I do not own Harry Potter nor World of Darkness

North Courtyard, Hogwarts, 2nd September 1992 (Wednesday)

As it turns out, Ron had nothing to worry about as Ginny was sorted into Griffyndor like the rest of her brothers. Dumbledore's speech had been short like the one of the previous year, introducing Professor Lockhart and adding a few items, the majority coming from Power Potter's, to the list of banned items, only to finish with the exact same pun from the previous year. Knowing it was coming, Harry had to admit that the confusion on the face of the firsties was rather entertaining.

Once in their dormitory, Harry had shown both Blaise and Professor Snape the egg, but neither had been able to recognize it. Professor Snape had urged Harry to take the egg to Hagrid and have the man identify the creature on Saturday, as the groundskeeper had other business to attend to in order to receive his teaching certificate to potentially take over the duties of Professor Kettleburn. He also gave Harry a short speech about the responsibility of a pet owner, especially if said pet had claws, teeth, horns, venom or any other potentially dangerous element.

As of now, however, Harry had another creature to deal with: a wizard by the name of Gilderoy Lockhart.

Not being able to resist his curiosity, the boy had read 'Gadding with Ghouls' back to back, where the titled ghoul had absolutely nothing to do with blood-bonded mortals. He had started to read 'Voyages with Vampires', but had soon been forced to put down the book for the sheer amount of nonsense it contained.

Harry, and Sir Harold by extension, were absolutely convinced the wizard hadn't even met a vampire, with maybe the exception of a possible Thin-blooded chariot driver in chapter 13, and that had made the Metuselah put the credentials of the mage into questions. Due to Lockhart's fame, neither Harry nor Sir Harold could force a direct confrontation to expose the man at the moment, but should they find enough evidence to back up their accusations, they would have a great deal of blackmail potential against the professor and, as Sir Harold had expertly told him, there was no such a thing as 'too much blackmail'.

Curiously, he seemed to be the only one skeptical about the man's ability. The boys seemed to be either excited or jealous, while the girls… Well, Harry wasn't exactly an expert on crushes, but it felt weird that every girl in his class, scratch that, every girl in Hogwarts, had suddenly fallen in love. Even Hermione, Sally and Daphne, despite their best attempts to hide it, were clearly smitten… and they hadn't even mentioned the guy over the last year!

Harry's musings were interrupted by Theo pointing at a first year Gryffindor with short, light brown hair staring at Harr and clutching an exceedingly old Muggle camera.

"All right, Harry? I'm… I'm Colin Creevey. - he said, taking a tentative step forward. - I'm in Gryffindor. D'you think… would it be all right if… can I have a picture?"

"A picture?" Harry repeated blankly, taken aback by the sudden request.

"So I can prove I've met you! - said Colin eagerly. - I know all about you. Everyone's told me. About how you survived when You Know Who tried to kill you and how he disappeared and everything and how you've still got a lightning scar on your forehead, and a boy in my dormitory said if I develop the film in the right potion, the pictures'll move! It's brilliant here, isn't it? I never knew all the odd stuff I could do was magic till I got the letter from Hogwarts. My dad's a milkman, he couldn't believe it either! So I'm taking loads of pictures to send home to him. And it'd be really good if I had one of you. And then, could you sign it?"

He looked imploringly at Harry.

"Wow. Someone's excited." commented Sally.

"I… guess? - was Harry's confused response - But first…why didn't you bring a modern camera?"

Colin looked at the boy in confusion.

"Electronics don't work in Hogwarts?"

"Not unless you buy them at Power Potter's. - was Malfoy's snide remark - Signed photos? Really? You're giving out signed photos, Potter? Is that a new promotion for your shop? A free picture of the Boy-who-lived for every purchase?"

He had stopped right behind Colin, flanked, as always, by his thuggish cronies Crabbe and Goyle.

"Everyone queue up! - Malfoy roared to the crowd. - Harry Potter's giving out signed photos!"

"You're just jealous!" shot up Colin.

"Jealous?" asked Malfoy in fake disbelief, with half the courtyard listening in. "Of what? I don't want a foul scar right across my head, thanks. I don't think getting your head cut open makes you that special, myself."

Crabbe and Goyle were sniggering stupidly.

"The Weasley would like a signed photo, Potter. - smirked Malfoy. - It'd be worth more than his family's whole house."

"You seem awfully interested in Weasley's business, Malfoy. Is this about Mr. Weasley kicking your father's ass?" asked Harry.

"What's all this? - Gilderoy Lockhart was striding towards them, his turquoise robes swirling behind him. - Who's giving out signed photos?"

Lockhart flung an arm around Harry's shoulders.

"Shouldn't have asked! We meet again, Harry! Come on then, Mr. Creevey, a double portrait, can't say fairer than that, and we'll both sign it for you."

Colin fumbled for his camera and took the picture.

"Off you go, move along there. - Lockhart called to the crowd, setting off to the castle with Harry still tightly held in his grip.

"A word to the wise, Harry. - whispered Lockhart once people were no longer in hearing range. - I covered up for you back there. If he was photographing me, your school fellows won't think you're setting yourself up so much, but handing out signed pictures at this stage of your career isn't sensible. Even if asked, it looks a tad bigheaded. Creates resentment. Envy. Jealousy. If you're not careful, those will create enemies. There's a delicate dance between boastfulness and humbleness, Harry, and a single misstep will turn the public against you: beloved today and despised tomorrow. There may well come a time when, like me, you'll need to keep a handy stack of signed pictures wherever you go, but it'll take time before you can do that without looking conceited."

As the Professor left, Harry paused to consider the man's words. If he ignored the extreme ego and hyper-inflated sense of self, Lockhart's words contained somewhat good advice.

Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, Hogwarts, 3rd September 1992 (Thursday)

Lockhart's classroom was covered with smiling portraits of the man. Definitely a megalomaniac, decided Harry. The rest of the class came clattering in, Theo and Sally sitting at his side and once the whole class was seated, Lockhart cleared his throat. He reached forward, picked up Millicent Bulstrode's copy of Travels with Trolls and held it up to show his

own, winking portrait on the front.

"Me. - he said, pointing at it and winking as well - Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defence League and five times winner of Witch

Weekly's Most-Charming-Smile Award… but I don't talk about that. I didn't get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her!"

He waited for them to laugh; a few people smiled weakly.

"I see you've all bought a complete set of my books… well done. I thought we'd start today with a little quiz. Nothing to worry about, just to check how well you've read them, how much you've taken in …"

He had handed out the test papers he returned to the front of the class

"You have thirty minutes. Start… now!"

Harry looked down at his paper

1. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favorite color?

2. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's secret ambition?

3. What, in your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement to date?

…

54. When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday, and what would his ideal gift be?

Half an hour later, Lockhart collected the papers and rifled through them in front of the class.

"Tut, tut… hardly any of you remembered that my favorite color is lilac. I say so in 'Year with a Yeti'. And a few of you need to read 'Wanderings with Werewolves' more carefully… I clearly state in chapter twelve that my ideal birthday gift would be harmony between all magic and non-magic peoples… though I wouldn't say no to a large bottle of Ogden's Old Firewhiskey!"

He gave them another roguish wink. Harry was now staring at Lockhart with an expression of disbelief on his face; Crabbe and Goyle, who were sitting in the back, were shaking with silent laughter. Sally and Daphne, on the other hand, were listening to Lockhart with rapt attention.

"And so, to business … Did anyone here notice something… different? From when you entered the class, I mean."

Everyone looked around, trying to see what Lockhart meant.

"Didn't anyone notice how I changed my dress? Tut, tut…You need to pay better attention to your surroundings. Didn't you read 'Year with a Yeti'? I used the same trick in chapter eighteen… It was the chapter's highlight!"

"Wait… The test was just a distraction! You were testing if we were paying attention to our surroundings!" shouted one of the girls.

"Correct, Miss Bulstrode. And now… onto the lesson."

Harry looked at the professor with suspicion. Had he changed the robes to test them or just because he felt like doing so? Using the test as a distraction was a pretty smart way to test their ability to pay attention… assuming, of course, that Lockhart had done it on purpose, which Harry wasn't entirely convinced of.

The professor bent down behind his desk and lifted a large, covered cage.

'Now… Be warned! It is my job to arm you against the foulest creatures known to wizardkind! You may find yourselves facing your worst fears in this room. Know only that no harm can befall you whilst I am here. All I ask is that you remain calm."

Harry leaned around his pile of books for a better look at the cage. If anything, the man sure knew how to get their attention. Lockhart placed a hand on the cover.

"I must ask you not to scream - said Lockhart in a low voice. - It might provoke them."

As the whole class held its breath, Lockhart whipped off the cover.

"Yes. - he said dramatically. - Freshly caught Cornish pixies."

Tracey Davis couldn't control himself and let out a snort of laughter which even Lockhart couldn't mistake for a scream of terror.

"Yes?"

"Well, they're not… they're not very… dangerous, are they?"

"You're second year students, of course they're not! But don't be so sure… Devilish tricky little blighters they can be!"

The eight inches electric blue pixies were rocketing around the cage, rattling the bars and pulling faces at the people in the front row.

"Right then. - Lockhart said loudly. - Let's see what you make of them when they attack… let's say… a defenseless squib! Which I shall graciously assume the role of. Now! Defend me, my students!"

Putting his wand away, he opened the cage. The pixies shot in every direction. Two of them seized Crabbe by the ears and attempted to lift the boy into the air. Several shot straight through the window, showering the back row with broken glass. The pests seemed determined to do their best to wreck the classroom: they grabbed ink bottles and sprayed the students, shredded papers, tore pictures from the walls, upended the waste bin, grabbed bags and books and threw them all over the place. Within minutes, half the class was sheltering under desks.

"Come on now, round them up, round them up! They're only pixies …"

Lockhart shouted, diving under his own desk to narrowly avoid being squashed by the falling candelabra.

"Immobulus!" shouted Blaise, forcing one of the pixies to stop in its tracks, now frozen mid-air.

"Immobulus!" shouted another student, swiftly followed by the rest of the class.

"Immobulus!"

"Immobulus!"

After but a few seconds, all the pixies were frozen in their tracks, idly floating around.

"Well, I'd say you need some more hands-on experience, but it's a decent start. At least you didn't run away like the last class."

This time, a few of the students actually smirked.

Wooden Bridge, Hogwarts, 5th September 1992 (Saturday)

Harry's opinion on Lockhart seemed to sway every time the wizard was mentioned in a conversation. Apparently, he had used the exact same 'fake' test on all second year students, but he had forgotten to explain to the Gryffindor class that the written test was nothing but a distraction. Worst of all, he had even allowed the pixies to get a hold of his wand, which had been promptly tossed out the window. Now, Harry was certain that Lockhart wasn't a good teacher, assuming he must have relied on his fame and cashed in a favor or two to get his license, but he wasn't sure whether or not the man was actually a competent wizard. Had he given Slytherin, Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw a better explanation to the Gryffindors because he realized his mistake, or was he trying to make a total disaster look better by framing it as a miscommunication? Sir Harold had offered an extremely unhelpful comment, suggesting the man might be 'crazier than a Malkavian', but had otherwise offered absolutely no help on the subject.

The group was headed towards Hagrid's hut with Harry carrying the box that contained the mysterious egg. Daphne rushed ahead, patting Fang while the others knocked on the wooden door.

Hagrid's expression brightened when he saw who it was.

"Bin wonderin' when you'd come ter see me. Come in, come in. Professor Snape told me somethin 'bout an egg, right?"

Harry nodded, handing the box to the groundskeeper. Hagrid looked at the egg with a mix of fascination and curiosity. He pulled out a somewhat large scale and a brass gauge and started to take a few measurements, scratching his beard in confusion as he did so. After a few minutes, he returned the egg to Harry.

"Dunno what dat's supposed ter be. Thought it'd be a Wyvern, but it ain't big enough for it. Sorry 'bout that 'Arry."

Harry sighed. If Hagrid didn't know what the egg was, chances are they were never going to figure out what it was.

"It's ok. I guess I'll have to wait until it hatches."

"Lemme 'now when it start: lil thing's mighty intersting if I say 'myself."

Hagrid bustled around, grabbing a large tea kettle and started making them tea. His boarhound Fang, was slobbering over a very happy Daphne scratching him behind his ears.

"Harry - said Hagrid suddenly, as though struck by a sudden thought - gotta bone ter pick with yeh. I've heard you've bin givin' out signed photos. How come I haven't got one?"

Ron couldn't contain a snort. Soon Hagrid's stern facade cracked and the man started to laugh.

"I'm on'y jokin' - he said, patting Harry genially on the back and sending him, face first, into the table. - I knew yeh hadn't really. Yer more famous than him without tryin'. Treacle toffee?" he added, offering a small bag of confections to everyone.

They spent some time talking about this and that before Hermione suddenly remembered something.

"Hagrid, we were wondering about House elves… you're getting a teaching license for Care of Magical Creatures, right? What can you tell about them?"

Hagrid paused for a second, stroking his beard.

"Dat's a good question yehr asking me. House elves ain't in teh curriculums for Care of Magical Creatures or Magizoology and I don't think they'r in teh book for Advanced Magizoology either. 'Dere's plenty of dark creatures there but house elves ain't dark."

"House elves aren't in the curriculum? - asked a somewhat puzzled Sally - But they have to be! They're in every house, they can't simply not teach about them!"

"Dunno what teh tell yah. Kinda wondering m'self now."

"Well… if they aren't in Care for Magical Creatures they have to be in another subject. Maybe… DADA?" asked Hermione.

"No way they teach about House Elves in DADA."

Hermione huffed "Well, where else would they be?"

"Ghoul studies?" suggested Theo.

"House eves ain't undead!" barked Hagrid.

"Wait… ghoul studies is for undead? Likes ghosts and poltergeists?" asked Harry. He was pretty sure there was another class for ghosts… Spook… Phantasm… Spooky Phantasms? No, it was something else…

"Correct. Used ta be all 'bout them corporeal types. Inferi 'n such, but they mixed in ghosts when Phantasms and Spooks's class got sacked."

"Maybe it's that. What if whatever class taught about House elves was also sacked?" suggested Hermione

Ron groaned "Does that mean we have to search for the books of a class that no longer exists? What if they're in the forbidden section?"

"Doubtful - said Daphne. - House elves aren't exactly dangerous creatures. I bet whatever subject they're in, they're in chapter one or two."

"So… where do we start?"

"Probably we should try to find out what classes Hogwarts doesn't teach anymore."

"We should start asking Madam Pince."

As they finished their tea, Sally looked at Hagrid with a smirk.

"So, Hagrid, how have you been doing? Any more dragon eggs this year?"

"Come an' see what I've bin growin'." said the man, guiding the group to the small vegetable patch behind his house, filled with a dozen of the largest pumpkins Harry had ever seen.

"Gettin' on well, aren't they?' said Hagrid happily. 'Fer the Hallowe'en feast ... should be big enough by then."

"What've you been feeding them?" said Harry.

Hagrid looked over his shoulder to check that they were alone.

"Well, I've bin givin' them… you know… a bit o' help."

Harry noticed Hagrid's flowery pink umbrella leaning against the back wall of the cabin.

"An Engorgement Charm, I suppose? - said Hermione, halfway between disapproval and amusement. - Well, you've done a good job on them."

"That's what yer little sister said. - said Hagrid, nodding at Ron. - Met her jus' yesterday." Hagrid looked sideways at Harry, his beard twitching.

"Said she was jus' lookin' round the grounds, but I reckon she was hopin' she might run inter someone else at my house. - He winked at Harry. - If yeh ask me, she wouldn' say no ter a signed picture"

They had barely set foot in the cool Entrance Hall when a voice rang out.

"There you are, Potter"

Professor McGonagall was walking towards them, causing the group to look at each other in confusion. They didn't do anything wrong… did they?

"Professor Lockhart asked whether you'd like to assist him this evening in answering his fan mail."

Harry groaned, causing Professor McGonagall to look at him quizzically.

"Should I tell him you're busy?"

"No… I'll go."

While Harry wasn't happy about it, this was an excellent opportunity to gauge Lockhart's character, maybe help him finally settle on whether the man was a skilled wizard or a hoax.

Notes

Gilderoy Lockhart... Did I mention I had a bit of a unique take? I'm not going to change his character too much, but one thing that really annoyed me is how blatantly incomptetent the man is... and we're suppose to believe he was able to keep up the facade for YEARS? Hell no.

As you've seen in this chapter, Lockhart's abilities and actions are pretty much the same as in canon... I just made it a competent liar. Will he be able to keep up the facade when the Chamber of Secrets is open?

ANNOUNCEMENT!

Starting next week I'll be travelling around to visit some friends in Sweden, then my sister in Germany and my family in Italy, and I won't be back in Albania until the end of August. Since my computer is gonna stay here, I might have some issues posting a new chapter despite having them already on ffnet. I'll try to update regularly, but if I don't, you know the reason.

That also means that I may not be able to respond to your comment until then, even though I will read them all regardless.