"That was… astonishingly… competent"
"Right back atcha! I'm relieved your holes aren't as uptight as your personality."
Vaarsuvius glowered, sour faced, but couldn't coax the foul mood to stay, and broke into a chuckle, which Belkar shared.
"My intention is not to ruin the afterglow. However, I would be remiss not to mention,"
Belkar groaned. "Here we go."
"Belkar, I know you relieve your sexual urges at brothels. I have never seen evidence of your engagement in a more established romantic interest…"
"Romantic?" Belkar scoffed. "I'll only be alive another thirty something hours, and you want to lock me in a lame… traditional… ceremonial… I don't even know what to call it!"
"Relationship," Vaarsuvius said sadly. "I didn't get the chance to tell you before, but… I have never had sexual congress without being in love first."
"Until now," Belkar corrected, causing V's expression to grow stormy.
"This was a mistake—" Vaarsuvius rued.
"Wait, hold on, I didn't mean—"
"—and the blame rests squarely on my own shoulders, I'm afraid. I ventured forth instead of heeding the warning signs. Now I've become just another whore."
"So you know, whores are way less existential. And chatty. And I pay them, whereas you gave it up for free. Technically, you would be 'just another slu—"
Vaarsuvius flushed and their face twisted in anger.
"Disintegra—"
"—UUT you mean so much more to me than that!" Belkar hastily blurted as he eyed the remnants of the wizard's fizzled, stillborn spell.
"I've never been in a committed, you know, whatever," he continued.
"Relationship," V dutifully provided.
"Right, that. But I love—"
Although that was a popular line with the whores and sluts with whom Belkar usually cavorted, it didn't feel right to say now.
"—I care about you," Belkar realized, surprising himself. "I genuinely… huh. I think I care whether you live or die. I think I want you to live!"
"Be still, my heart," Vaarsuvius deadpanned.
"Hey, this is a lot for me! I can't make any promises. All I have to offer 'us' is a handful of sand in the hourglass."
Vaarsuvius stared intently into Belkar's eyes.
"It's acceptable."
"Great. Now, do a dying guy another favor. When I finally croak, scream my name just like you did when you thought Xykon had taken me out at the Final Dungeon battle. That was hot."
Vaarsuvius magnanimously ceded the territory Belkar claimed on their body using his hands and mouth.
"I'll try my best."
"Let me help you practice," Belkar breathed suggestively.