Chapter 4: Auditions Part 3

Chris woke up the next day. However, it was different. Everyone woke up at exactly 08:45, which surprised him. "Well boys, this is the last day to look at auditions. Let's get to work."

The auditions they accepted so far:

Gwen Evans

Ezekiel Johnson

Princess Clara

Ling-Ling Hitler Bin Laden Seacrest (yes this is his canon name)

Zoey Brooks

Heather Yamamoto

Zee Rivers

Xandir P Wifflebottom

Justin Kāne

Caleb Valentine

Scary Girl aka Lauren Halloway

Courtney Reyes

Toot Braunstein was automatically accepted

Duncan Sullivan

Captain Leslie Hero

Foxxy Shaquafa Love

Lindsay Sinclair

Wooldoor Jedediah Sockbat

Dawn Moon

Bridgette Ryan

Jasmine Jagara

Sky Reed

Noah Singh

Devon "DJ" Joseph Robinson

Anne Maria Russo

Harold Norbert Cheever Doris McGrady V

Tyler Cooper

They needed to accept 13 more auditions before they got the full cast. After rejecting a few more auditions, they came across an interesting video.

The video was of a 16 year old named B Quinn who appears to be quite intelligent. He has a robot who's doing all this stuff for him, most likely because he finds these tasks to be tedious. He's a big guy (for you), but he seems to be a gentle giant. He has the robot put his orange hat on, brush his teeth, do a lot of things for him. Once he is about to speak, the battery dies and the video ends.

"I wonder what he was going to say." The Jew Producer ponders for a moment. "His real name is Beverly, but no wonder the dude wants to be called B." Chris says, then continues, "I would be embarrassed if that was my real name too. Anyways, I think we should accept his audition. Any objections.?" The Jew Producer and Chef shake their heads, and they move onto the next audition.

The next audition made The Jew Producer visibly uncomfortable. Chris and Chef looked at The Jew Producer very concerned.

The video was of a 17 year old girl, who was hanging upside down on monkey bars."Izzy my name I. Freaky being enjoy I!" She gets up from the monkey bars, does a flip, and lands on her feet. "haha! Woo! Okay! Okay, here's what I can do." the camera then zooms in. "I can roll my eyes all the way back in my head" she demonstrates, then says "Okay. I can also double joint both of my elbows. Okay, catch an eyeful of this!" she demonstrates it, then laughs and continues. "I can wrap my tongue around my head like a turban". She tries, then the camera falls. She picks the camera back up, smiles and says "Let me be on Total Drama Island! Boring will never be it!" a voice from outside then says "Izzy!" she screams "WHAT MOM!" The first video ends.

"Oh god there's a second video of her!?" The Jew Producer groans. He knows Izzy Ryder due to the fact that she stalked his house and harassed his family to be on Total Drama Island. He really hopes that she isn't accepted onto the show.

flashback to three months ago: Izzy was camping out at The Jew Producer's house, hoping to see an appearance of him. She walked up to what looked like his wife and son, and asked: "Does The Jew Producer live here? I've been camping out here for three days, hoping to ask to be on Total Drama." His son looks scared, and finally, The Jew Producer walks out and says "Stay off of this property! Don't come back, or else I'll file a restraining order against you! You've been bugging my wife and son for three days in a row! If you wanna be on Total Drama, audition on the website like what normal people do!"

"Oh yeah… I forgot that happened to you man. You'd think she'd stalk my house instead of yours, considering you live in New Jersey." Chris replies. "How did she know your address in the first place?" "I have no idea honestly, she might be one of those gangstalkers or something." The Jew Producer replies. "Just get this over with. If she even gets accepted, just get her far away from me!"

The second video of hers starts: "Okay there's some things you need to know about me. I'm really loyal, and I'm sooo smart that you have no idea; maybe a genius. But the thing I'm best at is that I'M AWESOME AT TWIRLING FIRE BATONS!" She demonstates: "Okay ready? Okay!" She throws it in the air, and the sprinklers go off. She laughs "oops. Should NOT do that indoors." video ends

"As much as I'm apprehensive about her, at least she's funny." The Jew Producer replies, then continues: "If you end up accepting her, just make sure she's far away from me." Chef says: "I don't know about Chris, but he's the deciding factor. I'll make sure to keep an eye on her and make sure she doesn't come close to you." he replies. Chris says "I'll accept her, but I do trust Chef to make sure she stays away from you. Next audition here we come!"

The next audition tape was of Rudolph "Lightning" Jackson. The video is of him playing as a basketball quarterback, with very impressive passes and runs. The next part of the video is his best plays as a point guard. The last part of his video is showcasing his best skills as a pitcher. Before the video ends there's Lightning, standing in front of the camera "Hi, I'm Lightning. Of course, if you're the recruiters, you already know this. However, if you're Total Drama, you're going to sha-love me! I have sha-pitching skills, sha-passing skills and will be one of the best players of this competition. Sha Lightning out!"

"Must be going on his senior year. Pretty impressive plays he has." Chef remarks. Chris replies "I think we should accept this audition. Moving on"

video stars: clips of her meditating, "So, a little about me" switches over to her talking to the camera "I think this show" switches to her in a pool "Is such an amazing platform to share my personal" switches back to her meditating "life and positive energy around the world" switches to her in a makeup room "I'm an influencer" switches to her in a runway "I'm a brand ambassador" switches to her in a selfie pov on the beach "And a proud citizen of mother earth. I can't wait to embark my Total Drama journey of self discovery. Live in the sunshine, swim in the sea, and drink the wild air. Crystals are real. Prayer hands emoji" the last sentence of her video has her back in the meditating spot, and does a prayer like stance. The video ends.

"So Julia Martins is one of those from the future I assume?" The Jew Producer asks. "Because I have no idea what an emoji or an influencer even is." Chris replies "Yeah, there's at least several of those DaLoreans around. Toot's not the only one with one of those. She did come from two thousand twenty two (2022) I think. She said she prefers everything before two thousand and twelve. (2012) Something about idpol and it being after occupy wall street, but to be honest, I didn't really listen to it." He laughs after that. "I was going to accept her anyways."

The next video is of Trent Smith. He's singing a song about being a man, wanting to find a woman, then the video ends with his guitar string getting broken. He says "aw crap" and the video ends.

"Interesting. Accepted" Chris says "Next video!"

The next video is of a 16 year old laying on the beach, relaxed, with his hat in his eyes. He then flips his hat up and says "Just a typical weeknight with me and my buds. Just a couple hundred of us. A band, sixty of seventy party pizzas." He high fives somebody and shouts "WOOO!" He continues "See? Life is over like that snaps, man!""If you don't have a party every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday Sunday, you're gonna regret it!" he then says "Peace! Chill out! Party!" "It's all good my friends!" He then goes back and puts his hat in his face, and the video ends.

"Geoff Mitchell, you're accepted! Next video!" Chris says, and they move on.

Next video is of 16 year old Owen Ferguson. "Hi, I'm Owen Ferguson and I'm auditioning to Total Drama. I came because I'm stoked! WOOOO! Wanna hear me toot Beethoven's Symphony 5?" toots the 5th Symphony of Beethoven "WOOOO!" Video ends.

"What the fuck was that?" The Jew Producer asks exasperated. "I dunno, but he's a better pick than Chris-chan." Chris replies nonchalantly. "Might as well pick somebody as random as him." Chef adds.

Next video is of Leshawna Avery. "Hey y'all Leshawna in the house! Big girl and bootylicious. I give a shout out to my TDI crew. If you wanna sista who's large and in charge, give a holla back! Because I'm all that and a bag of chips." holds phone looks around and squints "Well? Whatcha waiting for fools? I ain't got all day!" video ends.

"Her and Foxxy would get along well." Chris replies. "Why cause they're black?" Chef asks, irritated. "What? No! They just have similar vibes what the hell Chef. I may be a complete wanker, but I'm not racist" Chris says defensively. "I know man, I'm just playing with you." Chef laughs.

Next video is of Shawn Harris. The video stars "Hey guys Shawn here. There's zombies everywhere! I'm preparing shelter for the zombie outbreak. I'm waiting to protect anyone and everyone. I have the survival skills to be on Total Drama Island. Pick me, and I'll promise you that I'll ace almost every challenge. Gotta go! I think I hear one trying to break in!" video ends.

"Schizophrenia or Paranoid Personality Disorder, you gotta admit that this kid would be a fine addition to Total Drama." notes Chef. They all nod in agreement. They move on.

"Oh by the way Chef, Alejandro Buerromeurto bribed The Jew Producer and I, so I'm not bothering to watch his audition tape." Chef shakes his head in disapproval.

None of the hosts bother playing the video of Brick Jackson. Even though the audition says he's 16, he seems to be very interested in getting recruited for the Canadian military. That alone gets a seal of approval from Chef Hatchet himself.

In a weird turn of events, the next person who auditioned they didn't bother playing the video. The fact that Bowie David shares the same name, except his first and last are switched from David Bowie, gets accepted automatically.

"That was weird." Chef notes. "At least we get to see one last video."

Indeed they do. The next video is of Jo Remy. She demonstrates her playing Roller Derby, Softball, and Lacrosse. Interestingly enough, this isn't her upcoming senior year. She chose these clips of her playing because she wanted to demonstrate her skills for Total Drama Island. This alone gets her accepted.

Now that they're all finished, they go to The Jew Producers trailer and end up playing poker. The Jew Producer and Chris share a blunt while Chef opens up a beer and smokes a Cuban Cigar. After all, they earned it after looking at loads of videos for the past few days.