Chapter 8: Fight or flight?
"Lor! Wait up." She was on her way to the bathroom, which seemed to be her primary activity on school breaks nowadays.
"What's up, Chris? I really have to go to the bathroom." She was honestly surprised he talked to her at all. They've lost touch and never really came back to being friends. When the rumors about her pregnancy were all over the school, he didn't even walk up to her to ask if it's true. Now, at the end of the school year she was almost 6 months pregnant and there was no hiding it anymore.
"Headmaster Ronalds wanted me to tell you that he can see you at his office today after school, if you're still interested. One of his meetings got bumped." Chris said. Okay, so it wasn't a social conversation, he just wanted to give her a message.
"Great, thanks Chris." She said. She expected him to walk away but he just stood there awkwardly, his eyes laying on her stomach. "Did you want anything else?"
"I just… was wondering where Luke was. I haven't seen him around for over a week."
"What, are you missing your best friend?" She asked sarcastically. "He's got a cold. He's feeling good now, but the doctor said that he can be contagious for a week, so he stayed home longer. He didn't want me to catch it. But he'll be back tomorrow. It's only a few days till the end of the school year anyway so he didn't miss much. Any particular reason why you're interested?"
"It's just… you seem kind of lonely without him. For the last few months you two were practically a package deal. I wanted to ask you if you need some company."
"Well, that's very sweet of you, Chris. But I'm not lonely. And Luke is coming back tomorrow, like I said."
"Right, right." another awkward pause. "I was just wondering … why did we screw up things so bad?"
"Excuse me? Are you referring to my pregnancy? Because I'm pretty sure that's not your issue. I don't recall you being there for conception."
"No, not your pregnancy. I mean our friendship. We were friends for years, Lor. And you abandoned me for him."
"Abandoned you?" Lorelai asked, shocked. "As far as I remember it was you who cut all the ties. I wanted you to be my friend, but I also wanted to be Luke's friend. And you couldn't accept it!"
"Well, I think it's pretty obvious that from the start you wanted to be more than Luke's friend." He looked pointedly at her stomach.
"So what if I was? Was that really so horrible? We still could've stayed friends. It's not like you and I were ever going out."
"But we could've been!" Chris yelled. "Don't you get it, Lor? We were perfect for each other. We know each other so well. We could've been great together. And I would never put you in this position."
"Chris, come on! We don't know what we would've been because we never tried. You can't rewrite history. It is what it is. I love him. And you could've stayed a part of my life if you wanted to be my friend but if you wanted to be more, then I'm sorry. You never stood a chance. From the moment he came to our school I was a goner. And as for the last part you said, you can't possibly say that you would never put me in this position, unless you plan to never have sex in your life. Accidents happen. It wasn't what either of us planned, but it happened and we're dealing with it."
"Don't you get it, Lor? It is over for you. Your dreams are done. Do you honestly think that you can go backpacking through Europe now? Or go to college? Or to ever become free from your parents? You will never achieve anything! And Luke will be right there alongside you, dragging you further down. Don't you think I know what your meeting with the headmaster will be about? You're dropping out! And you'll never be more than a high school dropout. And that's all because of him!"
"Screw you, Christopher! You do not get to speak like that to me. I will achieve anything I want, damn it. And it's good that we stopped being friends. Because I can see clearly now that you were and always will be a jerk. I may be dropping out but I still outgrow you in every possible way. Have a nice life Chris. I guess after the end of the school year, I will never have to see you again!" And with that she turned around and walked away as fast as she could.
"Miss Gilmore, please, come in." Headmaster gestured for her to walk into his office.
She sat at the chair and went straight to the point.
"I guess it is no surprise why I'm here. I want to take my papers and say goodbye. I won't be coming back here next year."
"Yes, I assumed as much. I have it all right here. Miss Gilmore, if I may ask, what are your plans for the future? Do you plan to ever go back to school?"
"I can't give you an honest answer for that, I'm afraid. For now I know that next year will be crazy enough, without having to worry about my homework and tests. But I do hope that someday in the future I will be able to somehow finish school or get my GED."
"I'm very glad to hear that, Miss Gilmore. Education is important and I wish you luck. Unlike any other student who wants to drop out, you will not get the usual 'stay in school' monologue. Instead, I encourage you to finish high school, whenever you will be able to. But for now I know that you're making the right decision. And you're a very bright girl, I know you will be able to finish your education some day." She was thankful for his kind words.
"Thank you, Headmaster Ronalds."
"Although, I do have to say, it's a shame about Mr. Danes. He led our team to victory this football season, and I was hoping he would stay with us for longer. I do understand why you have to drop out, but I thought Mr. Danes would stay in school. But I know it's your decision, and I will respect it. Here, you can also take Luke's papers and give it to him when you see him."
"Sure, thank you, Headmaster." She tried not to look too stunned by this information. She had no idea Luke was planning to drop out. They never discussed it, but she thought he would stay in school. She couldn't help but think about Chris' words. Did they really drag each other down? And what kind of life would a kid raised by 2 high school dropouts have? She knew that it was finally time to have a serious talk. Decisions, which they have been putting out for a while now, were now piling up, waiting for solutions. So after school she went to the bus station and headed to Stars Hollow.
"Lorelai, what are you doing here? I may still be contagious." Luke said when he saw Lorelai at his doorsteps. However, he still moved aside and gestured for her to come in.
"I think we're good. You look fine. I just needed to talk to you, and I didn't want to wait till tomorrow."
"Okay. Are you mad at me? You sound mad."
"Well, that depends. Did you do anything that could make me mad?"
"Not that I know of. Can you just please tell me what I did, because you're clearly pissed at me." He said, frustrated. He didn't like when Lorelai was acting like this - angry, but not saying why.
"I talked to Headmaster Ronalds today. I wanted to tell him about my decision to leave school and wanted to take my documents. You know, how we discussed almost a month ago, that I would not be coming back in the fall. I, however, did not remember how we discussed you leaving school. Or did you just forget to mention this life-changing decision to me?"
"Okay, I get why you're mad. But I can explain it. I made this decision a week ago, and then I got sick so I didn't have a chance to tell you about it."
"But why did you decide this on your own? I thought we were in this together!" She yelled. "And why would you wanna leave the school at all? You're doing well, and it's not like you're gonna be 8 months pregnant in September. You can still go!"
"I won't be 8 months pregnant in September, but I will be a father in October. Could you just, please, stop yelling and listen to me for a second?"
She took a few deep breaths and answered:
"Fine. But it better be good."
"I thought about it. A lot. We still haven't discussed where we will live, but either way you know we'll need money. You want to take as little as possible from your parents and I don't want my dad to pay for us either. So I need to find a job as soon as possible. And then when the school year starts I would have a part time job, school work and I also would have to help my dad at the store as I always did, I can't just abandon him. And on top of that, we'll have a brand new baby in October. I need to make some cuts. And the school seems the right choice. It's not forever. We'll both finish it in the future. We can take night courses and we'll pass GED together. But school is the only thing I can quit right now. I want my kid to know me, Lorelai. I don't want to be one of those fathers who are always busy, come back home late at night and don't even have time to play with their kids. So I have to prioritize. I will work, because we need money. I will help my dad, because he needs me. But other than that, I plan to spend every other moment with you and our baby. Okay?"
"Well, as far as explanations go, this one is pretty damn good." Lorelai admitted. "I'm sorry I got so mad. You're right. I can't expect you to do it all. It's stupid Chris, he got to me."
"What? You talked to Christopher?" He asked surprised, trying to not sound jealous.
"More like he talked to me. He was acting like a real jerk, and he said that we would drag each other down, that we will never achieve our goals, that I would never backpack through Europe like I always planned. And I told him to go to hell. But then I found out about you dropping out and I acted a little crazy. I just don't want us to lose our dreams."
"We won't, I swear."
"Thank you. You're right. Well, maybe I just have to lose one of my dreams, because there is no way for me to backpack through Europe with a toddler."
"No, we won't lose any of our dreams. We'll just postpone it for a while. We'll go together when our kid is 18, all 3 of us, okay?"
"But I thought you don't like traveling."
"Are you kidding me? As long as we're together, I wouldn't mind going to Antarctica." He gave her a kiss on the nose and smiled. "We're gonna make all of our dreams come true, it's just gonna take some time, I promise."
"How is it that you always know exactly what to say?"
"God given talent." He laughed. "But I guess now would be a good time to make the rest of the decisions, the most important one, is where are we gonna live?"
"I really think you're gonna need to move to Hartford. There's just no place in your house for me and the baby. It's possible that we'll be going crazy with our parents breathing down our neck every single day, but it seems like the most logical solution. That is of course if they are even gonna let you move in, when we don't want to get married. I tried to explain it to them a million times, but to them the only solution to pregnancy is marriage. I'm gonna talk to them tonight, after my doctor's appointment."
"You have a doctor's appointment and you didn't tell me?" He asked surprised. Luke didn't miss a single doctor's appointment since Lorelai found out about pregnancy.
"Yeah, I just thought I wouldn't see you till tomorrow, so I forgot to mention it. But now that I'm already here you're welcome to come with me."
"Okay, I will come then. I will borrow my dad's truck, and after the appointment I will take you home. We can talk to your parents together. "
"Thank you, Luke. It means a lot to me."
"Anything for my girl" He smiled and gave her a kiss. What the hell, he was 99% sure he wasn't contagious anymore.
"Great news guys. The baby is perfect. It's growing strong and is developing well. You can also hear the strong heartbeat." The doctor smiled at the young couple, who were looking at the ultrasound machine and listening to their baby's heartbeat in awe.
"Do you hear that?" Lorelai asked excitedly.
"Well, Duh. I would have to be deaf to not hear it." He rolled his eyes. "It sounds amazing."
"Can you believe that we created a life together? That's actually pretty cool. My mother always said that the only thing I create is chaos. And look at that, I managed to create both chaos and a life in one big combo." She laughed.
"It is pretty cool. So, doctor, are you sure everything's fine? With both baby and Lorelai?" Luke asked, concerned.
"I'm sure, Luke. But since you two are my favorite couple I can also do the second test with a new ultrasound machine. We just got it, the picture is supposed to be much clearer, I may even be able to tell you the sex of your baby."
"Wow, you can do that now?" Lorelai asked. "That sounds awesome. Yes, please, I want to know the sex of the baby."
"Don't get excited just yet. It's still a pretty new technology. The baby has to be in a good position for me to see it. But let's try it."
Lorelai squeezed Luke's hand, excited.
"How awesome it would be if we could know the sex of our baby before It's born. What do you want, a boy or a girl?" Lorelai asked Luke, while the doctor was setting up the new machine.
"Oh, no, no. No way I'm telling you. If I say one thing, and then it turns out we're having another, you'll never let me hear the end of it. I just want our baby to be healthy, the sex doesn't matter."
"No fair, tell me, please." She looked at him with puppy eyes and he, of course, couldn't say no to her.
"Eh, fine. I thought that a girl would be nice. I have all these jewelry that my mom passed on to me and to Liz, and I already gave you some of it, but it just sounds nice. The idea of having a little girl who would look like you, that I could pass on family heirlooms to."
"Oh, Luke. That's so cute."
"Do not tell me I'm cute. Men are not supposed to be cute. Anyway, now you have to tell me what you want."
"Oh, I don't know. As long as it is healthy I'll be happy." Sme smiled widely at him as he looked at her, betrayed.
"You can't do that! You made me tell you what I want, and now if we're having a boy, you will always bring it up again."
"What can I say, I'm a master of manipulation." She chuckled.
"Okay, let's have a look here." The doctor said when she finally set up the machine. She looked at the picture for a while and then smiled widely. "Well, Mr. Danes, I think you'll be very pleased. You're having a little girl."
Luke and Lorelai walked out of the doctor's office happy and excited about the news of the baby's sex. But soon the happiness turned to anxiety as they remembered their next step. They had to go to Gilmore's house and talk about their future plans.
"Mom, Dad, I'm home. Could you please meet us in the living room?" Lorelai yelled when they walked in.
"Us?" Emily asked, while going down the stairs. "Oh, Luke, what a lovely surprise." She said politely, but her eyes were telling a whole different story. "I thought you had a cold."
"I did, but I'm all better now."
"Wonderful. So what brings you here?"
"We were at my doctor's appointment and we have some news and we wanted to discuss our future plans." Lorelai said.
"Is everything alright with the baby?" Emily asked, concerned. It was weird to Lorelai how furious Emily was with the news of pregnancy, and how at the same time she cared for her future grandchild.
"Everything's perfect." Lorelai assured. "Let's just wait for dad, please."
"Richard, for God's sake, could you come in here?" Emilly yelled impatiently.
Richard walked out from his study and went into the living room.
"Alright, alright, I'm here. What's this all about?"
"Well, first we have news. We went to the doctor's today and we found out the sex of the baby. It's gonna be a girl." Lorelai said. Emily and Richard smiled at her words.
"A girl! How wonderful. And is she completely healthy? You did all of the tests?" Emily asked.
"Yes, mom. We did every test possible, The kid is happy and healthy. We even printed the pictures and we have a copy for you." Lorelai answered and handed to her parents a picture from an ultrasound. "Personally, I think it looks like a big blob, but the doctor swears it's a healthy baby girl"
"Lorelai! That's an inappropriate thing to say about your daughter." Emily said disapprovingly. "But thank you for the picture, it's nice to see our granddaughter for the first time." She said honestly. "But you also wanted to talk about your future plans. Go ahead, we're listening."
"Right." Lorelai said, nervous. Luke squeezed her hand for support. "So we've been talking and we decided that the best thing for the baby would be if we live here. There's more space here than at Luke's house and it's closer to the hospital, so it just makes sense. Of course, Luke wants to be here for his daughter so he would move here also."
They sat in an overwhelming silence for a while. Finally, Richard cleared his throat and spoked up:
"So, you decided to get married after all. Fine, there's still time to make proper arrangements for the ceremony, right Emily?"
"No, dad, we're not getting married." Lorelai clarified before Emily had a chance to respond. "We'll just live together and raise a baby together. We both agreed that it's too soon for us to get married."
"I see. So it's not too soon for you to get pregnant and to have a strange boy move into my house? No, Lorelai. I won't allow it. You get pregnant, you get married. And if Luke wants to move in here, then that's my condition."
"You can't be serious, dad! You really want your 16-year-old daughter to get married?" Lorelai asked in disbelief.
"No, of course I don't want my 16-year-old daughter married. I don't want my 16-year-old daughter pregnant either, but that happened. So now we have to follow the protocol!"
"No, we don't! I won't do it. This is my life, Luke's life and our baby's life. You can't make me!"
"Well, then Luke can't live here!"
"Mr Gilmore, please.." Luke started but was immediately interrupted.
"No, you don't get to say anything. You've done enough damage."
"Don't talk to him like that dad. He's part of it, whether you like it or not. And is it so weird that he wants to live with his daughter?"
"If he wants to live with his daughter he will marry you. And that's my final word."
"Fine, then he won't live here. And I won't live here either. I'll go pack up my things."
"Lorelai, you're still a minor. We can make you stay. You have nowhere to go."
"With all due respect, Mr Gilmore, but she has a place to go. She's always welcome at my house."
"I'll get emancipated if I have to." Lorelai added. "I'm sorry, but you can't keep Luke away from his daughter. And you can't make us get married. So if that's your condition, then I'm out of here."
They didn't stop her this time. She quietly packed up her things with Luke's help, said goodbye to her parents and walked out. When she sat in the passenger's seat of Luke's dad's truck, it finally hit her and she started crying quietly.
"I never thought it would come to this. I'm homeless now." She stated, still crying.
"Nonsense, we're just going home." Luke comforted her. "You love Stars Hollow. It'll be a perfect home for you and our baby, I swear."
The drive to Star Hollow was silent. Lorelai was somehow relieved about leaving her parents' house. It meant that she was now free from their judgment and from their control. But it also meant that she and Luke would have to somehow figure out how to live together and later with the baby in Luke's room. They would also have to get a job locally, which was much more limited here than in Hartford. She didn't pack all of her stuff, just the clothes, money and some other necessities. But still, when she put the boxes in Luke's room it took a lot of space. She didn't know what they were gonna do when her mother would send the rest of her stuff. She was also worried about sharing a bed with Luke. They didn't have any other choice, and his father agreed to it (after all she couldn't get pregnant twice) but she never had to share a bed before and that scared her a little. She drew a line at getting married, but now that she thought about it, it looked like that they were gonna live like an old married couple either way. She was silent at dinner, even though William, Liz and Luke were trying to comfort her and include her in the conversation. William also assured Lorelai that he was thrilled to welcome her in his home. But all of that only made Lorelai feel more like a guest and she couldn't imagine herself living there permanently and feeling at home.
After dinner she said she needed some fresh air. Luke didn't want her to be alone so he offered to go with her on a short walk. They walked silently for a while before Luke decided to say something.
"Don't do it, Lorelai. I can see you're rethinking your decisions. That you wonder what is worse, stuck in your parents' house and being married to me, or being stuck in this tiny home with me. Or you are thinking about some third option in which you run away from all of this, including me. So, please don't. I know it sucks right now. You feel like a stranger in my house and you feel trapped. But I'm gonna tell you right now that the last thing I want for you is to feel trapped by me. You told me you don't want to get married and I respect it. And I won't treat you like my wife, just because we're living together. I will treat you like my girlfriend, because that's what you are. Seriously, I think that in all of this baby fever we lost ourselves a little bit. And just remember that we were good before all of this. We loved each other. We had fun with each other. So, let's continue to be that way. I'll even sleep on the floor if it makes you more comfortable."
"It is amazing how well you know me, really. And you're right, I am a little scared. It's just… we'll now see each other every single minute of every single day. And I'm worried that we'll get sick of each other, and that you'll resent me and then you'll resent our daughter. And I don't want that for her."
"Lorelai, I would love to tell you that I'll love you forever and that we'll always be together and I would love for you to believe that. But let's face it, we're a couple of teenagers, it's possible that I have no idea what I'm talking about and we won't last. But I promise, it will never affect the way I feel about my daughter. I will always love her. I already love her and I haven't even met her yet. And when it comes to you and me, all I can say is let's not let the 'what ifs' destroy what we have now. We'll just be like a couple of roommates who happen to date and are expecting a baby. Super casual, deal?" She laughed at his words.
"Sure, there's nothing more casual than that. I will try my hardest to make it work, I swear, Luke. Now let's go back home. And don't worry, I won't make you sleep on the floor."