Obito breaks the news to the workers at Ame about Kakashi being a cop.

Kakashi breaks the news to his friends at the station about Obito being a former drug dealer.

"Ok guys, you must be wondering why I've called you all here." Obito declared ominously as he rubbed his palms together.

"I'm wondering why you're sounding like an anime villain." Kisame snorted at his boss' antics and Kakashi had to agree.

Everybody from Amegakure was sitting in the tables of the main floor, there was still an hour until they opened and Obito had summoned some sort of staff meeting. They were both standing in front of them all and right now this seemed like a much worse idea than what they had agreed the night before.

Kakashi had survived a whole list of things in his life. From secret missions against terrorists in forgotten countries to gang shootouts, and he had a 100% survival rate and almost that same number for getting out without any injuries either. It would be at least ironic that after surviving so much, outliving his friends and loved ones, that he'd die in his first real boyfriend's bar. Killed by said boyfriend's friends. When his own friends at the station got a call from the coroner's office, they be very confused.

"Shut it Kisame. Alright, here's the thing, I- I mean, we've got something to tell you."

"You're getting married!" Kisame tried to guess.

"Kakashi's pregnant!" Deidara exclaimed making everybody in the room laugh and Kakashi had to wonder why this is the second time he heard this, was he putting on some weight? He was going to ask Obito later. No better Anko or Kurenai, Obito would lie saying he was too pretty, his friends had no qualms about being straight out rude to him.

"You're getting another dog?" Sasori asked, which, to be fair, could very well happen, it was a good guess, but was not the case.

"Kakashi's a cop!" Hidan yelled excitedly jumping on his seat, joining the game and… guessed right? Like? On the first try? What?

Kakashi turned to look at Obito and Obito turned to look at Kakashi and he was glad to notice that they were both confused. An awkward silence filled the main floor and everybody stared in shock at the couple in the front.

"Well, yeah Hidan, Kakashi's a cop." Obito muttered still a bit in disbelief.

"Holy hell! Do I win anything for getting it right?" Hidan asked with childlike wonder that didn't suit him.

"No, you fucking dickhead, it wasn't a competition!"

"You mean to say that for the last five months you've been dating a cop and regularly bringing him to the bar, where all workers are convicted criminals, and he talked to all of us getting valuable information that could put us again in jail should he pursuit a case against us." Sasori summed up and… oh boy, it sounded bad, this might really be the day Kakashi finally dies.

"Well, when you put it like that-"

"I'm gonna kill you Obito." Kakuzu interrupted and announced, and true to his word, in a second he was by Obito's side, hands on his neck, lifting him up from the ground with full intent of ending him.

"Er, Kakuzu-san, it might… it might not be a good idea to commit murder right in front of me? Because I'm a cop?" Kakashi grabbed Kakuzu's arms with both his hands and tried to politely pull him away from his boyfriend's neck, but the man didn't budge not even one centimeter, not even when Kakashi used his whole weight to bring Obito back to the floor.

"I'll kill you after too." Kakuzu announced simply without taking his eyes from Obito.

Yahiko got up from his table where he was sitting together with Konan and Nagato and raised his hands in a calming manner. "Ok, everybody, what about we all relax a bit and-"

"How about I shove my drum sticks up your ass Yahiko?" Deidara suggested angrily.

"Alright, no need to-"

"I'm in full need of beating the shit out of your mother fucking sorry ass, did you know about this?" Deidara inquired, making all eyes move from Kakuzu choking Obito to Yahiko, who did mislead everyone in the club together with Kakashi and Obito.

"Konan, Nagato, some help maybe? Pretty please?" Konan looked up to a wall and Nagato to the other wall while their boyfriend was left to die, and he laughed nervously. "Well, we did know about this but-"

"Then I'm killing you later Pein!" Kakuzu announced the new addition in his target list.

"Ka-ku-zu-" Obito let out a strangled cry from where Kakuzu was holding him up by the neck.

"Alright Kakuzu, that's enough, c'mon, you don't wanna go back to jail over something this stupid right?" Kisame clapped on the other bouncer's shoulder with a sympathetic smile and Kakashi had to wonder why murder would be a stupid reason to go to jail.

"Kakuzu, we've all wanted to murder Obito before. You're not special. Get in line." Konan groaned and tried to argue too in favor of her friend. Kind of.

"She's right. I also wish to murder Obito right now, step aside Kakuzu, this way we don't leave fingerprints." Sasori got up to his feet, cocked his gun and pointed at Obito. Kakuzu with an annoyed grunt let Obito hit the floor like a sack of potatoes, whizzing.

"Shit! Obito!" In a second Kakashi was in front of him, shielding him from Sasori's aim and checking if he was fine and Obito send him a thumbs up while his other hand grabbed at his throat.

Deidara and Hidan started hammering their fists on the tables chanting for Sasori like they were little kids and this was just another fight in the playground. "Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!-"

"Alright look!" Obito's voice was raspy and hoarse, but everybody turned to look at him. "Whatever you do, don't hurt Kakashi!"

"Are you stupid? Of course we won't hurt Kakashi, he's a cop, everybody's going to look for him." Sasori stated sounding very levelheaded given the whole situation.

"Yeah! Besides, he's cool!" Deidara agreed with Sasori's assessment and Kakashi was kind of flattered?

"If we're killing someone, I vote on Obito!" Hidan clapped his hands excitedly. "Look, I have a vision for this. I was thinking on stage, we could do it during the show, maybe we can pull him up with some ropes on the ceiling, he'll look like a BDSM Jesus Christ and then-" Hidan was interrupted by a heavy punch to his jaw, courtesy of Kakuzu, which knocked him out cold, and his limp body hit the ground with a nice thud.

"He talks too much." Kakuzu explained when everybody looked at him.

"Ok everyone, listen!" Nagato got up and said in an unexpectedly commanding voice. "If Kakashi wanted to prosecute us, he'd have done it by now. Besides, the only crimes committed in our establishment that he could have witnessed are illegal drug possession, illegal gun possession, maybe some creative accounting which he wouldn't be able to confirm and I remember there was once a cockroach in the kitchen. Kakashi, do you care about any of these incidents?" Nagato explained in a sure voice, listing out each item to the cop.

"Not at all Nagato." Kakashi shook his head wondering how on earth a cockroach and a gun are in the same list of infractions.

Nagato sighed and made a move for Sasori to lower the gun. "Then, I don't see any reason for us to kill anybody."

"But Nagato! They're dating now!" Deidara exclaimed.

"This only means that Kakashi will be even more prone to protect Obito, including from the police itself." Kakashi wasn't happy with what Nagato implied. But the redhaed was not wrong. He'd do anything to protect Obito.

"He knows too much already." Sasori argued with cold blooded voice and Kakashi felt a tingling in the back of his neck. The same one he got whenever he knew for sure, that shit was going down. His sixth sense has protected him and his loved ones several times in the past, so Kakashi got up from his crouched position and stood between Obito and Sasori, hand hovering over his gun, ready to use it if necessary. He'd protect Obito by killing his friends if needed, it wasn't even a choice. Nobody touches Obito.

"Then let's everyone here keep a low profile, and Kakashi doesn't have to go to the police about us." Nagato rationalized, not affected by the clear scalation of tension in the room. Everybody else had already stepped down, and taken a step back from the guns in the room, even Kakuzu, only Nagato seemed to think it was safe to approach the two men glaring at each other.

"I see it as less risky to kill them both right now." Sasori stated in the same cold tone and Kakashi instantly reach for his gun and aimed at him.

"If you kill Obito I'm going to kill every one of you here." Kakashi said before he could help himself.

Instantly all the rest the was still sitting got up to their feet, Kakuzu pulled out a gun and aimed for Kakashi, Kisame took a pistol out of his belt and aimed at Sasori, Deidara held a knife to Kisame's neck and Konan took a shotgun from under the table and aimed at Kakuzu.

Nobody said anything for a very charged moment. The others were acting as insurance, showing off their strength, but they knew that Kakashi and Sasori, they were willing to do it. Sasori would easily kill Obito to keep the cops from finding out about whatever it was he was doing wrong these days, and Kakashi would gladly kill anyone threatening Obito. Their eyes narrowed, focusing on each other's triggers, aware of any minimal movement indicating they'd shoot. This ending in bloodbath or not only depended on Kakashi and Sasori.

Nagato took yet another step forward, almost coming between both men and in the middle of all guns and knives.

"Alright. It seems to me we reached a deadlock. Luckily, everybody in this room is an intelligent person, except Hidan, but he's passed out, so no need to worry. As the intelligent people we are, everybody's gonna lay down the weapons, and stop talking about killing people. Agree?"

Nobody answered and they all averted Nagato's eyes. Kakashi and Sasori didn't make any movement to lower their guns, still waiting for what the other would do. Kakashi had to wonder that Nagato had nerves of steel to bring nothing to a gun fight and still joke around. Made him wonder if the redhead had been in a lot of situations like this before.

"I asked: do you agree?" Nagato said in menacing tone that briefly reminded Kakashi of Kushina scolding Naruto and Minato when they did something wrong.

Grunts and groans and sighs were heard all around, but everybody withdrew their weapons. Kakashi and Sasori lowered their guns slowly, still keeping their eyes on each other. The rest was grumbling and complaining about not having a fight today.

Nagato clapped twice and everybody looked at him. "Ok! It's Friday people. Look alive! We need to open this place in one hour, you all know what your chores are." He crossed his arms over his chest.

Everyone got up and dragged their feet to whatever they needed to do before opening Amegakure. Except Hidan, who was still out cold in the floor. Even Sasori relaxed his stance and moved to the backstage to check his bass or whatever. Kakashi finally allowed himself a moment to breath. Shit. They almost ended up all dead on the floor just now. He crouched on the floor to check on Obito.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, love. Relax." Obito said, voice still a bit hoarse, but unharmed otherwise.

"That was so hot baby." Yahiko hugged Nagato from behind and kissed his cheek.

"Yeah, it was super cool." Konan agreed but Nagato raised his hand to prevent her from kissing him too, making her look distraught.

"It all worked out despite you putting out fire with gasoline Konan." Nagato said in that same Kushina-like voice.

"But-but Nagato!" Konan whined. That was new. Kakashi never knew she could produce these sounds. The things a good dick do to people. Or love. Probably both. Whatever it was, Konan was far from her typical cool persona.

"Really, I expected more of you, you're the owner too, you know how much bad publicity a murder gets, imagine a full-blown shoot out?"

"Nagatooo! I'm sorry." She grabbed the hem of his shirt, but Nagato was having none of that.

"I'll let you think about it, please change your behavior towards something more constructive in the future. I have to go check the light system." Nagato left with only a peck on Yahiko's lips, leaving Konan fuming at the blatant rejection.

"Did you also think he looked like Kushina-nee? Or maybe grannie Mito?" Obito asked and Kakashi agreed nodding.

"Yes, so weirdly motherly."

"Uzumaki genes, man. They're terrifying."

"How are you always his favorite?!" Konan raised an accusing finger for Yahiko.

"Me? Please, you two are attached to the hip." Yahiko crossed his arms and groaned at Konan's childish tone. Kakashi's never seen her like this, she was always so cool and collected.

"You're his favorite and now he's mad at me!" She whined and stumped her feet on the floor. Like a child. Very uncanny.

"Oh baby, you know it was because you told Kakuzu to kill Obito. He likes Obito." Yahiko's tone mellowed as he explained something obvious to everyone else but her it seems.

"I like Obito too, but Nagato knows I'm like this." Konan let herself he hugged by Yahiko.

"Yeah, we know baby, we wouldn't have you any other way." Yahiko kissed the top of her head. "C'mon, let him cool down a bit. You can stay with me at the bar tonight if you want." They started walking out of the main floor towards the bar hand in hand.

"No, I have to apologize, or I'll sleep on the couch today." Konan sighed in defeat right before they were out of earshot.

That left Obito and Kakashi to their own devices after them leaving the floor.

"Do they fight often?" Kakashi wondered out loud.

Obito shook his head. "Not really, they're real tight."

"I feel like I just witnessed something I shouldn't have." It feels like he breached a moment in the throuple's intimacy. They were talking like Kakashi and Obito weren't even there. Maybe they imagined the couple would be doing their own thing instead of eavesdropping.

"According to Nagato and the others, you do that quite a lot. You really gotta keep your mouth shut about this place." Obito chuckled and Kakashi couldn't help himself and joined him. Yes, he's seen some shit in the bar, most of them are just weird, but not illegal. Though he was still shocked at the number of guns and weapons that came out just now. He never noticed anybody carrying them, where were they hidden before? He was in the military, he always noticed hidden guns. This puzzled Kakashi a bit.

"It's ok, I've been doing for months now." He shrugged. It wasn't a sacrifice or anything like that.

Obito pull on Kakashi's shirt to bring him closer. "You were really sexy when you pulled out your gun." He said in a low tone.

"They were threatening to kill you. I didn't give Kakuzu much credit because he's hotheaded, but when Sasori pulled out the gun, I truly believed he was going to go through with it." Kakashi sighed, trying to will the tension to leave his body.

"Yeah, you were right. Still, my pretty cop was defending me and my honor…" Obito said in a teasing tone, arms snaking around Kakashi's waist, and despite the silly words, he felt himself get little shivers.

"Idiot." He said before kissing that handsome smirk out of Obito's face.

They were still on the floor, where Obito had landed and stayed, with Kakashi over him. Their tongues slid together and Kakashi failed to repress a moan coming from him. Obito took it as an encouragement and his hand went under Kakashi's t-shirt feeling around roughly. Obito had again and again proposed for them to have public sex, it was one of his fantasies, but Kakashi had always said a hard "no". But right now he felt that he could indulge in some heavy patting in public right? Nobody was around anymore, just he and his boyfriend. No sex, just a hot make out session, to wash the tension off. He felt Obito squeeze one of his nipples between his fingers and his dick twitched inside his underwear. Shit, maybe they could squeeze in a trip to Obito's place before the show, have a quickie and then come back.

"Oh fuck…"

Kakashi heard a low moan that he didn't recognize as neither his nor Obito's and froze in place. Below him Obito had also stopped any movement and was staring up at him wide eyed. They turned their heads at the same time to the source of the noise and sure enough, not only had Hidan woken up, he was jerking himself off looking at Kakashi and Obito making out, face horny and bothered, despite the bruise forming on his jaw and the blood coming from his mouth.

"Fuck, you two are fucking hot, keep going!" He pleaded and Kakashi never felt his dick go so soft so fast.

"Goddamn mother fucking asshole-" Obito instantly got up on his feet and started kicking and stepping on Hidan, with his hard dick still on his hand. "Fucking hell, junkie prick, you horny dipshit, I hope you get syphilis and die, fucking waste of space mother fucker-"

"Hey, -ouch- wait a second Obi-Obito! Oi! Ouch! Stop it! You guys are hot- ouch, hey! Trust me, I just wanna see ya! Ouch-ouch-ouch-ouch! It's not like I was gonna pitch in, ok? I swear!" Hidan tried to explain himself in between kicks and curses.

Kakashi laughed at the situation. Yes, Obito's friends or something were just entertaining most of the time.

"Ok guys, you must be wondering why we've called you all here." Kakashi announced the official beginning of the meeting.

They were all in that Konoha bar again, and now the whole gang, as Kakashi liked to call them, was here. Fuck, he was nervous. Was this what Kakashi was feeling when they told the guys at the bar? This imminent death feeling? His boyfriend didn't look like a nervous wreck then, and Obito prayed he wasn't looking like one right now.

"Not… really? I thought this was a happy hour?" Tenzo said sipping his beer calmly.

"No, I mean yes, but also we have something to tell you all." Kakashi explained, and just like what happened in Amegakure, people started guessing what was the big news.

"Are you moving in together?"

"Are you marrying? You know we don't have gay marriage in Japan, right?"

"Are you getting a new dog? Like, another?"

"Are you pregnant?"

Kakashi looked out of words, he just leaned closer to Obito and whispered. "Ok, this is starting to get creepy."

"Yeah, why are your friends just like my friends?" Obito whispered back.

Kakashi cleared his throat and turned again to address the gang, sighing before picking up again.

"Alright, none of the above. Here goes nothing: Obito is an ex-convict and criminal." He paused as if expecting reactions, but nobody said anything. Obito prayed that he got to the most important part quickly. "He's not involved with illegal activities anymore, so no reason to arrest him, are we clear?" Oh there it was, yes nobody is getting arrested tonight. Or killed.

They looked around but anybody was having any reaction to this very important piece of news. All Kakashi's friends were looking at each other with a twinkle in their eyes and Obito wasn't sure if he liked this or not.

"Oh man, here we go again." Hayate groaned as he took his laptop out of his bag.

"What the fuck? Why is nobody acting surprised?" Obito asked the crowd and everybody finally let out the laughter they looked like they were holding.

"We knew already Obito, relax!" Kurenai waved her hand at them in a calming way.

"Yeah! But we do have some questions for you, we need to settle some bets." Anko winked at them.

Kakashi visibly paled. It was a bit uncanny, there were few things on this earth that his boyfriend feared. "Oh no. By bets you mean…"

"Alright everybody, gather around, let's check The Book." Hayate announced and everybody moved to sit closer to him trying to look at the screen.

Kakashi groaned so loud and with so much hatred Obito thought for a second he was gonna turn into a werewolf or some shit.

"What fucking book?"

"It's not a book, Obito. It's The Book." Yugao corrected him as if that was gonna be enough to put him in the loop.

"What fucking The Book, then?" He crossed his arms annoyed. He hated being left out of the joke.

"Kakashi never told you about The Book?" Raidou asked and shot a dirty glare at Kakashi, who only groaned again. "What a boyfriend you're turning out to be Kakashi."

"The Book is where we keep all bets that we have in our group of friends." Iruka provided helpfully and Obito was starting to get it. "We betted on your relationship with Kakashi before, about how long it would take for you two to be official. This time we betted if you were going to come clean about your past or if we'd all just go on pretending that you're not an ex-convict."

Iruka was such a cute, gentle person, Obito thanked him for the explanation. But the whole situation was still too absurd for him to accept.

"How did you know?" He wondered out loud for anyone who could answer.

"Anko." Tenzo supplied helpfully and that got an outraged reaction from Kakashi.

"Anko! I'm skinning you fucking alive, then burning you up then dancing over your mother fucking ashes!" Kakashi started to run around the table to get the woman on the other side. Trust Kakashi's friends to break his cool dude façade in a matter of seconds.

"Hey! It wasn't just me! It was teamwork!" Anko exclaimed while he jumped in between people and sits trying to avoid getting caught by an enraged Kakashi.

"That just means I get more people to skin alive!"

Raidou grabbed the hem of Kakashi's pants trying to make him stop embarrassing himself in the middle of the busy bar. "Anko started the snooping around, Kakashi, but it was Shizune that confirmed Obito's status, since his file was classified."

"Raidou!" Shizune shouted at him offended at the accusation. "That might be true, but we only started betting after Iruka confirmed that Kakashi knew about it too!"

A pissed off Kakashi looked between Shizune and Iruka, both sending him sweet apologetic smiles and Obito wondered not for the first time how cute and polite Kakashi's friends were. If it had been in Ame, well, Kakuzu lost a bet and Kakashi almost took a beating. Not to mention last week's fiasco when everybody in the club almost kicked the old oxygen habit.

"Alright, alright, alright." Hayate started again in a tired voice. "We have two winners for this round, congrats Iruka on your first win, and Gai, go fuck yourself."

"I won?" Iruka seemed shocked at the possibility.

"AHA! The youthful trustful friendships win again!" Gai got up to his feet and punched his chest several times in pride. It looked like it hurt a bit.

"Gai always gets it right." Asuma leaned in and informed Obito shaking his head in dismay.

"Gai?! Of all people?!" Obito thought the man, even if he was strong and had a great body, has lost contact with reality a long time ago, imagine then thinking about other people's relationships and making correct guesses.

Asuma nodded looking tired. "He's so good, he's not allowed to place his bet until everyone else has done it already."

"Speech!" Genma yelled from the back of the table and Kurenai gave Iruka her almost full cocktail for him to hold like it was an Oscar.

Iruka got up with the pink and red drink on both his hands. "Oh my, I don't even know what to say, I didn't have a speech planned. I want to thank the Academy, and my friends. I guess I just believed in Kakashi's strength of character to be truthful to his friends eventually."

A round of "aaaaawwww"s went around the table, with the girls talking about how much they wanted to squeeze Iruka until he pops.

"My dear friends, what else can I say besides, love always prevails in the end! No matter the obstacles, the hurdles, human beings were born to be youthful, and trust each other! Be inside each other's souls." Gai went ahead and did his speech anyway with a weird sex innuendo, even if nobody gave him an Oscar.

"Alright everybody, open your wallets, Gai and Iruka won 9 to 1." Yugao started collecting money from the losing parties.

"What were the options Hayate?" Kakashi seemed to finally want to talk again. He'd been slouched on the chair staring at the ceiling in complete dismay.

"We had Iruka and Gai betting in 'Kakashi and/or Obito will admit to his criminal records willingly', that's the winner bet. Tenzo, Yugao, Kurenai, Asuma and Shizune bet on 'Kakashi and/or Obito will spill the beans accidently, try to cover it, and fail miserably, forcing them to come forward and confess' that's the second option. Raidou, Genma and Anko bet on 'Things will continue as they are, as long as everyone involved in the bet keep pretending not to know that Obito is a criminal, with the excuses they come up with growing exponentially ridiculous'. I never bet on anything since I'm the bookkeeper." Hayate patiently explained to Obito and Kakashi.

Kakashi groaned yet again and looked up the ceiling, yet again. "I hate you all so much. Why are we friends?"

"You lacked options at the station." Genma said with finality and everybody else muttered in agreement.

"Wanna be friends with Ibike? He doesn't hate you, you might hit it off." Anko suggested but Kakashi looked about ready to throw up.

"No thanks, I'm good."

Hayate's bored voice cut again through the conversations. "Ok, Obito, now we have some bets on why you went to jail, since everything in your file is either classified or censured. Care to share? Cool if you don't want to."

There was a round of nods on the table and reassurances that he didn't need to share anything he wasn't comfortable with, everybody was very serious about it, and Obito understood why Kakashi was friends with these people. They were good people.

"Obito, really you don't need to." Kakashi told him with a hand on his shoulder and Obito just grinned.

"Do you guys need the whole list? Or just the main thing?" His smile became a smirk when he saw Kakashi's face fall at how excited Obito was about this.

"Fuck, this is going to be a long night." Hayate muttered as he opened another tab in the spreadsheet. "The whole list please."

"Oh my god guys!" Kurenai exclaimed before Obito could start listing all his charges. "Do you want to make a bingo?!"

"Kurenai! You're a goddamn genius!" Somebody yelled from somewhere.

"I have paper!" Shizune exclaimed excited as she got her briefcase from under the table.

"What a demonstration of youthfulness!" Gai boasted a loud laughter.

"Holy fuck goddamn crap. Your friends sometimes are worse than mine." Obito said but didn't mean it. He was loving this. They were super cool with the fact that Obito went to jail in the past, this was turning out much better than he had expected.

"Nobody here is jerking off at least." Kakashi teased back.

Now that's an accusation he won't let be made against him. "Hidan is not my friend, I'd rather remove all my nails with my own teeth."

"Are we treating illegal gun carry and possession as different things?" Tenzo asked as he started writing his bingo card.

"Yes." Hayate confirmed. "As well as first-, second- and third-degree murder."

"C'mon guys, make Shizune proud! Be very specific with the charges!" Genma added and Shizune started a long rent about cops being too sloppy with paperwork and legal procedures.

"This is going to be a long night indeed." Kakashi echoed Hayate's words and turned his beer bottoms up, drinking everything that was left in the pine. He seemed more nervous about this than Obito. "Sorry about this. Seriously."

Obito leaned in and whispered hotly in his boyfriend's ear. "You can repay me later tonight."

"Perv." Kakashi teased but he still shivered from Obito's words.

"Only for you, my love."

"Idiot." Kakashi pulled his mask down for a second to give Obito a peck on his scarred cheek. Every time he did that, Obito stopped feeling like an ugly monster and felt like a normal human, and yes, it sounded like he was being dramatic, but he had 40% of his body burned, let him be.

But something else caught his attention in this simple gesture. "Do your friends know your face?"

"Just enough to identify me in a coroner's table." Kakashi joked earning a shove on his shoulder by Obito. "I don't mind lowering the mask around them, as long as it's fast. They're used to it."

"Noted." Obito smiled easily and kissed Kakashi back on his mask covered cheek.

"Alright Obito, let's start." Hayate announced in his oh so always excited voice.

"Let's fucking do this." Obito said and downed his pine too. He was relieved that no one was getting arrested tonight.