"We need to talk."

As soon as those words left Chuuya's mouth, a heavy silence seemed to weigh down upon them from above. Despite, having initiated this conversation, Chuuya suddenly felt as though his mouth were stuffed with cotton, as he searched for what to say next. He knew that the argument that had taken place between him and Dazai was something that they needed to talk about and yet when faced with actually having such a conversation his entire vocabulary seemed to have left his brain, as the two sat there in awkward silence.

Dazai was, of course, no help.

Generally, all that bastard did was talk, but when faced with the implications of a serious conversation, he instantly seemed to shut down, leaving it all to Chuuya to deal with, He couldn't entirely blame Dazai though, given his upbringing and emotionally constipated demeanor in general, but it wasn't like Chuuya had it much better when it that arena, so it irritated him to no end that he was the one who had to lead this conversation. Granted that was based on the assumption that he could even figure out how to start it.

A minute passed by, then two, until suddenly Dazai moved to stand up, heading into the bedroom where Chuuya had previously resided. For a moment, disappointment flooded through Chuuya, as he thought Dazai was walking away, but that was quickly replaced by confusion when he saw Dazai return with the water glass that he had previously left in the room. That same one that Chuuya had chosen to ignore out of sheer spite.

Making his way back to the couch, Dazai held it out towards Chuuya, offering it up to him with a smug smirk.

Begrudgingly, Chuuya accepted the glass, taking a couple of sips, only because he was incredibly thirsty and due to all the distractions currently plaguing his life had only been able to do something about it now. Under any other circumstances, he would've loved to throw the water back in Dazai's smug face, just to see what expression his face would take.

"Chuuya's so silly. No wonder you couldn't talk with how dry your throat must be! You're so lucky you have me or you could end up getting dehydrated," Dazai tapped his chin, as though in thought, "it's not a good way to die you know. I tried it once actually! Terrible experience… zero out of ten. Incredibly painful too. Just all around not worth-"

"Do you ever just shut the hell up?"

A crease appeared between Dazai's brows, "Chuuya's so mean, I'm just trying to help you!"

"Dazai," Chuuya gritted out, "sit down."

A heavy silence once more resumed between the two of them, before finally, Dazai sat back down on the couch.

"So, what do you want to talk about?"

A flare of anger unfurled at the base of Chuuya's spine.

"I don't know smart guy, wanna give a guess?"

"Was the water I gave you not cold enough?" Dazai offered, "I know I got it for you a couple of hours ago, but I didn't want to waste it, so-"

"Dazai, I'm not upset about a fucking glass of water! For once in your life can you please just be serious?" Chuuya turned his body so that he was facing Dazai on the couch, who was desperately trying to avoid eye contact. "I want to talk about the things we said. It's just, I overstepped and…" Chuuya finally gave up searching for Dazai's gaze, "I'm sorry."

The confession changed something within Dazai's demeanor as he straightened, his eyes narrowing in confusion. This time he was the one who sought Chuuya's gaze, "what are you apologizing for?"

Was the idiot really that dumb or did he just want Chuuya to spell it out? All this talk of feelings and emotions made him want to run out the front door and leave this all behind like the pair had done to one another so many times in the past when faced with similar situations like this. Still, this was a conversation that they had to have if they ever wanted to work through what they had both done and said to each other, or rather it was at least a start.

"I'm sorry for bringing up Odasaku," at the mention of the name, Dazai's ever-present mask seemed to slip up for all but a moment, as a rare flicker of grief and pain shone in his eyes. The slip of emotion was quickly corrected, however, as Dazai's usual mask slipped right back into place. Still, it was a slip-up that the average person wouldn't notice, something that Chuuya was not. No matter how hard Dazai tried to hide from the world, Chuuya knew and saw him for who he was. No matter how fucked up their relationship got, he and Dazai would always have that integral understanding of each other and that was just another reason why Chuuya needed to have this conversation. At the end of the day, he was so scared of losing that understanding. Of being lost in a world where there was no one left who truly saw him for who he was. Not as A5158. Not as a vessel for Arahabaki. Not as a mean's to an end. Not as another piece on the chessboard, for even though Dazai had called him a pawn, something that had really hurt, he knew that Dazai didn't mean it. That was just him trying to push Chuuya away in a moment of irrational thinking because that was another thing Chuuya knew about Dazai, another reason why he shouldn't have brought up Odasaku.

Dazai was terrified of pain.

So he closed himself off to the world in hopes of saving himself from the possibility of heartache or despair that might have otherwise consumed him had he opened up his heart. After all, you can't get shot if there's no ammunition to do so in the first place.

But Chuuya was done with that bullshit. He didn't want to lose Dazai and he didn't want Dazai to let go of him, so he was going to fix this. He couldn't lose another friend. Not after everyone who was already gone. Not while he was lost, in some unknown spot in the world, with no memory as to how he'd gotten there.

He couldn't be alone with only the screams of Arahabaki to keep him company, so he had to keep his relationship with Dazai. He couldn't lose him, because no matter how much they bickered, quarreled, and fought, Chuuya loved him. He needed him.

So, he apologized. He apologized and meant it because what he'd said was shitty and he couldn't lose another friend.

Dazai was quiet for a long while before he finally spoke, "oh, um… it's fine."

Another spot of awkward silence reigned between the two.

"Okay, that's enough emotions for one day!"

"Dazai you gave me a fucking black eye, I swear to god, if you don't apologize too-"

Dazai laughed, before sobering up under Chuuya's glare, "I was kidding, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Upon noticing that Chuuya did not find his so-called joke funny at all, Dazai immediately began to backtrack, "it's just this whole thing isn't really something I'm used to doing. We've just never really talked like this, so it's just… well," Dazai paused, collecting himself, "I… I'm sorry. I shouldn't have punched you that was… well I don't know what I was thinking, but it was stupid. I'm sorry," a distant look filled Dazai's eyes, "I'm sorry for what happened back at the prison too. It's just... I wasn't thinking clearly. I didn't expect Fyodor to use you back at Mersault, so when he did, I panicked and came up with the first plan I could with the limited time I had. I didn't want you to drown. I swear. It was just the only way I saw us both making it out of there alive... the only way I saw you making it out of there alive. There was just so much going on and you were a vampire and everything just happened all at once and-"

Chuuya held a hand up, cutting Dazai off.

"I was a… vampire?" He inspected Dazai's pupils. "Dazai… are you high?"

Dazai sputtered, "high? What? No… or well, I guess I had a bit to drink earlier, but that doesn't count. Whoever owns this place left some great champagne in one of the cupboards. You should really try it later! But uh, yeah, why were you asking?"

Chuuya studied him carefully. He was definitely going to try that champagne later, but he still wasn't sure whether or not Dazai was telling the truth about being high, because if he was telling the truth then why the hell had he been a vampire?

It took a moment, but finally, realization dawned upon Dazai's features, as he eventually figured out where Chuuya was coming from.

Interest lit up in his eyes.

"You don't remember? Interesting… well there's this ability user named Bram Stoker, whose ability can be used to turn others into vampires, essentially taking away one's sense of self," Dazai paused, "Chuuya, what is the last thing you remember before Mersault?"

He didn't want to believe it, but what Dazai was saying was starting to make sense. He'd heard of Bram Stoker before through his work and it was an easy explanation for the gap in time that he was missing, but still, he knew himself and that he wasn't one to typically be caught off guard so easily. It bothered him to know that someone had one-upped him and taken what could've easily been months of his life.

"The last thing I remember is going on some kind of mission for Mori, but I can't remember what for. Then, it's just like there's this large blank period of time. It's like some kind of fucking hole has been dug into my memory and I can't remember a single fucking thing about it," A bitter laugh escaped him. "So, that whole time I was a vampire, then? A fucking vampire, under someone else's control? I can't keep playing this same fucking game over and over again of being someone else's goddamn dog! It's too much Dazai and I just… I'm so tired. I'm so goddamn fucking tired. I can't keep doing this anymore."

"I'm sorry," this time Dazai's voice wasn't hidden underneath the countless layers that he usually used to protect himself. Something that had long been ingrained in him from a young age. This time his voice was genuine. Real. "You don't deserve to feel that way."

Chuuya watched as Dazai stared distantly at the far wall as though he could see something that no one else could and looked down as he felt the expanse of Dazai's palm covering his gloved one.

"I didn't want to drown you nor did I want to force you into using corruption," Dazai spoke, his voice low and reminiscent, "but seeing you so powerless next to someone as powerful as Fyodor was, I saw drowning you and just acting like an asshole in general as the only way to ever possibly break you free of Bram Stoker's ability. That way, I could make you angry enough to subconsciously give over control to Arahabaki, before returning you to yourself and Fyodor would be taken out regardless. I don't want to lose you Chuuya and honestly, I was terrified ," Dazai's voice cracked, as his gaze returned to Chuuya's own, and his grip on Chuuya's hand tightened. "The thing is though, and I might be wrong, but I think that you returned to yourself before you gave up control to Arahabaki and I still can't figure out how or why. It happened right before you disappeared underneath the water and that… that honestly terrified me, Chuuya, when I saw your eyes again. Your real eyes slip underneath the water. You slip underneath the water. It scared me and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for always being such a dick. For never being there when you needed me. I'm sorry for being so selfish. I'm sorry for all of the countless times I've left. I just… no matter how much this voice in my head tells me to keep people at an arm's length, to keep you at an arm's length and just let go, when the opportunity arises, it's terrifying," Dazai looked down at their intertwined hands, "I don't want to lose you. I can't. So, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for all the times I've hurt you. I don't want to be this way and it seems cliche to say I'm going to change, but I want to change Chuuya, I really do, because I can't lose you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Okay," Chuuya replied, "it's okay."

Together, they sat there on the couch, their hands clasped together in between them.

Finally, Dazai was the one to break the silence, meeting Chuuya's eyes once more.

"Chuuya, can I tell you something? It's just, you don't have to say anything back but I just need you to know that I, well… Chuuya I-"

A loud banging sounded at the front door and the two sprung apart, as the banging only seemed to increase in volume.

"Police! Ouvrez!"

Well fuck.