Captain: Hello lovelies! Many commented on NRFTW that they'd enjoy seeing these holiday one-shots as I wrote them, so in the spirit of the spooky season, here is one for Halloween! I was originally going to wait for October 1st but my fall is insanely busy so I figured I'd get it up a bit early. While these one-shots are canon to the NRFTW universe, they won't be referenced to in the main fic. We're not here to be taken seriously!
Got a favorite holiday (or celebration, doesn't have to be a holiday!) you'd like to see these goobers experience? Let me know! I have several ideas but am definitely open to more! :D
"Hey, Prowl, what's the date?" Darcy asked absently, scratching her signature at the bottom of the report she'd just been absorbed in completing. A rather healthy stack took up a haphazard mess on her desk and the crick in her neck told her she'd probably had her head buried in them for too long.
The Autobot tactician didn't even blink away from his own stack of datapads as he tossed out the answer, not for the first time today and probably not for the last. He'd threatened more than once to get her calendar and she'd told him where she'd hang it if he did. "October 30th."
"Thanks," She scribbled the date down in the appropriate spots, tossing the finished report onto the stack and leaning back, pushing the chair up onto two legs and rolling her neck with a groan.
"There appears to be an increase in nuisance crime the last few weeks," Prowl commented after a pause, setting his own pad down.
Darcy dragged a hand over her face, her eyes slow to adjust to seeing beyond a foot. "Yeah, Halloween always makes people crazy, especially teenagers and college kids."
"I see." She briefly wondered if he really did or if he was just falling back on his standard answer when he didn't get it but didn't particularly care to. Her lips pulled into a grin. If only the base got trick-or-treaters. She'd love to see his reaction to all of the costumes kids came up with.
Huh, maybe she should con him into doing a trunk-or-treat. Definitely would need Jazz's help for that, perhaps even Prime's. Sideswipe would probably get a kick out of doing it too.
The chair's front legs slammed back to the ground as Darcy jolted forward, slapping her hands against the tabletop. "It's the 30th!"
Prowl raised an optic ridge in her direction. "As I said."
"We need pumpkins!"
"We need….what?" She could practically hear his battle processor kicking into gear, wondering how a squash was somehow imminently necessary.
"Pumpkins!" she unhelpfully repeated, launching to her feet and hustling towards the door. Prowl did not move, only continued to stare at her like she'd lost her head. She waved a hand at him. "Bah, I'll find Jazz. He'll understand."
She could feel the tactician's optics boring into her back until she stepped out of view and half expected Ratchet to intercept her for a medical scan. He didn't and by sheer luck, she found the saboteur lounging in the rec room with the frontliner twins.
"Jazz, I need your help!" He inclined his head in her direction, gesturing for her to continue. The twins glanced at her and she pursed her lips up at the cherry red brother. "You too, Sides, I'm sure you'll get a kick out of it."
His attention immediately perked up while Sunstreaker rolled his optics and huffed. "But not me?"
The detective raised a brow at the yellow Autobot, lips twitching. "It involves pumpkin guts."
The optics of all three dimmed for a flash, Jazz barking a laugh as Sunstreaker curled his lip. "I'll pass."
Yeah, that's what she thought.
"Need a ride, then, Baby Girl?" Jazz asked, shifting off the oversized couch.
"If it's not too much trouble and we can get you a pumpkin to carve too," she offered innocently, but it fooled no one. Jazz's visor brightened and his grin widened.
"You wan' ta try ta get Prowler ta carve one too, don' ya?" Somehow the mech always knew when someone had ulterior motives. Hiding anything from him was like trying to hide peanut butter from a dog.
Her not-so-innocent grin was all the answer she gave. Sideswipe lurched to his tires. "Oh pit yeah, count me in!"
Jazz chuckled, dropping smoothly down into his alt mode and propping his passenger door open. "Then let's get crackin'!"
Spurred into a childlike excitement, Darcy dove in, laughing as the Porsche gunned it and fishtailed his way down the hall. Sideswipe quickly followed suit, his red rear coming dangerously close to Jazz's side as they jostled for the lead in an otherwise narrow hallway. Darcy reprimandedly flicked the dash, which accomplished all of nothing as the two rocketed out of the hangar bay doors and out onto the open road.
"So where are we gonna find pumpkins anyway?" Sideswipe's voice buzzed through Jazz's radio.
"Most supermarkets and country supply stores will have them this time of year." She shrugged, not particularly caring where they got the gourds, just that they did.
"That sounds boring. What about a...patch!"
Darcy snorted, "Good luck finding one around here. This isn't exactly the climate for pumpkins."
"There's one 137 miles from here. We could make it in 45 minutes."
"No. Absolutely not. Remember rule one of the road? Obey the speed limits. And we don't need to go that far for pumpkins." Even if it did sound temptingly fun. No, this didn't need to turn into an all-day thing. This was about carving pumpkins, not the search for the perfect one.
"Aww, come on Darce, I want a genuine experience! It even has a corn maze!" Sideswipe whined.
She hesitated. When was the last time she'd been through a corn maze? Her first year partnered with John, if she remembered right. They'd gone with his wife and her then-boyfriend. Shaking her head, she pushed that particular memory right back in the box it'd come out from.
"Well…" It would be fun to make new memories and the very thought of going filled her with childhood nostalgia.
"We won' speed ta get there….much," Jazz offered and she could hear the grin in his voice.
Her lips twitched. Hardly a hard sell, but she had a trump card that wasn't going to make it easy for them.
"Fine, we can go to the pumpkin patch and the corn maze, if," she cut off their premature celebration, fighting the urge to smirk and failing, "you can convince Prowl to come."
Both Autobots fell silent, the only sound their roaring engines as they cruised down the highway at a speed that was definitely over the set limit.
"Done," Jazz finally replied after a long minute, his voice as chipper as always.
Darcy raised her brows, crossing her arms over her chest as she challenged the saboteur. "And just how do you plan to get him all the way there?"
"Done!" Sideswipe answered back, his glee apparent in the way the lamborghini bounced back and forth in his lane.
The detective narrowed her eyes out the window. "What do you mean, done?"
"We've met ya terms, Darce." Jazz was definitely enjoying her confusion too much.
"You….convinced Prowl to come along?" No way, there was no possible way. Sure it wasn't impossible to pull him away from the base every now and then for an important errand or a mental break, but this was….well neither essential nor close by.
"I'm a little insulted you doubted us so much, darlin', but yes, Prowler is coming." Sideswipe pushed into Jazz's space, squeezing past a semi with hardly an inch to spare. Darcy glared at the bots so obviously not obeying basic traffic laws.
"How?"
"Hardly importan'!" Jazz chirped, rolling to the shoulder to ease around a minivan.
"What's important is that we keep ahead of him until we get there." Darcy whipped towards the lamborghini, eyes widening as the pace increased.
"What the hell does that mean?"
"It means we're all going to the pumpkin patch!" the lambo whooped, wiggling his rear end at Jazz's bumper.
Darcy glanced in Jazz's rearview, swore, and twisted around to take a better look. Oh yeah, there in the distance flashing red and blue lights, gaining fast. Whether it was Prowl or state patrol hardly mattered. "He's going to boot you both."
"He's gotta catch us first!" Sideswipe sniggered.
"I have the utmost faith in his ability to outmaneuver you. And I'll help him find the cheapest tow company around to haul you back."
"She's been around Prowl too long, she's developing his twisted sense of humor." The concern from the frontliner was clearly fake which made her only more determined to follow through with her threat if the opportunity arose.
Jazz vented, blasting air across her face. "I think we have ourselves ta blame for 'er expandin' creativity. Our padawan is learnin'."
Darcy rolled her eyes skyward, honestly it was a miracle she kept her sanity with these two being around. "You'll see just how much I've learned if you don't slow down."
The police cruiser steadily gained ground, growing in size in the mirror, close enough now to recognize the grill of a Dodge Charger: definitely Prowl.
"Tsk, no can do, Baby Girl. It'll spoil the fun if 'e catches us before we ge' there!" Porsche and Lamborghini roared as they surged forward, expanding the space between them and the tactician without actually losing him.
One hundred and thirty-seven miles passed in a blur and too short an amount of time. Prowl stayed behind the whole way, lights and sirens rolling despite being unable to close that final quarter mile between them. Only when the speeders left the interstate did they finally slow to a respectable speed. Prowl closed the gap until there was barely an inch between his grill and Jazz's bumper.
Now she was really curious what the two had said to get him to come flying out of the base like that. But Jazz wasn't going to reveal that until he wanted to, nor was he sharing whatever communication might have been going on with the tactician.
Reaching the pumpkin patch and corn maze, they discovered a large set up fairly populated with families and couples alike. Given the late afternoon hour, dispersals were beginning to outnumber arrivals, but there were still a few hours of business and daylight left. The three Autobots parked together, their three stupidly handsome holoforms stepping out of the driver's seats to the stares of more than just a few.
Darcy rolled her eyes as she climbed out, not bothering to hide her laugh when Prowl promptly slapped Jazz and Sideswipe upside the head while wearing the trademarked Karl Urban scowl. They yelped, ducking too late while rubbing their abused faux skulls.
"Are you alright, Detective?" His blue eyes bore into her, looking her over as if searching for injury.
Just what the hell did the two say? "Yeah I'm fine, plotting revenge, but fine."
His chin dipped in acknowledgement, irritation flashing over his face as he reached over and repeated the double headslaps. "You both will report for disciplinary action upon our return. Detective."
He gestured to his real body, offering her a sane ride back.
Sorry Prowl, she wasn't about to waste the trip and the fact that he was out here. Linking her arm through his, she turned him towards the open patch and massive corn maze before them. "Make them sweat about their punishment while you help me find the perfect pumpkin. Come on, it'll be a great human experience for all of you."
He raised his brows but allowed her to steer him towards the fields without resistance. "I hardly understand the standards of a perfect pumpkin."
She chuckled, leaning into him as a family passed with a fully loaded wheelbarrow. "There are no standards, that's the fun of it."
His dry look indicated he hardly expected the task to be 'fun', but he put up no fuss as she gave the attendant the cash to cover their entry to the maze. The briefest look at the map revealed it to be a proper maze. Only one way out and so many false trails.
"I thought you wished to retrieve a proper gourd?"
"After the maze. We're getting the full experience today. Besides, we could all use a few hours away from the base."
"Let's make a bet of it," Jazz tossed in with a wink, slinging an arm around Sideswipe's shoulders. "Split up, firs' team ta make it out wins."
"Stakes?" Prowl stiffened for a moment before relaxing again, evidently deciding to just let this one play out.
"We win, we get a get-out-of-jail free card to be used at a moment of our discretion," Sideswipe offered gleefully. "We lose, we'll….obey all speed laws for an entire month."
"Two months," Darcy countered.
"You stay five miles under all speed limits and attend all meetings during those two months," Prowl added, a brow arched in blatant challenge.
"No accessing satellites or looking at maps, we do this the old fashion way." Darcy met Jazz's gaze hard. Sideswipe she wouldn't trust not to cheat with such stakes, but Jazz she counted on to keep him honest.
The two Autobots exchanged glances before nodding in unison. "Deal."
And like a bullet they were off, diving into the corn maze and quickly disappearing from sight. Darcy laughed as they followed at a much more relaxed pace.
Much more, if anything she'd call the pace Prowl set a leisurely stroll. She raised a brow up at him, picking a turn at random. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you didn't care if we won this bet."
Amusement danced across his eyes as he looked down at the woman on his arm. "They'll obey your speed laws if I have to have Ratchet install speed locks, but meetings are generally less productive when they are unnecessarily present."
The other brow joined the first in reaching for her hairline. "And the get-out-of-jail-free card?"
"They will both use it on a prank within the week. Soldier morale gets lifted while they believe they get away with it on the merit of their cunning." They came to another fork in the path, the tactician offering no preference to one way or the other. Darcy glanced at the light mud, checking which had footprints coming back overtop the others. She led them down the other, squinting up at Prowl.
"Are you letting yourself be a prank victim for morale?" Was he feeling alright? Should she call Ratchet?
"Of course not," Prowl stated plainly, raising a brow as if asking if she thought he was foolish. "Liaison Galloway will be making a visit for several days the day after tomorrow. A fact that shall be highlighted in their upcoming schedule notice so that they understand the highest standard of conduct is expected of them during that period."
Darcy stared up at him for several seconds before tipping her head back laughing. Let it not be said that Prowl didn't know how to play the game; he was a damn master at it.
"Tell me something, Detective," he started after several minutes of comfortable silence as they backtracked to take a different path. "What is the purpose of such a maze?"
She chuckled, lightly shaking her head. "They have no purpose other than to be fun, something to do to let kids burn off energy and for adults it becomes nostalgic."
He cocked his head slightly. "You did this often as a child?"
"Oh yeah," she nodded, a smile pulling at her lips as the memories flooded forward. "Every year we'd make a whole day of picking out our pumpkins. The maze, cocoa, walking the entire patch to find just the right one, blasting Halloween music while carving, it was a tradition. Doing this just...makes it feel like Halloween and fall, more than the calendar or cold weather could hope to."
He regarded her in that peculiar way he sometimes did, as if he was attempting to figure her all out and she'd just handed him another puzzle piece to fit into what he'd already worked together. She paid no attention to it, tucking her free hand around his arm as well. For being a holoform, he put off heat like any flesh-and-blood man would.
Still in no hurry, they strolled the corn maze without making too much effort to determine the correct path. By the time they made it to the exit, Jazz was leisurely leaning against a sign with a wide, victorious grin plastered on his face.
More than one woman attempted to steal a subtle picture of the Shemar Moore look-alike, a fact Darcy was certain the saboteur was aware of.
Speaking of show offs, "Where's Sideswipe?"
Cold metal struck the back of her knees, taking her legs out from under her and ripping her grip away from Prowl as she crashed into the bucket of a wheelbarrow. The missing holoform leaned over with a gleeful smile as he trucked her away from the maze and towards the pumpkin patch. "Victory is ours!"
"Yeah, yeah, deal's a deal, but you're still going to slow down or I'm going to boot you." She reached over her head, poking him sharply in the ribs.
"Kinky." He flashed her a ridiculous wink and the poke turned into a backhanded smack.
"Jazz, muzzle your dog, please, for all our sake." She shook her head, sometimes wishing there was a way to limit their access to the internet.
"Hey!" Sideswipe protested with a pout, "I'm not a dog, Hound's the hound!"
She swore even Prowl rolled his eyes skyward.
"Ooh, go over there, I see some promising ones!" Darcy pointed towards a corner of the field that lacked any other humans, most likely for the reason of its distance from the parking lot, but that appeared to host a number of large gourds. As long as the frontliner didn't crash the wheelbarrow, she was content to let him give her a ride.
She stayed firmly ready to bail if need be, she could only trust him so much.
"As you wish." He winked, turning the barrow towards the corner she'd indicated.
His smirk was way too big to be innocent. She narrowed her eyes up at him. "Have you been watching Princess Bride?"
He scoffed, "Inconceivable."
Her look passed to the tactician, brows raised. "I think his TV access should be monitored and limited."
"Noted."
"Limited?" Sideswipe gaped at Jazz, who only shook his head, unable to suppress his grin. "I think your wheelbarrow time is limited."
The singular tire promptly struck a deep rut, tipping and dumping Darcy unceremoniously out of the bucket. She would have come to personally know the muddy ground had Prowl not latched onto her arm and jerked her upright.
Pursing her lips, she pat his arm in thanks while nodding to herself. "Driver's ed. Yeah, we should sign him up for Driver's ed too."
Prowl raised a brow, neither looking towards the sputtering Autobot. "As a student or as the practice vehicle?"
She met his gaze, fighting hard to suppress a grin. "Both?"
Prowl tipped his chin. "Both it is."
"What?!" Sideswipe flapped his arms about to bring their attention back to him. "That's….but...no!"
Jazz could barely hold himself upright as he lost himself in laughter, clutching his stomach while slapping the frontliner on the back. "Face it, Sides', ain' no more dangerous plotters than these two tag teamin'."
A growl came from the holoform before he tossed his hands up in conceded defeat. "Alright, I surrender! Psychopaths, the both of you."
Darcy blew him a kiss before finally turning her attention to the pumpkins that surrounded them
The corn maze winners dove into selecting the right one with a fervor, tossing aside any they deemed too small or too round or too flat or just not the right shape for the image they wanted to carve into it. Darcy laughed as much at their antics as at the confused and pained expression Prowl wore during the entire thing. He resolutely did not join in in choosing one for himself, so the detective picked one out and slipped it into the wheelbarrow while he was occupied watching Jazz attempt to explain the importance of the sound a pumpkin made when knocking on it to its selection.
"I still do not see what need you had of my assistance in this matter," Prowl stated as they started back, Jazz now in charge of the loaded wheelbarrow.
Darcy rolled her eyes in amused exasperation. "Memories, Prowl, if I was going to make new Halloween memories, I wanted you to be a part of them. Besides, I didn't want to be stuck with these two without backup."
She tossed said troublemakers a playful wink while they sputtered in faux offense
"I...see." Somehow she doubted that. Despite his ability to be a giant pain in the ass, he could make decent company, a fact that probably wouldn't have even crossed that logic-driven processor of his. "You have an extra."
He blinked down at the wheelbarrow as if just now noticing that there were four pumpkins instead of three.
"Full human experience. Don't you think for a second you're getting out of carving one of these with us." Darcy flicked his side in spite of the ineffectiveness of the motion.
Prowl met her look as if silently asking if she was serious. She stared right back, brows raised and daring him to fight her on it. The long suffering sigh he released she took as a victory.
Paying for the gourds went uneventful other than multiple attempts of others to sneak pictures of the holoforms. While Prowl turned his back to those cameras, Sideswipe and Jazz ate it up, reaching unnecessarily slow and flexing. Hams, the pair of them.
Loading the pumpkins into Prowl's trunk-where they were least likely to get tossed around on the drive back-Darcy almost regretted that it was time to head back to the base. It felt so nice to be away and out in the crisp, cool, fall day. But darkness had claimed the horizon and was falling over them, there wasn't much left to be done but go back and carve into the pumpkins.
Salvation came in the form of another corn field, a growing line, and a sign she'd somehow missed before.
Gasping sharply, her hands lashed out to grip tightly to Prowl and Jazz's arms. Releasing the saboteur, she pointed at the sign, eyes dancing in excitement. "We have to!"
Jazz followed her gaze, a devilish grin sweeping over his lips the moment he saw it. "I have ta agree with ya, there. Sides?"
Sideswipe was already nodding, an equally wide grin on his face.
Karl Urban holoform and police Charger sighed in tandem, but gestured for Darcy to lead the way anyway.
Determined not to let Prowl dissipate the holo before experiencing what lay before them, Darcy latched onto his arm and dragged him towards the building back up.
A horseman with a jack-o-lantern head met them as they took their place in line, Prowl raising a brow at the actor while the other two stole her phone to take a picture with him.
"Come one, come all, if you dare. Beware you who enter here, you might just...lose your heads!" The Headless Horseman cackled, the lights behind the jack-o-lantern eyes flashing in time with it.
"I haven't done one of these since I was in high school," Darcy mused fondly as the actor left them to greet more newcomers. Full darkness was almost upon them, the gates would open soon.
Prowl furrowed his brow at the creatively decorated sign advertising the 'Field of Screams'. "The intent is to be...purposefully frightened?"
"Yup." She popped the 'p' as a chainsaw revved somewhere out in the corn. "A harmless but complete terror in the name of the spooky season. A way for most people to get an adrenaline rush without ever really being in danger."
His head cocked slightly to one side and the confusion was almost adorable. "If they know there is no danger, how are their fight or flight systems activated?"
"Jump scares mostly, the costumes help." Sideswipe and Jazz were talking quietly to each other, making gestures that resembled that of negotiating terms of a bet. Darcy narrowed her eyes suspiciously at them. If one was not directly involved in the creation of a scheme, one should expect they would be involved in it one way or another.
Prowl turned to regard the Headless Horseman again as he passed up the line, offering warnings of entering and to mind that they keep their heads. "A man with a fruit for a head is frightening?"
Darcy nearly facepalmed, addressing the other two Autobots as they came to an agreement and shook on it. "You two have utterly failed in educating him in pop culture."
"You try getting him to sit through a scary movie marathon," Sideswipe scoffed, as if he'd tried to do such a thing in the past. The detective didn't put it past him to have attempted and failed at such.
"I'll put it on the list."
Prowl gave her a dry and unimpressed look, which only prompted Darcy to add a certain parody horror flick to the list.
"At leas' we know who's goin' first," Jazz chuckled, playfully slapping Prowl's back as the line began to trickle forward.
Darcy felt a little sorry for the actors who were going to be disappointed in not getting a reaction from one of their victims.
"Last chanceeee, turn back now while you still caaaannnn," a ghostly woman stopped them at the gate, creating space between them and the group before them.
Prowl's head tipped. "If there is no true threat here and we have already paid, why would we then not continue forward?"
Sideswipe groaned while Darcy pat the tactician's arm and the ghostly woman struggled to maintain character while also coming up with an appropriately spooky answer. "Many enter the maze, few return. Enter only if you wish to meet death."
She stepped out of the way, gesturing for them to move on before stopping the ones behind them. Jazz chuckled, linking an arm through Darcy's. "It's a bit, Prowler, sellin' the show and gettin' ya inta it."
"I see."
As if to punctuate his statement, screams echoed through the corn from somewhere up ahead. Strategically placed fog machines kept a fairly consistent layer of mist clinging to the ground around their feet while soft orange lights hanging from the barbed wire overhead barely lit the way.
Darcy's grip on the two mech's arms tightened the longer they walked without contact. She knew it was coming.
And still screamed when the first zombie jumped out of the corn. Jazz clutched her arm harder while Sideswipe sent himself into Prowl's arms like he was a detective dog in a cartoon. The tactician caught him, but even the poor lighting couldn't hide the flat stare he was giving the frontliner as he then promptly dropped him.
The zombie swiped at them, unable to reach due to the 'chain' staked into the ground holding him in place.
Prowl's inability to so much as flinch at the following werewolf and demon earned him the place of right in front. Behind him, Darcy walked between Sideswipe and Jazz, the three holding a hard grip on each other despite laughing between scares.
Were their screams and frantic clinging to each other overly dramatic? Absolutely. Was it the most fun she'd had in ages? Definitely. Her sides hurt as much as her throat and she didn't care.
"Here kitty, kitty!" A deranged woman with a butcher knife in hand called to them as she advanced on them, the bodies of her family draped on a bloody wall.
"Meow!" Sideswipe shot back, holding Darcy firmly in front of him as he backed away.
She could only let him control her movements and hope he wouldn't let go and abandon her, as she was completely blinded by the tears of mirth cascading down her face.
"Meow? Meow?" She forced out between laughs once they reached the relative safety of a corner.
"I panicked!" He attempted to defend with poorly contained humor.
"And your first instinct is to meow and sacrifice me?"
"This was your idea so….yes."
Darcy huffed, playfully shoving Sideswipe around the next corner while staying safely behind Prowl.
"Really, Detective?" The tactician glanced over his shoulder as she fisted her hands in the back of his suit jacket.
"What?" she asked innocently, peeking around his arm as Sideswipe jumped back and shoved Jazz ahead.
Rounding the bend revealed nothing, only a long straight shot out of the haunted corn field lit by nothing but the limited moon overhead.
Sideswipe and Jazz visibly relaxed, Darcy glanced at the shadows suspiciously. Too long of a straight shot, too easy to be let out so quietly.
The smell of gas hit her nose less than a second before a chainsaw roared to life directly behind them, a clown holding the buzzing blades high overhead. Darcy screamed. Sideswipe screamed. Jazz yelped. Prowl blinked once.
Three of the four bolted for the exit, abandoning the tactician to whatever fate awaited him.
Heart pounding in her ears and breathless, Darcy bent over and leaned against a panting Jazz outside the exit. A giddy laugh worked its way up her throat, stealing what little air she had and growing as Prowl leisurely walked out of the corn, the chainsaw-wielding clown having given up on chasing him and retreating to his hiding spot to await the next group.
"That was awesome," Sideswipe panted from his place sprawled on the ground. "Can we go again?"
Not even the darkness could hide the immediate drop of Prowl's brow into a scowl. Darcy straightened with a smiling shake of her head, offering a hand to the downed frontliner. "I think we've tortured Prowl enough for one day, we've still got pumpkins to carve, remember?"
His eyes lit up, nearly glowing a little too bright. Taking her hand, he yanked himself up, nearly pulling her down in the process. "Of course! Pumpkin guts! Let's go!"
The frontliner practically skipped back towards his real body while Darcy glanced between the remaining two mechs. "How is it he's millions of years old, a lethal warrior, and still a five year old?"
Jazz snorted as they followed, but it was Prowl who replied, "I try not to ask myself that very question."
"What are the odds he follows speed limits on the way back?" she asked as the cherry red lambo grew tired of waiting for them and peeled out of the parking lot.
"Slim ta none." Jazz chuckled, lightly shaking his head before giving Darcy a two-fingered salute. "I'll keep 'im ta a reasonable pace."
The holoform dissipated and Jazz peeled out, throwing gravel as he went. Darcy sighed. "And what are the odds his reasonable pace is actually reasonable?"
"Less than three percent." He tipped his head at his open passenger door, the lightbar on his roof flashing once. "Shall we tip the scales?"
"No sharp turns to smash the pumpkins in your trunk." She wagged her finger at him in warning as she climbed in.
"Your gourds will arrive safely," he sighed, going through the motion of having his holo enter through the driver door before letting it fizzle out and pulling onto the road, lights rolling.
The later hour left the interstate blessedly clearer than earlier, making the locating of their wayward Autobots that much easier. Not that the two really let Prowl catch up nicely. Oh no, they stepped on the gas, only letting off to let him come close to their bumper before accelerating again.
Prowl kept his pace steady despite the teasing and obvious goading, it hardly fluctuated even a single degree. Yet in order to taunt him, the other two had to slow down again and again, only truly speeding for short increments to gain distance. Darcy chuckled to herself. No one could say the tactician didn't know his own Autobots, not when he'd figured out how to play them into letting him be the pace car while behind them.
And it worked, all the way back to the base.
"Do you ever use those kinds of tricks on me?" Darcy asked as they pulled in, eyeing the dash.
"Of course not, Detective," he replied too easily.
Well, wasn't that a great big pile of bull. She'd have to keep a lookout for such tricks.
Swinging by the kitchen to steal some knives, spoons, and bowls, she met the Autobots in the rec room, where they'd pushed aside the Cybertronian-sized couch to lay out a table, all four pumpkins laid out on it.
Sideswipe stood to his full height, sword tip hovering over the top of his pumpkin.
"Ah, ah!" Darcy waved the kitchen knife, "No weapons or I'm throwing pumpkin guts into your gears."
"You wouldn't." Sideswipe narrowed his optics, but retracted the sword.
"Try me." She met his stare head on, brow raised.
He looked sorely tempted to do as such, but ultimately valued not having to pick pieces of pumpkin out of his plating.
The three Autobots dropped back into their alt modes, holoforms appearing before their grills. Darcy hid her smirk, suspecting that the change had more to do with sealing off their gears than the ease at running their holos.
Prowl, to no surprise to anyone, set to work on his pumpkin with as much enthusiasm as he handled requisition forms. Every move was methodical and calculated.
Sideswipe and Jazz attacked their gourds with excitement, flying through gutting them while verbally plotting what they were going to carve (and how it was going to be so much better than the others).
Darcy savored each moment, even the slimy feel of the pumpkin innards squeezing between her fingers. She hadn't even decided what she wanted to carve yet.
Of course the Autobots finished first, but Darcy demanded they could not show them to each other until hers was done too. Sideswipe and Jazz quickly devolved to entertaining themselves with flicking small pieces of pumpkin at each other, playfully arguing over who had instigated it (for once, neither wanted to confess).
As Darcy smoothed out the edge of her last cut, wayward pumpkin gut smacked her forehead. She raised an accusing brow at the frontliner, who immediately pointed at Jazz.
The saboteur wasn't confessing either, so Darcy picked off the offending innards, scooped a bit out of the discard bowl, and hurled it at both of them. Her aim was true and their attention immediately shot to her, their fight between themselves forgotten.
"Oh so that is how it is going to be?" Sideswipe huffed, scraping the hunk that was stuck to his chest.
In a fit of false bravado, Darcy sniffed, moving her pumpkin to the side. "Indeed it is. What are you gonna do about it?"
Famous last words.
Sideswipe and Jazz both answered by digging their hands deep into the gut bowls, pulling up massive wads of pumpkin innards.
Darcy squeaked, diving behind Prowl before they could launch their attacks.
"That's cheatin', Babeh Girl," Jazz huffed, moving around the left of the table. Sideswipe turned to come around the right side. Her safety barrier of Prowl's holoform was about to disappear and his alt mode had silently rolled further back to stay out of it. Rude.
Well, if she was going down, she was taking one of them with her. She didn't know what kind of warcry she let out was, but she let it out as she grabbed her own ammo and threw herself at Sideswipe. He had, after all, seemed the least likely in her split-second decision making to stand his ground for a direct assault.
She was right.
She faked a throw and he yelped, turning to protect his face. Darcy took the opportunity, launching herself onto his back and shoving the handful of innards down the back of his shirt. He arched hard to get away from it, yelping and twisting to try to dislodge her.
Unfortunately, it had cost her taking her attention away from Jazz, who made her pay for it by giving her the same treatment. Despite the warmth of the base those slimy innards were cold and she immediately dropped from Sideswipe's back to desperately shake the guts from her shirt without letting them touch her skin too much.
"Waiting for me to be distracted? Now that's cheating!" She caught some of the guts as they tumbled at, turning to hurl them against Jazz's chest.
He grinned, already another handful ready. "All's fair in love n' war, Darce."
He winked before pouncing and it was Darcy's turn to shriek and go on the run…only to find herself trapped by a recovered Sideswipe.
"Truce and team-up?" She offered quickly to both of them. It didn't matter who agreed so long as one did. Besides, deals made under duress weren't really expected to be upheld.
"Deal." Jazz took the offer first to Sideswipe's protesting 'Hey!' and they both turned on the frontliner.
The truce lasted less than a minute before Darcy took advantage of the saboteur's exposed flank to smear pumpkin across his back. He startled at the double-cross and paid for it by a well-placed throw from Sideswipe splattering across his chest.
Her following truce with Sideswipe lasted only half as long.
And Prowl stayed safely out of it.
Both Autobot holograms and Darcy were thoroughly covered by the time their ammo started running thin and a ceasefire was called.
"A battle well fought, little doll," Sideswipe teased, winking at her while holding out his arms. "Now why don't you give the victor a hug?"
"Tsk, tsk. Ya think you won tha'? Clearly I am the victor and should get tha' hug. Come 'ere, Babeh Girl." Jazz mimicked Sideswipe's pose. Both their chests had taken the brunt of the fire.
"Nuh uh, no way. I won that and as the winner I say you should hug each other." Darcy backed away from them but only succeeded in cornering herself against the table.
Sideswipe tipped his head as if in thought. "You may be right, but I think the victor should get a victor's hug."
Jazz nodded, his grin devilish. "Now ya thinkin', Sides, a congrats hug to the winna."
"No, no, no, no!" Darcy's protests were ignored as the bots closed in, squishing her between them and covering whatever spots had stayed clean completely.
"Shall we finish this procedure of carving before you cover the base completely?" Prowl intoned.
Darcy winced with a laugh, freeing herself from between the two holoforms and returning to her pumpkin, scraping the guts off her clothes. "Sorry."
Despite his words, he did not sound entirely cross with them. In fact, she'd go so far as to say he didn't sound cross at all and sounded more…relaxed.
A piece of pumpkin gut stuck to her finger as she tried dumping the mess into the bowl. Unthinking, she flicked her hand, hoping to eject it off and into the pile of discarded guts. The little piece of pumpkin had other plans, and flew off in the wrong direction.
It slapped audibly against Prowl's cheek.
Sideswipe and Jazz froze, Darcy's jaw dropped, though her lips fought to stretch into a grin.
"I didn't mean to!" It would have sounded more sincere had a laugh not been slipping through her apology.
He slowly peeled the wayward guts from his face, dropping them into the bowl where they belonged. Darcy ducked her head, staring resolutely at her pumpkin to stop her laugh from bursting out. He'd just looked so serious with pumpkin hanging off his cheek!
"You should know by now, Detective," Prowl intoned, closer to her than he was before. She glanced up, ready for some statement on professionalism or Newton's law of motion. "I do not get mad, nor do I get even…"
Her gaze shot briefly to Jazz and Sideswipe, who were poorly pretending not to be paying close attention to what was going on.
Prowl shifted, "I get ahead."
It was the only warning she got before a mass of pumpkin guts splattered over her head. She gasped at the sudden slime running down her neck, eyes bulging in disbelief. Had he just…gotten payback? And then some?
The two prankster Autobots guffawed, their own mess forgotten.
Darcy reached up, scooping as much as she could from her abused hair, planning her attack…
"If you are thinking of starting something, Detective, I can promise that you will not be the victor." Prowl warned, raising a challenging brow.
Really, it was his own fault. She shouldn't even be held responsible for her own actions because he had basically goaded her into it.
Prowl's guard wasn't easily broken, but that didn't mean it was unbreakable.
Darcy lowered her hand as if in defeat, stepping up close enough that she had to look up to meet his gaze.
"You're right, of course, as always." His chin dipped as if to acknowledge her wisdom in admitting defeat before the battle could begin before a faint hint of suspicion entered his gaze. The tiniest window of opportunity was about to be gone. "Doesn't make it not worth it."
Her hand, still full of the very guts he'd smashed onto her head, raised and smeared the remaining innards across his face.
He growled, actually growled, though the effect was completely lost thanks to the hunk of pumpkin dangling from the tip of his nose. "That was unwise."
Darcy made a show of looking around and gesturing to the table. "It was calculated. That was, after all, the last of the ammunition."
She smirked, knowing that that wouldn't stop him from claiming victory in the end, but reveling in her lead for now. Sideswipe and Jazz put on a good show of being star-struck.
"They grow so fast." Sideswipe sniffed, wiping a fake tear from his eye.
"The student surpasses the teachers." Jazz sighed, clasping his hands in front of him with pride.
"Our queen."
"Our goddess."
Darcy snorted, ignoring her new fans to face her inevitable and resounding defeat…and caught the edges of a soft smile pulling at Prowl's lips.
"In the face of such earned admiration, I suppose I can allow you to enjoy your crown for a short time." Darcy blinked at his words, a moment of silence coming from behind before the two started up their chants of reverence again.
"I shall appreciate the time I have with it. I do look good in a crown, after all." She grinned, pulling out her phone. "Now let's see these pumpkins and immortalize my victory!"
Evidence of their day captured, Darcy tasked Prowl with setting the pumpkins up in a 'noticeable location' for others around the base to enjoy while she and the other two set about cleaning up their rather impressive mess.
Once all but themselves had been cleaned, Darcy glanced longingly at the couch. A Halloween movie would really be the perfect topper to the day, but there was no way she could touch any furniture until she got herself cleaned off.
"Meet back in 30 for a movie?" She offered, running her fingers through her hair but stopping halfway with a scowl. It was going to take some work to get this mess fixed.
Jazz smirked, popping the lid off of the garbage can and stepping into it. Darcy raised a brow. What the heck was he doing?
The hologram vanished, the pieces of pumpkin that had been stuck to him dropping into the trash. Sideswipe quickly followed suit, both holograms reappearing on either side of her.
"Tsk, tsk, why so dirty, doll?" Clean-Sideswipe tutted, wrinkling his nose as if disgusted by her state.
"Ya really should take betta care o' yerself, Babeh Girl." Jazz didn't try to hide his wide grin.
"Oh that is so not fair!" Darcy huffed, jutting out her lip in a pout.
"We could always help you get squeaky clean." The frontliner made a ridiculous show of winking and waggling his brows.
Before Darcy could respond to that offer, Prowl appeared behind both bots (annoyingly spotless as well) and promptly slapped them both upside the head. "Go, Detective, we will wait here."
Laughing at the pained complaints from the troublemakers, Darcy hoofed it back to her room and launched a battle against the pumpkin that didn't want to release its grip on her hair.
Despite the ferocity of the fight, she managed to make it back to the rec room with wet, clean hair and sweats in just under 30 minutes. All three Autobots were lounging on the Cybertronian-sized couch, Sideswipe on the left side with the remote.
"So what are we watching?" Given the number of channels and streaming services, there likely wasn't anything unavailable to them. If there was, Sideswipe would probably figure out how to get it anyway.
"Scary Movie!" The frontliner whooped, finding a channel that was marathoning nothing but.
"Do ya want Prowler ta glitch?" Jazz huffed from his spot in the middle, shaking his head and snatching the remote away. "Besides, Sides, we need a scary movie, like the Exorcist!"
Darcy sighed, gesturing for Prowl to give her a boost. He did so, lifting her to settle comfortably against his warm chassis. If they were going to insist on something actually scary, she was not doing it from the solitude of the human couch. From this vantage, she could near meet Jazz at eye level. "I do want to be able to sleep tonight."
If Jazz had a lip, he would be jutting it out in a pout. "Halloween?"
"Epps is marathoning all the Halloweens tomorrow for everyone." Sideswipe reminded, tapping his fingers against the couch arm. "Jeepers Creepers?"
Apparently they had decided that horror was the route they were going to go. Admittedly it wasn't Darcy's usual go-to for Halloween films, but she supposed it did make the day a more authentic Halloween experience. She'd just need to limit the gore for what they selected, for Prowl's sake. He'd already been a gem putting up with as much as he did today.
So, horror that didn't strictly rely on gore to make the horror. And horror only worked if the watchers could feel the fear too. What could be scary to a several-ton warrior? Something not human, but something that didn't just rely on monsters to be the scare factor… "The Descent."
Even an Autobot could experience claustrophobia, right?
Sideswipe jumped up, killing the lights while Jazz found the movie and got it queued up. Darcy was doubly glad for her chosen seat at the sudden darkness. She was much more of a Haunted Mansion or Halloweentown type when it came to the holiday movies. Haunted corn mazes were about her max level of suspense and jump scares that she enjoyed. Probably silly, especially given her current company.
At least Prowl made no comment as the movie progressed and she tried to burrow and hide her face in his chassis. Dang it, she'd forgotten the crawlers made that sound!
Despite the darkness, she could make out Jazz and Sideswipe flinching in near tandem as rocks cascaded on screen, nearly crushing one of the characters. Only Prowl appeared unaffected, though she swore the pulse of his spark changed pattern at least once.
When the credits finally rolled, Darcy glanced over to the two bots, grinning at the confusion and shock twisting onto their faces.
"Wait, what?!" Sideswipe protested, hitting the rewind to watch those final seconds again, just to make sure he wasn't missing anything. "She doesn't get out?!"
"Nope." She fought hard to keep from laughing at how distraught that answer made the frontliner.
"But," Jazz frowned, looking between them, "there's always a survivor. At leas' one gotta make it out."
"Not this time." Okay there actually was an alternate ending version that allowed for the mediocre sequel that had come out a few years after, but they didn't need to know that yet.
Sideswipe let out a low whine, slumping. "They can't just end it like that! If she's gonna die, show us how!"
The detective chuckled, shaking her head. "If they did that then it would take away from the ending. You'd have closure and wouldn't think about it anymore. They want you to walk away thinking about it, about what happened to her, if she made it out, if she didn't, if it was all in her head and she was the real killer all along."
The last had been a popular theory among her friends back when the movie first came out, but she didn't think it held much credence. She was sure the two Autobots would come to the same conclusion soon enough, but for the moment their faces slackened with the thought.
Jazz rubbed his forehead, visor flashing out. "How do ya recharge afta that? I can't stahp thinkin' 'bout cave-ins."
A full-body shudder wracked his frame and Darcy mentally fistpumped at picking the right combination of monsters and psychological horror. "Usually by watching something light hearted right after, like Hocus Pocus."
The saboteur had it pulled up in half a heartbeat. Darcy had at least seen the film before, though it had been years. She'd known what was coming, yet she could still hear those damn clicks in her head, so she settled back against Prowl and let the Sanderson sisters bewitch those thoughts away.
She was asleep before the virgin lit the black flame candle.
When she opened her eyes some time later, it was to darkness and near silence, but for the low hum of an Autobot's system. A yawn threatened to crack her jaw as she stretched, finding herself still in Prowl's grasp, though he was now the sole occupant of the couch.
Whether he wasn't really asleep or her movement had woken him, Prowl tipped his head back from its slanted position, blue optics lighting up and casting a glow against her skin.
"When did the movie end?" The silence of the base still felt like it had to be late, rather than reaching morning just yet. At least, she hoped so.
"Approximately one hour ago."
"You could have dropped me at my room once it was done!" Now she felt bad that he was stuck sitting for that long. She wasn't that heavy of a sleeper, it wouldn't have taken much! In fact, she was rather surprised the two had been able to leave without waking her.
A glance at her Guardian indicated he probably had something to do with that. He looked at her, shifting his hold to keep her balanced as he stood. "You were resting peacefully, I did not wish to disturb it."
"That's a silly reason to give yourself a neck ache." Just as it was silly that he was carrying her to her room. She was plenty capable of walking but he made no move to set her down.
"It is not." She wasn't going to convince him, obviously, and he was as like to do it again if given the chance. While the nap on his chassis wasn't quite as comfortable as a proper bed, it had been warm and calming, and no movie monsters could hope to touch her. So she let herself give him a soft smile and dropped the matter.
They had reached her door anyway and he finally was setting her back on her feet anyway. Before he could retract his hand, she grabbed it, meeting his gaze. "Thank you for humoring me today. I enjoyed having you there."
Prowl dipped his head, the ghost of a smile lighting his face. "I thank you for sharing these human experiences with me. Now to bed, you still need rest."
As if to punctuate his words, another large yawn pulled her jaw. She nodded, patting his hand before turning for her door. "Night, Prowl."
He stood to his full height, not willing to leave until her door clicked shut. "Sleep well, Detective."
The photo of four disheveled and orange-smeared faces holding up carved pumpkins remained the background on Darcy's phone for months. Her victory over Prowl remained intact, exchanged for a swear upon pain of death that Sideswipe would never force him through a Scary Movie marathon. Retribution would be swift and terrible otherwise.
She pretended that seeing the photo, printed and framed, on Prowl's desk wasn't the reason for a grin that lasted an entire week, just as she pretended not to notice that he made sure she knew what the date was as Halloween rolled around the next year.