Final Fantasy VII
A World That Sends You Reeling
By Lucky_Ladybug
Notes: The characters aren't mine and the story is! This is just a little something I got as inspiration while frustrated by some aspects of Crisis Core canon. I think the writing style of this one was inspired by the wonderful PrismaticPichu's fics.
MIA.
MIA.
It was one of the most horrible words, acronyms, that Zack had ever heard. Only KIA was worse, and the way things had been going lately, he thoroughly feared one becoming the other.
He was still reeling from the horrible meeting he had just come from with Lazard. The director of SOLDIER had laced his fingers together, resting his chin on him as he spoke. Even with the glare of his glasses, he could do nothing to disguise his immense worry.
"Sephiroth has gone MIA on his current mission," he had said once they were alone in the office. "Given the current state of things, we're not sure if he's deserted like Angeal and Genesis did or if something has gone wrong that's out of his control. If we don't hear from him within the next few hours, we're dispatching you to find out what's happened."
Zack didn't know what to say, what to think, what to do. So soon after the horror and heartbreak of Modeoheim, he couldn't even protest that Sephiroth wouldn't desert. He was no longer sure deserting wasn't the right thing to do in such an organization as Shinra was turning out to be.
And if Sephiroth hadn't deserted . . . if something really was wrong on his mission . . .
He left Lazard's office in a complete daze, wandering down the hall without really thinking about or caring where he was going.
He had idolized Sephiroth so much for years, as many had. Zack had been determined to join SOLDIER and become a hero like him. And Sephiroth saving him from the rampaging Ifrit on their first meeting had been incredible, epic, and everything Zack could have hoped and dreamed.
Until the monster was gone and Sephiroth was examining the bodies of the Genesis clones and had informed Zack that Angeal had deserted like Genesis had.
Zack, of course, hadn't been willing to accept that. He had screamed at Sephiroth and run off.
Thinking back on it now, it made his stomach drop. He, a Second Class at the time, had screamed at the General. Sephiroth could have done all manner of things to him as punishment, from blocking the promotion to First Class to who knew what else.
Instead, he had done none of that. He had decided to finish Zack's training himself in Angeal's absence. Zack had still been bitter over Sephiroth's seeming lack of trust in Angeal and hadn't fully appreciated that, always comparing him unfavorably to Angeal and hating how aloof Sephiroth was. But Sephiroth had been a good teacher. Zack had to admit that even then. And he had been kind, not the human glacier some people whispered he was.
Then later, when they had been ordered to kill Angeal and Genesis and Sephiroth had risked everything to defy those orders instead, he had opened up to Zack. He had been a good friend, a loyal friend, who still loved them so much despite all the horrible things they had been doing.
Had it been right to defy those orders?
Zack just wasn't even sure anymore. So many innocent people had suffered and died because of Genesis's schemes, schemes that Angeal had taken part in at least for a while.
Really, Zack wasn't sure of much of anything anymore. Everything he had believed in all his short life had been turned upsidedown and backwards. Some of his ideas had been stark black-and-white and just wrong, like automatically deciding wings made someone a monster. Cissnei had shown him the error of such thinking and that had helped him when Angeal had revealed that he, like Genesis, had wings.
Not that Zack's improved viewpoint had helped Angeal much. . . .
Why had Sephiroth opened up to him that day?
It wasn't like they had really known each other well or that Sephiroth was a gregarious sort who opened up to everyone. It was rare as far as Zack knew. For him to have opened up to Zack, it almost seemed it must have been about Zack specifically. Knowing those memories hadn't really helped with their assignment, though, so that likely hadn't been the reason.
Had Sephiroth had wanted to talk to Zack? To reminisce? Had he thought it would just be a nice story of more pleasant times?
. . . Not that it was really such a nice story when Genesis had become so violently jealous. He had even harmed Angeal for getting in the way of the fight.
Why, Sephiroth? Why did you tell me?
If it was anyone else, Zack would consider such story-sharing to be a friendly gesture, an indication of feeling close to the person being told. But when it was Sephiroth . . . that wasn't possible.
Was it?
Zack stopped walking, staring off into the distance with mounting, sickened horror. Had he completely misread Sephiroth? Had the human glacier actually been trying to reach out to him, even feeling close enough to him to consider him a friend, and Zack hadn't picked up on it because he hadn't thought Sephiroth cared or would ever be interested in being friends with him?
Maybe now there would never be a chance to find out, to try to make it right.
All of this was bad enough, but making it worse was what Zack had said to Sephiroth right before the man had left on this mission.
"You're just going away again already?!" Zack exclaimed when the assignment came through. The sword of Modeoheim was still in his heart, and even though he didn't think Sephiroth felt close to him, he just wasn't ready for another emotional upheaval so soon. Sephiroth being there was something familiar, comforting on some level. He was the last link to Angeal.
"It's an important mission," Sephiroth replied.
"You've turned down missions before," Zack pointed out.
"There's no reason to turn down this one." Sephiroth folded the paper and moved to head out of his office. "And it has to be taken right now."
Of course that was true. Zack wouldn't childishly expect Sephiroth to stay for him, especially when he hadn't said he wanted that. Especially when he didn't consciously realize he did want that. But it still hurt. And Zack wasn't in the best of mind-sets at the moment.
"Genesis and Angeal both just died!" he exclaimed. "And you're just leaving now?!"
Sephiroth paused. "That's how the military is," he said. "You should know that by now."
"Or maybe you just want to get away from everything that reminds you of them?!" Zack retorted.
Sephiroth frowned at that and looked back. "Zack, you're not making sense."
"Of course I'm not, because nothing makes sense anymore!" Zack shot back.
From Sephiroth's expression, he didn't know how to handle this at all. But he went over to Zack, his expression serious but not unkind. "I know you've been through a horrific strain," he said. "I never wanted that for you."
"Yeah, that's why you bailed on the mission to Banora and sent me instead," Zack found himself bitterly snapping. "You didn't want to have to kill them, so you sent me to do it instead!"
"That's not true!" Hurt flashed through Sephiroth's eyes. "I knew they wouldn't listen to me. I honestly thought Angeal might listen to you and then he could convince Genesis."
"That's what you say," Zack retorted.
A Shinra guard appeared at the end of the hall. "Sephiroth, sir, the helicopter is ready. We have to go right now."
Sephiroth looked to him and nodded. "I'll be right there." Turning back to Zack, he said, "I can't talk about this now. I'm sorry. We'll pick it up when I get back."
"You won't be coming back!" Zack retorted. "You'll be gone, just like Angeal and Genesis!"
Sephiroth looked like he'd been slapped. "Well," he said at last, "we'll find out, won't we." He turned, heading down the hall towards the elevator.
Zack had felt badly for his outbursts as soon as Sephiroth was gone. His words had been uncalled-for. And Sephiroth, despite being clearly hurt, had not retaliated. He had stayed calm through it all.
. . . Maybe that had been part of what had frustrated Zack too. If Sephiroth had just shown some emotion instead of being so infuriatingly calm . . . !
Somehow Zack had walked all the way to Sephiroth's office. He stood looking through the darkened glass at the lonely desk. For a moment he pictured Sephiroth sitting there, going over documents. But then the image faded and Zack was left with cold, hard reality.
Another office with no occupant, who would probably never be coming home either. And Zack had predicted it. He had squandered the time he'd had with Sephiroth, hadn't always appreciated even being with him, and now would never see him again or have the chance to make things right.
The dam broke. He sobbed, slumping against the glass with one hand on it.
He didn't know how long he stayed there at Sephiroth's office door. Eventually he sat on the floor next to it, his knees drawn up to his chest and his forehead resting against his crossed arms, waiting.
Waiting for Lazard to call and tell him to go. . . .
For Lazard to tell him Sephiroth had been found dead. . . .
For Sephiroth to come back, alive and well.
The latter wasn't going to happen.
When he finally heard footsteps approaching him, he didn't look up. It was bad news, he knew it was bad news, and he couldn't bear to face it. Maybe if he just didn't look, he could hold it off longer. . . .
"Zack."
He looked up with a jerk. Sephiroth was standing there, absolutely exhausted. His hair was windblown and tangled and the Masamune was stretched out behind him. He was holding it lower than usual. He was so tired and looked close to collapsing.
But he was alive.
Zack was just staring at him in disbelieving awe. "Sephiroth . . . what happened?"
"We were shot down and there was no means of communication," Sephiroth said. "It looks like it was the work of AVALANCHE." He sighed. "Apparently they're going to be a serious problem."
"But you're okay and everything?" Zack demanded. "You're not hurt?!"
"I'm alright." Sephiroth bent down in front of him.
Zack was still staring at him, still trying to process this was real. "I thought you were gone," he choked out. "Never coming back. . . ."
Sephiroth nodded regretfully. "I'm sorry for worrying you. I know you didn't want me to go."
"I . . ." Zack shook his head. "I was just saying stupid stuff. I knew you had to go. I . . . shouldn't have said any of that junk. I didn't mean it!"
"You're hurting," Sephiroth said. "What happened at Modeoheim is still a fresh wound in your heart. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you."
Zack could scarcely believe what he was hearing. He had been the one hurting Sephiroth over and over in that argument, but Sephiroth was apologizing to him?
Sephiroth set the Masamune on a row of chairs to the side and turned back to Zack. "I know I'm not Angeal, and I'm aware you care only because I'm someone who knew him, but I will do my best to support you and be here for you whenever I can."
An arrow saturated in guilt slammed into Zack's heart. That was what Sephiroth honestly thought. And it was completely reasonable to think that; Zack had thought that himself for a while. But having had this time to really reflect and think, Zack knew that wasn't true.
"That's not it," he said, shaking his head. "I don't care about you for a reason like that! I care about you because . . . because you're Sephiroth. I like you for you! Even if I get frustrated sometimes because I don't understand you."
Sephiroth stared at him. "Really, Zack?"
"Really!" Zack insisted. He hesitated. "I . . . I was wondering why you opened up to me on our mission. It just didn't make sense to me. But then I . . . I started wondering . . . if you were just trying to be friends."
Sephiroth was silent for a moment. "Yes," he admitted. "Yes, I was."
Zack sighed guiltily. "I'm sorry I didn't get it."
A faint shrug. "Hardly anyone ever does."
"You mean . . ." That made Zack feel even worse. "You've tried before?"
"Yes. And even those I thought were friends didn't always understand me. Genesis never seemed to." There was sadness in his eyes at this statement.
Zack felt sad too. "Man, I'm sorry. I'll never leave you like Genesis did. I mean . . ." He shifted uncomfortably. "If you still want to be friends with a screw-up like me, I . . . I'd like that. A lot."
Sephiroth finally smiled a bit. "I'd like that as well."
Zack grinned. "You're the best! . . . Better than I deserve," he added, sobering again.
Sephiroth got to his feet and reached to help Zack up. "Everyone makes mistakes. But not everyone recognizes that and acknowledges it."
Zack gripped Sephiroth's hand and hopped up. "You look really beat," he said seriously. "Can I help with anything?"
"I want to wash my hair," Sephiroth replied. "After that, I wouldn't mind some company for a while."
"Company I can do!" Zack said. "And I'll bring food!"
Sephiroth eyed him suspiciously. "What kind of food?"
"Pizza?" Zack offered. "And breadsticks and soda?"
Sephiroth considered that and nodded in approval. "That sounds good."
Zack beamed. For years he had dreamed of meeting Sephiroth, but just in an idolizing kid's way. To actually know him, be friends with him, would be way better. That had seemed out of reach before. But . . . it wasn't. Maybe, with new understanding on both their parts, they at last had the real beginning of something beautiful.
Sephiroth propped himself up on one hand as he lay stretched out on his bed. The empty pizza box was on the nightstand, to be thrown out later, as well as the foam cups from the soda. Most importantly, Zack was laying asleep on top of the covers next to him, happy and peaceful. And although he hadn't fallen asleep this way, now he had one arm around Sephiroth in a hug.
What a strange situation.
It was nice, though.
Sephiroth really hadn't thought Zack liked him at all. Their start had been rocky and of course Zack hadn't wanted to think Angeal had betrayed them. Sephiroth had tried his best to reach out to Zack and show kindness and concern, but he had always felt that Zack hadn't wanted to let him in. But that could have been mutual; it hadn't helped either, he supposed, when he had come across as aloof at times if Zack had asked things he wasn't comfortable answering, such as about the privileges of being a SOLDIER First Class. Their personalities didn't mesh well and Sephiroth knew he was off-putting. Most people didn't like the real him, only the image of him that Shinra put out. And, not wanting to interfere or force his way in where he wasn't wanted, he had outright closed himself off again.
Zack's words before he had left on this mission had hurt. And they had confused him. At first he had thought they were further proof Zack didn't like him. Then he had thought Zack was hurting and speaking as he had because he had wanted Sephiroth around since he was a connection with Angeal. Now . . . now it seemed that Zack truly did care about him.
Was that possible? Did he finally have a real friend again?
"Seph," Zack mumbled in his sleep, snuggling closer.
Seph?!
Well, the boy was asleep. And he probably wouldn't even remember this when he woke up.
Sephiroth laid back into the pillows, bringing an arm around Zack in turn. This was quite possibly the strangest situation he had tried to go to sleep in outside of some of his missions. But . . . it was fine. It was . . . nice.
He smiled a bit as he started to doze.