Never Hurts To Help

Chapter Four: The Pest

Welcome to chapter four!

I am aware that my chapter title was also used in DarkwingSnark and Moonbeamcat's excellent story, The Heart Of The Cards. I will give them credit gladly. I just felt that this title fit really well for this chapter, so I hope they won't mind.

What dastardly deeds have happened during the night? Read on and find out.

Sylvia woke to the crackling of the fire and a delicious smell. For a moment she felt transported back to years ago, to warm, fuzzy memories she didn't usually let herself visit, then the realization of where she was kicked it and she sat up with a start.

The sun was just coming up behind the stone overhang. The fire had been fed large and warm again, and her prisoner was bending over it, tending to something in a pan he had balanced on the flames. The handcuff was hanging from her wrist, limp and empty.

Sylvia scrambled to her feet, stalking over to the little guy. The panic of finding that he'd escaped his restraint was at war with her confusion at finding him still here anyway. She pushed through both emotions to glare at the orange alien as she advanced. At first, he didn't appear to notice her, so intent was he on whatever he was cooking, but as she came up behind him, he turned smartly to face her, tipping the pan so that several pancakes slid out and onto a plate he was suddenly holding. He held the plate out towards her, somehow already offering her a syrup bottle in his other hand.

"Mornin' friend!" He greeted with that wide, familiar smile. "You were up pretty late las' night, so I thought I'd let you sleep, but 'm glad you woke up while they're nice 'n hot! Breakfast?"

Sylvia's eyes narrowed. She hadn't meant to fall asleep at all, and she wasn't even sure why she had. She'd pulled all-nighters frequently when escorting dangerous bounties and never had that problem before. The fact that she had fallen asleep and the little alien had gotten out of his cuff and decided to make breakfast instead of making for the hills was a whole other layer of weirdness on top of that, and one she wasn't quite ready to deal with.

Instead, she looked down her snout at him, trying to put the annoying fuzzball in his place.

"I'm not going to eat that," she stated disdainfully. Her stomach gave a weak protest; the pancakes smelled amazing, but she ignored it. "As if I'd trust anything you gave me." Plus, it would feel a little strange to eat a meal prepared by someone she was going to turn over for profit. It seemed wrong somehow. She gave herself a mental shake, not sure where that thought had come from. She was suspicious of him. That was reason enough to not eat the breakfast he'd made.

Wander's face fell, the plate of pancakes drooping as his hand lowered. He looked rather like a kicked puppy, but Sylvia wasn't about to feel bad for her bounty. There was probably a lot worse in store for him than a couple of bruised feelings after all.

"Well okay, if'n you're sure." Wander seemed to collect himself, face scrunching up into a determined smile. "I c'n make you somethin' else if ya get hungry later, I suppose." Sylvia didn't bother telling him she wasn't going to eat that either. He set the pancakes carefully on a nearby rock and took a deep breath, furry chest puffing out. "Isn't it a beautiful morning? The sun almos' makes those stone towers glow. An' look!" One arm thrust out, indicating the patches of what Sylvia had taken to be weeds the night before. Tiny, star shaped flowers had opened all throughout. "Told ya we'd see some trazark flowers." He leaned towards her as though sharing a secret. "Whatcha think, my sister from another mister?"

"Okay, that's it!" Sylvia leaned forward, snatching up the little alien by the scruff of his neck, holding him so they were on the same eye level. "No more stupid nicknames," she snapped, officially out of patience. "It's Sylvia, got it brat?"

Wander still didn't look intimidated, in fact he beamed back at her scowling face as though she'd just made all his dreams come true.

"No problem, Sylvia! It sure is a pleasure to officially meet you!"

Sylvia rolled her eyes, dropping the pest to the ground. She took out the key to the handcuffs, unlocking the empty one before grabbing his arm and clicking the cuff around the fuzzy orange wrist once more. She checked it a little more thoroughly this time, making sure it was tight. There was no way he was getting out of it this time, even if he dislocated his thumb.

Her captive sat patiently while she did this, merely reaching over for the abandoned plate of pancakes and balancing them on one knee. He ate one-handed while she inspected his restraint, that same happy grin on his face the whole time.

Once she was sure Wander wasn't going anywhere, Sylvia dug her phone out of her pocket. She was beyond sick of this job. She'd take a dangerous target over the little orange headcase any day. She just wanted to call her client and find out where to meet for the handoff. She'd feel a whole lot better once the confusing little alien was gone. Big eyes watched her as she entered the number from the wanted poster. She was about to hit the 'call' button when Wander spoke up, voice still perfectly friendly.

"Ya may want to wait a few hours." Sylvia's eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"What's wrong?" she asked sarcastically. "Isn't this 'Lady Infinite' of yours anxious to see you again?"

"No, I'm certain she is," Wander seemed somewhat apologetic. "She wasn't too happy when I left the las' time. But I'm afraid she's not much of a mornin' person. Tad cold blooded, if ya know what I mean. An' she does like her privacy from what I remember. Not sure she'll want ta talk in person at all."

"Of course not." Sylvia rolled her eyes. No doubt it would be to her prisoner's benefit if she waited. It gave him more time to escape. The thought rose that he could have escaped pretty easily while she was asleep and she pushed it aside with difficulty. There must be a reason he was acting this way; she just couldn't figure out what it was yet.

She pressed the button and waited, listening to a strange, buzzing ring tone on the other end. She expected someone to pick up, but instead the buzzing stopped abruptly as though her phone had disconnected. There was a ping and she looked down to see a new message on the screen. Send picture. "Great," Sylvia muttered under her breath. It seemed the little weirdo was right, about this at least.

She clicked on the camera icon, turning slightly to snap a picture of her captive. He smiled widely when he saw what she was doing, lifting his free hand to wave at the camera. At least the picture looked like him. She sent it and waited for only a moment before receiving a reply, as terse as the first one. It simply contained a date and location for the meetup.

"Oooo, what'd they say, Sylvia?" Wander was standing on the tip toes of his sneakers, trying to see over the edge of her phone. Sylvia closed it, slipping the device back into her pocket. She didn't answer him. It was a general rule of hers to give her bounties as little information as possible. It tended to lead to fewer problems in the long run.

Slowly she turned over the sparse instructions in her mind. Three days from now at planet Quarth in the Jarton Cluster. It wasn't a bad timeframe in theory. It gave her a little time to secure a transport of some kind given her ship had been crushed into an infinitely small mass, and she probably would need that time to find a ride that would be discreet, or to simply steal something suitable, not to mention travel through several solar systems to get to her destination. That was all well and good, but it also meant she would be obliged to spend several more days with the little furry pain. She couldn't even negotiate a closer location since her client had decided to play coy and refused to take her call.

Sylvia gave an internal sigh, adjusting to the new set of problems she was faced with. For starters, she had to get herself and her captive off planet, and that meant they'd need to return to town. The town that had been full of other bounty hunters just yesterday. She doubted they'd all decided to go home when their extremely valuable target had disappeared from the inn, and there were probably plenty more in the town proper that she hadn't seen, especially if any rumors had spread about him. She might have to get something to disguise them both, which depended on how cooperative the little alien was going to be. She glanced over to where Wander was now roasting a marshmallow over the fire and humming softly. He'd been pretty cooperative so far, she grudgingly admitted to herself. It was more his attitude than his actions that was getting on her nerves.

"Hey you!" She gave their joined arms a tug, causing him to turn and look at her. "Get up. We're leaving."

"Sure thing, Sylvia!" Wander stood, sweeping his large, green hat off his head and feeling inside it. He produced a watering can which he sprinkled over the flames. "Wouldn't want the fire to spread," he explained when she stared at him.

Sylvia would have been impatient, but she was more focused on where the watering can had come from, and where it went when he dropped it back into his hat before putting it back on his head. Was that where the dishes, syrup and all the other stuff had come from? He wasn't wearing a backpack or anything, after all. Wasn't all that heavy on top of his head? Dismissing her confusion, she turned abruptly, stalking off through the wasteland and leaving Wander to follow or get dragged along by the wrist. She could hear him walking behind her. He was talking again, going on about what a lovely day it was for a walk, and she did her best to ignore it. Just think of it like a droning insect, she told herself, background annoying.

She didn't bother to ask him any of the questions that were still there in the back of her mind. Questions about whether he really carried everything in his hat, and why he hadn't escaped during the night. She didn't need to know anything about him, she told herself firmly. In a few days she'd never see him again. Any answers he could give her wouldn't matter after that.

They walked for a while, Sylvia heading in the general direction of town, but keeping some form of cover within reach as much as she could. She saw no one else out here, which only meant she'd been correct that this was the place to go if you needed privacy. The locals must not be big fans of the place. Wander on the other hand…

Sylvia shook the fuzzy hand off of hers for what felt like the tenth time. Wander couldn't go two steps without exclaiming over some new 'amazing' thing he saw, and he'd started putting his hand on hers or clutching her arm when he got particularly excited. Sylvia had snapped at him the first few times, but she'd given up by now. The little alien seemed completely incapable of taking a hint.

The walls of the town were visible now in the distance, so Sylvia pulled them both behind another rock tower to think.

"All right," she said in a voice which was far more patient than she thought her prisoner deserved at this point. "We're heading into town now, and you're going to be quiet and do exactly what I say, got it?"

Wander looked surprised. He cocked his head a little, smoothing down the hairs on his chin with one hand as he thought.

"Isn't that a little dangerous?" he asked. "Weren't you worried 'bout someone attackin' us?" Since when did he know about that? "Besides," he started. "If'n you jus' need a ride off-planet…"

"Just leave that to me," Sylvia cut him off. She wasn't comfortable taking advice from her captive. Even assuming he wasn't trying something to escape, which admittedly he really didn't seem like he was, he still didn't seem like someone you asked for advice about anything practical. "All you have to do is be quiet and obedient, or else!" She tried to make that last part intimidating, but she wasn't sure she succeeded. She really couldn't do much to him, and he hadn't seemed intimidated by her since the first moment she'd captured him.

Sure enough, Wander just shrugged amiably.

"Okay," he agreed.

They started off again, Sylvia veering to the right, heading for the wall rather than the gate. She didn't want to be seen re-entering the town if she could help it. Wander followed behind her, silent for once, but still smiling; she could see it out of the corner of her eye. Just a few more days, Sylvia told herself. Then you can get rid of the little guy and take a vacation. It wasn't as comforting a thought as it should be. Those three days were going to feel awfully long, she knew it.

Thanks for reading!

I have a whole character for Lady Infinite now that's kind of crept up on me, but I'm still not sure whether we'll actually see her in this story. I'll have to see how far we get in that direction.

I wonder if Wander's rules for getting out of his restraints are similar to Roger Rabbit's, i.e. only when it's funny. It does seem to work that way in the show.

And Wander knows Sylvia's name now. It only took annoying her for an evening and a bit of the morning for her to tell him. That's progress!

See you next time!