(Gwen's POV)
"What if what you're looking for is closer than you think it is?"
...What is that supposed to mean?
It's been looping in my mind for the past...God, how long has it even been since Noah left for the cabins again? Ten minutes? Twenty? Thirty?! I don't know! I've just been stuck sitting here on this log, watching the stars hanging above me with a blanked expression on my face, that message stuck on repeat in my brain.
"What if what you're looking for is closer than you think it is?"
What is it supposed to MEAN?! It doesn't make sense! It's like he was speaking in a completely foreign language to me, and it's honestly starting to piss me off!
I know I'm not the smartest; I'm not some model grade-A student, looking to go to college to become a doctor or a lawyer. I'm a creative type, that's just what I always have been. It usually doesn't bother me when I fail to understand something that was said to me, since most of the time it's just someone either info-dumping to me about something I don't care about, or someone going way too technical with their knowledge on a subject...but this is entirely different.
This was meant to be an answer - an answer to a problem that was seriously affecting me right now, and had been really pulling at the corners of my mind pretty much ever since that kiss happened between me and Dunc-I mean, Duncan and I-, whatever. Point is, he said that like it was supposed to be the answer to all of my current problems, and I don't even know where to begin with trying to understand what it means!
I swear, if I didn't know him any better, I'd swear that he was just saying that to mess with me, to try and get me fixated onto this instead of-
"Hello? Earth to Gwen?"
Abruptly snapping out of my own thoughts, my head jolts around for a few seconds, before my eyes finally settle, realizing that the person calling out to me was none other than...Trent~.
"Ah, good, you're still with us down here on your home planet." He quips, the both of us laughing at this, as I brush a few hairs back into their intended placement.
"Ahaha, yeah...sorry about that, Trent-" I go to explain, only for him to sit down beside me, and place a hand onto my own, guiding it down onto my lap.
"Hey, no reason to apologize; We all get lost in our own head sometimes." He replies, giving a moment's pause before continuing onward. "So, how'd your walk with Noah go?"
Suddenly, I feel myself tensing, my body freezing as my mind races once more, being brought right back to what I had been shaken out of in the first place: That damn answer...
After he catches sight of this, though, Trent pulls me into a one-armed hug, the sensation of his hand on my back reminding me to come back down from the depths of my own mind, and grounding me to reality once again, much to my relief. Allowing myself to just melt into his arm, we stay in this position for a couple seconds, before I decide to break it off, the security of him being here beside me proving enough for me to not get lost as easily as I had become it before.
"Are..." I trail off, my eyes falling to the grass beneath us, before I pick them back up, and look back up towards the gorgeous night sky hanging over us. "Is everything fine? Between us, I mean?"
Pausing for the sake of Trent's answer, I find myself waiting a couple seconds longer than I originally anticipated, and when I look back towards my musician, he seems to be...alarmed.
"Wh-um, what...do you mean?" He asks, and now it's my turn to leave him waiting in anticipation.
The gears turning slower than I'd like to admit to, I look askew and over my left shoulder, clutching it gently with my right hand in the process, before looking back towards him.
"I...I don't know, maybe-" Abruptly, I stop myself, a sinking feeling settling into me that gives me immediate regret. "Y'know what? No." I hurriedly backtrack on my earlier question, hoping deep down that Trent understands this isn't his fault.
"Gwen-" He tries to respond, but I cut him off just as swiftly.
"No, Trent, it's-, it's fine. Really. It's fine. We're fine. Just...forget I even asked."
"Gwen." Trent says, a sterner tone of voice to him this time. "I want to know what you meant by that. Is there something wrong with me? Was it something I did? Something I said?"
"No! No, Trent!" I exclaim, my intended tone muddled with hints of exacerbation beneath the surface. "You did nothing wrong, Trent! I just-"
"Then is it something about us then, Gwen? Is there...is there something wrong with us two being, y'know...together?"
"NO!" I yell out this time, the exacerbation mixing in with anger that leaves the both of us falling silent for the next couple of seconds immediately afterwards; Letting out a sigh, I look away from him once more, gaze falling back over my shoulder. "I just..." Finally, I bite the bullet, huffing out another breath as I turn to look my boyfriend right in the eye, forcing myself to be strong for him, for the sake of us, together.
"...You ever just get that feeling where you're going through life, and everything seems to be fine, it's all working out in your favor, and then you just...gosh, I-I don't know..." I trail off, breaking eye contact, only for Trent to pull me together, forcing me to look at him once more; A silent 'thank you' resonates in my mind, as I compose myself momentarily.
"You just feel like things...aren't going the way you wanted them to?" I finally stammer out, and for a brief second, I swear that I can see Trent's expression flicker to one of sheer annoyance, but by the time that I finally recognize it, it's shifted into confusion, and a caring hand is gently placed down onto my shoulder by Trent.
"Gwen, I totally get what you're trying to say." Trent responds, leaving me perplexed by this.
"Yuh-you do?" I sputter out, only for him to nod in response.
"I do. And believe me, Gwen, I've been there before." He says, tilting his head downward, before picking up where he left off. "I think it's just the stress of this contest, it's been getting to the both of us." He explains, his head lifting back to being level with mine. "I admit, ever since that whole thing between you and Duncan went down, I've been feeling a bit...how do you describe it..."
"Paranoid?" I chime in, a teasing grin on my face, as he lets out a soft laugh.
"Yeah, sure, let's go with that. I've been feeling paranoid about us two being together in a relationship. I mean, I still like you-, obviously, I like you! But...with what happened to Tyler and Lindsay early on, not to mention Geoff and Bridgette, I..." Trent trails off from there, remaining quiet for a few seconds, but it's in that time that I am able to connect the dots, so to speak, and come up with an answer to what Trent might exactly be implying.
"...Trent? Is there..." I pause, trying to stop myself from letting any tears roll down my face. "Do you think that we should-"
"No!" Suddenly, Trent is no longer holding me, as he jolts up to his feet. "Just...it's fine. It's fine, Gwen. Let's forget about it."
"But...you wanted to know what I meant by what I said earlier!" I exclaim, my mind flashing back to earlier in the conversation, when this exact situation played out, just with the roles reversed. "How am I supposed to forget about this when you wouldn't let me forget about what I had to say earlier?"
"Because what you had to say was important!" Trent exclaims defensively, his voice slightly raised in the process.
"And this isn't?!" I fire back, my own voice getting raised in response to his.
"No, it is, I just-, it's just-," Trent stops, taking a breath, "it's...it's complicated, okay?"
"No! No, it's okay, Trent!" I answer. "From how you were talking, it sounded like you wanted for us to break up because of...because of this game!"
"That's not what I meant, Gwen-"
"So what did you mean, then?!" I exclaim, now standing up to meet his gaze. "Bringing up Tyler and Lindsay, bringing up Geoff and Bridgette, what was that supposed to mean, huh?!"
"It means that I don't want there to be targets painted onto our backs!" Trent yells out, his outburst stunning me for a few moments. "Don't you get it, Gwen? Every time there's been a couple formed on this show, it's ended up with one of them, if not both of them, being targeted by the others because of their relationship! You really think that Tyler got voted off just because of his fear of chickens? Or that Bridgette got voted off because she was nice? They were targeting them because of their relationships, Gwen!"
"And why do you think the same is going to happen to us then, Trent?" I ask, finally finding my voice once more after my boyfriend's prior yell. "We know that Heather's going to go after us, but she's got no one left to protect her! She's defenseless! All we got to do is wait for the next challenge to come around, and then-"
"Heather's not the one I'm worried about, Gwen!" Trent once again cuts me off, but this time, things fall silent between the both of us.
Seconds pass by, as I try to figure out what exactly he means by this...try to figure out who he means, until Trent inaudibly mutters something under his breath; A name that I can't quite pick up on, but sounds awfully familiar...
"Did...did Trent just say...?"
"...Did you just say Noah?" I ask, and as I look back towards my boyfriend, I watch as he freezes in place, before his shoulders slouch forward.
"...Yeah, I did." He sighs out, sitting back down onto the log as he looks out towards the stars above; I'm not letting this drop off so easily, however, as I remain standing in front of him, blocking his view of the night sky.
"You think that Noah is trying to...to vote one of us out?" I ask, temper flaring as Trent's eyes dart away from mine. "You think he's trying to break us up?!" I reiterate, only to receive a sigh from the musician.
"What were you two talking about on your walk?" He asks, taking me aback as I stammer for a couple seconds. "Well? What was it?"
"We...we were talking about Heather." I respond, a partial truth given to the musician. "I asked if he had done something to her, or said something to make her stop going after me as much as she did when we first got on the island." I elaborate, knowing I need to add upon it to make it believable. "He said that he didn't, but...I don't know if I believe him or not." Another half-truth; I knew if I believed him or not, but...with how Trent's been taking all of this, maybe keeping him in the dark about it would-
"So he wasn't trying to convince you to not be with me anymore?"
Wait.
What?
"W-What?!"
"Did he?" Trent presses, a surprising amount of force to his tone of voice.
"N-No!" I bluntly reply, unsure of how to even respond to that type of questioning. "W-Why would he even..." I trail off, too caught up in the suddenness of this question to even think of a proper question in response.
"I don't know; Maybe because he and Heather are-" He starts, but at this point, I cut him short, knowing already where this is heading.
"What, dating?" I sarcastically quip, waiting for his confirmation in that belief...
"No, I meant working together!" Trent says, completely subverting my expectations, as he speaks with a bitter tone to his voice. "You don't find it suspicious that from the moment Noah stepped foot back onto this island, Heather stopped trying to make your life- our lives a living hell at camp? You don't think it's suspicious how much those two spend time with each other, or how Noah keeps handing Heather immunity whenever he gets the chance?"
"Wh-...what?" I ask, furrowing my brow as I try to understand what my boyfriend is currently trying to imply about my...friend?
"Think about it, Gwen, it's not just Heather, either! He handed Owen immunity during the say uncle challenge, he gave Duncan that advice during the treasure hunt, he saves Heather by voting off Bridgette, he doesn't even participate during the bike race, and then tonight he just hands Heather immunity by taking her as a pawn?!" With each instance he lists off, it seems Trent just gets angrier and angrier, as if this had all been pent up inside of him for days, if not weeks. "He's trying to play us! He's trying to pit us against each other, that way he can slip underneath the radar, and coast his way to the hundred grand!"
"But...but he told us he didn't mean for Duncan to take that advice the way he did! He-"
"He lied to us, Gwen! That's all he's ever done is lie! And he probably was lying to you tonight, as well! I mean, look at what happened during the challenge! He got Courtney to backstab you, and she didn't even get anything out of it! Honestly, if it wasn't for that, then I don't think Geoff would've been the one who got sent home tonight!" That exclamation gives me pause, as I try to right myself from the way Trent just...berated me.
"I thought you were the one who wanted to vote Courtney off tonight, though?" I ask, only for Trent to shake his head.
"No! I just did that because of how badly she betrayed you! If it were up to me, we would've been voting off DJ tonight instead." Trent says, shocking me with his response.
"DJ?! But that dude is so nice to everyone!" I respond, my look of shock unable to be replicated, even if someone tried. "Why would you want him gone?"
"Because he's a threat, Gwen! Can't you see it?" He asks, as if this were something that was way over my head, like he was talking to Lindsay or something. "He's big, he's tough, and he's made friends with everyone still here! Even Heather didn't mind dealing with him, Gwen - Heather! Doesn't that give him an advantage come the finale? Chris said that we'd all be on the jury - that means, if it comes down to a vote, nobody's going to want to vote against him!" Admittedly, I...can actually comprehend why he might be thinking this way...but it still sounds so absurd that it feels like he's just mocking me; It's like saying that Owen is a threat - in certain challenges, yeah, but there's no way that guy could win the whole season...right?
"So...so do you think that him being friendly with everyone here was just a way for him to try and win the hundred thousand?" I hesitantly ask, afraid to even do so. "That's what everyone here is doing to each other, right Trent? Just...just playing one another for the chance of winning the hundred grand?" I continue on, finding my confidence growing as I speak. "That's all that Heather's doing, that's all that Noah's doing-" At that, an idea pops into my mind, and before I can stop it, I find myself speaking once more. "So what? Is that all that this is to you as well, Trent? Just a way for us to play with each other for the sake of a hundred grand?!" I ask, audibly gasping as I clamp my hands over my mouth right afterwards, feeling immediate regret for letting that slip out.
Before I can apologize, or say anything else, I look over at Trent, and see him flinching backwards in his seat, before he shakily rises back to his feet, and looks me in the eye.
"N-No, Gwen." He starts, stammering on as he tries to find the words. "I...I love you, Gwen, I do!" He says, causing me to gasp once more, eyes widening. "I'm just...I want to win this too, you know? I don't want this to be held against us, for someone to use this as a way to get one of us, if not both of us voted off the island, and sent back home, okay?"
...
...
...
"...I'm going back to the cabins." I tell him, turning away without a second glance, as I begin the trek back towards the girls cabin with a face of stone masking my true feelings.
As I make it out the woods, and start seeing the cabins coming up ahead, only then does the mask falter, and I feel tears finally start appearing, first as tiny pinpricks, then as full-on fountains pouring down my face, my footsteps growing heavier the closer I get to the cabin door, before I throw it open and launch myself face-first into the bed, sobbing into my pillow while the others remain sleeping.
I feel like such a moron; I should have seen this coming from a mile away, but it still hurts. It hurts so much more, though, than I could have even imagined, because I was so blinded by my own thoughts and feelings. I should have known that this was going to happen...
"I...I love you, Gwen, I do!"
...But it still hurts just the same, knowing when someone is lying to your face.
(Heather's POV)
"...Goddamnit, now gothy is bawling her eyes out, too. As if there's anything else that could make this day get worse." I sarcastically comment to myself in my mind, resisting the urge to roll my eyes, or just turn around and yell at the goth girl to shut up and get to bed.
Today has been a long, long day for me. First our idiot host doesn't even give us a challenge to start things off, then we all had to sit there and watch some cheesy D-grade horror flick, and then if that weren't bad enough, Chris gets all pissy about us not buying into his pathetic excuse for a 'challenge', and blames me for the fact that he's not that good at this whole 'hosting' thing. Then we get to the actual challenge at hand, and Noah - Noah, of all people! - has to come around and hand me immunity, as if he was somehow saving me by doing so!
Honestly, the whole 'lying face down "dead" on the bathroom floor, wearing nothing but a towel' thing might be the least of my issues with how today went - although, I do need to take a longer shower now tomorrow thanks to how disgusting that place is. I swear, that place needs a cleaning crew to go through it yesterday.
...Where was I again? Oh, right, getting beaten up by Courtney for the sake of earning immunity. Not going to lie? That was at least fun, except for the part where she kicked me to the ground; That psycho's got one hell of a leg on her. Although, what wasn't fun was seeing that know-it-all getting so close with the C.I.T.
I mean, I get it, you need to get in close to prevent goth girl from overhearing as you plan to have her stabbed in the back, literally; That part I am fine with. What I'm not exactly fine with is just how...flirty he was getting with her. Like, obviously he was just getting into the role - not like he's that good at it, anyways - but seriously? Hearing him say 'my dear' or calling her 'sweetie'? Eugh! The only reason I didn't jump in and stop things right there was because that bookworm had a good idea in fooling her; Come on, it was totally obvious that he was going to betray her, he never said anything about giving her invincibility! He just said that he'd protect her for tonight's elimination...although, I really wish that he just went full-on with the betrayal and just voted her off anyway. Hello, people? A hundred grand is on the line here! Protecting someone like her isn't going to get you any closer to winning!
"So like how Noah protected you during the hide-and-seek challenge a couple days back?"
That thought gets me to almost sit up in my bunk, only stopping thanks to another pitiful whimper coming from the weird goth girl across the room from me. Unfortunately for me, her whimpering only serves to distract me momentarily, as my mind returns to the point it just made, and the scowl that it brought along with its intrusion into my own mental recap of the day.
I didn't exactly need that little reminder when having to deal with the fact that Courtney got saved today when, by all accounts, she should've been gone. Not that I mind getting rid of Geoff - his alliance with DJ was a threat that I was meaning to nip in the bud, anyhow. But I am annoyed at how that sociopath-in-training is allowed to stay longer than she should be, especially with that 'chat' that the two of us had the other day...
-0-
"So", Courtney starts off, sitting down on the bunk across the room from mine, "you and Noah, huh?" The C.I.T. asks, venom dripping from each and every word that she speaks, which forces me into immediate action, no matter how unprepared I am to be having this conversation right at this very moment.
"Ugh, you are not seriously going to believe Lindsiot over myself, are you?" I scoff, folding my arms in annoyance.
"No, I'm not." Courtney relents, a small smile appearing on my face as I go to continue on. "But, I am going to believe Noah's word over yours, ever since he told me about you two being in an alliance together." That gets me to wipe that smile right off of my face, as she looks at me with a look of expectancy.
"Wow, congratulations, it took you prying the information out of the know-it-all to piece that one together, didn't it, miss imperfection?" I snipe back, my snide tone leading to a small grin as I see how that comment gets underneath her skin ever so slightly. "So what if me and the know-it-all worked together? It's not like I was blackmailing him into it; He was just as interested in it as I was."
"Oh, really? No blackmail, no manipulation, no forcing him to follow in your every footstep? Wow, I'm impressed, you actually treated him like an equal, didn't you?" Courtney taunts, and this time, it's me who's finding a comment digging under her skin.
"Ugh, not like I had a choice or anything! That nerdling basically forced the two of us to work together for a while, after he went and got Duncan voted off the island prematurely." I scoff, catching how Courtney's expression darkens at the mention of the delinquent.
"Excuse me?" She states, her tone making it clear she wasn't asking me to repeat myself, thankfully. "He forced you to work with him? How did that..." She hesitates, seeming to have more on her mind than just this question. "...That ogre kissing Gwen force you into working with him? How does that have anything to do with you in the slightest?"
"Because, Courtney, that boyfriend of yours getting voted off threw a wrench into all of my plans for the future!" I exclaim, ignoring the flash of anger in Courtney's expression as I huff in annoyance. "I was going to try and use him and his little alliance with the other morons off the Killer Bass as leverage to run this game like I did before. But then that know-it-all went and screwed it all up by giving Duncan that awful advice of his, meaning I had to come up with a plan B, and that plan B turned into me being forced into working alongside that bookworm for the sake of my own safety in the game!" I explain to the C.I.T., my tone of voice insinuating that she should have figured this all out by herself, which she should have, given how she thinks that she's so much smarter than she really is.
"...So that's it then? You and him are just...stuck together in an alliance?" She asks, before cutting me short. "An alliance that you have no interest in continuing on with, but are forced into for the sake of your own safety in this game?"
"Ugh, yes! Is that really so difficult for you to understand now, Courtney?" I exasperatedly respond, wanting this conversation to be done and over with; But then...Courtney smirks.
I'm not sure why it bothers me, the way that she smirks at this, but the way she stands up so straight and well-adjusted, before striding over to my side of the girls' cabin and standing in front of me with that same self-assured smirk lining her face, it's enough to get me up onto my feet, my wedges giving me just the slightest bit of height difference over the smug looking C.I.T.
"Good." She says simply, that smirk not changing, as our gazes meet one another. "Have fun with your alliance then, Heather, for however long that lasts..."
With that, I am left in a state of stunned confusion, as Courtney saunters her way toward the door of the girls cabin, unlocks it, and takes her leave, leaving me alone once more, and with a lot more questions than answers.
-0-
I still don't get it; Why was she so adamant on making sure the two of us were just in an alliance together? Did she really think that the two of us were actually...together?
"Bleugh, way to make me feel sick just thinking about that, Courtney."
Really though, having to put together why she felt the need to force me back onto my bunk and lock me in the cabin with her for the sake of confirming all that? It's been nagging at me pretty much all day, and worse yet? I couldn't even speak with that know-it-all after the challenge had concluded, because he was busy 'hanging out' with that loser musician and the blubbering oaf who both should've been worrying about their own safety at the ceremony, rather than congratulating that know-it-all on some lucky break for tonight's challenge.
I mean, it's not like I needed to talk to him or anything - the two of us convening to make sure the party dude got voted out is fine enough for me. But still, after what went down with Courtney, I was hoping to at least get his attention after the ceremony happened, but nooooo, goth girl and preppy have to make it about themselves, and argue for the whole night, forcing him to choose sides between the two; Like he's really important to either of their strategies!
...Then again, maybe the two of them are important to his strategy? Would explain why he's bothering with continuing to speak with them regularly. Lord knows that's the only reason I've been putting up with him recently. I mean, this is just a game - he probably sees us talking as him manipulating me into giving him a free ride or whatever, as if the two of us were still a part of an alliance.
"Which we aren't."
It was all just a one-time thing. Just me being desperate enough to do something really, really stupid, and wind up throwing away part of my plans in the process of doing so. Besides, it's his fault that I had to get rid of Lindsay! If he had actually participated instead of getting out of a challenge without doing anything, then the three of us could've made sure that I got invincibility, while some other loser got kicked off and sent off this miserable excuse for a summer resort.
...Okay, sure, Lindsay might have been dumber than a bag of rocks, and had been really getting on my last nerve the past couple of weeks, but at least she was useful. She knew how to follow orders, and she didn't try to back-talk to me like that dumb know-it-all always does!
"See? This is why we've been off our game ever since merge hit. We should be focusing on the next upcoming challenge, instead of fixating on that nerdling and the mistake we made by keeping him in this competition!"
And there it goes, looping all the way back to that very first mistake. I rarely make mistakes - that's just the person I am. But when I make a mistake, I am immediately able to recognize when I did...and keeping Noah around? That's a mistake that haunts me, each and every day. I knew I shouldn't have helped him; I should've just let him be nothing more than a one-note wonder, having him come back, give a bit of snark, and let him walk off The Dock of Shame again. But...at the time, he seemed to be so useful. Way more useful than Lindsay ever was! I mean, hello? Someone with an actual brain on the island was willing to owe me a favor for me to use whenever I saw fit, and in exchange I got to eliminate one of the most obnoxious, loudmouthed, aggravating contestants I ever had the displeasure of meeting on this show? DUH, of course I'm going to take that! Voting off Leshawna alone was more valuable than any of the so-called 'bonding' that Lindsay and I did over the course of this entire competition!
Not to mention that, for once, there was finally someone on this island who was worthwhile for me to strategize around without ripping my luxurious hair out bit by bit in the process! I mean, sure, someone like Courtney or even the rage-o-holic might be smart enough in their own right, but aside from them being on the opposite team that I was, they're also super competitive, and would've probably tried usurping me at every chance they got. But Noah? Oh, oh with him it seemed so easy. Just have him work with me on who to eliminate, then keep him following along until I wanted to cut him loose; He gets his free ride through the merge, and in exchange I get a consistent vote for whoever I wanted. But instead, that dweeb makes me...he makes me...beg for him to help me, and nearly refuses that as well, until I basically throw myself at his feet, and let him take the lead of the alliance, costing me my only remaining follower in the process!
And now...now I'm all alone, basically coasting on luck alone, and yet that dumb, idiotic, self-centered know-it-all...keeps talking to me as if the two of us are still aligned together!
"I just don't get it!" I exclaim in sheer frustration, before looking around the room to check if the others had heard me; Judging by Courtney's unmoving form and Gwen's sobs having finally come to a close a couple minutes ago, I turn onto my side and grumble to myself, letting my mind continue its internal pacing while figuring out what the hell I'm going to do about this damn bookworm problem I have.
"You know, BESIDES cut him loose from the game finally and win the hundred grand that we've deserved ever since arriving here."
With a small semblance of resolve building within me, I nod silently to myself: Tomorrow. Tomorrow will be when I settle this. I'm going to march up to Noah, and confront him over why he's been talking to me like the two of us are still in an alliance together. Then, once that's done, I'm going to...to...I'm going to...
Ugh, it doesn't matter what I do after that; What matters is, this will be settled, and I'll be back to being at the top of my game. And once that happens? Chris might as well hand me the hundred grand right here and now, because nobody is going to stop me from winning this competition, no matter what these other weaklings try to put me through.
(Noah's POV)
...You know, sometimes you can just tell when a day is going to suck; Today just happens to be one of them.
From the moment my mind's awake, I can hear the sighing of a certain musician, playing on repeat; Blinking the sleep out of my eyes, I see him sitting on the edge of his bunk, looking longingly at some picture, and quite honestly? I don't have the patience to deal with this. I don't have the time to be playing counselor for this one again, and after how our last conversation went down? I'm not exactly keen on going through that emotional rollercoaster for the second or third go-around since coming back to the island.
Without even sparing a second look to the musician, I throw on my typical attire, and head on out the door, only to stumble and nearly trip down the stairs because of a certain BFG who's sitting on the steps.
"Woah! Sorry man, you okay?" DJ asks me as I barely catch my footing mere moments before disaster; I miraculously manage to resist the urge of rolling my eyes, knowing that I have to appear somewhat friendly to the giant.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Just lost my footing." I reply, biting my tongue as DJ gets to his feet.
"Oh, sorry man. Was probably in the way a bit." He apologizes once more, as I take the time to dust myself off and look up towards my...ally(?).
"Yeah, just a bit." I sarcastically remark, letting the situation come to a soft reset before continuing. "So, what's got you down in the dumps, then? Seems everyone-" I make a not-so-subtle jerk of my head towards the door, motioning towards Trent, "is feeling all down, or whatever. So what gives with you?"
"Ah...you know. Just...wonderin'." DJ says, leaving things a bit more open-ended than I expected.
"Wondering?" I ask, an eyebrow raised in suspicion. "About what?"
"Ah, it's...it's nothin'." DJ shakes his head. "Just been thinkin' about the game is all." He says, clearly trying to brush it under the rug, but my curiosity remains unsated, and DJ knows it; Sitting back down onto the steps, I move to join him, giving his misery a bit of company as he glances over, sighing in a similar fashion to the musician left inside. "It's about Geoff; I don't know if voting him last night was the right thing to do, man."
Taking a moment to soften my gaze, I cross one leg over the other in a mock-therapist posture, before placing a hand on the shoulder of the gentle giant.
"It's just that...this whole 'gettin' revenge on people' thing. It don't feel right, man. Me and Geoff, we were tight, you know?" I nod, biting my tongue in not correcting him on the usage of 'me and Geoff'. "But after what happened during the challenge, and how he still dropped me off that cliff-" Abruptly, DJ is cut off by my own failure to hide my shock, choking on my spit as my eyes widen at this nugget of information.
"He did WHAT?!" I ask aloud, both horrified and a little bit impressed at the guts it must have took Geoff to do such a dumb action.
"-I just felt like I'd done everything I could, man. I tried to break through to him, but he just..." DJ trails off, completely ignoring my dumbstruck expression, leaving me...rather confused, to say the least.
"...So let me get this straight." With a deep breath, and my hands put together in a mock-praying position, I exhale out onto my fingertips, gently rocking my hands back and forth in the process. "You tried to talk some sense into Geoff during last night's challenge, only for him to ignore it, and then send you falling off the edge of a cliff...and you're the one who's feeling bad because of it?" I ask incredulously, only for the big guy to nod his head acceptingly.
"I mean, I was tryin' my best to get through to him, man! But after I voted him off, I thought things would get better for me. I thought that...I thought the world would get a bit lighter on me, man, but it seems just as heavy as before. Mama always said that if you do the right thing, then things will get lighter on you, but now..." DJ turns away, looking down at his own hands for a brief moment, before letting his chin settle into his palms. "I don't know if I did the right thing or not."
...Understandably, this takes me a couple seconds to truly process. On the one hand, DJ's going through a hell of a mental crisis, and helping him through it would guarantee me an ally for the remainder of this game, and with it being as late into the game as it already is, having a guaranteed ally would be almost as valuable as the hundred grand itself. On the other hand, if the final two does turn out to be a popular vote from all the people currently getting to live it up at the Playa Des Losers, then having DJ as my opponent would be a guarantee for me to lose, no matter what I do for the rest of the game.
It's a lose-lose situation, no matter which way I look at it; Either I lose out on a great ally, or I risk losing the hundred grand if he doesn't somehow end up being voted off before the finale can happen.
Sighing, I close my eyes for a brief moment, trying to maintain a sense of neutrality, and I open them up once more, matching DJ's gaze with my own. "Do you think that you and Geoff could have rekindled your friendship? After everything you've been through?" I ask, wanting nothing more than to cut to the chase and get this conversation over with.
"I...I don't know, man. Mama always told me that everyone deserves a second chance, but-"
"But you don't know if Geoff truly deserves one or not, do you?" I cut him off, receiving a nod in response; Closing my eyes once more, and taking another breath, I turn my body fully towards DJ. "DJ, sometimes you have to think for yourself instead of relying on what those around you are trying to tell you." I say, barely hiding my smirk from the irony of me telling him this after basically asking me for help on this matter at hand. "Regardless of what your mother says, or what I say, or what anyone else on this whole entire island has to say about the connection that was shared between yourself and the party boy," I continue on, "do you, DJ, think that you and him could have rekindled your friendship together?"
For a few seconds, everything goes silent; The world around me seems to stop, time grinding to a halt, as I remain in this position for what feels like an eternity, before DJ turns around to face me, and then suddenly rises to his feet.
"...Thanks, Noah." He says, before walking off from the cabin, leaving me in a state of confusion; One even greater than the one I had when I dove head-first into this conversation in the first place.
"...Well, glad I could be of service to you." I sarcastically grumble to myself in my head. "Oh no, no need for an answer of anything, I'll just sit here and wait for you to go make it up to him over on Playa Des Losers, no problem." I continue on, walking off towards the mess hall for my daily serving of 'breakfast'...
-0-
...And just as I get inside, my eyes lock onto the pair of Courtney and Gwen sitting together, each of them now looking at me, and inviting me to come sit with them. Just...great.
Walking past the both of them, I quickly grab myself a couple of the pre-packaged items that are normally laid out for us on non-challenge days - which, to be fair, are still better than Chef's 'cooking' - and return back to the two girls that I, most recently, betrayed during the last challenge, with neither of them really speaking to me, before Gwen and I had our walk through the woods, and then...that happened...yeah.
"Hey there, Noah." Gwen tries to greet me, having shifted herself enough to give me a spot between her and Courtney...to which I take, but only begrudgingly so, after an internal debate on whether I should just sit elsewhere from the both of them.
"Hello, Noah. I take it you had a good sleep, given your invincibility from last night?" Courtney asks, and while I can't say I wasn't expecting it, what does surprise me is the not-so-subtle head shaking from Gwen that I catch out of the corner of my eye, followed by Courtney taking a breath. "I mean, glad to see you again, friend."
"Uh huh," I drone, opening up one of the probably stale muffins that I grabbed, "so, no hard feelings about yesterday's challenge then, Courtney?" I ask sarcastically, watching as she steels her gaze, takes a deep breath...
"...No hard feelings, Noah." And suddenly forgives me, as the breath gets released and she gives a smile towards me?
"...Huh." I look at her for a few seconds, having definitely expected for her to-
"Just know that I will get you back for what you did to me sometime in the near future." And there is what I was expecting from her in the first place; Although, once again, my expectations are subverted, as Gwen pulls my attention away from the C.I.T.
"For what it's worth, I don't hold it against you; It was just a part of the game." The goth adds in, Courtney now being the one giving an odd look from the edge of my vision. "Besides, if anyone was going to be the killer, other than me obviously, I'm glad that it was you."
"...What?"
That...leaves me baffled, as it does Courtney, the both of us seeming stuck trying to understand what Gwen means, only for the goth to suddenly cut in, having realized her error.
"I mean, because you were the only one out of all of us that actually seemed to appreciate the horror genre! You're the only other person here who gets it!" She explains, and a look of understanding crosses my face as I nod along, finally connecting the dots as to what exactly she meant by what she had previously said to me.
"So, you don't think that I would have made for a good killer then, Gwen?" Courtney jumps in, leaving me really regretting getting caught between the two of them right about now.
"No! I never said that, Courtney. All I'm trying to say is that Noah has an understanding of what makes for good or bad horror flicks; It's what made him into such a convincing killer." The goth explains to Courtney, although it doesn't seem to do much to dissuade my girlfriend's annoyance at what it is she's implying here.
"And? I could have been a good killer if Chris picked me to be one! I was the one voted as 'most likely to pull off a successful murder' by the middle school horror committee back during the eighth grade." Courtney exclaims, throwing both Gwen and myself for a loop with that nugget of information, as I look at her in confusion over just how prideful she is of this 'accomplishment'.
"And why exactly do you sound like this was as important as it is for you to consistently make the honor roll?" I ask the all-important question, Gwen muttering a silent 'thank you' behind me for saving her the trouble of doing so herself.
"Because it means that they recognized that, provided I was given a sufficient enough motive, I would be the only one determined enough to do so, and the only one with the ability to ensure that not only am I successful in this endeavor, but that I would be able to make sure that there are no witnesses around to see me commit such a heinous act in the first place." The C.I.T. explains, leaving both Gwen and I to look over at one another, blinking a couple of times, before turning back to Courtney with full knowledge of this information now, and no way to get rid of it.
"...Right." I drawl, still looking on with a bit of concern, as the imagery of her quote-unquote 'finding a sufficient motive' flashes through my mind, turning that 'bit' of concern into a whole lot of it in a scant few moments.
"Oh, come off it already, you two." Courtney huffs out in annoyance. "It's not like I'd ever do that to you two! I mean, Gwen's one of the only ones that I can tolerate around here anymore, and Noah is my b-"
Abruptly, Courtney stops mid-sentence, an intake of breath thankfully muffling my own, as I try to stay as calm as possible from Courtney's near-slip of the tongue; Not wanting to give any sort of indication to Gwen about what it was she was about to say, despite the goth looking to me as if she knows I hold the answers to it, I set my eyes onto her own and give the best look of confusion I can muster, before an abrupt clearing of a throat draws my attention back over to the C.I.T.
"I mean, he's my...best...friend. My best friend on the island. I just...didn't want to give him any bigger of an ego than he already has, alright?" Courtney asks, agitation prevalent, although I know it's not directed at myself; For that, I let a small smile slip onto my own expression as I let myself relax, mockingly throwing an arm over her shoulder just to torment her a bit further.
"Right, because that must have been so difficult for you to say to me, princess." I reply, letting out a laugh at the C.I.T.'s expense as Gwen struggles to do the same.
"See, Gwen? This, this is why I didn't want to tell him that!" She bitingly snaps back at me, before turning her attention towards me in full. "Besides, you're only my best friend because someone had to go and vote Bridgette off the island last week!"
At that, my laughter stops, as I turn towards Gwen, anticipating her own reaction...but, oddly enough? She doesn't seem to give one to that, instead still laughing at my comment towards Courtney from earlier, much to my relief. As she settles down, however, I find something moving in the corner of my eye, and look to find Heather standing in the doorway to the mess hall, looking at the three of us...or, more specifically, looking at me with a small, yet extraordinarily cocky grin lining her face. With neither Courtney nor Gwen seeming to take notice as of yet, I sigh as I stand up, drawing both of their attention back towards me, as I roll my eyes in annoyance from there being yet another matter for me to attend to before I can get some peace and quiet all to myself.
"Sorry, I have to go and deal with the wicked witch of the west for a little while." I quip, knowing full well that said wicked witch can hear me say this. "If I don't come back, then I trust you two can write my obituary for me." With that and a small laugh from the goth in response to my comments, I finally walk off from the table, leaving behind what remains of my 'breakfast' for both of them to enjoy, as I find Heather beckoning me over, only for her to walk away from me once I draw close enough to the queen bee.
-0-
"God, you really want to keep me busy today, don't you..." I mutter beneath my breath as I follow along, letting Heather lead me along past both of the cabins, and off from the main area in general, as instead she brings me deep into the woods, the place looking oddly familiar to me, given how it seems to be almost the same as-
"Oh, Goddamnit..." I mentally groan, finding myself in the same spot I was in the night prior, complete with the same exact fallen log as the one I sat at the night prior. And of course, this is where Heather comes to a stop, turning around to face me without a word, that same stupid grin lining her face, as if she knows how much of a waste of time this is turning out to be for me-, wait, scratch that, she definitely knows this is a waste of my time; That's probably what's getting her to grin like she's won something.
Still refusing to speak to me, I let out a sigh, knowing full well what the queen bee is playing at: She wants me to be the one to make the first move here. I know that this is dangerous, especially considering the fact I'm face-to-face with the only person on the island who might be even more treacherous when it comes to playing this game than I am, but my patience is wearing thin, and if I have to wait any longer for her to say something, I might as well just give up and walk away right now.
"...Ugh, fine," I drawl out, an annoyed huff escaping as I do so, "what do you want, Heather?" I ask, feeling more and more like I should have given up, considering how she's still smirking.
"Oh, nothing much." She says with that damned grin still on her face.
"Really? Then what was with you leading me all the way out here, away from everyone else then? Or what about how you clearly wanted me to make the first move, as if I'm falling into some trap that you've set." I ask, and while it looks like the facade's about to break...it surprisingly stays resilient, her composure being maintained, despite my typical snarky attitude.
That annoys me, far more than that stupid grin on her face; Has she really gotten so used to me by now that she doesn't even flinch at my usual scathing remarks? Maybe I should up my game...
"Oh, I just wanted to have a little chat with you, Noah; Nothing serious." She dismisses, a wave of her hand making it out like this really isn't important in the slightest.
"Alright, then what do you want to talk about? In case you weren't watching, which - given your little stalker stare back in the mess hall earlier - you obviously were, I was kind of in the middle of something, and would like to get back to the cabins; Not to go back in the middle of that, heavens no, but there's a book I haven't had the chance to read in a while, and a cabin that'll hopefully be emptied, given that the musician finally stopped being sad over some picture he was staring at earlier." I fire off, purposefully putting a bit of venom on my words this time around, not wanting to deal with her smirk anymore, while part of me also is hoping to break through that facade of hers a bit, and make sure I still got the same bite that I always do.
"What do you think you're playing at, Noah?!" Heather finally cuts back in, her grin fading away in an instant, much to my relief, only for that relief to get replaced, confusion flooding my features.
"Playing at?" I think aloud, Heather's glare sharpening.
"Yeah. Playing at. What are you doing, Noah? Talking to me, acting all friendly around me, what's the big idea?" Heather asks, and...the feeling of this being a trap settles into my mind once again.
But...this is way too obvious, isn't it? She wouldn't be pulling something so simple on me, would she?
"You're really wondering why we - as in, the two of us, together - are regularly speaking to one another?" I ask, hoping for some sort of confirmation out of her, but when she says nothing, I take a deep breath. "Aren't we supposed to be in an alliance? Isn't that what people in alliances do? Talk to each other, plot about who to eliminate, stuff like that?" I sarcastically chime in...but Heather shows no further signs of offense at this line of questioning.
"Alliance? Who said anything about an alliance?" Heather questions coyly. "I thought that our alliance was over with, after Bridgette got voted off. After all, I did you a favor by kicking off Leshawna, and then you did me a favor in return, saving me from elimination by getting Bridgette out instead. By my count, that puts us even."
As Heather shrugs her shoulders, I'm left trying to understand just what exactly Heather's now playing at. Since when was she confident enough in her game that she would be willing to throw away an alliance between the two of us? We are at the final six, yes, but immunity is never a guarantee; One slip-up from the queen bee could see her voted off, especially given who's left. Gwen and Trent are almost auto-locks for voting off Heather, Courtney's not her biggest fan, DJ's a total wildcard, and Owen is stuck following me through these ceremonies like a lost puppy; In short, there's no way in Hell that Heather really considers those odds to be in her favor compared to if she continues to work with me...and that's when it hits me.
Of course that's why she is acting like this doesn't bother her; She wants me back in her debt somehow! That's why she's acting so coy, why she's acting like this whole 'alliance' between us is over with. She wants me to admit to needing her as much as she clearly needs me, that way it feels like she's still in control of this alliance, and thus, of this game. Well, why not just call her on her bluff, then? Would be nice to get at least some enjoyment out of this onslaught of a day thus far...
"You know what? You're right." I coolly retort. "The two of us are all evened up. We both got rid of a person each for each other, so there isn't any real reason for the two of us to still be speaking to each other like this." With that, I mockingly snap a finger gun off at Heather, before turning to take my leave-
"THEN WHY THE HELL ARE YOU STILL TALKING WITH ME THEN?!"
"...What?"
"Didn't you hear what Lindsiot said to me before?! She thought that the two of us were dating, because of how much time we were spending together!" Heather exclaims, forcing me to turn around, stunned.
"Where the hell did THIS come from?" I think to myself, trying and failing to put together the context clues that were present in this conversation thus far, all to try and justify how this came completely out of a whole different ballpark, let alone from left field.
"Y-Yeah, of course I heard her, Heather." I answer, rolling my eyes, resorting to my natural defenses solely for the reason of not knowing how to respond to this otherwise.
"Then why do you keep talking to me?!" Heather growls out, striding up to me and getting in my face about this. "Why do you keep helping me in challenges? Why do you keep acting like I'm not some dead girl walking, like everyone else on this island has, ever since you forced me to get Lindsay eliminated in the bike race?!" And again, Heather puts me on the backfoot, as she finally lets the point of her questioning slip out. "What the HELL is this game plan of yours that REQUIRES you to KEEP TALKING TO ME?!"
...
...
...
...Game plan?
Was...was there really a game plan for me helping her out for so long?
I...I hadn't thought about it, in all honesty. I just...kind of did it. I always assumed there was some benefit to doing so, sure, but...what was the reason behind it? To keep an extra vote in my back pocket? I had 'friendships' with everyone still around for the game that we are playing. Courtney, DJ, Gwen, Owen...the only one I wasn't truly friends with was Trent, but as long as I had Gwen on my side, that meant he couldn't go for me. So...why would I keep Heather?
She was a constant thorn in my side, fighting against my every decision, forcing me to think on my feet and come up with solutions on the fly to problems that, in all actuality, she was the cause of. She made me work for invincibility, rather than just coast through the voting of my alliances, and she constantly kept me guessing on whether I'd survive or not without them. She made this game feel like...well, a game, an actual competition for me to play in, rather than just another novella for me to read through, where the ending could be ascertained by the time it's halfway through.
But...that doesn't mean I had to keep her around so long, does it? I mean, what if she gets to the finale? If it turns out to be a vote, then that's an easy win for me...but what if it isn't a vote? What if it isn't determined by the losers from the merge-onwards? What then? Do I just...do I just lose to her? Do I come up short, and let the most hated person on the island come away with the hundred grand?
Or what if she doesn't make it? Does that mean I wasted a good chunk of my game on protecting an asset I didn't need? Does that mean I just kept Heather around for what basically amounts to 'the fun of it'? Why would I do that? Why would I keep someone around for so long, without any actual rhyme or reasoning behind it?
"I..." I try to speak, only to pause for a moment to stall, to see if I can find a last-minute answer to these questions that would satisfy my own curiosity behind this problem I have created; Yet, no matter how much I think on it, and no matter what answer I come up with, it just...doesn't feel right to me.
It feels so...hollow, like I'd be giving her an answer for the sake of it. I'd be lying to her-, I'd be lying to myself. There isn't an easy answer to this, there isn't a rhyme or reason. There's just...nothing, nothing at all to explain the method to this madness that I have unleashed upon myself here at camp.
So, as I let my shoulders slouch forward and my posture slump along with it, I look down to the ground for a couple seconds, before forcibly picking myself up to look at her; For the first time since coming back to this island, I didn't have the answers to this...so, I reply with the only thing I could truly think of saying.
"I...I don't know."
(Heather's POV)
"He...he doesn't know?"
My jaw drops, the nerdling muttering out another "I don't know" in repetition, as if saying it again would make it sound any better to my ears, but by that point...I've lost it.
I thought...I thought that he had some big plan, some grandiose idea behind keeping me in the game for longer than he truly had any right to. I know I shouldn't be here, I should've been eliminated - multiple times over, as a matter of fact. And yet, every time I was at risk of going home, he did something to help me; Whether it be helping me in getting rid of Leshawna, or saving me by voting off Bridgette, or giving me immunity, he's always been around to help me, somehow...and I absolutely hate it.
I hate feeling like I'm this weak girl for him to rescue! I hate feeling like I'm no longer in control of my own destiny here at camp! I hate feeling like I'm powerless to stop all this from happening in the first place! I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT!
I HATE FEELING LIKE I'M BEING STRUNG ALONG LIKE THIS! I HATE FEELING LIKE I'M THE ONE SUFFERING FOR ALL OF THIS, DESPITE NOT DOING ANYTHING! I HATE SPENDING ALL THIS TIME WONDERING, DREAMING ABOUT ALL THE THINGS THAT THESE THINGS COULD ALL MEAN, ONLY FOR IT TO TURN OUT THAT HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW?! HOW DOES HE NOT KNOW?! HOW DOESN'T HE KNOW HOW THE THINGS HE DOES HAVE AFFECTED ME SO BADLY?! HOW ISN'T HE AWARE OF HOW AWFUL IT FEELS TO BASICALLY RELY ON HIM FOR EVERY LITTLE THING THAT HAPPENS IN THIS GAME, WHEN I SHOULD BE THE ONE RUNNING THINGS AROUND HERE?! IT SHOULD BE ME! ME! ME! ME!
I SHOULD BE RUNNING THINGS AROUND HERE! I SHOULD BE THE ONE IN CONTROL! I SHOULD BE THE ONE LEADING PEOPLE ON AND LEAVING THEM WONDERING JUST WHAT I HAVE IN STORE! I SHOULD BE THE ONE PEOPLE ARE ABSOLUTELY HATING, BECAUSE OF HOW I SO EFFORTLESSLY RULE THINGS, AND MAKE SURE THAT THINGS ARE GOING MY WAY!
THINGS HAVE ALWAYS GONE MY WAY - ALWAYS! NO MATTER WHAT IT IS I DO, NO MATTER HOW AWFUL A PERSON I AM, I'VE ALWAYS BEEN THE ONE WHO GETS THEIR WAY IN LIFE! NO MATTER WHAT THE SITUATION IS, NO MATTER WHAT MY RIVALS TRY TO PLAN, I'VE ALWAYS COME OUT ON TOP! AND NOW HERE, WHEN THERE'S SOMEONE - FINALLY THERE IS SOMEONE - WHO CAN STAND UP AGAINST ME, WHO CAN HOLD THEIR OWN AGAINST ME, WHO CAN MAKE ME FEEL SO WEAK, SO POWERLESS! THE ONE TIME THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENS, AND THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT IS THEY'RE DOING IN THE PROCESS?!
I...I thought that we were similar. I thought that we were one in the same. Two brilliant strategists, both with plans to use anyone and EVERYONE in our way to succeed. Two manipulative masterminds who were looking for that hundred grand, in order to use it to further their own empires, and become even more successful than they already are. I thought we were the same...but now...
Now I don't know what to think. Now I don't know what the Hell his plan truly is, because even HE doesn't know what the Hell his plan truly is! I thought we were the same as each other! I thought we were THE VILLAINS of this...this stupid reality TV show! But...but instead, he...he doesn't even realize what it is that he's doing. He's going through all of this without a single plan in his mind. He doesn't realize how badly I wanted to face him, how badly I wanted to go against him, how badly I wanted for this to be the turning point of the game that surrounds us, where we either come together in an alliance that nobody else could dream of putting an end to, or where we finally break away from each other and burn this whole place to the ground, all for the sake of creating the perfect conditions for our climactic finale. But...but now...
"I've waited...so long, to get the answer to this question here, Noah..." I barely even recognize that I'm speaking out loud, so wrapped up in my thoughts that this is almost automatic. "Waiting for something to break...waiting for something to happen. Something, anything! Just...for this to change." I draw closer to him, basically looking him dead in the eyes as I say this. "For so long, I thought that...I thought we...I thought we were the same. That we were both willing to do anything, to say anything, to use anything in our disposal to win this competition. I thought that this was going to be the turning point...but instead, you..." My breathing goes shallow, each one becoming shakier and shakier. "You aren't anything close to what I was expecting; You and me...we aren't the same, we...we haven't been thinking the same way as each other. You've just been floating...you've just been lying, you've just been flying by the seat of your pants, completely unprepared for everything that happens. All around you, things have just...just conveniently been falling into place, been lining themselves up, all for you to take advantage, all while my plans all go to waste, getting blown up by some...some hapless know-it-all whose only benefit in this game has been how ungodly lucky that he's getting!"
At this point, I'm pretty much standing right in front of him, my breath hitting his face, the same way that his does mine; It...feels strange, but I'm not getting myself distracted from the point because of it.
"I...I thought we were going to go up in flames here, Noah. I thought that we were going to burn the island down together, either as as power couple or as bitter, jaded rivals. But now..."
I stop. What does happen, now that the two of us are like this? Do we just...move on? Go our separate ways, see how the competition unfolds from there? We both know how that would go down...but do we? Does he know how that would go down? Or is he just as blind when it comes to that as he is with how he's treated me? I...I don't get it. It just...it doesn't make any sense...why doesn't it make any sense?
Why...why...why...WHY...
(Noah's POV)
"WHY DON'T YOU MAKE ANY SENSE?!" Heather roars out, jolting me back into the reality I'm faced with once again, as I instinctively step backwards, scanning for a way out...but as I do, I lock eyes with her once more, and find myself to, oddly, get rather lost in their expression.
The emotions that are swirling in her eyes are just...breathtaking, in a way; The flashes between confusion, fear, wrath, despair, even joy mixed in amongst them all, fighting for dominance within those normally calmed gray eyes of hers, it's almost...cathartic. Seeing such a naturally composed person completely fall apart and watch the dams burst inside her, it feels like such a rarity, but at the same time...I can't help but feel guilty for being the apparent cause of all this to happen. I mean, I had zero idea that this was going to happen in the first place, and I really didn't think that she cared all that much about the two of us being partners in an alliance or what have you, but...that's still how I feel about it, anyhow.
Maybe I should just leave, while I still have the chance? Leave her to her own devices, and try to focus on whatever challenge lies ahead of me come tomorrow? Or maybe I should just...- God, I don't know how to even describe this - try to...let her down gently?
"God, way to sound like every dumb jock from back in high school, Noah..."
Regardless of my own thoughts, I keep myself in place, deciding not to run away from this...and instead do perhaps the dumbest thing I possibly could ever do in this situation that I find myself in: Move in closer to the broken down, raven-haired temptress, ignoring all the various warning signs that blare out in my mind as I do so, and pull her against myself, offering a hug to the queen bee, knowing full well that I may as well be going back to the bear that I had to grab my key from and cuddling with that instead, as that will bear better results than what I'm doing right now.
(Heather's POV)
"...Is he...hugging me?"
"Why the HELL is that nerdling getting so close to us? We should stop this!"
"...Why would he be hugging me?"
"Because he wants to do more damage, obviously! This is all a part of his plan!"
"But...what would that accomplish?"
"Uh, HELLO? If we're not on our A-game, then we could end up LOSING the next challenge, and if we lose that challenge, we could be sent back home!"
"But...what if that's not what he's going for?"
"Then he's just trying to get on our good side! Clearly, the know-it-all wants us to...feel sorry for him or something, and keep him around for our alliance!"
"But didn't he say we don't have an alliance?"
"He...he was LYING, obviously! Of COURSE we have an alliance together! Why else would he be spending so much time with us?!"
"Maybe he just...wanted to be friends with us?"
"Really? Friends? With US?! You think we'd want to be friends with some...some know-it-all?! You think HE'D want to be friends with us for no reason?! There's OBVIOUSLY a catch to this!"
"What would he have to gain? We don't hold the majority. We're not in control anymore-"
"OF COURSE WE'RE IN CONTROL! WE HAVE TO BE IN CONTROL! WE'RE ALWAYS IN CONTROL! IF WE'RE NOT IN CONTROL, THEN WE-"
"Heather?" The sound of that nerdlin-, of...Noah's voice, cuts in, putting my thoughts to rest, as I feel him still holding onto me, as if afraid to let go...and that's all it takes for me to break.
As much as I hate the feeling of it...the sensation of tears rolling down my eyes is an uncontrollable one. As I collapse into his arms, I sob while hugging him tight against me, my body refusing to even consider letting go, no matter how weak it makes me feel; And as he hesitantly begins running a hand through my hair, I find my thoughts racing further, coming in faster and faster with each one that follows the previous...but for as long as I am here, I allow myself to ignore them, and just...let go, for just a little while.
"It feels...nice...not being in control..."
REMAINING CONTESTANTS: Courtney, DJ, Gwen, Heather, Noah, Owen, Trent
ELIMINATED CONTESTANTS: Ezekiel, Eva, Justin, Katie, Tyler, Izzy, Cody, Beth, Sadie, Harold, Leshawna, Duncan, Bridgette, Lindsay, Geoff