Finn was always such a terrific kid. He helped out quite a bit around the house with many of the daily and weekly chores. Besides mowing the lawn and taking out the trash, he washed the dishes almost always – on non-game nights at least. Thanks to his height, he's still the best cobweb clearer in Lima. I can't say he did much in the way of dusting or vacuuming without being prompted (certainly not his own bedroom) but he at least brought his dirty laundry down to the basement for me (hey if he wants it clean, he knows the routine!). I hardly ever had to ask him to do most of those things either, that's just the great team we'd become over the years.
Actually washing the laundry always remained my domain, though (lest everything we both own become pink – a lesson we BOTH learned the hard way once). So imagine my stunned surprise when I hauled my basket of bedsheets and bath towels to the basement on a rare Sunday morning when I had the day off, only to find my trusty 20 year old Maytag covered in yellow paint splotches!
"FINN?! Finn Collin Hudson you march yourself down these steps right this instant, mister!"
"Mom? What's wro— oh, uh... Oops..."
"Oops indeed! Care to explain this mess?"
"Y-yeah I uh... well, I meant to clean this up, but then Mike and Matt wanted me to join a CoD tournament and I guess I fell asleep after and–"
"You boys and that idiot box. Finn, where did this come from and why is the inside and out of my washer such a mess?"
"It's paint. Y'know, from paintballs. I um... sorta got attacked."
"Attacked? What do you mean, attacked?! Attacked by whom? When?"
"At Carmel yesterday, right after we watched Vocal Adrenaline perform. Remember the field trip I told you about? And oh Mom, they were crazy SICK by the way, like their Glee club is HUGE and such good dancers and we were all like totally freaking out! They're like WAAAY too good and we're gonna be screwed for competitions and–"
"Finn, Finn you can tell me about them later. Focus now, please... Paintballs?"
"Oh yeah... um, well I guess Puck found out about Glee somehow and followed me to Carmel. And uh, him and the JV team blasted me with paintballs."
"Puck did this? I don't understand, he's your very best friend. Why on earth would he do something like that to you?"
"Yeah well, I warned you, Mom. I told you I was hiding Glee from him for a reason. Like I said, the guys don't think me being in Glee is cool at all. ESPECIALLY Puck."
"I'm sorry, honey. But you know, you're allowed to have your own interests, there's nothing wrong with that. They don't need to like all the same things you do. And you just wait til I get my hands on Noah Puckerman!"
"Mom, don't, please? Okay? It'll just make things worse and he'll call me a pansy or a momma's boy. I'll deal with Puck. Besides, he kinda had a right to be ticked off. I mean, I did lie to him... but the paintball thing still pretty much sucked. Those things kinda hurt at close range."
"I should drag him over here by his stupid mohawk and make him help clean up this mess, but I guess you'll need to do it yourself. Right now, young man, and it better not take you all day because I have several loads to get done today. And where are the clothes you were wearing that I assume are now yellow?"
"Oh yeah... sorry, I kinda ended up having to toss them out anyway. Paintball paint it pretty permanent, so..."
"Right, which is something I could've told you, had you waited and asked me. Okay. Get scrubbing mister. I have five loads to do and I would prefer NOT to have paint chips in my bedding or my underwear. SPOTLESS you hear me?"
"I hear you, Mom. Sorry."
. . . . .
Once I learned how much misery my son was going through for the sake of being in this new club, I felt like I had to know he was doing what was best for himself. I knew it must have been pretty important to him if he was fighting against his own life long best friend over it.
So... let's just say, that part of motherhood that drives us to want to see our children happy is precisely what drove me to do what I did next. And I make no apologies for snooping in on my son's life that way – it's a parenting perk, one I happen to enjoy.
After hearing Finn sing like that for the first time and seeing him happier and more excited about something than I'd seen him in a long while, I just HAD to see this Glee club in action for myself.
Luckily, I had a good excuse, too. That whole bit about being a football booster? Well, it meant I had to be at the school to meet with Coach Tanaka and a few other parents since it was my turn to help plan the next bake sale. It just happened to occur at a time while the Glee club was still rehearsing. Can I help it if the auditorium is located in the same wing as the gym and the Coach's office, or if the doors were open?
I could hear the music before I even entered the auditorium. I'm not sure what I expected, but it sure wasn't this. Not only was I treated to the sounds of my son's incredible voice filling that space, but my eyes were stunned by the sight of him up there on a stage DANCING too...
Dancing! MY FINN and both his left feet!
His reasons for wanting to keep his participation a secret from his teammates were finally becoming quite clear. I can fully understand him not wanting Noah to know he was spending time singing and dancing like this – even though he was SO GOOD! They all were, actually... even though there weren't very many of them in the club, they still sounded amazing together.
And oh my goodness, the girl he was singing with... I knew she had to be Rachel! He didn't even have to describe her appearance to me; I just knew based on her voice alone and the way he was looking at her. (I didn't miss how she was looking back at him, either... in fact, based on what I saw on that stage, I didn't think much of any motherly nudging would be needed at all... I recognized the look on both their faces. They were like magnets following each other.)
I quietly slipped in from the back of the auditorium and slowly made my way down the aisle toward the stage. I hadn't meant to interrupt their rehearsal, but Mr Schuester saw me coming and suddenly the music stopped.
"Hey, Mrs Hudson! Welcome, what an unexpected surprise!"
Finn looked at me like a deer caught in the headlights. "Mom?"
"Normally rehearsals are closed, but I'm sure Finn wouldn't mind at all if his mom sat in and observed a little. Besides, we could always use an outside opinion on our progress, right kids?" Mr Schuester turned to face the little rag-tag outfit on stage and they all smiled awkwardly and nodded – well, except the girl with the black clothes and blue hair. And also the very tall quarterback who was turning four shades of red.
"Oh you're too kind, Mr Schuester! Hi Finn, sweetie! Sorry I didn't mean to interrupt, I was just on my way out after a Titan's booster club meeting, and I heard the music so I couldn't help myself. And oh goodness, you all just sound so wonderful! But don't mind me, I'll just be a quiet little church mouse sitting over here enjoying the show. Please, keep going!"
"She's right guys, you're all coming along great, but we still need to work on the group harmonies at the end. Now let's really show our guest what you've got. From the top everyone... Hit it Brad!" Mr Schuester directed the team with confidence and so much positivity. I can tell he really loves his job. It's nice to know Finn has him as a role model.
And OH MY GOODNESS, that Rachel! What a tiny little thing she was standing next to my son! But they look so sweet together, it gave me goosebumps. Especially when they continued on with the song they were working on, which honestly brought me to tears. Journey's Faithfully, with my son and this adorable girl singing the lead vocals, circling around each other, looking so intensely at one another... my heart was about to BURST!
When they finished, I had to catch my breath and every hair on my body was standing on end. Finn was NOT exaggerating about Rachel's talent. If anything he undersold her abilities. How does such a tiny girl like that have a voice THAT big? And why is she still here in a town like this? Why isn't she already a big star on the radio or something? The American Idol people need to know about her!
Once they were done, Finny hopped off the stage to come and greet me with a peck on the cheek. "Hey Mom. I see you came to spy on me, huh? So how'd we do?" He was so nervous and still blushing.
"Well no sweetheart, I wasn't spying... But oh my goodness, Finn, I just can't get over how incredible you were up there!" I didn't miss the tiny little brunette staring at my son with stars in her eyes, following his every move, while wearing the brightest white smile I'd ever seen in my life. "Where are your manners Finn, aren't you going to introduce me to your new friends?"
He pointed as he went through the lineup of kids still up on the stage. "Yeah yeah, sure... uh, Mom this is Kurt, Mercedes and Tina," the two girls were huddled together with a thin pale boy who was dressed in a rather stylish sweater, smirking and seemingly bickering over something when they paused to wave and say hello. "This cool dude in the chair here is Artie. He plays guitar too." I received an awkward wave and head nod from the young man who then wheeled across the stage to join the two girls and the other boy.
While Finn made his way through those introductions, the real object of my attention was making her way down from the stage and was now standing next to my son, beaming away and seeming ten feet taller than she was.
Finn hopped a little in surprise realizing she'd just appeared next to him. "Oh! Rach you scared me... Um, last but not least, Mom this is Ra–"
"Rachel, Rachel Berry," the little girl interrupted. "I'm the co-captain and female lead of New Directions, along with your very talented son here. And may I say what a pleasure it is to make your acquaintance, Mrs Hudson. It's a real honor to meet the incredible, strong woman who raised my very capable male lead here," That wall of words fell out of her mouth so fast I almost didn't notice the hand she'd thrust out at me in greeting or the ear to ear grin on my son's face. Wow, she really is full of energy isn't she? (Of course, I noticed the knee socks immediately, as well as the owl sweater she was wearing. Mystery solved.)
As I accepted her handshake, I smiled warmly and glanced at my son who was definitely blushing and sort of shifting his weight nervously from one foot to the other. I wrapped both my hands around Rachel's and focused on this little marvel that seems to have gotten under my Finny's skin so quickly.
"Well hello Rachel, it's so nice to put a face to the name – and the voice that my son has been bragging about! And oh my goodness sweetie, he was NOT exaggerating; you sounded amazing! You both did, but really, my dear your talent is just, really quite something!" She was so poised and well mannered and I could just feel this warm happiness oozing off her. What a DARLING! And those big brown eyes of hers were so inviting... oh, my son surely didn't stand a chance (neither, I fear, did Quinn Fabray).
"Well thank you very kindly, Mrs Hudson, that's so terribly sweet of you to say. Finn here deserves a lot of credit too, though; after all, he is the one who introduced Journey to us and suggested this song as a duet."
Finn was probably going to kill me later for what I did next but I just couldn't help myself. "Really? I hadn't realized my son was so involved and had so many hidden talents! And Rachel dear, you really should come to the house for lunch one day soon. Maybe next Sunday? I have the day off again and would love to hear more of you two singing together. You and Finn could work on your songs – he has his drum kit set up in our garage you know, and I'm sure he'd just love to play something for you. He's really very good."
I watched Finn's eyes grow into saucers for a moment and the color drained a little from his face, until Rachel's surprised expression turned his direction. I could tell she was looking for his approval on my lunch invite. When he looked down at her, his expression softened and morphed into the sweetest warm grin. "Y-yeah, Rach, feel free to come over. We can have a co-captain's meeting, and uh... don't worry, Mom makes a killer salad and the best veggie soup, too." Then he looked back at me and added, "Mom, Rach is a vegan. I'm not sure what that means exactly, but I know she doesn't eat real food like I do." I noticed the teasing little shoulder bump he gave her and I swear my heart jumped for joy.
Rachel looked like she was glowing as she poked him in the ribs with the most delightful giggle I've ever heard in my life. "Finn! I've told you repeatedly, it means I do not eat meat or any foods that harm animals in any way, which means no dairy products either. And VEGETABLES are still considered real food by the way! I tell you all the time you need to eat more of them. I promise if you ever try my veggie lasagna you won't be disappointed!"
He poked her back playfully, and it looked like the beginnings of a tickle battle about to start. I've never seen my son act that way with a girl before. "Yeah yeah, like I said, you don't eat REAL food like me. If it wasn't mooing, clucking or oinking first, it doesn't count!"
"Finn stop!" She giggled and slapped him lightly on the arm with an embarrassed chastising look. "You're being very rude and inappropriate in front of your mother. Mrs Hudson, I'd be honored to join you for lunch in your lovely home, and I'd be so happy to bring a batch of my fresh baked banana bread. I know Finn loves his sweets, and it's one of my specialties."
I saw Finn's eyes light up at the prospect of fresh baked goods and couldn't help but chuckle. This girl plays to win, I can tell, and clearly she already knows the way to Finn's heart if she's whipping out homemade banana bread so soon. "Well that would be wonderful dear – that's Finn's favorite snack, you know. Noon Sunday then?"
"That would be perfect. I guess I'll see you both at twelve PM sharp on Sunday then. I should get ready to go, I'm sure my daddies are probably already waiting outside for me. It was so nice to meet you Mrs Hudson, and thank you again so much for the invitation. I'm really looking forward to it!"
Just then Finn surprised me – and Rachel too I think. "Hey Rach wait up, I'll walk you out," my son said as he bounded after her. I watched in awe as he grabbed her little pink suitcase and carried it for her as we all made our way out of the school. Just as she predicted, her ride was waiting. Finn walked over and opened the rear passenger door, first placing her suitcase in then waiting for her to slide in before closing it for her. He stood there for a moment with a small wave and watched them drive away.
Oh my. I liked this girl already. SO much. (And it appeared so did my son!)
. . . . .
As much as I probably shouldn't have interfered that way, once I saw the chemistry between Finn and that little girl, well... I just couldn't help myself, really. I mean, how incredible was she? She was too charming to resist!
By dinner that night I guess I expected a little push back from Finn after my slight ambush of his Glee practice, but it came for different reasons than I could have ever expected... MUCH different.
"Finn, honey go set the table, dinner's ready. Spaghetti tonight."
"Meatballs too?"
"You think I'd forget, my little carnivore?"
"Awesome."
Part way through dinner, I knew something was weighing on him heavily. He'd barely touched his pasta and had only eaten two meatballs then was pushing the third one around on his plate. Spaghetti and meatballs is one of his very favorite meals, so it was odd that he wasn't inhaling his food in Guinness Book World Record time as usual.
"Finny I was just so amazed watching you on that stage at school today. Sweetie, you were just magnificent up there! You didn't mention that you had to dance in this club too though."
"Thanks Mom, but I don't know if you can really call that dancing... Rach and Mr Schue decided it was safe and easy enough choreography for me to handle though. But I still need a lot of practice. That one note in the song is really hard to hit, but I've been working on it. Well, that and singing and walking at the same time."
Then he went quiet again. He must've pushed that same meatball back and forth a dozen times before I couldn't take it anymore.
"So all the kids in the group seemed really nice. And I'm really glad I got to meet Rachel. Finn, you weren't kidding about her voice, I mean WOW. I can see what you mean... She's really something."
And suddenly, there was that gleam in his eyes again. "Yeah, she really is Mom." Just at the mention of her name his face lit up and his worry lines faded, at least for a minute, but then the heaviness returned. "Mom? Do you... do you think there's such a thing as destiny?"
"Destiny? What do you mean honey?"
"Well it's just... Rachel says we're destined to be something great. And, I kinda don't think she means the Glee club. I mean, she does, but...but I think she means something more than that."
"Is everything okay Finn? You seem preoccupied. I hope you're not upset that I invited her for lunch. It just seemed the right thing to do, you know, since you two are the leads in this club. I wanted her to know she's welcome to come here for you two to practice and–"
"I kissed her."
Well that was probably the last thing I expected to hear.
"What? You did? When?"
"Um... it was like, a few days ago. In the auditorium. We were alone, rehearsing together. She was helping me with vocal scales and... I dunno. She just said I could kiss her and so I did."
"So... does this mean you really like her, or do you feel bad about it now?"
"Well, I mean, that's kinda the thing. That kiss was pretty, um... I mean I really LIKED it, Mom. But I do feel sorta bad, 'cause I guess it means I cheated on Quinn, right?"
"Yes, I suppose it does. Kissing another girl when you already have a girlfriend certainly isn't an honorable thing to do. But why did you kiss Rachel?"
"Um. I'm not... well I mean I know why, I just, I'm not sure what's happening now. I... aw man, Mom, I just like, think about her all the time now. It's not on purpose but it just happens. Ever since I first heard her sing. And Quinn doesn't understand why I like being in Glee, y'know? She's too worried about what people think and she yells at me a lot about it. She wants me to quit the club.
"But Rachel, she thinks I'm really good. And Rachel, she... she's really smart. And super pretty in her own way, y'know? Kids at school, they think she's not cool and they hassle her a lot. Which is totally stupid and I really hate it. Rachel though, she just holds her head up and acts like it's not a big deal. She says she won't let people bring her down... I just wish kids would quit treating her like crap though. Especially Quinn."
"Wait, so Quinn treats Rachel badly too? Oh sweetheart... Does she know about the kiss?"
"I don't think she knows, no. Not sure how she could, I mean I sure didn't tell her. But yeah, she's always called her names and makes fun of her clothes and posts stupid comments on the videos Rachel puts on MySpace, and that was even before I joined the club. Now that Rachel's my friend, I asked Quinn to knock it off a couple times, but she just ignores me or tells me how lame I sound defending a loser like her. But Quinn doesn't get it – Rachel is NOT a loser."
"Well Finn, it sounds to me like Quinn may be a little jealous. And acting in a very shallow, thoughtless way. I might even call her a bully. I knew Quinn had a certain... edge to her, but as a Christian, this is the last way I'd ever expect her to behave. Honey, I can't tell you what to do about Quinn... What I can tell you is, it's okay to follow your heart. And if being with Rachel makes you happy, maybe that means something."
"Rachel makes me feel TOO MUCH though, Mom, I think that's kinda the problem. I'm not sure how I feel about her. I mean she's really cool, way cooler than anyone knows. She's kind of.. A LOT in school though. Like, super intense and she's sorta bossy and talks about how good her voice is a lot and how she's gonna be a big star on Broadway, and I guess it rubs people wrong sometimes. But it's just her being confident I guess? Then, when it's just me and her, she's quieter, like calmer or something. She's just cool around me and I-I don't know how to explain it."
"It sounds like she really likes you... a lot maybe."
"Yeah, I kinda get that feeling too. I mean, she never said so or anything – 'cept for saying I could kiss her. But I always catch her looking at me. And the way she smiles at me is pretty awesome. I don't see her smile at anyone else like that."
Interesting... you can only 'catch' someone if... "You catch her looking? Does that mean you're always looking at her too?"
"Well, I... um... maybe. Sometimes."
Knee socks and dancing bear sweaters. Who would've guessed? Certainly not me... although that little plaid skirt she wore explained a LOT. I wondered if she wears those often.
"You said she makes you feel too much, what do you mean?"
"It's hard to explain. Like, we're friends, right? And we're teammates. So it's probably a bad idea for me to like, want to kiss her again. Now that I kissed her once, it's all I think about when I see her and even when I don't. And I'm with Quinn, but when I'm with Rachel, it's like I forget all about Quinn. And I think sometimes I could just, y'know, wanna be with Rachel. But then people get annoyed with her and she has these tantrums in glee and... sometimes I feel like she expects me to agree with her about everything, to stick up for her or something. And I want to sometimes, or well, maybe all the time really. But it's not easy, because I'm supposed to be with Quinn and would it be right to stick up for Rachel too?. . . Mom, do you think it's possible to like two girls at the same time?"
"Well, sure it is. But honey, sooner or later, you're going to have to make a decision. And honestly, you're not being fair to Quinn right now either."
"No, I know I'm not. That's kinda the problem though, Mom. But Quinn, she's just been acting so high strung and freaked out lately and like, kinda avoiding me. Like, Mike had a party last week that I didn't really feel like going to – well actually, it's that I couldn't go because we had a secret glee club meeting about our pep rally song and we had to practice. But y'know, I couldn't tell Quinn anything about it. So she got really mad that I wasn't going to the party and she went by herself and didn't talk to me for the rest of the week. And then I kissed Rachel the day after the party and now I'm just kinda confused."
"You want my honest opinion?"
"Yeah, of course."
"I think if Quinn really cared about you as much as you think she does, she would be more supportive of you being in this club. And I also think if you really liked Quinn enough, Rachel wouldn't have such an affect on you. But you do realize, kissing Rachel wasn't fair to Rachel either... does she know you're dating Quinn?"
"Yeah, she does. I told her right away when we first met, and I could tell she wasn't too happy about it. She doesn't much like Quinn, not that I can really blame her. And I know you're right, I'm not being fair to either one of them."
"You're not being fair to yourself either, sweetheart."
"What do you mean?"
"Oh Finn... I can see how conflicted you are, and now that I've met Rachel, I sort of understand why. It just seems like you're not letting yourself be happy, honey. This tug of war in your heart, it isn't healthy."
"Tell me about it! UGH... What am I supposed to do about it though, Mom? I mean, I like Quinn, and we've been together a really long time. And she wants to be prom queen and has all these plans for us... I know you're not her biggest fan, but she does care about me too, in her way. But then, when I hang out with Rachel, I feel different... like someone else altogether. People wouldn't know it, but Rachel's actually pretty fun and she makes me laugh. And it's really easy to talk to her about stuff. She's a good listener and she doesn't make me feel stupid, even when she uses super big words or talks really fast and I don't know what she's saying. And I really love singing with her. And she always tells me how good I am at stuff and it's really cool how she looks at me like, like I'm some kind of hero or something. I don't know why she feels that way, but it feels good to be looked at as more than just a dumb jock, or a Lima Loser."
"A what? Who calls you dumb or a loser?"
"Well Quinn sometimes calls me an idiot and stuff. And I know I'm no brainiac, Mom. I guess the main point is, Rachel isn't friends with any of my friends. And my friends, well, I don't think they'd ever accept her, because she's just really... different. So it almost feels like I'd have to choose one or the other."
"I see. Well honey, I'm not going to tell you what you should do. I'm just going to ask you one thing: Which one makes you feel better about yourself when you're around them? No matter what the answer is though, you shouldn't let your friends dictate what you feel in your heart. Your REAL FRIENDS will understand and accept your choices. And also, you definitely shouldn't be kissing anyone who isn't your girlfriend anymore. That's only going to lead to more grief and heartache for everyone involved."
"You're right Mom, I know you're right. And you gave me a lot to think about. I'm gonna head up to my room for a while. I'll get the dishes a little later, okay?"
"Don't worry about it sweetie, I've got the dishes tonight. You go ahead and rest a while. I hope you're able to sort things out soon... but just remember Finn, I love you either way and I'm always here for you."
"I know. Thanks mom. I love you too."
Oh dear. He had it BAD for this girl and really just didn't know it yet. I always knew he was a little backwards about girls, I just didn't realize HOW backwards! Still, I can sort of understand his hesitancy in this matter. It's not easy going against popular opinion – especially when that means alienating all your friends. Then again, some of these little punks he calls friends I could certainly live without.
Of course I knew in my heart there was only one inevitable outcome here; I just wasn't sure how long it would take for my son to accept that fact too.