Defeat.

In my mind right now, it was the single worst word in the English language. To have to concede defeat was something that I always hated, something that I would often opt to refuse to suffer through if I could help it. I would say that it is something I would try to avoid, but...well, obviously, that implies that I try in the first place, right?

...Right

Well, regardless of whether or not I wished to accept it, I was certainly suffering through it right now, just the same way as I had been suffering through it for the past few weeks. Ever since I was unceremoniously voted off of that hellhole of an island by my so-called teammates on the Screaming Gophers, I have spent most of my time pretty much the same: I wake up, hole myself up in the room provided to me at this five-star resort that they've sent the losers of Total Drama Island off to, and attempt to ignore every last person who, for whatever reason they might have, keep trying to get me to "open up" to them, as if I'm some horribly misunderstood recluse who just needs to make a friend or two to turn his life around. Trust me, I've seen that story play out time and time again, and each and every time I've seen it, it goes just about how anyone with more than two braincells in their head could predict it to.

Besides, it isn't like I actually wanted to communicate with anyone who got sent to this place. After all, the only other two people who were on this island resort when I arrived were the sexist, homeschooled, prairie boy who I refused to talk to on the grounds of his mere smell disgusting me to no end, and the meathead who spent a majority of her time beating up said prairie boy or simply working out in the ridiculously large gym this place had to offer. Not that I truly had much problem with her, mind you, but her and I respected each other's boundaries enough to know that neither of us truly needed to talk to one another, now that the show was over for the both of us.

However, as people kept coming in from Camp Wawanakwa, the more I found this stint of mine on the so-called "Playa des Losers" growing lonelier by the day. To be frank, I had absolutely zero expectations when it came to my Anti-Me on if he would even bother speaking, let alone for him to speak to me; One thing that I didn't expect though was for Katie to arrive on the island and actually stay quiet most of the time, rather than try to fill the void that her BFFFFFFFFFFFFFFL left behind, or whatever it was that they constantly called each other back on the island. From then on, it only got worse: Tyler pretty much stayed out of my way the entire time; Izzy found it far more interesting to mess with the homeschooled kid or hang around Eva than speak to me, unless she was teasing me about that incident during the awake-a-thon which shall go unnamed...and I suppose while speaking of it, that would bring me to the person on the other end of that accident which sunk both of our social lives to even deeper depths than they had already sank to. I had expected for Cody to try and drag me out of my room, force me to hang out with him as the only other nerd in the hotel, or try to make me apologize to people for realizing that this competition wasn't playing up to my strengths...but even after he got himself healed up from the mauling he received by a bear, of all things, he didn't bother reaching out to me, not even once.

It was around this time that the deprivation started getting to me; The human mind is not meant to be socially isolated for days on end, and eventually I even found myself craving interaction with the others...yet I still couldn't bring myself to do so. After all, why would I ven want to talk with any of these morons? Why would I want to listen to "Zeke" try and fail to desperately blend in with the "hip, teenage crowd" that the viewers at home were supposedly a part of? Why would I want to listen to the constant, constant, constant squealing from Katie and Sadie while they fawn over the Anti-Me, who never stops staring at his own reflection? Why would I want to get constantly spat on by Beth whenever she tries to enunciate whatever idiotic thing that pops in her head at any given moment?

Why would I...even want to do anything?

Eventually, my own reclusion started to worsen. I had a rough estimate of what depression felt like, having helped some of my sisters go through it back at home whenever they were getting over a breakup and it somehow fell onto me to take care of them through their trials and tribulations, but I never realized it could be so...awful. I remain locked in my own room, reading the same five-or-so books over and over again; Not so much as to entertain myself or to catch up on "summer reading", but merely to try and aide myself in the Sisyphean task of keeping myself sane. Days would pass by with me barely ever leaving me room, with the exception of whenever my hunger got the best of me and forced my hand in going downstairs to grab whatever food I could manage without being seen by the others. Unfortunately for me, despite this being a 5-star luxury resort that just so happened to look exactly like the one they advertised for the main competition to be held in, the Canadian minimum drinking age still applied, so I couldn't even try to drown my sorrows away by discovering the joy that every middle-aged mother in North America has discovered by finding out what it's like to be tipsy at 3 in the morning with only a book to keep me company.

Eventually though, it all had to come crashing down for me...but luckily for me, it didn't happen in anywhere close to the way that I had envisioned it would.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

"Yo, Noah! You in there, man?"

That voice. That grating, self-serving, obnoxious, attention-seeking voice could only belong to one man. I groaned, trying to bury myself back into my covers and pretend as though I had simply faded away from this world, seeing as to how I was practically obsolete to the rest of the world in comparison to the remaining competitors on the show. Unfortunately, life would have other plans, as Chris' voice rang out once more.

"Come on, dude, this could be a big moment for you! Don't make me go get Chef to bust the lock on your door!"

Groaning once more, I dragged myself out of bed, still in the same clothes I had worn the prior night when I had fallen asleep, and slowly meander my way to the door, unlocking it for the host. Swinging open the door with perhaps just a percentage more vigor than Chris had seen out of me in the entire competition, my gaze briefly flickers to the eyes of an ever-arrogant Chris McLean. He looks around my room, my belongings strewn about, just as it had normally been ever since I arrived to this Playa de Losers, and I focus on not staring at him. After a few moments pass, a smile breaks out onto his face as he gently-but-forcefully pushes me aside and walks into the room.

"So, Noah, buddy, how exactly have you been holding up in here?" He asked, any real concern in his voice being masked by the overwhelming smell of some cologne, a single bottle of which probably costing more than whatever amount of the budget he actually spent on the campgrounds.

"Oh, I'm doing..." I start, looking to go for one of my usual snarky remarks, but...something causes me to hesitate. Looking over Chris for a few moments, and then the room around me, a realization starts to dawn on me, and I let out a small sigh.

"...not good, actually, Chris." I mutter, lowering my gaze, causing Chris to let out a small chuckle.

"Aw, what's wrong, Noah? None of your usual sarcastic jabs to throw at me now that you're here with the rest of these losers?" Chris teases, almost flaunting to my face the fact that I am here while the show is still going on, knowing that the chance to become the proud owner of one hundred thousand dollars has long since passed me by.

That comment, however, proves to be enough to finally get me to break, as I look up, showing to him far more desperation than I had ever intended. "...Ever since I came here, I have been completely isolated from the others, Chris. I haven't had the will to go out there and apologize to my former teammates for what I did, or perhaps more appropriately, for what I didn't do during my time on the show. I've holed myself up in my room and have done nothing but read the same books over and over again, just to keep myself from going completely insane." I find my voice getting a touch louder, not letting Chris get a word in as I spill my guts out to him, blissfully unaware of the camera in the doorway that is filming every second of this interaction. "I barely eat, I sleep all day long, and...and I just want to go home, Chris." I let out a small sigh, which slowly turns into a whimper as it sets in just how pathetic this all sounds. "I just want to go home, and never speak of this show again, and just go back to being the kid who likes to think he's the smartest one in the room, all because I'm at the top of my class and deluded myself into thinking I'd make for a good class president, despite the fact that I only even won that nomination because I made a deal with the football team to increase their equipment budget in exchange for their votes come election time!" I can feel the first pinpricks of tears welling up in my eyes, but force myself to hold them back, refusing to let myself be seen as someone that pathetic, no matter what I've already said. "I just want to go home, and...and just admit defeat, okay?" My breath grows shaky, my arms quivering as I feel my legs struggling to support the weight of my body, which feels as though it's increased tenfold just through my own admissions. "There, THERE, I said it! I admit defeat! Is...is that what you wanted to hear?! You wanted to hear the know-it-all finally give up and make it clear that he lost at...at some stupid reality TV show?!" I call out to nobody in particular, before forcing myself to take a couple of staggered, deep breaths.

Looking up, I notice Chris making a 'cut' motion towards the cameraman before turning to me, his expression...disappointed? I go to question this, but he cuts me off.

"Look, Noah, you and I both know that the contract you signed prevents you from going home until the end of the show, unless you want to be sued for breach of contract." He tells me, as if it's meant to make me feel any better, but after a nod to the cameraman, his face lights up once more. "Buuuuuttt, what I can do for you Noah, is offer you something that could bring you out of this..." Chris stops speaking, motioning around the room, and then down to me. "...you know what I mean."

My uneasiness grows the more that Chris speaks, an odd feeling of dread coming over me...as well as something else; Something I hadn't exactly been feeling much of since arriving to compete on Total Drama Island...hope. A clap of Chris' hands shakes me out of my own thoughts, and I look to him with an eyeroll in response.

"Oh, and what exactly could you offer me that this resort can't? I already know that the next elimination is going to make this place even more unbearable, but I'm sure I've figured out by now the best times to go and enjoy the food shipments made here while avoiding everyone else in the process." I respond, trying to get back to my usual self. "And besides, I know how strict the law is when it comes to the legal drinking age, so I doubt you could pull enough strings that you could break that law as well, McLean." I continue, but Chris' smile refuses to fade, as he places a hand onto my shoulder.

"No, Noah, I'm here to offer you something better. Something much, much better..." Chris says, his grin turning rather sinister as he looks towards me. Then, as he speaks, it feels as if time itself stops, even if but for the briefest of moments, when his next words escape his lips.

"How would you feel about returning to the show, Noah?"

As soon as those words escape his lips, I can feel a chill shooting up and down my spine, as I visibly shudder from his offer. To be given a chance to return to the show, a second chance at winning the grand prize of a hundred thousand dollars...the opportunity for redemption for my past failures...the chance to turn a complete and utter defeat into a near-guaranteed success. A few seconds pass before I finally shake myself back to the present moment, finding a hand outstretched before me...and with Chris' smile being on the opposite end of this formal agreement, I look down at his hand, then back to Chris...

"...You've got yourself a deal, Chris." I tell him, taking the handshake, only for Chris to nearly crush my hand in his grip.

"Great to hear! Now then, come with me, Noah, time to deliver the big news to everyone!" He declares, giving me no time to reply before he is dragging me out of my room, down the stairs, and into the lobby of the hotel resort.

After a few moments, Chris finally lets go of my hand, before waltzing over to the poor staff member forced to run the front desk, and comandeering the control to the intercom system that, for perhaps this very moment, had been installed into the hotel speakers.

"EX-CAMPERS! MEET ME DOWN IN THE HOTEL LOBBY PRONTO, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO WANT TO MISS OUT ON THIS!" Chris bellows into the microphone, with a chorus of annoyed cries and groans following from upstairs.

After a few more minutes of waiting, the rest of the eliminated contestants are stood before both myself and Chris, all of whom are looking towards McLean with varying degrees of confusion and annoyance on their faces.

"Ex-campers, I'm not sorry about the sudden wake-up call, but I've got big news for each and every one of you! One of you former competitors will be returning to Camp Wawanakwa to re-join the competition, starting from the next challenge onwards!" Chris declares, and suddenly, the room's collective intrigue rises by quite a large margin, as various people make their voices heard on this matter, talking over one another until Chris forces them to silence. "Upupup, now hold on there, losers! I've already made my decision on which one of you lucky chumps are getting the opportunity of a lifetime to make a second impression on the millions of ever-fickle fans watching at home! And let me tell you, despite the fact they didn't have a lot of time spent on the island, they sure as heck seemed to leave an impact with our fans! So then, ladies and gentlemen, without any further adieu, the person getting their second chance on Total Drama Island is..."

After a few moments of bated breath from those watching on in the audience, Chris would step aside...and suddenly, all eyes fell on me, as Chris motioned to me with glee in his eyes.

"The resident know-it-all who got eliminated third overall and was the first one booted off of his team, Noah!" Chris exclaimed, as if it was going to soften the blow any more for the others, knowing now that their opportunity had been passed over, and in exchange, I was going to be the one returning to the island; However, even I wasn't exactly prepared for the response given, especially by one ex-camper in particular...

"WHAT?!"

Courtney's voice bellowed clearly over all others, and I felt fear shoot through me as she stepped forward, instinctively gulping as I felt her eyes locked firmly onto me...but after a few seconds, her gaze shifted, and turned towards our host.

"Are you SERIOUS McLean?! You're giving HIM another chance at winning a hundred thousand dollars, and not ME?! I got ROBBED out of my chance of winning that show, and instead of doing the right thing and giving me the second chance that I deserve, you're giving the opportunity to someone who willingly threw it away because he didn't want to play a game of dodgeball?!" Courtney screeched, causing Chris to immediately enter damage control mode, looking towards me as if I was going to help him out of this mess.

"W-Well, Courtney, the people in charge of this show took a bit of a fan poll, a-and Noah here was the one that came out on top! I-It was a close race between him, Cody, and Eva surprisingly enough, b-but I figured what with Cody's injuries, it'd only be fair-" Chris tries to explain, only for Courtney to butt in once more.

"Fair?! FAIR?! What'd be FAIR is for me to be given a second shot on the show! What would be FAIR is for me to still BE on that island, continuing to DOMINATE that game like I already was, and to be well on my way to earning that hundred grand!" Courtney yells out, and whether it be through my own arrogance at getting this second shot, or just sheer uncaring of Courtney's plight, something in my mind yells out for me to speak up.

"Oh, can it, Courtney. You heard Chris, the fans chose me as their favorite out of you rejects! What, are you going to sue the fans for having opinions?" I taunt, feeling a small surge of pride course through me as I recognize that I haven't lost my sarcastic talents, but surprisingly, Courtney doesn't retaliate against me immediately.

Instead, she turns to Chris, a smile on her face as she begins to reach into her pocket. After a few moments, she pulls out a PDA, and holds it up for Chris to see.

"Actually, Noah? For once, your annoying sarcasm gave me a great idea! After all, even if I can't sue the fans for how they voted in an online poll, I could probably craft a slam dunk case for my attorneys to go after, given how I was wrongfully eliminated from this competition by illegal methods. I'm sure being put on the hook for a breach of contract would be a great look for you, McLean." Courtney states, a gleam in her eye as she begins to text away, but suddenly, Chris reaches out, surprising both me and Courtney as he grabs her free hand, shaking it frantically.

"W-Well then! I-It seems as though plans have changed! Turns out, there's enough room in the schedule for TWO ex-campers to return to the island, s-so congratulations to you as well, Courtney! You and Noah will both be returning to Total Drama Island, first thing tomorrow morning!" Chris exclaims, fear and panic in his eyes at the prior mention of a lawsuit, and while Courtney and I share a momentary glance towards one another of shock at this sudden change of heart for Chris, it proves to be fleeting.

Chris turns to the rest of the ex-campers, a smile forcibly plastered onto his face as he goes to address them, but his words fail to reach my ears, as I find myself instead lost in thought. With but one simple handshake and a potentially illegitimate fan interest poll put up online, I find myself with a second chance. A second try at making myself one hundred thousand dollars richer, my life flipped upside down in an instant. Returning my gaze towards Courtney, I immediately realize what I must do. I couldn't simply rest on my laurels like I had done in the dodgeball challenge. I couldn't be the lazy know-it-all that I wanted to be...I had to change. I had to come up with a game plan, I had to come up with a strategy, a scheme, something that nobody else on the island would see coming. Most importantly, though, I had to change my ways. Because right now, I feel as though I can see clearly, for the first time since arriving onto the island and stepping foot on Camp Wawanakwa, I see clearly. After being defeated, after being brought down to my knees, after hope all but ran out, on this day, I see clearly. I see what once was: This bitter place, all of the broken dreams that inhabit it...I have been given the chance to leave it all behind. Never will I have to long for what might have been, or have to let the aches of regret waste my life with what could have been...

I will leave it all behind, and I will win Total Drama Island, no matter what it takes.