Hotel California
"Welcome to Planet Fitness Radio, where we play upbeat music to get your heartbeat up! Now here's another song to keep the momentum going!"
"More passion, more passion, more passion, more energy, more energy, more footwork, more footwork, more passion, more ener-gyyy, more ENERGY, eh eh eh!"
"Ugh! Just because you're an ogre doesn't mean you have to be disgusting like one!" a muscly lion shoved an ugly green creature with fangs against the wall.
"Well just because you're a lion doesn't mean you have to be obnoxiously loud like one too!" the ogre shoved him back.
"We go through this almost every time! Why don't you just go to the gym when I'm not here?!" the lion growled.
"Oh, so that leaves me only for the night? You're here all day!" the ogre scoffed.
"The gym's open 24/7, it really shouldn't be a problem! And while we're at it, you know there's showers here- you should use them," the lion frowned.
"Oh fuck you! You think you're better than me?!" the ogre gasped.
"I don't think I'm better than you! I knooooow I'm better than you!" the lion smirked.
"Hey, what's going on here?" a tall, thin muscular guy in a black body suit and a purple T-shirt walked over to the fighting creatures.
"Sorry Batman, fucking Leomon's just being a conceited asshole again," the ogre said.
"Ogremon...for the millionth time, I'm not Batman," the tall, muscular guy took a deep breath.
"Yeah dumbass. His name is Bruce Wayne. That's right, we're so close we know each other's last names," Leomon smirked.
"NO! YOU'RE WRONG! YOU'RE BOTH WRONG!" the tall, muscular man screamed and immediately forced a smile. "I'm sorry...I didn't mean to lose my cool. I'm Devimon, remember?"
"Oh...no, I guess not really," Leomon sheepishly said.
"Devimon, Devimon. I'll get it," Ogremon tapped this temple.
"Look, I came over here because I'm setting up a team of the best athletes for the Digi-Olympics, and I think the two of you would be great additions to the team!" Devimon smiled.
"I'd be so honored," Ogremon said.
"Me too!" Leomon nodded.
"Hold on...," Ogremon narrowed his eyes and looked at Leomon.
"Yeah, wait a second...," Leomon shot Ogremon a dirty look.
"Does that mean I have to work with this guy?! I hate him!" Leomon and Ogremon shouted at the same time.
"Aww, well that's something you'll have to get over," Devimon pouted and placed his hand on their shoulders.
"Psh, no dice! I'm not working with him!" Leomon scoffed.
"I'm not working with him either," Ogremon said.
"Oh, you don't understand. I'm not asking, I'm telling you. You see, Devimon doesn't take no for an answer," Devimon shook his head. "Now, I noticed that the two of you are only basic members to the gym. You know, if you upgrade to the Black card, you get access to any of the Planet Fitness locations anywhere, along with 10% off of the concessions, and access to the spa room back there. Wouldn't that be nice?"
"I thought about it, but I don't need all of those extra frufru things," Ogremon said.
"Same. The basic membership is all I really need," Leomon said.
"Oh, you guys really don't understand. You're getting the Black card membership. After all, the best athletes need the best everything," Devimon evilly smiled.
"Will it be free?" Ogremon asked.
"'Will it be free?'" Devimon mocked him. "Oh for shit's sake..."
"Crap, our direct deposit info is already in the system!" Leomon groaned.
"Isn't that amazing! Makes upgrading much, much simpler. Now it will only hurt a little bit. Hold on tight," Devimon smirked as two black gears embedded themselves into Leomon and Ogremon.
"We love Planet Fitness. Planet Fitness is a judgement-free zone. Sign up for a Black card membership and you'll get a free t-shirt and VIP benefits...," Leomon and Ogremon droned as if they were hypnotized.
"Oh damn, I don't have any more t-shirts in your sizes, but remind me when the next shipment comes in. Enjoy," Devimon smirked and disappeared out of thin air.
"Hmm...I think we already crossed this section, and maybe we don't want to go here-" Tai scribbled on a piece of paper.
"Hey, tell me more about this drawing," Sora gently placed her hand on Tai's shoulder.
"Drawing?! It's a map! Can't you see that?!" Tai held up his piece of paper.
"A map of Boston?" Sora raised an eyebrow.
"Uh...looks like spaghetti," Agumon smacked his lips. "I want spaghetti."
"Ugh, you guys don't understand the art of map drawing!" Tai crumpled up his piece of paper and tossed it over the ledge. "Oh shit, my map!"
"Yeah, like that was going to be remotely any helpful...," Gomamon hummed.
*buzzzzzzz*
"Look! It's everyone else! We thought they would be dead by now!" TK pointed at everyone.
"Huh? Is that Kabuterimon? Did we miss something?" Joe raised an eyebrow.
"Alright, here we go," Kabuterimon hovered over the ledge as the kids hopped off his back.
"Hey, we were trying to see what was up this mountain but we found you guys," Izzy held on to the straps of his backpack.
"Thank god you're still alive!" Mimi ran up to Sora and hugged her.
"Uh, I'm glad you're still alive too?" Sora awkwardly said. "So...did something happen to you guys for Tentomon to digivolve?"
"Well depends. We thought it was a good idea if we had him digivolve so we didn't have to scale the mountain, so Izzy thought if he gave him a tiny piece of his meth, that would help- but Tentomon ended up digivolving on his own," Patamon said.
"Hmm...interesting, I guess?" Biyomon said.
"Well, we just got here but did you guys come across anything interesting while you climbed up the mountain?" Izzy asked.
"Not really. I was drawing a map," Tai said.
"He calls it a map, we call it a mess...," Gomamon retorted.
"Well, something is better than nothing. Where is it?" Izzy asked.
"I accidentally tossed it over," Tai sheepishly said.
"Oh my god! Of course! You know what, add that to my list of grievances!" Matt shook his finger in the air.
"List of grievances?" Tai said.
"While you were gone, we stayed up all night listing all of Tai's horrible qualities. We saw the sun rise, and we still hadn't run out of things to talk about," Patamon cutely smiled.
"Shut up! He's not supposed to know that," TK covered Patamon's mouth.
"What?! Screw you guys!" Tai growled.
"Well, moving on...the only new thing I saw was that ugly purple building there and guess what's on it!" Joe pointed at a storefront wedged inside of a mountain wall.
"Holy shit, look at the logo! It looks like one of those black Reese's cups!" Matt gasped.
"Do you think that's where they're coming from?" Sora asked.
"Well, we'll never know unless we check it out!" Tai said.
"Hi, welcome to Planet Fitness! Is this your first time here?" Ogremon cheerfully asked.
"Uh, I've heard of it," Tai squeaked.
"Great! Then I'll give you all a quick rundown of what we are! We're a judgment-free zone where you are good to work out in any way you'd like- as long as you wipe down the gym equipment after you're done! We're open 24/7 so you can fit your excerise routine into your busy schedule, and we have clean showers so you can freshen up after your workout! Now we have two tiers, we have our basic routine which is nice...and we have our Black card one, which is supreme! With our Black card, not only do get to work out at this location, you can work out at any of the Planet Fitness locations in the world, for your convenience! You also get access to the spa room and 10% cooler drinks! Also, if you sign up today, you'll get a free t-shirt!" Ogremon sang.
"Uh...that sounds nice, but maybe another time?" Joe stepped back.
"But if you sign up today, we'll waive our annual fee for the first year, which is valued at $89- think of the savings!" Leomon popped up out of nowhere.
"Holy shit, where did you come from?!" Matt yelled.
"Come on, join the movement!" Leomon and Ogremon advanced towards the kids.
"Uh...," everyone stammered. The lights on their iPod nanos went off and hit the digimon partners.
"Agumon digivolve to Greymon!"
"Gabumon digivolve to Garurumon!"
"Biyomon digivolve to Birdramon!"
"Palmon digivolve to Togemon!"
"Gomamon digivolve to Ikkakumon!"
"Look, we don't want to sign up for your stupid membership today!" Greymon yelled.
"Yeah, so back off!" Birdramon said.
"You don't understand...no one says no to Batman," Ogremon's eyes turned completely white. He grabbed a metal bar from a weight set and started swinging on the kids.
"Dude! It can't be that serious!" Tai ducked.
"Needle spray!" Togemon twirled around and started shooting needles out of her body.
"Ahhh!" Mimi hid behind a receptionist desk.
"Not that I was going to in the first place, but I'm totally not signing up for this gym now," TK hid with her, holding onto Patamon.
"Even if they are giving out free t-shirts," Patamon pouted.
"Aww, but imagine how cute you'd look in a tiny t-shirt!" Mimi cooed.
"Aww, Patamon would look so cute in a baby t-shirt!" TK said.
*crash*
"Hey guys, I know we'd like to sit around and talk about how cute Patamon would be in a little t-shirt, but don't you think maybe we should find a way out of here before the building collapses on us?!" Izzy held his backpack over his head.
"Electro Shocker!" Kabuterimon shot a ball of electricity at Leomon but missed.
"Fist of the Beast King!" Leomon clenched his fist and a holographic flame in the shape of a lion's head shot out.
"Watch out!" Sora pulled Joe down to the floor.
*rumble* *rumble*
"Guys, am I having a seizure or is it the mountain? Please tell me it's a seizure," Joe whined.
"Hate to break it to ya, but I think we got caught up in an earthquake...," Tai winced.
"Everyone, drop to the ground, find some cover, and stay there until there's no more shaking!" Izzy yelled.
*crackle crackle*
*BOOM*
"Uh, thanks for the tips but I think we're good," Matt scratched his head.
"Holy shit, this whole place is destroyed. There's no more walls," Tai whistled at the disaster zone.
"I feel bad for the maintenance crew that's going to have to clean this up," Sora remarked.
"We didn't do it!" Ogremon and Leomon yelled in unison and ran off.
"Did they just leave?" Agumon frowned.
"I guess that means the coast is clear," Biyomon said.
"That was odd...," Izzy slowly walked out from behind the receptionist desk.
"So what was that all about?" Sora raised an eyebrow.
"Those guys really wanted us to sign up for a gym membership, and I feel like they would do anything to make us enroll... even something that would involve one of these things," Tai picked up a Planet Fitness sign and tapped at the logo.
"But why?" Izzy rubbed his chin.
"Have you ever had a membership anywhere? It's like being in a cult- once you sign up, there's no getting out of it. The worst part is you have to continue giving money to these people, even if you barely have any, or they'll send people to break in your kneecaps until they get your money. Whoever is in charge of this Planet Fitness must be trying to take over the digital world by forcing everyone to sign up for gym memberships! It's definitely in the name! Planet, like world domination! Fitness, because it's a gym! You see?" Tai frantically tapped at the sign.
"Tai, something tells me you like to watch Disney subliminal message conspiracy videos on YouTube in your spare time," TK frowned.
"You might think it's crazy, but the truth is hidden in plain sight!" Tai shook his head.
"I dunno. I think it's a bit of a stretch. I just think they were just two pushy salespeople who just happened not to be so smart," Matt said.
"You know what? Maybe we should talk about this later and elsewhere? I'd rather not stick around long enough for somebody else to show up and think that we're the ones responsible for this," Sora said.
"But Sora, didn't we technically destroy this place?" Biyomon asked.
"No, the earthquake did, you chirpy snitch. Got it?" Tai lowered himself so he was eye level with her and shook his finger at her.
"Got it...," Biyomon gulped.
"Oh my God, I'm so tired," Mimi draped her arms over Izzy and leaned her head on his shoulder.
"My backpack is heavy enough without your added weight," Izzy struggled to break free from her grip.
"Mimi, you have to be the laziest person I've met. You barely did anything back at the gym, and right now, you're not even doing your own walking," Sora sighed.
"You don't know what's in my head. It just exhausts me, I'm lucky I have energy for anything else," Mimi groaned.
"I don't know what's in your head, and it exhausts me...," Izzy rolled his eyes as he dragged Mimi along on his back.
"Hey guys, with our track records of random buildings on this mountain, something tells me we should keep it moving, but... I'm getting tired and I hope this place has somewhere where we can crash for the night!" TK pointed at a pink mansion.
"'Hotel California'? Sounds kinda cliche if you ask me," Matt scoffed at a bright neon sign.
"Who cares? It's a hotel! That's gotta mean clean beds, with pillows and sheets, oh! And I hope continental breakfast!" Mimi let go of Izzy and spun in a circle.
"That probably also means they want money for us to use the hotel. Money that we don't have," Tai crossed his arms.
"Damn...well, do any of you digimon digivolve to a sexy man or woman?" Matt pursed his lips.
"Not that we know of...why?" Patamon nervously asked.
"Dammit, never mind," Matt sighed.
"Maybe they'll be open to a barter," Izzy opened his backpack.
"No! Let's just cross that bridge when we get there!" Tai slapped Izzy's hand.
"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Sora asked.
"What's the worst they could really do? Just tell us to kick rocks?" Tai scoffed.
"I dunno, you never know how things go here. They might throw us in a spooky cult or the ruins of a Mayan temple, or send us out to basically Siberia!" Joe hyperventilated.
"Wow, that's quite an imagination. I don't think we'll have to deal with any of that," Matt whistled.
"You never know," Joe looked at him with widened eyes.
"We don't have to stay here, but it never hurts to ask a harmless question," Sora opened the doors to the hotel.
"Is it me, or does it seem suspiciously empty?" Izzy reluctantly walked across the lobby.
"There's not even homeless people acting like they rent rooms here just to use the bathrooms," TK commented.
"This place is open, right?" Palmon frowned.
"I would assume so. We did enter without a problem," Tentomon buzzed.
"Maybe someone at the front desk can help us out," Agumon rung a bell at the receptionist counter.
"What the...?" Tai picked up a thick envelope. "Agumon, are there more Agumons like you around?"
"Uh, I'm the only Agumon I know. Why do you ask, Tai?" Agumon looked up at him.
"This envelope just slid towards me, and it's addressed to...you?" Tai handed the package to Agumon.
"Huh? Me? I don't even know anything about this place," Agumon ripped open the envelope and eight blank cards fell out. "Hmm...'Dear Agumon, here are your key cards for the reserved rooms you've requested. Since payment has already been collected, no further action needed. If you have additional requests, please write them down on the provided notepads in your individual rooms and housekeeping will get that arranged for you. Please enjoy your stay.'"
"Oh, does that mean we have a free hotel vacation?" Mimi gushed.
"Agumon, what if this message was meant for another Agumon?" Sora bit her lip.
"Hey, let's not look a gift hotel stay in the mouth. Pick a card, any card!" Tai held up the hotel key cards and wiggled them in Sora's face.
"I dunno... I'm starting to side with Joe. Something doesn't feel right about this," Sora gingerly took a key card.
"We should be fine...I mean, look at all of these paintings of these naked, muscular, sexy angel men with their dicks out. Who wouldn't like paintings of guardian angels everywhere?" Tai tapped on a large painting.
"I guess that's what they mean when they say art is subjective. Tai finds peace in that painting, but to me, it looks very nonconsensual." Izzy winced.
"Yeah. A lot of these paintings are quite detailed and...interesting. It's like I walked into a perverted gay man's art gallery," Matt frowned as he walked down a hallway.
"Why is that angel man walking another angel man on a leash?" Patamon asked.
"I doing know, but I think art class is over for now," TK covered Patamon's eyes with his hand.
"Let's keep it moving and find our rooms...," Joe nervously hummed.
"Good call...," Sora held her hands to the sides of her face and walked straight ahead.
"Uh, so looks like we have eight rooms, and there's only seven of us, plus the digimon...how should we divide the rooms?" Tai held up the key cards.
"It looks like we have enough rooms so that we can each have a room for ourselves and our digimon partner," Izzy suggested.
"But what would we do with the extra room?" Mimi asked.
"We could make it a room specifically for boinking, but I'm not remotely attracted to any of you enough to do that," Matt scoffed.
"What's boinking?" Biyomon asked.
"Oh brother...," Izzy slapped his hand on his forehead and sighed.
"I would say it could be a storage room for our extra luggage, but we don't really have any," Sora pursed her lips.
"Oh Sora...you just gave me a great idea," Tai snapped his fingers.
"They're a bunch of jerks," Agumon crossed his arms and plopped down on a chair. "The reservation was under MY name and this is what they do to us?"
"Yeah, just because we're digimon doesn't mean that we don't deserve or appreciate nice beds," Gabumon pouted.
"Mimi said no hard feelings, but I have all the hard feelings," Palmon whimpered as she looked out the window solemnly.
"We really need to figure out how to send these assholes home soon before I eat their heads off," Agumon began clacking his jaw.
"Hey, don't forget- we have Joe on our side!" Gomamon said.
"Huh? You talked to Joe?" Palmon turned around to face him.
"Yeah- I almost killed him when I first digivolved, but then he said all he wanted to do was go home. He doesn't care about doing any of the side quests or helping anyone, he's so over this place. He hates it here, so I think he's willing to do almost anything to get out of here," Gomamon evilly smiled.
"Congratulations, but that's one person out of seven. Do you think we're going to convince the whole group to quit while they think they're ahead?" Tentomon asked.
"It's a possibility. I think we should target Mimi next. She's softer than a marshmallow. Speaking of soft, TK wouldn't be a bad idea to focus on too. Not to call you out, Patamon, but you haven't even digivolved yet. I don't think TK would want to stay here much longer if you don't digivolve soon," Gomamon pointed his flipper at Patamon.
"Gee thanks," Patamon sheepishly tucked his head between his front legs.
"No! Don't be embarrassed. Keep it up! Keep up the good work!" Gomamon smiled.
"Sure...," Patamon frowned.
"Biyomon, in the meantime, keep pushing Sora to agree with Joe. They kinda agree with each other on a lot of things already, but maybe if you can get her to realize that maybe 'helping people out' isn't a good thing, then she'll want to go home too. Izzy will end up following Sora, because he sees her as one of the 'reasonable' people in the group, other than himself- then Matt will also follow suit, only because he wants to do the opposite of what Tai wants. If we end up having to kill Tai off in the end, maybe it will be okay. What would it really matter if we sacrifice one, if everyone else goes home?" Gomamon shrugged.
"Wow, you must have spent a lot of time thinking about this, haven't you?" Gabumon said in fear.
"What else was I supposed to do while we were walking around looking for a place to stay?" Gomamon said. "Besides, I think we really need to send their asses home now, since they didn't even have the decency to leave a room card for us! How are we supposed to enjoy the hotel amenities without getting locked out?"
"Screw it! I say we go out anyways and guilt our partners to let them stay with them. They're jerks, and we should make them feel like that!" Agumon opened the door.
"You know what? You're right! Besides, if we try to get more alone time with our partners, we might be able to convince them to fall into our plan," Gomamon smirked.
"Oooh...," Biyomon flatly said.
"Great," Palmon nervously smiled.
"Alright, let's get moving! Don't want to waste any time! You never know what could happen," Tentomon said.
Meanwhile...
"Interesting...maybe I could get this to play in my favor. Seems like those pesky kids get in everyone's way," Devimon looked through a TV.
"What can you get to work in your favor?" Leomon asked.
"Hey, is that a TV? How did you get yours to work? None of my TVs work!" Ogremon whined.
"Hey! None of this concerns you!" Devimon barked. "What have you guys even been doing all day? Did you get anyone to sign up for black card memberships today?"
"Uh...," Leomon and Ogremon sheepishly paused.
"You see, no one is interested-"
"I'm not buying it! Everyone is interested if you're convincing enough!" Devimon snapped his fingers and watched as Leomon and Ogremon's eyes turned blank.
"If you sign up for a black card today, we'll waive the activation fee for the first year and you'll get a free t-shirt," Leomon and Ogremon said in a dreary unison.
"Eh, it's a work in progress but it will do. Now scatter! Shoo!" Devimon waved them away.
"Yes, Batman...," Leomon and Ogremon said before sprinting away.
"If I already didn't ruin my macros for the day, I would say I could use a drink right now...," Devimon huffed.
"Hey guys, have you guys seen the fun arcade they have downstairs?" Matt exclaimed.
"Well, you locked us in a room like we were a bunch of luggage, so no...not yet," Gomamon quipped.
"Oh, about that. We needed to find a use for the extra room," Matt shrugged.
"Actually, no we didn't need to...," Gabumon frowned.
"Unless we wanted to use it for boinking, like you said," Palmon smiled.
"The one time people listen to me...," Matt mumbled under his breath.
"Hey Matt, what exactly is boinking? It sounds fun," Biyomon stretched out her wings.
"Why do I say anything?" Matt grumbled. "Hey, you know what else sounds fun? Playing free arcade games!"
"Hmm...which one do you like better? This one or this one?" TK held up a hat in both hands.
"Oh, definitely that one!" Mimi pointed at a white bucket hat.
"I thought so too," TK put it on and looked at his reflection in the mirror.
"So, what do you think of this?" Mimi put a large, pink cowboy hat on and smiled.
"Yes, girl! You're so giving Barbie," TK nodded excitedly.
"Right?" Mimi poked her cheek and winked at herself in the mirror. "Oh, I missed shopping so bad! We should definitely get a new set of clothes while we're here!"
"What do you think of this for me?" TK held up a green and pink striped button-down shirt.
"Hmm...I like the colors. You should totally get it," Mimi nodded.
"Oh, wait a minute. I think you'd look cute in this," TK held up a pink and white gingham dress.
"Hmm, it's so coquette. I think I'll get it," Mimi grabbed the dress from TK.
"So...how do we pay for the stuff? No one's here," TK looked around the gift shop.
"We charge it to the room, I guess?" Mimi shrugged.
"Charge it to the room?" TK cocked his head to the side.
"Yeah, like charge it to the room," Mimi scoffed.
"I get it, I heard you. You're just repeating what you said, but I'm not understanding. Do you even understand what you're saying?" TK raised an eyebrow.
"You just take anything you want and say you want to charge it to the room, and it's yours! You don't have to pay for it at all!" Mimi smiled.
"Ohhh...huh," TK fiddled with a pair of sunglasses. "So I can charge these to the room and they're mine?"
"Exactly!" Mimi exclaimed.
"Hmm...interesting. I think I'll like this. I found some more stuff that I liked," TK nodded.
"Great! You know what to do!" Mimi shouted.
"Charge it to the room!" TK held up a bottle of suntan lotion.
"Mmm, do you smell that?" Patamon flew a couple inches from the ground.
"Ooh, that smells so good...," Agumon drooled.
"If we follow that scent, maybe there's food there," Tentomon said.
"How do you smell anything? Do you even have nostrils?" Patamon squinted.
"I don't know, I don't make the rules here," Tentomon shrugged.
"Guys, look! It's a smorgasbord!" Agumon gasped.
"And a buffet!" Patamon exclaimed.
"Hey guys, what's up?" Sora smiled at them.
"What's up? You guys came here and didn't tell us about this?" Patamon pouted.
"Uh, we were going to tell you but we got a little too enthusiastic. We were definitely going to let you guys know though," Joe sheepishly pushed up his glasses.
"Anyways, you're here so why don't you grab a plate and help yourself?" Sora opened a bottle of champagne.
"Don't mind if we do!" Agumon rushed to the buffet table and piled food up on his plate.
"Agumon! I've been looking for you!" Tai ran up to the buffet table.
"Tai, is everything okay?" Sora got up from her chair.
"Yeah! I just found an exercise center! Come on, Agumon! If we're going to kick monster ass, we need to get into shape. I see you're starting to get a little baby belly," Tai poked Agumon in the stomach.
"But Tai, I'm just about to eat!" Agumon huffed.
"We can eat after we finish working out! Let's go," Tai pulled Agumon by his claw and tugged him out of the room.
"I'll kill him...," Agumon angrily held his other claw up behind Tai's head.
"Hmm...you think Tai will be okay?" Joe gulped.
"Yeah. I think Agumon is just a little hangry, but he'll get over it," Patamon said.
"If you say so...," Sora shrugged and went back to eating her food.
"Ugh, I can't believe it. We're in the digital world, and I'm accessing the internet through CD-ROMs," Izzy shook his head and furiously tapped on his keyboard.
*click*
"I hope they don't mind that we put our stuff here!"
"We definitely went overboard!"
"TK, Mimi? What are you guys doing here?" Izzy sat up straight.
"Uh...we could ask you the same thing," TK raised an eyebrow.
"Why aren't you out having fun at the hotel? There's so much stuff to do here!" Mimi dropped her shopping bags to the floor.
"Huh, I see that...where did you get all of that stuff?" Izzy asked.
"From the gift shop," TK smiled.
"How? With what money?" Izzy made a face.
"You're so silly! You don't need money here! You just charge everything to the room!" Mimi tapped him on the nose.
"Ugh, cut that out!" Izzy swatted her away. "You charge it to the room?"
"Uh, yeah. You tell them what you want, and they give it to you," TK shrugged.
"Huh, and who pays for it?" Izzy crossed his arms.
"Nobody...you charge it to the room," Mimi said.
"Do you guys even know what it means to charge something to the room?" Izzy pressed his lips together.
"We just told you! You tell the people what you want, and they give it to you!" Mimi yelled.
"Except we didn't see any people at the gift shop, so we yelled that we were charging it to the room, so yeah...," TK said.
"So you stole from the gift shop?" Izzy looked at them incredulously and slid his hand down his face.
"No! Because we got our stuff in shopping bags, see?" Mimi picked up a bag.
"Oh my god, that is the fucking stupidest thing I've ever heard," Izzy put his hand over his mouth.
"Are you mad that you didn't think we got you something? Just hold on!" TK fished through his shopping bags and paused. "Psst...Mimi, I don't have anything, do you?"
"Uh, let me see...," Mimi sifted through her bags.
"Oh my god, oh my god, I don't care about that!" Izzy shook his head.
"I have...mints! I hope you like them!" Mimi held up an Altoids tin.
"Oh my god," Izzy sighed. "Guys, do you know what it really means when you charge something to the hotel room? No, don't answer because you clearly don't know! When you charge something to the hotel room, they add whatever you want onto the hotel bill. So it's not free, they just add the cost of everything you just picked up to the price of the total bill after you stayed here."
"Ohhhh...so we still pay for this?" TK pursed his lips together.
"In a normal situation, yes. But from the sounds of it, it seems like you guys shoplifted, so who knows how this will turn out," Izzy shook his head and sighed.
"It's okay, we can still return everything, right?" TK nervously smiled.
"Oh, but I really like what we got," Mimi pouted.
"Mimi...I think we should go back. What if there's jails here?" TK bit his lip.
"Ugh...fine. But can I keep one thing?" Mimi whined.
"Mimi...," TK sternly said.
"Okay," Mimi sighed. "Well, thanks for that lesson, Izzy."
"Sorry to burst your bubble, guys," Izzy said.
"Yeah. I don't think it was your first time, and it probably won't be your last time," TK frowned.
"You're probably not wrong about that," Izzy shook his head.
"You know, we made this big deal about having our own rooms, only for all of us to bring blankets and pillows here and sleep in the same room," Matt set up his sleeping spot.
"But it's close to all of the food," TK said.
"I don't know what they use to keep it warm but it's some sort of sorcery. We've been eating for hours and it seems like the food still came out fresh," Sora remarked.
"Well, that's a good thing because I was going to be really mad otherwise," Agumon shot Tai an angry look.
"Don't be mad at me! Aren't you happy we got a little exercise out of the way? Now you'll be stronger and faster, and you can reward yourself with as much food as you want. But not too much!" Tai scooped a piece of chocolate cake from Agumon's plate and tossed it in the trash can.
"Grrr...," Agumon grunted.
"Mmm...this is where we should have went instead of our little shopping spree," Mimi took a bite of pasta and rolled over in her blankets.
"I still had fun shopping for what it's worth, even if we couldn't keep anything," TK said.
"Me too," Mimi sighed.
"I think I'm starting to get a little sleepy," Joe rubbed his eyes.
"Oh, if it isn't sleepy Joe," Tai mockingly said.
"Hey, maybe we should all start getting to bed. For starters, I can't imagine we'll be able to stay here forever," Izzy bit his lip.
"Ugh, why not?" Mimi whined.
"Izzy's right. Who knows how long we'll get away with staying here. Besides, we probably should come up with a plan on getting back home. We've been gone for several days now, I'm pretty sure people are starting to worry about us going missing," Sora said.
"Us? The degenerates, as Joe likes to call us? Speaking of...I don't think people would miss Joe either. They're probably happy we're all gone," Tai scoffed.
"That can't be true," Biyomon softly said.
"Our parents sent us away to a bad, bad place away from society," TK put his knees to his chest.
"And don't forget, Mimi's dad is so going to kill her and her mom somehow," Matt smirked.
"Thanks...I did forget," Mimi frowned.
"I mean maybe it's better she's missing here than missing back in the real world. Hey Meems, do you have a recent picture for the milk cartons?" Matt asked.
"Oh no! I think the only ones my parents have is me in a SpongeBob shirt...and braces!" Mimi gripped the sides of her head.
"Huh...," Izzy raised an eyebrow.
"Stop! I can see you imagining it!" Mimi hit him with a pillow.
"Well, as you can see, I don't think people would be too sad if we were gone. What's the rush in heading back home?" TK shrugged.
"Hmm, that's interesting," Patamon frowned.
"I don't care if people don't like me. I still want to go home. I hate walking around looking for the next place to lodge and eat like a bunch of medieval travellers on the Oregon Trail," Joe groggily said.
"Uh huh...," Izzy shook his head.
"I know what I said doesn't make much sense, but you get the gist! At least in the real world, there's routine! I know when I get out from work, I can go home where I know there will be food and a place to stay, and it's always in the same place every time. The backpacking life isn't for me- I don't even have a backpack!" Joe pulled his blanket over his head.
"Joe does have a point. I do miss not having to worry about finding a new place to stay every couple of days," TK said. "Does that mean we're homeless here?"
"I never really thought of it like that. We are homeless," Tai popped his lips.
"We're homeless?" Mimi cried.
"Well, in your case you're better off homeless than dead," Matt smirked.
"Matt, stop it!" Sora snapped.
"What, it's true!" Matt shrugged.
*rumble rumble*
"Uh, guys...are earthquakes common here?" Izzy looked over at the digimon.
"Not that we know of," Patamon said.
"But we haven't left our neighborhood until you guys...," Biyomon trailed off.
"Yeah, yeah. Until we came along, huh?" Sora quipped.
*whoosh*
"What the?! Where did everything go?!" Palmon gasped.
"Oh, I was getting so comfortable. Who took my blanket?" Joe whined.
"More like who took the food out of our stomachs? Why am I hungry again? I ate for hours!" Sora frowned.
"You jerkoffs, it's all an illusion!" Devimon popped up out of nowhere.
"Batman?" everyone looked confused.
"Why does everyone think I'm Batman?! I'm Devimon! DEVIMON!" Devimon shouted.
"I mean, have you looked at yourself?" Matt asked.
"Nah, he's kinda different. This guy's got a weaker chin. And he's totally skinnier- like tweaker skinnier," TK commented.
"ENOUGH!" Devimon made the mountain shake.
"Ahhhh!" everyone held on to the ground.
"Everything here was fake! The hotel, the beds, down to the food, everything was a hologram!" Devimon shouted.
"Does that mean we didn't really eat?" Agumon's jaw began to tremble.
"Of course not, you dumbass! Did you really think food would stay hot for more than 6 hours being out like that? How did you think that would work?" Devimon snapped.
"I dunno, we thought it was some sort of hotel technology," Sora sheepishly said.
"You guys are more insufferable than I imagined! Ever since you decided to show up here, all you've done is get in my way and destroy everything in your path!" Devimon yelled.
"Dude, it's not like we're doing it on purpose! We're sorry!" Tai exclaimed.
"Then go home!" Devimon grunted.
"Trust us, that's what we want to do!" Joe shouted.
"What the hell is taking you so long then?!" Devimon screamed.
"You see, we keep coming across these digimon who have these black Reese's cups lodged into them and they turn all grumpy and aggressive- and then we came across this gym with this buffed up lion and ogre and they're trying to sign us up for an expensive gym membership and it's just so crazy! It's like someone is behind this so they can brainwash all the digimon into an exercise cult or something!" Tai ranted.
"Yeah! So leave it be! That doesn't concern you! Just go home!" Devimon shook the mountain again.
"Why are you sooooo defensive about it? It's almost like you're the one who's shoving these black Reese's cups-"
"Oh my god! Shut up, Tai!" Izzy yelled.
"You're all getting in my way of a perfect utopia of digimon who care about their physical fitness! There's too many lazy digimon out there wasting their time wasting countless hours on TV or scrolling on social media, and I want to completely get rid of that garbage!" Devimon yelled.
"You want to get rid of TV?!" the digimon gasped.
"It's absolute trash and the reason for the decline of society!" Devimon huffed.
"Oh my god, this guy's evil!" Patamon yelled.
"You can't control what we want to do with our free time, Batman!" Gabumon said.
"Oooh, you definitely need a black card membership, tubby! Even your voice sounds fat!" Devimon shot a black gear towards Gabumon.
"Gabumon, watch out!" Matt pushed Gabumon out of the way.
"Ugh! Again, you kids! I guess the only way I'll get what I want is to mix things up a bit! They say there's always strength in numbers, soooo...," Devimon snapped his fingers, causing the floor to break beneath the kids.
"Whoa! Guys!" Matt exclaimed.
"I'm being very gracious here. Here's your one and only warning. Go home, or you'll die trying me...," Devimon disappeared out of thin air.
"Nooooo! What are we going to do now?" TK whined.
"We're drifting too far apart!" Sora gasped.
"Well, do we have a game plan now?" Izzy shouted.
"Uh, like Batman said, I guess we have to go home or die trying?" Tai said.
"But you can't go home yet!" Agumon screamed.
"Huh?" all the other digimon picked their heads up.
"Yeah! If we don't stop this bad guy, we'll all be brainwashed into exercising for the rest of our lives! We need to find a way to get back together...," Agumon yelled.
"We have to stop him!" Biyomon said.
"He said I'm so fat, even my voice sounded fat...," Gabumon frowned.
"Alright! That does it! Let's meet up again soon!" Tai hollered.
"But where?" Mimi whined.
"I guess that's a good question," Izzy frowned.
"Does anyone have an answer for that question?!" Joe snapped.
*whoosh*
"AAAAHHHHH!"