AN: Rio Skyron – Yes! Yes it is Kilgrave! A cyber cookie for you!
Disclaimer: Bonesboy15 doesn't own Helluva Boss or Naruto. The following is a written work of fan-fiction. It contains adult language and situations. Reader discretion is advised.
Who's That Father?
Lovefurypassionenergy
(Then: Lust, Ozzie's)
Vortex signed his name on the line and looked at his new boss for the foreseeable future. Verosika Mayday seemed like an alright Succubus. She hadn't tried any of that lust control shit on him yet, so that was a plus. He was pretty sure it wouldn't work, some purple guy tried it on him as he was walking in and it didn't work then.
"Alright, welcome to the Crew, Vortex." Verosika smiled and leaned back while her fellow succubi and incubi grinned at him. "Hope you work out better than my last bodyguard."
"What'd the last one do? Die?"
"No. He left my broke, drunk ass naked and alone in some unpaid hotel room outside of city limits in Pride."
"...Shit, that...sucks." Vortex blinked. Verosika laughed bitterly and gave him an equally broken smile.
"Yeah, yeah it does. So that's my damage. What's yours?"
...Well, it was part of the agreement...He had to rip the bandage off now.
"I slept with my best-friend's girlfriend for two months, then dated her right after they broke up...then got her killed when my drunk ass got into an argument with her father about a miscarriage." He sighed, ears flat. Fuck, it sounded so...Shit, it was just fucking awful when he said it like that. Verosika and the other Lust demons stared at him. Then...they laughed. The fuck?
"Honey, we're succubi!" His new boss grinned at him. "You think we'll judge you for that shit?"
"No." He deadpanned. "But I don't exactly feel great about it."
"Yeah, cucking like that is an art and it's not for everyone." Verosika shrugged. "But hey, it's not like you have a kid to worry about, right? You lucked out, there."
"...Yeah...Lucked out..." Vortex felt his shoulders slump and he leaned back in his seat. He stared up at the ceiling. Fuck, he left himself with a giant fucking bandage. "...I had to sign a Forfeiture of Care with that same best friend two months ago."
His eyes closed when partially drunk liquor suddenly spewed onto his face. He took a deep breath and then wiped it off. It wasn't intentional, he didn't need to get pissed. When he could see without getting liquor in his eye, Verosika was gaping at him.
"...You gave up your kid...to the same guy you cucked?"
"We never confirmed whose it was." He never did, anyway. Naruto probably didn't give a shit. He was always a little weird. He shifted in his seat as he thought about the picture he saw. "Just...She looks like her mother. Same colors. Eyes...We're both positive that its hers, at least."
"Damn. Now that? That's fucked up." Verosika pointed at him. She poured some of her Beelzejuice into one of the tumbler glasses on the table between them and slid it over. "Drink up, Tex. You look like you need it."
"Thanks...Boss." He grabbed the glass from the table. He went to sip but stopped when he saw her raise her bottle. The rest of the Crew followed suit.
"To our fuckups and our future," Verosika said, grinning at him. Vortex...Tex smirked and raised his glass.
"To our fuckups and our future."
They drank.
They partied.
Vortex was still uncertain about everything, but Tex?
Tex's life was good.
(Now: Imp City, I.M.P. Office Building)
After she ensured her hot date for tomorrow, the sexy scarred guy and/or Verosika Mayday wasn't going to see her while her makeup looked like shit, Loona came back to the parking lot and found the spot that once had the car Blitzø was thrown into. She pulled in there and headed toward the office to start her day, only an hour and change after she'd initially left to fix her makeup and hair. She'd not even got off of the elevator when she found Blitzø and Millie quietly pumping themselves up to square off against – she had to peer around the corner to find out why they were chanting to themselves – two of the three she was so glad weren't seeing her with her shitty makeup.
"So, uh, what'd I miss?" Loona asked once she was sure she had the gist of what was happening. Blitzø jumped and then grinned up at her.
"Loony! Where've you been?"
"Had to run home and do something." She muttered as she poked her head around the corner again. The two hot Hounds were huddled together, their backs in her direction, with her date's tail giving small wags while the sexy scarred Hellhound's jerked about. Hm, not as tight as the other's ass, but still a decent one. Especially in those jeans. Weird, considering he was shorter than Naruto – Loona shook her head and pulled back to look at the Imps again. "What did I miss– and don't make me ask a third time."
"Fuckin' Succu-Sluts stole Moxxie and been holding him hostage for the past two hours!" Okay, Millie was going rabid, but given Succubi tended to feed off of the sexual life force of their victims that was understandable. Huh...Fatty might actually lose a few pounds if she stalled long enough. Or his life.
Either was a pretty good outcome in Loona's opinion.
"And our parking spot!" Blitzø added with way more vitriol than that predicament called for. The Hellhound gave her adopted father an incredulous stare. He blinked and frowned at her. "Wait, you took the Van, so where did you park when you got back?"
"The car you bisected with your bony ass got towed."
"Oh...I still won't stand for this bullshit!" He declared and then pointed at her. "Follow up, why did you take the van?"
"Had to go fix my makeup." Loona drawled as she glanced at her claws.
"Why?" He asked, eyes narrowed. She glared back at him.
"Because it was shitty."
"Nonsense, Loony, you look amazing!" He gushed and smiled at her. "You're always immaculate after you wake up all tousled and disheveled like a furry hurricane rolled through–"
"Fuck–! Shut up, Da–" Loona caught herself before she dropped the 'D' word on the happily grinning Imp. Ugh, was he sparkling? So gross. She shook her head and walked around the corner. "If we're gonna get Fatty back, let's just go."
"I'm coming baby!" Millie shot down the hall like a missile and slid between the two hounds' feet. The two Hellhounds watched her go past them and burst into the door. Rather than burst into action like Loona expected, they exchanged looks and then shrugged. Uh...wow.
Why weren't they–? Okay, Blitzø got a lot of passes for the stupid shit he did, but he was not allowed to drag her like this!
"You've got the right idea, Mills! Come on, Loony, we need to rescue our–!" Blitzø yelped as he bounced off of the scarred Hound's firm body. Both of the sexy Hounds were turned and faced them with crossed arms. "Oh, come on! Why the fuck are you two even out here?!"
"Because we're bodyguards, not babysitters." Naruto deadpanned, his sunglasses clipped to the front of his shirt. He looked past the Imp at Loona with a smile and his tail wagged. She blushed and felt hers do the same.
"The fuck are you smiling at? You got some kind of ...Hey, no, Loony! You don't know what sort of diseases he's carrying!" The Imp grumbled and struggled to pulled her away from the hottie Hellhound she was absolutely going to go on a date with tomorrow. Something she definitely wasn't going to tell her adoptive father if she could help it. When he realized he wouldn't be able to get her to budge, Blitzø tried to go into the same room Millie had disappeared into, only for the scarred hound to step in his way. "Move it flea-bag or else—!"
"Or else what?" The scarred hound growled.
"Or else I'll..uh, I'll uh.."
"Stroke you the way you like and stick a finger in your ass." The whisper had Loona's ears burst into flame before she looked at the smirking Naruto, who's tail wagged like he was going to get the last meal at dinner. Sweet fuck, did she just learn something awesome about her date?
"I'll give your cock a nice tugging while I lick your ass!" Blitzø declared before he blinked and paled as the sexy scarred hound grabbed his horns and tossed him down the hall. The black-furred Hellhound then glared at his larger compatriot.
"You think you're fucking funny, don't you Uzumaki? Think you're real fucking cute, don't you?"
"Bitch, I'm adorable." Naruto grinned as he leaned against the wall. He snickered as the other Hound slugged him in the arm before he stormed into the offices to — Loona assumed, anyway — obtain the other Imps that were in there. Blitzø, cockroach that he was, bounced to his feet and shot in after him before the door closed.
Alone with the tall DILF Hellhound again, Loona found herself uncertain of what to say.
"So...Being CEO means you get the cushy jobs in Pride, huh?" Ugh, she didn't want to talk about work. The other options were where he got his knowledge on sexy Scarface's apparent anal-play kink — and that was a lovely fantasy Loona was filing away for later use — or his puppy, which...Yeah, maybe she should've asked about the puppy. The stories she's heard over the past week via text about little rugrat were hilarious and photo evidence proved she was just plain fucking adorable when she was tiny.
"Not often." He shrugged and smiled at her. "Me and Tex go back. He's registered in our employee list as a part-timer, but really acts more like a talent scout for us. Most of his crew bailed when the Acid Spitters sent a recruitment Shriek out, so we're filling in on discount."
"Oh. That's...Dope." Loona winced at her choice of words and quickly tried to school her features as she scrolled through her phone. Dammit, she was so lame. Naruto flashed her a grin when she snuck a peak at him from under her bangs and then he looked at his phone when it vibrated.
"Gimme a sec, I gotta take this." He turned away and put the phone to his ear. Which, alright. More free time to ogle those buns? Loona wasn't going to complain. "Hey, Pickle! Shouldn't you be eating lunch right now?"
And now it's a little awkward...Nah, I'm gonna keep looking. Just because he had a puppy didn't mean he was off the market or not interested. He'd shown otherwise often enough and yeah, she still didn't see a ring on his finger.
"Okay, well, how's school going today? ...Uh-huh...Wow! That's great, baby!" Loona chewed on her lip as his tail started to wag. Shit, her instincts were picking up on the fact that he was excited and happy to raise a pup. Add in his power and dominance and—Yep, there it is. Fuck, she hoped he couldn't smell that. She was totally going to have to change later. Good thing she tucked a spare pair of shorts in her desk.
"Aw, I'm sorry Pickle, I'd love to let you and Zara have a sleepover, but Daddy's working late tonight...Hey, why don't you ask Zara's parents if you can spend the night at her house? Yes, if they need to call me they have my number...Oh, honey, I would let her any other day of the week. You know I would. Maybe tomor—" His voice stopped abruptly for a moment before she heard a shriek of laughter and a whine pass through the receiver, and his wagging tail snapped to a stop. Loona tried not to eavesdrop too much, but the abrupt shift in his tone and the subsonic growl he started to let out was not helping her reign in her base desire for him. "Pickle, who was that? ...Himawari Uzumaki, you will tell me right fucking now the name of the little shit that just called you a Trash-Can Bastard."
Oh, fuck. That was essentially calling her an unwanted, unloved waste of space. Loona heard it enough growing up in her mandatory lessons and from some of the nastier pieces of work, but she didn't use it on other orphans; that shit was just uncalled for. Yeah, Naruto was absolutely going to slaughter whatever stupid puppy said that. Possibly even do away with their entire family. That was just...Fucking instincts, that really should not be a fucking turn on!
"...I see. Is Zara there? Can I talk to her? ...No, I promise, Pickle, you're absolutely not in trouble. ...Claws crossed, upside down...Okay, give Zara the phone, honey. It'll be real quick."
A loud whimper and sniffle came across the receiver that had Loona's ears rise up. Whoa, that was a sudden urge to DEFEND-KILL-DESTROY-PROTECT she'd never had before. She felt her hackles raising and her tail bristled and what the fuck was that about? Shit, she was getting invested. She had to stop listening before she got triggered or something.
"...Hi, Zara! It's Himawari's Daddy, Mr. Uzumaki." Well, so much for not listening, his reactions were distracting. The smile on Naruto's face was not the friendly nice one that made her stomach do flips. This one was all teeth, like a Hound about to go for the jugular with a closed fist. Which he'd done in a cage match. A match she'd masturbated to. Fuck, she needed to get railed soon. Specifically, by this DILF — Down, Loona, have a smidge of patience, dammit!
"Can you do me a big really important favor? I want you to go with Himawari when she goes to find one of the new Guard Dogs watching the playground. Can you do that for me? I don't want her to be alone right now. Actually, can you do me one even bigger favor? Can you give her a big hug for me? ...Thanks honey. ...Thank you, Zara. Can I talk to Himawari again? Thank you. ...Hi, baby girl. You remember Mr. Rios, right? Big, Marquis-like Hound, likes to wear a hockey mask? Oh, you see him right now? Pickle, can you go over to him with Zara and give him your phone? ...He abso-fucking-lutely will listen to you. ...If he doesn't, you tell me and then you put me on speaker. Okay? ...Okay, baby, I'll wait."
"The fuck is going on out-?" Tex asked as he carried a livid Mollie, a dazed and lipstick covered Fatty and a snarling Blitzø out of the offices that apparently Verosika Mayday was using.
"Shh!" Loona hushed him and watched Naruto take a minute to quietly snarl and grumble something in...Shit, she didn't even know that language. Tex must given the way his jaw dropped. ...What? Oh, fucking sue her, she was invested now! Real celeb family drama was basically all she read about online anyway, and here it was happening right in front of her!
"...Rios." Oh fuck. Oh, fuck-fuck-fuck. That growl was so hot—Keep it together, Loona! There are four other people in the hallway now. You can smother your fucking loins for thirty fucking seconds! "When you get a chance, I want you to find the kid named 'Aspen' that's in Pickle's class. Get me his full name and address—Because no orphan is getting adopted or dropped off at school with the name 'Aspen' if they haven't got money to back them up! ...Thank you. Doesn't have to be now or tonight, but get me that info. ...Thanks, man, keep up the good work. You can give her back the phone."
"Naruto, did something happen? Is Pickle okay?" Tex asked, dumping the Imps on the ground and stalking over to him. The DILF she was going on a second date with curled his lip and glared at the other Hellhound with a glowing blue set of eyes. Tex stopped and ducked his head with folded ears while his tail curled and unholy shit Loona almost wanted him to glare at her like that. "I just want to help if I can, man. That's it."
"...It's under control, Vortex." Whoa, that was a lot of vitriol that wasn't present before. What was that about? Like a switch flipped, he lost the glow in his eyes and gained a grin. "Hi, Pickle! ...Wow, that's so nice of him! Don't forget to thank him...That's my good girl. ...You feel better, sweetie? Okay, good. The next time anyone says that or anything like that to you, if you can't beat them in a fight, you tell Miss Marquise or Mr. Rios, okay? No, I don't fucking care if that makes you a tattletale, you either knock a tooth out or you tell an adult so they can, okay? ...Good girl. Listen, Pickle, Daddy has to go back to work—I know, it does stink. ...I love you so much and you make me so proud...Yes, I'll be home tomorrow. If you're not at Zara's will you be good for Grump tonight? ...Yeah, well, he's a biased idiot, and you can even tell him I said that." His smile became more genuine and Loona gulped back the sudden flood of Envy she felt. She was not jealous of a puppy. She wasn't that fucking petty, but shit would she be lying if she said she didn't want that smile aimed at her, and meant for her. "Love you too, Pickle. Enjoy the rest of your day."
He hung up, put his phone to his head and closed his eyes. One long breath went in, and the tension in the room started to fall as it was slowly let out. Of course, that was the only reprieve one could get in this building.
"What the fuck was—?" Blitzø started to say before his mouth was covered by one of Tex's paws. Clearly not fast enough, because Naruto rounded on the Imp with glowing eyes and a massive snarl that exposed those big fucking teeth. Dammit, Loona had to get to the office. She had to change.
"Imp, I will rip your head off." He warned with a growl. He took another deep breath and then straightened up. He rubbed his temple and grumbled. "Tex, tell me there's a gym in this office?"
"You want me to lie to you or be honest?"
"Goddammit."
"You could always trash a few cars." Loona shrugged when the Imps and Tex looked at her. "What? I slashed a few tires before when I had a rough day."
"...Is that why we had flats every day of that week?!" Fatty cried in outrage.
"Maybe." Loona shrugged and looked back at her phone. "Just don't trash our van."
"I promise only to try." Naruto grumbled as he stalked past. The second she felt his tail graze her hip, she turned on her selfie camera and recorded his walk over her shoulder. There's a million dollar vid for Sinstagram. She lowered it when the elevator opened and waited for it to close before she slumped her shoulders down.
Dammit, tomorrow can't fucking come soon enough.
"So, you're Loona?" Oh, hey, sexy Scarface Tex was talking to her. Cool. Loona looked up at him with a smile and a small tail wag. He crossed his arms and smiled at her. Mm, not as nice or core-warming as Naruto's, but he was still a handsome hound all the same. "Nice t'meet you, I'm Vortex. Everyone calls me Tex. Runt's told me a bit about you."
"Runt?"
"Naruto." He waved her confused frown off. "Yeah, he wasn't that tall when I gave him the name."
"Okay, as lovely as it is hanging out in the hallway, I have a Demon Deal to win! C'mon, Loona!" Blitzø grabbed her wrist and pulled her along. She growled at him for the unwanted handling and then glanced back at Vortex.
"Later, I guess?"
"Nice meeting you," he said with a chuckle before he went back to standing guard. Loona let her thoughts drift to how he and Naruto knew each other, how Naruto knew about his 'fingering' link and fuck she had to change her shorts. Right. Good thing they were going to the office to—
"Wait, what do you mean Demon Deal?!"
(Now: Earth, Beachtown USA)
"You look...awful! Go get 'em Loony!" Blitzø's praise was...yeah. He needed work.
Loona was just relieved he let her come along. Stupid argument about what happens to goth girls aside – did she really care what humans thought about her disguise? Nope, not in the fucking slightest. She already knew that humans were stupid and weird, that they were freaks and creeps wasn't at all surprising – the fact she was the only one in the whole fucking office that had a human disguise was ridiculous.
"Yeah, whatever." She crossed her arms and waded into the pool of hormone and alcohol fueled idiocy. She spotted a dark-skinned bouncer wearing Tex's clothes – damn, he looked pretty good as a human, with his massive chest and shoulders and that glare – in front of the stage. Her red eyes scanned the stage until she spotted the familiar uniform.
Sweet fuck, yes. Loona grinned as she spotted her date standing off to the side talking to one of the beach patrol officers.
Naruto's human disguise had a peach-hued skin tone and, for whatever reason – Male Hellhounds really unfairly lucked out with their disguises, she thought – had short blond hair that merged with a well trimmed beard. His body's toned definition was even more obvious, even though the disguise cut him down a good two feet. She kind of got distracted as she stared at him, and was only snapped out of it when a few of the dancing partiers nearby took notice of him as well.
"Holy shit, is that Kris Hasgirth!?"
"Let's go ask for his autograph!"
...Who the fuck is–? Loona pulled her Hellphone out and searched for the name. Her eyebrows shot up. Yeah, that guy was pretty damn close to how Naruto looked, a bit squintier eyes though. Apparently, he was some big time movie star that was famous for his role as...Set, Egyptian God of Storms? ...Fuck, humans are so weird. Still, now she knew who he looked like and that his aesthetic appeal transcended across species. She should go stake her claim before–
"Hey, babe. Wanna go around back of the surf shop and fuck?"
Someone else tries something...Dammit. Well, she could always go talk to Naruto after she got this stupid beta male offed in an alley.
"I got somewhere else we can go." She deadpanned and led the beach bro off to his death. She made sure to stay out of the splash zone.
"Alright, one down! Great going, Loony!" Blitzø gave her a thumbs up from his perch on the roof above. "Beating that bitch will be as easy as making a creampie in Stolas' weird second ass!"
"Gross." Loona shuddered and gagged at the image that conjured. She glanced at the last spot she saw Naruto and–Dammit. Where did he..? Okay, well...fallback plan. She could talk Tex up. He seemed nice enough and he was easy on the eyes.
The beach goers were having a blast, in Naruto's humble opinion anyway. He wouldn't know if this was a good show or not, this hadn't been his scene in...actually, it hadn't ever been his scene. He usually got into fights or brawls at these sorts of events. He only ever went because Hinata or Vortex had a spare ticket. The last concert he went to was...an Acid Spitters show before she and her crew went on tour in Envy. After they had a fight about something Himawari said – he never got those words exactly and Roxanne had been weird and angry around him since. Well, angrier.
Whatever, that was then.
The concert was going well, if one ignored the bodies piling up all around: Either oversexed or straight up killed. A serial killer or something might be going ham on the audience. Meh, whatever. Earth was weird. The way he'd occasionally get mobbed by humans was weirder. Especially the teenage girls. That just...made him uncomfortable. He hoped Himawari never got like that when she turned their age.
Who the fuck is Kris Hasgirth anyway? He wondered as he stood at the base of the stage, covering Vortex's break while Verosika and her crew kept belting out lyrics he'd mostly tuned out. Ever since his stint in quelling the Lust Purple Riots, succubi music just never did anything for him. Himawari seemed to like it, though, so he let her enjoy it whenever it came on the radio.
The crunch of sand told him he was about to lose what little peace he had. With a resigned sigh, he squared his shoulders and prepared to rebuff some more overzealous fans. Thankfully, it was just one petite goth girl...wearing clothes that looked a lot like Loona's.
"Um...Hey?" Oh, hey, it was Loona. He recognized that awkward smile, despite the different facial structure her disguise had. He gave her a once over. Petite, lithe, shaved head...pretty cute for a human. He still preferred her Hellhound form..
"Hey." His tail would be wagging if it were out and it would stop as a thought occurred to him and he tilted his head. "How'd you get topside?"
"Oh, you know. Work perk." Loona shrugged and stepped up beside him. Right, I.M.P. were assassins that did revenge hits for Sinners. Details on how they did that was vague, but it hadn't been flagged by the Sins or Lucifer yet. She smiled. "So, uh...this is your kind of scene?"
"Nah. More of a rock fan myself." Naruto shrugged as he turned his gaze back to the crowd. "Succupop is fine and all, but it just isn't for me. You?"
"Uh, I...You know. Whatever's...good." She grinned and played with her hair. Mm, damn, still looked as soft as it did when she wasn't in disguise.
"You got your own taste." He nodded in understanding. He cracked a grin. "Saw you talking to Tex. He give you any dirty little secrets of mine as payback?"
"...I...Right. I could've asked for that. Shit." Loona frowned. She shook her head and rubbed her arm. "No, I was...curious about him. I mean–"
"It's because he's hot, right?" Naruto smirked. He wasn't exactly surprised, Vortex was a very desirable Hellhound, it's half the reason his position as liaison with Beelzebub worked as well as it did. Besides, Naruto and Loona weren't anything official, yet, so if she lost interest in him and went after Vortex... Yeah, that would suck, but he's pretty sure she wasn't going to lead him on like Hinata had. He was also pretty fucking sure that she was more interested in him than she was in his friend. That said, he felt comfortable enough to tease her about it. He leaned down to her and grinned. "Do you liiike him?"
"Fuck off." She shoved him back with her cute little snicker-snort that made her human face burn as red as her ears usually went. She looked away with a small pout and then sighed. "I mean, yeah. He's hot, but...he's...Anyway, Blitzø interrupted it before I could probe the waters there."
"Oh, really?" Again, they weren't official, so he wasn't too surprised or upset. His instincts weren't thrilled, but he could shut those noisy fuckers up easy. Still...Wouldn't hurt to give her a reminder. "Do I need to cancel my reservation for tomorrow?"
"Reser...Wait, shit, I mean–" There it was, she must've let it slip her mind that they had a date tomorrow. He wasn't going to hold that against her; his memory was shit, which was why he had his watch. He chuckled as she turned to him and he cupped her chin in his hand.
"Relax, Loona. I grew up with the guy, I get it." He tapped her little human nose with his thumb before he pulled his hand back. Her human face looked like a tomato and he smirked at her. "I take it we're still on, then?"
"Yes! Um, I mean, yes." She smiled at him in the same bashful way she did when he dropped her off at her apartment on their first date. Yeah, Vortex's 'Alpha Male' status had absolutely nothing on Naruto fucking Uzumaki's wit and charm.
"Cool." His smirk dropped into a grin and he glanced out over the crowd as they got rowdy, wait was that–? ...Yep, that was an orgy starting in the front line. Ew, humans are gross, just flopping around everywhere...Didn't they have bones? He needed a fucking distraction from that. "So, everything good between you and your dad?"
"Wh–How did–?"
"Kind of guessed, and you just confirmed it. You told me you got adopted, I picked up on how he acts around you. Thought he was a weird boss, at first, but this makes more sense." Naruto shrugged. Loona stared at him and then frowned as she crossed her arms.
"He's not my dad. ...Not my real one..."
"So fuckin' what?" Naruto asked, arching a brow at her. She looked at him with a scowl and he shrugged. "Hey, in case you forgot? I'm a dad. Maybe I can help you get in his head to understand."
"I shouldn't fucking have to. I only had a fucking month before I phased out. It shouldn't...doesn't count." She scowled at her feet and leaned against the stage beside him. "I'm fucking twenty-two years old. I don't need him fucking... babying or patronizing me or whatever."
"Right." He sighed and rubbed his eyes. He really needed to give himself a raise for this job. "Look, I'm guessing he got all up in your business or something about you flirting with me and Tex."
"I wasn't flirt–"
"You're flirting with us and it's working. Well, it is on me, anyway." He smirked at the fresh tint in her cheeks. Score. He shrugged and looked back at the crowd, pointedly avoiding the orgy as best he could. "Papers or blood, it doesn't matter: family is family. A whole bunch of assholes that, for some reason or another, give a shit about each other. A lot of Hellhounds have forgotten that and focus on the party life. And I mean, good for them."
"But you have your puppy." She smirked. He chuckled.
"Yeah." He stared at the crowd. "You know, she might not even be mine."
"What."
"Got woken up one morning stupid buttfuck early and found her in a paper bag on my porch. Maybe two, three days old at best." He smiled as he thought about his little Pickle's first few nights. Such a prickly and ornery blind little pup. She was so small, he thought she was a preemie. "She looks just like her mother...but she might not be mine biologically."
"I...Wh–"
"The whole story is a lot to dump on someone before the third date." Naruto shrugged and smiled at the gobsmacked disguised Hellhound. "But that's what you need to know. Himawari might not be my blood...but she is my puppy."
"So...You never got a test–?"
"Wouldn't change anything." He shook his head. "She could be the bastard spawn of a horny angel and I wouldn't give a shit. She's my little Pickle, my sweet Sunflower, and I'll love her as such for the rest of my life." He let a beat hang in the air before he grinned at Loona. "Besides, I try to avoid going to Sloth's Hospitals whenever I can."
"That makes sense." Loona muttered and rubbed her arm as she looked down. "Do you think I'm wrong?"
"I think...You and Blitzø need to establish boundaries. Verbally." He let his hands interlace behind his head and nodded forward as a stray beach ball came his way. It bounced back and some portion of the crowd not in the orgy cheered. "Negotiate something so he gives you space to, y'know, do your thing and can still care."
"...But am I wrong?"
"About him being your real dad? I can't say. What's 'real'? Blood? How you see him?" Naruto glanced at her with a smirk when she scowled. "Yeah, you wanted the 'Dad' opinion, didn't you? We get philosophical sometimes if we don't have enough alcohol in us."
"...Fuck me..." Loona groaned. Well, she left herself open with that one. Should he capitalize on it? Yes, absolutely, one hundred percent. He smirked back at the crowd.
"Maybe after we have another date or two." Naruto didn't have to look to see the way her face lit up. He could feel the heat that exploded from her and smell her arousal. Another point for Uzumaki charm! If she was going to say anything else, though, it would have to wait.
A brick suddenly flew up from the back of the crowd toward the stage. His eyes zeroed on it and he pulled Loona down as it tumbled overhead. Damn, someone had a good arm–The music stopped and the crowd gasped.
"Oh, shit." Naruto growled as he got to his feet. He helped Loona stand and looked her in the eye. "Find your group, make sure they didn't do that."
"What do you–?"
"There's an Imp-like costume dancing around on a keg over there. If it's not a costume and he gets arrested…" Naruto trailed off and Loona grimaced. He turned to climb the stage and then grinned back at her. "See you tomorrow?"
"...Yeah, see you tomorrow." She bit her lip as she grinned and then ran off while he turned back to the stage and hauled himself up.
Shikamaru – who had a lanky and shorter human disguise with a black ponytail – was already looking over the disguised succubus. The remains of the brick were scattered on the stage. Naruto came up beside him and crouched beside the medic.
"Concussion at most. We might need to call the night early." He explained as Vortex came up and knelt across from them. An empty bottle shattered into the stage, the band and the crew looked at the rowdy crowd. One angry looking biker with a very visible tent in his boxers was hollering something from atop the orgy pile and the cops were swarming down onto the group. Vortex and Naruto shared a look as the crowd started to shout at them.
"Where's the music?!" "We want Veronica!" "Show us your boobs!" "I love you, Mayday!"
"I'll take care of the crowd," Naruto said and pointed at Vortex. "You cover Verosika and the band."
"Got it." Vortex nodded and looked at Choji – whose disguise left him looking almost like a seven foot tall giant with long brown hair. "Big guy, you wanna help me get her off stage?"
"Can do, Tex." Choji carefully cradled the unconscious Pop Star and looked at the other half of his duo. "Shika, stay out here and cover the Boss."
"Oh, sure, give me the troublesome job...Yeah, whatever." The disguised Baphomet sighed and started preparing some non-lethal defenses with the stage equipment by cutting wires and pouring water over them from his water bottle. Electricity went a long way to deter any unwanted company.
Meanwhile, Naruto picked up the wireless microphone Verosika had been using and held it up to his mouth.
"Alright guys, the party's over! Host is out. Way to go, one of you dipshits got too excited." He deadpanned. He caught another thrown glass and chucked it back. The nudist that it shattered on should've thought twice. "Hey, fuckfaces, cops are coming! ...The fuck aren't they listening for?"
"We want Mayday! We want Mayday! We want Mayday! We want Mayday! We want Mayday!"
"Of course you do." Naruto growled. He looked around and saw the DJ station hadn't been messed with yet. He put the mic back to his mouth. "Okay, you guys wanna keep the party going? Then let's keep the party going, yeah?"
He then gave his Sloth-born subordinate a pointed glare. He jerked his head to the DJ's stand and then rolled his hand before he looked back at the Lust-drunk asshat that climbed the stage. Anti-Christ, Lust jobs are so fucked.
Shikamaru gave him a scowl in return, but dropped the wire he was cutting and trudged over to the mixer and pressed on a button. He flinched back when a record track dropped and ducked under the table when another brick flew at his head.
A bouncing beat started and the disguised Hellhound felt it pour through his body. For the first time in what felt like years, he heard a pop song that sounded...good. The beat was just...He couldn't describe it. The vocalist wasn't too bad either, she sounded mature and not like a young single teenager like those that dominated Hell's airways.
...The Single Ladies, All the Single Ladies, All the Single Ladies, All the Single Ladies...
A good portion of the crowd of drunken partiers cheered and started to dance to the bop save for a few that were still rushing the stage.
"Oh, shit. Well, I guess this is happening." He turned and ducked under the very expected left straight that came from the Tented-Boxer Biker. He countered with a sharp left jab into the drunk's gut and then shoved him back while he was doubled.
"You think you can stop me, motherfucker?!"
...on't be mad once you see that he want it. If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, o-ohh...
"Yeah, uh, pretty sure I have to." Naruto said with a shrug even as he bobbed to the beat. Yep, he had to find this song later. He heard a body climb up from behind him at the drummer's set and dodged the attempted blindside with a hard kick to the ass. It added an extra oomph to the drunk's friend's landing in the sand ten feet below. "Sorry, dipshit! It's just part of the job, nothing personal."
"You think so? You don't know." Drunk Guy number who gives a fuck held his fists up an– The fuck kind of stance was that? Don't humans, like, have survival instincts? Why was he leaving his stomach and face exposed? ...Alcohol, blame the alcohol.
"I know that you're drunk." Naruto returned dryly. He ducked under another swing to the right, and dealt a right jab followed by a quick straight. There, that should put him–he stared incredulously as the Lust-Drunk moron got back up...as did his friend. And several others that made it to the front of the stage. Shit. "Damn, can I have what you're having?"
"Go fuck yourself, Pretty Boy Thunder-fuck!"
"...I don't know what that means and I don't think that I want to know, y'know." Naruto deadpanned. He sighed and rolled his shoulders as the drunks rushed him. "Here we go."
What was a drunken brawl felt more like a dance for him. He ducked, weaved, bobbed, popped, and – in one instance – slid around their meager and poorly thought out attacks. One grapple led to him showing just how strong he was even while in his disguise, by jumping up and flipping forward onto two other morons that tried to rush him.
By the time the song finished, he had no less than twelve bodies scattered around him. And a pretty decent earworm stuck in his head.
"If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it." He mutter-sang under his breath as he kicked various improvised and actual weapons away from the drunks. He looked up at Shikamaru. "Hey, what song was that?"
"I dunno." He shrugged as he lit up a cigarette.
"...You're so useful, Shikamaru. Thank you." He snarked and snorted at the middle finger he got in response.
The concert was officially over and Verosika was being loaded into an ambulance with cuffs keeping her in the stretcher, Brains and Brawn loaded in with her as her contract agreement demanded. The rest of her crew were being loaded into police cruisers as suspects for the dubious and multiple deaths that occurred throughout the event. The head Hound of the event remained behind to oversee the clean-up with his 'superior'.
"Fun times." Tex chuckled as he leaned back against the stage while he watched Beach Patrol and the human police round up any more rowdy partiers. He smiled at Naruto. "Thanks for the support, man. I can get their bail sorted."
"No problem." Naruto returned the grin and looked at his watch when it vibrated. Then, he pulled his phone out and opened the text he'd gotten. His jaw flexed and he tucked the phone away. "Keep BnB on hand until you guys get back down. I gotta head out early."
"That–Wait." Tex blinked. He thought only High Nobles or Sins had access to Earthly portals. "How are you going to–?"
"I've got my ways." Naruto offered his fist and a half-grin. "Don't party too hard, Tex."
"And you need to party harder." Tex grinned back as he bumped knuckles. He then caught Naruto's wrist before he could leave. "Seriously, dude. Next party Bee throws, you should be there."
"...If I can make time." He pulled his wrist back and walked off toward the nearby pier. A hand lifted over his shoulder while the other slid into his pocket. "Take it easy, Tex, and try to keep an eye out for more talent! Hell knows we need it."
"Yeah. You got it, Boss." Tex smirked and looked back at the clean up. A minute or two passed before he pursed his lips and then growled into a palm. "Fuck... I forgot to ask him what his plans for that girl were."
"What girl?"
"Huh–Oh, hey, Loona." Tex grinned at the disguised Hellhound as she walked up. "You and your group heading out?"
"Yeah," she said, rubbing her arm as she looked around. Heh, she must have it bad. Good for Naruto. "Uh, did you see–?"
"Naruto? He just –" He glanced at the direction Naruto left, expecting to see him still walking, only for him to be gone. "Huh...Guess you just missed him."
"Oh." Her shoulders slumped. Then she perked up. "So, uh...You guys are close, right?"
"...Something like that." Tex's smile clenched. The fuck did he tell her? Did he tell her anything? Should Tex? No, that's not his call. He can't afford to break the trust he'd clawed and fought to get back. He perked up as he got an idea. "Hey, you know? You're alright. You should come with us to one of my girl's parties, sometime."
"...Your girl?" Loona blinked.
"Yeah, you know, my girlfriend?" He watched her blink again and her face turned red. Weird. Not his problem. "Anyway, she throws parties all the time, here, give me your phone and I'll give you my number. I'll send you an invite next time she throws one."
"...Thanks." She smiled and offered her phone. As he entered his number, she drummed her fingers on her arm. "So...Naruto knows you've got a girlfriend, right?"
"I would fucking hope so. He's basically the reason we met." Tex stilled before he gave her his phone back. "See you around, right?"
"Yeah. ...Yeah, I'll uh, see you around. Tex." She muttered as she walked back to the group of Imps waiting at the beach. Tex watched her go and shook his head.
"She's kind of weird. Cute, though." If he wasn't with Bee, maybe he'd make a pass at it. Or if Bee wanted a threesome, he'd make a pass at it. Unless Naruto was going for her...Maybe. Weren't he and Roxanne a thing, though? Vortex rubbed his head and sighed. "I am so out of the fucking loop."
AN: "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)" is owned by Beyoncé and affiliated record labels.
Poor Vortex. I love to make you hate him, but really, he's just a Hound living the Hell Life the only way he knows how.
Thanks for reading!