So...I haven't been this steadily productive on a fic in like 10 years. I'm almost mad about it. Anyway, another Friday, another chapter. Enjoy!
Hit wasn't big on tours, either giving or receiving, but Dyspo was apparently a fan. Any building they passed, Dyspo explained its purpose and offered some fun facts. So far Hit had seen the exteriors of the barracks, two supply sheds, a greenhouse, a laboratory, and the powerhouse and generator room. He'd also heard how the buildings had been salvaged from the legendary night of the lake monster rampage.
"You gotta see Robo-Chef 9000. Apparently none of those big-brain scientists could cook so they brought him. He got a little scuffed when the lake monster came through but he can still whip up just about anything you'd want, so long as we've got the ingredients," Dyspo explained.
And now he'd heard about Robo-Chef 9000. Hit filed it away with everything else.
"Speaking of ingredients, you got any allergies?" Dyspo asked.
Hit, in a thousand years, didn't think he'd ever been asked about allergies in a casual conversation. Then again, it wasn't like he dined out much.
"Not to my knowledge," he replied.
"I'd ask if there's anything you really don't like, but if you'd eat swamp rat, it's not like broccoli is gonna scare you." The Pride Trooper opened the door to the cafeteria. "Here we- Uh-oh, this might be awkward."
It seemed that everyone on the planet had had the same inclination: go to the cafeteria and binge drink coffee. Cocotte had quietly returned from wherever she'd been hunkered down and was at a table with Top, K'nsi, and Marcarita. Top grabbed his comically large mug and moved toward the back exit.
"Don't bother," Hit said. "I'm comfortable eating alone."
Top silently returned to his seat. Beside him, Cocotte whispered something to K'nsi. Hit could tell from the subtle twitching of Dyspo's ears that the rabbit heard it all.
Long after it would appear anything except forced and unnatural, Cocotte said, "No, please, we've got plenty of space in here."
Her blatant elbow into K'nsi's side and his hasty "yeah, you should stay!" didn't make Hit feel anymore welcome.
"I called it," Dyspo said. "Awkward."
Considering that he'd terrorized two of the room's occupants while another had nearly destroyed him, Hit understood and took no offense. Fine, maybe minimal offense, if only because a little threatening didn't really compare to what he'd endured at Top's hands. Either way, the assassin saved himself and everyone in the room from any further embarrassment by stepping back the way he'd come.
"Give me five minutes, I'll bring you a Robo-Chef special," Dyspo called to the closing door.
True to his word, five minutes later Dyspo appeared with two heaping plates of food, plus a box filled with exotic fruits. He looked around and didn't see Hit anywhere. Crap.
If he couldn't see the assassin, maybe he could find him another way. Dyspo focused his ears on his surroundings. Almost like a radio, Dyspo could "tune" his ears to certain sounds while filtering out others, allowing him to pick up something as delicate as muscle contractions while ignoring something obnoxious, such as a catty Destroyer and his vuvuzela.
Birds. Angry conversation. He'd come back to that. The wind. Waves splashing against the lake shore. Coffee brewing and food sizzling. Heavy cloth sliding against metal. There it was!
Dyspo blocked out everything besides the distinct sound. By making tiny adjustments with his ears he was able to pinpoint the source of it. He carefully took flight, balancing the food as he gained elevation.
Hit hadn't gone far. He was sitting on the roof of the cafeteria, eyes closed, face positioned towards the sun.
"What are you doing?" Dyspo asked.
"I'm ectothermic. I need to warm my body before I eat or I won't digest properly."
"Huh," Dyspo said. "Like a lizard. Damn. How long do you need?"
Hit opened his eyes and turned his head toward the Pride Trooper. "About as long as you'd need to find my home planet."
"What's that supposed to- You asshole! You were lying about that too?!" Dyspo demanded.
"I'm neither reptilian nor do I need my body repatriated on my home world. You're released from that burden."
The Pride Trooper bristled. "Great, because it's not like there would have been anything left to bury! Next time someone wants to hakai you, I'm gonna let them. Unbelievable."
"I do appreciate the sentiment," Hit said.
"You're gonna appreciate my foot in your face! Here, eat your damned lunch so we can get to it."
Dyspo dropped one of the plates at Hit's side, spilling a fair amount of the food in the process. The rabbit then took his own plate, plus his box of fruit, and stomped over to the opposite side of the roof.
Hit picked up the plate without comment. The utensils had managed to stay atop the food and were still clean. Hit chose a fork and used it to examine what Dyspo had brought him. He couldn't identify the exact species of everything on the plate, but he recognized some sort of fish, a rice-like grain, and a leafy vegetable. It seemed the very basics of food weren't that different between the Sixth and Eleventh universes.
"If you weren't sunning yourself, what were you really doing up here?" Dyspo asked, after an interminable silence of…two minutes.
"Eavesdropping on your teammates," Hit replied. "I noticed there was a vent in the ceiling above them and thought it might open on the roof. I was right. It's faint, and I can't hear everything, but-"
"I can. Hear everything, I mean. Don't even need the vent."
"My ears aren't that good."
"Aren't you older than the hills? Maybe it's time for hearing aids." Dyspo smirked at Hit's scowl.
Now it was Hit's turn to enforce the interminable silence. He lasted twice as long as Dyspo before cracking to his curiosity.
"Why do you have that?" the assassin asked.
"What, the box? It's snacks for the lake monster. We feed him a couple times a week," Dyspo explained. "K'nsi's got a schedule written up for it and everything."
"You're turning the lake monster into a pet?"
"We were originally gonna kill him. I mean, he almost ate a dozen scientists. But it didn't feel right, since he was here first and was just acting on instinct to protect his turf. K'nsi suggested we tame him. I thought he was nuts and was gonna get stomped but it's working out."
The image of the short Pride Trooper offering fruit to the lake monster like a child holding sugar cubes for a pony entered Hit's mind.
"Anyway, since you eat like the old man you are, I'm going to stick to the feeding schedule. Back in a few."
Dyspo was much faster on the ground than in the air but he was in no hurry. Or, more accurately, he was in a hell of a hurry but realized rushing Hit would only result in the assassin dragging out lunch until nightfall. It would be less aggravating to take care of some chores and pretend he wasn't dying for a fight.
"Soup's on, come get it!" Dyspo called. He dropped a few fruits into the center of the lake. There was an almost instantaneous response. A creature that resembled an enormous elongated seal emerged directly below the fruits and swallowed them whole.
"Here's the rest." The Pride Trooper dumped the remaining food into the lake monster's waiting jaws. Satisfied, the massive animal sunk back to the depths.
Mission accomplished, Dyspo returned to the roof. He found Hit had not only finished eating, but had tidied up the spilled food and stacked the used dishes.
"Knew you were a neat freak, just by looking at you," Dyspo said.
"It's common decency to clean up a mess you made," Hit replied. "You couldn't be bothered so I took responsibility."
"Are you calling me a slob?! On top of all your other bullshit?! That's it, I have had it up to here with you!" Dyspo pointed to the very tips of his prodigious ears. "You're gonna wish you'd gone back to rat planet while you still had the chance!"
Hit slipped his hands into his pockets.
Dyspo lost his mind.
Whether it was the swearing or Dyspo's spiking energy that drew the audience, there were soon three curious onlookers gathered on the ground. Top was on his way but needed a little maneuvering to exit a door made for smaller beings. He was forced to turn sideways, duck, and hold his breath to avoid damaging the door frame.
The largest Pride Trooper finally made his escape. He joined K'nsi, Cocotte and Marcarita, the former two making room to allow him between them.
"What happened?" Top asked.
"He's being a smart-ass and he's gonna regret it. Top, you're the ref. Let's go." Dyspo hopped from the roof and headed for the training grounds.
If Hit had an issue with Top's appointment, he kept an immaculate poker face. The assassin, hands still nestled in his pockets, followed at a pace he hoped would further infuriate his opponent. The reluctant referee and the rest of the audience trailed behind at a respectful distance.
"Took you long enough!" Dyspo groused once Hit arrived. "But I get it. I wouldn't want to fight me either."
"I was trying to give you more time to come to your senses," Hit replied. "Or to make peace with your fate."
Top waded in between the two warriors, temporarily shutting down the trash talk. "Before anyone fights, we must establish ground rules. First, no killing. Second, no blows below the belt. Third, these are the conditions for victory: a ring-out, rendering the opponent unable to continue, or the opponent forfeiting."
"Ain't much of a ring," Dyspo said, toeing the simple painted line that marked the perimeter of the sparring ground. "Let's scrap that. Knockout or surrender, how's that suit you?"
Not as well as it suited Dyspo, who was severely hampered if he didn't have room to roam and build up speed. Despite the disadvantage he was giving himself, Hit offered no protest. Top accepted the change and made it official.
With the rules now in place, the referee excused himself to the sidelines...which weren't easy to define, given that there was no set ring. Top settled for rejoining the rest of the audience but prepared to move if the battle demanded it.
"And...begin!"
Dyspo threw himself full speed at Hit. The rabbit's body was reduced to a blur nothing except a divine being could properly see and appreciate.
Hit vanished.
The Pride Trooper found himself stumbling through the space where his opponent had been a fraction of a second ago. Dyspo had been prepared to slam into a solid object and meeting only air left him skidding in confusion. He recovered his footing after a moment and tried to figure out the trick.
"Time skip? Didn't sound like it," Dyspo said.
When two seconds elapsed and the assassin didn't reappear, Dyspo wrote off any chance it was a time skip. There was no way even Hit could push a technique that far and that fast. This had to be something else.
"Come on, where'd you go?" Dyspo's ears strained to catch anything out of the ordinary.
Four seconds and Dyspo started to sweat. Did Hit have the ability to actually turn invisible? No, even if he did, that wouldn't stop him from making noise.
Five seconds and Dyspo began to feel like he was in a horror movie and waiting for the inevitable jump-scare. His body was a tensed mess of nerves. His ears were going haywire, seeking out any hint of what was coming and from where but meeting only disconcerting silence.
"Damn it." Dyspo's mouth was so dry he had to work to speak. "What's going on here?"
Six seconds and the trap was sprung. Before he could comprehend what was happening, Dyspo found himself in a chokehold with another arm across his chest to ensure he wasn't going anyway.
"Surrender." It wasn't a suggestion.
"I don't know what kind of cheap shit you pulled but-"
Hit adjusted his angle, aligning the crook of his elbow with the center of Dyspo's trachea. He didn't apply any pressure but the threat was implicit.
"Surrender."
"Screw you."
Just as he was about to flex his arm, a strange thought wormed its way to the forefront of Hit's brain.
Our bodies fit together beautifully.
Maybe it was brought on by Dyspo's choice of words, maybe by simple physical circumstances, maybe by a month of total and complete isolation. Whatever the source, Hit wasted no time wrangling the thought, stomping it to death, rolling it into a ball, and throwing it into a volcano. Where it would be gone forever and he'd never have to consider anything like that for the rest of his life.
The time it took Hit to dispose of the errant idea was sufficient for Dyspo to recover from the shock of being grabbed out of nowhere and formulate a counter-attack. Hit hadn't slackened his grip much but it was enough to allow Dyspo the range of motion he needed for a vicious headbutt. The Pride Trooper drove the back of his skull into the assassin's unsuspecting face.
A stunning shock of pain turned Hit's vision white for a few seconds. He involuntarily released his target, who was gone at the speed of light. Blood poured from his surely-broken nose, spattering first his face and then his coat, staining them both a deep purple.
Once his vision cleared enough for him to make out the training ground through a bright haze, Hit immediately went on the hunt. His body was resilient, it could handle a bloody nose, even a bad one. It would take more than an opportunistic shot to put him down.
Two or three or ten might make things more difficult. Hit realized Dyspo was running circles around him. Literal damned circles. Sometimes the rabbit would dart toward Hit at even greater speed and a well-aimed kick would send the assassin sprawling.
It wasn't pleasant to get tossed ass over tea kettle but at least Hit was learning from the experience. Or reliving a lesson he already knew. Dyspo was fast. Fast on a scale only light waves and particles understood. But just like in the Tournament, his speed made him predictable. The rabbit had a few new moves, but the mainstay of his battle strategy was the same.
Trying to visually keep track of Dyspo or follow his energy was an exercise in futility. Hit gave it up and focused on himself. He tensed his muscles, bringing his body to the edge of triggering a time skip. Then he waited.
"I know you're up to something," Dyspo taunted. "I don't care what it is, it's not gonna work."
"If you're so confident, attack me," Hit replied.
"Who do I look like, some Universe 7 Saiyan? I'm not falling for that."
Hit couldn't help but smirk and imagine how Vegeta would react to his precious species being used as an insult. The Saiyan would no doubt play right into Hit's hands for the sake of his honor and ego. Though he'd also reserve a few punches for the Pride Trooper's audacity.
Dyspo continued running laps around Hit, making an occasional lunge at the assassin to try and knock him off balance but generally playing keep-away. While he circled, feeling much more like a predator than rabbits usually got to feel, Dyspo put his ears to work. He still didn't know what Hit's plan was, but he could hear the assassin was flagging. Overworked muscles were beginning to spasm and Hit's breaths came in sharp pants.
All Dyspo had to do was sit back and wait.
Hit muttered a curse under his breath. Dyspo heard it as clearly as if he'd been standing next to Hit instead of halfway across a field. The Pride Trooper grinned. Somebody was starting to sound desperate.
Then the moment Dyspo had anticipated arrived. Total system failure. Hit grimaced sharply and staggered. He couldn't maintain the incredible full-body tension any longer. Hell, it looked like he could hardly keep his footing.
"Take a seat, grandpa!" Dyspo shouted with malicious glee. "Here, let me help you down!"
The Pride Trooper activated his Light Bullet attack. He charged at Hit with a speed that pressed the laws of physics to their limit. Even a graze at such a velocity would be enough to put Hit out of commission.
Or so Dyspo thought.
The sudden permutation of everything changed the rabbit's tune. What had just been sun and sky now looked like a cracked kaleidoscope. It was beautiful and alien and like nothing he'd ever seen before. Dyspo, mouth open in sheer awe, forgot all about fighting. He even forgot about running. His legs locked and momentum carried him onward like a skater sliding across ice until friction brought him to a slow stop.
"What is this?" Dyspo asked, voice low and reverent.
"My pocket dimension. I needed you close enough to join me here so I allowed myself to appear vulnerable," Hit replied, looking none the worse for wear. "I doubted you'd be able to resist."
"I can't even be mad. You're a hell of an actor. I thought you were toast but you go and pull a whole dimension out of your ass." The Pride Trooper laughed. "I wish we could recruit you."
"I think our values would clash."
"You'd look damn good in the uniform though."
Hit and Dyspo both froze as the compliment sunk in.
"I just meant- You know- You're really-"
The assassin held up a hand, silencing Dyspo's babbling. "We have some matters to discuss. The pocket dimension won't last that long, but if you can think of a place-"
"My room?" Dyspo blurted out.
"Maybe somewhere less conspicuous."
Dyspo face-palmed. He didn't think he could blush any harder, but lo and behold, he did. If any more blood ran to his face, he was pretty sure his vital organs were going to start having problems. Maybe that's what was wrong with his brain.
"I know a spot where literally nobody but me has ever gone. We can meet there tonight," Dyspo said. He spelled out the coordinates. Hit committed them to memory.
The Pride Trooper took another look around the temporary dimension. "What are we gonna tell Top when he asks why we both disappeared?"
Hit grabbed Dyspo's shoulders and turned the rabbit to face him. Whatever Dyspo expected Hit to do next, bopping him squarely in the nose wasn't it. The Pride Trooper swore and clutched his face, feeling blood trickle between his fingers.
"What the hell was that for?!" Dyspo demanded.
"I brought you here to limit your range. I paid you back for your headbutt and now I'm satisfied. We both have had enough and are considering the match a draw."
The pocket dimension faded and the two warriors returned to the wider reality.
Author's Notes:
Ectothermic is a fancy term for "cold-blooded" animals like fish and reptiles that use outside heat sources to regulate their body temperatures.
The chapter title is a terrible play on the classic horror movie The Hills Have Eyes.
Thanks for reading!