I'm back. I promised I wasn't lying. That being said I'm 19 now instead of like... 15, so don't expect things to be exactly the same as they used to before. Consider the past two-three chapters as pilots, and now this is the full story. Imma never quit writing this typa crap til I'm like... 25, that seems like a good time to quit. So... 2029.
As for why it took this long to start writing? F school, that's why. School can suck my-
Summary: Mario and Luigi go to the Stardust Fields to continue their adventure, meeting a unhinged fanboy along the way.
Stardust Fields, Midnight
"..."
"..."
"..."
"...Mario-a?"
"...Luigi-a?"
"...Mario-a... get the hell off me..."
"Huh?" Mario looked below him and noticed Luigi underneath him, crushed into a crater on the ground by the force of his brother's posterior. "Oh, sorry bro-a." Mario got off Luigi' face and looked at his squished bro. "Looked like a trampoline from up there-a," he chuckled.
"Ha-ha-a," mumbled Luigi.
"And felt like one too-"
"Just... just get me out," grumbled Luigi.
"Okay then," Mario sighed, pulling Luigi out of the crater.
They turned to look at their surroundings. They were currently standing on damp, purple ground, which had a strangely alluring beauty to it. They shot a glance up at the sky, which was dark and littered with stars.
"Wow-a, not much time passed huh?"
"Yeah of course not, we weren't falling for hours," said Luigi.
"Of course," sighed Mario. "And where are we?" He saw a sign that said 'Stardust Fields'. "Ah okay, at least we're in the right place."
"Just one question," said Luigi. "Where's-a Bowser?"
"Oh yeahhh..." Mario sighed. The bros looked all around them, but still, no Bowser to be seen anywhere.
"I guess he's not here," mumbled Mario. "More Peach puss for me."
Luigi raised an eyebrow. "I... really feel like we should find him first-"
"I don't. Hell, he's prolly dead by now."
"...Yeah I guess you have a point," said Luigi.
"So where do we go from here?"
They began looking again. Luigi saw a castle to their west; separated from their current splotch of land by a bridge and a sign saying "Border Castle"
"Hey big-bro-a..." said Luigi. "Just a hunch but... that castle over there..." he pointed a finger to the west. "...With the big obvious 'border castle' sign... MIIIGHT be a good place to look."
"Hmm?" Mario looked in the direction of the finger pointing. He turned back to Luigi and grinned. "Ohhh... yeah, of course, of course..."
The two turned around and started to walk towards the castle.
...Stardust Fields: Other Side Of Border
After a Border Jumping challenge that you really would not want me to describe, the bros were now walkin on the other side of the castle, on the bridge to the BeanBean side of the border.
"Wow that was way too easy," sighed Luigi.
"Yeah. 'Can we jump'? they asked," Mario replied, scoffing.
"I'm not sure if uh, having a challenge that easy is good for the stability of the border though..." muttered Luigi.
"...Well, they can keep it like that all they want," said Mario. "Great for us.
"I-I guess?" sighed Luigi, stepping foot over the splotch of purple grass at the end of the bridge. "It's just... I don't know, it feels like we border hopped-"
"Dudes, dudes, DUUDES!" a familiar, surfer bro voice rang out, from the direction of the bridge. The bros turned and saw one of the overweight, green-skinned Border Bros running across the border bridge.
"Huh?" asked Luigi. "D-Did you overhear us-"
"Since we've been on duty, you two are the first people EVER to cross our border. I mean, EVER!"
Mario and Luigi raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Ah yeah,"
"Yeah, congrats, Mario? And uh..."
"...Luigi."
"Yeah, Ruigi. We've gotta commemorate this special occasion!" the Border Bro said, pulling out a map and practically cramming it into the Bros hands.
"Damn, okay," said Mario, stepping back a bit from the sheer force. He looked at the map in his hands and grimaced; it was covered in dried barbecue sauce.
"And pray tell, what is this map for?" sighed Mario.
"Oh nothing much, it's just a map of the Beanbean Kingdom!" said the Border Bro a few decibels too loud.
"Alright, alright," said Mario. "Uh, it sure is in pristine condition," he snarked.
"Hmm? Oh yeah... sorry," said the Border Bro, scratching his head. "We... were at Wingstop and we, uh, ran out of napkins."
"..."
"You...you guys can still read it. Just, poke at it a bit... it should come off... maybe..."
"..."
"...Uh, e-enjoy the gift." Before any further confrontation could happen the Bro ran back across the bridge.
Mario side-eyed Luigi. "Wow, I love the hospitality here."
"Call me crazy but..." Luigi put his hand to his shoulder. "I think he mighta overheard us..."
"You think so?"
"Yeah, but I mean... it's a map of the kingdom. Consolation prize or not, we can get hella mileage from this thing," grinned Luigi.
Mario looked down at the map, poking the barbecue spot like the guy suggested. "Oh yeah, I guess," he sighed.
"Yeah, like, see here, it says this is Beanbean Kingdom..." Luigi pointed to the spot on the map saying 'Beanbean' in big letters. "...and this is us," Luigi commented. "So... uh, south."
"Alright. Thanks, map... I guess," sighed Mario, stuffing it in the suitcase.
"YOU'RE WELCOME!" said a cheery, saccharine voice, slightly muffled by the Suitcase. Both the bros stared wide-eyed.
"D...Did it just..." Mario stared at Luigi.
"I...I think it... did..." Luigi grimaced.
"..."
"..."
"...L-Let's go now..."
"Okay..."
Down the south...
It didn't take the bros much walking until the next disruption to their journey.
"HEY!" a shrill voice rang out.
The bros paused. "What the-What the hell, is it now?" grumbled Mario.
"MARIO! LUIGI!"
Luigi perked up. "Did... did someone g-get my... my name right?" He faced the voice with a wide smile.
The source of the voice made itself clear; a glasses coated Fighter Fly, hopping down the grass til he was next to them, holding a pen and a notebook. Mario looked at him, side-eyed. "Huh? Another one of these things? Didn't we leave these in the sewer?"
Luigi put up his hands and prepared a combat pose.
"HEY! OH MY GOD, ITS YOU! ITS REALLY YOU!" The Fighter Fly buzzed in their faces like a annoying life sized mosquito! "I-I LOVE YOU GUYS I'M LIKE YOUR BIGGEST FANS I SWEAR!" he screamed, spitting in their faces and making them recoil and back away.
"Oh our BIGGEST huh? T-That's what they all say..." grumbled Mario, looking at the spit on his hand and cringing.
"No I swear, I'm your BIGGEST! N-Nobody knows more about me than you two! Like, Luigi! Ask me when you debuted! A-Ask me, c'mon!"
"...Okay. Uh, when did I debut?"
"In the Game and Watch arcade game, Mario Bros. from March 1983! Not the arcade game released three months later," he proclaimed, puffing out his nonexistent chest.
Luigi stared, mouth agape. "W-Wow. I... N-nobody gets that right. N-Nobody, at all. I-I mean, even Mario sometimes forgets!" said Luigi, putting a hand to his head and staring at the ground.
"What can I say?" muttered Mario with a shrug. "I can't tell any of our damn adventures apart anymore."
"S-See, see! Now LEMME ANSWER ONE OF YOUR QUESTIONS!" yelled the Fighter Fly, bouncing up in Mario's face.
"Okay, well..." Mario grumbled, trying to think of a hard one. "What's... what's my size?" he chuckled.
"3.5 inches, 5.1 hard!" beamed the fly.
Mario didn't even bother responding at first. He just stared down at the creature, blushing, and struggling to speak beyond stutters. "I-I'm scared of you. Y-You freak. Y-You disgusting, frickin' thing," he managed to spit out.
Luigi, laughing in a poor attempt to disguise his unease, said "Uh, buddy. You sure know... lotsa... lotsa things about us."
"Yep, I sure do! But I wanna know MORE, see?" He boinged up in Luigi's face. "More and more and more, until I'm the biggest, smartest, MARIO FAN EVER, and I have so many Mario fanboy brain cells I can start my own religion!" he sputtered, Luigi holding up a hand to shield the spit.
"What could you possibly not know about us?" asked Mario.
"So many things! So many! Y-Your social security number! Y-Your tax information! Y-your-"
"Buddy, buddy," grumbled Mario, kneeling down in his face. "Buddy. It's cute you love us so much. R-Really. It is." He cringed inwardly. "But NO. You're NOT prying any of this info out our hands. Maybe if you were a cute girl with big tits, this sorta crap would be hot. But you... you're FAR from that. So piss off."
"Aw you don't mean that," scoffed the Fly, readjusting his glasses. "Just let me watch you while you go round and kick ass, at least! Pleeease? Pleeeease? Pleeease?"
Luigi sighed and turned to Mario. "Oh, mama-mia. Mama mia. Mario... what should we do with this guy?"
"Tell him to screw off," scoffed Mario.
"Yeah but... I don't wanna come off as TOO much of an ass. I mean... as long as he's just watching, it... it can't be that bad right?"
Mario grumbled to himself, putting a hand on his chin. "Hmm..." He took it off, sighed and turned to Luigi after about five seconds of not so deep thought. "Alright, fine." He turned to the fly. "Hey, pest? You can watch. WATCH-A. NOT. Intrude. Got it?"
"OMG YAY YAY YAY I LOVE U SO MUCH YAY-"
"And stay about uh..." Mario tapped out five feet or so. "That far. That far. At all times. If you break pattern..." He held up his fist.
"Oh you don't gotta worry bout me!" he beamed. Right here at all times!"
"Great," muttered Mario. "Let's go then," he turned to Luigi. "We're gonna regret this..."
"Yeah, maybe," murmured Luigi.
The bros continued along their path, the giddy Fighter Fly after them every five or so feet of the way.
"Beanbean Bulletin: Disturbing facts uncovered in Area 64. Recent studies show that the Spiky Stardust Defense System (SSDS) can be jumped!" Mario read.
Mario peered at the "defense system"; a pitiable series of spikes jutting out the ground.
"Man I feel bad for whoever this thing's supposed to protect, bro," said Luigi.
"Again-Fine by me, let's get this over with."
The Bros ran towards the spikes and effortlessly cleared them with one jump, and landed gracefully on the other side.
"YAY! YOU DID IT AGAIN! SUPER AMAZING BROS!" yelled the Fighter Fly, prancing back and forth.
Mario grumbled and held a hand up to his head. "I don't have a headache yet, I'm just preparing myself," he muttered.
...
Luigi hit a Mushroom Block right after the "defense system" and got a Mushroom.
"WOW! YOU GOT THAT SHROOM LIKE A BOSS!" yelled their little fanboy. Luigi shot him a glare, put a finger to his lip and moved it down a few times to signal 'tone it down'. Fell on deaf ears again. "EAT IT EAT IT EAT IT!"
"I'm... I'm not hurt enough yet lil guy," said Luigi, putting the shroom in his pockets, then scraping around to see if he remembered earplugs. He didn't. He sighed and continued to march.
...
After the next bridge, they encountered a different Fighter Fly, this one seeming a lot less friendly. Mario turned to Luigi. "Oh no, another one. Will this one talk our ears off too?" Luigi grimaced at the thought.
Instead, the Fly snarled at them and hopped forward with a lunge. Mario breathed a sigh of relief and uppercut him into a nearby purple wall. He crumpled and fell to the floor.
"Whew, so much better." Mario and Luigi turned to each other, cracking a smile. Which didn't last. Their little "buddy" flew next to them, screaming "YAY MARIO! YOU SURE SHOWED HIM! WOO! MARIO!"
Mario and Luigi tried to up their pace. Fortunately, though, the other flies overheard the screaming and weren't any less annoyed.
"Ow, my ear my ear! My friggin' ear's bleeding," whined another fly. She turned to Mario and Luigi and said "Y'all are so evil for that! Y'all win, leave me alone!" She hopped away with the other three flies in the area.
Mario and Luigi turned to each other, smiling wide. "Okay, that's pretty nice," chuckled Luigi.
"I guess," said Mario.
...
After a bit more journeying, the Bros came across a series of stair-like things. "Hmm?" muttered Mario. He and Luigi peered up the stairs and saw, suspended above them, a large cannon, with two... yellow legs jutting out? The Bros ambled up the stairs, each with an eye raised and 'brow arched.
"Someone's stuck there," stated Luigi.
"Yeah, duh," grumbled Mario.
They reached the cannon and looked at the legs closer. They were a, very familiar set of yellow legs.
"I..Is that Bowser?!" whispered Luigi, incredulous.
"I... yeah I think it is," said Mario. "Wha... How the hell did?..."
They both stared at the legs, kicking and flailing. Down in the cannon, they heard some muffled, but more than likely very vulgar language. "Okay, wow," muttered Mario. He turned to Luigi. "Hey bro, wanna screw with him a bit?" he whispered, holding a hand to his mouth to cover his giggles.
Luigi, likewise covering his own giggles, "Way ahead of you." He turned to Bowser, leapt up, and gracefully landed on his legs a few times, with Bowser emitting a pained grunt, and oddly enough a coin every time.
"Uh?... W-Who's there?" muttered Bowser, clearly muffled but barely audible.
"BOO BOWSER!" yelled their persistent fly, screaming into the cannon. Mario grumbled and walked up to him, shoving him away.
"B-Boo me? Oh I'll-I'll TURN YOU to a boo if I get outta here!" grumbled Bowser, wiggling harder.
Mario turned to the fly and said "Listen here, Loudspeaker, I know, I know, Bowser's my enemy. But uh... we're on truce now. Kinda. We... we need his help-"
"Bowser? Bowser's HELPING?!" The Fly hopped up and down. "WOAHHHH! How'd you do it! Man you guy-You-You guys can like-do ANY-"
After some failed attempts at shushing him, Mario finally managed to cover his mouth, ignoring his squirms as he continued "Yeah, enough of that. Shut the hell up. Ugh. It's just.. Just a thing where I need his help. Just for a bit. Shut your trap and don't screw it up for us."
"OKAY OKAY! I WON'T!"
"Right." Mario rolled his eyes and turned back to Bowser.
"What the hell was that?" yelled Bowser.
"I...Nothing, you imagined it," said Mario.
"Musta been a nightmare," added Luigi.
"Y-yeah, a big scary nightmare. Uh.. but you-you're awake now, alright?" said Mario.
"...Mario? Is-Is that you? Get me outta here! What in the world are you waiting for?"
"Okay, grumbled Mario. "Give... give me a second. C'mon Luigi."
"O-okay," said Luigi. He put his hand around one of Bowser's legs and Mario the other. They began to pull, as hard as they could. Straining, sweating, veins popping, all of that as they pulled harder and harder. Yet they could not get Bowser to budge.
"God!" said Mario. "What do you eat? You're-You're locked in!"
"Yeah, I know. I know, I need a diet, whatever. Try pulling a little harder, I... I don't know."
"Nyeck nyeck nyeck!" said a shrill, scratchy voice coming from the north of the cannon. Mario and Luigi glanced over, and saw a really fat green, ogre looking creature with a bib over his round, gelatinous potbelly and a star ontop of his head, overlaying his red mohawk.
"Oh great, another joker," grumbled Mario. "Make it quick."
"Why could it be, that Bowser, the Great Koopa King, has fallen into my cannon? Nyeck! How amusing!" the revolting creature said, wiping a tear from his eye with his right claw.
"Your cannon?" asked Luigi.
"Who ARE you?" asked Mario.
"Nyeck, as if you even have to ask," scoffed the creature. "I am Tolstar, the great and famed king of Stardust Fields! Surely that must ring a bell?" He smugly smiled and held up both his arms in a shrug.
The bros stared at him, hands on chins and thinking. Tolstar noticed the lack of response and arched an eyebrow. "Nyeck? You can quit playing now."
Nothing still. "You can butter me up all you like. Tolsty doesn't mind."
"I... I can't say I've heard of you before..." said Luigi.
Tolstar grumbled. "No taste," he moaned. "No taste at all." He shook his head before turning back to Bowser. "So this guy... what's he doin' in my cannon?" He cupped his arms together like he was playing pattycake. "Spill the tea, spill the tea!"
"Uh, well, we were, uh, flying on a ship, and it exploded," said Luigi. "Uh, and then Bowser... I guess the explosion... uh, sent him here, and he... uh..."
"He got stuck in the cannon 'cause he's a fat tub of lard," said Mario.
Luigi grimaced. "Well... y-yeah. I... something like that. Uh anyways. If, uh.. this, it's your cannon right?"
Tolstar grinned. "My baby..."
"Yeah," said Luigi. "So... could you help us free him? We... we kinda him, uh, for... something important."
Tolstar smiled and hopped on his yellow belly, folding his arms and kicking his feet above his head. "Nyeck, and why would I do that?" he asked.
"I..I don't know..." sighed Luigi.
"Because I'll beat your ass if you don't-a," said Mario. "How's that for why-a?"
Luigi shrugged. "Well there ya go."
Tolstar's eyes widened. "Oooh, scary!" he chuckled, getting back to his feet. "But we don't need to do all that," he said. "How about you just give me a little, mmm, muney?"
Mario sighed. "How much?"
"Mmmm... mmmaybe all of it?"
"Okay, hell no. You can keep him," said Mario, turning away.
"Bu-w-wait, Mario!" Luigi tapped his shoulder. "We... we need Bowser. Yeah I know, real ironic, but he knows his way through the Kingdom and we... don't."
Mario shrugged, "Oh well. I guess we can call off the adventure-"
And he remembered they didn't have a vehicle to go back with.
"I..I guess we won't be going back then," he grumbled. Luigi nodded. Mario took out the suitcase and dumped all the coins out from it.
"Keep the coins in your pocket though," whispered Luigi. Mario nodded.
Here ya go lord," Mario grumbled, throwing the coins at Tolstar. He yelped as the coins smacked his face, but quickly recovered to start counting up. "Hmmm..." he clacked his tongue. "100 Mushroom coins?..." He looked at Mario. "I do apologize, not so dearly, but this is the BEANBEAN kingdom, and this type of money... hmm... I just gotta do a conversion real quick..."
He took out a calculator and started clacking down on the keys, making sure to make the presses as obnoxious as possible. "Hmm, take the 10, subtract by so and so..." he lowered his voice very quick "hmm, i'll fudge the numbers real quick", raised his voice back up "math, math, numbers, numbers, uh, inflation, boil it in hot water, til it's 100 degrees, bang it in front of its wife..."
Mario and Luigi stared at him confused.
"...uh... I say that totals a fine... mmm... 10 Beanbean coins."
"Are... are you sure?" asked Mario.
"Yeah, nyeck, you heard what I said? Inflation? I know how math works, see? I dropped out because it was too easy." Tolstar chuckled. "I was embarrassing my teachers."
"...Sure, sure, whatever. As long as you free our idiot turtle guy here today," said Mario.
Tolstar frowned. "For 10 coins? My my, I didn't expect you to be such a cheapskate."
I myself didn't know Luigi's first appearance was in that Game & Watch game til like, a week before writing the scene. That's so weird.
TO BE CONTINUED...