Storyline inspired by the song 'tis the damn season and Fortnight by Taylor Swift. And National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.
This was not at all what I had planned for my first day back in Trenton. If anyone had told me that within six hours of landing in New Jersey, I'd somehow find myself, alone, in a car with Ranger I wouldn't have believed them. And not just any car, this was a brand new shiny black Cadillac Escalade packed to the gills with wrapped gifts, and grocery boxes filled with everything needed to make a traditional holiday dinner. And me. And Ranger. It was like I was trapped in a pimped-out Santa-mobile. Oh boy. Being alone with Ranger was not part of my plan, not like I'd really ever had a plan. I never had a plan. Even if I had a plan, it always went to shit anyway. Look at my plan to move to the West Coast and come back as a new and improved Stephanie. Judging by my reactions to Ranger so far that plan had also gone to shit. How had a year flown by and I was emotionally right back where I started? Stupid shitty plan. But even without a plan, I knew being alone with this man was not good for me. Ever since that fateful night, I'd stormed out of his apartment, Ranger and I being alone together only ever had two outcomes fucking or fighting. Sometimes both. The flight and the day had worn on me, I was too tired to fight. The alternative sent a rush through me causing me to squirm in my seat. That was a terrible idea, I needed to put that thought right out of my head. How do I end up in these situations anyway I asked myself. But this one wasn't on me. Someone else put me here, alone, with Ranger and I wanted to know who. Turning my head sharply in his direction I asked, "Did you break an old man's hip?" This all just seemed too convenient.
If I didn't know him so well, I wouldn't have picked up on his reaction, it was subtle, but I could see my question shocked him. He turned to face me as he responded. His voice was low and controlled, "Excuse me?" The wave of cold that emanated from him hit me full force, I almost glanced at the windshield to see if it had fogged up. Up until now, we'd been waiting in the lot, the awkward silence deafening as we sat, eyes forward, watching all the other vehicles roll out, one after another. That silence was nothing compared to the unbearably tense atmosphere we sat in now. I was an idiot. After I said it, I realized how ridiculous my accusation sounded.
"Sorry, that was stupid. I just wondered how I ended up here, with you?" Alone was left unsaid.
Ranger kept his eyes on mine and spoke slowly like he thought maybe I was having an episode of some sort. "Your dad said he had to cover for another driver. He asked if I minded if you took his place." He waited for me to nod, indicating that I'd heard him, again seemingly questioning my mental state. Then he continued, "I told him you and I worked well together and I was fine with it. Would you have preferred I'd told him otherwise?"
I shook my head, I mean we did work well together, at least we used to, professionally anyway. I relaxed a little. I mean I was still trapped in here with him, but I'd thought this was a situation Ranger had orchestrated, and it had pissed me off. I didn't like being manipulated. But my dad? He'd never involved himself in my love life before? He hated it when my mom did it and stood up for me, both with Dickie and then with Joe. I asked, "Why would he do that? What does he know? What have you told him? Why is Rangeman involved in this anyway?" All of my questions about this whole thing came out in a rush. The corner of Ranger's mouth turned up the tiniest bit and I knew he was amused with my impatience. Maybe he'd missed that about me? Shut up Steph, don't go there. Focus. What was going on here? I needed some answers.
Knowing I wasn't going to let it go, Ranger started to explain, "I'll start at the beginning, last January Rangeman got a skip." He hesitated for just a beat, I was almost sure he'd barely stopped himself from saying, 'after you left.' He continued, "Apparently a father in one of the families receiving donations borrowed money from the wrong guy. His payment came due right before Christmas and he didn't have the cash. He told the guy he owed that his kids would be getting gifts dropped off and there might be video games or some electronics he could sell." He paused, a look of disgust breaking through his normally unreadable face. "The loan shark had a better idea and decided not to settle for what his family was getting and held up the old guys making the deliveries, taking everything." I gasped. Ranger continued, "One old vet, Tommy Marino, didn't want to give it up and got beaten pretty badly." The whole thing broke my heart. "When the loan shark went FTA he was ours. The guys and I didn't take too kindly to some piece of shit beating up a veteran. After we brought him in, a little worse for wear, some of the guys stopped by the VFW to let Marino know the skip was back in the system." He shrugged, "Then they started spending more time there, playing cards, telling war stories. Your dad hangs out there a lot and got to know several of my men. When he started planning for this year's deliveries he came to me. He was worried about what happened last year, and didn't want a repeat, and asked if we could help out."
Wow, how did I not know about any of that? I guess I'd heard something about the attack but I'd quit working for both Rangeman and Vinnie by then and had pretty much isolated myself as I planned my escape. My dad never mentioned Rangeman or Ranger whenever we talked on the phone. I thought that was odd. "So Rangeman is acting as what? Bodyguards?" I still didn't grasp how involved he was with my dad.
He turned back to the windshield, watching the parade of vehicles navigate the snowy conditions. "Rangeman is partnering with the VFW. We're donating our time and resources to load and transport the gifts. Word has been put out on the street that anyone who interferes with the deliveries or attempts to bother the recipients, will deal with us." The set of his jaw told me anyone who went against him would be in a world of hurt.
The whole thing warmed my heart a little. It was an incredibly kind gesture. Not that I didn't think Ranger had it in him, I mean the number of times he came to my rescue, offered me protection, and gave me cars, or a job when I needed money was astounding. Just because I was still in love with him and it was ruining my life and I was pissed that he treated me terribly and had to move clear across the country to try and get over him, didn't mean I couldn't appreciate his better qualities. Oh wow Steph, get a grip. Forcing myself back to the issue at hand, I studied him as he continued staring out the window, "That's very kind of you. Not just the deliveries, but protecting those families." I knew how much easier things were for me in those neighborhoods when he let it known on the streets that I was under his protection, I was his woman. Just thinking those words made my heart constrict. Best not to think about it, add it to the list of things for Future Steph to deal with. Ranger had always been extremely generous with me, if I was honest with myself, he gave me his time, money, cars, his men. He gave me everything, except the one thing I wanted most from him: his heart.
He turned back to me, "You seem surprised." If I didn't know better, I'd think he sounded a little hurt.
"Yes, I mean no. I mean, I shouldn't be. I've always known how generous you can be. You've just always been quiet about it, kept it under the radar. I think it's nice." I rushed, what he was doing was helping a lot of people and I felt badly that I'd questioned his motives. I needed to keep my personal bias and jaded feelings out of the mix. It was hard, really hard, but I could do this.
He nodded towards the backseat, "The food boxes, were all Ella. When she found out what we were doing she insisted on doing her part and put the food together to go with the gifts." I love Ella. She's the best. Just another person I'd had to give up when I left, I thought sourly. I squelched the anger that threatened to flare up. I was trying hard to appreciate the nice things Ranger was doing, not focus on all the shitty things he'd done.
"So it was my dad's idea to pair us up?" I still didn't know if I believed him. All through lunch Ranger seemed like he wanted to get me alone and now he'd succeeded. While he was generous, he was also a self-proclaimed opportunist, and where I was concerned, he was also dangerous, mostly to my mental health and my heart.
He sighed, oh my god, I made Ranger sigh. "Yes, believe me or not, I didn't orchestrate this. I didn't, what did you ask me? Break an old man's hip? It was all your dad. If he had an ulterior motive, I don't know. You'll have to ask him."
Now I felt like a jerk. "I didn't really think you did - injure old Man Baronni - that is." I dropped my gaze, embarrassed that I'd jumped to conclusions, especially now that I'd learned how selfless he was being.
His voice was soft now, almost hesitant, "You don't have to ride with me if it makes you uncomfortable." It sounded like the idea pained him.
My head shot up, "No, no, it's fine." While I wasn't sure it was fine at all, I certainly wasn't about to tell him that. I was struggling with my feelings for him; love, rage, sadness, hurt, longing, and lust all warring within me. But I'd be damned if I was going to let him see it. I might not have gotten over him, but I'd certainly gotten better at hiding it. That had to be worth something. I could do this.
He nodded, seemingly relieved I wasn't going to rabbit on him. "Your dad, I respect him. He's got quite the reputation from his time in the military. I was glad when he reached out and I've enjoyed working with him." I didn't know what to say to that. I knew my dad had served in the army, but he never talked about it. He didn't really talk about anything much. With my dad not saying much and Ranger saying even less my mind boggled at how they accomplished anything. Men, yeesh.
"Oh, okay," I said lamely.
"As for what I've told him about you and me, nothing. I mean since we've spent some time together on this project he's asked for details about the cases you and I worked on in the past." He paused, a soft smile forming on his lips, "He's very proud of you." That blew my mind. Not that I didn't think my dad was proud of me, but he's always been more of a quiet supporter. Ranger took a deep breath before continuing, "In regards to our personal history, he hasn't asked and I haven't told him. For one, it's not my place, and two, I don't have any desire to reveal to a man I respect as much as him and that has a reputation like his some of the things that have transpired between us." I must have looked confused, so he elaborated, "I'm not proud of a lot of my behavior when it comes to you. If he knew I was primarily responsible for his little girl choosing to leave town and stay away for a year, I might be missing some body parts I'm particularly fond of."
My mouth hung open in shock at his admission, pleased he at least recognized his poor behavior and felt remorse for it. At the same time, my cheeks flushed thinking about how fond I was of all of his body parts myself. He leaned across the console and used his finger to close my gaping mouth. Noticing my blush he gave me just a hint of his sexy wolf grin before schooling his features. For some unknown reason, I felt the need to reassure him just a little bit, "Don't worry, my dad's always let me fight my own battles. He wanted to murder Joe after the Tasty Pastry incident, lucky for Joe he shipped out for the Navy the next day." I smiled big, "But the next time Joe was in town and I ran him over with the Buick Dad told me he was proud of me. We even shared a cigar and some beers in the garage." I loved my dad.
Ranger smiled at my story, I could tell he was proud of me too. Then his demeanor changed to something not necessarily serious, more cautious, like when you were approaching a wild animal. "I did want to talk to you though, so I won't say I was disappointed with the change." Uh oh, Danger! Danger Will Robinson! Riding in a car with Ranger was one thing. Having any sort of talk or discussion was not something I was interested in. My emotions were lying too close to the surface for that right now. Hopefully, I could put off this conversation for a time when I was ready to deal with all of it, like the day after tomorrow, or better yet, never. As I started to panic, I noticed the lot had cleared and it was our turn to depart. Until now, I could've hopped out of the car and slunk away. Not that I wanted to give him the satisfaction, but now it wasn't even an option. As soon as he pulled away, I would be trapped. But before Ranger could put the Escalade in drive, the back passenger door flew open and Hector climbed in. He quickly shuffled the Tetris-like pile of boxes in the backseat to make room for himself before closing the door. Ranger turned to him, wearing a look that would have made me pee my pants if it was directed at me. The two proceeded to have a rapid-fire, heated exchange in Spanish. While the nosey part of me wanted to know what they were saying, their tone made me want no part of it. The only word I recognized was my name. As quickly as it started, it was over. Well, okay then.
Ranger turned back to look out the windshield, put the car in gear, and pulled out onto the street. I tried to stifle my sigh of relief at Hector joining us, but the tightening of Ranger's jaw told me I wasn't entirely successful. "Hola Hector," I turned and smiled at him. Raising my eyebrows I glanced in Ranger's direction, silently asking what the hell was going on.
Hector grinned back at me. "I save you. Bad guys." No shit, I thought, but I wouldn't exactly call Ranger a bad guy. An asshole maybe, okay definitely, but not a bad guy.
The man in question cleared his throat and then cut his eyes to Hector in the mirror. "We've taken the most dangerous neighborhoods. Hector wanted to be sure nothing bad happened to you, so he decided to come along as your backup."
"Oh," I said, my mouth holding the 'O' probably longer than necessary. It didn't escape my notice that Ranger said Hector was 'my' backup up, not 'our' backup. God bless Hector.
It was quiet as we rolled out of the Burg. The hulking vehicle was no match for the white stuff, currently falling from the sky, swirling in gusts that brought beautifully intricate flakes to land on the windshield before melting away. Gorgeous. Of course, being Trenton, the snow didn't stay white for long. The pristine flakes mixed with the filth that covered the well-traveled streets, turning to mud that coated car and truck tires alike. I was still trying to process everything Ranger had told me, everything that had changed, and happened this year that I didn't know about. I'm not sure what I'd expected to happen when I left town. Did I think that time would be frozen without me here to witness it? That was stupid. But how was it that time flew by this past year in Trenton, everything changing, while it seemed to pass so slowly for me on the opposite coast? All my days seemed so long, so lonely, silence stretching on forever. I'd thought when I left a year ago I'd put this place behind me, I'd work on myself and return a new me or at least a new and improved version. I'd move past the hurt and the longing and heal my broken heart. It was becoming more and more clear to me that I'd accomplished none of that. I was the one frozen in time, while Ranger's world kept turning and I was left behind. I shook my head to clear the negative thoughts and attempt to bring myself back to the here and now.
Looking out the window I realized we'd quickly made our way to the lower part of Stark Street. I suppressed a shudder as we passed into what used to be Slayer territory. The gang had disbanded after their attack on me, and Sally Sweet's rescue left them with low membership numbers. While there were still contingents in Atlanta, Chicago, and LA, the Trenton gang members that remained either left town to join other chapters or joined up with other gangs. A few took the opportunity to escape gang life and reformed themselves. I clung to that small silver lining in such a horrific and tragic event. The whole thing still gave me nightmares.
Even if it wasn't what I'd planned to do today, I can't say it wasn't an enjoyable way to spend the afternoon. Who doesn't love to play Santa? We kept moving, not lingering at any one address as we had a schedule to keep. Parents knew when we were coming so they could arrange to have their children out of the house to maintain the secrecy. I felt like a special agent elf. Trying to picture Ranger and Hector with pointed ears and curly-toed shoes with bells on them I laughed out loud. Both of them gave me a strange look before shaking their heads.
We finished our deliveries and Ranger turned the car back in the direction of the church. I turned the radio to the station that played Christmas music from November 1st to January 1st, singing along and dancing in my seat. Hector laughed and Ranger smiled. So far so good. We'd been busy with the deliveries and having Hector along had kept things from getting awkward. That's not to say we didn't have our moments, when our bodies would accidentally brush against each other, or our hands would touch as we'd pass boxes and bags to each other. Each time it sent a jolt through my body, not just lust, but longing. I felt the same in him, the pause in his movements before he could force himself to move on from it. I feared I would never be free of wanting him, needing him. Just being near him again pulled me back into his orbit, the force too strong to deny. The ache inside me throbbed and as much as I worried it would never subside, the fear that someday it might ebb and recede made me hurt all the more. I knew eventually I'd have to talk to Ranger, he obviously had something he wanted to say and I knew from experience he wouldn't be denied. That didn't mean I couldn't try and put it off as long as possible. I needed to figure out my own shit before I could deal with his.
I don't know what to say, but it's Christmas and we're all miserable.