*Requested for Benoit Langson*
*Will Mention Fire. Will mention scenes from different episodes*
Jordan- 16
One gloomy afternoon Jordan was walking to Firehouse 51, she had heard Kelly's father, Benny had died. She already knew how Kelly was feeling. Even though she was a baby when her mother died she still felt that pain. It was like an empty hole and something was missing. The teen had even felt that way with her brother.
The sixteen-year-old arrived at the station, she went inside looking around. Matt had seen her, he was worried. Normally Hank would tell them if she would be staying with them while he worked. The Captain had gone over.
"Jo, hey, everything ok? Does your dad know you're here?" Matt asked.
"Yeah, I told him I wanted to stop by and see Kelly. I heard about Benny. I wanted to see how he is" Jordan replied.
The Captain had a small smile. Normally it would be them looking out for the young teen, now she was looking out for them. Anyone and everyone who knew Jordan knew one thing, like her father she was fiercely protective of those she had close to her. The teen would do anything for them, like they would for her.
"It's nice of you to do that Jo, I'm sure Kelly would appreciate it"
Glancing down then back up. "How is he Matt?"
"Withdrawn a lot. From me, Stella, everyone. This hit him hard, he's almost like he was when ...when Shay died"
A lump formed in the teen's throat, Shay was an angel sent. She was not only Kelly's best friend but she was Jordan's. When she was eleven and she spent time at 51, she loved spending time with Shay. It was almost like having another sister figure. But like other people she lost, she died. Eventually with the help from 51 and Intelligence they had caught her killer.
Stella had seen the young teen and gone over. "Hey Jo, you ok honey"
"I'm good, I wanted to check in on Kelly," The teen replied.
"He should be in his quarters"
Jordan had gone to see Kelly in his quarter, Stella and Matt had watched as she went. Stella glanced at her Captain.
"You think Jo could get through to him?" Stella asked, her voice filled with some hope.
"I hope so" Was all Casey could say.
Everyone was worried about Kelly, he was completely withdrawn from everything and everyone. He wouldn't open up to anyone about his father's death. Not to Boden. Not to Stella. Not even to Matt. He had completely shut down. Just like he had done with Shay.
Casey had really hoped history wouldn't repeat itself, when Shay had died Kelly spun out of control. He was drinking heavily. He went to Vegas and got married. It had taken him a long time and a lot of help to get back to himself. They just hoped this wouldn't be a horrible repeat.
Jordan had made it to Kelly's quarters, the door was shut. Kelly had been staring at the same report page for what seemed like an eternity. His mind wandered back to when his father died. He couldn't get the words out of his head. They played over and over.
"I'm sorry Kelly but you're father, he didn't make it"
Like a broken record it just played over and over. It wouldn't stop. The last thing Benny did was help get Grissom off of Boden's back. He remembered the last time he ever saw his father.
"Last time I saw you, you were calling me a scared old man" Benny said to his son. "Then you ignored me for 6 months. Now you want my help?"
"That's right," Kelly nodded.
"Nerves of steel"
"Runs in the blood"
Benny chuckles. "Well I know all about the friction between Boden and Commissioner Grissom"
"So you know he's trying to beat Boden down? Strip him of his command"
"Well your chief brought that on himself. Tried to cut down the rising commissioner. What did you think was gonna happen? A hand shake? Promotion?"
"Look I don't ask you for much, ok dad. I'm asking you to help Boden"
"Why would I do that?"
"Because Boden is the only reason I'm still there. He's the only one who's had my back"
"I had you're back to Kelly, not in ways you wanted but I've been here"
"Is that the way you see it? Cause from my end you were MIA plenty especially when things got tough. Boden was the only one who picked me back up"
"Father you never had"
"That's right"
There was a brief pause between the father and son, Kelly's words were a sucker punch to the gut to Benny. They hurt worse than anything he ever felt. Kelly had then continued.
"Look Pop, I didn't come here to fight. I just came to ask for your help that's all"
"I don't know how much I can do. I think the threshold might be crossed on this one but I'll think it over"
"I appreciate that"
Kelly stared at his father and Benny looked back at his son and smiled.
"Goodbye Kelly"
"Bye Pop"
After the conversation Kelly had looked at his father one more time and walked out. It was the last time he ever saw his father alive. His words he said haunted him. He can never take the words back. Deep down he wouldn't tell a soul, he felt his father died knowing he was hated. The hole inside Kelly was only getting bigger and bigger. This was probably much worse than Shay dying.
After his father died he found himself sitting in a chapel, a sad painful look in his eyes. His eyes red from crying, a tear threatening to fall, they glossed with tears. He was spaced out the whole time. Boden had found him and sat next to him.
"The last thing I ever told my father was you were a better father than he was," Kelly told his chief. "Then he does… he does nothing. I asked him for one thing and everything in my body telling me not to. It was the same old Benny. He never really-" He was cut off by his chief. He looked at him.
"You don't know," Boden responded.
"I don't know what?"
"You're father stepped in Kelly. Stepped up with Grissom. I just spoke to the commissioner. He met with him personally, talked to him about the situation at 51 how it affected not only me but the whole house and how it affected you. And you did a good will. Everything he ever did, everything he ever owned he put it all on the line. To appeal to the commissioner and tell him to back off of 51 and it worked. Grissom is gone. Your father told Grissom, I am the type of leader that molds good men into great ones. And now you Kelly you're all the proof we need to know that's true. Those are the exact words of your father"
The entire time Kelly was trying to hold in his emotions after Boden had finished what he was saying, a tear had leaked out of Kelly's eye and fell. The dam of tears in his eyes had he leaned forward against and had broken down in tears and sobs.
Kelly's mind had then wandered to his father's funeral, Benny had gotten full honors from the fire department. He remembers the speech he gave for his father.
"My father was a legendary firefighter. I know this because he told me all the time. But he wasn't wrong. On March 16th, 1993 he pulled seven people out of the Patison hotel fire. They were trapped and nobody could figure out how to get to them, but Benny wouldn't give up even when the building was coming down on top of them. That was Benny Severide, he always had to do things his own way. He was stubborn and man he was tough sometimes too tough. In battle the people he loved he battled as hard as any fire. But every now and then when you needed him the most he'd have you back. Whether you knew it or not no matter what the cost. It took me" He stopped for a moment as he was choking up. "It took me too long to figure that out but I'll never forget it"
Taking his hat he put it on and walked over to his father' casket he put his father's medal on top of it next to his helmet. He took a hold of the casket and spoke.
"Sleep tight dad. You earned it"
The rest of it was a blur for Kelly, he was broken out of his thoughts by Jordan knocking on his door. He signed for her to enter.
"Hey kiddo, everything alright?" He asked.
"I'm good. Are you ok? I heard about Benny, I wanted to say sorry" Jordan replies, sitting down on the bunk.
"Thanks Jo"
"How are you really doing Kelly? It's ok to not be ok. I know how it feels losing a parent. Not being able to see them. Talk to them"
The Lieutenant glanced to the floor, not able to look at the teen. "I'm fine"
"You're not Kelly, I can see it. You're allowed to have a weak moment in life; it doesn't make you weak. It means you've been strong for too long and you need to let it out. Let it out before it consumes you" She took a deep breath and let it out. "You guys know my story, my mom died when I was a baby and my dad raised me by himself. I never got to really grieve my mom because I had always been too young to understand death like any kid. When… when Justin died you all know I was a mess. Withdrawn from people, angry, depressed, I didn't care. When my brother died I crashed hard. Everything came down on me like a ton of bricks. I was hit with so much grief, so much pain, I had no idea what to do. For the first time in years I had finally been able to grieve my mom. I grieved her and Justin at the same time. It's like an empty hole inside of you and it's growing and growing, you need to fill it with something and you don't know what. You don't know how to fill the void that's there. I was stupid, I turned to drinking, drugs, even to the point of killing myself, anything to numb the pain or even take it away. I don't want you to do that Kelly. I don't want all that grief and anger consuming you"
Looking down, Kelly felt tears falling from his eyes. He had held in his emotions far too long he was letting them build and build.
"The last thing I said to him was Boden was a better father to me than he was," Kelly says, choking up. "He died knowing I hated him"
"No Kelly that's not true. Benny knew you loved him no matter what was said or done. My dad always told me a parent's love for their child is unconditional. What I'm about to tell you I've only told one other person. The only people who knew were me, my dad, and Erin. It was a month to my seventh birthday, my dad and I went to Walmart to get some stuff when he wasn't looking. I snuck away to look at a bike. I was at the age where I wanted something new so I could fit in so I told my dad about the bike and he said no, I started acting like a total brat about it and I didn't even realize what I was saying. I told him that I hated him all over a bike. A couple days went by and I still didn't know what to say to him, I was at school and Erin came to get me. She told me something had happened to my dad". Her lip began wobbling. "The whole way to the hospital all I could think was, what if those were my last words to him? What if he died knowing I hated him over a bike? Nobody would tell me anything because I was too young and because of my dad, I thought I had lost my only parent I had. When we finally got to the hospital and I saw him, I had never been so relieved. All I kept telling him was I'm sorry. He knows I didn't mean it. Kelly, you dad knows you didn't mean it, he knows you loved him no matter what"
Leaning over the Lieutenant had started crying even more, Jordan remembers this, not only with herself but when she was helping Jay get over his father's death. The teen wrapped him in a hug, everyone had always been there for her when she was down. Now it was her turn to step up.
"It's ok to admit you need help Kelly, it's hard as hell but it's ok. It's also ok to not be ok. I'm here whenever you need me, my phone is always on. Day or night. I don't care if you're on shift and you call me at 3 in the morning needing to talk. I'm there. You got Matt, Stella, Boden, Sylvie, everyone here. You have people over at the 21st, you got my dad, Jay, Adam, Kim, any of us. You can even talk to Dr. Charles. You have so many people to open up to. Don't hide, don't let that anger and guilt consume you. Don't do what I did, don't go back to drinking, it's not gonna solve the problem it'll only make the situation worse. We both know that from experience. I don't want you to do what you did when Shay died. Don't hide behind your emotions Kelly, let it out. Cry, scream, do whatever you gotta do to let it out. Just unleash it. I helped Jay with the exact same thing and I'm gonna help you because that's what family does. You all helped me when I needed it, it's my turn to help you"
"I-I...I want my dad" He just sobbed. "Why'd he die? Why'd he have to die?" He gripped the teen tighter.
"I wish I knew Kelly, I really wish I knew"
She stroked back his salt and pepper hair softly like she had done with Jay. She helped him move to the bed and he stretched out and she sat beside him.
"The words keep playing over and over in my head" Kelly's voice was soft. "Me telling him Boden was a better father than he was"
"When I had that tantrum when I was seven and I got told my dad was shot in the line of duty. All I could think was, what if died knowing I hated him over something so stupid? It played in my head for days. It played in my head for a month"
"The speech I gave at his funeral, he was stubborn and very tough. I'll never forget it"
"Sounds like someone else I know"
"No parent is perfect, he did try his best"
"I completely agree. We understand each other more than anyone Kelly. Having parents in such high demanding work and not being there for us. They sacrifice so much for us that we don't see it. Every day when I'm at school, I think about my dad. He puts his life on the line for this city to fight for it and protect it. Benny did the same thing. Every day he put his life on the line to protect this city, it's people, his team, and you. You're gonna carry on his legacy, carry on the Severide name. Every day you go out you fight for this city, to protect it, to protect these people, to protect your team, you're family, and Benny"
He held her hand and squeezed slightly. "I miss him. I want him back"
"I feel the same way with my mom and Justin, I'd do just about anything to be with them again"
"Thank you Jo, sitting in here with me. I appreciate it"
"You guys would do the same for me in a heartbeat. It's the least I can do"
"I don't know how to admit I need help"
"It's hard at first, you may not think you need it but you do. I had a hard time admitting it but after spending time in a jail cell and finally talking, actually to my dad I got help. I agreed to go to rehab, counseling, anything to get better, to be me again. I'm me again. I'm stronger, braver, seeking help doesn't make you weak Kelly it makes you stronger. You're one of the many strongest people I know. It's ok to admit you need help, it's better to seek help because in the end you're gonna be you again. You're gonna be a much stronger person because of it and you know deep down you're always gonna carry on Benny's legacy and carry on the Severide name. Just like I'll always carry on my dad's legacy and carry on the Voight name"
He gave her a soft smile. "How'd you get to be so wise for your age?"
"A lot of good teachers and different experiences"
"I...I...I need help"
"You got it. Whenever you're ready, I'm here. Any time day or night"
"You're a good kid Jo"
"I've been told. I gotta go, I gotta head to the district before my dad sends the team after me"
Kelly chuckled, he stood up and hugged her, he gave her a brotherly kiss on top of her head. Jordan had left the office just as Stella entered the bunk room she had gone to Kelly's office.
"Everything ok?" Stella asked.
Looking over for the first time in what seemed like days, Kelly smiled. "Yeah, all good"
"What were you and Jo talking about"
He pulled Stella in and held her hand. "She was talking to me about how I need help. And she's right, you're all right. I need help before I go too far before I let all this anger and grief consume me. After...after Shay died I spun out of control, I partied too much, drank too much. I was stupid and got married to someone else but we got divorced. I don't wanna be that person again Stell, I wanna be me again. If not me than a stronger and better me. One that someone can look up to and I can be a role model for. I know I've been distant with you, with all of you really, I wanted to do this on my own but I realized I can't. I can't do it by myself. I need help. Can you help me Stella?"
She smiled as tears burned in her eyes. "Of course I'll help you, I'll always help you"
He hugged her and then kissed her. After their moment was over Stella chased after the teen. "Jo! Jo wait up!"
Jordan turned around and saw her. "Hey Stella, everything good?"
"Yeah. Thank you for talking to Kelly. Whatever you said to him got him to open up"
"Kelly's always been there for me. It's my turn to help him"
"Can I ask, how'd you get him to open up?"
"I know how he feels, I lost my mom when I was a baby. I know how it feels to lose a parent. I just don't want him doing anything he'll regret later. I don't want him to be me or his old self. It's gonna take time but Kelly will be good again. He'll be himself again. I know he will. He bounced back before, I know he will do it again"
Stella pulled her into a hug. "You're such a good kid Jo"
The teen hugged her back just as tight. "Thanks, I've been told I got wise for my age"
"You sure have"
"Take care of him Stella. He's gonna need everyone to help him through this"
"I'm already on it"
Stella let her go and Jordan left. As she walked to the district, Jordan knew that no matter what she'll always be there for her family. Through the good times and bad. They were there for her. She'd be there for them. Always.