.

.

Donna wasn't joking when she said finding a new psychiatrist for Harvey would be her primary mission, and she had been incredibly effective in this task.

Determined, she started by calling Dr. Lipschitz with Louis's consent to get recommendations. After a brief explanation of the situation, Stan provided contact details for two female colleagues, as Donna had requested. The first doctor she contacted seemed quite cold and distant, and Harvey was distant enough himself without adding more distance. The second psychiatrist, Dr. Jamie Robinson, made a much better impression on her over the phone. Donna couldn't quite place it—whether it was her experience or simply her compassion—but there was something comforting about Dr. Robinson's voice. Without further delay, she made an appointment for a few days later, coordinating it with Harvey's hectic schedule.

.

That morning, Harvey woke much earlier than usual for his first appointment with Dr. Robinson. The anticipation of revisiting painful memories and the therapy sessions with Paula weighed heavily on him. Yet, he had promised Donna. She had gone through considerable effort to find him a doctor and secure an appointment so quickly. Even though he dreaded what might come out in the session, he knew it was crucial for his recovery. Breaking up with Paula and no longer being under her influence had already improved his condition. His appetite hadn't returned, and it would take time for his stomach to settle, but he no longer had memory lapses and was getting restful sleep. Donna had a lot to do with that, and not just the restful sleep, but the fact that he was sleeping beside her. If he had been alone, he might have suffered from insomnia and spent sleepless nights ruminating over his past months with Paula. Instead, he went to bed at a decent hour and quickly fell into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.

The first night had been awkward; he spent it on the edge of the bed, ensuring he didn't touch Donna accidentally. But as the nights went by, he found himself moving closer, drawn like a magnet to the redhead until his subconscious finally pushed him toward her in their sleep.

He woke up one morning feeling numb and quickly realized why. He was lying on his stomach, more on Donna than the mattress, their limbs so entwined that he couldn't distinguish where his body ended and hers began. His nose was buried in her hair, and her face was nestled in the crook of his neck. He could still feel her warm breath caressing his collarbone, and he knew he needed to get out of bed quickly. Carefully, he moved his left hand from Donna's hip and lifted his leg, which was pinning her to the bed. He managed to leave the bedroom without waking her, relieved to have avoided the awkwardness of waking up when she realized their position.

Leaning against the kitchen counter, sipping his coffee, a noise from the corridor pulled him from his thoughts. He frowned when he saw Donna walk into the kitchen.

"Hey, did you sleep well ?" she asked, pouring herself a cup of coffee.

"Yeah, what are you doing up so early?" he replied, trying to sound casual.

"I need to stop by Mike and Rachel's before going to the office."

"Why ?" he asked, curious.

"Wedding talk," she said with a shrug.

"You're really going to plan it, aren't you ?" Harvey asked, a hint of amusement in his voice.

"Are you kidding ? I'm better at organizing than all the wedding planners in Manhattan," Donna replied confidently.

Harvey smiled. His ego might be overinflated, but Donna's confidence was just as impressive.

"We still have a lot to discuss, and we have a very strict boss who forbids personal talk at the office," she teased.

"Oh really? Because I heard he's very well-liked," Harvey shot back.

"That's just to flatter his ego, which is huge," she replied sarcastically.

Harvey laughed, placing his empty cup in the sink. "Still not hungry in the morning?" Donna asked, noticing that nothing besides the coffee maker had been touched.

"No, sorry," Harvey said, looking contrite. "But if it makes you feel any better, I could barely finish my coffee."

"That doesn't reassure me at all. What's going on?" Donna asked, her concern evident.

"Nothing, it's just... Having to talk to this psychiatrist, it's not going to be easy," Harvey admitted.

"It won't be," Donna agreed softly. "But you don't have to say everything in the first session. And remember, if you don't feel comfortable with this doctor, we can always find another one."

Harvey nodded as his phone vibrated. "It's Ray. I'll see you at the office later." He kissed her temple as a goodbye and left the apartment.

He had unconsciously gotten into the habit of kissing her forehead when they were alone, probably because her apartment was the only place where she didn't wear heels, and the top of her head was perfectly at the height of his lips. Donna had gotten used to this gesture far too quickly for her liking, and she already knew she was completely screwed. She picked up her phone and sent a message to Rachel.

"Are you awake ? I need to talk to you, and I can't do it at work."

Rachel replied immediately. "Of course. Bagels are waiting for you."

When Donna arrived at the couple's home, Rachel immediately sensed something was bothering her best friend. The fact that Donna showed up at 8 a.m. with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes told Rachel it was serious. She was willing to bet it had something to do with Harvey.

.

Rachel and Mike only knew that Harvey had broken up with Paula and was staying with Donna for a few days, but beyond that, Harvey had been tight-lipped.

As the young women settled at the kitchen counter, Donna noted the absence of Mike and concluded he was probably in the shower. The morning light filtered through the windows, casting a warm glow on the kitchen, yet it did little to ease the tension Donna carried.

"So, what brings you here so early ?" Rachel asked, pouring her a cup of coffee.

"If you still want to get married in a month, we really need to start discussing it seriously," Donna replied, trying to maintain her usual confident demeanor.

"Wedding talk at 8 in the morning ?" Rachel raised an eyebrow, skeptical but curious.

"Rachel, I know I have a reputation for being a magician, but I need to know what you and Mike want."

"Donna, I'd be happy to confirm what we want, but you and I both know you already know what we want. You wouldn't be Donna otherwise."

Donna rested her hand against her face, looking exhausted despite the early hour. "I know, it's just…"

"Donna, what's going on ?" Rachel asked, her voice softening with concern.

For a moment, Donna remained silent, fighting back tears. But as Rachel saw them beading on her cheeks, she moved closer, rubbing her back soothingly. "Hey, Donna, talk to me. Is it about Harvey ?"

Donna nodded just as Mike entered the kitchen, his expression shifting from surprise to concern upon seeing Donna's tears.

"Donna, what's going on ? Is Harvey okay ?" Mike asked, his voice tinged with worry.

"Not really, no," Donna admitted, her voice trembling.

The weight of her burden became too much to bear alone. She was more than happy to be there for Harvey and to let him lean on her, but sometimes the load was too heavy for one person. So she told her friends everything: the gala, how he really hurt his hand, the hospital visit, what the doctor had told them, and his breakup with Paula.

It was a lot to take in, but Donna had a visceral need to unburden herself. Keeping up appearances constantly was exhausting, and she couldn't even cry at home without risking Harvey finding out what was tormenting her. Waking up in his arms that morning had been the last straw. She had pretended to still be asleep when she felt Harvey wake up, but my God, she had never slept so well. She'd missed him more than she realized. It wasn't just a lack that made her cry every night; it was an immense void, a part of her that had stayed with him when he drifted away. Longing to snuggle in his arms while they belonged to another woman had been torture. Even though his arms didn't fully belong to her now, being close to him had been overwhelming. Far too much for her fragile heart, which no one was taking care of at the moment.

.

Rachel hugged her without hesitation, sensing her friend's distress. She exchanged a desperate look with Mike, who joined the embrace. After a few minutes, Donna finally came to her senses.

"I didn't want to tell you this way, I didn't want to tell you at all, actually. I wanted Harvey to be ready to talk about it himself, but I can't do this alone anymore," she confessed, taking the tissue Mike handed her.

"We understand, Donna. Don't worry, it's okay," Rachel reassured her.

"Just don't let him know that you know. He'll talk about it when he's ready. It's just…" She searched for her words before continuing. "Don't get me wrong, I love having him at home and being a shoulder for him to lean on. But sometimes…"

"Sometimes, the shoulder needs another shoulder to lean on," Rachel finished softly, understanding exactly what her friend meant.

Donna nodded slowly. "Something like that."

"You can always come here when your shoulder threatens to collapse. We often forget that the pillar is also going through a tough time. It's no one's fault; Harvey can't take care of himself right now, so you obviously can't rely on him. But never hesitate to come here or call if it's too much."

That was all Donna needed to hear for now. A place where she didn't have to be fine. Because no one talks about how exhausting it is to pretend to be okay.

"Where's Harvey, by the way ? Already at the office ?" Mike asked.

"He's at his first session with his new psychiatrist. Lipschitz recommended her."

"Her ?" Mike's eyebrows shot up.

"Mike, not all female therapists are psychopaths, you know that, right ?" Donna asked ironically, raising an eyebrow.

"Sure, I just didn't think he'd choose a woman."

"He didn't. I did."

"Why ?"

"Because when he talks about his relationship with Paula, the doctor will tell him it was a toxic and abusive relationship and hopefully that he wasn't to blame for what happened. But if a man tells him that—"

"He'll never believe it, of course," Mike interrupted, understanding Donna's logic.

"Exactly. He needs to hear it from a woman. It will carry much more weight."

Harvey had a few minutes to inspect the room where his therapy sessions would take place before the therapist arrived. The secretary had kindly offered to let him settle in and get familiar with the surroundings. The room was filled with natural light streaming in from several bay windows, making it bright and welcoming. A large leather couch sat in the middle, facing an armchair separated by a coffee table. A large bookshelf lined one wall, and a desk completed the office setup.

As Harvey got lost in thought, he gazed out one of the large office windows. He watched as yellow school buses began to pick up children, businessmen glued to their phones hurried along the streets, and students rushed into cafes for their morning caffeine fix. The city was slowly coming to life and Harvey felt a pang of longing—he should have been part of that hustle and bustle, but instead, he was here, a spectator of a life he didn't belong to for now.

A feminine voice startled him out of his reverie. "You must be Harvey Specter."

He turned around and stood still for a moment, somewhat taken aback to find himself facing a woman. She appeared to be in her late fifties, with a short, boyish haircut that had turned naturally gray. Her appearance was elegant, with subtle but noticeable makeup. Her smile was gentle, almost comforting, and her eyes twinkled, a surprising contrast given her profession.

When Harvey didn't immediately respond, she introduced herself, extending her hand, which he shook. "I'm Dr. Jamie Robinson. You seem surprised. What did you expect ?"

Her question brought him back to reality. "When I saw Jamie on the door plaque, I thought you were a man."

"Well, I'm not. Is that okay ?" she asked, maintaining her smile.

"I have a history with female psychiatrists," Harvey admitted, swallowing hard. "But I trust Donna's judgment, so I'll give you a shot."

"I appreciate that, thank you." She gestured towards the couch. "Shall we ?"

Harvey nodded and sat down on the sofa, feeling a mixture of apprehension and relief.

"So, Harvey, tell me why you're here today ?"

"How much time do you have ? Because I'd love to have just one problem," he sighed, already feeling exhausted by the session.

"Well, let's start with the problem that prompted you to make this appointment."

"I broke up with my girlfriend. It didn't end well," he said, skirting around the full truth.

"Can you tell me what happened ?"

"We were together for three months, and I found out she had been... drugging me for several weeks." Harvey scanned the woman in front of him, who took notes but didn't interrupt. "GHB," he specified, nervously playing with his hands. "But it's okay. I kind of deserved it. It's not… It's not that bad. I was a bad boyfriend."

This statement made her raise her head from her notebook. "We'll come back to that a bit later. Can you tell me how things were before that? How did you meet? How were the early days?"

"She was my therapist." He paused, watching for any reaction from Dr. Robinson, but her expression remained neutral. "She treated me for a while after Donna left me and I started having panic attacks, even though it wasn't really about her. Then my therapy ended, and a year later, I asked her out, and we started dating."

"Hence the history with female therapists." Harvey nodded. "What happened with Donna that made her leave ?"

Harvey explained the whole story, sharing everything about Donna: their meeting, mutual loyalty, The Other Time, the Liberty Rail case, the words that slipped out and were taken back, Donna leaving to work for Louis, the panic attacks, their reconciliation, her promotion, his relationship with Paula in between, and how Donna was there for him throughout it all.

"You said your panic attacks weren't really related to Donna. Why is that ?"

Harvey shrugged. "That's what Paula said. That Donna was just a trigger for my abandonment issues from my messed-up childhood," he sighed, remembering those endless and always conflicting sessions. Being here was much more relaxing and easier than his first therapy. Once again, Donna had been right. As always. He noted the doctor's grimace. "You don't agree, do you?"

"I don't have enough information to disagree, but based on what you've told me about Donna, it's certainly more than just a trigger," Jamie said politely. "Would you be comfortable explaining what happened in your childhood so I can get the full picture of your situation ?"

And once again, Harvey surprised himself by being comfortable recounting his childhood, his tumultuous family relationships, and his reconciliation with his mother.

Jamie closed her notebook and observed Harvey calmly. "It was a long journey to be able to forgive your mother, and that's what triggered your desire to commit to a woman. But why Paula? When you talk about Donna, she seems to be the most important person in your life."

"She is. Donna is… everything," he murmured absentmindedly, lost in thought. "My friend. My lifeline. My safe place. My soulmate. My home."

"You sound very much in love with Donna."

"I am," he admitted without hesitation.

"Then why did you start a relationship with Paula if that's the case?"

"Because I thought it could actually work. That I could commit to this relationship, and my feelings for Donna would fade over time. I can't risk hurting Donna. She deserves so much better. And Paula already knew me; she already knew what was going on in my head. There was no real need to get to know each other. It was simple. Easy. And then it hit me like a boomerang."

"Harvey, knowing you because you had therapy is not the same as really knowing you."

"Yes, but she knew the hardest part. My childhood. And Donna. She knew Donna was special to me; I didn't have to justify being close to her. But… I guess, it wasn't enough," he sighed bitterly.

"You were still thinking about Donna ?"

"I think about Donna only when I breathe, so…" Harvey replied sarcastically. "No, it didn't work. I thought about her all the time, even when…" He closed his eyes to suppress his disgust. "Even when we were having sex, I thought about Donna. I pictured being with her instead of Paula…"

"Did Paula notice ?"

"I thought she didn't, but… yes, she did. And instead of confronting me, she chose to drug me."

"That's why you said you deserved what she did? Because thinking about another woman while being with someone else is wrong?"

He nodded but didn't answer.

"Harvey, being with someone and thinking about someone else is obviously not good and not fair to the person you're with. But that never justifies what she did to you. That relationship was abusive from the start."

"What do you mean ?" Harvey asked, frowning.

"You'll soon understand my point. But let me guess if I've got Paula's personality right: Did you ever feel trapped in that relationship, like you couldn't do what you wanted, that everything was always questioned ?"

Harvey didn't have to think long. That was exactly how he'd felt for three months. Suffocated to the point of having difficulty breathing. Caught in his own trap. He thought for a while, recalling moments with Paula and slowly realizing that nothing was healthy in that relationship.

"You mean, not even being able to eat what I wanted, constantly criticizing my friends, invading my space even though we didn't live together, looking upset because…" He swallowed several times, clearly uncomfortable. "Because I finally got along well with my mother."

"Exactly. The abuse was psychological long before it became physical. And it was abusive from the start due to your former doctor-patient relationship. She knew your biggest fears, and you knew nothing about her. She used your abandonment issues to manipulate you because she knew you'd have a hard time leaving her."

"I came to her, not the other way around," Harvey argued, not understanding where the doctor was coming from. He had to be the one at fault in this story. He was the one who initiated the relationship and hurt Paula by constantly thinking about Donna.

"It still isn't your fault. You were the one who asked for a date. She is the one who said yes when she should have said no. Just because you started the relationship doesn't mean all the misfortunes that followed are your doing, especially if she agreed to go out with you without hesitation."

Harvey said nothing for a moment, trying to process Jamie's words.

"I'm not asking you to instantly accept that what happened wasn't your fault. I just want you to understand that Paula was the abuser in this relationship."

Harvey recalled their first date, how uncomfortable he had felt from the beginning but chose to ignore it, attributing it to his emotional disability.

"During our first date, she told me… She told me she had already thought of me that way, during my therapy. That it happened sometimes, that it was common," Harvey recounted, using Paula's words, his eyes fixed on an invisible point in front of him. "I think that's why she agreed immediately. She had already thought about it."

"Harvey, look at me, please." The lawyer raised his eyes to her. "I want you to listen to me very carefully. It doesn't happen. It's not common. And it's definitely not normal. At. All."

Harvey absorbed the words but said nothing. This session was exhausting him, and he hadn't even started his workday yet. Dr. Robinson, seeing his distant expression, decided to conclude this first session.

"If you agree to continue working together, I would be happy to see you next week, Harvey. This first session may seem intense because I needed to understand the key areas to work on, but we will go step by step and take as much time as needed. What do you think ?" Jamie smiled softly.

Harvey nodded, feeling a mix of relief and exhaustion. "Sounds good."

"Good. Before you go, I'd like you to think about something for our next session. You think the love you have for Donna triggered the abuse. From my perspective, I believe the love you have for her is actually what saved you."

Harvey frowned, confusion written all over his face. "What are you talking about?"

"The hardest part of this type of relationship is ending it because the victim is in love with their abuser. They think they can save them, that things can change, that the abuser can change, and that's how abusive relationships last for years, sometimes a lifetime," explained the therapist. "But you, Harvey, despite your guilt and fear of abandonment, had the courage to break up as soon as you understood what was happening."

The lawyer slowly began to understand Dr. Robinson's reasoning. "Because I wasn't in love with her ?"

"Exactly. And because of that, she had no real hold on you," Jamie explained. "Because you weren't in love with her. Because your heart was already taken."

"Donna," Harvey realized, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Yes. You think that loving her is what led to your downfall. But the truth is, the love you have for Donna is actually what saved you."

Harvey sat in silence, the weight of her words sinking in. He had never thought about it that way. The idea that his love for Donna could be a saving grace rather than a burden was a new perspective, one that would take time to fully embrace.

Jamie gave him a moment before standing up, signaling the end of their session. "I know this is a lot to take in, but we will work through it together. One step at a time."

Harvey stood up as well, feeling a strange sense of lightness despite the heavy conversation. "Thank you, Dr. Robinson. I'll see you next week."

As he left the office, Jamie's final words echoed in his mind.

The love you have for Donna is what saved you.

It was a thought that stayed with him, lingering in the back of his mind as he navigated through the rest of his day, a small but significant shift in his perspective on everything that had happened.