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Chapter 21

"Remember, don't try to reject those darker parts of yourself. It is an impossible task that only makes things worse. Frustration is as normal as love. Hate, anger, and fear can be transformed into confidence, determination, and caution. They can give you the wisdom and strength to find yourself."

Anakin launched through the pines of trees before passing through a small cave, sweat crossing his face.

His first lessons hadn't been in any lightsaber combat or going to fight bad guys, but instead, he had started on Dagobah with the concepts of using the Force.

Being a child who worked a lot, Anakin was eccentric to the point of exasperation. It was a telltale sign that he didn't like staying in one place for long and wanted to stay on his feet. So his mentor adapted to this quite quickly, giving him grueling tasks that tired the kid out by the end of the day. It was just something that Anakin was used to, and the older man understood that he had to get out of that mindset.

After five more times or so, Anakin jumped up to another nearby tree and slipped off his own feet. Bantha poodoo! He clawed for air for several seconds, looking for something to balance himself.

He failed!

He descended through the air and was unable to prevent a scream from coming from his throat. An invisible hold gripped him, halting his fall, before placing him onto the ground gently.

The hooded figure walked up and wrapped his arms around the young boy. Anakin always loved that about him. His willingness to provide physical touch without pain... "...Anakin, are you alright?"

The younger nodded with a sigh and looked down in shame. "I'm sorry for failing you."

"Success is not final; failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts." Luke replied compassionately. "Understand?"

Anakin nodded. He didn't, but he couldn't allow Luke to know that. He'd still partially feared he would be sent back. It was as if destiny tied them together.

"Yes, Luke."

Luke sighed, "I understand you were a slave-"

Irritation bubbled. Anakin scowled. "I'm a person and my name is Anakin!"

Luke nodded. "You are a person, and I will always be happy that you acknowledge that."

Anakin's eyebrows furrowed, but the older man continued.

"However, you mustn't feel like you are obligated to succeed because of your past. You cannot let your trauma define you as a person."

"Trauma?" Anakin repeated the word.

"Anakin, anyone who's been through what you have, it's understandable if you have outbursts and issues following that. Oftentimes, trauma can be a motivation for strength, but you mustn't be reliant on people alone. You have your own abilities. You're special, Anakin, and the last thing I want to see is you feeling like you have to succeed at everything or bubbling up emotions. That's what the Sith does, and it never works."

Anakin nodded. That would seem like it would be hard to do. But Luke wouldn't leave him. He hadn't done so already. He noted that he would always appreciate Luke easing him into things instead of rushing him.

"Now for homework..."

"Oh, what is it?!" the boy exclaimed eagerly. "Can I read about Revan again?!"

Luke chuckled. "Later." His face became serious. "You will be tasked with coming up with ten ways Naboo could've gone horribly wrong."

"Um, it didn't sorta," Anakin said. "Do we have to do this?"

"Challenge and diversity make us strong. Too much protection can prevent us from learning, from reaching our potential. We can learn from others, but we must also learn from our own experiences... and our own mistakes." Luke said. "What seems small now is what can teach you in the coming future."

Anakin knew this was going to take a while...

In front of the many windows in the Jedi Temple, Obi-Wan's eyes narrowed on the traffic passing through the skies for the first time since being freed from the Halls of Healing. When he had been cleared to leave the Halls of Healing after resting up, the newly found Jedi Knight had given his report respectively to the Council. He wasn't obligated to do so, Master Windu made that quite clear, but he didn't want anything that happened to limit his duties to the Council.

At least for the time being, Obi-Wan could just relax for a while. He didn't mind going on missions, but the Temple always felt safe. Some Younglings had been eyeing him, looking at the "nice surprise" across his face. Across his entire body, Force damn it.

He'd been extremely lucky. It was amazing he was still alive. Scarring littered his entire body. To think, it could have been worse too. A whole lot of bacta and sedation at least dulled the agony. Sleeping through some of the bloody process helped.

A hand was placed on his respirator, getting a slap in response. "Hey!"

And Kenobi realized he wasn't alone anymore.

For people were next to him. Quinlan, Bant, Garen, and Reeft. His childhood friends had been alongside him through all of it. They all never abandoned him, not even when he'd left for months, on Bandomeer and Melidaan and Mandalore, and before when Qui-Gon...

All of Siri's friends who weren't also his friends ignored him after they cut contact, forgetting about him.

Quinlan placed his hand on his shoulder, his face dropped in sincere concern, lacking the joy he usually had. "You're alright, Obi-Wan?"

"I will be," Kenobi replied, knowing not to underestimate Quinlan when he was like this. His use of his actual first name instead of a teasing last name was telling.

"It isn't your fault. If rumor is to be believed, you saved not only the Naboo but your Master. You're a great Jedi."

"My respirator disagrees," Obi-Wan couldn't help but bite back bitterly.

"That respirator doesn't tell who you are. You've made it out of an impossible situation," Quinlan pressed on.

About to respond, Garen beat him to the punch, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, you know Quinlan is right."

Reeft tsked. "I don't know how you're doing it, Obi-Wan. I need my meat to survive."

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. "No doubt..."

"You should have been more patient," Reeft laughed. Obi-Wan sensed he meant no harm, for his condition truly did sadden him. He was only trying to lighten his spirits.

"Kriffing lactose intolerance," Obi-Wan scoffed, but a short smile did stretch across his lips behind the respirator. "Ah, no, Reeft, I rather not eat while I'm deflecting blaster bolts. Can you say the same?"

The other Jedi huffed, "I only did that in training."

"Sure. We know you need a lot of food. It is the only way you can keep up in combat."

Bant interfered. "Don't make me drag you both to Master Che and tell her that you two are flirting again."

Oh! Please no! He had seen enough of the bloody woman already, and when Obi-Wan didn't show up for his appointment a week ago, she'd tracked him down and practically dragged him down the Temple.

"Hey!" Quinlan said with mock anger. "I'm the only one allowed to flirt with Obi here! Don't take him from me, Reeft!"

"Would have to fight with Siri about that, you Rogue." Garen laughed. "Speaking of Siri, you two should just really talk it out." He now directed this to Obi-Wan...

The man scoffed. "She hasn't changed one bit."

"She's deformed," Garen pointed out, chipper to the last. "You are too."

"Thanks..." Obi-Wan grumbled.

"She's just as moody as you are."

"Why should I care?"

"Why shouldn't you?"

"It's too late for any friendship between us..." Part of Obi-Wan actually wished it wasn't.

"Anyway, we're going to watch the latest episode of Starfighter Corp. Want to come with?" Reeft asked.

"I won't be of no use there." He sighed.

They all knew that trying to reason with Obi-Wan right now would be as successful as talking to a wall.

"Alright then, but if you change your mind, we'll be in Quinlan's quarters. If you need anything, Obi, we're all here," Garen assured.

"I'll keep that in mind."

His friends departed. Obi-Wan ached to follow them, but he stayed out, looking outside of the window. What he'd neglected to mention was that his current condition didn't matter. It was his struggle with the Dark Side. He'd looked for safety in the wrong place and found himself violating the ancient Jedi's tradition.

Now, he had to live with that for the rest of his days.

Another hour passed.

And Obi-Wan's quietness was disturbed yet again.

"Should you be up with your condition, Padawan-mine?" While the voice was a bit concerned, it lacked any humor, showing that the Master's true feelings about him wandering about. "Or should I refer to you as Knight-mine?" The tone was all teasing.

Obi-Wan sighed. "I don't deserve that honorific." He'd known that his Master had been even more overbearing since the incident.

Qui-Gon's face broke out in concern. "You're an amazing Jedi, Obi-Wan, you couldn't stop what happened. None of us could."

"Because you're my Master," he snarled, his emotions temporarily spiking. He didn't feel like a normal Jedi Knight. What type of Jedi gave into the Dark Side even temporarily after the deaths of so many, unwilling to allow his Master and the innocents with them to pass into the Force if their time had indeed expired in the galaxy?

"However, as your friend and fellow Jedi," Qui-Gon responded sympathetically, looking at him with a false sense of understanding. "It will be gone shortly."

Yet, the damn scars would remain. "I have been sleeping with the damn bloody thing for days," he responded, his voice a deep baritone. He missed life without the damn thing. The rasping noise of the respirator mask was increasingly getting on his nerves. And he was supposed to wear the bloody thing for eleven more days! "I'll live."

Qui-Gon's face remained serious until he chuckled, "You are bloody impossible to reason with sometimes, you know that?"

"Keen observation, my old Padawan, though I'll argue that he takes much after you," a rich, cultured voice cut through the air. Obi-Wan tilted his head to see the cause, finding a man with graying black hair.

"Master Dooku," Qui-Gon greeted grimly, the discomfort and unease evident.

Obi-Wan never met his Grandmaster in person, but he had heard old conversations with him. It had been years at this point, but their com-calls were something Obi-Wan used to hear whenever he was training or resting in their old quarters. When was the last time they met physically due to the rumors that spread around the Temple? Face to face? After Xanatos fell? Tahl's unfortunate passing was rumored to be a brief "I'm sorry for your loss" and nothing more. One thing the youngest Jedi there knew was that Dooku and Qui-Gon had ended their "Master-Padawan" relationship on a bad note, to be sure, but... standing here and now, just several feet away, Obi-Wan had a bad feeling about this.

Malaise sat in Obi-Wan's gut as he realized how tense the air had become. Dooku smiled as he walked up to the two and nodded. "Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan."

Qui-Gon didn't say anything further, his eyes only peering into Dooku's skull. Obi-Wan bowed as much as his body allowed him and smiled in generosity. Not that Dooku could see it.

"Nice to see you, Master Dooku."

"Master, I was not aware that you were on Coruscant during all this time," Qui-Gon said, more flatly. "Where have you been?"

"It's a long story, my young Padawan."

Obi-Wan couldn't help it. He made a snickering noise. That aggravated his lungs slightly, but he had no regrets. "Young."

"Brat," Qui-Gon reprimanded, a bit of levity in his voice.

"What are you doing here?"

"Imagine my surprise when I discovered that my Grand Padawan was injured and a politician told me," Dooku spoke harshly.

"It was none of your concern," Qui-Gon sighed. "Not like you would have cared."

"Really, you believe I wouldn't care, Qui-Gon?" Dooku snapped.

"You left me before," Qui-Gon replied.

"I didn't want to offer meaningless words," he responded.

"Well, your silence didn't help."

The older Jedi stared at him sharply, and for a moment, it seemed like a verbal argument was going to break out. Finally, he looked down and sighed. "I want to apologize, Qui-Gon. I should have never distanced myself from you as I did and left you with three Apprenticeships without consideration for how you felt."

"Three?" Sure, there was Xanatos, but was there someone else?

"Wait, you didn't tell him about Feem-" Dooku started in shock, lurching forward.

"Xanatos's failure was due to inexperience," the Jedi interrupted, narrowing his eyes.

Obi-Wan caught on. Feem? Who was Feem?

"Or I guess it's a personal failing. After all, I can't ever be successful with my Padawans..."

"Never said that, Jinn," Dooku growled. "You know damn well that you're twisting my words as usual."

Oh no...

Did his respirator have to be loud?

The middle-aged Jedi bared his teeth together. "I find it a strange 'coincidence' that you're here now when Obi-Wan is injured."

"I'm trying this, am I?" Dooku asked in complete frustration. "You never even tried to introduce us, keeping me at arms length. That is your failing."

"It's always my fault, isn't it?" the Maverick retorted.

"I didn't say that."

Qui-Gon huffed. "Rael Averross."

"Rael, oh don't tell me you've talked with him."

Qui-Gon's eyebrows disappeared from his headlines. "At times, I forget he's your Padawan, but I can see the resemblance." He added. "He's carefree, an independent spirit, he occasionally sleeps with women, knowing that as long as he doesn't fall in love with them, he won't develop attachments and is, as such, in the clear even though his other transgressions label why he should be barred from the Jedi Order. He wears dirty rags instead of traditional Jedi clothing. He acts rashly because as long as the mission is completed, who cares how it gets done? Now, who does that remind me of?"

Dooku rolled his eyes. "And Xanatos failed because he had father issues-correct?" the older man pointed out rhetorically. Oh, for Krong's sake, what were they even arguing about?! "Correct me if I'm wrong, my former Padawan, but it was you who made many mistakes following that event."

Qui-Gon wanted to obviously say something "fanciful" but he sneered and glared down at the ground for a moment, closing his eyes and allowing the anger to pass. When he reopened them, he looked at his former Master with genuine sadness, though the fury in his eyes outlined his true feelings.

"You know why I did what I did."

"Ah, yes, to remember your greatest failure is to forget some of your accomplishments ever happened. How could I have thought otherwise?" Dooku spoke in utter disappointment. "Running from your problems instead of facing them head-on. An apt description of the event, I'm sure."

Qui-Gon grumbled and shook his head. "What do you want, Dooku?"

"Find the one they are talking about in the Holonews and help free Naboo; Luke Skywalker," Dooku answered.

"That's classified information for the Jedi Council," Qui-Gon replied.

Dooku didn't listen. "Do you know who trained him?" He landed Qui-Gon with a knowing look. "I am aware that you often go against the way of the Jedi, but I felt him in a way I never felt the Force before."

Qui-Gon forced a smile. "Afraid not. He appeared from the Unknown Regions."

"Unknown Regions?" Dooku's right eyebrow shot up. "There are Jedi training that far? Interesting..."

A silence passed.

"Is he en route for a mission by the Council?" Dooku asked. When both of their eyes landed on the oldest Jedi, he continued, "I would so like to meet him."

Qui-Gon shook his head. "Maybe when he comes to Coruscant..."

"His views are controversial," Obi-Wan said, his voice muffled by the respirator. "Trust me, I know this from personal experience."

"You've talked with him?" Qui-Gon asked, eyes widened in surprise.

"Before the battle," he shrugged, "we had discussed the ways of the Jedi." He didn't want to go into deeper detail about the detail of their conversation because if Qui-Gon discovered that he hadn't ever gotten over Siri, it would be another nightmare Obi-Wan would have to deal with, and truth be told, Luke's knowledge gave him much to think about.

"Obi-Wan..." Qui-Gon stressed.

"Seems like he takes after you in terms of knowing someone he just met," Dooku snorted. "These are just like the old days!" The old man laughed. "Oh, did Qui-Gon ever tell you the time when he fell into a pool of-"

"Not this story again," Qui-Gon said with false dreariness, his lips curling, "you promised you would let it go."

"Letting you off the hook that easily, you know I can't just do that," Dooku quipped.

"You're both old," Obi-Wan said in a sing-song voice. "How very exciting."

A tense silence of wills before laughter broke out.

"Obi-Wan, you're a strong man. Qui-Gon always spoke very fondly of you. It's a shame our paths never crossed before." Dooku said, meaning it through the Force, and both felt it. He looked at Qui-Gon now. "Oh, Qui-Gon, would you help me back to my quarters? My old knees..."

"Your knees?" Qui-Gon snorted. "Look like your age is finally turning against you."

His eyes sharpened. "Oh, you insufferable... I'm trying to give an excuse for you to end this isolation," he huffed, dropping the act.

"Always knew you being alone would catch up to you eventually," Qui-Gon quipped sheepishly.

But none offered an argument as they moved to Dooku's quarters, the makings of a bond shattered being reborn.