Prologue
Plot: Fusing isn't allowed amongst the Jedi, considered a sign of attachment, even though Anakin and his friends on Tatooine used to do it all the time with each other. He's missed that sense of companionship for years, until he meets Padme again and then the 501st and Ahsoka. Maybe they can be the family the Jedi never let him have. Fusion AU
Author's Note: This fic covers most of the Clone Wars so it's gonna be a little bit jumpy. I hope that doesn't bother anyone and that the plot still flows well...
~ Tirana Sorki
Anakin is still dreaming. He can't stop. He wants to wake up and think it's all a dream that's passed like Obi-Wan said, but Anakin knows it's not. His master means well, but he's not right. Not about this.
Obi-Wan has never had visions before. Anakin is one of the few Jedi who has. It's not something he can fully explain to anyone, and something was different this time.
Maybe it's that he's so close to Tatooine, or maybe it's just that his mother's danger is so much more prevalent, and Anakin can't let her die. He can't let her be hurt. He can feel it now when he's meditating, even awake. He can't let someone hurt her. She's his mother. She's the only family he has.
He has to go.
Padme's light footsteps sound behind him, and he can feel her presence moving closer. She's in the doorway, watching him, and it's – it makes it easier. It gives him something to focus and ground on. He's struggled for so, so long at the Temple, because all he had was Obi-Wan, and Anakin loves his master with every shred of his being, but he's just...
Different.
They're close, but... he's the only one Anakin has. He shouldn't want more, but he does. He aches for the familiarity and companionship he had with his mother and his friends on Tatooine.
He hears Padme moving, turning to leave. "Don't go," Anakin requests, and he feels her pause.
"I don't want to disturb you," she admits.
"Your presence is soothing," he confesses, which – it is. She's not a Jedi. She won't judge him. She might not understand, but Padme is the only person he knows who doesn't make him feel like he's drowning under expectations.
"I heard you having another nightmare last night," Padme says. She's watching him worriedly. Anakin's missed that – the simple knowledge of what it means to have friends, to have someone. Someone who looks out for him, and he might be here to protect her, but she still cares for him. She's still his friend.
"Jedi don't have nightmares," Anakin mutters. "It was a vision. I saw my mother. She is suffering, Padme." He turns around to face her. "I saw her as clearly as I see you now. I – I know I'm disobeying my mandate to protect you, but I have to go. I have to help her."
He misses his mother. Anakin misses her with everything he has, and he always thought someday, he'd be able to go back and see her again. But he never expected it to be because he was having visions of her dying.
"I'll go with you," Padme offers.
The offer catches him by surprise, even if probably shouldn't have. Padme's always been nice to him. But still, she's putting herself in danger for him.
"I'm sorry," Anakin tells her, sincerely, "I don't have a choice." He can't leave his mother to die. It's been so many years since he last saw her, he's afraid he's starting to forget what she was like. He has to go back to Tatooine and find her, before it's too late.
**w**
It's been so many years since Anakin left Shmi behind, he didn't know what to expect when he came back for her. He'd assumed her master was hurting her badly. It... didn't entirely seem like something Watto would do, but he wouldn't have been surprised either.
He just wasn't expecting to hear instead that she was freed and married the person who freed her. At least it wasn't the Lars who were hurting her as he'd initially feared.
Anakin promised to come back and free her, but someone else did it instead. She didn't have to live all these years as a slave without him, at least, but it still feels like he failed that promise. He never came back for her.
Until now, and he doesn't know if she's going to make it. She was taken by Tuskens. He knows far too much about what Tuskens do to people.
At least it was strangers who were hurting her, not family, but it doesn't change how she's still being hurt. His mother is being hurt, and Anakin probably couldn't have prevented it even if he stayed, but it still feels as though he could have, like this is somehow his fault. Maybe it is. He knew his mother could be hurt by anyone if he left, but... it was what he wanted to do.
Anakin wanted to help, and he knew everything his mother did for him. If he wasn't there, she wouldn't have to share her rations with him all the time. She might want to help people, but... but he wouldn't have to have been the one responsible.
He could help people, like she always wanted him to, and he meant to come back for her, but he didn't, and Anakin knows his mother would never fault him for it, but he still – he still left her.
Anakin takes Owen's speeder to the Tusken camp. He's good enough at stealth that slipping inside unnoticed is easy. He cuts his way through the back of the dimly tent with his lightsaber.
The only one inside is his mom, and Anakin freezes with gutted horror when he sees her. He knew she'd been hurt, that the Tuskens would have hurt her. It's a miracle she's still alive, but she's hurt.
They've beaten her – he can see the blood on her face, and there's blood patches on her clothes in many places. Anakin has seen his mother hurt before, more times than he can count, but it's never been like this. He's never seen her so still and motionless, barely clinging to life.
She's dying.
He doesn't have to be able to feel it, to see it from just looking at her. He doesn't know how much blood she's lost or how many internal injuries she might have, or – or anything.
He can't have come this far only for her to die. Anakin scrambles to her side, heart pounding with desperation and horror at the sight of her like this. He unties her from the thing where the Tuskens left her. She practically collapses into his arms as he lowers her to the floor. Obviously he's never held her before, but there's no way she should be this light.
"Mom," Anakin breathes, shaking her shoulder. Her presence is still in the Force, though it's slowly flickering back to consciousness. "Mom?"
"Ani?" she asks faintly, slowly opening her eyes. She hardly seems aware that he's here, much less that he's real. "Ani? Is it you?"
"I'm here, Mom," Anakin promises, holding her close, "You're safe."
Her presence brightens a little in the Force, and he sees the realization slowly dawning in her eyes. She shifts, slowly reaching up to touch his face. It's so light and gentle and so her, and he missed her, so much he wants to cry. "Ani?" she asks again, "Oh, you look so handsome. My son." He leans into her touch, pressing a kiss to her palm. "My grown-up son. I'm so proud of you, Ani."
Proud of him?
What could she possibly have to be proud of him for? Except that she's his mother and she always is, even when he can't understand why. He forgot what it was like to be with her. To not be alone.
"I missed you," he whispers, tears in his eyes. He needs to get her out of here, though. Somehow. Fast. She's – she's hurt, and someone needs to take care of her. Soon. Her presence is faltering, struggling to stay conscious, to stay – alive.
And he can't let her go.
He's not going to let her die, but out here there's nothing he can do. He knows there's no way he'll be able to get her somewhere her injuries can be taken care of, before it's too late.
"Now I am complete," his mother whispers.
"Everything will be fine," Anakin promises. She doesn't have time. She's struggling to stay.
It's like a second nature to him when he reaches up, gripping her hand – there's blood all over her wrists, maybe from how roughly she was treated, maybe something else, he doesn't want to know.
Anakin hasn't done this in years, but Shmi is the one who taught him how, who showed him what to do, and maybe it's been a decade, but he still remembers, has craved for the calm and companionship in Fusion that he's been away from for so long.
He feels the morphing, the shifting and twisting as their bodies knit into one, and it's weird to do it with his mother, but it feels right and perfect.
He – they ache everywhere. Everything hurts, but it's not enough to stop them from getting up or slipping out of the tent. Anakin wants to stop to burn it, but he doesn't. His mother doesn't want to stay here longer than she has to, and that's what keeps them moving, slipping from shadow to shadow back to the speeder.
It's a little clumsy to ride on for someone of their size, but it's good enough. They need to get out of here before the Tuskens realize that Shmi is gone.
They can feel some of the wounds bleeding again, and they need to be treated as soon as possible, but it's not half as bad as it was before they Fused. They just need to get back to the Lars homestead as soon as possible.
**w**
Anakin feels like he's covered in bruises everywhere, but at least the cut across his face isn't bleeding anymore. He and Shmi un-Fused after getting back, and even if they have the same injuries now, except the severity was split in half between them, he's been entirely distracted with making sure she's going to be alright first.
He still can't forget the panic of that moment when he thought she was going to die. It had been so close.
"I can't believe you did that," Shmi tells him, though she's still smiling faintly. She looks too worn to say much of anything, as Beru and Padme work on patching up her injuries. After everything she's been through, that's hardly a surprise.
Fusion is also exhausting, once they separate.
"What else could I have done?" Anakin replies. There was nothing else, and he could care less about his own pain, as long as she's alive. If anything, it feels like he deserves it for how long he left her here all alone. It was someone else who helped her, not him.
"I still don't understand what you two did,' Padme interjects, still as baffled as she's been since they returned, but there hasn't really been time to explain it.
They wait until Shmi's injuries are fully treated, leaving her to rest inside, before Anakin slips outside with Padme. He wants to stay next to his mother's bed longer, to just be with her after how long they were apart, but he can at least explain this to Padme first.
"We call it Fusing," Anakin starts, gaze shifting between Padme to stare out at the endless sand dunes beyond. He might not consider this place home, but in truth, he's never felt more at home than when he was here, years ago. "By the legends, only the Children of the Desert can do it. Those who are slaves here know how to do it, and it is... taught to others who are brought here."
"But what is it?" Padme inquires, half amused, half confused, "How can you become the same person?"
He's never had to explain this to anyone before. "We meld our minds and will into one, and it becomes physical. Two, or more, who are one. We become the same when we do it. I do not understand how it works beyond that, but that is why it... is usually only done between those who are close to each other."
He misses that closeness, desperately. He hasn't been able to Fuse with anyone since he left Tatooine. There's no one at the Temple he's close enough to do it with, and even if there were, it wouldn't matter.
Jedi would never allow something that personal and intimate. It would definitely be considered a sign of attachment. And it can only be done with those who are slaves, something none of the Jedi are. Obi-Wan is his master, and in terms of status, that will always set them apart, no matter how close they are.
He always feels so alone at the Temple because of it. He didn't even realize quite how much until he Fused with Shmi again, remembered what it was like to feel like a part of someone again. To be close to someone without so much distance. And he knows none of that is more important than his duty as a Jedi, but that doesn't stop the loneliness that's been tearing him apart for a decade now.
"I still don't understand," Padme admits, looking no less incredulous, "But I guess it isn't any stranger than a lot of the species I've run into."
"Not really," Anakin agrees, amused.
"It looks... bizarre."
He laughs. "No kidding." Even if he's used to it. Some of the Fusions can look very strange, especially between species. He and Kitster used to do it all the time. Both of them Fused with Wald once and they saw the reflection of themselves on the side of a ship. It looked so funny.
"Do the Jedi allow it?" Padme wonders.
"I don't know, honestly," Anakin admits, "I told Obi-Wan about it, but he didn't really believe me. He thought it was too much of an attachment. Literally." Obi-Wan hadn't believed him, and to people who hadn't grown up with Fusion, Anakin can reluctantly admit he understands that. It does sound insane to become one being with another, especially with a life as lonely and isolated as the ones the Jedi live. Sometimes, Anakin doesn't know how the rest of them stand it.
"It must be difficult having sworn your life to the Jedi when everything is so different than what you tell me about Tatooine," Padme comments.
"Sometimes," he admits, "It was. Usually. The Jedi don't have family." And his family has always meant everything to him.
"That must be hard," Padme acknowledges, "I haven't spent much time with my parents or sister since I got into politics. I was hoping to have a family of my own by now, but it's never worked out."
"Many Senators have families," Anakin points out, not judging, but still confused by the statement. Basically all of them do.
"Yes," she agrees, "But there's always so much to do. I don't have the time to devote to a family that I want to someday."
"I do, too," Anakin confesses, "But Jedi aren't allowed attachment. We... don't have families."
"That sounds lonely."
"It is." He doesn't want to admit it, but really, it's the truth. Anakin wants more than he can ever have as a Jedi, but it really doesn't matter. He has a duty to the galaxy, to the Order, to Obi-Wan, and he can't just let that go. "But – I'll be fine."
**w**
They probably would have been fine if Obi-Wan had been fine, but sure enough, he gets captured on Geonosis, and Anakin and Padme go to rescue him. Leaving his mom again is hard, but Obi-Wan needs his help, and Anakin goes without question, even if he's worried about Padme's presence.
He's still injured, but he'll be fine. He's been hurt worse before. Happens all the time.
Doesn't mean Anakin exactly counted on Geonosis erupting into an all-out war. There's about two hundred Jedi in the arena, and far, far more droids. They're being overrun, and Anakin is aching all over. Focusing is hard. Fighting is hard, and trying to cover Padme as she shoots back at the droids is even more difficult.
"I think now would be a good time for some ridiculous Jedi thing," Padme calls over the blaster fire.
"Ridiculous Jedi thing?" Anakin echoes. He could probably pull some sort of Force-stunt, but he doesn't know what, or how.
On that thought...
Sandstorms are dangerous. Anakin is on a planet of sand. It's not that hard to figure. It's convenient, actually, and droids shut down when their joints and circuitry get clogged. It was a big problem for Threepio back on Tatooine. A problem for everything, actually.
Anakin could try, and despite the riskiness, he thinks it'd be worth it, or they won't have much longer here. The only concern is how he's supposed to protect Padme then – he can't leave her unguarded. She might know how to fight, but that doesn't mean she's not in danger, or not scared. He can feel her fear.
"It's risky," Anakin calls back to her, "And I'll have to get you somewhere safe."
"What if we Fuse?"
"What?" Anakin asks, head whipping around to look at her, and nearly gets relieved of his own head for the distraction.
"If we fuse, we'd only have to protect ourselves, right?"
"I don't even know if it would work."
"I think it's worth a try," Padme tells him, and when Anakin looks around again, sees the number of Jedi who have already died, he has to agree. He doesn't know if the Council's sending reinforcements or not, but either way, they won't have long, and they're outnumbered beyond what they can handle.
"Probably." Anakin is injured, but it's not that bad. He doesn't want Padme to be hurt, too, but they don't have time to be picky. She's his friend, and he hates to risk that, but she's literally asking him to.
He doesn't know if he'll be able to. He can try, though. She's right about that. There was a moment on Tatooine where Anakin had almost forgotten she was a Senator, was anything more than a friend. He used to think she was a handmaid, something – lesser, even if she was so kind, and was something far above what Anakin ever could be. She's not like them, but she tries, and she wants this, so somehow, when Anakin takes her hand and wills them to knit together, it works.
He feels different, but Anakin doesn't think about that right now. They're being overrun, and they need to hurry. They delve into the Force, reaching deep and down and inwards, whipping up a storm of sand. The most they can say with an almost ridiculous level of gleefulness, is that this is fun.
He's missed the feeling of not being alone in his own mind, of being a part of someone else.
**w**
The surviving Jedi go after Dooku. Anakin doesn't have the chance to join them. He's focused on getting Padme - them - out of there, and they both pass out almost the moment they unfuse.
When Anakin awakens again, it's to the familiar sounds of the healer's wing at the Jedi Temple. He's been here enough times before to recognize it, and he immediately senses Obi-Wan's familiar Force presence next to him.
"You're finally awake," Obi-Wan observes, relieved. He looks about as worn out as Anakin's been feeling since he first Fused with Shmi, though.
"Hey, Master," Anakin says with as much cheerfulness as he can muster, sitting up.
"How are you feeling?"
"Better," Anakin supplies. At least he's no longer sore in more ways than should be possible.
"What did you and Senator Amidala do?" he demands, incredulously, "Back on Geonosis?"
Oh. Right. That. "We – Remember when I told you about Fusing? That's what we did." He can't help feeling a little uncomfortable having to explain it. He doesn't really know how Obi-Wan would react to it. Doesn't know if he's just going to be as dubious he has been all the years or be... upset about something.
"Yes," Obi-Wan replies slowly, "I do remember. I wasn't aware that you literally became one person."
"...I couldn't have been clearer."
"You were nine," he replies, dryly, "I may have thought you were exaggerating." That's fair. It does sound a little outlandish, to those who know nothing of Tatooine culture and legends. It's not as if Tatooine is a well-knownplanet, either. "But I didn't realize the Senator was... able to do something like that as well."
"I showed her how," Anakin explains.
"Does that have any connection to why you were on Tatooine?"
This whole thing is probably something he ought to explain to Obi-Wan, even if fear lurches inside of him instinctively. He did do exactly what Obi-Wan told he wasn't supposed to do, on his first mission alone. He knows he could be in severe trouble from the Council for what he did.
He could never regret that he finally followed his visions and went to find his mother before it was too late, but still. They will not be pleased if they find out.
Even though he doesn't understand why, because regardless of if she was his mother, he still saved someone's life. She would have died otherwise. It's beside the point whether or not he misses her ceaselessly so much it almost physically hurts, whether or not he's already feeling an overwhelming surge of longing at being away from her again. They didn't even get to have a proper conversation with each other, and now he doesn't know when he'll ever see her again. The Jedi won't let him drop by on Tatooine just to see her. And missions don't really allow for diversion like that.
But at least she's alive and that matters more than anything else, more than how much he'll miss her constantly. Hopefully, she'll... at least be safe this time.
Obi-Wan is still looking at him expectantly.
Anakin's gaze drops, avoiding his gaze when he answers. "I – I had to go see if there was something to my visions," he blurts finally, mostly rambling to get it out before Obi-Wan can interrupt with... whatever he'll have to say about it. "I know what you told me but I – I found her. She was being hurt, Master. By the Tuskens. They were torturing her. I was almost too late to save her. She wouldn't have made it if – if we hadn't Fused."
He pauses, drawing in a deep breath, past the emotions strangling him as he relieves those last panicked moments when he thought he was about to lose her forever, to fail her. "Padme was curious about the Fusion thing, after that," he adds, as an afterthought. "I know I was supposed to stay on Naboo to protect her but I – I couldn't keep doing nothing about my visions."
"It appears you still did well on that mission," Obi-Wan replies, studying him. Relief flickers through Anakin at the words – he genuinely expected a lot more annoyance. "I assume this Fusion is why you were so badly injured in the arena?"
Anakin nods. "We take each other's injuries, when we Fuse."
"I still don't understand how that's possible," Obi-Wan replies, flatly.
"I don't understand any more of it than I told you," he offers.
"Now you see why I didn't believe you," he grumbles.
"Is it really more outlandish than many of the things we've seen?"
"Seeing as I've never seen you over seven feet tall and looking more like Senator Amidala than yourself, yes."
Anakin laughs at the incredulousness in his voice. "Fine. Maybe it is. But I've had stranger Fusions than that one."
"I won't ask." Obi-Wan touches his shoulder, fleetingly. "How is she?"
He blinks. "What?"
"Your mother."
Oh. "She's – she'll be fine. I took half her injuries when we... Fused."
"I didn't realize your dreams were anything more than dreams," he says, after a long pause.
It's about as close to an apology as he'll probably get, but it still means a lot. Anakin knows Obi-Wan's never had visions before so he wouldn't have a way to know, but it had still... hurt that his mother nearly died because he'd listened to him.
"I know."
He understands it even if it hurts.
Anakin's mind jumps back to the last of what he remembers on Geonosis. There were people there, and he couldn't make sense of their presences. "Those soldiers," he inquires, "Who were they?"
"They're clones," Obi-Wan explains, "Of the bounty hunter who attempted to assassinate the Senator. Allegedly, a Jedi commissioned the creation of a clone army ten years ago, though the Council confirmed that was untrue."
"Ten years ago?" Anakin repeats. "They didn't look like they were ten?"
"The Kaminoans altered their genes to double their aging, evidently."
That's – that's awful. Life is short enough already, and for that to be shortened even farther? "This sounds like a report I should read."
"I agree," Obi-Wan tells him dryly, sitting on the edge of the bed beside Anakin.
He skims the report, mostly, at least. Just the important details – there's always many unnecessary details in reports.
The one, main thing that catches Anakin's attention is the mentions of the clone's presences. The idea intrigued him from the start, but – but he has many, many questions about it. There's a lot of things he doesn't understand still.
It takes a while and a Senate trip for Anakin to realize exactly who and more importantly, what the clones are.
The Senate purchased them from the Kaminoans. They weren't recruited. They may have been raised to be soldiers, but that almost makes it worse. At least they don't know any other life, so they can't miss it, but at the end of the day, they're – they're slaves.
Just like Anakin once was.
The Republic was complicit in this. They agreed to do it, and for the first time in his life, Anakin finds himself doubting. Doubting everything.
He believes in the Republic, because he knows anything, no matter how broken it is, can be repaired. But that doesn't change how they have a slave army now. And to fix this? That's where he needs to start.
By freeing the clones, who deserve so much more than anyone will ever be willing or able to do for them.
Maybe it'll take years, but this is no different than the many slaves Anakin has tried to free over the years as his time as a Jedi. He's not going to stop until it's done.
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