To say I have spent this Sunday in utter shock would be an understatement. We all knew it would be coming eventually, but were still hopeful it would not be this soon. I debated over whether to post this chapter today or to wait; for Captain Shannen of our otp, I decided to post.
Due to a difficult situation with an ex-roommate, I had quite the financial struggle last year that I have been recovering from this year. Despite this, when the opportunity arose to take the train up to New Haven and meet Shannen (along with Jason and Ian) at the Hartford 90s Con in March of last year, I took it under the belief that it may be my only chance to do so. I did have a ticket to meet her again in Toronto next month, so I'm quite glad I took the opportunity last year when I had it, and will likely treasure the memory of hearing from her "Nice hat" for the rest of my life (unfortunately, didn't get to say much to her due to the speed of the photo op with the twins and her constantly closing queue [which Jason had, as well,] but I did give her a card detailling the impact she had made.)
Shan, you're back in your beloved Daddy's arms, and Luke is surely there with you, exchanging stories. You may be gone, but you shall never be forgotten.
x Death leaves a heartache no one can heal; Love leaves a memory no one can steal. - Irish Blessing x
I am but waiting for you.
For an interval.
Somewhere. Very near.
Just around the corner.
All is well.
Nothing is past; nothing is lost. One brief moment and all will be as it was before only better, infinitely happier and forever we will all be one together with Christ. - Henry Scott Holland
xx
Upon return to their bookshop, he had intended to ask her to dinner.
She hadn't been in.
He had stood, browsing the shelves for hour upon hour, waiting for her to come in.
It had continued like that for near upon a month before his timing had been impeccable.
He had told a small fib, permitting her to believe his return to the bookshop had coincided with her decision to visit that day.
He had been to their old flat, he said.
"You weren't there."
She hadn't replied.
She had left with her boyfriend, the one he couldn't hate no matter how forcibly he had attempted.
She had taken near upon a week to look at him with anything other than disdain, to answer his unspoken question.
She had moved, she said.
"I've not been in town," she had added. "Touring. I'm meant to tour in Australia next month."
"Always wanted to visit Aus," he had said.
"This is not an invitation," she had said. "If you want to visit Australia, find your own way there."
"I assume you heard of the breakup."
"What do you want, a congratulatory trophy?" she had asked. "Congrats on still not being able to make it work with Kelly Taylor, Dylan. Is that why you're back here? You and Kel didn't work out, so you've bounced back over the pond to me?"
"I know you're angry," said Dylan. "You have every right to be."
"Is it true you told Kelly that you never connected with either myself or Brandon?" Brenda had asked. "I suppose you never connected with London, either, so what exactly did you think you would accomplish by returning? Neither London nor I missed you and we'd both be quite happy if you went back to where you came from."
Dylan hadn't bothered to ask where Brenda had heard that, settling on the assumption that his statement to Kelly had made the rounds through the gang and somehow found its way to the twins.
Brandon, then, Dylan had decided. Brenda must have heard it from Brandon.
"Half-true," said Dylan. "I never said I didn't connect with you two…by name, that is. But I did – I did…"
"But you did say you only connected with two things in this life, one of those being Toni and the other being Kelly," Brenda had mocked. "And now I'm supposed to, what, be your friend? Your mate? How can I be either, when I had rather hoped I would never see you again?"
"I'm guessing telling you I was drinking when I said that, I realize now how dickish a comment it was to make, and I'm eternally sorry won't make a difference?"
"Not unless you want me to remind you of how your addiction ended us last time."
"Let me take you to dinner. We can talk about this and maybe, someday, I can make restitution."
"I have a boyfriend. One I'm quite happy with, as a matter of fact."
"Unless your boyfriend," Dylan had unnecessarily punched out the title, "has a problem with you dining out with your friends," a second punch, "then there's no reason your boyfriend should see issue with us, two old friends, having a simple dinner."
"Nothing is ever simple with you," Brenda had said. "We've not been friends for two years, Dylan, and we aren't going to be. I'm not going to dinner with you. I know exactly what you're doing and I'm not giving in."
It had taken a bit longer than he would have liked but he had, indeed, gotten her to dinner.
Gotten her back as his friend, after she had found it in her to forgive him for every lie he had told about her.
Gotten her back as far more.
What had begun as an inspiration from the past relationship of their adolescence had become a constant between them.
Any time they had fought, Dylan would ask Brenda to dinner, at a specific restaurant with more specific cuisine.
The cuisine wasn't the important part.
The music was.
They hadn't fought often; when they had, it had been something as small as disagreeing on the design of Callie's nursery.
Regardless of how big the argument, they would show up at the restaurant, listen to one number, and leave the restaurant having agreed that the argument could be cast aside.
Most of the time, makeup sex had followed.
Dylan had been working on getting Brenda to dinner since the news of the twins.
Unsuccessfully.
He had almost succeeded, had Brenda not been shaken by her theory that LL had sent Dimitri's email.
He had brought Brenda home, wherein she had retreated to her bedroom and refused to come out until the girls had also returned home.
She had only remained awake long enough to ensure they were in bed before telling Dylan goodnight.
He had secured a consistent invitation to set, even if he had upset Brenda by using his concern over the safety of her and the twins to do it.
It had been a genuine concern, though Dylan would be lying if he claimed there hadn't been slight manipulation on his part.
"Dad?"
Dylan drew back from where he stood, watching Brenda sleep through the crack in her door.
He wanted to use every fiber of his being to protect her, but how could he protect her from the unknown?
"Yes, baby," said Dylan.
Adrianna and Calista exchanged a look between them, both of them urging the other to speak.
"We just wondered if –" Adrianna began.
"- if you being here every night means you and Mummy are fixing your marriage," Callie finished.
"Are you living with Mum again?" asked Adrianna. "Permanently?"
Dylan seated himself on the sofa that had been his makeshift bed.
"Is that what you girls would want?" he asked. "Mummy and I living together again?"
"I like you being here when I wake up, Daddy," said Callie. "That's how it always was before."
"Girls, I promise you I am doing everything I can to convince your mum to live with me again on a permanent basis," said Dylan.
"Is there anything we can do to help you?" asked Adrianna, as Callie gave her rare agreement with her sister.
"We don't want the babies to wake up and you not be here," said Callie.
"I don't want that, either," said Dylan. "But I also don't want either of you to try to manipulate Mum to be with me. If – when – your Mum lets me back in, it's got to be genuine."
"Persuasion isn't manipulation, is it?" asked Adrianna. "Can we persuade Mum to do something?"
"I've been trying to get her to dinner," said Dylan. "It's this thing your mum and I do. Whenever we've argued in the past, we go out for Mexican."
"Why Mexican?" asked Callie. "I don't like Mexican food. It's too spicy."
"You need a more cultured palette," said Adrianna.
"Mariachi," Dylan smoothly said, at the precise moment he knew would prevent his daughters from arguing and potentially waking Brenda. "Anytime your mum and I have been mad at each other, we start out listening to mariachi. Then we dance to it and by the time our legs need a break from dancing, we're no longer mad at each other. Except," his lips pursed into a deep-set frown, "this is one argument I think even a mariachi band can't fix, especially when Mum's refusing to let me take her to dinner."
"I've an idea," said Adrianna. "Can you give me time to work on it?"
"I'll take all the ideas I can get," said Dylan.
"Don't worry, Daddy," said Adrianna. "We're going to help you fix things with Mum. Somehow."
"Yeah," said Callie, "because Ade said if you divorce, then I can't live with you and Mummy. I want to live with both of you. I just don't want to live with Ade."
"I don't want to live with you, either," said Adrianna.
"Alright you two, no fighting," said Dylan. "C'mon, I'll drive you to school."
"I thought Mum was driving us today," said Adrianna.
"I convinced Bren to let me take you," said Dylan. "Your mum's had a rough time of it lately and I think some extra sleep could do her a world of good."
"Because of the babies?" asked Callie.
"Loads of reasons," said Dylan, "but I'm sure carting your siblings around does require a lot of Bren's energy."
"I never drained Mummy's energy," said Callie.
"Please, you were constantly draining Mum's energy," said Adrianna.
"I bet you drained Mummy's energy," said Callie.
"I thought you two weren't going to row?" Dylan asked Adrianna.
"When Mum's awake," said Adrianna. "She isn't awake."
"Then, for my sake," said Dylan, "the sake of the first man who held you both, who loves you more than anyone ever will apart from your mum, please don't row."
"Why are you frequently telling us you love us?" asked Callie.
"Because Grandpa Jack rarely told Dad he loved him," said Adrianna. "Isn't that right, Daddy?"
Instead of answering, Dylan told his daughters to finish preparing for school.
As his girls gathered their materials, Dylan rang the home of the Walshes.
"Dylan?" asked Kelly. "Is everything okay?"
"I'm bringing the girls to school," said Dylan. "Checking to see who's next on the Bren watch."
"I am," said Kelly. "I do have work in the afternoon, however, and if I didn't have an important meeting today, I might have been able to get out of it, but..."
"I'll be back long before then," said Dylan.
"Bren's going to be super pissed when she realizes why one of us has made a point of hanging out with her every day," said Kelly.
"I don't care," said Dylan. "I don't trust leaving Bren alone right now and none of the rest of you do, either. Isn't that why you've agreed to watch her?"
"Dylan, if Bren hadn't dropped in and found me on the floor the night of Sammy's birth, there is a strong possibility that he might not be here. I would do literally anything for your wife. Anything."
"She found me on the floor, too," said Dylan. "A few times, and I'm not just speaking metaphorically. That husband of yours is taking an awfully long time to get hold of more information."
"Please don't rub it in his face. Brandon's getting more and more frustrated with every day that passes."
"Him and I both," said Dylan. "But I have a plan."
"You have a plan?"
"Oh yeah, I have a plan."
The words spoken to him during his slumber had reverberated through his head that entire morning.
The words had come as he had stood, overlooking himself, Brenda, a young Adrianna, and a younger Callie engaged in playtime on their favorite beach in Australia.
The one he and Brenda had gone to during the tour his persuasive skills had permitted him to travel on despite her ample reluctance.
"You and Brenda had talked about moving here, didn't you?" he had been asked.
He had looked over at the woman with the mass of curls and the crinkled, kind eyes.
She hadn't aged a day since he had last seen her.
"You shouldn't be here," he had said. "Bren already thinks I'd leave her for you."
"She doesn't think that," said the figment of Antonia Marchette-McKay, who in life had gone by the nickname of Toni. "She's telling herself anything she can to convince herself why divorcing you is her best option."
"It's not," said Dylan. "The last time," he had scratched at his neck, "the last time you – you came…"
"You were pleading with a God you barely believe in for Brenda and Calista to live," said Toni. "I remember."
"You told me you had been sent to tell me that they would," said Dylan. "Is this," he had fought the stack of stones somehow clogging up his throat even in his dream state, "is this you coming to tell me that Bren – that her and our twins – that they – that they…won't?"
"I haven't been permitted sight of the future this time, I'm afraid," said Toni. "Only the present. I've come to give you a message, Dylan, a very important message."
"I just want you to tell me that Bren and I aren't gonna get divorced," said Dylan, "but I know that isn't something I should ask of you."
"Why not?" asked Toni.
"Because I should apologize," said Dylan. "I should say how sorry I am that I – that I was able to move on. But – but Brenda…"
"Brenda is Brenda," said Toni. "I get it. I wouldn't have wanted you to be miserable, Dylan. I'm happy that you moved on; or rather, moved backward, to your first love."
"I loved you, too, Toni. It was different, much different than what Bren and I have, but it still meant something and it will always mean something."
"I see it," said Toni, "the way you're looking at her, over there on the beach. The way you've always looked at her. You don't have to apologize for that."
"I got you killed."
"My father is responsible for my death. Not you."
"I told you to go on ahead. If I'd taken the hit, instead of you –"
"Then you would've died never knowing a life as Brenda's husband. Never having your children. Never knowing Adrianna, Calista."
"You'd be alive."
"You wouldn't be. There is no winner in this scenario, Dylan. Only a message. Can I tell it to you now, or are we going to continue to argue over which of us should have lived?"
Dylan permitted Toni to give him the message.
The message that made him determined to speak with Gina.
It was never about you, Dylan, said Toni.
Does that mean Gina went after me? he had asked. That I didn't cheat on Brenda?
You're certain you didn't cheat on Brenda, Toni had said. Why are you certain?
Because I love her, he said.
You loved her before, and still cheated on her, said Toni.
He had been fully cognizant of his actions then; every time he had cheated on Brenda with Kelly, when he had cheated on Kelly as soon as he had begun dating her with the owner of Shadowcaster, when he had cheated on Gina with Kelly.
When you were killed, Dylan had said, I never thought I could be whole again. For a bit, with Bren, I was.
You tried to find that again, said Toni, with Kelly.
Except Kel was never going to make me whole, said Dylan, because Kel isn't whole herself, not without Brandon. We both tried to deny that. Kel tried to be whole with me. I refused to accept that the only one who could make me that way was Bren. Bren; she can be whole on her own and has been. I? Can't. Being without her; being without her is like crossing a giant abyss where your only route out is to fall in. I need to know. I need to know I didn't cheat on her. I need to know I didn't trash that, that I didn't cast aside the love I fought to get back for one night in the sack. I need to know I'm not the same man I used to be when I tried so hard to be the best man I could be, for Bren and our kids.
That information, said Toni, had not been shared with her.
Despite the lack of knowledge Toni did have, she had given Dylan a decent hint.
It was never about you.
"Dad."
Dylan pulled himself out of his rumination and brought his gaze up to the overhead mirror.
"Would you be willing to wait in the carpark until after I finish my audition?" asked Adrianna. "I'm quite convinced I'll flub it."
"Your mum always convinced herself of the same," said Dylan. "I'll do you one better, kiddo. I'll go in with you. How does that sound?"
"Can you do that?" asked Adrianna.
"I know the president of the State Board," said Dylan. "She's particularly fond of your uncle Steve."
Dylan wasn't past utilizing his bank account for West Beverly if they didn't allow him in to watch his daughter's audition.
"Mama who bore me / Mama who gave me / No way to handle things / Who made me so sad," Adrianna quietly sang as she waited for her turn.
Dylan asked if that was the song she had chosen for her audition; if so, she had pulled it off quite well.
The lyric, he thought, was rather fitting of his own tenuous relationship with his mother.
"I can't audition with a song from the musical itself," said Adrianna. "I'm just warming up."
"Right," said Dylan. "Of course. I knew that. Should I help you practice your monologue?"
He had done that with Brenda before many of her own auditions.
"I think I'm set," said Adrianna.
"Just nervous?" asked Dylan.
"Extremely," said Adrianna. "I'm not as good as Mum; not nearly as good as Mum."
"You don't have to be as good as your mum," said Dylan. "She's had years and years of practice and once upon a time, was nervous just as much as you are now. Except she let her nerves keep her from going through with the audition and West Bev never knew Bren had talent until we got to CU. Just go out there and show them what you've got and you'll blow them away. Promise."
He shouldn't have made promises like that when he didn't know which decision the drama department would make, but he did know his little girl's talent.
Dylan was confident that Adrianna would get the part she wanted.
He sat in the auditorium, thinking back to the times he had either sat with Brenda in the auditorium, or attempted to catch Brenda's eye in the auditorium.
Even when he shouldn't have, like when he had been with Kelly and his eyes had kept drifting over to Brenda during schoolwide lectures.
He considered how different their lives may have been had he ended things with Kelly before they had begun.
In life, experiments were often necessary to understand the path one wanted their life to take.
Dylan had had his fill of experiments.
He could do what Brenda wanted. He could date. Could return to the playboy scene. Could find another girlfriend, fall in love with someone new, give Brenda the divorce she wanted.
He could, but he'd lived that life.
From the moment Brenda had returned to his arms, he had sworn both to her and to himself that his playboy days were over.
He refused to resume them.
It was never about you.
He focused on his daughter's entrance onto the stage, looking so much like her mother had in her performances at California University.
Adrianna introduced herself.
"I know it's typical to sing a song from a musical," she said, "but I wondered if I might be able to sing a different song?"
"You may begin the song and we will tell you whether you should stop," she was told.
"Come my love," Adrianna sang, "I'll tell you a tale / of a"
Boy and girl and their love story, Dylan's head joined in on the song.
And how he loved her, oh, so much / And all the charms she did possess / Now this did happen once upon a time / When things were not so complex / How he worshipped the ground she walked / And when he looked in her eyes, he became obsessed.
It had been their go-to movie whenever one of them had been sick.
Adrianna had watched it with her babysitter the night Callie had been in hospital.
It was one of his and Brenda's favorites, the one they had been watching when she had told him she was ready to be with him again.
Attempting to will away his impending tears, Dylan clenched at his seat.
Adrianna's chosen monologue didn't help, either.
"'Living in New York; alone, for a change. But the big question is, who am I these days? That's the toughie. I keep thinking about that strange old world we grew up in. How'd it manage to produce both you and me? A stalwart, upright servant of the people and a boozed-out, cynical, lascivious old broad. The best and the worst. That's us.'"
Dylan had to work especially hard to keep his emotions in check when Adrianna came up to him after her audition.
"How'd I do, Daddy?" she asked.
"You were terrific, kiddo," he said. "You made your mum and I very proud up there. And I got your message, Ade."
"My message?" asked Adrianna.
"Yes," said Dylan, "your message. Couldn't have been more clear."
"Don't know what you're on about," said Adrianna. "I've got to get on to class now."
Adrianna had inherited Brenda's lack of subtlety.
Dylan returned to the bungalow, arriving in time for Kelly to get to her meeting.
"She's in the back," said Kelly.
"Thanks for doing this, Kel," said Dylan.
"We're family," said Kelly. "Family looks out for each other."
"And I'm looking out for mine," said Dylan.
He didn't expect to see what awaited him in the backyard.
Adorned in a two-piece swimsuit and a sheer cover-up that barely covered up anything, Brenda had laid out on a lawn chair by the pool.
She glanced up from her novel as he approached.
"I thought you'd gone for the day," she said.
"Told you I'd leave when you're out," he said. "You aren't out today, so I'm here."
"Yesterday, I was out, and you stayed on set the entire time."
"I told you; one of your scriptwriters is a fan. He asked if I'd look over one of the scenes and provide input."
"You don't have that excuse today and I'll be out soon enough," said Brenda. "I baked some things for Sammy. I'm dropping them by before I head up to Mum's and Dad's."
"Before we head up to Jim and Cin's," Dylan corrected. "You think I'd let you do that alone?"
"I'd really rather not have you stand there as Dad tells you he was always right about you," said Brenda.
"I can handle Jimbo," said Dylan. Scooting over a second lawn chair to be directly beside Brenda, he leant across their chairs to settle his arm over her enlarged abdomen.
Not yet five months along and Brenda had developed a prominent belly larger than it had been in most of her pregnancy with Adrianna.
"I'm getting so big already," she said, looking down at his arm. "How can the twins possibly expand more than this? I'm halfway to being as big as I was with Callie!"
"Just means you and our twins are healthy, and that's all that matters to me," said Dylan.
"Donna said David went with Gina to her appointment," said Brenda.
"Did he?" asked Dylan. "That was nice of him."
"That's something you should be doing."
"Adrianna excelled in her audition," said Dylan.
"So she chose a monologue," said Brenda. "Good. She must've gone through hundreds of my plays to pick one out."
"She picked a good one. Melissa questioning who she is."
"The first play the girls saw me in."
"The first play we saw together," said Dylan. "I knew then, you know; watching the way Andy and Melissa held you captivated in their grasps. I knew you'd become an actress."
"I was going to audition for the spring play senior year, but…" Brenda drifted off.
"But had you done that, you might not have been in Roy's play," said Dylan. "Might not have been given the opportunity at RADA you were given."
"Roy." Brenda snapped her fingers. "That's it! I have to ring Roy. Or talk to Steve. Maybe both."
Dylan asked for explanation.
"Steve's ex," said Brenda, "the crazy one. Oh fuck, what was her name?"
"Depends," said Dylan. "There's the one where Sanders got mad at you because you told him she was using him. There's that one who juggled Sanders and Silver. There's the one who –"
"The one I went up against for Maggie," said Brenda. "Who asked Steve to hurt me. Who was that?"
"Never met the girl," said Dylan. "She's lucky I didn't, because if she had hurt you…"
"Roy might know. You'd think I'd remember the name of someone who hurt me that much, but I've met hundreds of millions of people and I cannot, for the life of me, think of her name."
"Maybe because we've called her Steve's crazy ex for so long?"
Perhaps, because Steve couldn't think of the name, either.
"Sorry, Bren," he said. "I think of CU and all that comes to mind is Clare and Celeste; oh, and that time I tried to date Val. I mean, I know I was with that crazy chick who wanted us to go all Tonya Harding on you, but…"
"You're just as bad as Dylan," said Brenda. "Who's that girl you dated the summer we were apart?" she asked Dylan. "I don't mean Kelly."
"Sanders is the one who can't remember the name of his ex and somehow, I get in trouble for it?" asked Dylan.
Though delighted to hear from them both, the call to Roy Randolph also proved fruitless.
"I'm sorry, darling," he told Brenda. "Do you know how many actresses I've cast in my career? Only a few stand out, you chief amongst them."
"That's my issue, too," said Brenda. "I've met too many people."
"That's my wife you're flirting with," said Dylan.
"Commenting on the star power your wife exhibits is hardly flirtation," said Roy, "particularly when my lover awaits me in this Zagreb suite. Oh, Mrs. McKay, leave that dreadful Los Angeles behind and come join us in Zagreb. I'm even willing to entertain Mr. McKay."
"Alright, that's quite enough of that," said Dylan.
He had long become accustomed to Roy's lascivious personality, far worse than Dylan's own playboy days. They had developed a camaraderie, one focused entirely on their shared love for Brenda.
Despite his mostly platonic love for Brenda, Dylan was well aware that Roy would toss over any of his romantic partners if Brenda would take a romantic interest in him.
"Maybe I'm grasping at straws," said Brenda when the call had ended. "You said yourself she didn't know you. Why would she enlist Gina to target you? And how can I be sure that Gina did target you? And what the fuck is her fucking name?"
It was never about you, Toni's words echoed again.
"Adrianna made an excellent Melissa," said Dylan, thinking a return to their earlier discussion would be better than Brenda kicking herself about a momentary failure of her normally photographic memory.
"I still think the girls were a bit young to see me play a character like Melissa," said Brenda. "Though I suppose it is better than seeing me as Maggie."
"Then we'll wait a bit to take the twins to see it," said Dylan. "How many times did you text Debbie this morning to double-check the production schedule?"
"Only twice. And I only rang Dimitri about it once."
"Those weren't all in the morning, I take it."
"I might've checked one more time before you drove up."
Dylan wondered if Brenda had intentionally brought her hand to meet his on her stomach, or if it had been an action of her subconscious.
"I feel like I'm going crazy, Dylan," she said. "Checking three times to ensure the production schedule truly didn't have me on set today. Maybe that's what LL's goal is: to make me paranoid. Maybe it's working."
"You aren't going crazy," said Dylan. "You're just needing a little assurance right now, which is understandable after the email shit. Are you going to wear that to your parents'?"
"I should," said Brenda. "Imagine Dad's face if I show up, belly bared."
"Oh, I'm imagining it," said Dylan. A smirk stretched across his face.
"Erica rang earlier," said Brenda. "She's back in town. So's Iris."
"Let's invite them up," said Dylan. "Iris will make a good backup."
He had often enjoyed the drive to the elderly Walsh residence, if not the visits themselves.
In their initial move from Hong Kong, Jim and Cindy Walsh had bought a house in the Minnesota neighborhood that had once been their home.
Their renewed life in Minnesota had only lasted until Cindy's father, Bill Beevis, had been advised by his doctors to move to a state with warmer weather.
The Walshes had chosen California, placing Bill and Arlene Beevis into a lovely retirement community in San Diego.
Neither inclined to live in San Diego nor to resume their old life in Beverly Hills, Jim and Cindy had chosen instead to live near to their son and his wife, nearly an hour away had traffic not made the drive longer.
The coastal view was always worth the drive, as were the San Gabriel Mountains that could be seen from the Walsh's backyard.
"Stop fidgeting," Dylan told Brenda. "You look great."
"I'm a grown-ass woman with children of my own," said Brenda. "Why does he always turn me into such an anxious mess when we come to Arcadia?"
"That's who your dad is," said Dylan. "You could've asked Brandon to come along."
"He offered," said Brenda. "I thought that would be too cowardly. It isn't the first time I've told Dad I'm pregnant."
"It is the first time we haven't told him over the phone," said Dylan.
"We tried to tell him in-person with Ade."
"And he got sick and couldn't fly out with Cindy. I remember."
As if on instinct, Dylan stepped in front of Brenda when the door opened.
"I thought my daughter had finally come to her senses and kicked you to the curb," Jim greeted him.
"Great to see you too, Jim," said Dylan.
"Didn't you say you would be civil?" asked Brenda.
"I said I would be civil around my grandchildren," said Jim. "Unless my eyes are mistaken, I do not see them about."
"Be nice," said Cindy, who, in contrast to Jim, still had her full head of hair. "He's the father of our granddaughters, and I happen to love him as if he were our own."
"He's cheated on our daughter with three different people," said Jim, "one of whom, I hear, is pregnant."
"Dylan says she's lying," said Brenda.
"It would take a liar to know a liar," said Jim. "The McKay branch you insisted on marrying into is full of them. Like father, like –"
"Won't you both come in?" Cindy interrupted.
Brenda, Dylan told himself. He was there for Brenda.
Jimbo's just being protective of his daughter. He thinks I hurt her again, so his claws are coming out. I'd do the same if it was Ade.
Years of working to get on Jim's good side, only for Gina Kincaid to trash it all.
"Iris and Erica plan to pop in," said Dylan.
"Oh, it will be so lovely to see them," said Cindy. "Brenda, dear," she said, "it's a bit dry for a raincoat, don't you think?"
"Habit from living in London so long," said Brenda.
More accurately, when Brenda had put on her hoodie, the zipper had torn.
Dylan had not been disappointed to see the end of that blasted hoodie – temporarily, Brenda had said, as she planned to get the zipper repaired.
"I would like to know," said Jim, "how you could think that being in another country from your wife and two daughters would give you free reign in the bedroom department?"
"You should be ecstatic," said Dylan. "You never wanted me with Bren, anyway."
"Yes, and it would have been better if I had stuck to that belief," said Jim.
"Dad, can we not talk about this?" asked Brenda.
"Jim, please," said Cindy.
"Cindy, I am aghast that you could allow him into our home," said Jim. "Brenda, I am extremely disappointed that you are still with this individual. Further disappointed with myself that once I had truly thought Dylan had grown into a responsible husband and father, he went and pulled a stunt like this."
"James Walsh, I do hope you are not denigrating my son," trilled the voice from the open window.
Cindy let in a pair of redheads; who, had one not known their lack of relation to each other, would have appeared to resemble a mother and daughter.
Standing beside Brenda, Erica McKay offered out her arm. Brenda gladly took it.
"Iris, are you aware of what your son has done to my daughter?" asked Jim.
"I am aware of what it has been said my son did to your daughter," said Iris. "Unless you can provide me with concrete evidence that Dylan did in fact adulter himself with this Gina person, then I choose to believe in my son's innocence."
"The proof is in Gina Kincaid's enlarging abdomen," said Jim.
"Gina Kincaid would not be the first woman to falsely claim a pregnancy with a McKay man," said Iris. "Of Jack, I would have believed it. Dylan, on the other hand…"
"Is notorious for cheating," said Jim. "Must I remind you of his past actions toward my daughter?"
"Must I remind you of the time Brenda temporarily snipped you out of her life after she learnt of the threat you made toward my son?" said Iris.
"I did what I felt was necessary at the time," said Jim.
"It was not necessary," said Brenda. "Threatening Dylan? Dad, that was completely unnecessary. You're lucky I ever spoke to you again, let alone that Dylan did."
"This isn't why Bren and I are here," said Dylan, not wanting to get into old hurts.
"Oh, please don't say you're getting divorced," said Erica.
"Finally," said Dylan, "someone besides Silver who doesn't want Bren to divorce me."
"Make that two people," said Iris.
Cindy added herself as a third.
"I am not discussing whether Dylan and I are getting divorced," said Brenda. "That's between us and neither of us require input from our families on our decision. We did, however, feel it necessary to inform you of latest events, rather than for Mum or Erica to read it in their magazines."
Brenda took off her raincoat, leaving the entire room speechless.
Jim was the first to procure his voice.
"There goes your chance to file for divorce," he said.
"Nowhere in divorce law does it say I cannot file for divorce with infants," said Brenda.
"Brenda, it is entirely irresponsible for you to consider divorcing your husband when you are to birth another of his children," said Jim. "Your mother and I – Cindy entertained a brief dalliance, which we were able to work past –"
"Hang on." Dylan held up a hand. "First, Bren's irresponsible for not divorcing me, and now she's irresponsible for divorcing me? I can't believe I'm actually sitting here defending Brenda's asinine idea of a divorce, but which is it, Jim? Should she divorce me? Should she not? Or do you just like belittling your daughter like this? Making her think that any decision she makes is the wrong one?"
"I'd like to go home," Brenda told Dylan.
"I'll take you home," said Dylan.
"Jim," said Cindy, "apologize to our daughter. Now."
"I will not," said Jim. "Brenda has gotten herself pregnant by this man again and she must deal with the consequences of that."
"Why the fuck do you always have to talk to her like she's a fucking teenager, like we aren't raising a teenager of our own?" asked Dylan. "Did you ever consider, Jimbo, that maybe part of the reason Bren decided to move back here was to let you be around the girls more? Don't make her regret that decision, because I sure as hell already do. Babes, we're outta here. Get your stuff."
Cindy hastened to follow them to the door.
"Your father – he was just taken by surprise," she said, "we both were –"
"Mum," said Brenda, "you've spent my whole life defending Dad's words and actions. You'll understand if Dylan and I choose to not allow him into our lives. In fact, if it weren't for you, we wouldn't permit our girls around him at all."
"He does love them," said Cindy. "He used to be different. He was," she insisted. "When I married him, he was extremely different."
"Since Dylan and I began dating and even throughout our marriage," said Brenda, "Dad has been picky and choosy about when he's been nice to Dylan."
"You were seventeen, in a relationship far too heavy for the both of you –"
If that had been Jim's primary reason for disciplining his daughter, said Dylan, then Jim wouldn't have asked him to become involved in getting Brenda to call off her engagement with Stuart Carson.
He was perturbed that he had to bring Stuart up to make a point Cindy had never been able to see.
"I am well-aware that Dad required you and uncle Simon to convince him to walk me down the aisle," said Brenda. "Don't ask me how I know, just be aware that I do. I will not have any of my kids caught up in this ongoing war Dad is stoking the flames of again. If you would like to be part of our twins' lives, then Dad either has to change or Mum, it's time for you to leave him."
Cindy raised her fingers to her mouth.
"Did you say twins?" she asked.
"That was the rest of it," said Brenda. "Dad was so caught up in his lecture, he didn't notice I said infants."
"Brenda!" Cindy called to her daughter's backside.
Cindy set hopeful eyes on Dylan.
"Cin, you know how much love and respect I have for you," said Dylan, "but if you think I'm changing my wife's mind on this one, you're wrong."
"He doesn't know how to act with her," said Cindy. "He never has."
"If that's the excuse you're going with, it got old last century," said Dylan.
Iris held Brenda as she cried.
Erica stopped Dylan's fist from crashing into the door of his truck.
"I just want him to respect me," said Brenda. "For once, I want Dad to respect one of my decisions."
"James Walsh is a curmudgeon," said Iris.
"I thought, I thought if we moved back to California, if Dad could see the girls more, then maybe," Brenda wiped at her eyes, "maybe…he's…he's always proud of Brandon. Always. All the awards I've won, they've never meant as much to Dad as his son's Pulitzer. And Mum; Mum lets him walk all over her. Why can't Mum be more like you?" she asked Iris. "Why has it always been so hard for Mum to stand up to him? Why is it that no matter what I do, I can never make Dad proud like Brandon?"
"There is plenty about me you wouldn't have wanted as a mother," said Iris, trying to soothe Brenda.
"I love my brother," she said. "I don't want Dad to not be proud of him. I just wish there was space in Dad's heart to be proud of both of us."
Dylan was tempted to turn the truck around and throw a fist in Jim's face he had wanted to throw at the man for decades.
He may have, in another time, when he would have been compelled to do so with a drink in hand.
"So," Erica pulled Dylan away, "twins."
"Yeah," said Dylan, "twins."
"Twins, plus divorce?" asked Erica.
"Bren's talked about it," said Dylan. "She's convinced it's the best thing for us. I'm doing my damnedest to make sure it doesn't happen."
"Did you really cheat on her?" asked Erica. "Because if you did, I'll have to shove you in a ravine."
"No, I did not fucking cheat on her," said Dylan.
"Then I'll have to shove this Gina chick in a ravine," said Erica.
"How was Myanmar?"
"Fantastic. It would've been more fantastic if it hadn't been cut short by Iris telling me what my big brother should've."
"Didn't want to ruin your trip."
"FYI, bro, next time my niece leaves her dance early because some guy slipped her drugs, that's a reason to ruin my trip."
"There won't be a fucking next time," said Dylan.
He brought Brenda to Brandon's.
"How'd it go?" asked Brandon.
"I don't want to talk about it," said Brenda. "Good news for you, though. You're still Dad's favorite."
"That bad?" Brandon asked Dylan.
"Worse," said Dylan.
"Hope the girls had a better afternoon than we did," said Brenda.
Dylan would have gone into Casa Walsh, to Brenda and their girls, if he hadn't made a prior commitment.
"Thought you weren't gonna show," said Valerie.
"Just came back from Casa Walsh Nuevo," said Dylan.
"Where Jim was pleased as punch?" asked Val.
"Where I wanted to throw a punch at Jim," said Dylan.
"I felt the same," said Val, "when he told me I had made a mistake agreeing to get pregnant."
"Some things don't change. He told Bren the same. Except Bren's mistake is that getting pregnant means she can't divorce me and it's irresponsible of her to consider it."
"Shouldn't you like Jim giving Bren a reason to not divorce you?"
"You'd think." Dylan didn't want to talk about Jim Walsh anymore. He turned the conversation to the reason for his arrival at Valerie's office. "You sure she'll be here?"
"I told her I had to give her a mandatory evaluation," said Val. "She'll be here."
Dylan asked where he should hide.
"No need to hide," said Val. "Steve still had Kai's old nanny cam around. Can't record any footage on account of it being illegal, but you should be able to sit in the truck and still hear anything she says."
Dylan almost fell asleep in the truck with how long it took Gina to walk into the office.
He half-listened to Gina and Valerie discuss the inner workings of the company, events Gina was planning, and the people she had spoken to for those events.
"I'm still confused why you offered me the job," said Gina. "After our encounter at the mall, I was certain you hated me."
"I had to put on a show," said Val. "Bren's my best friend and she can't know how I really feel."
"How do you really feel?" asked Gina.
"You aren't the only one Dylan McKay has hurt," said Val. "He's used me in the past, too. My best friend is much better off without him and if it took you to finally help her accept that, then it'll help her in the long run. Revenge against Dylan? I'm all for it. I'm just wondering why now? Were you trying to get him to leave Bren for you?"
"I've always been in love with Dylan," said Gina. "I did everything I possibly could to move on from that bastard, and nothing ever worked. I even went into a fucking psych ward hoping I could come out of it Dylan-free."
"My sister was in one of those," said Val. "A psych ward. Did it help?"
"Donna promised it would, but Donna's a rotten liar," said Gina. "The best thing about my time in there, the only good thing about being in there, was that it introduced me to her."
"Her?" asked Val. "Her who?"
"I've said too much," said Gina.
"LL?" asked Val. "Did you meet LL in there?"
"Is this a setup?" Gina started to look around the office.
"Just curiosity," said Val. "I'm usually the manipulative one. It's rare that I've met someone who might be on my level. It's why I hired you. You're good, Gina, and I need good. If this LL is good, I might need her onboard, too."
"We're better than good," said Gina. "We're fucking brilliant. It was never about him."
"I'm sorry?"
"Dylan. It was never about him. She knew Brenda had married. She had kept tabs on her for a while, since Brenda's fame had begun rising in the US. She planned for us to go after Brenda's husband, whoever he may be. That it turned out to be Dylan, with our history? That worked in my favor. Him flying out here sans Brenda? That really worked in my favor. And now; now I have his son. When he holds our son, when he holds what our love created, he'll forget all about Brenda. No more Kelly. No more Brenda. Finally, finally, Dylan McKay will be all mine."
"And Bren is saved from his player ways," said Val. "I was right to hire you. I think you and I will make an excellent partnership."
Dylan could no longer bring himself to listen in.
It was never about you, Dylan.
He punched at the dashboard.
Toni had been spot-on.
It had never been about him.
It had been about Brenda's husband, who had just so happened to be him.
His whole fucking life had gone to catastrophe because of some whackadoodle woman's obsession with his wife and the ex-girlfriend the woman had enlisted to help her.
Dylan whipped out his mobile.
"Now's not a good time, McKay," said Steve. "Unless this is about Bren. Is it about Bren?"
"Does your dad still run with a guy who has connections to all those mental facilities across the country?" asked Dylan.
"Why?" asked Steve. "You thinking of checking yourself into one? Because I say it's long overdue."
"I'm thinking of volunteering at one," said Dylan.
"Any one in particular?"
"The one Gina was in," said Dylan. "Where she met LL. I want you to track down which one it was so that I can go in and get access to LL's file."
"You can't just get access to someone's confidential file."
"Which is why I'm going to prove myself trustworthy as a volunteer," said Dylan, "and once I've done that, I'll get a job."
"You have a job."
"Both of which I have control over, Sanders. I make my own hours. If I want more flexibility so I can get a job at the facility, I can. This woman has threatened my wife. She's threatened my daughters. She sicced Gina on me. She's trying to end my marriage. I'll break the fucking law if it gets me access to her identity."
"I'll talk to Rush," said Steve, "but not because of you. Because of Bren. Because if this woman is as dangerous to Bren as you say she is, then I'm gonna be involved in finding her."
"So basically, you'll help me."
"If you have to put it that way."
Valerie had hired Gina. David was pretending to date her. Donna had spilt Gina's secret. Brandon was searching for LL. Steve would speak with Rush. Kelly was looking out for Brenda.
He had, one by one, pulled in the West Coast gang to assist in the search for his family's perpetrator.
He had, as well, gotten himself back on friendly terms with Brenda, though she would be disinclined to admit it.
Now if only he could get her to agree to dinner, to dance to mariachi until they danced the foolish notion of divorce straight out of her prepossessing figure.
-x
The song is a fav, Storybook Love from The Princess Bride, which, given that it came out in 1987, has always seemed to me a film that both Dylan and Brenda would love. The monologue is from Love Letters. I listened to Dennis and Judy Helfand's full reading on YouTube in order to choose a passage that would work for the McKays.
Sources: Google, Google Images, YT.
(Shout-out to KJ to express my continued gratitude and appreciation, as well as those of you whose review I could respond to directly. Thank you, KJ! I enjoyed writing that conversation between Bren and Kel and figuring out the best way to break up DK. Dylan sure is persistent!)
I am determined to put out another chapter of Lethe, then hopefully Floe, Itero, Illumination, one of these days. Nyx has taken over, for the time being.
Thanks a million!