TW: minor injuries, old scars, bleeding etc.
Bucky had never hated his improved vision and hearing as much as he now did watching the perilous descent of rescuer and patient from the unyielding rock face.
Every trickling stream of shale roared in his ears, trembling limbs and heaving shoulders invisible to all but him mocked him with his own helplessness. Footholds Stone had previously used for the space of a single heartbeat, she now lingered on for lengthening stretches, twisting her left arm and shaking it as though it had gone numb and then going on to the next without hesitation. The pounding in Bucky's chest kept time, 5 beats, 7, now 12, and 8, 14, 12, 17.
Sam had left him to join the ground crew earlier, wings extended, read; he too waited, watched, breathed with the woman on whom this entire operation hung. There wasn't anything to be done for her or her patient. Nothing Bucky could do, no sacrifice he could make. His hands clenched invisible rocks in time with Stone's finger-tip grips, he breathed with the rise and fall of her shoulders, and he knew nothing of it.
There is no shame in not being the solution. Not for everything and not for everyone.
Doctor Rob had said that only a few days ago when Bucky had expressed anger at Steve choosing to talk to Sam about his last session instead of Bucky himself. He could hardly argue the point when Tony had called him out to the lab the previous evening with the excuse of having ordered an indecent quantity of pizza; an ill-disguised plea for help to fight off the demons that haunted his nightmares of late.
Not everything to everyone, no. Still... Something, to some people, some of the time. Bucky swallowed away the rusty taste of shame and watched the climb with a burgeoning sense of pride in her as he shrugged off his own internal voices. Stone was fighting the mountain to save just one lost soul, and though her shoulders grew stiff and her arms trembled, she fought on.
Their indistinct voices were tired, but not hopeless. Her head bobbed and Bucky thought she'd asked a question, the guy on her back clenched his fists against the straps. Faintly now he heard her voice: "… really well Marcus, almost there."
"Sarah?" The man sounded close to tears. Bucky held his breath.
"Yeah?"
"Thank you."
"Yeah."
Finally, they dropped below the grey line of rock and the load was shifted to two men on the ground, feeding the rope out to lower the harnessed pair more quickly, though it was still painfully slow as Stone stepped backwards off the mountain. She twisted abruptly, fighting to keep from spinning with the load on her back and Bucky could see her face for the first time.
The stark neutrality of her expression jarred him.
They stopped just a few feet off the ground so the team could get a board under the man's legs, he was lowered down onto it and the harness clips that attached him to his rescuer's back were released and Stone dropped down and out of view. The moment the patient was on the board, the medical team swarmed. Removing the jacket, prepping an iv and checking his blood pressure and oxygen saturation. That done, they carried him away to the waiting chopper, leaving only two figures behind in the dust: a man coiling up the long rope and just behind him, on her knees and kneeling on the inflatable jump cushion, Stone.
Bucky approached them without thinking, drawn forward by the slumped curve of her shoulders and the way they shuddered with each laboured breath.
"You need a hand with that harness Martin?" The man was asking as he wound the long rope on his arm, inspecting it for flaws as he went.
Several long moments passed before she answered. "No, I'm good, just catching my breath."
"Hell of a rescue, don't think we could have got him down in one piece without you."
"Team effort, Jones." Stone answered quietly.
"Sure am glad you're on the team," Jones said firmly. He dropped the perfectly tied rope into a duffel and hefted it over one shoulder. "Some of the guys are headed to Billy's for a cold one after we wrap up, you comin' Stone?"
"Thanks-" Stone lifted her head and seeing Bucky for the first time instantly became more rigid. The movement caused her companion to look up at the newcomer as well.
"You know this guy?" Jones asked Stone suspiciously, his eyes on Bucky.
She merely regarded Bucky silently, analysing. Bucky imagined curiosity and uncertainty in her eyes, then wondered what that would look like on her face.
Bucky took a step forward and said assertively, "I'm a friend."
"Jones, Rudy Jones." The man shook his hand and grinned. "Stone-Cold Martin here just lived up to her name and pulled off the best freeclimb rescue I've ever seen, maybe you can convince her to take a celebratory drink with us, you'd both be welcome, drinks on me."
"We can't." Stone said quickly, "Sam's flying me back as soon as I'm done here. But thank you Rudy, I appreciate the invite, raise a cold one for me."
"Next time then," Jones said with a grin and swaggering away with the duffel over his shoulder.
"If… If you wanted to stay, I could give you a ride back later, on the bike." Bucky offered cautiously.
"I'd need a helmet."
"There's a spare on the Chopper."
"No, that's…" She looked uncomfortable and Bucky took a half step back, not wanting her to run.
"Or I could ride back with Sam, lend you the bike."
"No," Stone said sharply shaking her head and groaning. She tugged at the clasps of her harness for a third time, and grunted under her breath, "stupid things, why… this agh. Come on!" She wasn't speaking for his benefit but he couldn't ignore the rising frustration in her tone. There was no way she'd manage his bike when her hands were curled tight in on themselves like this, struggling to apply sufficient pressure to disconnect the heavy clips on her harness.
"Can I help?" Bucky asked, stepping closer aware that a few stragglers remained, waiting to remove the inflatable once she'd climbed off it. "Or we could go back to the trailhead, there's a tent, Sam, or one of the ladies could help."
"I'll manage, just need a minute," she said stubbornly, rising on trembling legs, "must look ridiculous. Climb all that way just to collapse at the bottom."
"No." Bucky interrupted her and offering her a hand. She took it and let him help her ease herself to the ground, not shying away from the contact. He stepped in close to her, blocking the view of any onlookers and quickly pressed the release on her harness himself, she was only a few inches shorter than him, but her shoulders slumped and her knees stayed bent, exaggerating the difference between them as she shrugged herself out of the contraption. He stopped her from turning away with a hand under her elbow. "Don't say that. That guy would still be up there if it wasn't for you. How much longer would he have lasted? How many other guys would have tried to climb it and fallen, or ended up buried with him?"
Stone looked at him, her expression still flat but now he thought it was exhaustion that sapped the life from her face. The eyes, greener than their usual grey, speaking for her. Uncertainty, maybe disbelief.
"No sane person would think you were weak for being tired after what I watched you do. *No One.*" He repeated it, urging her to believe him and pressing his point with a squeeze. He watched her eyes, waited, wanted to see the truth reflected back but she just shrugged and looked down at her hands, cradled against her belly. "I could carry you," he offered, looking abashed as she reared back in anger and stepped away from him quickly. "Sorry, I… I'm just here to help."
"I'd, I'd rather walk, I just... Want to walk." Her trembling words were at odds with her hard expression but again the eyes, pleading for him to understand.
He nodded, turning to the trail and offering her his arm. Stone accepted it, but it became clear after just a few steps that it wasn't enough to support her. Cramped fingers couldn't grasp his sleeve and he wondered if her feet hurt as badly or worse for the way she was stepping on the sides of her shoes.
Taking her arm and pulling it up around his shoulders so he could wrap an arm around her waist, he did his best to take more of her weight as they moved together down the mountain. They walked slowly and in silence, pausing when in view of others and leaning into each other as though it was the casual embrace of lovers instead of what it really was: two strangers, one trying to be a friend and the other simply trying to save face.
Bucky got her situated in the chopper and went about loading the bike in the cargo bay, grateful that Sam had chosen a bird large enough for it, while Sam gave their farewells to the volunteers and whoever remained of the search and rescue crew and began pre-flight checks.
"Ready for liftoff?" Sam said from the front seat, turning back to see Bucky tightening the last strap for the bike and Stone buckled in with her hands still held awkwardly to her chest. "You'll let us know if you need something, Stone?"
She grunted and bobbed her head in an approximation of agreement.
"Bucky can help you buckle up." Sam said with a grin at Bucky's subtle head shake no.
Bucky shot Sam a glare but he was already facing forward and engaging the rotors.
"Sit." Stone said firmly, but her voice was grainy and soft. Worn down.
He obeyed and sat before he realized her belts weren't done up. He knelt in front of her and Stone watched him silently as he worked the straps of the five-point harness over her shoulders and secured the latches. So close to her he could hear the rough tearing of air through her trachea. Another strangely intimate situation, Bucky was nevertheless much more comfortable on the giving end of the deal and refused to think of it until he was settling back in his seat and she was still looking at him in that odd way.
"All set?" Sam said into his helmet, his voice echoing in the tinny speakers in the rear cabin. Bucky gave him a thumbs up and Sam winked before returning to his console.
Bucky looked at Stone as the weightless feeling of liftoff twisted in his gut. Head hanging loose, her eyes half closed, more relaxed than he'd seen her except for the tense set of her shoulders and cramped hands.
Sara Stone woke to the gentle bump of landing and the sound of blades slowing overhead, the rolled up jacket she'd been resting on falling away as she lifted her head. A moment of comprehension as she saw the fuzzy outline of broad shoulders approach her, concerned eyes piercing through the fog with intensity she couldn't bear. "Buddy?" she whispered.
No. Not Buddy. The tearing in her forearm reminded her of what she'd done. What she'd failed to do. Buddy. No. Sleep. Just to cease, just for a minute, not to feel.
Her eyes closed again and she knew no more.
"She's passed out Sam."
"Take her to medical," Sam said from the front, twisting himself in the seat to see the patient in question. "Might just be fatigue but she should get checked over."
Bucky nodded and undid her belt, taking care not to jolt her neck as he lifted her into his arms.
"Don't leave her alone in there Buck, she hates hospitals," Sam shouted after him.
It was an unnecessary remark, Bucky had no intention of leaving her alone, still it nagged at something in the back of his mind, something he couldn't quite name.
Nurses swarmed forward at the sight of a dusty and disheveled woman lying limp in his arms but he warned them back with a glance. "Doctor Gilvery. And you." He nodded at the matronly nurse who'd attended him last time. Miss Betty nodded and led the way at a brisk trot to an examination room. Stone had met her when he'd been in the infirmary. She was a little bossy and abrupt but very capable and never seemed to cower away from Bucky, all points in her favour, but there was one other, Stone had met her before, and that seemed terribly important just now.
"What happened?"
"Rock climbing," Bucky said, adding at the worried look he received, "she didn't fall, she was the rescuer, her hands and feet hurt and she fell asleep on the way back, Sam says it might just be exhaustion but to check her over anyway."
"Alright, so unconscious, nothing broken, no acute trauma, no known head injury. We'll have to get her out of these clothes for a scan," Miss Betty relayed the information to the doctor who had just arrived and then turning to Bucky, "if you could wait outside."
"No." He said abruptly, taking Stone's hand and holding it desperately tight. Then bowing his head abashed, "I can't leave her."
The matron squinted at him but nodded, "alright then, we'll draw a curtain, sit there if you would." She pointed at a chair and he dragged it close enough that he could sit without letting go of the too-cool hand.
The view was obscured by the curtain but the sound of two nurses murmuring as they worked together to undress her, inspecting her for injury as they went and the doctor's flashlight clicking on and off gave Bucky enough memories of lights in his eyes and rough hands manipulating his limbs. He pressed his eyes shut at the idea, focusing on the single thing that could stop him slipping into a flashback, on the single sensation that kept him seated. The calloused curled fingers unconsciously wrapped around his palm.
Not the soft delicate touch of a woman's hand that he'd daydreamed about in the old days, cold against his warm skin, but burning through his mind nevertheless. Maybe Tony was right about him being 'touch-starved' if this simple and platonic act could make his heart pound, or maybe it was just worry and the awful smell of disinfectant.
"Blood," a distant voice said calmly. "Scissors."
"You're going to have to let go Mr. Barnes." Betty said, tapping the back of his hand.
"What's going on?" Bucky said, dropping her hand instinctively. "Is it bad, what—"
"She's going to be fine, Ginny, cover her with a sheet. Alright Mr. Barnes, you can come back."
He swept the sheet aside in one furious movement and saw Stone still in her athletic top and covered from the waist down with a thick sheet. Mary was carefully cutting a slit up the left sleeve and Bucky could see a smear of dried blood on her wrist. Just below the inside of the elbow the culprit was found, a small shard of shale embedded in her skin. The injury itself wasn't deep, and the bleeding hadn't been excessive but Bucky grimaced at the thought of her descent. How long had it been there, how many times had it ground against her as she fought for stability against the unforgiving mountain.
He sunk back onto his stool, cradling his head in his hands as they addressed the injury. Why? Why hadn't she said anything?
"If you're going to accompany her for the scan, you're going to need to remove your prosthetic."
Bucky moved without thought, tearing off the sleeve of his shirt, disengaging the coupling, dropping the arm into his lap, peeling off the sleeve and pilon and setting the assemblage on an empty side table. When He looked up again, Stone had been covered completely by the sheet and her shirt lay in ribbons on the floor.
The scans and testing went by mercifully fast, and Bucky was allowed to stay with her through them on the off chance that she'd wake up. Sam joined the nurses watching from the corridor and gave him a questioning nod that he shook off with a look, 'later' was implied.
Everything appeared normal, her heart rate and blood sugars were low but an IV drip and rest were deemed sufficient for her recovery, the slate shard was removed and the wound was cleaned, nano-stitched and wrapped.
While the nurses took care of that and re-dressed her, Bucky met Sam in the hall and relayed the information he'd received from the doctor. Sam nodded and sighed with relief.
"She's going to hate all the attention, but I'm glad it checks out. I can stay with her until she wakes if you want to go…" His words faded away with the grim look Bucky gave him then. "Alright, I'll order some food and see if we can't spare a room for her tonight, they'll want her under observation but she won't want to stay in medical any longer than necessary."
Night had fallen outside the infirmary windows by the time Stone was lifted gently from the stretcher to a bed by Bucky. Miss Betty assisted him in settling her onto the bed, taking care to straighten her hospital gown and tuck her in warmly.
Stone murmured restlessly and reached out with her left arm, "Buddy?"
"She must be looking for you in her dreams." Miss Betty said with a wink before leaving the room. "She's starting to come out of it, but let her sleep if she can."
It wasn't him she sought, but Bucky took her hand anyway, hoping it would bring her some comfort. Calloused fingers gripped him back tightly and Stone relaxed against her pillow with a long breath. He moved to cover her bare arm with the blanket when her inner forearm caught his eye.
He'd never seen her in short sleeves before and hadn't looked closely at the area of smeared blood earlier, but now that the wound was bandaged and the skin was clean, he couldn't miss the scars.
It started on her inner wrist, were a watch band might sit, a thin silvery rope of scarring, it spread up her arm, twisting under it and wrapping around to a point just shy of her outer elbow, wide in the middle and deeply furrowed, ruined muscles barely covered by a thin layer of dermis.
The small adhesive patch paled in comparison to the scar around it.
What had happened to her? Bucky clutched her hand more firmly, careful not to apply too much pressure but reassured by the returning warmth.
"Sarah," He breathed the name like a wish.
"Bu—" a mumble escaped her lips and he held his breath. "Bu—y?"
Her hand moved in his, squeezing tighter still, as though she was afraid to let go, to fall. Or to drop him. His gut twisted again at the thought, trying to remember what she'd said about losing Buddy. She couldn't hold on because it was too hot, too slippery.
Dreadful realization flushed the blood from his own face and he buried his head in the bed next to her hand.
Then quietly, so softly his hearing alone could have distinguished the consonants.
"Bucky?"
Notes:
Long time in coming but here's another chapter, fear not this story has not been abandoned and I will keep updating as the whims take me.
Carry on my wayward friends, drink water, eat something, have a nap and know that you are not alone.
Also: please let me know what you think in the comments!