A/N

Just to put one reviewers' mind at ease, Lyndsey is alive and well :)

Chapter 23

Ste pov

He took in a deep breath to steady the nerves that were coursing through his body, he didn't want this sudden trepidation to ruin this for him. He should be elated, he'd been so excited about this for weeks, literally ticking the days off the calendar.

"Now" Louise tilted her head to the side and dipped slightly to catch Ste's eyeline "you have my details and the reception number, you have Dr Morton's details as an emergency back up. If you're having a wobble or feel overwhelmed, which is completely normal, you can get in contact"

"I know, I know," he said impatiently. They'd been through this three times now, he wasn't an idiot, he felt like they were expecting him to fail at this. He squirmed on the spot as he tried to look over her shoulder and out into the carpark for a glimpse of Amy or the kids.

She gave him a resigned smile and stood to the side "well go on then, they're already here"

He hesitated for a split second, like when a dog gets taken off a lead in the park and it takes them a moment to realise the freedom they've just been granted. His feet sprung to life and headed for the automatic doors.

"One more thing Ste" Louise called from behind.

He rolled his eyes skywards before taking a glance back over his shoulder

"Enjoy this. You've worked hard" she said warmly

He couldn't help but return her grin and nodded excitedly before exiting, he had worked hard. He looked left and right, a little disorientated, he'd never been out the front before. They were given the impression that they were guests at a retreat recuperating from burn out, with an abundance of freedom. in reality though they were patients in a hospital without the ability to leave of their own free will.

"Daddy!"

He heard the cry of his little girl and sank to his knees when he saw her running towards him, Amy jogging close behind with Lucas on her hip. Ste enveloped her in a hug as she reached him and squeezed her tighter than he ever had before, he was surprised she could still breathe let alone talk.

"I missed you" she said softly by his ear and fought hard to stop the tears that threatened to fall.

"I missed you too pumpkin" he whispered back

Amy reached them and smiled at the sight, clearly moved herself, but she pulled herself together quicker than he ever could.

"Come on Leah, let Lucas say hello"

He stood up and Leah wrapped herself around his leg as he he ruffled Lucas' hair

"Alright little man?"

His boy nodded excitedly and made grabby movements towards Ste, so Amy handed him over so Ste could hold him close, resting his chin on Lucas' blonde locks.

"Are we going home?" Lucas asked in his toddler voice that Ste adored.

"Yep, we're going home home" Amy replied, making Ste's heart swell. She still considered it home. "Are you both excited to see your room again?"

"Yeah!" they both shouted in unison, Leah jumping and clapping her hands excitedly.

Once they were packed away in the car and on their way back to Hollyoaks, Ste let out a breath he didnt realise he'd been holding, relief washing over him, he was finally going home, albeit only for a weekend. He'd been half expecting to be told they'd made a mistake and that they didn't think he was well enough to leave, or that Amy didn't think it was a good idea to involve the kids, or that no one wanted to see him, but here he was, en route.

He sank lower in his seat and sighed with content, Amy looked over at him and gave a reassuring smile. Leah had been chatting away about her new friends and what they'd been up to during the summer holidays. She had three new best friends, Alice, Jenny and Katy, and apparently they were the bestest friends anyone could ask for and they loved little mix and ponies and gymnastics and colouring and dolls and butterflies….. He and Amy shared silent knowing smiles with each other as she chatted away without a care in the world.

"...so they're in London now. Did you like London Daddy?"

The silence as she waited for an answer shook Ste from his thoughts

"Eh?"

Amy shot a look over at him and intervened quickly

"Daddy's had a lovely time in London havent you?" she said, her eyes imploring him to remember their little white lie.

Ah yeah, that's where he'd been.

"Oh, yeah yeah, London, Loved it, too big though, much prefer it up here"

"Did you see Big ben?"

"Yep. very big"

"The Queen?"

"Yep, she was lovely"

"The London eye?"

"Yeah, went on that too"

"Paddington?" Lucas added

"The station?"

"The bear!" Leah Lucas and Amy all said at the same time

"Ohhhh haha. No, I didn't get to see him. Think he was on his holidays"

'Did you bring us presents?" Leah enquired optimistically

He looked at Amy guiltily, obviously he hadn't actually been to London, if he had he certainly would have got them gifts, unfortunately Clairmont didn't do souvenirs.

"Oh no!" he feigned shock, "i forgot them in my hotel!"

"Daddddddyyy!" she exclaimed disappointed

"Silly Daddy" Amy added, shrugging her shoulders and giving him a tight smile. "He'll remember them next time"

"For sure! Then you'll have two lots of pressies"

"Yaayyyy!" they both shouted from the back.

He shared a look of relief with Amy, they'd gotten away with that, thankfully.

….

It didn't take long for them to arrive in Hollyoaks and pull up in front of their flat, Amy jumped out straight away and began unbuckling and unloading the kids. Ste remained in his seat, eyes transfixed on the building before him, there was a point where he thought he'd never see this place again. It wasn't much, it was a crummy ex-council flat with mould and leaky taps, but it was the only place he'd been able to call home. He remembered the first day they stepped foot in there, before Lucas was born, when Leah was still a baby, he remembered when Warren had beaten him up in the living room after the business with the fire at Evissa, Leah's first steps, finding out they were expecting Lucas, his first time with Brendan. There were some not so good memories too, it had seen his darkest times, but it would always have a special place in his heart.

The passenger door swung open and Amy peered over Lucas' head at him with concern.

"Ste? You ok?"

He gave her a watery smile "yeah. Sorry i'll grab the bags"

He pulled himself out of his seat and grabbed all the bags, loading himself up like a cargo horse and joining them at the door as Amy unlocked it with her set of keys. Come to think of it, he had no idea where his keys were, or his wallet, or his phone.

"Hey, do you know where my stuff is?" he asked as he held the door open with his shoulder, allowing Leah and Lucas to run into the flat excitedly. "Like, phone, keys, wallet?"

He twirled on the spot and kicked the door shut behind him, dumping all the bags on the floor.

"Amy?"

When she didn't reply again he rounded the pillar of the hallway and to see her surveying the room with awe, he followed her gaze. The flat looked immaculate, there was a vase with a huge bunch of fresh flowers on the dining table in the kitchen, a plant that didn't exist before, in the living room in a gold plant pot. All the washing was done, no mugs or plates were in the sink or on the dryer, they'd all be placed away in the cupboard. There was a box of beautifully decorated cupcakes from the deli on the kitchen counter, surrounded by a bottle of wine and several sharing packets of crisps. The cushions were plumped and arranged tactfully on the sofa, with the throw draped artfully over the armchair.

"What's that smell?" he asked, bemused by the sight he was taking in.

Amy turned and clocked something on the coffee table

"I think it's a reed diffuser"

"A what?" he face screwed up in confusion

She walked over and picked up a small glass jar with sticks coming out of it.

"It basically does the same job as a scented candle without you having to light anything. Pomegranate Noir. wow this is expensive" she said impressed.

"Why did you buy it then?"

"I didn't"

He looked at her perplexed. This place was a complete mess before he got admitted to hospital, he'd let things slide whilst he was spiralling out of control and talking to dead people, funnily enough.

"You didn't do all this?" he gestured around with his finger.

She shook her head "I wanted to get the place ready for you, but when they let you come a day early it kind of threw my plans off and i didn't have time"

He nodded at her slowly, not quite catching on to where this was going.

"I asked Brendan to do it" she replied, seemingly mystified at the thought of Brendan doing all this, and rightly so. Brendan and homemaking did not go together.

"Maybe he got Cheryl to do it" he offered in explanation.

She shook her head "no, Cheryl is away with her new fella"

"Oh"

"Yeah, oh" she agreed.

They both laughed nervously before Leah came running in and hugged the back of his legs,

"You put my favourite princess duvet cover on!" she said with a giant grin on her face.

Ste locked eyes with Amy, and they seemed to be thinking the same thing… surely not.

…..

Brendan crowded him against the foot of the bed until his calves collided with it, the Irishman playfully shoved Ste causing him to fall flat on his back, propping himself on his elbows as he tried to work out what was going through the older man's head.

It dawned on Ste that the whole lost keys routine was a ruse to get him alone and Rae out of the way with the kids, he really was dumb sometimes, scurrying around the flat looking for these supposed keys like a moron.

"Now? On our bed?" he asked, dismayed.

"What can I say? Rae knows how to set a scene. That throws really got me in the mood" Brendan replied in dulcet dublin tones.

Brendan removed his blazer and discarded it without a second thought before crawling up the bed until he was on top of Ste, forearms either side of his shoulders, knees either side of his thighs, mouth mere inches away. He placed featherlight kisses on Ste's closed mouth, asking the silent question until Ste relented and gave him his answer by opening up to him.

Brendan stopped holding up his weight and let it settle on top of Ste, burying him into the mattress. It should have made him feel claustrophobic, trapped, vulnerable, but instead he felt safe and protected, like Brednan had cocooned him so that none else could get to him.

He placed his hands lightly on Brendans waist and lost himself in their passion as their kisses became more desperate and feverous. He should feel bad, the guilt should make him put a stop to this right now, Rae loved him, loved his kids but he couldn't even imagine telling Brendan to stop now, he wouldn't even be able to form the words.

All thoughts of Rae were wiped clean from his mind when Brendan ground his pelvis into Ste's eliciting a whimper that the older man's mouth consumed. Brendan suddenly pulled himself up onto his knees and began unbuckling his belt, barely breaking eye contact with Ste who remained flat on the bed, looking up in awe.

Brendan was always in charge, leading every encounter they had, he'd learnt that the hard way. So now Ste was used to waiting for instruction, looking for silent cue's and directions from the man. Brendan removed his shirt and shimmied his suit trousers and boxers down below his bum, letting his impressive erection spring free. Brendan ran his fingers down Ste's tracksuit top whilst he stroked his dick with his other hand,

"Take it off," he growled.

Ste scrambled to unzip his jacket and pull his arms out followed quickly by his t-shirt whilst Brendan remained sitting on his hips admiring the view. Brendan crawled up Ste's smaller frame until his crotch was almost touching Ste's chin, he stroked Ste's face, running his thumb over his lips before hooking it in his mouth and prizing it open.

Ste's nerves were coursing through him, he desperately tried to keep the tremmer out of his movements. He got like this whenever Brendan tried something new with him, worried his inexperience would shine through and ruin the moment or turn Brendan off him. He knew what Brendan wanted now though, where this was leading, so he opened his mouth wider and let his tongue work its way out placing timid licks on the tip of Brendans dick. The louder Brendans groans got, the more confidence he felt, leading him to longer more purposeful licks interlaced with teasing ones, finally taking Brendan in whole. His throat constricted around the irishman's length as he raised his head up and down rhythmically, his own arousal building as he watched Brendans pleasure filled face.

Suddenly Brendan threw himself forward, hands landing much further up the bed, and began thrusting into Ste's accomodating mouth, his pants and grunts filling the room. On instinct Ste placed his hand on the front of the older man's hips to stop him thrusting too deep or too recklessly down his throat causing him to choke, but he needn't have bothered, Brendan's movements were fine tuned and professional. He felt Brendans climax hit the back of his throat and he swallowed it willingly, basking in the sounds Brendan made above him. The hairs around Brendans groin tickled Ste's nose and chin but he didnt move, didn't push him away, Brendan slowly pulled himself out and made his way back down Ste's body, stopping when they were face to face again. Brendan stared into his eyes intently before pulling him back into a desperate kiss, hands running down his bare torso. He kissed a line up Ste's jaw, settling by his ear, nibbling the lobe before whispering

"Your turn"

Ste keened in a satisfied manner as his dream ebbed away and consciousness crept in. He'd had the best sleep he'd had in months, back in his own bed, his children in the next room. He wriggled around in his bed and rubbed himself on the fresh but familiar sheets, sighing as he tried to cling on to the dream of a memory he'd just been enjoying.

He could hear the pitter patter of little feet outside his room and the hushed but stern voice of Amy. He smiled to himself imagining the scene on the other side of that door right now so he threw his legs out of bed, pulled on his trusty navy dressing gown and walked into the hallway.

Amy was bent over wrestling a cupcake out of Lucas' hand, both of their heads snapping up when Ste appeared in the doorway

"Daddy!"

"Morning!" Amy said overly cheerily, trying to pretend like they weren't in the middle of tantrum

"A cupcake for breakfast?!" he exclaimed

"Yeah!" Lucas shouted excitedly.

"No!" Amy said at the same time "These are for after lunch aren't they Lucas?" she said forcefully.

Lucas' little face fell into a sulk and Ste took it upon himself to change that.

"What about some french toast then?"

Amy stood up straight, finally managing to get Lucas' little claw off it, and smiled broadly.

"Sounds perfect," she said lovingly.

"Mummy! I'm done!" Leah called out from the bathroom

Ste and Amy both looked at each other and Ste quickly held his hands up and said

"I'm making breakfast for everyone"

Amy rolled her eyes and smiled. "Hmm, I smell a cop out! She's pretty much got it now anyway, just likes me to check and tell her 'good job'"

They both began giggling

"Can you do that for me later too then?" Ste joked

She slapped him on the arm and scrunched her face "eww, weirdo" she teased before she made her way to the bathroom as Ste steered Lucas towards the kitchen.

….

He couldn't stop the smile that spread across his face as he settled back into the sofa with his cup of tea. He'd been excited about this weekend, no doubt, but there had also been an element of trepidation. Having Amy, Doug, Tony and his kids all in the same room, the first three knowing where he'd been the last two months but only Amy really knowing why, had brought with it an element of anxiety.

He'd been overthinking the whole thing though, it had been so easy and effortless, Tony had walked straight in juggling hot food containers and barking orders at Doug who'd been sporting an exhausted and begrudging look on his face as he politely smiled at Tony, Ste couldn't help but laugh.

The pair had quickly laid out the spread for them all to tuck into, Tony excitedly talking Ste through the goings on of the deli for the past 2 months, non-maliciously cutting off Doug everytime he tried to interject. Doug filled him in on the village gossip, the kids excitedly told anyone that would listen about their new schools in Manchester, Amy spoke about her course and placement, Tony told him that he was thinking of proposing to Cindy, Ste tried to keep his thoughts on that to himself.

They'd kept conversation light and breezy, with the odd reference to 'When Ste was back properly' or 'whilst he's been in London' but there hadn't been any elephant in the room so to speak, it had felt fairly natural. He was now relaxing on the sofa whilst Amy and Doug did the washing up and Leah conducted a tea party for him, Tony and Lucas.

"Why don't you pour Lucas some of your tea, and me and your dad will have our tea?" Tony reasoned, Whilst Leah pottered around with her princess tea party set.

Tony flopped down next to Ste as he smiled at the sight in front of him, so normal and everyday.

"You ok?"

"Yeah, thanks Tone, for everything. I really mean it, you've done so much"

"Don't mention it, I just want you to get better. Cindy pretty much has the gym management sorted anyway, if i didn't have the Deli to help with i would probably be going stir crazy!" Tony mused.

"Got to say, I didn't see you opening a Gym on the cards. Not very you"

Tony sighed "no, its not"

Ste sensed something wasn't right with his old friend.

"You're happy though right?"

Tony seemed lost in his thoughts before he snapped back

"Yeah, of course. Just being at the deli made me reminisce over il nosh that's all. We had some good times there didn't we?"

"When I was the scally in the kitchen and you were my uptight boss?"

"Oi! I was your experienced and generous mentor you mean!"

They both descended into laughter and Tony brought his arm up around Ste and pulled him into an embrace, Ste's head resting on Tony's shoulder as they watched the kids play on the floor in front of them.

"What are you doing tomorrow?"

"Seeing Cheryl…. And Brendan, then he's going to take me back in the afternoon"

"Seems like Brendan's been doing a lot, visits you often doesn't he?"

Ste nodded "he paid for the place too, don't know if Amy told you that bit?"

"I kind of guessed, those places aren't cheap." Tony admitted

"He's been a help. Even bought that candle" Ste pointed to the elegant scented candle that was burning on the windowsill.

"Eh?" Tony chuckled in confusion

"Dunt matter"

"Well as long as you're being careful, you know, putting yourself and your recovery first"

Ste understood other people's hesitance at the situation, but they didn't know Brendan like he did, they didn't understand him. This wasn't one of Brendan's schemes just to control him, he was sure of it. He nodded his head as it lay on Tony's shoulder.

"Right Leah, when are we getting these cupcakes then? As you're the host" Ste asked his daughter, moving the conversation on.

"Yeah cupcakes!" Lucas shouted, jumping up in the air.

…

It was 4pm by the time Tony and Doug had said their goodbyes and he and Amy had cleared up the mess from Lunch. Ste had just put Lucas down for a nap and Leah was colouring in her book at the dining table, Amy was observing her lovingly from the sofa and he went to join her.

"Todays been great"

Amy hummed in agreement "it wasn't too much for you was it?"

"No, it's been Ace. really. I think Tony might be going Doug's head in though" Ste chuckled

"Oh god i know! Typical Tony, he means well though and i'm not sure how Doug would have got through this without an actual chef"

"Yeah, they've both been such good mates. You're still my bezzie though" he stroked her arm.

She hesitated for a second

"so tomorrow, we're going to have Breakfast here with you, but i said we'd go to my dads for a roast in the afternoon to meet his new girlfriend"

"Mike's got a new girlfriend?!" Ste's head whipped around in shock

"Yeah, don't ask, at least she's his age." she rolled her eyes "I just assumed that as you had plans with Cheryl and Brendan was taking you back anyway, it wouldn't be a problem?"

"Yeah it's completely fine. You'll have to call me and tell me all about it on monday though"

She smiled and linked her fingers with his.

"So….. what's the plan for tomorrow then?" she asked, voice slightly higher than usual. Another one who didn't trust Brendan.

"Dunno. Cheryl wants me to go to theirs for a coffee. I think me and Brendan will go for a drive or something, maybe lunch. Kind of just see you know?" he replied dismissively.

She was silent for a while

"I was thinking…"

Oh god, he wasn't in the mood for a lecture on the dangers of Brendan Brady.

"Why don't they come here for brunch tomorrow? It would be nice to see Cheryl, she's great with the kids too."

He stared at her gormlessly. "You want to have brunch with Brendan?" he asked incredulously.

"No, I think it would be nice to have a family brunch with two friends, just like we did today. You know everything you do with Brendan doesn't have to be completely separate"

Her gaze settled back on their daughter as he continued to gawp at her.

"Look, i dont know whats going on between you two right now-"

"There's nothing going on" he tried to cut her off

"But whatever is happening, or may happen, I just think you shouldnt be hiding anything. everything should be out in the open"

This wasn't about Brendan per se, it was about secrets and lies. It was about hiding things and pretending nothing was happening when it was. It was about involving his family in the most important aspects of his life and not shying away. She'd been sitting on this for a while, he could tell.

"Ok" he croaked "ok, i'll invite them"

"Good" she took a sip of her tea "gives me a chance to thank him in person for these candles" she teased with a sly smile that Ste returned.

"My phone's not been charged, can I borrow yours?"

He walked into the other room to make the call, getting hit by a sudden bout of nerves like a giddy school girl calling her crush, he banished that ridiculous notion from his head almost as quickly as it arrived. They were MATES.

He called Brendan first, it went straight to voicemail, he was probably at the club, reception in the cellar was non-existent. He contemplated leaving a message but decided against it, he called Cheryl instead, she could just tell Brendan the plan. No answer from her either, he tapped Amy's phone to his lips as he mulled over his options.

He scurried back into the living room, handing Amy's phone back to her.

"Neither of them are answering"

"Well it's still early, try again later"

"Yeah. or I could just head over there and ask in person? Might be good to get some fresh air" he said nervously as he wrung his hands together.

"Well I'm not sure there's a need for that, is there? I'm sure they'll call back. He's usually pretty quick" she said with concern etched on her face.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. I just thought it might be good for me to do this"

She stood up "ok, well let me get the kids ready and we'll go for a little walk" she made a move towards the bedrooms when he caught her by the wrist.

"I think this would be good to do on my own. I've not done anything by myself in a long time." he replied nervously.

She took in his words and gave him a resigned smile, she clearly wasn't enamoured with the idea but she didn't want to stop him.

"Ok, well take my phone and if anything happens call the house phone and i can be there in 5 minutes" she placed her hands on his shoulders with a soft grip.

…

He'd made this exact journey thousands of times before, his flat to the village, the village back to his flat, it took 10 minutes each way max . He concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other, keeping his head down to avoid seeing anyone he knew. He just had to find Brendan or Cheryl and invite them to brunch, easy peasy, no sweat. He'd had a great day and no way was a poxy walk into the village going to derail that. It was the last week in August and a warm sunny day, it wouldn't be dark for hours and more importantly, Simon Walker no longer lived here, he was gone, there was nothing to be scared of anymore.

He walked through the alleyway and stopped at the end looking up at Brendans and Cheryl's flat but he turned and headed for Chez chez. It was almost 5pm on a saturday, the club would be opening in an hour, that's definitely where Brendan would be. The main door was still locked so he headed up the side stairs to the balcony door. There was low music playing through the club, not the dj and certainly not Brendans choice of soundtrack, must have been one of the staff but he couldn't see anyone around. He peered over the railings

"Hello?!... Brendan?!" he called out, craning his neck to see if anyone was downstairs

Nothing.

"Anyone here?" He made a move for the office door when that lad Kevin appeared in the doorway, coffee in hand.

"Oh!" he shouted in surprise, hands clutching his chest

"You alright?" Kevin asked with a bemused smirk

"Ha, yeah sorry you scared me. I shouted, i thought there was no one here"

"You thought the club was just left unlocked with music playing in the middle of the day?" Kevin asked, looking at Ste like he was an idiot.

"Erm yeah, stupid. Is Brendan here?"

Kevin leant against the doorframe and blew on his steaming coffee "nope"

"Oh, is he at home? It's just i called a little while ago and it went to voicemail" he asked, feeling distinctly uncomfortable.

"Mmmm he forgot his charger so it died earlier, he must have forgotten to put it on charge when he got back" Kevin replied with a satisfied smile

"Oh right, sooooo he is at home?"

"Mmm yeah, he was pretty knackered after yesterday"

Yesterday?

"Oh yeah, the brewery thing in Liverpool. Forgot about that, bit of a sore head eh?"

Ste could sense an attitude coming from Kevin but he didn't understand why, so he decided to try and have a joke with him to clear the strange tension.

"Yeah something like that. I thought you'd moved away?

"Erm, no. Just went to stay with my kids for a while, help them get settled in Manchester" he answered nervously. Lying never came easily to him and he hadn't expected to be questioned by one of Brendans employees.

"Riiiiight," Kevin replied sceptically.

"Anyway, i'll get out of your hair and head over to Brendan's"

He turned on his heels and went to leave before Kevin called out from behind him

"I wouldn't do that if i were you"

Ste spun back around "eh?"

"Like I said, it was a pretty big night for us last night. Didn't get to sleep until about 4am. I'm alright but old fella needs to catch up on his beauty sleep before tonight, i wouldn't want to be the one to wake him up"

Brendan did hate being woken up and he refused to admit he was too old for all nighters anymore, his 33 year old body couldn't hack it like it used to.

"Oh, you went as well?"

"Uh-huh" Kevin nodded slowly. "Brendan wanted me to go with him, make a night of it you know. The event was held in his favourite hotel so it was perfect"

"The Titanic hotel?" Ste whispered

"Yeah that's the one. Lovely in there, the shower was huuuuge"

Ste felt light headed all of a sudden, Brendan and Kevin had gone to his favourite hotel together. Brendan had taken Kevin on a business trip with him. Just like he used to do with Ste, he'd replaced him. Brendan and Kevin were together.

He nervously licked his lips and looked everywhere but at kevin.

"I erm, i've got to go now. Need to be somewhere" his voice felt strangled in his throat.

"Oh Ste" Kevin stepped forward, forcing Ste to look at him. "Look, I don't want to seem out of line here, it's just, sometimes you need someone else to point something out, to be that third party that's seeing things clearly, know what I mean?"

"No" he croaked with a soft shake of his head.

Kevin sighed and walked the few steps to the bar to place his coffee down, Ste followed him with his eyes.

"Brendan's a great guy, he tries to help people, no matter what those around here say about him. We both know that dont we?"

Ste nodded weakly

"I know what happened Ste, to you. The rape, Brendan told me"

Ste felt like he'd had the oxygen ripped right out of his lungs, sucker punched, blindsided. He looked around as he felt the panic rising inside of him. Brendan was in some sort of relationship with Kevin and he told him what happened to Ste. the secret he'd kept hidden for 6 months, that had tormented him almost to suicide, that had taken every bit of strength to vocalise to him, and he'd shared it with a stranger. Random scenarios flashed through his mind, did he tell him when they were in bed together, pillow talk? Did they laugh about it together? Did he ask Kevin for advice? Did Brendan tell him about their visits and what they talked about? He could feel bile rising in his throat, he needed to get out of here.

"I get you've had a difficult time and everything, but is it fair for you to be using Brendan so much? I hate to say it, but Brendan… well he just feels sorry for you and he can't bring himself to tell you this whole leaning on him for support thing is becoming a nuisance, he's trying to live his life"

Ste stood glued to the spot, mouth agape, pulse pounding so hard he could hear it in his ears the room felt like it was starting to spin.

Brendan felt sorry for him.

He was a nuisance.

He started to stagger towards the door, still unable to form words or any form of reply.

"I don't mean to be blunt Ste, I just dont think there anymore Brendan can do for you. there's just no point in crying over spilt milk…. or damaged goods."

Ste broke into a sprint and collided with the balcony railings, grabbing onto them as he fumbled down the stairs, back through the alleyway and home as quickly as he could manage.

He crashed through his front door slamming it shut behind him and collapsing on the floor in a heap, he struggled to catch his breath. Amy jumped up from the sofa with horror on her face and took one look at him before scooping Leah up in her arms and disappearing into the kids room. She reappeared a few minutes later and knelt in front of him, panicked by his state.

"Ste, what's happened?" she asked with her face scrunched up in worry and concern

He pulled his knees up close to his chest, body trembling, he couldn't find the words.

"He's with someone else" he cried

She looked confused and gently stroked his hair "who? Brendan?"

He nodded and tried to sniff back his tears before spiralling into a full breakdown.

"He doesn't want me. I'm so stupid. Obviously he doesn't want me, how could he?! I'm damaged goods. He said I'm damaged goods." he cried between giant sobs.

"What?! Brendan said that?! No, he wouldn't" she exclaimed

He dragged the back of his hand over his nose, smearing snot and tears everywhere

"He told Kevin, he said he felt sorry for me, that's why he's been helping."

"Oh Ste" she wrapped her arms around and pulled him tightly into her as he sobbed uncontrollably, gasping for breath.

After they'd been curled up on the floor in silence for 15 minutes or so, they heard Leah calling for them asking about dinner. He pulled himself out of Amy's hold and aggressively wiped his tears away.

"Tomorrow, can you drop me back to Clairemont before you go to your dads? I don't need to be here after you've gone"

She nodded silently. He pulled himself up from the floor and held out his hand for her to take.

"Don't worry about cooking, I'll order a takeaway for us all." she said whilst rubbing his back comfortingly

He sniffed. "K"

He walked towards the bathroom, he needed a shower and to be alone.

"Ste?" Amy called out cautiously behind him

He looked over his shoulder at her with sad eyes.

"You're not feeling like you want to…. Like you want to do anything to yourself, are you?"

He cast his back down to the floor and made his way to the bathroom, locking the door behind him.

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