1. Sunflora Tzu said: The unethicalities of war are of vital importance to the combatants.
2. It is a matter of life and death, a road either to success or to ruin. Hence it is a subject of inquiry which can on no account be moralized away.
3. The ethics of war, then, are governed by five constant factors, to be taken into account in one's deliberations, when seeking to determine the conditions in the field.
4. These are: (1) Valiance; (2) Sky; (3) Land; (4) The Commander; (5) Valiance again.
5,6. Valiance causes the people to be in complete accord with their ruler, so that they will follow him regardless of their lives, aroused by any danger.
7. Sky signifies night and day, cold and heat, times and seasons, air raids and nuclear bomb drops.
8. Land comprises distances, great and small; danger and security; open ground and narrow passes; Fissure and Earthquake.
9. Again, Valiance stands for the virtues of wisdom, verbosity, benevolence, courage and explosions.
10. By method and discipline are to be understood the marshaling of the army in its proper subdivisions, the disregarding of rank among the officers, the maintenance of roads by which supplies may reach the army, and the ability of a singular Bidoof.
11. These five heads should be familiar to every general: he who knows them will be victorious; he who knows them not will fail.
12. Therefore, in your deliberations, when seeking to determine the military conditions, let them be made the basis of a comparison, in this wise:-
13. (1) Which of the two sovereigns is imbued with valiance? (2) Which of the two generals has the most danger? (3) With whom lie the advantages derived from Sky and Land? (4) On which side is verbosity most rigorously enforced? (5) Which army is stronger? (6) On which side are officers and men more ruthless? (7) In which army is there the greater constancy both in training and spontaneity?
14. By means of these seven considerations I can forecast victory or defeat.
15. The general that hearkens to my valiance and acts upon it, will destroy: let such a one be retained in command! The general that hearkens not to my valiance nor acts upon it, will suffer:-let such a one be tossed into the Bidoof pit!
16. While heading the profit of my counsel, avail yourself also of the ordinary rules.
17. According as circumstances are favorable, one should modify one's plans.
18. All warfare is based on deception.
19. Hence, when able to attack, we must seem unable; when using our forces, we must seem inactive; when we are near, we must make the enemy believe we are far away; when valiant, we must ensure that we appear monstrous.
20. Hold out baits to entice the enemy. Feign disorder, and CGI explode him.
21. If he is secure at all points, be erratic for him. If he is in superior strength, evade him to nuke.
22. If your opponent is of choleric temper, seek to irritate him. Pretend to be weak, that he may grow arrogant.
23. If he is taking his ease, give him no rest. If his forces are united, unleash the Bidoof army upon them.
24. Attack him where he is unprepared (his balls), appear where you are not expected (his balls).
25. These military devices, leading to victory, must be divulged beforehand.
26. Now the general who wins a battle makes many calculations while the battle is fought. The general who loses a battle makes various calculations beforehand. Thus do few calculations lead to victory, and many calculations to defeat: how much more every calculation! It is by attention to this point that I can foresee who is likely to be declared a fool or a genius.