Onions. Onions are extremely powerful items that are capable of causing the complete and utter destruction of the universe unless used properly. Shrek was one of the few capable of harnessing their power and not becoming completely overwhelmed by the sheer amount of energy that radiated from them. Throughout his years of existence he had used onions in order to benefit the world and all that lived within it. However, something happened one day that would change history forever. Everything started off as one might expect. He was eating onions and watching an early preview of Shrek 5 that he had been granted access to in order to review the movie and make it perfect.

Then he bit into an onion and something magical happened. He felt a disturbance in the force and his pants. He looked down and saw a massive bulge sticking out of his pants. Shrek knew what boners were yet was still trying to figure out what caused them. Usually he was able to figure out what had caused them but this time was different. The boner had appeared out of nowhere and was larger than usual. Suddenly he felt strange. The boner he had started to grow larger and larger. It burst out of his clothing and made a massive hole in his wall. That was not the end of it, the boner continued to grow larger. It eventually got so big that Shrek was struggling to keep his balance. Luckily due to his absolute strength he was able to stay on his feet.

His boner got so massive that by the time it stopped growing it spread across the entire universe and nearly managed to enter the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Shrek had a big problem and needed to find someone capable of helping him. "Donkey!" he shouted in an erotic accent. A beam of light appeared above him and Donkey came down in a satanic way.

Donkey landed just next to Shrek and analyzed the situation, "I think I know how we can solve your problem," Donkey said.

"How do we solve this malarkey?" Shrek asked in an angry tone.

Donkey blinked 57 times before answering Shrek, "We must climb onto your boner and find out what lies at the end. This happened to my uncle once," Donkey declared gayly. Shrek nodded and realized that Donkey had an IQ of 420 meaning he was far more educated. With his mind set he leaped up into the air doing a triple backflip and landed on his elongated schlong. Donkey merrily bit a chunk out of an onion that laid on the ground and teleported next to Shrek.

"Alright let us do this thing!" Shrek shouted happy to go on another adventure but still slightly nervous on what he would find. Donkey dabbed as they started to journey up the pathway to heaven. "So Donkey," Shrek began to say, "You ever seen a boner like this before?"

Donkey threw his right eyeball into Shrek's face and said, "Naw mate dis is da first time." Shrek masticated knowing that he achieved the world's longest boner and would be on PewNews or DramaAlert soon. The epic gang made their way up the boner for 2000 decades and eventually found a small house off to the side of the path. Shrek stared at the house for 2 days before deciding to check it out. Donkey had to attend a rubix cube club meeting and would be back in exactly 5 seconds so Shrek needed to hurry. He made his way into the house without knocking and found a small man dressed in gothic clothing.

"Hello there buddy chum pal friend buddy," the man said. The man was sitting on the side of a small table holding a gun in his hand. Shrek was aware of what was happening and sat down on the opposite end.

Shrek glared at the man as he said, "I see you are a moist man." The man only nodded without speaking a word. Shrek put up his hand and a lightsaber flew into it, "I think I can help you out with that." Shrek did a backflip out of the chair and landed a few feet away from the table. Out of nowhere a mysterious man crashed in from the rooftop holding a pineapple pizza in his hands. The mystery man was revealed to be none other than an alter ego Gordon Ramsay.

Evil Ramsay spoke with pure malice in his voice, "Stay away from the boy you disgusting ogre." Shrek said 'nein' and started to dual the chef. The gothic man in the back watched with complete horror knowing that Shrek could die. Shrek was using all of his power to defeat the evil that resided within the universe. Eventually Shrek managed to chop off Evil Ramsay's left ear and achieve victory; Evil Gordan Ramsays need their left ear to survive.

Shrek walked up the table and spoke with the man once more, "I did it. Now give me what I came for." The man nodded and pulled out a hot pocket from his pocket. Shrek took the delicious treat with pride and shoved it down his throat, "That good," he said.

Shrek was beginning to leave but was stopped when the man said, "Shrek wait!" Shrek turned around and faced the man once more. He could see that the man had stage 2 depression and needed help. The man let out a single tear and said, "What if I never see you again?" Shrek slowly approached the man and placed a hand on his shoulder.

With pure good in his voice he said, "No u." The man smiled upon hearing those very words as Shrek flew out of the window. He knew that Shrek would forever guide him in life and that from this very moment he would be safe. Shrek's journey was far from over however as he needed to reunite with Donkey. It turned out that Donkey had actually got caught up in a war between Minecraft and Roblox and had his rubix cube club meeting delayed so they were able to continue on their adventure.

Donkey looked up at Shrek as they walked along the boner, "Anything interesting happen so far?"

Shrek nodded, "I had to stop an Evil Gordon Ramsay from tormenting an emo man," he stated.

Donkey squinted as if he was just blinded by a flashbang in CS:GO but was not fully looking at it, "Did you ever manage to get the man's name?"

Shrek facepalmed -2 times and exclaimed, "How could I mess something like that up!" Donkey just shook his head not thinking much of it. How important could such a simple little detail like that really be? Little did they know just what was going to happen next would change their lives forever.