A/N - As promised, more frequent updates. Taken is next. Let me know your thoughts on this chapter. Thank you all for reading.
"I suppose when you think it makes a lot of sense," she wondered aloud as she watched Fitz finish his reps from the bench press in their gym. She was eating a bag of extreme butter popcorn, comfortably lounging on the bench with her shirt pulled up from her naked belly.
He was lifting his weights just a few feet away from her. He enjoyed it when she kept him company while he worked out. He much preferred listening to her talk than playing music as he usually did.
"I mean, at the Olympics, there are athletes with all sorts of natural and genetic advantages. I looked it up, Michael Phelps has low lactic acid production like you…so it takes him longer to fatigue during a race, he has twice the lung capacity as the average person and freakishly long arms- even for someone his height, making him one of the world's greatest swimmers. If the government is going to recruit the best special ops team they can find, it would be people like you…you're an extremely intelligent, very large, very powerful man... with low pain perception, and twice the endurance as the average person, and a sociopath. You're kind of like an Olympian of the military." She fed herself a handful of popcorn and chewed.
When he did his last rep and rested it on the barbell on the hook, he laughed. "That's a gentle…quite flattering way to put it."
He sat up and wiped his sweat with a towel. His hair was wet and slick back from his sweat.
"I used to call the lot of you a band of psychopaths," she said with a chuckle.
"You were right," Fitz said. "Everyone had some issue. If you weren't a sociopath then you were a psychopath or something else, it was rare to find someone who wasn't diagnosed with something. One guy felt no pain at all.""
"Really? Like if you chopped his arm off he'd not be aware of that?"
"His pain receptors didn't function at all which sucked for him because he had internal bleeding after a really bad fight and we didn't figure it out until it was too late…because he couldn't feel anything."
"Wow. "
Fitz chuckled and stood then walked to her and picked her up. She squealed as he wrapped her legs around his waist then crumbled her bag of popcorn in her hand and wrapped her arm around his shoulders. She pressed her face against the neck and inhaled deeply, taking in his smell. "You smell so good," she groaned.
He squeezed her ass firmly and Olivia dropped her bag of popcorn on the floor and she crashed her lips against his. He tasted the salty, buttery popcorn she was snacking on.
Fitz lowered her to the ground as she sucked on his tongue and kissed him with hunger and urgency. She broke the kiss to catch her breath. "I need you," she moaned.
He lifted her hips and pulled her shorts and panties off in one quick motion before he opened her legs around his face and ravenously licked her plump pussy. As she went further into her pregnancy, she was wetter and more plump than usual and that led to short but especially intense bursts of sex.
She bit her lips and arched her back. Fitz squeezed tighter around her thigh. "Yesss," she cried out as her legs began to tremble. He leaned up and lifted her into his lap and pulled his erect penis from his shorts and slid into her quickly. She was swollen and wet and hot. "Fuckkkkk," he groaned loudly in pleasure before he began thrusting deep and punctuated inside her. He could feel her swelling more around him as her arousal grew until she began squirting as he was inside her. Her moaning rose an octave higher as her squirting orgasm turned into a deep vaginal one. Her legs shook around him and she was too caught up in her own delicious pleasure to notice when Fitz's orgasmed as well. As she came down from her high and opened her eyes she realized. As usual, their pleasure was time perfectly and even when she wasn't paying attention, their bodies were in sync. She had a thin sheen of sweat covering her face and she was breathless, which was increasing as she grew further into pregnancy.
Fitz smiled and pressed his face lightly against her belly and kissed it. "Pregnancy sex shouldn't be this fucking good," he groaned.
That was another reason he loved it when she joined him on his workouts. It inevitably ended in a great fuck.
Olivia laughed as she ran her hands through his sweaty hair. "I just love the way you smell after working out. I don't know what it is but it makes me so hot."
"The pheromones probably," he said as he leaned up.
"Is that actually a real thing?" She asked.
"That's unclear," he said as he pulled out of her. His shorts and the bottom of his shirt were soaked with her squirt.
She laughed as she pulled his face to her and kissed him, "I fucking love you." He smiled and kissed her again. "I fucking love you too."
When he broke the kiss she leaned up slowly until she was sitting up. She felt his cum running down her lips slowly. Fitz pulled up his shorts before he helped her to raise her hips so she could pull her shorts and panties up. Once she was clothed he helped her up and she stood. Fitz took the towel he'd been using and wiped up the wet spot on the floor then he picked up her bag of popcorn.
"Ready for a shower?" He asked.
"And a nap then as soon as Tinka is in I want a massage," she said. "that took a lot out of me."
"You can have whatever you want," he said softly as they headed up to their bedroom. He tossed the popcorn and towel in the trash as they left the gym. He kissed her shoulder from behind and they headed upstairs. They took a shower together and Olivia readied herself for bed. The plan for the day was for Fitz to spend the morning at Grant headquarters, taking care of some business and setting a plan in place for his governance of the company, since he would no longer be in California. He left after the girls were awake and Sonia had arrived.
Later when Olivia woke up, it was almost noon. She sat up and checked her phone and saw Fitz texted her a few times. She opened it to read them.
Husband: We had a great fucking 2nd quarter. Do you want me to buy you a castle?
After reading the first text she chuckled.
Husband: Heading back. Still thinking about how fucking amazing your pussy felt this morning. PREGNANCY PUSSY ROCKS!
Her mouth fell open and she couldn't stop laughing. He texted her just a few minutes ago so she didn't expect him to be home yet.
Wife: I just woke up, I'll see you in a bit and yes, I wouldn't mind a castle at all.
She freshened up in the bathroom before she went looking for Sonia and her girls. She checked their playroom and didn't hear them upstairs so she texted Sonia and Sonia texted back a second later that they were in the garden. She changed from her pajamas and put on a maxi dress which is what she'd been wearing a lot through the summer as her belly grew. She went out to the garden and found the girls with Sonia, helping their gardener Greg water the plants and pick flowers. She stood at the end of the pavement and watched them. Zeus was close by, walking around as Greg tried to prevent him from digging up grass.
"Hi girls," she said. "Can I have some kisses?"
Lily, Daisy, and Isabelle ran over and kissed her.
"Mommy, we're picking flowers for you," Lily said before she headed back to her activity.
Olivia smiled, "you are?"
"Yeah, it's gonna be so pretty Mommy," Isabelle said with a smile as she ran back with Daisy "I can't wait to see them," Olivia said with a smile before she walked closer to Sonia who was sitting on the stone carved bench.
"Getting there huh," Sonia said.
Olivia chuckled and shook her head, "I'm so tired. I don't remember being this tired when I was pregnant with Lily."
"He's a fatty, that's why, he's eating all your food," Sonia joked.
Olivia laughed, "ugh, I really didn't think it through. Lily was a small baby, she was a little long but weight wise she was small, so were the twins. Fitz's size never really factored into my mind when it came to their size until now-" she said then she remembered. "Oh Sonia I need to talk to you about a few really important things but I have pregnancy brain so I keep forgetting."
"Sit down," Sonia said. "Don't stand too long if you don't have to."
Olivia moved and sat beside Sonia.
"So, we finalized some things with our move. Fitz is having a ton of renovation to the house, he wants all the windows to be bulletproof and the add glass to the stair railing- it's a whole thing so we set our move date for August 1st. That's about 5 weeks before I'm due. We rented out a floor of a new apartment building nearby," Olivia said. "It has a few units. Rumi wants to move to New York and so does Paul but I'm making sure you get the nicest apartment on the floor. It's a beautiful two-bedroom highrise. It'll be fully furnished, obviously."
"Two bedrooms? Is it just me?" Sonia said.
"But what if any of your children or even your grandchildren want to visit you," Olivia said. "I just wanted to make sure you had the option to have company…which speaking of company I have a gift for you."
Sonia smiled, "you give me too much as it is already. Don't do anything too big now."
Olivia grinned, "actually, maybe I should save that for last."
Sonia playfully nudged her, "Don't do that to me. You know I can't be surprised. I want to know right away."
"Okay, okay, I have a speech planned," Olivia said playfully and then she took a breath. "Sonia- you know you mean so much to me-" immediately her eyes got wet and she bit her lips to stop herself from crying. She turned away from the girls who had their backs turned to her as they dug in the dirt with Greg and talked his ear off.
Sonia hugged her and scolded her gently. "Stop it right now. Don't you dare cry or we'll both be crying."
She wiped her eyes and drew in a deep breath then let it out. "Okay," she said again then took another deep breath. "I won't do the big speech I had planned about how much you mean to me and how much I love you," she said. "Just know that I do and I wouldn't have survived Fitz being gone and then having three little babes without you-"
"Don't say that," Sonia said.
"It's true!" Olivia said. "But, that aside, I want you to have some time to relax before we head off to New York. I planned a trip for you for the next three weeks. You have the jet all for yourself, I planned stops for you at resorts in Monaco, Mykonos, Santorini and the Amalfi coast. The jet holds nine passengers but I'm sending you with a concierge to take care of you while your there so you can bring up to 7 people with you. I know you only have a week's notice so if you want to bring anyone and they can't have vacation days and they want to take unpaid leave just have them bill me for those days and I'll pay them for it. Just let Rumi know and she'll coordinate it all."
Sonia shook her head, "Gosh Olivia-I don't know what to say when you do these things."
"Say you'll go," Olivia said.
Sonia's eyes filled with tears and Olivia smiled, "now who's crying?" she asked playfully.
"You know, before I worked for you, I'd gone through so many years…the best gift I'd ever gotten up until I met you was a big edible arrangements basket I think, my kids bought it for me for my birthday one year and my husband was useless, he was the was meanest, stingiest man I'd ever met."
Olivia chuckled, "good thing he's not your husband anymore. You're too good for him."
She chuckled as well. "I'm just saying the things you've done for me, I never imagined. The house you bought for me, the money you pay in salary and the gifts you give me, I want for nothing and I'm so grateful. The only thing stressing me these days are my idiot son and my family who won't stop begging me for every penny I work."
"Don't let them stress you out," Olivia said with a chuckle. "Especially your brother."
"I can't stand him," Sonia blurted out.
Olivia guffawed and laughed even harder. "So, are you going to go?"
"Of course," Sonia answered. "I'm going to bring my friends and two of my church sisters and lay up on the beach in my sexy one piece."
"That's more like it!" Olivia said. "And when you get back we'll talk about your retirement. We need to plan for it now because I swear, I'm going to cry for an entire month before you go."
"I'm not leaving anytime soon"
"I know but we should still talk about it. You've been working all your life Sonia, I want you to retire early."
Sonia agreed, "I've been working since I had babies and I had babies so early I didn't even know what hole babies came out of when I got pregnant."
"You know," Olivia said. "With the ages of your children and how old you told me you were, I did the mental math and you were so young I just pretended I couldn't count and never brought it up."
"It was Jamaica in the early 70s and my family was dirt poor," she said. "There's a lot I didn't know then that I know now."
"When you retire, would you go back there to live?"
"Not in the beginning, I'd split my time between both until I was really old or sick then I'd move there close to the end of my life. I want to be buried there, beside my parents."
Olivia nodded, "that sounds beautiful."
They both heard the gates open and Fitz drove down the driveway in their black Maybach and parked behind their Porsche. Lily stood and looked when she heard the car, Daisy and Isabelle looked as well. "Daddy's back home," Isabelle said. Lily brought a bunch of flowers over to Olivia and Sonia. "This is for you mommy and this is for you Sonia."
Olivia smiled and kissed her, "I love them, they're gorgeous."
Sonia kissed lily's cheek as well, "Thank you, baby, I'm gonna put it in water when I get home and show off on my grandkids."
Lily laughed. Daisy and Isabelle brought over flowers as well and moments later Fitz approached her with a beautiful bouquet but was confused that she already had flowers.
"Daddyyyy," Lily yelled with a smile.
All three of them ran to him and hugged his legs. He was wearing a dark navy suit and crisp white button down though his jacket was thrown over his arms. He wore it with a steely blue tie. He smiled as they hugged him with their dirty hands and clothes before they went back to digging in the dirt. Fitz walked closer to Olivia and handed her the flowers. "You already have flowers?"
She smiled, "the girls gave them to me."
"I have competition it seems."
She rolled her eyes playfully, "these are beautiful, thank you."
They were a beautiful bouquet of pink and orange and green ranunculus stems along with pink peonies and green roses.
Fitz leaned over and kissed her. "You're welcome. Did you eat?"
Olivia bit her lips and smiled, "I forgot."
Fitz groaned, "Sonia help me. She's gonna give me a fucking heart attack."
Sonia laughed, "Olivia go inside and eat before you give your husband a heart attack.
"Alright alright," she said as she stood from the bench.
Fitz walked inside with her and took her to the kitchen where Greg was preparing lunch.
"Can you believe she hasn't eaten all morning," Fitz said to Greg.
"I had popcorn."
Fitz glared at her.
"Fine, popcorn doesn't count."
"What do you feel like eating?" Greg asked with a chuckle.
"I'll just eat whatever you're making for lunch," she said. "But until it's finished, maybe some orange juice and fruit."
He nodded and began preparing her food. Fitz leaned over and kissed her cheek once she placed her flowers on the counter. "I'm going to change for our session. I'll be right back."
"Alright," she said as she headed off to find a vase for her flowers. Greg quickly put a snack together for her and she munched on it as she combined all her flowers into a beautiful arrangement in the vase. Fitz returned minutes later. They had a few things to do before the day ended. They had afternoon sessions with both the girl's therapist and theirs. Rumi was working remotely but she needed to have a phone call with her to discuss a few things regarding their move. She needed to call their interior decorator for both their homes and she wanted to squeeze a massage somewhere in there. After lunch with Fitz and the girls and Sonia, she decided to have her massage first. Then the girl's therapist arrived and they had a 40 minute session with her. Olivia took a break between the girls' session and the start of her session with Fitz to call her assistant while Sonia brought the twins up for a nap and Fitz stayed with Lily. She didn't have time to call the interior decorator before she had to return to Fitz and dr. Nandi who had just arrived.
They met in the den as usual and once they were seated and settled after greetings, Dr. Nanda pulled a few documents from her bag. "So as I mentioned at our last meeting, I expected to get the results of the report from Dr. Fisher's office and I've had a chance to review it," she said. "Would you like to begin with a discussion of the results or would you like to pick up where we left off?"
"I think we should discuss the results," Olivia said.
Fitz nodded as well.
"Okay, let's start with a quick check in. How many episodes have you had since our last session?"
"Not as many as I've had the week before. That's about as specific as I can be. They aren't that random anymore, there has to be a thought or a memory that triggers it, " Fitz said. "There were a few days where there were no panic attacks at all."
She made notes in her journal before she opened her laptop to pull up the report then passed two physical copies to Olivia and Fitz in case they wanted to follow along.
"Should we start with what's a bit more concerning first?" she asked.
"Oh," Olivia said nervously. "Is everything okay?"
"Well," Dr. Nandi began but then she hesitated.
"I thought you said you were a straight shooter?" Fitz joked.
Dr. Nandi sighed, "fair enough," she conceded. "There are a few things we need to be concerned about. First, you have extensive brain damage. I'm surprised you are as functional as you are and I know we've talked about the incident of you falling from an aircraft and the amnesia that occurred as a result- that and your career in the military certainly explains it but there is some concern between Dr. Fisher and myself early onset Alzheimer's or dementia as a result of the visible damage on your brain. if you flip to page number 5, you will see an image of your brain in comparison to an image of a typical, healthy brain."
Olivia skipped to the page quickly and looked. There was a stark difference. Fitz turned the page as well and looked as well.
"That is the first issue I want to discuss. The second issue is the ptsd, if you flip to page 6, you will see an image of your brain compared to a healthy brain. The green color is the activity in the amygdala which is the fear center of the brain. There is excessive activity in your amygdala, which just confirms my diagnosis of severe ptsd which is triggering your panic and anxiety. The connections between your prefrontal cortex and amygdala are very weak, which is physical evidence of your anxiety and panic. This is a real medical issue that has developed from your altered brain. I think it's time you seriously consider medication.
"Along with ongoing therapy which I strongly, strongly encourage you to take seriously as you move to another state, in fact I would like you to begin your search for a new clinician now so I can spend some time consulting with them to share all information from these last couple of months of treatment. I am going to prescribe you Sertraline and klonopin for your panic and anxiety as well as a sleeping pill I would advise you to take as needed-"
Fitz cut her off, "I'm not taking sleeping pills. Absolutely not."
"Fitz, if she thinks-"
"Olivia, I'll take the other two things. I'm not going to be drugged to sleep. I'm a very light sleeper and that's not a fun little quirk about me. I trained myself that way because I need to be able to wake up and know what the fuck is going on."
"You don't think that's a part of the problem. Being so anxious and on edge even in your sleep. If your wife fixes her pillow you're awake?"
"Some problems are necessary," he said.
"I understand," Dr. Nandi said. "that's a part of the problem, isn't it? Your physically and mentally heightened state is necessary to keep you safe. What we're trying to do here is find a place where you are best able to function so we'll just try the klonopin and sertraline. Those should keep your panic attack at a minimum and it should also help with your anxiety and obsessive thoughts about others harming your family."
Fitz nodded in agreement then turned to Olivia for approval. She nodded as well, deciding he was right on the sleeping pill issue.
"Now," Dr. Nandi said as she turned her attention to Olivia. "I have an issue and I need to get it off my chest."
"Oh brother," Fitz groaned. "What the hell else did I do?"
She shook her head, "not you," she said. "Olivia, I just want to question whether you plan to seek any treatment? Having these conversations with you both in these past couple of months - you are most likely suffering from everything that he is suffering from to some degree...possibly even more but you haven't sought any treatment."
"The sessions aren't about me," Olivia said. "I'm only here to facilitate his treatment. I don't have panic attacks, my anxiety is minimal if not completely absent."
"You don't think there's anything that might be going on internally?" she asked.
"I just think...look I know I've been through alot but I'm used to it-" she said then realized what she said. Fitz turned to her. "-I don't mean it like that, I just mean I have my own way to process and deal with my issues."
"What is the worst thing that's ever happened to you?" Dr. Nandi asked.
Olivia took a breath before she responded, realizing she couldn't be a hypocrite with how much she pressured Fitz into participating in the therapy, she couldn't now lash out because she didn't want to answer. Fitz had talked about alot and shared a lot, though it was mostly about his attacks, symptoms, triggers, behaviors, his fears around their deaths or harm, and his fear of being unable to stop said death or harm. They hadn't gotten into the depths of their relationships or even Olivia's history.
"I don't know what that is," she answered honestly.
"You don't know what the worst thing that's happened to you is?" Dr. Nandi asked.
"No, I don't- it really depends," Olivia answered. She could feel Fitz staring at her but she was looking straight ahead at Dr. Nandi.
"Depends on what?" she asked.
"Whether you're asking what's the worst thing that's happened that humiliated me, or physically hurt me or emotionally crushed me. There have been a lot so I categorize them and then I never talk about them again...if I can help it"
"Why don't you talk about them?"
Olivia shook her head.
"Come on," Dr. Nandi said. "I've watched you session after session, encouraging your husband to talk and truly the only reason I think he allowed me within 10 feet of him is because of you but I also know the only reason you're here is because of him. You're not here for yourself. Maybe I'm overstepping but what's happening here is that you have your husband on one hand who experience that night on the island and his reaction is to say, that can never happen again, my wife was hurt, my children were hurt and in order to prevent that from happening again I have to obsess about safety to the point where it physically affects me because if it does happen again it will be the worst thing in the world-
"-then there's you on the other hand, and your reaction is well, I got strangled, I got my head smash in and I was in and out of a coma but eh, that's just life and actually husband, you shouldn't stress yourself about it because if it happens again, maybe I'll survive, maybe I don't, you have to be okay with either," Dr. Nandi finished.
"That's not even remotely true," Olivia said as she stood. "and I'm done talking about any of this."
Olivia walked out of the den but stopped right outside the door, out of view of both Fitz and Dr. Nandi. She was annoyed at dr. Nandi and at herself. She wasn't prepared to go that direction and she didn't like that such a heavy topic was sprung on her...even if it was to call out her hypocrisy.
She leaned against the wall and lowered herself to the floor, knowing it would be hard to pull herself back up but she didn't care. A second later Fitz walked out of the den and closed the door behind him then he sat beside her on the floor. Neither said a word for a moment. Really he was quiet because he wanted to gauge her mood. Olivia was quiet because she didn't know what to say.
"If you say 'I told you so' I'm going into labor, I swear," she said. Her tone was dry but he knew she was joking.
"If I think it, will you still go into labor?"
"Yes," she said.
He chuckled, "alright then I won't say it and I won't fucking think it."
Olivia sighed, "I'm a hypocrite, I know. I'm demanding you talk about all these things and deal with all these things when I'm not doing the same."
"You're not a hypocrite," he said. "It's different."
"Is it really?" she asked in earnest.
"It is," he said. "We both lost our mothers too young and my father was horrible but yours…he was a monster so we've had very different lives. I know there are things you don't tell me and I don't ask because I probably couldn't handle hearing it."
She smiled to stop herself from crying. "You'd go on a rampage looking for men to murder."
"It would be glorious because they'd all deserve it," Fitz said. "Don't let me start fantasizing about murdering people, I'm a family man now."
She chuckled and then let out a breath. "I'm proud of myself for not bursting out in tears there."
Fitz shook his head, "so, what are we going to do now?"
"Can you help me up?" She said then chuckled at herself. "I had no idea how I was going to get up after I sat here."
Fitz stood and then held her by both arms and easily pulled her up then he followed her lead as they walked back inside. Olivia sat on the couch and Fitz sat beside her.
"I apologize. I did spring that on you and I'm sorry. It's an observation I made over a few sessions and as a therapist it might not have been best practice to try to resolve that all in one sitting," Dr. Nandi said.
"Thanks for your apology but you are right."
"Should we make a plan to tackle this?" she asked. "possibly in a few sessions, when you feel ready?"
"It's alright, I had a moment earlier but I'm fine to go on."
"Okay," Dr. Nandi said. "Can you explain a bit more about how you compartmentalize your bad experiences?"
"Sure," Olivia said.
Dr. Nandi watched with interest.
"Most of the worst experiences that I've had I never talk about because then I can pretend they never actually happened and they just exist in my head. The less I talk about them, the more details I forget and the less real it is." Her eyes filled with tears as she continued speaking. "When it comes to what happened that night...the way I see it, my daughters were safe, my husband was safe and yes, I was hurt but at least I had someone who was there for me...who cared for me and protected me because that's not typically how it has been. For a really long time I've had to accept that I would be hurt and that I would feel pain because there was no other choice, maybe some of that lingers today but I'm much better off. I'm the happiest I've ever been so I can't dwell on that one night."
Dr. Nandi nodded. "Do you have an answer for me? Are you able to vocalize it?"
Olivia nodded, "the worst thing that's happened to me? It's not hard to guess," she said.
Fitz prepared himself. If it was something that he did that was the worst thing that ever happened to her he would be crushed because that really isn't how it should be and that's not what he wanted for her.
"It has to be the experience of watching him or you know thinking he'd gotten beheaded and having to witness that. At that point in our lives...or my life more specifically, things had just begun to change for me, for the better. I felt safe, I was in a really loving, passionate, affectionate relationship. I had Lily and I loved being a mom. Fitz had to leave for the military so our typical routine was off but it didn't matter, he'd been an amazing partner before that... and the way he loved and took care of Lily meant it took little convincing on my part when it came time to conceive again. I felt like my life was just becoming stable and I was beginning...I didn't feel like I was in survival mode. I felt like I was...living. I'd worked so hard to not hate myself or be humiliated by everything that happened in my past.
"All of that went away, just like that and I was in survival mode again. Grieving the only man I'd ever loved or who'd ever loved me, trying to figure out how I would protect not just Lily but two other babies and feeling as if I was failing at it all because I couldn't get over the fact that he was gone."
"That turned out to be a good thing, didn't it," Dr. Nandi said. "The one thing you felt like you were failing at was really just you following your gut because he'd been alive."
Olivia smiled, "Well yes, now I can say and think that but at the time, I felt like I was failing or I was pathetic for not being able to accept that he was dead. People would speak to me as if I were on an entire different planet and I was out of my mind and I hated that. I actually really fucking hated that. Half the things people did they thought they were helping but it actually just made it so much harder.
"What do you mean?"
"This might be silly but, my sister, she was there for me through it all but in the midst of that she would not stop trying to get me to date other men. It made me so angry and we fell out of it a few times."
"Did she ever tell you why she was so adamant about that?"
Olivia shook her head, "she thought I was playing into some sexist trope of the woman staying a widow forever. She thought it was pathetic of me to stay single even after Fitz mentioned in a letter he wrote to me in his will that he wouldn't want me to be alone."
"What did you think?"
"I wasn't alone. I had my children, I had Sonia, I had my sister. Aside from that, I think that over my dead body would I allow strange men to be around my daughters..at any age much less an age where they wouldn't be able to tell me they were getting hurt. Secondly, the fact that I fell in love with Fitz- "She looked at him and smiled shyly, "I'm sorry honey but this is the truth, before I met you I was 1000% sure I would never fall in love with a man or be with a man at all. All the experiences that I'd had up to that point made me terrified of even trusting a man with my body let alone my heart. The fact that I fell in love with you when I was explicitly trying not to is a miracle." She said. Fitz chuckled in response. "Anyhow, I just felt like I was sure he was the only man I would ever love or trust and if he was gone then I was okay with being alone romantically. I wanted everyone else to respect that."
Fitz smiled and so did Dr. Nandi as she watched him. "Why are you smiling?"
"That wasn't what I was expecting to hear," he said with a small smile. "Don't ask me to elaborate."
"Okay," Dr. Nandi said as he moved on. They continued the sessions which ran over the time they planned and when they were finished, it was late afternoon.
Fitz took Olivia's hands and pulled her up from the couch. Dr. Nandi had already left the room.
"How are you feeling?" he asked.
"Strangely, I feel good," she said. "talking about all of that felt good." She wrapped her arms around him with her large belly pressed between them. "She might be a fucking good therapist after all," Fitz said.
Olivia nodded and smiled. "Yes."
They walked out of the den. "I have to go and have another massage. I'll be back in a bit. I deserve it."
They both knew they would have to talk about what happened in the session more seriously, Fitz's results from the brain scans along with some of what Olivia shared but for now it could wait.
He laughed, "Okay, I'll be with the girls."
Olivia nodded as she headed away. She met Tinka for a quick 30 minute massage before she left for the day. When she went to find Fitz and the girls, they were outside in the pool. It was just after 5 pm. She walked over to them. Fitz was sitting by the edge with his feet in the water, reading a book while the girls swam. She sat on the edge of the pool beside him and put her feet in the water but it took some effort. She looked over the cover of his book, he was quite focused on it and he was almost finished. The cover read 'confinement'.
"Do I even want to know what that's about?" she asked.
"I'll tell you when I'm done with it," he said, then he closed the book to give her his attention. "How do you feel?" he asked.
"Great," she said.
"Good," he said. "Sonia is gone but Pam is coming over. I'm taking you out tonight."
She smiled, "where will we go?"
"A small concert," he said. "It's that weird band you love. It's at a bar so I don't expect the food to be good, we'll eat before we head there."
"That's perfect," she said as she stood out of the water. Fitz frowned. "Where are you going?"
"To choose an outfit, nothing fits anymore and I refuse to by maternity clothes so it might take some time," she said. "What time is the concert?"
"8:30," he said.
"Perfect," she said as she headed back to the house.
"Where is mommy going Daddy?" Lily asked as she swam over.
"She's going to get ready," Fitz said. "I'm taking her on a date."
"Again?" Lily asked exasperated.
"Yes, again," Fitz said playfully.
She walked to the closet after taking a bath and began to look through her clothes. She loved that they'd been going out more. As she was telling Dr. Nandi, she felt like she was living again and not just surviving. After flipping through clothes for a while, she found a pair of loose jeans that fit low on her belly and a light yellow tank top to wear it with. She found some vintage Chanel earrings and bracelets and a pair of flat sandals. Once she finished putting together her outfit she went to take a bath and began fixing her hair. As she was combing her hair into a low, slicked back bun Fitz walked in with a towel around his shoulders.
"Pam is giving the girls a bath," he said.
"Great," she said, then she turned around and puckered her lips as he approached. Fitz kissed her softly. "I'm gonna wash off," he said.
Olivia nodded and went over to her vanity to begin her makeup. Fitz finished his shower as she was still finishing up her makeup and headed to the closest to dress in a pair of jeans and a plain white t-shirt. Olivia called that outfit his uniform because he always wore some variation of that look if she didn't dress him. Sometimes he traded jeans for black or blue chinos but it was all the same in Olivia's eyes. He brushed his hair and put on deodorant before he headed to check on the girls. Olivia couldn't take the smell of cologne anymore as it was too harsh for her sensitive sense of smell during pregnancy so he didn't year it.
The girls were still in the bath when Fitz walked in.
"Alright, you're going to have dinner with Pam and watch a movie. You have to go to bed right after, no fussing okay. We have a long day tomorrow and you won't be able to nap and I don't want you to be tired," Fitz said.
Lily squealed, "I can't wait to see Disneyland." She turned to Pam, "Daddy said there are princess castles that are so big. I'm so excited."
"Me too," Isabelle and Daisy said together.
"Alright, I'll come back and tell you goodnight before I leave with your mother okay?"
They nodded together. Fitz headed back to their bedroom. Olivia was getting dressed. He plopped down on the sofa in their bedroom to wait for her and about ten minutes later she emerged fully dressed. "I'm ready darling," she said.
He stood from the couch, "The girls should be downstairs," he said as he walked to her and wrapped her in his arms. She grinned. "Come here you sexy little fox," he groaned as he wrapped his arms around her. "You look good," he groaned.
Olivia bit her lips and grinned. "What was it that I said earlier," he whispered.
"Pregnancy pussy rocks?" she said, struggling to control her laughter.
"Yeah, that was it," he said.
She laughed so hard she had to hold her belly and in the midst of it, little Fitz kicked. "He kicked," she said as she reached for his hand and brought it to the spot. It stopped for a moment then she felt it again, as did Fitz. He smiled and kissed her shoulder. "I can't wait till he's here," he said.
"Me too," she said with a smile. "I just want to hug him and kiss him and smell him. They smell so good when they just come out."
She turned around and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. Fitz wrapped his arms around her waist. "Are you ready for a fun night?"
She nodded and kissed him, "I am."
They headed off to say goodbye to the girls who were sitting at the dining table eating the thyme roast chicken breast and broccolini Greg prepared. After saying goodbye they walked to the car and Fitz opened the door for her on the passenger side. Olivia sat and Fitz walked around and got into the driver seat of their black Mercedes Maybach. He drove down the yard gate and stopped then got out. Olivia waited as he spoke to the team of guards and agents briefly then headed back to the car and got in the driver's seat once again. They opened the automatic gates and he pulled out and one black sedan pulled off behind them.
"What are we going to eat?" she asked as he drove down the hill.
"Lucky told me about a great food truck."
She smiled, "do you remember that the first time we went out to dinner together it was at a food truck park?"
"Yes," he said. "and that's exactly where I'm taking you again.
"Alright, that's perfect," she said as she settled in her seat. "How was your meeting today?"
"It went well," he said. "I've said this a million times but the CEO you chose is great. She'll fly to New York with her direct reports and a couple of people from legal and we'll have quarterly meetings barring some emergency or pr issue. I think that works for me, I can't be too hands off but I don't want to be involved in the day-to-day or even the month to month," he said.
"Yeah, I totally understand. I have to meet with my team next week and for the first time since I started my career I'm just not that interested. I just want to get this meeting over with, which is so strange for me because I've loved designing and creating for so long."
"And you're damn good at it," he said. "But you've worked so hard for so long, maybe this is burnout."
"I agree with everything you've said, obviously," she said with a chuckle. "I just think I threw myself into work and mothering and perfection when you were gone. I just want to enjoy my time away from working. Once I go back, I want to actually want to be there and that'll only happen if I truly take a break. I regret not doing it sooner actually, I should've taken leave as soon as you got home."
"I get it," he said. "To be honest, I think you didn't do that because I left to go back to the base that one time. I feel like you decided then that you wouldn't change too much incase I left again. It would be harder for you to readjust. You had mentioned taking a leave but you didn't."
"Good, I was just a brat about that."
"You weren't, it was just one of those things where as much as I know it hurt you, I still had to go."
"I know and I feel terrible because I made such a fuss about it but I was so upset, I missed you so much and just the thought or the chance that you could slip away again just sent me into a rage."
He pulled up at the stoplight and was glad because it gave him the opportunity to lean over and give her a soft kiss.
She smiled. They drove a while longer until Fitz pulled up to the large park filled with food trucks. He helped her out of the car and they headed towards the trucks. Olivia felt such nostalgia as they walked and she looked at all the trucks. Fitz turned to her, bouncing on his heels. "So, it's a hotdog truck. Lucky said they have the best hotdogs he's ever tried. I thought we should decide for ourselves."
"Sure," she said.
He looked at the blinking lights and signs and they walked together until they found the truck. They looked at the menu on the side of the truck. Fitz laughed. Olivia was surprised, it was so unusual.
"They're doing things to hotdogs that were never meant to be done," he said. "That the fuck is this? Shredded fried chicken on top of a hotdog with ketchup and hot sauce? I'm gonna kick Lucky's ass."
Olivia laughed, "the bacon hotdog looks good. That's relatively tame, bacon and cheese."
"I guess," Fitz said.
He walked up to the counter and ordered two hot dogs and a beer for himself and a ginger ale for Olivia. That was her favorite soda.
Once he ordered it all and he collected the food, they headed to a wooden picnic bench on the grass. Fitz placed the food on the table as Olivia sat down and he sat beside her. There were some people around but the crowd was scattered.
"Here's the test," she said as she took her hotdog and bit into it. Fitz did the same.
"Oh my god," she said as she chewed. "That's so good."
"Damn it," Fitz said. "That's a good hot dog."
She laughed, "You were dead set on hating it, weren't you?" She said as she took another bite.
"I was," he said, then he finished his hotdog with two large bits. He took a few gulps of his beer. "Yeah, I need three more."
She laughed, "The churro truck looks really good. I want to try some of that."
He nodded as he stood. Olivia stood as well and they walked to the churro truck first. She looked at the menu. There was a short line.
"cinnamon sugar churros with nutella stuffing- oh I have to have that," she said. They waited on the short line together. Olivia ordered nutella stuffed churros with sliced strawberries and extra whipped cream. Fitz paid and collected her food before they headed back to the hotdog truck where he ordered three more hotdogs and once he collected it they walked back to the bench. His hand was filled with food but he insisted on carrying it all. He placed them on table again and they sat. Olivia enjoyed her churro and fed Fitz a bite after he had eaten his hotdogs faster than she thought was possible.
"I wonder if Greg can make these, they are quite good. He should be able to. He's a professionally trained chef, after all."
"Speaking of, we have a lot of interviews we have to do in the next couple of weeks," Olivia said. "Sonia would have the baby whenever we're not able to but as far as the nanny breakdown between the girls, I think Lily gets her own babysitter and the twins get their own babysitter- between the two of us I don't think they need a full-time nanny just yet. I don't know if you think we need a back up sitter. When it was just me and the girls I have a live in nanny, maybe we can have that on the weekend. I don't know."
"I think we'll need someone on the weekends for sure just to free us up in the evenings. I want to drop them off at school in the morning and I want to pick them up afterschool as well. As far as sitters...It makes sense to have them on call just in case they might need to jump in or out with the girls. It's a big house, I don't think a few extra people around would really bother me."
"Alright great, and then Rumi is also working with the estate manager on getting candidates for the housekeeping team, a chef and a maintenance man, a dog walker for Zeus. I think that's it and we need to plan the rooms for furnishing with the interior decorator- Rumi put that on your calendar."
"Alright great, now I have to propose something- you'll say no but I really think you should say yes."
"Why do you think I'll say no?" She asked.
"Because I'm asking a lot," he said.
She shrugged, "I don't think you can ask me a lot but let's hear it."
"So the book I was reading earlier?"
She nodded, "I remember it."
"Do you know about confinement?"
"No," she said as she dipped her churro in whipped cream and took a bite. She rubbed her fingers together to get the cinnamon sugar off when she was finished.
"It's different in every culture but essentially for a time after giving birth, you're confined. You don't leave the house, you have to eat very specific food to heal your body and help you breastfeed, you can't drink cold things. You can't have cold showers or anything. I read about it and I want you to do it."
"How long would you want me to stay home?"
"30 days seem like a good number."
"I can't leave at all," she said. "The girls start their first day of school and the orientation where we get to go in with them and meet their teachers. I really want to be there for that…it might be a couple days before I'm due but if I give birth earlier it'll be after."
"Well of course that's important so there's no question you'd go. This whole thing is to help you, so we won't do anything you can't tolerate and the not going outside thing is totally flexible. I found a lady from China who's a 'confinement specialist' and I haven't hired her yet but basically she oversees the whole thing. She'll work with the chef we hire and this nutritionist I'm going to hire to make sure you're eating the right foods and doing everything else right to ensure you're healing well."
Olivia smiled, "I saw you nose deep into that book. I should've known."
"What do you think?"
"Of course I'll do it but I am curious about how you even heard about this?"
"I saw an article about it and I thought it was interesting and so I sent John out to get me the best book about it. Few chapters in I had him find that lady for me and we talked over the phone."
She smiled as she leaned over and wrapped her arms around him, "why?"
He hugged her. "I just want to make sure I'm taking care of you."
She leaned up and kissed his lips as she caressed his cheek. "I feel very well taken care of."
"Good," he said.
"And I'm madly in love with you," Olivia whispered.
"What do you call me then? I'm in the fucking insane asylum over here."
She laughed and he playfully kissed her neck. He checked his watch moments later. "Oh- we have to get out of here. It's after 8 already," he said.
"Alright," She said as she let out a breath and began to stand. Fitz stood as well and they tossed the empty containers from their food before they headed to the car. As always, agents were close by. When Fitz pulled up at the bar there was no parking but his problem was easily solved when he double parked and once he and Olivia were out of the car, he handed his keys to a guard to find parking while they headed inside the venue. Fitz stopped and got a beer for himself and a bottle of water for Olivia before they went to find a spot by the wall with a view of the stage. It was too dark for anyone to recognize them. The crowd continued to trickle into the venue and just after 8:30pm, the opening band came on. After a brief set, the headliner came on. A band Olivia loved called Bombay Bicycle club. They began playing. Fitz wrapped his arms around her and she leaned back against his chest as they listened to the music.
The show lasted almost an hour and a half before it ended. They headed out together and the car was waiting on the curb for them. Fitz opened the door to let Olivia in and then got in on the other side. He began driving home, only to be stopped at a police checkpoint a few lights down the street from the concert. An officer waved him down and he pulled over. He checked his mirror and a van of agents were close behind him. A state trooper walked up to the window and knocked on it.
Fitz rolled it down. "Sir, this is a state police checkpoint. Do you have any weapons in the vehicle?"
"Sure do," Fitz said.
"What weapons?" the man asked.
"A glock 17 and a glock 19, 17 rounds each."
"Are you licensed to own a firearm?"
"I am," Fitz answered.
An agent arrived just seconds later. "Trooper, is there a problem here? These people are under secret service protection."
The trooper leaned over and peaked into the car so he could see properly who was in the car. "Oh, I didn't know it was you," he said.
"Are we free to go?" the agent asked.
The trooper leaned up,"Yeah- but- um…one sec-Colin, get your ass over here quick," he said then he leaned back down. "I just gotta say…I'm your biggest fan. I mean…the way you're just cut-throat, no questions asked- I've watched the footage like 5 times. Can I get a picture?"
"I'd rather take this fucking glock out of the holster, point the muzzle up my ass, and shoot," Fitz said.
Olivia rolled her eyes. Another man approached and looked in on the car and saw Fitz. He gasped.
"Oh my god, you're a god dude- I'm fanboying right now. Please just one picture together," the first trooper said.
Fitz rolled up his window. The secret service agent took over the conversation with both the officers and a couple minutes later Fitz got the go-ahead to leave. He drove off, and the SUV behind them followed.
"Shoot yourself in your arsehole, really?" she asked.
He laughed, "please I'd say anything to get left the fuck alone. Why do they want pictures? I don't get it?"
"They watched you do things they know they can never do. You're kind of like the peak masculinity, if you think about it and they idolize that."
"Peak masculinity?" Fitz asked playfully. "Olivia, I fight back tears every time I remember watching you birth Lily."
Olivia laughed, "yes well that's why I have your giant son inside me right now."
He smiled as he continued driving.
They arrived home a short time later. After checking on the girls they quickly readied themselves for bed. Olivia crawled into bed after pulling back the sheets. Fitz climbed in behind her and wrapped his arms around her belly as he cuddled her.
"What time are we leaving in the morning?" she asked.
"I think we can leave around 8. It's an hour drive there."
"Alright," she said. "I love you. Goodnight."
"Love you too Angel," he said.
They drifted off to sleep together.