Chapter 17: Communion with Friends Pt II
The evening went on, and shortly after Daniel and Graham's moment, my wife allowed the kids to be excused from the table. Hannah and Joseph left for their room, Joseph looping around the table just to have a reason to touch the burned man on the shoulder "accidentally" as he passed. I would have reprimanded the boy, but he was gone and annoying Hannah in the other room before I could say anything, and Graham appeared to not even notice despite his severely sensitive skin beneath the wrapping. Michelle followed her brother and sister into the other room to ensure they got changed over for bed but returned shortly after since she considered herself already an adult.
The tense little moment between Graham and Daniel regarding the Dead Horses tribe and the incident in the market seemed to allow Graham into more of the conversation. As the evening resumed, the conversations were taken from one to another, and Graham was still mostly silent, but much more involved than he had been. There was another tense moment when the conversation went into the kinds of threats in the wilderness to us and our allies. When that started, I began wishing that Michelle and even my wife had gone with the kids since I was the one doing most of the talking and preferred not to discuss details of my job when my family was around. Because of that, my wife and eldest daughter got a front row seat for the detailed version of what I told them happened on the expedition where I brought back the outlaw Tom Cade. I gave this account with consideration to Graham, but Daniel and I got into a polite but heated moment after I gave my opinion about what should happen with Cade and how I felt the Temple Sect and Elders would be too lenient in the end.
Daniel especially got somewhat flustered when I said the Elders didn't understand the reality of the dangers out in the wastes. I felt as though the Elders were becoming increasingly appeasing with our enemies, and trying to peacefully deal with especially violent enemies who didn't know what peace meant. Daniel reminded me of our obligation to follow what the Word says, and spoke of times in the community's past where similar enemies had come around by those peaceful means I was denigrating. Daniel acknowledged my position, and argued against my view of the Elders' policy of tolerance by pointing out other instances in recent years where they promoted force. It was hard for Daniel and I to agree on things like this and not resort to statements like "You don't see the kinds of things the guard does" because Daniel had in fact seen it all. That was actually one of the reasons I liked him so much.
Similar to Mr. Mathers and I, Daniel had been all over the wilderness. Daniel had seen the kinds of violence and terror out there that makes men like me decide to join the guard, but he saw that kind of thing and decided he was willing to go out there armed with a Bible in one hand and sidearm in the other rather than an automatic weapon in both hands, then a Bible in his pack. Mr. Mathers sat somewhere in the middle. Even though Mr. Mathers chose to follow the path into the Temple Sect, he remained one of the very select few in that part of the community to take more of the opinions of the guards than those he served under. It still puzzled me how Daniel and the other career missionaries like him could see all manner of horrors out there and still believe that the Elders weren't at least partially blinded by being safe in our town for so many years.
At one point in our discussion, Daniel spoke to Mr. Mathers for backup on the point he was making only to feel slightly betrayed when Mr. Mathers said he felt I was in the right. The Elders constant bickering was a problem, and although I agreed that the spiritually correct solution they landed on was best in particular cases, their policy did almost nothing to account for the moment and prevent things like the massacre at Delle Station in 71. He argued that their fighting wasn't the point and that the Spirit would act for the moment amongst those in the situation. After laying this out, Daniel was surprised when he got support from Graham who'd been rather silent in this particular discussion. Strange as it was, it was Graham who pointed out that the actions amongst those participating in the events of discussion usually ended up doing what the Elders concluded was the best course of action… Then that raised my point again of "So what's the point of all the arguing between the Elders?"
My wife and Michelle were about as lost as whoever might be reading this, but we all agreed to disagree before the conversation could go in another loop about the same things.
After that, it was late, and I believe Michelle had mentally checked out. Being too exhausted from hearing so much about community direction, and Elder vision, she decided to stand up and clear the table. By this point in the evening, even my wife was propping her head on her hand, only sticking around out of a host's responsibility to see all the guests depart. The conversation was still winding down, and when Michelle was done clearing the table, she thanked Daniel one more time for such a lovely prayer before the dinner, then kissed her mom goodnight and me as well before she finally left for her room. Once Michelle had left, my poor wife shook herself awake and excused herself from the table saying she would be back but was just going to change over for bed.
I felt as though the evening was about over as well and was going to begin the conclusion of the evening with a customary yawn and "It's getting late but this was wonderful. We should do it again soon" but that was prevented when the door to my wife and I's room shut. Mr. Mathers turned his head to Mr. Graham asking something he clearly wanted to this whole night;
"Mr. Graham, if you don't mind my asking, what do you know about the state of NCR these days?"
The question was unexpected by everyone, Graham probably most of all. Still, the question was asked politely and almost as if Mr. Mathers didn't even care about the answer. The head of Graham turned, and he scrutinized the face of the asker for a moment, perhaps wondering if the question was some kind of insult. I was the only one at the table who knew of Mr. Mathers' affiliation before he came to Christ, so even Daniel looked puzzled by the question. Graham saw the seriousness in the face of Mr. Mathers, understood it wasn't some kind of personal attack towards him, and after a moment said at length.
"I'm not entirely sure what you mean."
Mr. Mathers explained, partially subdued from realizing how the question may have sounded to a man who suffered his current state partially due to NCR's victory over him. That realization still didn't stop him from asking what was on his mind perhaps even for weeks as he went on with a new hint of stern curiosity;
"The Dam I mean…" He paused, Graham stayed silent, and the Deacon resumed, "… I know you probably don't know anything about me, but I have a personal relationship with NCR, one that I still don't think I can escape despite being here for so many years… I just want to know… What kind of damage was done to them when you and… The Legion…" He almost couldn't finish his question, the last word smothered in guilt for even asking, "… attacked."
The only sound was the muffled noise of the kids playing through their closed door and the sound of Michelle and my wife opening drawers to change for bed. Even Daniel sat there silent with a new look on his face as he faced Mr. Mathers. Probably wondering why his friend in the Temple Sect asked the question he did. I was partially curious as well, though I knew it had to have stemmed from his prior affiliation with NCR. The eyes went to Graham again when he began speaking. Starting slowly, Graham said,
"There was much damage. Damage to my forces, and damage to NCR without question, not even counting the damage to my own self. I don't see how the particulars of the Battle of Hoover Dam that far south could be of interest to you or to New Canaan exactly. There isn't much that I know for certain about numbers and statistics. I was imprisoned nearly four months after the battle and before being reduced to my current state. But if it helps satisfy your curiosity, I can only tell you I saw the corpse piles atop the Dam as I waited for Caesar's arrival. I saw the smoke of the battle as it happened, the bodies falling, and the road across the dam painted red by the blood of so many killed men. I waited and waited, and the bodies were stacked when NCR moved back in to occupy the bridge over the Colorado. The stacks of Legion red and NCR brown appeared equally high, but maybe more in number on the red side. Hundreds on both sides. In the end the specifics don't matter when the result was the same. NCR reoccupied the Dam, and I got what was already a long time coming…" Graham paused, then after another moment asked,
"… Does that satisfy?"
The Deacon looked away and thought for a while as Daniel and I stayed quiet. Mr. Mathers took all that in and began to slowly nod his head as he stared at the table's centerpiece before saying in that almost embarrassed tone;
"Yes it does, thanks for that Mr. Graham…"
Mr. Graham sat motionless and staring at the Deacon, looking like he was still trying to discern the motive of the original question. At last, the burned man nodded, like he'd done at Daniel's embarrassment earlier, and the Deacon had recovered himself enough to speak again. He looked to all of us, including Graham as he sought to explain himself a little better,
"… I only asked- I'm only interested because I follow what happens amongst the missionaries, scouts, and New Canaan protected caravans in the far western wilderness…"
I knew this to be true, and I believe Daniel did as well even if Graham was still ignorant. I also knew that he left out the part where he would have explained his interest also included how many of his former brothers in the rangers he could pray for. I believe he would have mentioned that if he were in perhaps different company, either way, Mr. Mathers went on, "… I've also heard in rumor and seen in reports that NCR Rangers have been clearing out of the region for months. Word has it they're getting called away from the southwestern parts of Utah where those groups I mentioned typically go to… I wonder what that means for the tribes out there since the war between the White Legs and 80s is heating up down that way. NCR prospectors and many rangers are no real friends of the tribes we work with down south, and I don't know what the situation will look like if NCR is consolidating further south in the Mojave."
"Most likely…" said Graham flatly before elaborating on his response, "… I can almost assure you that NCR is vacating from the southwest Utah area thanks to me-"
"I wasn't blaming you" said Mr. Mathers, not quite hearing the emotionless or non-accusatory tone Graham was speaking in.
Graham went right along, "… I understand. But yes, it's because of me. I know not how close a friend NCR has been with New Canaan or the tribes of that region bordering the Mojave in recent years, but I've already spoken to Constable Hanshaw and told him that I fully intend to assist in any part of the wilderness that may have been affected directly by my actions with the Legion-"
All at once, everyone at the table's eyes grew wide as we all asked, "What?" in near unison.
Graham froze, and I believe he would have raised his eyebrows if they were still around or weren't covered by the bandages. After a short moment, I asked the man calmly and cooly, "What does that mean? Are you going to be working for the guard?"
Daniel and Mr. Mathers were nodding their heads like they too were deathly curious about the answer.
Graham looked to all of us and resumed slowly without change in pitch or tone, "Perhaps in time. It was pretty clear that the Constable and the Elders want me to stay concealed in town for a long time. There is understandably still great fear about who will come looking for me in the coming weeks or months. But eventually, God willing, there will come a time when I'm able to return what you and New Canaan have already done for me. I don't know what that looks like yet, or when that will be, but I know that God saved me for a reason, and I owe it to Him and all of you to act upon that reason since I can't imagine it being anything other than the opportunity to rectify the sins of my past. If my presence here is putting the community in any danger, the Constable says I have a duty to help defend it, and that something within my soul that followed me out of the canyon says I have the ability…"
Graham's head turned to Daniel at that last part. The room sat silent a few seconds, and the sound of my bedroom door interrupted the silence as my wife returned to us in her sleepwear. She took her place at the table, read the strange silence amongst us men, and joined in the silence before Graham's head turned back to me;
"… But first things first, I'm told I must wait for some quarters to be arranged for me somewhere in town…" Turning to my wife, "… And thank you for taking me in ma'am. I'll try to be as convenient a guest as possible…"
For the first time since his arrival in our home that afternoon, my wife smiled genuinely at Mr. Graham, and I was left with a lot to think about. For whatever reason, it had just occurred to me in that moment that this man was here to stay with us, in our house. Daniel and Mr. Mathers stood with yawns, looked at the clock above the hallway, and saw how late it was. They gave their farewells, me, my wife, and Mr. Graham stood as well and my wife and I embraced the men giving the customary, "We'll do this again soon" and walked them out while I took a long look at the small stack of sheets and blankets atop the couch where Graham was going to sleep.
I respected Graham, but I still didn't quite know what I thought of his display in the market that granted him entry into New Canaan proper, and I thought of everything that was said over dinner. I wondered how Daniel took his meeting with the man he'd only heard about in letters and stories throughout his youth. I wondered what exactly Mr. Mathers was worried or thinking about at news of his former brothers in the rangers getting pulled out of the Utah wilderness to fight a war in the Mojave. The relationship between Graham and the two men of the Temple sect would be brought up again, but they both had opinions, and prejudices when it came to our returned brother. One of the men even had a direct interaction with the same man before his literal baptism by fire, but more on that later.
For now though, the evening was over, only a few people in New Canaan had even heard about the Elder's decision to bring Joshua Graham inside the walls of their home, and what he would do within the community was still uncertain while his future role was at least alluded to this night. Still, it was time for bed. My friends in the Temple Sect were on their way to their respective domiciles under the streetlamps, I was in bed with my wife, and the one-time most dangerous man in all of the Arizona, Colorado, New Mexico, and Utah wastelands was laying my guest sheets out on my couch.