A/N: This was something of a songfic that I wrote and published back for Valentine's Day. It actually had absolutely nothing with the Sharuby ship at all, but because it does feature characters from the drama club, I decided to repackage it into this anthology as well, since it was written as a parody of a musical comedy skit from an old Muppet Show Valentine's Day special.
It was a brisk Friday evening in the middle of February when the Royal Woods High drama club presented its latest offering: a short story of love, longing, jealousy, and competition. Inside the auditorium, the curtains opened to reveal a number of trees, flowers, and other flora that were constructed from cardboard and plywood, while from one of the wings, Benny pedaled his way into scene on a bicycle… a stationary bicycle, that is, as he was pulled into scene with the aid of the stage crew. Interestingly, he was dressed in a bright green frog costume, with a carry-all bag slung over each shoulder, one of which contained a bouquet of flowers, the other a heart-shaped box of chocolates; such a sight garnered more than a few laughs from the audience in attendance. With the stage set, it was then that Lyberti, who drama teacher and fellow drama students alike agreed had the best voice in their class, told the tale from off-stage through song:
Well, Froggy went a-courtin', and he did ride
Uh-huh
Uh-huh
Well, Froggy went a-courtin', and he did ride
with sweets and treats by his side
Uh-huh
Uh-huh
As he pedaled his heart out in one place, Froggy/Benny merely stole a glance at the audience with a confident smile on his face, and a cocky waggle of his brow. It was then that the façade of a quaint little cottage was pushed into scene, to show that Froggy had arrived at his desired destination.
Lyberti continued:
He rode up to Miss Mousy's door
Uh-huh
Uh-huh
He rode up to Miss Mousy's door
Gave three loud raps and one big roar
Uh-huh
Uh-huh
From there, Froggy hopped off of his bike, stepped over to the cottage, and proceeded to resume the narrative as he busted some rhymes of his own in the form of a rap:
Yo, Miss Mousy, you in der?
From inside the cottage, a rather mousy-sounding voice responded:
Uh-huh
Uh-huh
Froggy/Benny continued:
Yo, Miss Mousy, you in der?
Answer me, if you'd care
Again came a mousy response:
Uh-huh
Uh-huh
Through the window in the cottage, Miss Mousy poked out her head; it was Shannon dressed in an adorable little mouse costume, while also sporting a little orange sun dress, and from there, she responded to her suitor:
Yes, I'm in here, Froggy dear
Uh-huh
Uh-huh
Yes, I'm in here, Froggy dear
I see you've come in good cheer
Uh-huh
Uh-huh
Miss Mousy/Shannon stepped out of her little cottage and over to Froggy, who removed the carry-all's from his shoulders, lowered himself down onto one knee, and sat Miss Mousy on his other.
Lyberti continued:
He took Miss Mousy on his knee
Uh-huh
Uh-huh
He took Miss Mousy on his knee, and asked…
Froggy/Benny proposed:
Miss Mousy, will you marry me?
"Well…" answered Miss Mousy/Shannon, to Froggy's dismay.
"Um… hey… um, how come you didn't say, 'Uh-huh, uh-huh'?" Froggy/Benny asked.
Miss Mousy hopped off of Froggy's knee, and proceeded to explain herself:
Well, there's something you should understand…
Froggy/Benny responded:
Uh-huh?
Miss Mousy/Shannon responded:
Uh-huh.
Well, there's something you should understand
there's someone else who wants my hand…
Froggy/Benny responded:
Uh-huh?
Miss Mousy/Shannon responded:
Uh-huh
"Heh. Probably another little mousy admirer," Froggy/Benny shrugged off in amusement, while totally oblivious to said mousy admirer entering the scene from behind him, and he was anything but little. Still, he resumed the narrative:
Well, I'm not worried by what you say
Miss Mousy/Shannon responded:
Uh-uh?
Froggy/Benny responded:
Uh-uh!
Well, I'm not worried by what you say…
Miss Mousy/Shannon interrupted to greet her other suitor who had just arrived, also with a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates in hand:
Why, Big Mouse, how are you today?
Big Mouse responded politely…
Uh-huh?
Until he noticed the competition he was now faced with:
Uh-huh!
Big Mouse was Spencer in a rather buff mouse costume, which was accessorized with an orange bow tie and matching cummerbund. He threw the flowers and chocolates to the stage floor as he towered menacingly over the smaller, scrawnier Froggy, who slightly recoiled in intimidation.
Lyberti continued:
Well, Big Mouse said…
Big Mouse/Spencer threatened:
You better hit the road!
Froggy/Benny retorted:
Uh-huh?
Big Mouse/Spencer responded:
Uh-huh!
Lyberti continued:
Well, Big Mouse said…
Big Mouse/Spencer responded while shaking his fists:
You better hit the road, or I'm gonna pulverize ya, toad!
Froggy/Benny retorted:
Uh-huh?!
Big Mouse/Spencer threatened:
Uh-huh!
"Little does he know that I've never missed an episode of Cobra Kai," Froggy/Benny filled the audience in, which garnered another chuckle from them. He then resumed:
The bigger they are, the harder they fall
Miss Mousy/Shannon responded:
Uh-huh?
Froggy/Benny confirmed:
Uh-huh!
He then proceeded to threaten his competition:
The bigger they are, the harder they fall
AND YOU'RE GONNA FALL, BIG MOUSE AND ALL!
Big Mouse/Spencer retorted:
UH-HUH?!
Froggy/Benny responded:
UH-HUH!
What followed was the scrawny amphibian hopping over and tackling the giant rodent, the ensuing scuffle of which kicked up another cartoonish dust cloud. Miss Mousy could only shield her eyes and turn away in horror over the scene that unfolded before her.
Lyberti continued:
Miss Mousy couldn't watch the fight
Uh-uh
Uh-uh
Miss Mousy couldn't watch the fight
which went all day and went all night
Uh-huh
Uh-huh
Miss Mousy ran off stage in despair while the dust cloud persisted as the lights were brought down.
A moment later, the lights were brought back up to signal the dawning of a new morning, and the settling of the dust. Miss Mousy returned to the scene to survey the damage, and found her two suitors laying crippled on the ground; Big Mouse's bow tie and cummerbund had been ripped to shreds, while Froggy had been twisted into a human pretzel… well, more like a frog pretzel. Their flowers and chocolates were also scattered about the stage floor like debris that had been left in a tornado's wake. They both looked up at the one for whose affection they fought over, and finally conceded to fair play.
Big Mouse/Spencer painfully offered:
Well, Miss Mousy, which of us would you like?
Froggy/Benny just as painfully agreed:
Uh-huh…
Uh-huh…
Big Mouse/Spencer repeated:
Well, Miss Mousy…?
Miss Mousy/Shannon pondered:
Which of you would I like?
Just then, Rex roared into scene on a motorcycle, while dressed as a tiger wearing a fedora, sunglasses, and a leather jacket.
Miss Mousy/Shannon finally decided:
I'd like this cool cat and his bike!
Cool Cat/Rex happily sang:
Uh-huh!
Uh-huh!
With that, Miss Mousy hopped onto the back of Cool Cat's motorcycle, wrapped her paws around his middle, and the two sped off for parts unknown, leaving behind in their exhaust the broken Froggy and Big Mouse – the latter of whom finally extended an olive branch to the former.
"C'mon, Frog; I'll buy ya a root beer," offered Big Mouse/Spencer.
"Uh-huh… uh-huh…" accepted Froggy/Benny.
The curtains closed to entertained cheers and applause; meanwhile, drama teacher and play director, Mrs. Bernardo, stood off in the wings, where she dabbed the streaks of black mascara from her cheeks with one of her monogramed handkerchiefs, as she wailed, "That story gets me, every time!"