November 27, 2023-September 2024
BPlusWriter
If I Couldn't Love You, Chapter 1
Hello SSD Fan fiction readers, I wrote this story before A Tale Of Three Letters premiered but did not finish editing until after the premiere. As a result, this story may not seem entirely in keeping with the context of the canon as it unfolds in ATOTL. It is somewhat hard to imagine ATOTL could have happened as it did if this story happened first. But, it must come first because it does not include Shane's pregnancy which will now change any fan fiction staying in character after ATOTL. I put too much work into this story to let it go without giving it a chance to see the light of day. So I hope you enjoy. Simply suspend your sense of disbelief a little as Eric says elsewhere and listen to Clair de Lune for background. Thank you to the brillant creator/writer/producer Martha Williamson for allowing us POstables to write about her Signed Sealed Delivered world peopled by Oliver, Shane, Rita and Norman as so beautifully played by Eric Mabius, Kristin Booth, Yan-Kay Crystal Lowe and Geoff Gustafson. Reviews welcome.
Shane and Oliver were frantically getting ready for work.
Well, Shane was. Oliver was moving at his usual unhurried pace.
"Why is it," Shane thought, "that is seems to be easier for men to get ready than women?" She and Rita had discussed this more than once. No matter how hard they tried, their husbands were usually ready and waiting for the wives. There was no real answer, but she did think it was a little unfair that it took her longer to look her best than it did Oliver to look his handsome self.
"Oliver! Oliver? Have you seen my blue shoes? I wanted to wear them today," Shane called as she dove under the bed again in search of the errant shoes. She had her light blue blouse on, hose and slip but not her matching blue skirt which still hung on the nearby chair.
Hearing Shane call him, Oliver walked out of the bathroom, his hands still buttoning his shirt. Oliver looked down at Shane appreciatively as she was still bent over looking for her shoes.
"No, darling, I haven't seen your blue shoes, but I think the last time I remember seeing you wear them we were at the Dormans and that was last week." Oliver turned back around and headed toward his dresser to pick up his tie. As he wound it around his neck and looked in the mirror he said, "Why not wear the black ones? They're right here in the closet." Where shoes belong, Oliver thought reasonably, but did not say out loud. He had learned a woman, particularly his woman, was very serious about shoes.
Shane stood up, panting a little from her exertions. "I guess I'll have to. It's just that my feet hurt from all the dancing we did last night and the blue shoes are more comfortable."
Oliver made a noncommittal sound but refrained from speech since he was still working on his tie. His mind flashed back to the evening before at Montaldo's where he and Shane had celebrated their three-month wedding anniversary. As he had once described the National Pony Express Exhibit, the evening had been glorious, but of course on a much different level of existence.
They had just returned from a long weekend in Aspen where they had spent their days learning to ski and their evenings cuddled by the fire, and in private dancing and enjoying the occasion of their anniversary under the covers. They had acted like honeymooners people thought they were. When told Shane and Oliver had been married three months, some guests, especially the older ones, looked at them with smiles and congratulatory remarks and a few laughs. Shane and Oliver received the responses graciously but only had eyes for each other.
Now they were late to work in the DLO. Shane picked up the black shoes, still wondering where her blue shoes were, then finished dressing while Oliver folded his pocket square and put his pocket watch on. Of course, Shane had other shoes but the blue ones happened to be favorites right now. Shane was headed toward the bedroom door when Oliver, again appreciatively watching her walk away, impulsively grabbed her hand and spun her around for a kiss every bit as exhilarating as the first spin kiss he had ever given her.
Shane went into her husband's arms willingly, melting into his embrace. When Oliver lifted his lips from hers, his eyes slightly glazed, Shane looked at him with a flirty small smile. "Who's going to make us late now?"
Oliver smiled a little also. "You can say it was all my fault while I waited for my wife to find her shoes."
Shane scoffed and turned around again heading toward the door. "We've used that excuse more than once. I think you better come up with a better line than that!"
Oliver laughed and said nothing else. Shane scurried to pick up her scarf, coat, and purse with her laptop. Oliver helped her on with her coat before he put his own coat on.
Without speaking the couple both arrived at the front door to leave for work at the same time. Oliver opened the door for Shane who stepped through it first, Oliver followed her. Anticipating a quick exit, the couple was surprised to find four men in dark suits and coats on their front porch. "Mr. Oliver O'Toole?"
Shane spoke before Oliver could answer. "Who wants to know?"
After all, strangers were not usually at one's door before 8 a.m.
A nondescript, short but pleasant-faced man nodded at her and said, "We're with a state special investigations security team, ma'am, and we're here to escort Mr. O'Toole to the hospital."
Both Oliver and Shane were stunned into silence, their breath coming in quickly. "Why would you need to do that?" Shane demanded.
Oliver said more calmly. "May I see some identification, please?"
"Certainly, sir. My name is Andrew Braden." The gentlemen handed an ID badge to Shane, whose hand was outstretched. With his other hand, he handed Oliver a card with his name on it and said, "The reason for this is on the back." As he spoke he pointed to the card and Oliver turned it over. One word was written on it. "DALE." Silently, Oliver showed it to Shane.
Shocked, Shane met Oliver's eyes but said nothing.
"Shall we go, sir? Time is of the essence." The gentlemen indicated Oliver could precede him down the steps. "One of my colleagues can take you to work, ma'am, if you'd like," he offered politely.
"I believe it would be best if I go with him," Shane responded coolly.
"I was not authorized to bring anyone else," said Mr. Braden.
Oliver, ever protective of his wife, particularly after a certain government official had sweep her away from him off another porch, would much have preferred for Shane to go to the office and wait for him there but he was sure she would not go along with that suggestion. And he had to admit to himself, he didn't like the idea of being separated from Shane at all. "You better let her come, Mr. Braden, unless you want a spectacle of a very loud argument. Here on the front porch. My wife is not easily deterred."
Mr. Braden's attention snapped from Oliver to Shane and immediately believed Shane was capable of doing exactly what Oliver said. He nodded but said nothing.
They all descended the steps, Oliver and Shane with two of the men, the other two got into another car. No other words were spoken and both cars pulled away from the curb quietly. No one saw them go, except a cat that liked to hang around on the chance he would get a snack of some kind now and then.
The wind blew gently but made no noise. Birds had begun chirping. The cat still sat, looking down the street. It was as if nothing unusual had just happened on this bright morning.
END Chapter 1
If I Couldn't Love You Chapter Two
"What is Ms. Travers' prognosis, Doctor?" Oliver asked.
The doctor, surprised, looked at his assistant, then turned toward Oliver and Shane. "You may wish to speak to me alone, Mr. O'Toole."
"You can say whatever you need to in front of my wife, Doctor."
The doctor again shared glances with his assistant. "Very well. Mr. O'Toole. The lady to whom you refer as Dale Travers, came in to us conscious and she gave us your name, address and phone number to contact you. She said she was, IS, your wife."
Neither Oliver or Shane could contain their shock.
"What?" demanded Oliver. "What did you say, doctor?"
The doctor repeated what he said. "She said you are her husband which is why we called you. She has been slipping in and out of consciousness since the police picked her up and brought her here. That's all we know about her."
Shane and Oliver looked at each other, Shane still unable to speak.
How long will Dale remain unconscious?" asked Oliver.
The doctor shrugged. "Well, she appears to have been in good health prior to this accident so normally not more than a day or two. But she may have sustained internal injuries. We are still waiting on test results. Until then, we really don't know."
Oliver looked at Shane who was listening to the doctor but watching Oliver. Now, slowly, Oliver said, "I have known Dale Travers," hesaid with slight emphasis on her last name, "for almost 20 years and we have been very close. We attend the same church where we are in the choir together. She has no family. I know where she works. I will be in touch with her employer."
The doctor nodded and glanced at his watch. He had more patients to see. He didn't need any complications besides those that his patients presented with. He was glad to let this man take control of the situation regarding this unusual patient who appeared to have been in a violent accident that would probably require law enforcement involvement.
"I'll be back later this afternoon to check on the patient - If you are here I might be able to give you more information then." His eyebrows did raise a bit at the end of his sentence. This appeared to definitely be an unusual situation involving two women and one man. Oliver nodded. The two gentlemen who had accompanied Oliver and Shane were still present. Oliver spoke to Mr. Braden. "Mr. Braden, we would like to know, what is your involvement in this situation?"
Oliver's tone was mild but Shane knew better. He was angry. They had both been scared to death and now appeared to have been thrown into a very strange predicament.
Mr. Braden said apologetically, "I'm sorry, Mr. O'Toole. I know very little. I am just following orders. And my orders are now to escort you to Dale Travers' place of employment to meet with her supervisor."
"You said Ms. Travers? You know she's not really married to me?"
Mr. Braden smiled as he answered, "Many women go by their given names, including Shane McInerney, after they marry." He nodded as he looked at Shane, acknowledging her presence. "However, Ms. McInerney is not allowed to come with you."
Oliver said flatly, "Then I'm not going. It may be inconvenient, but I can wait here til Ms. Travers wakes up and she will personally straighten out this mess."
"Mr. O'Toole, Detective Travers is involved in an ongoing investigation. The fewer people involved the better. Ms. Travers is a government employee of the state division of investigations you know."
Shane spoke up. "Yes, well, the last time a government agent told us that sort of story, I ended up being gone for three months with NO allowable contact with Mr. O'Toole. We are not going to go through that again. And I AM Mr. O'Toole's wife!"
Mr. Braden sighed and said he would see what he could do. He pulled out a phone and strode down the hallway, leaving Oliver and Shane still standing with the other silent gentleman at the open door to Dale's room. Shane and Oliver looked at each other, feeling helpless. They both knew that they really didn't have much control in this situation.
"Shane," Oliver said quietly. "Please text Rita and tell her we have been detained and will be there as soon as possible. I don't want the Dormans to be worried about us."
Shane nodded and pulled out her phone. Her message to Rita was brief but contained just enough information to give the Dormans a hint about what was going on. "Rita, Oliver and I are at the hospital where Dale has listed Oliver as her contact. At this moment we only know Dale was involved in a bad accident and has serious injuries. We may be going elsewhere shortly. I hope we will be at the DLO soon. Love, Shane"
Shane had acted quickly without looking at the other gentleman to forestall any interference, hit send and hoped to hear back from Rita soon. She was quickly rewarded with a response "? Heart emoji" from Rita.
Just then, Mr. Braden came back to the room.
"Ms. McInerney is allowed to come, but please, ma'am, do not introduce yourself, or mention your name. You may be asked to step aside for a moment or two, but I promise it will not be long. Just please remember this involves an ongoing investigation." Braden lowered his voice. "Detective Travers could well be in danger."
Neither Oliver nor Shane were satisfied with this arrangement but it appeared to be the best they could hope for and better than an outright refusal would have been.
The trip from the hospital to the office building was tensely quiet for both Shane and Oliver. Both the O'Tooles were familiar with Dale's office and as it came into view they both breathed more easily. Mr. Braden appeared to be telling the truth about their destination.
Mr. Braden led them to a hallway and and then an office that was not where Dale normally worked, however. "I'll be out in the hall," he said, then he left them and shut the door. Oliver and Shane sat in the chairs opposite the desk with the owner's empty chair behind it.
Both Shane and Oliver held hands as they sat wordlessly waiting. To say they were upset was an understatement.
After a minute, a man almost identical to the other men they had seen so far, in a suit and tie, came in, shook hands with Shane, then Oliver and introduced himself as Dale's supervisor, Jay Jared. He did not mention a title.
He addressed himself first to Shane. "Ms. McInerney, I have checked your records and I know of your security clearance. Higher than mine. Impressive. You must have skills."
Oliver bristled. He did not appreciate the way this conversation was starting.
Before Oliver could say anything, Jay spoke to him. "I apologize for the cloak and dagger sort of morning you've both had but it was necessary. Dale was working undercover on a project but was apparently outed by someone that put her life in danger. We heard from her very early this morning when she told us she was leaving the assignment and then she was involved in an 'accident' which we are still investigating. Until that investigation is complete we must take every precaution to keep her safe."
Jay looked directly at Oliver. "We don't know precisely why you are involved but we know that in your position at the USPS you and Dale have occasionally had reason to work together. The fact that she told us to contact you, her husband, may be a clue of some kind."
Angry again by this personal reference Oliver said, "Dale and I are not married!"
Jay sighed and said, "Well, yes and no. I've known Dale a long time and I knew as soon as she identified you, that she had a reason that must be important. But I'm afraid I have some news you might not like."
He waited for a moment, then, with both Oliver and Shane's full attention, said, "In Dale's personal records, her official deep background records, you, Mr. O'Toole, are listed as her husband, complete with marriage license."
Shane quickly looked at Oliver, whose face was ashen.
Oliver said, "There must be some mistake! That is not possible! Shane McInerney and I married three months ago!"
Jay said, "Mr. O'Toole, I don't know what your level of security is; oddly enough, I couldn't find it, so I'm not sure how much I can actually divulge to you. I expect Dale had something to do with that to protect you.
"I can tell you certain agents are allowed to create relationships, even whole families, in pursuit of an objective. I assume that is what Dale did. It is not a tactic used often because of the obvious complications. But it was done six years ago, so it is possible Dale had different ideas, although I do not at present have any of her work history pulled. I've only been here four years so I wasn't here then."
He stopped and looked at Oliver questioningly.
Oliver shook his head. "I have no idea why Dale would do that. Our relationship was, is, strictly platonic. Besides that, I married my first wife during that time."
Jay looked thoughtful. "Are you sure Dale never discussed this with you? Even in passing?"
"If Dale ever mentioned anything like this, I have no recollection of it at all!" Oliver said.
Well," said Jay, "until Dale wakes up enough to tell us more I'm afraid this record is official in an unofficial official sort of way. No one outside this office, and the hospital of course, has to know."
Oliver protested again. "A lot of people will know! My wife and I were married in a ceremony witnessed by most of our nearest and dearest and friends of many years just months ago! It is not possible to keep something like this secret! Besides Dale knew my relationship with Shane was of long standing and absolutely would not have wanted to come between us! There must be some mistake!"
Jay spread his hands, palms upward, an indication of his inability or unwillingness to act.
"I'm very sorry, Mr. O'Toole. At this point, we do need you. We could circumvent HIPPA laws to get information about Dale's condition, but that would cause undue attention and perhaps alert the person who outed her in the first place. And in point of fact we only need one person to believe this cover story. That person is very unlikely to know you personally so this story is not as unbelievable as it may seem to you."
Jay paused to let this information sink in on the O'Tooles.
"You're forgetting that an act of desperation put Dale in the hospital where she is now and may, in fact, still be in danger. And, now that your name is known by the hospital, you could be too. As well as you, Ms. McInerney," Jay said as he looked at Shane.
"While the risk may be small it is not unimaginable. Continuing with this story for the time being, which we hope will not be long, helps us keep you all safe."
The O'Tooles sat silent, considering what Jay said.
"Well, Mr. O'Toole? Do we have your cooperation? You do not have to work with us but we might be forced to take further steps neither of you would like."
"If and I do mean, IF, we agree to this plan of yours what do we do?" asked Oliver.
Jay said, "We ask that you continue to identify yourself as Dale's husband so you can go in and out as often as the hospital allows, and, hopefully, she will wake up soon and tell you and us more of what's going on."
Oliver looked at Shane. Oliver did indeed need to know what was going through Dale's mind when she used him in this charade. But how could he let Shane go through this? It was humiliating and it did not reflect well on him either.
Shane was burning with all kinds of questions herself. She thought Dale was her friend. She had always treated Shane with respect and friendly openness. In turn, Shane had done the same. This situation seemed to defy explanation.
Oliver looked at Jonathan. "May we have a few minutes alone, please?"
Jay nodded and said, "Of course." He left the room.
Oliver and Shane immediately went into each other's arms, hugged and kissed. "Oliver, I don't mind saying, I'm a little scared."
"Darling, if you don't want me to do this I will just tell them I can't."
Honestly Shane said, "That is what I would like you do to but if Dale's life is in danger, and if someone out there really believes you are married to her, based on the story Dale told the hospital, you are in danger until that person can be identified and found. Staying with the ruse seems to be the logical thing to do. Since it has obviously been a secret for years, we should be able to keep it that way for another few days.
"I have to say, if Dale wasn't lying in the hospital right now, I'd be pretty upset with her. She deliberately set things in motion that caused this misinformation to become public."
Oliver's arms tightened around Shane. "Yes, I feel the same way. I am anxious for Dale to recover so we can talk about this.
"Are you sure, Shane? I've heard people can remain unconscious for a long time. This might become inconvenient, not to mention unbelievable."
Shane looked at Oliv
Oliver simply said, "No one who knows me can doubt I am madly, passionately in love with you, Shane."
Shane's eyes filled with tears. "Oliver O'Toole, if I couldn't love you, I don't know what I'd do!"
Oliver kissed Shane tenderly. "I would not allow that to happen to you." Both Shane and Oliver smiled tenderly at each other as they remembered when Oliver had first said that sentence to her. "I cannot go throughout life without you either, my love."
It was as if Mr. Jared had been listening to the O'Toole conversation. The door opened and Jay came in. "If you're ready, Mr. O'Toole, your transportation back to the hospital is waiting. Ms. McInerney, you can ride with him and then the driver will take you wherever you want to go. Both of you please let the driver escort you wherever you need to go for the next few days. You might or might not see them, but there will be bodyguards close by at all times for both of you. I do ask that you not go back to the hospital at this time, Ms. McInerney. Let's give this charade an opportunity to jell."
Oliver and Shane looked at each other and walked out, holding hands. Nothing had changed between Shane and Oliver, but everything in their lives was now different. The future was cloudy.
END Chapter 2
If I Couldn't Love You Chapter Three
Oliver opened the front door quietly, hoping he wouldn't wake Shane up. It was late and the house was cold. He was cold. It was snowing outside. It was expected to snow all night. He was glad he was home.
Oliver glanced at the clock, which said it was just shy of 11 p.m.
As late as it was, and as tired as he was, he was too wide awake to get ready for bed yet. Over the last month, he had learned no matter how hard he tried to be quiet while getting ready for bed, Shane woke up. Sometimes she would not have been to sleep yet, and those were the nights they talked, but he always tried to keep his words few, quiet and loving so he didn't wake her up too much. Then they would snuggle to sleep for the night.
Tonight, Oliver had a lot on his mind and decided a fire in the fireplace and a cup of herbal tea would help calm him down enough to get to sleep quickly.
After getting the fire going, Oliver went to the kitchen and noticed an empty cup of cocoa Shane left on the cabinet. He decided cocoa sounded better than tea. He had already had several cups of tea at the hospital. Oliver picked up the pot Shane had used to make her cocoa, now freshly washed and put it on the stovetop. As he was pouring the milk, he heard Shane. "Make enough for me to have another cup, please, Oliver."
Oliver obediently poured more milk and glanced at his wife. She stood in the kitchen doorway, light from the fireplace and the stairwell lighting her silhouette. Radiant Beauty. His Shane. He was reminded of the night before they were a couple, after the hospital Christmas pageant when he took Shane home. They had stood in the doorway to her home, lights from the house bathing Shane in light that made him think of her as even more angelic than the angel she played in the pageant. Oliver put the milk back in the fridge and went to his wife to take her in his arms.
Oliver took a deep breathe, breathing in her scent, and pushed one hand through her hair, his fingers smoothing her sleep-tousled hair.
Shane wordlessly put her arms around him and lifted her mouth to his for a kiss, a kiss that showed how hungry she was for him.
For a moment the two were lost in their love. Then Oliver stepped back, saying, "I better check on the cocoa."
Shane followed Oliver as he walked to the stove. Oliver put one arm around her as he stirred the cocoa. He smiled, relaxed to be where he belonged. "Hi darling," Oliver said huskily. "I missed you."
Shane said, "I missed you too, Oliver. I'll get the cups."
For a few minutes the two bustled about in the kitchen with their respective tasks. Shane got a small plate and piled it high cookies.
"They're peanut butter cookies. Rita made them with Norman's help. They're actually pretty good."
Oliver laughed a bit and put one in his mouth chewing cautiously. When he had swallowed he said, "You're right. Maybe there's hope for her yet." He picked up the plate and carried it to the living room to put it on the coffee table. He turned to help Shane carry the cocoa cups. "I will compliment Rita and Norman the next time I see them."
Shane looked at Oliver. He looked at her. Neither one of them said anything else. For a few minutes they sat side by side, Shane curled up as close to Oliver as she could be; Oliver automatically putting his free arm around her while eating cookies and sipping cocoa. They both gazed at the fire.
Oliver turned to nuzzle Shane's hair. He asked, "How was your day?"
Shane sighed. "Not good. Becky called today. She said she is beginning to get complaints from Glynis who has not seen you in two weeks and you missed a department meeting today. I went to the meeting but got called away by Rita before it was over.
"I had ordered some things I needed for the office and when they arrived Rita didn't know what they were."
"I'm sorry, Shane." Oliver spoke into her hair.
Shane sighed again. "Well, Becky says it may be time for you to take an official leave of absence to get Glynis to back off. I have to say she is being more unpleasant than usual."
Oliver nodded and looked keenly at Shane. He knew there was more to the story.
"And?" he said.
"I'm afraid that as hard as we've tried, people have picked up on things and are beginning to talk. Dale's "accident" was briefly on the news you know. Somehow the news about Dale got out even after Jay told us they were keeping it quiet."
Oliver growled and pulled her closer to his side. "What we do is none of their business."
"I know, Oliver, but people can't resist talking. I'm sorry to say even Hazel asked me about it."
Shane turned toward Oliver. "So tell me how was your day."
Oliver brushed the hair from his forehead. "Tiring. Dale had another MRI today. Results showing how her leg is healing after the surgery should be sometime tomorrow. I didn't see the doctor today. I had left for lunch when he came in. Nothing seems much different to me. Dale is still in a coma."
"What are we going to do, Oliver? Some people stay in a coma for years!"
Oliver looked into the fire and nodded grimly. "I know. I plan to talk to Braden when he shows up next. This can't go on. Surely by this time, they must have enough of the investigation done to point them in the right direction."
Shane continued. "No one has asked me point blank but I see the stares. People are wondering why you are spending so much time with Dale, even given the dire situation."
Oliver stroked Shane's arm. He could hear the stress in her voice and feel it in her body. He decided to change the subject. It was time to think about the future. Christmas was coming. They had a very short and sweet Thanksgiving with the Dormans before Oliver had gone back to the hospital. Waiting for Dale to improve casts a pall over the festivities no matter how hard they tried to ignore the circumstances. He was determined Christmas would be different. Federal investigation or not.
"We need to make plans for Christmas," Oliver said.
"Oh, Oliver, I don't know if I have the heart for that after Thanksgiving," Shane said sadly.
"We can't let this situation impinge on our happiness, Shane."
Oliver kissed Shane to prove his point. The kiss was deep and demanding. Shane eventually pulled away to breathe shakily. "Mr. O'Toole, you do know how to kiss!"
Oliver's eyes were dark with passion. "I love you, Shane Shannon McInerney O'Toole."
End Chapter 3
Look for more of If I Couldn't Love You soon
Reviews Welcome