Chapter 20

Brendan pov

He started playing again when he was in prison, with Walker of all people. He ignored the memory of him that resonated with this game. Now he'd make more memories. This memory.

"I'm not very good" Steven said as he self consciously pulled at his ear whilst staring down at the board.

Always so hard on himself.

"It's a hard game, you'll pick it up. It takes everyone a while."

His slender fingers had been deliberating over a bishop for a while, he'd definitely forgotten which way it could move, the thought made Brendan chuckle to himself. He made his move. The wrong move. Brendan contemplated ignoring the mistake and concentrating his efforts elsewhere, but Steven was no child and he wanted to learn, he'd despise being babied.

"Checkmate" Brendan said deeply, looking up at him as he moved his white queen.

"Oh. I've lost?" the boy asked with such naivety that it made the Irishman want to swipe the board off the table and pull him into a passionate kiss.

"Today. Might be a different story next week" Brendan said encouragingly, and slyly indicating that their previous visiting arrangement would resume, desperately hoping he wouldn't get rejected.

"Yeah" Steven said hesitantly and then relaxed into a smile. "Yeah," he repeated more confidently.

He sipped his piping hot coffee as he perused the club accounts, he'd barely focused on anything work related in the last week, too consumed with seeking revenge on Walker and somehow bridging the ever increasing irreversible void that had been developing between him and Steven.

Yesterday had been the first step in bridging said void. When Amy called last week to let him know that Steven had injured himself again and ended up in the medical ward it felt like a punch to the gut. Seeing him yesterday was even worse, it was like all the progress he'd made over the last 3 weeks had been undone, he was nervous, unable to hold eye contact, sad. His hood remained up for the entire visit, hiding the evidence of his assault on himself, another thing Brendan had caused.

Not having Steven in his life made Brendan feel like he was stuck out in the cold, it chilled him to the bone and left him aching. Since sacking Steven, Brendan hadn't been able to penetrate the frosty exterior that the boy had had put up no matter what he tried. Getting Steven back had mission number 1 since he'd coughed up the £80k for his secret deal with Doug over the deli. He'd slowly tried to integrate himself back into Steven's life and was met with hostility every step of the way. Unsurprising now he knew what was going on in the boy's head, the trauma that lay beneath the surface. The truth had been locked away like a dirty secret, he knew more than most about those.

If he was honest with himself, even Steven being in Clairmont had been a part of his manipulation, his quest to be in control of Steven and his life. Of Course he wanted him to get better, he wanted nothing but the best for him, but the best included Brendan being the one to save him, or at least it had.

He had kept his conversation with Walker from Steven, he didn't spill the proverbial beans that his dodgy dealings had tipped the dominos on an unhinged man seeking revenge. That the worst thing that had happened to Steven, that could ever happen to him, had been caused by Brendan. That the man that brutally violated him had done so to get to Brendan. That the event that had changed his life forever was a product of Brendans immoral actions. That it was all his fault.

If Steven knew he'd never talk to him again, he'd banish him from his life, cut him out like the cancer he was and Brendan could hardly blame him, but if he couldn't be around he wouldn't be able to protect him. Everything had changed now, Steven's safety was all that mattered. He'd spend the rest of his life protecting that kid if he had to, but that's where it ended. Steven needed a friend, a confidant, a shoulder to cry on, a guardian, he didn't need the relentless pursuit of a man who wasn't good enough for him. Going forward it was strictly platonic friendship and protection, no funny business, not now not ever.

He blinked his eyes open and shut hard several times, the names in front of him were swimming on the screen. He'd been in the club since 8am after barely sleeping last night, done all the accounts, all the orders and now he was trying to sort the rota for the week ahead. He was too tired for this shit.

Suddenly the club door opened and Kevin walked confidently into the office, stopping in his tracks when he saw Brendan at the desk.

"Shit!" he gasped clutching his chest in surprise "i didn't realise you were in here"

This was the last thing he needed.

"Well it is my office Kevin, should be too much of a shock to find me in it" he said rubbing his temples.

"Yeah, course, i just didn't realise you were working today, Cheryl said you were taking a few days off"

"Did she now?"

Kevin stood awkwardly for a moment before moving towards Brendan, for fuck sake he thought to himself, the kid was going to try it on. Instead however he walked past the desk and through the door behind into the barely used staff room which held the coat racks, some storage and a tiny kitchenette.

"Fancy a coffee? You look like you need it"

Interesting. The kid was being fairly cordial, like their encounter last week hadn't even happened. Like he hadn't thrown him across the bar and tried to strangle him for even mentioning Stevens name.

"Yeah, white -"

"-three sugars. I know"

The kettle clicked on. Kevin walked back into the office, minus his jacket which he'd obviously hung up. He studied the whiteboard that was hung above the office sofa.

"Just me and Ash working the bar today then"

"I'll be here if it gets busy"

"On a monday? You know Cheryl was onto something when she said you should stay closed Sunday and Monday, it costs you more to run this place than you actually make most of the time."

"Thank you for your words of wisdom Kevin" he replied sarcastically.

Kid had a point though, as had Cheryl when she brought it up. Fridays and Saturdays were their money makers, 'thirsty thursday' brought in a decent crowd, Tuesday was student night and wednesday had a mix of regular punters and the sports teams from the local college and Uni, but Sundays and Mondays were practically dead. The only reason he'd always opened those days was so he could put himself and Steven on shift and not worry about prying eyes or having to actually work when all he wanted to do was flirt with him and then drag him into the cellar for a quickie. Now opening everyday was just a habit. It 100% made business sense to close those days unless it was for a private event, not that he'd admit that to a jumped up Kevn.

The lad emerged from the back room again and placed a coffee down on Brendans desk.

"Thanks" he muttered

"Are you doing the rota for this week?"

"Trying to," he admitted. It should have already been done.

"Do you want me to do it?" Kevin asked as he blew on his coffee before taking a sip.

"I'm more than capable of doing a rota"

"I know," he said, rolling his eyes, "I was just offering, I'm hardly going to be busy tonight" he gestured towards the empty club. "And you look shattered".

Shattered was an understatement, his mind was working overtime. He was hardly going to get an early night if he left now, but it would give him time to make some important calls, get some wheels in motion, especially with Cheryl and Lyndsey out.

He deliberated for a few seconds before standing abrupt and gulping the majority of his coffee down. He grabbed his blazer from the back of the chair

"Alright kevin. Make yourself useful. Dont fuck it up"

"Sure thing boss"

Boss. he'd liked it when Kevin had started using that term before, it made the blood rush to his dick a bit, that was over now. God he hoped the lad realised that was 100% over and this wasn't some ill-advised attempt to win him back over.

Kevin wasn't even looking at him though, just sat down at the desk and started working, no innuendo or flirty eye contact, like there had been absolutely nothing between them. Employee and employer. Clean. Good.

"Right, i'll see you tomorrow then"

"Phwoar i dunno, depends if i fancy putting myself down tomorrow doesn't it" he said jokingly, still not looking at Brendan.

Jokes. That's fine. Workplace banter and all that.

"Well i guess it depends on whether you want to get paid or not"

"Touche," Kevin conceded.

And on that note, Brendan departed for home.

Once back at the flat he threw his blazer onto the bannister and settled down with a large malt whisky at the dining table. Time to do business.

Brendan swallowed hard, what to do when faced with a rock and a hard place? He'd made a promise to Steven to let sleeping dogs lie and god did he wish he could keep to it, truly, if it had been about anything else, anything else in the world he would move heaven and earth to keep his promise. This however wasn't up for discussion. Steven had no idea how dangerous Walker really was, the lengths the psycho would go to to punish Brendan and how easily he would use Steven as a pawn in his game. Letting this go was not an option, Walker had told him it wasn't over so Brednan had to strike first.

He got out his phone and selected the number under T.H

"Yeah?"

"Tommo? Brendan Brady"

"Brady? Fucking hell, long time no speak"

"Yeah, been a while. Listen, We've got a problem and it needs sorting"

Liverpool 6 years ago.

The smell from the smashed bottle of champagne scattered all over the floor lingered in his nostrils as clothes were ripped and flesh was gripped. The sound of the beer barrel being slid on the concrete with the pressure of his thrusts mixed with his low grunts and the lad's quiet moans filled the room. Brendan had the lad bent over the barrel, trousers pulled just below his arse, t-shirt pushed up to his neck as he used his hands to tightly grip his hips while he enthusiastically slammed away. He could feel his climax building so he cast his eyes to the ceiling trying to last out and prolong the ecstasy. God this was good, he suddenly remembered this was a two way street so he quickly took hold of the lad's dick and started to pump him as he lay virtually motionless beneath him, eyes softly rolling back.

"Ahhhh Brendan" he gasped as his hands held onto the barrel rim.

He was always pretty reserved during sex, Brendan knew he was enjoying himself, the result was evident and the lad always said how much he loved it, but he never let loose, never let himself get swept up with passion. He was pretty vanilla, inexperienced, a bit of a pillow princess, but he was all Brendan had.

Another small moan before the lad stilled his movements and Brendan felt the tell-tale splatter over his fingers. He took this as his cue for free reign, thrusting with purpose as he stared at the back of the lads head, the blonde tousled locks and his glinting gold earring, before looking down at where they were joined and he was burying himself into the lads hole, that tipped him over the edge and his body convulsed, collapsing onto the lads back as he rode out his high.

Once his breathing evened out he stood and tucked himself away, straightened up his collar and sniffed aggressively a couple of times, dragging his palm over his mouth as he tried to gain composure. The Brendan Brady mask needed to be firmly back in place before he left this room.

He stared at his reflection in the boarded up single window in the basement, using it as a makeshift mirror to tame his roughed up hair where the lad had run his fingers through it during their initial make-out session.

"That was boss" the lad said in his soft Liverpudlian accent as he redressed himself.

Brendan ignored him, why did always feel the need to talk afterwards?

"Nicole and Mark will be here for their shifts soon, you better get back up the front and get started on the cleaning" he replied nonchalantly

"Got half an hour still" he said tentatively

The next thing Brendan felt was the lads hand tenderly stroke down his shoulder blade and settle just above his arse, on instinct Brendan spun and grabbed the lads wrist, roughly yanking him around and holding his arm at a painful angle behind his back.

"What have I told ye about touching me boy?" Brendan snarled centimetres away from the side of his face.

The boy cowered in fear.

"Sorry, sorry, i'm sorry" he whimpered as he tried to pull away and screwed up his face.

Brendan sighed and flung the lad forward,

"Get out of here" the boy scampered for the door "and stay out of my way tonight!" he followed up with.

Once he was gone Brendan leant on some crates and let out an agitated sigh. Fucking Vinnie. He always had to go and ruin things, always had to get too emotional, had to act like a fucking queer.

After he calmed himself down he made his way up through the levels to the main bar. This place was a bit of a maze and if he was being honest, a bit of a shithole, but it was a front. This was one of Danny Houstons many bars which he used for money laundering, drug running and he was pretty sure he was running escorts through the place too. It didn't matter though, it was Brendans job to keep this place afloat and off the old bills radar.

"Alright Brady" a voice called out from one of the bar stools.

It was Cameron's job to keep the dealers in line and keep merchandise flowing.

"Cameron, nice of you to show up"

They were unofficial 'co-managers' of the business, Brendan was the front, the charisma, and Cameron was the backstreet scally.

"Was a bit tied up with Mandy earlier" he said with a wink

"Which one is she again?" Brendan asked with a slightly bemused look on his face as he rounded the bar and cracked open a beer.

"That petite little brunette with the killer blue eyes and bum you could crack a walnut on, mate's with that loud mouthed Scottish girl with the-" he made a crass gesture with his hands to indicate 'giant boobs'. Always a class act was Cameron.

Cameron was a self assured 24 year old chancer, gift of the gab, not as good looking as he thought he was but managed to talk most girls into bed with some sort of charm and a lot of lies. Brendan couldn't see the appeal personally. He was tall, athletic, dark floppy hair, pale and dressed like an oasis reject, but he was good at what he did, so Brendan had to give him that.

The only thing that distracted him from business was whatever feisty little brunette was in favour on that particular day, a slave to his hormones still.

"I can hook you up with her mate if you're interested?"

"Not really my type, Cameron" Brendan replied casually

"You dont say"

"What?"

Something about how Cameron just said that didn't sit well with Brendan, but just as quickly as he'd said it, he moved on to a different topic.

"Has Danny been in yet?"

"Not yet, heard there's a new big shipment coming in tonight, down at the docks"

"Yeah there is, the motherload. We're going to be fucking rich Brendan my good friend" Cameron said with enthusiasm as grinned manically and downed two shots of tequila.

"Well until then do you mind not drinking my stock"

"Always the grump Brendan, lighten up, get your leg over or something" he said with a wink.

Brendan ignored him and opened the till to replenish the notes and change.

"What are you looking at?'

Brendan's eyes shot up to see who Cameron was talking to, he saw Vinnie stood there with a mop in his hand looking like a deer caught in the headlights.

"N-n-n-n-nothing" he stammered.

"Clean the toilets vinnie"

Vinne looked at him wide eyed

"I said clean the toilets vinnie" Brendan repeated slower

The lad moved on the second instruction and disappeared down the hallway towards the toilets. Cameron was following his retreating figure with disdain.

"Fucking weirdo" he muttered

"He's alright" brendan responded casually without looking up

"Really? He doesn't give you the creeps? Always just lurking around, never saying anything, wouldn't say boo to a goose, never see him with girls or mates. Odd"

Brendan felt a slight irritation at Cameron shitting on vinnie, he didn't like people bad mouthing his stuff. He was more irritated at Cameron noticing Vinnie was never around girls, he'd have to tell him to pull one of the student tarts one night to keep up the pretence.

"Ah he's harmless, does his work, doesn't get under my feet and doesn't ask questions"

Cameron shrugged and downed another shot.

"Did Danny ask anything about how much we ran through here last month?"

He shook his head and downturned his mouth, a No. "why?"

"Probably nothing, just heard he'd been asking the delivery lads a few questions. Sounded like he thought someone might be skimming or something."

"He's not mentioned anything to me, the lads probably got it wrong"

Cameron nodded thoughtfully before turning leisurely on the barstool he was sitting on, leaning back on the bar, arms splayed, intently watching Nicole as she bent over moving crates.

Brendan felt a chill run down his spine. Fuck.

Present day

He'd never known the days to go by as slowly as they currently did, even when he was a kid and he'd painstakingly tick each day off December off the calendar, desperate to get to christmas day and open his presents, it still felt a hell of a lot faster than these days were going.

It was finally Wednesday though, he'd made it from Hollyoaks in good time and was standing with the collection of other visitors in the car park waiting for the security guards to let them through. He'd started to recognise other people who were here to visit the patients, the dad that always watches friends episodes with his son in the tv room, the woman in her 60's who visited her middle aged daughter and got through about 20 cups of tea in canteen, the girl that visited her boyfriend and they always slipped off to his room when the nurses weren't watching. Friends and family, the loved ones of someone who was mentally struggling. He wondered if any of them had similar stories to Ste's, although he doubted anyone's story was quite as fucked up and dark as his. Revenge Rape.

He nodded at the final security guard as he made his way through to the reception, he wandered into the games room of his own accord, expecting Steven to be waiting there. He wasn't. He looked around bewildered when one of the nurses caught his eyeline and made her way over to him, he'd spoken to her everyday he'd come here, shit what was her name? Sharon? Sheila?

"Hi Brendan"

"Hi…..Charlotte" (?) he said awkwardly

"You're looking for Ste"

He gave her a tight smile and nodded.

"Great, follow me, he's just with Noah"

What. the. Fuck.

Noah? What in god's name was Noah doing here?! How did he know Steven was in here? Were they still friendly? Did they still speak? He thought he'd got rid of that muscle mary last year, shipped the annoying smug git off to Newcastle never to be seen again. Apparently he was wrong.

He followed Charlotte closely as she led him into the TV room and headed for the doors that opened up onto the garden, she pointed ahead

"You'll find them out there" she said with a smile

Brendan knew his green eyed monster was rearing its ugly head but Noah was no good for Steven. He betrayed him before, even if Brendan had stirred the pot, and he'd do the same again. Nope, not happening, not on Brendan's watch, it was his job to keep Steven safe now and keep leeches like Noah far away from him.

He stepped out into the garden, his eyes searching left and right for the pair. Suddenly he saw Steven come running around the corner and look momentarily stunned when he locked eyes with Brendan, had he forgotten he was coming?

"You're here!" he said mildly out of breath, walking over and stopping just in front of Brendan.

"I am"

"Lost track of time" the boy said with a shy grin on his face.

'I bet you did,' he thought to himself. He had no business looking cute right now.

"Well you've been busy haven't you, with …Noah" the older man let the name linger on his lips.

Steven looked bemused for a second, he still had a smile on his face though.

"You know about Noah?"

"The nurse just filled me in"

"Oh" his grin grew even bigger. "It's great init, I thought it were bonkers at first but it's been fun. He's really taken my mind off stuff"

Brendan could feel his hands clenching into fists by his side, i should be the one taking your mind off it.

"Huh, Well maybe i should go, leave you both to it"

The boys face contorted in confusion

"Do you not like them? He's nice, not too much, he's around here somewhere, he was just chasing me" his head snapped round from side to side as he searched "i hope i haven't lost him" he started to turn around as he searched.

What was he on about? Them? Chasing him? shit Brendan hoped this wasn't a medication thing.

"Nooaaahh" Steven called out

Before Brednan had a chance to say anything more the boy dropped to his knees,

"There you are!"

Out of the corner of his eye a small ginger curly looking dog came running up and jumped into Stevens arms, licking his face.

Steven stood with the mutt in his arms and smiled, Jesus he looked so young.

"Brendan, this is Noah, he's a cavapoo"

OK, now he was seriously confused.

"Noah….is…. a ….dog" he said slowly, looking at Noah in his literal puppy dog eyes.

Steven nodded emphatically.

"Yeah, the Nurse told you d'int she?"

Brendan was still just staring at the dog "she just said you were with Noah" he said absentmindedly.

Realisation dawned on the boys face and it morphed into a sly smirk

"You thought it was Noah, my ex?"

Brendan looked up guiltily, "maybe" he muttered, slightly embarrassed.

Steven let out a giggle and motioned for Brendan to walk with them as they made their way to one of the picnic benches.

"He's like an emotional support dog or something, helps people with anxiety and depression and that. They bring him in here every week, he's nice int he?"

The boy was stroking the dog that had curled up on his lap in exhaustion.

"Yeah, he's nice, I guess. Not really a dog person myself. Slobber and all that"

Steven sighed, "why does that not surprise me"

Fair point.

"So you've enjoyed having him this morning?" Steven nodded "Good. im glad"

"Can't believe you thought it were Noah Noah" he dissolved into a laugh causing the dog to raise its head and look around.

"It's not funny"

"It kind of is"

Brendan let out a huff of a laugh.

"So tell me what's new since sunday?"

Considering that the last two days had dragged on excruciatingly slowly, the past 5 hours had literally flown by, it was never enough time. When Steven was like this, light hearted, happy, seemingly carefree, he was like the sun that everyone and everything rotated around. Brendan's sun.

But he wasn't his anything anymore, that was the promise he'd made to himself after the last visit, he was only here to befriend and protect Steven, no more. He firmly shoved his hands into his pockets to try and stop his resolve breaking, the boy's skin was looking especially tanned and delectable today.

Dog Noah was pawing at his legs as he stood to say his goodbyes to the boy. Steven was looking down at it and smiling, he obviously hadn't had a hair cut in quite some time and it was now overgrown and reminiscent of his old boyish style, longer even, floppy. It was falling in his face as he looked back up at Brendan, the Irishman gently stroked his fringe out of his eyes, he used to love being able to do that to him.

Pesky hands, how'd they get out?

Steven smiled shyly at him before looking away under Brendan's intense gaze.

"See you Sunday then"

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