Renaissance of Love
by Castlefan6
A/N: By Request, PRE-Series Hookup, This is the continuation of Diminished Recall; you must read that first, or this won't make sense. CAUTION: THIS IS NOT CASKETT. It continues on Rick's discussion with Alexis about the night he danced, fell in love, and lost contact with a girl in college; sometimes memories come back at the worst time. COMPLETELY AU, except for the conversation that prompted this and the use of some character's names. This picks up immediately after the conclusion of the original, with no time-lapse.
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I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only
This began as a request from CRed1988; I hope it's close to what you wanted.
Chapter 3
Later, on the Same Day, Hamptons
They both settled onto the love seat rather than the big spacious couch; Rick had refreshed her drink, and she kissed him briefly as she sat, "Thanks, Rick, you're always so thoughtful," she said softly,
"A lady should be treated as a lady, always," he replied in a soft tone, locked on her eyes,
"Well, some of what I have to tell you may not be pretty, so please hear me out, then ask any questions you have, OK?" She said,
He started to speak but paused, then picked up the hand closest to him and held it gently.
She nodded in appreciation, took a long breath, and then started, "Rick, when you were overseas, fighting, I tried to start my life again and failed. I don't know if you remember a kid from school, Dan Lamka. He was kind of a nerd but super sweet. Long story short, he finally got the nerve to ask me out two years after graduation.
"I know, I know, the look on your face is saying the past is the past, but please, I need you to know about me, ALL about me. As I was saying, I ran into Dan after graduation. He was just out of a long relationship and not looking for anything permanent, or so he said, and neither did I.
"We started seeing each other casually, then it grew more frequently, and I noticed a change in his demeanor. I had never seen his temper or his tendency to commit violent acts when he freaked out, but they were on full display. It only got worse once I told him I didn't want to see him anymore. He began to stalk me and even went so far as to tell everyone that we were engaged to be married.
"I reported him to the police, well, Campus Police, they had jurisdiction, but they forwarded the report to the County Sherriff's office. I enrolled in the MBA program, and he pinned me against my car one night after I left class; I filed for a protective and restraining order against him and moved in with a girlfriend, Laurie DeFranco.
"He continued to stalk me, and one night, he broke into Laurie's apartment. I wasn't home, and she wasn't supposed to be there either, but she was ill. He started to assault Laurie, but luckily for her, Jerry Brilla, her fiancé, was home and, well, shot him. He died on his way to the hospital, but no charges were filed against Jerry or anyone else.
"I haven't been on a date since Rick; hell, I saw a, well, a number of shrinks for three years just to get through school, and I guess it's no surprise now why I chose the field of medicine I did. In all honesty, I still see a shrink, so if you want to go your separate way, I would"
"Whoa, Whoa, there, young lady. If you think you are going to get rid of me that quickly, you have another thing coming. He smiled as he continued, "My family, me and Mother have and forgive the slang our shrinks on speed dial." she laughed as he held out his phone,
"Laurie, if that is your darkest secret, sweetheart, I am relieved. Look, the loss of life, any life, is always a sad occasion, but if I learned one thing from working with the 12th precinct, some people would just keep pushing the boundaries until they choose execution, either by the police or a private citizen defending his property or loved ones.
"It wasn't your fault, and you did NOTHING wrong, so let's move on with what you wanted to tell me about your past." He said as he gently kissed her and then reclaimed her hand.
"Well, after that incident, I have to admit I tried to track you down, but you had changed your name, and you can imagine my surprise when I bought the book about you and Kyra from a garage sale and discovered you were now Rick Castle.
"I actually hired a private investigator to find out what was going on in your life. I heard you were in a relationship with Lanie; then I heard it was over, and finally, you were seen with her parents. I decided the last thing you needed at that point in your life was another distraction. No matter how I felt about you, how I've always felt about you, I decided to stay in my corner and let you work things out."
She let her tears fall as Rick gently picked her up and set her in his lap, "Laurie, you were never a distraction, and the thing with Lanie, well, once you are finished, I promise to tell you all about what happened." He said as he gently dabbed her tears away,
"Well, I went to work and pretty much made that my life's mission, at least until I saw you at the wedding working with the police. Rick, I almost died; I thought even if you remembered my name, you would still be so hung up on someone else I wouldn't stand a chance." She almost cried,
"Could I ask, how did YOU get through those days, I mean, I" Rick asked,
"I know what you're asking, Rick. Do you want my personal answer or the ones from all of the clinical trials?" She smiled, then said softly, "I have a few songs that have gotten me through some pretty rough times.
"I listen to songs that mean something, either from our time in college or when all I could do was read and dream about a life with you in it. I won't say it was easy, especially after I read of your marriage and becoming a father and being degraded and insulted for so long, but hey, I'm still here." She smiled through a tear gleaming in her eye before it fell down her cheek,
Rick leaned in and kissed the single tear away, "Is this the TERRIBLE life you wanted to tell me about? What had you worried about if I could accept your past? Laurie, your background looks like that of a nun compared to mine." He smiled as she cried a little harder, and he held her for a few minutes.
He gently wiped her tears away, then asked softly, "Can you tell me one song or part of one that kept you going?" He smiled as she began to perk up,
"Well, the most challenging part of my past was when I confirmed you had married your wife and had a little girl. I wanted to quit the entire love scene, but then I went to a concert out of poor boredom and heard the cover of Cher's hit, Do You Believe In Love, and really listened to the words,
No matter how hard I try
You keep pushing me aside.
And I can't break through.
There's no talking to you.
It's so sad that you're leaving.
It takes time to believe it.
But after all is said and done.
You're gonna be the lonely one, oh
Do you believe in life after love?
I can feel something inside me say
I really don't think you're strong enough, no.
Do you believe in life after love?
I can feel something inside me say
I really don't think you're strong enough, no
What am I supposed to do?
Sit around and wait for you?
Well, I can't do that.
And there's no turning back.
"I know they don't fit exactly. You never pushed me aside, but my love for you had to stay in my heart. I had to decide to get back out there in the dating pool, and then I thought, I have my memories, and no one can take them from me. One good memory of you was enough to get me by.
"You won't remember it, but you bought me a birthday cake and gave me a stuffed animal."
"It was a little lion, and I told you that you were one of the strongest ladies I met, and the lion fit your personality," Rick said,
"You remember? Even to the words you said to me?" She said as she hugged him around the neck,
"Of course, I remember, it was your favorite cake, at least at the time, carrot cake. I remember because I went to three bakeries before I found one that would make it on such short notice. Kyra mentioned that we had to get you a card for your Birthday a few nights before." Rick said as she hugged him even tighter,
"Do you remember what happened, Rick?" she asked shyly.
"Shelia came up with an excuse that she needed her daughter, so you got stuck going to dinner with me alone," Rick said sadly,
"I wasn't stuck, and I talked to Kyra and told her if it would upset her, I wouldn't go. She said it's Rick and you. I'm not worried, so enjoy your birthday. It was all I could do to remember that you were in love with my best friend, so I pretended, at least for one night, I was the girl that made you smile." She lowered her head,
"Well, I never forgot that night and the birthday kiss I gave you on your cheek when I took you home," Rick said,
"Yeah, stupid me, I still have your handkerchief from that night; hell, I sealed it in a plastic bag, and when things got really bad, I would take it out and, well."
"I'm sorry you went through all that. I really am, and I hope I never hurt you; it was never my intention," Rick said, very seriously suddenly.
"Rick, you never hurt me. The situation hurt me, Kyra hurt me; she knew how much I loved you and that I would do anything to take away the misery you must have been suffering, but she never let on,"
"So, you spent three month's salary on a phone bill to chew her ass out," Rick laughed, "I wish I would have known; God, how stupid are guys? "He asked
"I asked that many nights when I was alone. I never wanted to leave New York, but it got to the point where I hurt when I saw you, and I hurt even more when I didn't. I knew that if I stayed, I would say or do something, and you would end up being just a friend; you didn't cheat, period.
"I wouldn't do that to a friend, especially Kyra, so I had to leave for self-preservation. I don't know how I survived the first few months, but I had one great memory." She said,
"Wow, all I can say is I'm so sorry; I wish I had been more observant, not only of Kyra's attempts to try to let me down easy but the true affection I always felt when I was around you. God, men are total assholes, and I fall right in that category. And then to think what you endured," tears came to his eyes,
"Well, let's just say that I was stupid ever to start a relationship with someone, anyone, when I knew that only one person could ever fulfill my dreams. I blamed myself for the abuse, which only empowered him for more abuse, and if events hadn't turned out the way they had, God only knows where I would be today."
Rick was quiet for a minute, then turned her head and said, "People laugh when I talk about the universe, but I believe we are all here, I mean on this planet Earth, for some reason. I also believe that there is a soul mate to each of us, and many times, we get it wrong about who that person is until life intervenes and straightens things out." He held her tightly as she laid her head on his shoulder,
"Rick, I never laughed or made fun of you when you talked about the universe. I guess I was secretly hoping that something would happen, not to hurt Kyra or you, but something that would put us together. I had hoped for it so long, and I looked at the events of the last day or so. My God, a wedding, who gets killed at a wedding, and how can I reunite with a man I have been in love with since I was, well, forever." She stole a glance at him, and that's when he kissed her gently, not like I want to ravage your body, but the kiss that expresses I care about you deeply.
"I know. Who would ever have guessed we would be reunited at my ex's wedding, which got delayed by the homicide of one of her bridesmaids? I'm just so thankful it wasn't you that got hurt or worse."
She laughed gently, "It's a crazy story, that's for sure," she said softly,
"Well, are you ready to hear the true and uncut version of how Ricky Rogers became Rick Castle and how I wound up with a beautiful 14-year-old daughter? He asked softly,
She said, "If you want to tell it, I'm ready." She laid her head back on his shoulder as he gently stroked her back.
"If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask. I mean, some details might not make sense to you, hell they don't make sense to my shrink sometimes," he smiled,
"Hey, don't forget you have a shrink sitting in your lap, and I promise it will be Laurie who has been in love with you forever, not Laurie who sees patients as messed up as I used to be." She said softly and kissed his cheek.
"Are you sure you want to hear this, Laurie? Some parts aren't going to be pretty," he asked her again gently.
"Yes, whatever happened is in the past, and it can't be any worse than the dreams and visions of horror I dreamed up on those nights I missed you so much." She said, snuggling in tight
"OK, he took a deep breath and explained step by step about Kyra, the train station, Jordan Bailes, and then the mysterious Allison, who turned out to be Lanie. He spoke softly and explained the relationship between Lanie's parents and him, trying to downplay his time in the service or his wounds and stay in the military hospital."
"Rick, I know what happened. Kyra found out; I don't know how, but she called me and asked if I would be willing to see you and take care of you once you got home. She never stopped loving you, Rick, and I'm sorry I wasn't brave enough to take her up on that opportunity,
"Hey, water over the damn, let's move on if you don't mind," Laurie knew that Rick had suffered more than he was letting on, but to push him on it, was against all of her clinical training.
"Sure, I'm not going anywhere until you make me, so when or if you want to talk about it, I'm here."
TBC
A/N: Sorry for the length of time between updates, but I am limited to the amount of time the eyes will tolerate being on the computer. For the next two weeks, we will be out of town for a family medical issue, so there will NOT be an update for at least three weeks, sorry but I wanted to give you the heads up, I am not abandoning it, just taking a lot longer than anticipated, Thanks for your understanding, - Tim