Prompt: A King, Queen, or warrior of Narnia is forced to improvise a weapon.

I don't belong here.

Although Susan's laugh was one of those joining the noise and smiling faces filling the room, the thought resurfaced for the hundredth time that evening. This would be the only time this year so many dignitaries and ambassadors would be gathered in the same place. She ought to take advantage of it— so why wasn't she able to?

Lucy was conversing merrily with a lady from Tashbaan, somehow making even her feel welcome. Edmund was moving everywhere in the room, greeting one ambassador and then another, pausing to converse with a duke here and there, and kissing the hand of ladies in greeting. Peter was out of view, but likely talking with more nobility.

Her trembling fingers smoothed out a wrinkle in her dress as she smiled and nodded along to a duke's conversation. Focusing on it seemed impossible.

"The relationship between Calormen and the Islands is indeed an interesting one," she murmured during a pause. "If you'll excuse me, I must find my brother."

She swirled the blood-red wine in her thin glass as she drifted across the room, scanning the nobility in search of Peter. Or, better yet, Aslan, by some miracle. Maybe one of them could explain to her the sickening feeling growing in her stomach.

A curl fell down into her face. She brushed it behind her ear, smiling softly at a group of ladies from Terebinthia. Their giggles and chatter and empty wine glasses all pointed to something Susan didn't have. If only she knew what that was.

Contentment, maybe? The knowledge of how to keep going?

Her eyes burned. She blinked the sensation away, nodding formally to the lone Calormen party gathered at the party in Archenland. King Lune would never stop fighting to have peace with the nation, it seemed. Though apparently this was a friend of Lady Aravis', who vouched for this family's goodwill.

"You look rather lost, sister," Edmund said at her elbow.

She whirled so fast the loose strand of hair fell down again. "Don't startle me like that, please," she muttered. "I was searching for the High King."

"Peter's by the banquet table with King Lune." Edmund tilted his head slightly. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing." She pasted on a soft smile, mentally racing for an excuse. "I was… I was curious as to if he knew where Lord Nirgan is." Idiot. She had no reason to be looking for the elderly Narnian lord, and Edmund knew it.

Edmund's eyebrows creased. She didn't resist as he took her arm and led her to a quiet corner of the room. The scent of wild roses from an open window drifted inside. "Susan… what is it? You can tell me."

The smile was slipping. She glanced at the other guests. None of their gazes seemed directed toward her. For now.

Edmund touched her hand. "Would you like to step outside?"

She shut down the urge to shout in affirmation. Who wouldn't want to get out of the spotlight, away from the curious eyes… to be free of the noise? She gave a slight nod. "That would be refreshing."

"Well then. Allow me?"

She accepted his arm again, and tilted her head toward the Galman princess in greeting as they passed her by the doorway. The princess nodded back with the same soft smile as Susan did. But when she met her gaze for a split second, the look in her eyes clawed at Susan's heart.

It was the same look Susan knew all too well. Trapped.

The breeze in the garden didn't help. It only accentuated the feelings bubbling up inside her, pushing them to erupt when they really, really couldn't. She abandoned Edmund's arm, setting off down a path leading deeper into the more shadowed parts of the garden. The alone parts, less tended than the rest of it.

Edmund's footsteps trailed after her as she reached an overgrown corner, where she was sure to be left alone for the moment.

She paid him no attention as she sank onto a bench, forcing herself to swallow a small sip of the fine wine. She ignored the skirts bunching beneath her.

"I can't do this," she whispered. The crimson liquid swirling in the glass was so much clearer than her muddled thoughts. She couldn't be the perfect queen anymore. Or maybe she never had been. But she had to be.

Edmund sat down on the bench across the walkway and leaned forward, resting on his knees. "What is it, Su?" His voice was soft, the same sort of tone Peter used to comfort Lucy when she was small.

Susan blinked back the sudden tears. "I-I'm not quite sure." She stopped, trying to push down the new rush of emotions. Sadness over nothing. Stress over nothing. "It's nothing I can't handle."

"You don't look like you're handling it very well."

Susan glanced up to meet his eyes, and a single tear slid down her cheek.. "I suppose it wouldn't seem like that. But it—" She trailed off as the bushes rustled behind him and a long, scaly tail slithered out of view.

"Yes?"

"There— there's a snake—" She pointed to the bush, hand trembling again. "Ed, get up!" A low rattling had begun immediately behind Edmund's boots.

Without missing a beat, Edmund jumped up and onto the bench he sat on. The scaly creature slithered forward, its forked tongue flicking in and out.

Susan hurled her wine glass at the snake and retreated rapidly, heart pounding. The glass shattered into a hundred different pieces, all glittering in the moonlight. The snake shrank back with another hiss.

"I don't have a blasted knife on me!" Edmund exclaimed, feeling at his belt where they normally sat. "Why do these parties have to have no weapons?" With a glance down at the unhappy, rattling snake, he jumped off the bench, clear of it. "Go notify the gardener— I'll stay and watch it."

With a quick nod, she rushed away, looking through the grounds for the gardener or any of the staff. It felt good to be doing something, though. By the time the gardener was found and the snake had been dealt with, Lucy had found them.

The youngest queen shuddered with a noise of disgust. "The snakes in Narnia aren't usually so bad as that," she commented. "Even the dumb ones. Won't you both come inside? I want you to meet a new friend of mine, Madaz Tarkheena."

Susan rubbed her arm with her opposite hand. If only she could have some time to calm down before it was time to go back in.

But when duty calls… queens and kings answer it.

She nodded, tipping her lips upward again. "I would love to meet her."

"Wonderful!" Lucy grinned, and turned to lead the way back to the overwhelm inside.

Susan followed, glancing back at Edmund and the solitude of the garden. He raised his eyebrows at her. She supposed he was asking if she was alright.

She nodded, smiling to reassure him.

The crease didn't leave his forehead. "Lu, wait! I need to talk with Susan," he called after her. "She'll be able to join you in a moment."

Lucy hesitated, her gaze lingering on Susan's face, but then she nodded, smoothed her gown, and returned inside.

Edmund stood quietly as Susan slowly turned back to him. "I'm fine, Ed. You don't need to press it."

"Something is clearly wrong and I won't stand for it when any of my family is hurting," he said gently. "Please, tell me."

Susan took a deep breath, twisting the fabric of her pearl gown in her fingers. "My head isn't in it tonight. It's nothing serious."

"Is it because of Rabadash last month?"

She looked up at him sharply, her heart pinching at his words. "It couldn't be that, no."

"Why not?"

She dropped her gaze again to study a single rose on a bush nearby. "I– it's been three months. It's all over, and I shouldn't be thinking about it anymore. I haven't been thinking about it anymore."

But you have.

Edmund simply nodded, and offered her his arm again. She took it gingerly, and they strolled slowly down the moonlit path, footsteps making soft crunching noises on the gravel. She glanced behind them at where the gardener was disposing of the snake.

"But don't you think, sister," Edmund said slowly, "that you would still be processing what happened? Even after we first arrived in Narnia, it took some time for all of us to process what happened then." His tone dipped.

Susan's mind filled with the memories of his betrayal and Aslan's sacrifice, and her chest tightened. "That isn't the same thing. You're our brother, and we forgave you."

"So you didn't forgive Rabadash?"

"By the Lion, Ed, are you interrogating me or trying to help?"

His lips twisted as he glanced at her. "If you want to see it like that, then both."

She sighed, rubbing her hand across her forehead. "I'm sorry… I shouldn't have snapped at you. I'm just– I'm just tired of it all, I suppose."

He hummed softly. "What's 'it all'?"

Susan waved a hand at the palace and open doors to the dance hall. "All of it. I'm overjoyed at the Prince Cor being found, glad Lady Aravis made it to freedom, and thankful to King Lune for his invitation this month… but sometimes I wish I…" She trailed off. I wish I wasn't the "Gentle queen" so I could have a break. "Sometimes I wish I could take a night off," she finished after a long moment.

Edmund squeezed her hand. "It's all right to not be all right, you know. What say you retire early?"

Her heart leapt at the very suggestion. Sleep, time to be completely alone… no one to perform for, to have to carry on conversation with… it sounded like bliss, at the moment.

"I should continue to appear at the banquet," she forced herself to say instead. "It's my duty."

"There's four of us– you won't be too terribly missed, I'm sure. May I make a suggestion? Stay down here for fifteen minutes more, so you can meet Madaz Tarkheena, and then go rest."

But that isn't what I should be doing.

Between her longing for rest and Edmund's slightly raised eyebrow, she nodded slowly. "I… I suppose that would be acceptable. You're sure the High King won't mind my absence?"

"I'll explain it to him," he promised. "He won't mind."

Susan nodded, then gave Edmund a quick hug from the side, careful not to muss her dress. "Thank you. You're right."

He gave her a small smile. "Anytime."

A/N: HURRAY, it's time to start posting AiN snippets again! I'm so excited to get into the rhythm of things this month.

I drew away from the prompt a fair bit, leaning more into the emotions of this scene, but I'm pretty sure it will still count haha? I enjoyed writing it, at any rate.

Thank you for reading, and I'd love to hear your thoughts on this piece!