Apara looked at peace in the warm embrace of the healing pod. Satisfied, satiated in a way I know even a good meal wouldn't bring out in her. With the way her energy feels now I can't help but wonder if there was some biological need to make the change. She didn't need much encouragement to undergo a process that would completely change her body and steal her senses away.
I don't think I could abide that kind of change in myself without at least keeping a hold of my senses. What purpose did that kind of form hold to me? As far as I'd be concerned the oozarus actions were that of another being entirely. I had little use for that kind of loss of self. Yet I was studying it more intently than I had everything else in my entire time alive.
My hand pressed against the glass of the saiyan childs container, but my energy reached past it, intermingling with the girls own in a kind of intimacy I doubt many beings could replicate. Ki is at least partially a reflection of the soul, and as I made every effort to understand that of my companion, I was forced to interact with her innermost self in a manner only very few beings have with each other. I was making my energy a kind of blanket over her own. A perfect reflection of the activity I could feel just inches ahead of me, because it wasn't a reflection. It was an extension of that same movement.
I wonder if to another human this kind of closeness would be considered a violent act against someone who had not consented. This kind of understanding coming without permission. To Apara I knew she didn't care. This had always been a part of the deal.
As a human, I am a collection of experiences and emotional responses. My being revolves around how I've adapted to change. If you take away all my experience and memory I was simply an amoeba. Life, yes, but a collection of only the vaguest of instincts. My "self" existed in the scars and tribulation of everything that came before this moment.
I believe for the person in front of me, "self" exists at its truest when the layers are pulled away. Apara was alone with her needs and wants satisfied in the moment she felt them, the Oozaru was her instincts. Therefore it was her truest self. My nature is change, that is, in my humble opinion, my place in the grand scheme of the cosmos. Aparas is different.
Hers is violence in every form she can summon it.
By the end of today I would have a greater understanding of that. I don't know what could possibly come from the ability to replicate at least the energy component of what happens during her transformation, and the inexplicable jumps in power I've been studying for the past months. To even try to mimic these kinds of feats in practice is more than likely a painful suicide.
What I do know is that they are a piece of a puzzle I have no intention of ever putting down. In solving it I might not get what I want, but I'd know more than I did about it before.
8282 was keeping her distance on the other side of the room. The pink beauty was holding a tablet in her hands and watching me with a primal focus. As always she was dressed in a too tight play on a nurses uniform that left a very good impression on the more animal side of my instincts. I could feel her curiosity burning at the forefront, but caution held her back. The alien woman didn't have a read on me yet, which meant as far as she was concerned I was only a little less likely to rape and eat her as the bear man had been. The knife I'd held to her throat not long ago was probably little reassurance.
It was telling that she still took the risk to be here in the room with me. Silently typing down notes and watching the both of us with an all too piercing gaze. She wanted her own understanding, and like me she was constantly balancing risk and reward. Survival against something else. For me it was strength in a place filled to the brim with legends and gods. For her?
I'd find out sooner or later.
In the meantime I wondered if she'd reevaluate after she finally heard the sounds of boots stomping angrily in my direction, or realized who they belonged to.
"Dennis!" Jernus yelled. "Dennis!" I had figured our leader would have questions, yet it was a surprise he decided to ask them personally. When I pulled the trigger on Apara's ability I figured it would be Belk, or maybe even Jell who would ask me what exactly was going on today.
They were his supporters, after all.
I gently withdrew my energy from Aparas own, gathering it together and turning to the ship's captain with a raised brow. Risk and reward. I don't think it's impossible for me to kill Jernus as I am now, but I know I won't be able to survive doing so. I have spite enough for my last act to bring down just about anyone on this planet.
I just don't think I can convince him that's the case before things get dicey. So he might do something stupid. My risk.
"Captain." I replied. "Did you need something?"
The red-skinned leader of our warband gritted his teeth, before pointing a finger at me. His normally well kept mane of white hair was a tangle of dust, rust, and guts. He came here right after a fight. He was still tired, probably down a few dozen points. I watched his expression tighten, before he visibly calmed himself down.
"Did you always know that girl could do that?"
I grinned, watching him wince at the ugly expression on my all too wounded face. "I had an idea, yeah."
"And you didn't think to tell me, after I was kind enough to ignore recruitment protocol for you?" Protocol? Ah, he was looking for an excuse. I could sense violence coming. He was considering removing a few pieces from the board.
"I didn't think you'd appreciate the potential. Not until you saw it yourself." Behind my back my fingers brushed against the collection of knives I kept on a bandoleer. I saw my eyes gleam orange in the reflection of the captain's own.
"Appreciate the potential? That girl is more of a danger to you than anyone else here. This ship-" I shook my head with a laugh at his words, interrupting his tirade. Jernus' energy teemed with restrained movement. If I was anything but a picture of confidence he would have taken my head off.
"This ship is a delicate balance of loyalty to its own and fear of its betters. You're well liked for now, but what happens when another Naldinnas comes down the road? The worlds we take are barely surveyed. Outliers and strange circumstances are missed all the time. Just like today."
In his silence I continued. "Too many commanders too close to your power level, too many people who can fight you evenly. If you catch the blame and people stop trusting their captain, what keeps them from mutiny? What commanders can you rely on to keep things running smoothly? Belk? Jell? A few of the others are in your pocket too, but what happens when times get bad?"
Jernus' eyes remained locked on my own, looking to find my measure against what he knows about me. Three knives at my back slid from their sheathes, and I began to gather energy in them. Slowly.
"And you'd do that? Keep things 'running smoothly'? Who's to say you won't want the seat? Or the girl? She'd manage a vote or two for herself after today. That's a problem that'll only get worse as she gets older." There it was. What he was afraid of. I stepped between his field of view and Apara's place in the pod.
"We could try something like that, but why would we?" I replied, watching as energy began to coalesce towards Jernus' right arm, his fingers flexing as he readied. I could feel the warning in his next words.
"You think I can't smell ambition, Dennis? You've been climbing since you got here." I nodded, and I saw my agreement give the man in front of me pause. He was used to excuses, to begging and pleading. Someone telling him he was right intrigued him.
"I have. I was a slave weaker than any other. Now people are getting afraid of me. Established veterans stepping aside when I come around the corner. Too afraid to test whether their scouters are right enough to keep them safe and certain in a fight against me. I climbed higher than anyone like me could ever have dreamed, and I still want more. I don't know when I'll stop."
He paused at the confirmation of his suspicions, waiting for an argument to keep us alive.
"So what makes you think I'm willing to settle for the captain's seat on a ship considered expendable by the wider empire?" His head tilted, the reality of my aims striking him.
"You want to be assigned as a one man operation." There was a laugh in his tone. Our old captain was the only person any of our crew had personally met with the ability to do that. I expect Jernus might be able to do that in another decade or so.
"I want to be assigned as a one man operation." I agreed, before pointing to the pod behind me. "We both want to." Apara talked about getting respect around here, and I knew she'd want to kill Jernus for no other reason than he was the big dog around here, but she could be convinced to leave well enough alone if I pushed for it.
"Can I be honest with you, captain?" I didn't wait for his acknowledgement before I continued. "-I was a different man once. Like every recruit here, and even yourself, I lived a kinder life before the Frost. Now I listen to you, and I make living, breathing people into meals for individuals who used to scare me. I've tasted the flesh of innocent individuals, and enjoyed it simply because it wasn't a bland white paste that already satisfies my needs. I used to hate you. I used to rail against the evil we do, and plan constantly at killing you all."
Now I do it as a thought exercise. A way to keep myself prepared for betrayal. I pulled my hand into his view, showing Jernus the weapon in my hand, before letting it fall to the ground. His eyes didn't follow its descent, but I sensed something relax in him.
"It was a justification. Something that made right all the wrongs I committed in the selfish need to live before joining our victims on a platter. I can't even bring myself to do that anymore. Justify, I mean. Now I just think like everyone else here. The weak die all the time, I live. What justice or vengeance could I offer them or myself?" A dozen worlds came to mind, a dozen flavors of suffering. 8282 flinched at my words, the picture of stillness until those words found her ears. I stepped closer to Jernus, the blades floating behind my back silently mirroring my movement as I closed in.
"I don't need to kill any of you, but I do want off this ship. I want the control I never had, and I'm more than happy to help anyone who helps me get it. All I need from you is support, and a command when the time comes my strength clearly meets our requirements for it. My blood keeps me from living by the same truth as you do, from being certain of how strong I am, but I am sure the time will come I can prove it to everyone else. "
The nearly human features of the red alien who led us slowly became almost thoughtful, the captain searching for something unpalatable in the bargain. He grunted.
"Prove it." He demanded, and I rose a brow. "You want a command? You want me off your back? Prove you have more to give me than a headache going forward."
I clicked my tongue.
"What do you want?" I asked, the world speeding to an all but normal space as adrenaline and ki faded back into the foreground of my being. I had him, for now at least.
"We're almost done here, hell we might have been done today if it weren't for the damned machines they have popping out everywhere. Find a way to shut them down, and you'll have my support for so long as you keep in line."
I inhaled, nodding.
"I… might have an idea or two about how to handle that. In that case though, I have a request." I said, smiling at the warning in Jernus' eyes.
"Our next stop in civilized territory should be on planet Ridge five."