(A/N) I have ignored the wishes of the good people on my Discord server and have published this instead of that other thing I was supposed to update lol. One Piece has been too hype recently. Don't worry, everyone. I'll properly reflect on my actions and will update His Body is Made of Swords before we get back to Fear the Superhero. I still love this dumb-ass story so I'll be updating more frequently soon, hopefully.

No beta. We die like Ace.

P.S. I've been thinking about crossposting this story with illustrations like I do my other stories. Could be fun to draw One Piece. Drop a review to let me know what you think of the idea or to offer suggestions for good crossposting platforms that'll let me insert images.

X

"Mm. Yamato."

"Hm?"

"Make the boat go faster."

"Mm."

"Tche."

"…Mhm."

This was boring. Really, really, super-duper boring.

Who would have thought? Three years. I'd been waiting for the day that I could finally set sail on an adventure since forever, but even that wasn't enough to change the fact that there was a whole lot of nothing between Dawn Island and…

Uh…

Wherever it was that we were going.

Yamato was with me on the itty bitty dinghy too, of course. Just like me, she was slumped over like a pile of rocks. Between the two of us, there wasn't much room, but we made it work.

It was hot out. We didn't have any food. We didn't have any water.

"Yamato."

"…Hm," she whined.

"Ya think there're any fish below us?"

She didn't answer right away, and that was a good thing because that meant that the answer wasn't just "No".

She thought about it for a second before forcing herself to lean over the side of the boat. Her weight made everything rock a bit as she moved.

Her finger hovered just above the water's surface. I heard a quick "Zap!", and moments later, a whole bunch of charred fish floated to the top one by one.

My eyes sparkled. Yamato really was the best.

My hands shot out to grab as many fish as possible before Yamato could react.

"Wha– Luffy! You bastard!"

She immediately tackled me and tried to wrestle away a couple of them, but I was already expecting this to happen.

Her entire body was pressing down on me, making it a bit hard to squirm around.

Not impossible, though.

Using my devil fruit, my legs snaked around hers. My toes, naked thanks to my sandals, stretched out to tickle her behind the knee.

For a second, she laughed, that gave me enough time to slip out from beneath her and use my legs to tie her up while my hands were free to stuff the nice and crispy fish down my throat.

"Jerk! Asshole! Selfish–"

She cut herself off. Our boat was starting to rock a little too much. One of the three fish that I stuffed in my mouth had already fallen out, so I quickly swallowed the other two whole before anything could happen to those ones too.

There was a whirlpool in front of us. We were gonna hit it soon.

I looked at Yamato.

"Hey. There's a whirlpool in front of us. We're gonna hit–"

"I can see that!" she yelled. "Grab onto something! Neither of us can–"

X

「A new quest has commenced!」

「[Act 1: Romance Dawn]

Due to unforeseen circumstances, you and Yamato have been separated! You should go find her before attempting to enter the Grand Line.」

「Unlocks: [Act 2: Paradise]

Completion Rewards: [?]」

「Begin now? [Yes/No]」

I felt dizzy enough once I opened my eyes. I really didn't need the mystery squares all up in my face to add to that.

I groaned and ignored what they said for now. I was too busy trying to not die.

The only thing stopping that from happening until now was the piece of driftwood snapped off from what probably used to be our boat. My limp body was hanging off of it while I drifted from wave to wave.

With all the strength I had left, I lifted myself out of the water and onto the plank. I took a bunch of deep breaths.

I looked at the mystery squares again.

"…"

I blinked.

"…"

I blinked a second time.

"…Hey! What the hell!? Yamato, get over here before–"

A big wave splashed me, and I had to hold onto the board under me extra tight before I had my strength sapped out of me and fell. I sputtered and tried my best to spit out any water that entered my mouth.

Damn it! Did Yamato seriously go get herself lost? How clumsy could she be? We just left the island, like, two seconds ago! What an awful way to…

My thought trailed off.

My head craned up. It looked like the thing that made that big wave was an even bigger ship, and it was right in front of me.

Lucky!

X

I landed on the top deck and immediately spun my head left and right.

The ship was very… ship-like, I'd say. Mhm. Very much like a ship.

There wasn't much to see here. No one was walking by, and nothing seemed particularly strange or out of place.

Obviously, the only thing to do was to walk around and hope to run into someone. Maybe Yamato was around here too? It would make sense if she was since as far as I knew, it was the only non-water place close by. If I were her, I'd have the same idea that I did.

"You! Where'd you come from?"

Hm?

I turned around and smiled. There was a pair of sailors, white and blue uniform and everything, chasing me down with pointed fingers.

"Hey, have you seen a really big lady?" I asked, and then thought of other parts of Yamato that I could use to describe her. "She's got this big, spiky club too if that helps."

One of the stretched-out fingers poked me in the chest. I blinked.

"None of that! You're a stowaway, aren't you?" one of them said, then started to look me up and down. How rude. "Don't bother answering that. I can tell. This vessel is hosting a high-class event for very important persons only! If you didn't pay or weren't invited to come, then you shouldn't be here. How did you sneak in? Were you here this whole time? Do you have a vessel nearby?"

I pouted instead of answering his question. Jeez. How stuffy.

The other sailor guy growled.

"Speak up properly, brat! Maybe we'll throw you overboard, otherwise!"

Oh?

I frowned, and my eyes narrowed.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."

My voice was even when I said it. I was being dead serious.

The two sailors took a few steps back and gulped.

"And… why's that?" one said slowly.

"Because I can't swim. I'll drown," I answered.

"You–"

"Anyway…" I started walking towards a door. Maybe Yamato was somewhere else. "Talk to you later. I'm busy."

"Wait!"

They tried to stop me –probably to ask more stupid questions– but I didn't have time for them right now. I jogged down a few sets of stairs, and suddenly, it was like I was somewhere else entirely.

The inside of this ship was fancy.

Like, "Goa" fancy.

Everything was shiny, and there were a bunch of people in stuffy-looking expensive clothes dancing around in the middle of a big room. Some guys with instruments were playing the music for everyone to dance to.

Tche. None of these rich "high class" people knew how to dance, though. All they did was shuffle around a bit, and the music was all slow and sleepy-like. Where was the excitement? Where was the fun?

Hm! I should just show them, then.

I walked to the middle of the room. Everyone was giving me strange looks, but that was okay. It was good that they were paying attention to me. They could learn better that way.

Ah. This music wouldn't do either, would it? I'd have to come up with something myself.

I took a deep breath.

"The islands in the south~ are warm~!" I sang at the top of my lungs. I jumped from one leg to another. My hands rose over my head and I clapped to the beat. I didn't really know what I was singing, but that wasn't what mattered.

The lame music guys stopped what they were doing. They must've been trying to learn from me too.

I improvised some more.

"Pine~apple! Pineapple, apple, apple, apple, apple–"

"Get him out of here!"

"That man is ill in the head!"

Hoh?

A bunch of sailor guys tried to tackle me, but they were pretty slow so it was easy to stay out of their way.

"Stand still!" one of them growled at me. Another one tried to grab me again.

Man. I accidentally started a whole commotion, huh? All eyes were on us now.

I laughed.

"Say, have any of you seen a tall lady with–hm?"

From the corner of my eye, I saw one of the stuffily-dressed people moving strangely. She was the only one who wasn't standing still. In fact, she was slowly inching towards the exit.

She had to walk past me and the sailor guys to get there, though. I could see her name and number-thingies when she got close enough.

「Nami, [The Cat Burglar] (LV33)」

"Cat burglar?" I repeated to myself out loud. Why would anyone want to rob cats? Did that mean taking stuff from cats, or actually taking the cats? Seemed pretty pointless either way.

She froze. There was a panicked look on her face.

Mm. Maybe I should ask her about Yamato. Couldn't hurt.

"Hey, wait up!" I called out to her.

Strange. She started running away.

I stopped messing around with the sailors and chased after her. She tried to be all sneaky-like, but I was too fast.

I cornered her in some random hallway. I didn't see anyone nearby. I grabbed her shoulder.

"No!" She shrieked as I turned her towards me. I tilted my head in confusion. What was she getting all antsy about?

I smiled toothily. Her scared face turned into an uneasy one.

"I'm looking for someone," I told her. "She's pretty big, s'got a big club and stuff. Have you seen someone like her around?"

"Uh… no?"

"Aw, shucks."

She narrowed her eyes.

"Who even are you? Why'd you chase after me?"

I heard noises from behind me before I could answer. I turned my head around.

"Those guys that've been annoying me will be here soon," I noted. Maybe it would be a good idea to get a move on.

My hand was still on the cat burglar lady's shoulder. I could feel her tense.

"H-hey!" she stuttered. "I'm gonna go now! Don't go saying anything about me being a burglar or anything, okay?"

I didn't let go. She looked like she was trying to get away from me, but I couldn't really tell.

"Aren't you, though?" I asked, hoping that she would make that clearer for me. The mystery squares were confusing sometimes.

She was panicking more and more. What was up with her?

"Look!" she shouted suddenly. "We can talk this out! How about this: we don't keep standing here, you help me get off this ship, and I'll give you a cut of– I'll help you find that lady you're looking for!"

My eyes sparkled.

"Wow! Really? That's so nice of you! Thanks a bunch, Nami!"

"Yeah, yeah, sure– huh? Did I tell you my– eek!"

I grabbed her by the waist, threw her over my shoulder, and ran.

"Put me down!" she yelled. I ignored her.

"Do you have a boat?" I asked.

"No! We'll just take one of the ones roped to the hull!"

I was on the top deck now. Without thinking ahead, I jumped overboard. The lady's screams grew louder.

In a single motion, I twisted my body in the air, found one of the tiny boats that she was talking about, streeeetched my arm out to grab it, and tore it right off the rope. Bits of the boat got a little messed up, but I didn't think that it was anything important.

I made sure that the boat hit the water first, then dropped the both of us on top of it. It was strong enough to take the heavy load without tipping over, thankfully.

Gently, I lowered the cat burglar onto one of the seat-looking parts.

Her mouth and eyes were wide open. I waved my hand in front of her face to see if she was okay.

That seemed to snap her out of it.

"What the hell was that!?" she screamed. I winced and stuck a pinky in my ear.

"Sheesh. What was what?"

"That!" she repeated uselessly.

I waited for her to say something that made sense.

"…That thing you did with your arm! Do I really have to spell it out for you!?"

She was getting pretty riled up. That's pretty bad for the heart, I think, so she should try to calm down a bit.

"I ate a devil fruit," I told her. "The Gomu Gomu no Mi turned me into a rubber man."

To drive it home. I grabbed my cheek and stretched it out pretty far. No normal person could do that.

Her face was white as a sheet.

"You're some sort of freak, aren't you?"

Well, that was one way to put it. I held my belly and snickered.

"Yep!"

I waited a bit for her to calm down. In the meantime, I unstrapped the oars from the side of the boat. We'd have to get moving, after all.

"We're going to the closest island," the lady said. Her tone was measured and even.

"Ah. Sure," I agreed. "Ya think I'll find any leads?"

"Probably," she agreed without really paying attention to what I was saying. That was fine, though. "You're going to need to steer us–" she paused, looked over her shoulder and thought about something. She pointed in some random direction. "–about fifteen degrees, starboard."

I narrowed my eyes. "Eh? Are you just making stuff up?"

She whipped her head back to glare at me. She seemed pretty offended.

"Of course not! I'm the best damn navigator you'll find in the East Blue, I'll have you know. My sense of direction is unmatched."

My eyes lit up.

"Seriously!? That's so cool! Join my crew!"

I caught her off guard.

"Uh– what? Crew?"

I nodded excitedly.

"Yeah! My pirate crew!"

「Your bond status with Nami has changed from [wary] to [disliked].」

Eh?

The lady's face suddenly wasn't as red anymore. In fact, her face wasn't really doing much of anything for a second. It took her a while, but eventually, she shot me a really big smile.

"Let's not talk about that right now," she chirped. "Just worry about finding land."

…What the heck just happened? Was it something I said?

X

I'd been rowing for a while. This whole time, I'd been staring at the strange shape in the distance.

The island was getting closer, but there was something pretty big out there too.

I squinted.

"Hm…"

Nami had her back to it, so she couldn't see what I was seeing.

"What's with you?" she asked.

I didn't answer for a moment. The strange shape was becoming a little clearer…

My eyes widened.

"Is that a ship?"

She looked over her shoulder.

It was definitely a ship –a funny-looking pink one, at that– but I wouldn't have been able to tell from so far away. Especially considering the condition it was in.

The mast was snapped in half. There was a big hole torn into the side of it. All in all, it looked like it would fall apart at any moment.

I rowed a little faster. I could make out the sight of people on the shore doing something with the ship. Guys were being dragged out of it by other guys in white uniforms. Marines?

Nami whistled.

"Unlucky. This world's a scary place, isn't it? I wonder what sort of natural disaster could've caused that."

I wonder.

We docked. Nami jumped out of the boat right away and tied it up. I followed her as she walked up to one of the marines dealing with the ship.

"Yahoo~" she called out, waving her arm over her head. It looked kinda silly if you asked me, but the marine guys seemed really captivated for some reason. "Hey, boys! What's going on over here?"

They looked at each other for a moment. Eventually, one of them spoke up.

"We found this stranded frigate on a patrol, so we hauled her back. I'd be careful coming 'round here, though, Missy. This thing's a pirate ship. We're already arresting everyone on board, but ya never know."

Nami was nodding sagely. I didn't really understand the guy's logic but Nami seemed smart so I copied her and nodded too.

Nami seemed like she was ready to turn around and go somewhere else. Wasn't she forgetting something?

I stepped forward.

"Hey, Funny Hat Guy."

The marine with the funny hat pointed to himself.

"You talkin' to me?"

"I'm looking for my friend. Have you seen a really~ big lady anywhere? She's got this spiky metal club with her– you can't miss it."

Before any of the marines could answer me, someone behind them shrieked. I leaned over a bit so that I could see past their shoulders.

Some kid with glasses was staring at me with his jaw hanging wide open. A marine was cuffing his wrists, but he wasn't really resisting.

"You're– you're her friend?" the kid repeated disbelievingly.

All the marines got really tense all of a sudden. The sketchy-looking guys that were being restrained by the marines were looking at me strangely too.

"Hey," the Funny Hat Guy muttered in a low tone. "Is that true? Are you a pirate?"

Nami's back straightened, and she got this really scared look on her face. What was up with her?

She started to say something.

"Hey, don't–"

"Yeah, that's right," I answered. "I'm a pirate."

Funny Hat Guy grit his teeth.

"Men! Arrest them!"

Huh?

X

The jail cell slammed shut with a loud "bang!", and honestly, I still didn't really understand what was going on.

Nami was here too, and so was the kid. They were both sitting in opposite corners of the tiny space with their knees drawn up to their faces.

They looked pretty down in the dumps for whatever reason.

"Hey. Pirate."

Hm?

Nami was glaring at me while patting down her clothes for whatever reason. She seemed pretty upset.

I blinked.

"Yeah?"

I must've done something wrong. She seemed even angrier now.

"You should've kept your mouth shut," she spat. "You and your little pirate friends can get arrested all you want, but keep me out of it!"

"E-eh?" the kid stuttered out. "You're not with him?"

"No!" Nami shouted. "I'm innocent! Totally innocent! And what about you?"

The kid recoiled and smacked his head against the wall behind him. It was kinda funny.

"Ouch– me? What about me?"

"There's no way that a wimp like you could be a pirate. What's your story?"

He groaned.

"...Yeah, you're right."

My head flipped back and forth between the two as they talked.

The kid had a far-off look in his eye.

"If it were up to me, I wouldn't have anything to do with pirates! I was stupid and stumbled onto one of their boats. They agreed to let me live as long as I did what they told me: I'm lucky that I'm a half-decent navigator."

I couldn't help but laugh.

"Man! You really are unlucky!"

Nami glared at me. I shut up.

"That sucks," she said. Her eyes were warm. "Did you try talking to the marines?"

The kid shook his head.

"I did. They didn't want to hear it."

"So… what happened to that ship anyway?"

My question must have seemed sudden to them. It took the kid a moment to realize that he was the one I was asking.

"I–uh… it…"

He looked scared again. Man, what a weakling. This kid was really annoying.

"Spit it out."

"Have some tact!" Nami shouted at me, but I wasn't paying attention to her right now.

"It was a monster!" he said.

A monster?

Nami seemed surprised too.

"I was hiding below deck the whole time, so I didn't really see it, but… it took out the whole crew instantly! Even the captain couldn't do anything. Before I knew what was going on, our ship was totalled and the monster was gone. The marines came right after."

Ah. So he didn't know, then. He could've just said that. Moving on…

"The tall lady with the club," I started again. "You know her, right? You reacted when I mentioned her."

The kid hesitated, then whispered, "You're really her 'friend', huh? Someone as awful as her?"

I tilted my head and thought about it. Yamato wasn't that bad, was she? Sure, she got on my nerves sometimes, and she tried to go fishing without me once, but…

"I dunno. I think she's nice."

He laughed nervously.

"Man. You and I live in totally different worlds huh?"

"I guess. So do you know or not?"

He shook his head.

"Sorry. She'd definitely be somewhere on this marine base, but other than that–"

"Why didn't you just say so!?"

I jumped to my feet, making the other two freeze up. I walked up to the bars, moved them out of the way, and–

"Hey hey hey hey hey!"

I flipped my head over my shoulder.

"Something wrong?" I asked.

Nami and the kid had their jaws hanging on the ground. They looked pretty bug-eyed too.

"Hell yeah, there is!" Nami screamed. "You just did something pretty insane, you know!"

Did I?

Huh.

I started walking. I heard Nami's and the kid's footsteps behind me.

Nami grabbed my shoulder.

"Now hold on!" she whispered angrily. "This is all just one big mistake! You might be a pirate, but he and I have nothing to do with this! Breaking out will just make everything worse! Don't you know that I can probably talk my way out of this lickety-split? Don't make us suffer the consequences of your own stupidity!"

Made sense to me.

"Stay here, then."

She recoiled.

"I–uh…"

Nami and the kid looked at each other cautiously.

I pulled away and kept walking. They followed me.

"Uh-uhm, Mister Pirate," the kid said, trying to draw my attention. "What's your plan, exactly?"

"My plan?"

"To get out of the military base, I mean. Will the rest of your crew be coming to, uh…"

He trailed off. Seriously, couldn't this guy just phrase things simply? Stop trying to make me guess what you're thinking.

"It's just me here right now," I answered. "I'm looking for more crew members, though."

"Hold on," piped up the kid, "aren't you–"

I stopped walking, and everyone behind me stopped walking too.

A pair of marine guys were patrolling the halls. They were about to walk past the walls blocking their view of us.

"Quit moving for a second," Nami whispered into my ear. "Hopefully they'll step right by us without noticing anything."

I stepped out in front of the marines.

"Hey. You guys have a big mace lady here, right?"

Their eyes bulged.

"You idiot~" Nami babbled. I looked at her to find her and the kid crying on their knees. They sure were dramatic, huh?

「Seaman First Class (LV18)

HP:999/1 001」

「Seaman Recruit (LV12)

HP:717/720」

The two had their guns pointed at me. They were both trembling.

"…Please?" I tried.

They fired. I heard someone scream behind me. The kid, maybe?

None of the bullets hit me, obviously. I stepped up, grabbed their guns and squeezed the barrels shut.

There.

"W-what do you want!?" Recruit Guy whimpered. He fell on his butt.

I pouted.

"I told you already!"

Yamato was right. It was annoying after a while when people didn't listen to you.

The older guy gnashed his teeth together.

"T-the marines do not negotiate with pirates!"

I turned to give Nami and the kid a look that meant something along the lines of "Get a load of this guy" before returning my attention to the marines.

"C'mon. My friend's staying here too, right?"

Recruit Guy narrowed his eyes.

"We won't tell you–"

I walked past them.

There were a bunch of cells here. It was weird to think that Yamato would be in a cell, but that's what these guys were saying.

I walked up to the first one and stuck my head through the bars.

"Yamato?"

I looked left and right. Just a bunch of ugly pirate dudes.

Nope.

On to the next one.

"Yamato?"

Nope.

Next one.

"Yama–"

"Koby…!"

"Eek!"

My head was halfway through another set of bars when I heard something going on behind me.

The kid was trembling, pushed up against a wall. His eyes were stuck on something going on in one of the cells that I couldn't see. Nami was giving him a worried look.

"M-Mister Pirate," he started. "I think I found–"

I didn't let him finish.

"Yamato!" I shouted excitedly. A wide grin was splitting my face as I ran up to–

Silence.

Some ugly hag in a funny hat was glaring at me. I stared back at her blank-faced.

"Who're you?" I asked.

"Who the hell are you!?" she shouted back.

I looked at the kid.

"Hey. This isn't who I was looking for."

The kid blinked.

Nami blinked.

"Aw, man!" I moaned, burying my face in my hands. "I got it all mixed up…"

"Eh!? You mean you weren't looking for Lady Alvida?"

The kid's question got me thinking. Lady Alvida? Who was that?

I looked back at the old hag.

Then to the kid.

"Are you an idiot or something?"

"Wha–!?"

Nami hit me on top of the head.

"Forget that! Let's just leave this place, okay?"

I rubbed my abused scalp and sniffled.

She seemed antsy. Meanie.

"Yeah, yeah…"

The ugly hag was screaming something or other as we left. I wasn't really listening though.

X

"Watch it!"

We were in the courtyard. Nami's hand shot out and stopped the kid and me from moving.

I looked around, trying to see what it was that set her off. We hadn't run into any other marines on our way out, which was pretty suspicious…

Oh?

There was a guy in the middle of the courtyard. No one else was around other than him.

He looked like crap. He was tied to some sort of cross, and it didn't look like he'd be going anywhere any time soon.

The kid gasped.

"That's… Roronoa Zoro, the Pirate Hunter!"

Pirate hunter?

My eyes rolled to the side to find Nami. She seemed to recognize the name too. Her brows were knitted together and her fist rose to touch her chin.

"What's he doing being held at a marine base?" she asked. "He's a bounty hunter, not a criminal. Did he do something illegal?"

"So…" I started. "Who is this guy anyway?"

They both looked at me like I grew a second head.

"Seriously!?" the kid whisper-screamed. "He's one of the most feared men in the East Blue! They say that his swordsmanship is so vicious that he's more like a beast than a man…"

Hoh?

I smiled.

Cool. Super cool. That sounded really, really cool.

If he was a nice guy, then I'd ask him to join my crew for sure.

"Oi!" I yelled, trying to get his attention. Once he tilted his head to glare at me, I ran up to him. I pretended not to notice Nami and the kid screaming and pulling on my arm to try to keep me away. "Join my crew!"

His eyes widened, and his glare slowly turned into a look of sheer disbelief.

I craned my neck over my shoulder. My arms were stretched all the way back to where Nami and the kid were standing, and they were staring at the body parts they were holding like they were something super scary.

I looked back at the bounty hunter guy.

"Right. You can ignore that. Just answer my question," I told him.

"How the hell am I supposed to ignore that, you weirdo!?" he shouted.

I laughed.

「You have asked [Roronoa Zoro] to join your crew!」

Oh?

「Charisma Check:

…

Pass!」

「Infamy Check:

…

- -」

「Notice: A bounty is needed for your Infamy to be effective! Recruitment will be story-limited until a bounty is acquired.」

… I didn't really get most of that, but it was pretty clear that the mystery box was being stupid again.

Harrumph.