Alfred
Change of plants
whatever youre making for dinner times by 5
*plans fuck

Matthew felt his shoulders slump as he picked himself off the cold grass and slowly stretched. He didn't know how to feel about this request.

On one hand, he did not want obligation. He could do the whole song and dance of acting like he was expected to, it wasn't that hard. He didn't like to do it anymore and hated himself for ever having done it. But that wasn't the problem. Matthew knew who the company was. It wasn't that hard to figure out.

It was only 5 in the evening, so the curfew couldn't save him from the impending situation.

On the other hand... Why was he thinking so negatively? Isn't this exactly what he wanted? This development meant he could see firsthand how Gilbert was dealing with the fallout. But that meant having to deal with Gilbert at the same time. That by itself wasn't preferable, never mind the fact that Gilbert would be in an altered state of mind and no doubt more extreme than he usually was. Matthew knew from experience that no one would stop Gilbert from taking out his emotions on other people.

Now Matthew had to be vigilant in his own home... but he was an expert at being vigilant. He weighed it up. It would be worth it.

He needed to see how Gilbert was coping with all of this. And thanks to Alfred, the show was being brought right to him.

Maybe he could fish out more details under the guise of confused worry.

Matthew
Why? What happened?

Alfred
can't stay at Gils

Matthew
Why not?

Alfred
its kinda a mess and Gil's upset being there
and feli
cant text driving bye

Oh, Feliciano too? He supposed that meant Antonio was with them as well. He couldn't wait to see the buffet of reactions that was being brought home for him to feast on.

Matthew made his way back home as he thought about an easy recipe for the surprise guests. At least he had time to prepare and build up the anticipation. He had no idea what was going to walk through that door and picturing it only made him more eager.

Matthew was almost done with dinner when Alfred came home, seeming unphased by the state of his party's arrival. It didn't leave Matthew with any questions that couldn't be answered by just thinking about the current situation, but it was still... odd.

Alfred himself looked hesitantly pained, which was the best look out of everyone there. Clearly, he was just trying to be strong and comfort his clingy friend - Feliciano, who clinging to his front like a koala bear as he grabbed onto Alfred's jacket tightly and buried his face into it as he cried. No matter how far Feliciano shoved his face into that tear-stained and soaked jacket, his heaving sobs couldn't be smothered.

Antonio was definitely competing with Alfred for being the best put-together of the group, but Matthew could tell that he was agitated too. His cheeks were glossy, his eyes were dull and he was twitching. But he had the luxury of distracting himself with the impossible task that was calming Gilbert. Or at the very least keeping him close. Antonio had Gilbert's hand in his and despite how tight Antonio was holding on, his albino friend didn't seem to be feeling any better.

Gilbert looked like shit. Even without actually being able to see Feliciano's face, Matthew could just tell that Gilbert looked the worst. It was the blood that gave it away. Besides his skin being bright red from blush, there was blood running down from Gilbert's head... and his nose, his ear, his mouth, his hand... a few places actually and Matthew wouldn't be surprised if there were places he couldn't see. At least it looked like his own blood and not someone else's.

It wasn't just blood that made Gilbert look like shit. There were bruises on his face, hands and knuckles. Like Gilbert had punched something until his fingers turned purple and smacked into a door frame headfirst. Gilbert's eyes were bloodshot to the point of medical concern and he kept them fixed on the floor as his face twisted into something permanently ugly.

In short, Gilbert had Matthew's full morbid attention and Matthew couldn't be happier that he was here.

"Is that dinner?" Alfred said and snatched Matthew's attention.

"Yeah, it's almost ready," Matthew replied and turned to deal with it, all while keeping Gilbert in his peripheral vision.

Then there was silence as everyone stood there awkwardly for a moment. Not knowing what to say or do next.

It was Alfred who couldn't take the perceived awkwardness and decided to keep everything moving.

"You guys can spoon in my bed," Alfred turned to Antonio and Gilbert. "Just dump your stuff in there and if you wanna shower you can. In fact please do shower. It might make you feel better."

Gilbert just nodded as he rubbed at his throat with a stiff hand and a faraway look.

"What about you?" Antonio asked, his face turning to concern as he looked at Alfred and Feliciano.

"Me and Feli can spoon on the couch," Alfred said lightly like he was trying to be amusing and not stupid.

"Are you going to fit?" Antonio asked.

"Determination? I don't know, I could lay on Feli like a blanket? Maybe the pressure would help?"

"I hope so," Antonio looked at the couch with a conflicted expression before deciding that they'd fit and letting it go. He let go of Gilbert's hand and pushed him forward. "How about you shower and I'll get everything from the car?"

Gilbert looked like he wanted to say something, his face was still painfully twisted but instead just nodded before shutting himself in the bathroom.

"I'll help you grab-" Alfred went to say as he jostled Feliciano in his tight hold.

"No, don't worry about it," Antonio was quick to shut it down. "Just look after Feli, alright?"

"Yeah, will do," Alfred sighed before calling to Gilbert- "Help yourself to whatever but please don't Hulk out in there."

There wasn't a reply.

"Man, I really need a more up-to-date reference, is Marvel even relevant anymore?" Alfred muttered as he lugged Feliciano over to the couch. He pulled his friend down to sit and tried to help get his breathing under control.

Matthew turned his attention back to dinner. It was almost done so he grabbed out the necessary bowls and cutlery. The house was silent save for whatever whimpering noises Feliciano was making and Alfred's quiet reassurances. Antonio came back in and dropped off a few bags by the couch before adding his own reassuring coos as he brought Feliciano into a hug.

When Matthew announced that dinner was ready, Gilbert was still in the shower. But Alfred surprised him by banging on the door and demanding that Gilbert come out to eat. Matthew tried to say that wasn't really necessary because he could reheat Gilbert's portion but Alfred didn't stop banging until he heard the water turn off. At least Gilbert took his sweet time getting ready so Matthew could eat dinner in peace without him there, without worrying if he was going to snap. Seeing him earlier gave Matthew the impression that he was wound up like a rubber band and any moment now he would explode. It left him feeling shamefully apprehensive because he shouldn't be feeling conflicted like this. He should be 100% happy but he couldn't ignore this feeling inside him that said to be scared.

Alfred and Antonio were making small talk to each other as they ate, likely trying to act as normal as possible but Feliciano just sniffled miserably with dull eyes as he picked at his food. Gilbert didn't come out until everyone else had finished eating.

"How's the voice?" Alfred asked as he passed Gilbert a plate.

Gilbert went to answer but it just seemed like he was mouthing words with great frustration. Not that it was all silence, some broken croaks were coming from his throat that just sounded painful, but immediately tipped Matthew off that somehow Gilbert had lost his voice. The implications of that were interesting. But it didn't make Matthew any less wary of the albino as the other sat at the table to eat. Gilbert still had his fists...

Antonio cringed at the state of his friend's voice and Feliciano hiccuped as more tears formed.

"Sheesh, maybe you shouldn't've screamed so much," Alfred grimaced and Gilbert nodded lamely as he agreed. "Maybe you should stay here until your neighbours get their hearing back."

"I'm sure your neighbours understand, amigo," Antonio added.

"Anyone else wanna shower?" Alfred asked as he looked between Antonio and Feliciano, almost pleadingly like he wanted them to shower.

"Come on amigo, it might make you feel better," Antonio said softly as he pulled Feliciano.

"No it won't! I know it won't!" Feliciano's warbling voice insisted but still let himself be pulled.

"It'll help me feel better knowing you're being looked after."

Antonio managed to convince Feliciano to go in by going in with him, which had Alfred let out a breath of relief once the door was shut and turned his focus back onto a brooding Gilbert.

"Well, at least it seems like you aren't hurt hurt, well, you are hurt but not hospital level thankfully cus the only first aid I know is bandaids which I guess I'll still get you anyways. But maybe we can do something for the whole voice thing? Mattie-"

Matthew was surprised that they were acknowledging he was there. Right now he was just a specter spectator, just doing the dishes fully expecting to be ignored... but he shouldn't be surprised that he was remembered when someone needed something from him.

"-can you make something that might help his voice? Like some maple smoothie or something that soothes? A soothing smoothie? A soothie, if you will?" Alfred chuckled. "I don't know, just something that could help Gil get his voice back?"

"Yeah, I can," Matthew had to agree and pulled his hands from the warm water. Maybe he could've said no if he added that he didn't know how to help but he could imagine Alfred pressing anyway.

"Okay, cool! I'm gonna go searching for band-aids then," Alfred announced as he left. Matthew froze as he wiped his hands on a towel and his eyes landed on the albino, whose back was to him as he slowly picked at his food.

Fuck, Alfred couldn't go. Because then Matthew would be left with Gilbert. Alone. But he couldn't vocalise that. He couldn't vocalise anything. There was no calling out for his brother and no explaining. Never any being understood. Matthew twisted his hand tightly into the towel.

Coward. He wanted to see how Gilbert was suffering and he got exactly what he wanted. Only it made him realise just how fucked up Matthew was. Matthew hated not feeling in control of himself and he knew what he was feeling. He was on edge. He didn't feel safe near Gilbert at all and Matthew swelled with feelings of hatred, directed at himself.

Because after everything Matthew was ashamed that someone had power over him still and didn't even fucking know it! Matthew couldn't breathe and all he could think was that he was fucking weak.

Matthew had to do something. He had to prove that he wasn't weak, that he could override his programming and do something and take power back. Something that would prove that Gilbert was the one who wasn't safe with Matthew and Matthew could get over the shaking in his hands and lump in his throat.

Matthew had to do something or that meant he allowed shit to happen, allowed himself to be pushed around and mistreated-

An idea came to him and Matthew quickly grabbed what he needed. Every instinct was primed to be aware of catching attention as he set about what he decided to do but Alfred wasn't here to notice and Gilbert was too moody to take any joy in making Matthew uncomfortable for entertainment. No one was watching, as usual. No one would know.

With all the ingredients put into a shaker, Matthew made sure to add a generous dosage of maple syrup to hide any suspicious taste. He told himself it was necessary to waste the maple syrup like this as he connected the shaker to a blender.

"Here, this should make your throat feel better," Matthew said as he held the drink out for Gilbert to take, instead of sliding it across the counter or anything cowardly that wasn't just simply passing it into Gilbert's hand. Matthew didn't react when Gilbert took it from him without being gentle and brushed his fingers. Matthew made sure to retract his arm slowly because Gilbert did not have any power over him to make him act like a scared animal. Matthew wasn't the loser that they all thought he was.

Gilbert didn't offer any thanks, verbal or otherwise and began to drink.

Matthew just leaned back and watched on with keen eyes as he wondered if Gilbert even remembered what he did to Matthew. Did he forget? Or did he know yet simply saw it as acceptable and was completely oblivious to the pain he had caused. Matthew didn't know which idea he hated more. But either way it clearly never ate Gilbert up because even after all this time he never hinted that he felt even an inkling of remorse for it.

And why should he? It was Matthew's problem, right? Gilbert caused it but it was out of his hands now, right?

There was no way Matthew could poke or prod about how Gilbert felt about his bullying now, not with the looming situation haunting every interaction that would happen in the immediate future. But maybe Matthew would have another opportunity. After all, confronting meant showing strength, right?

Matthew couldn't help but smile as Gilbert drank it all. He was able to get that smile under control when Gilbert held out the empty shaker for Matthew to take, which Matthew did without touching him.

Matthew dunked the cup in the sink as he bit his lip. As much as he was intrigued by anticipation, he wasn't oblivious by the way his hands still trembled. At least this time it was partly from excitement.

This was the first time in a long time that Matthew was in the same room as Gilbert and all the memories of the past were demanding he pay attention and watch out. Because Gilbert was a bully and to Matthew's frustration he was never treated like the bully he was. Maybe that was why Matthew was feeling so paranoid. That any minute now he'd be under attack yet again. The memories plagued him.

In the past, Gilbert had a pinching problem. Alfred would insist it was called 'slapstick humour' and Matthew would feel like shit for having a problem with it. Because he did. Gilbert couldn't keep his hands to himself to save his life and for his and his friend's amusement, he'd annoy - rather harass, unwitting victims. Most of his harassment was just verbal and social which Matthew definitely found stressful, but Gilbert had no hesitation going further. He'd go as far as to pinch his victims and if the person showed any reaction, any reaction at all there would be laughter. But if there was no reaction then Gilbert would just steam through and continue until there was. Asking for him to stop or wanting any respect was just met with mockery and claims of sensitivity.

So like a dog, Matthew was fucking trained. Avoid Gilbert at all costs. And if he couldn't, then throw his dignity away and give in, humiliate himself by giving Gilbert exactly what he wanted - a reaction, then hope he'd be left alone.

Matthew hated that he had just bent to others' wills. He would be taking back his power, no matter what.

Matthew positioned himself on the opposite side of the counter when Alfred came back, a pack of colourful neon band-aids in hand and some ointment.

"Look what I found! How does all the colours sound? Well, I know you can't answer so that's what you're getting. Also, I got this ointment, dunno what the fuck it does but it might help with the bruising?"

Alfred peeled off the band-aids and carefully stuck them on every visible cut. Once he was done, he rolled up Gilbert's sleeves... Matthew had to wonder if he fell on glass or something because his arms looked terrible and scratched all over. Clearly, it was something Alfred knew about because he was unbothered as he stuck on band-aids.

Gilbert was still steadily eating as he cooperated with Alfred putting on the band-aids... until Gilbert went stiff and slowly put down his fork.

"What? What's wrong?" Alfred asked before sighing. "Fuck, right, you can't answer. Just type it out-"

Gilbert jumped up and bolted for the toilet. Then he was violently puking his guts out, full-on body heaving and fighting for breath as bruised fingers clung to the porcelain bowl. Alfred was right behind him and rubbing his friend's back through it all, and like a shadow Matthew lingered in the doorway with eyes fixed on the display.

He had been waiting for the drink to settle in Gilbert's stomach. He had to bite back a feral grin.

Gilbert reaped what he fucking sewed. If Gilbert wasn't an asshole Matthew would've had no reason to do what he had to do. And he had to do it because now his hands were steady and Matthew felt like he was free. He had his power back.

If he can fight against Gilbert now, he could do it when it counted should Gilbert treat him like shit again.

Once Gilbert stopped regurgitating he was by no means out of energy. Despite still being tethered to the toilet, Gilbert's attitude suddenly exploded as the events of the day took hold of him again.

Despite it all, Matthew still felt safe and didn't flinch at the yelling. If anything he was finding it hard to keep his face in line and stifle his grin.

The beginning of the rant was lost on him, but Matthew picked up that Gilbert wanted to pull his hair out and smash the toilet with his head through his angry tone and excessive swearing. It seemed the soothing smoothie had worked a little because, with as much force as Gilbert was forcing on his voice, he was actually speaking. Cracked and hoarse, but speaking.

Then he started making sense.

"Fucking hell I'm so angry I want to destroy everything! I can't-"

Alfred tried to grab him but Gilbert jerked away.

"NO! I don't care if I get hurt! Because it already hurts! I can't stop it!" Gilbert was violently possessed by his regret as he began punching the side of the toilet. "Fuck! Why?! I can't stop thinking about it! I told you- Lud- He called me last night and, and now I hurt my bro and I wish Ludwig never had to find out! Why'd he have to find out?!"

Gilbert was pulling at his hair with one tense hand and clinging to the toilet with the other.

"He's dead and I can't stop thinking about fucking this! What's wrong with me I'm the worst brother! I wish I never went out! I wish I never went out! I didn't- FUCK!"

Gilbert was rocking back and forth as if he were trying to stop himself from being destructive but finding it really hard to resist.

"I didn't want him to know because I knew it would stress him out but I had to do it and now I can't explain to Lud that I had to do it because I didn't know what else or whatever- how else to do I just did it because I needed to feel okay and- and Lud was so mad he hated me but I didn't mean to and he thought I was stupid and Opa-"

"Hey! No! It's okay, just breathe!" Alfred was fighting to be heard and prevent Gilbert's fists from flying everywhere. "Fucking hell- He never hated you, okay? He was just scared cus he knew it was dangerous and you can't blame yourself or think that he hated you because we were all just trying to do what we could to feel alright! So it's not like we were really thinking about it, we were just trying to help so don't feel bad about it! You were just doing what you have to and I just know that if you got a chance to explain, Lud would've understood!"

"No!" Gilbert's fists were flying at Alfred now and Alfred just let his friend beat his arm. "No, NO! He said it was stupid and I know I knew at the time it was stupid! He thinks-"

"NO, he would've said the way we were doing it was stupid which we already knew, remember? But he would've understood WHY. Ludwig was always understanding, remember?"

Gilbert made a pathetic sound that was like a hiccuping sob.

"It's not your fault!" Alfred continued. "Everyone was upset when our friends died so we were just trying to feel better and get justice-"

"But now Lud's- my baby brother- he was my baby brother!" Gilbert started throwing up again, this time it had nothing to do with what Matthew gave him.

With Gilbert's back turned Alfred let his face slip into something painfully twisted as he bit his lip. Then he continued with his useless reassurances as he pat his friend's back. When Gilbert shakily wiped at his mouth he went to say something, but his voice was lost again.

"Don't push it, dude. Let's just take one day at a time."

Then Gilbert started thrashing and screaming, despite his broken voice barely reaching a loud enough volume to hear.

"AND IT WASN'T EVEN FUCKING WORTH IT! I couldn't- HE NEEDS TO DIE I NEED TO KILL THAT ASSHOLE! FUCK! I NEED TO- I'LL CUT HIM UP AND KILL HIM JUST LIKE HE DID TO MY BABY BROTHER- I'LL KILL HIM! HE NEEDS TO PAY AND I NEED TO- FUCK!"

"Dude, you're gonna hurt yourself again!" Alfred gave him a hug from behind that also contained Gilbert's violent outburst of thrashing limbs. "And don't scream or you'll fuck up your voice more."

Gilbert ignored him and kept screaming. Not anything in particular, just screaming. Alfred tried to pat his friend on the back and validate his friend's feelings as Gilbert slowly lost steam and slumped into Alfred.

Gilbert just hung his head as he balled his hands and sobbed. Apparently, the guilt was unbearable.

"Don't you fucking worry," Alfred said with determination, "if the cops don't find this guy we will and I'll let you rough him up a bit before he rots in prison forever."

Authors note:

hecc44 on Ao3 made an animatic for this fic!

/G2qaKXuGR2c?si=B2xa-n8_IEYN2qB_