THE CHOSEN ONES — PART 6
Troy's voice came from another planet. Nick struggled to grasp at the meaning, struggled to open his eyes and move anything at all. It felt that if he did, he'd pass out with all certainty.
"No," he muttered, more like pushed the sound out. "But I'll have to be…"
Alicia followed Troy downstairs, though without the ability to move as quickly and steadily as he did, it took her longer. He disappeared out of the cabin ahead of her and she paused in the open doorway, squinting through the darkness until she recognized the jeep and heard him address her brother.
A ripple of fear took hold of her at Troy's tone, instantly assuming the worst and bounding off the porch to catch up with the two, trying to peer around Troy's tall frame.
"Nick?"
Troy crouched once Alicia caught up behind him, struggling to get a good look at Nick to see if any more damage had been done or if what he was seeing was already what he knew.
"How'd the exchange go?" Troy asked, reaching in to take a hold of Nick's wrist and to help him out of the car.
Nick pulled his hand away from Otto's grasp, mourning the loss of stillness that was feeling better than moving. With a grunt and a lot of efforts that almost made him sick, Nick climbed out and leaned against the side of the car to keep upright.
"I only saw George and Matthew," he said. "They were looking all over for her, making themselves crazy, wondering what bad shit could have gotten her – or maybe that made the fatal mistake and that bad shit was you.
"She cried, they seemed shocked. But they were happy to see she was alive. They were grateful to have her back safe."
He detached from the car and went for the cabin, hoping to not trip over his feet or anything else on the ground. The stairs were a bitch, too. Nick didn't really know how he got to a chair, but it was good to sit down again. There was a bottle of water on the table next to him. He took a few hungry gulps, felt slightly better.
Once more Alicia felt like she was missing some crucial part of the story – their story.
She followed her brother, keeping a firm hold of the banister as she moved in case the steps would start to shift again. Thankfully they didn't.
They had left the lantern upstairs and the kitchen was still dark, making it hard to gauge how damaged Nick truly was. So she got up close, took his hand in hers to inspect it but was unable to continue from there, idly tracing the lines of his palm with a finger, smiling slightly at how little sparks rose in the wake of her touch. Like those sparklers they used on fourth of July. It was pretty.
Troy let the siblings go on ahead into the house and changed direction to the garage to let the horse out for a bit.
It meandered out freely and immediately headed for the grass.
Troy scrubbed his hands across his face tiredly, walked back to the car and got in, driving it away from where Nick had parked to dispose of it as Troy'd wanted to earlier.
It didn't take him long.
When he returned a few minutes later, the horse was still feeding. He decided to leave it outside for the time being while he tended to the animal's water, deciding to busy himself with the task now that he had a little time.
He collected the cooler from where he knew he left it the morning, wiped out the gross shit at the bottom, throwing it into the tall grass in the distance, and then went into the house with it to wash it out in the tub.
Confident that the two siblings would look after one another.
Her fingers tickled Nick's palm, grounding him. He felt he could have easily passed out in this dark while sitting down if it wasn't for Alicia and what he recalled she was going through. Still.
He could barely see her. They needed more light here. He glanced into the living room and the fireplace.
They were quiet for a long time and it was nice. Soothing. Alicia played with the pretty sparkles for a while and when they disappeared settled for simply stroking Nick's hand, pathetically trying to comfort him. She had a feeling he was fading. If only they could clean the blood off him, patch him up, maybe he'd feel better.
"You have a flashlight?" Nick asked when Troy came in. "We need to light the fireplace. Can't sit in the dark all night, however stupid it sounds."
"You should let Troy give you a bath," Alicia whispered once Otto came back inside, releasing Nick's hand to brush some of his hair from his face. "And sleep. You both need sleep. You look like shit."
"Are you actually planning of sitting up?" Troy asked approaching the stairs. Didn't seem likely considering Nick was having a really hard time keeping his eyes open. "Why not just get yourselves upstairs and into bed?"
He laughed in response to Alicia's whispered suggestion and then headed upstairs to finish his task.
"I'll freshen the water for you, master!" he called, mimicking what he could remember of Igor's voice, breaking out into a new blast of satisfied chuckles.
Troy entered the bathroom and immediately went in search of the light on the counter. He turned it on, dropped the cooler into the bloodied water and rinsed out the inside.
He stopped after a while, rolling his head on his shoulders, exhausted and sore.
He straightened again, shaking out the kinks the last few days of strain created, and walked to the counter, picking up the needle to rethread it.
He took off his shirt, cleaning the wound to make sure there was nothing caught in it, and then unsteadily began to sew, barely making a sound as he stitched it together.
Troy's mocking was funny, but Nick was too tired to laugh. Seeing he didn't want to be of help with what Nick was asking of him, Nick made himself get up again, patting at his jeans for a lighter. It was miraculously still in his pocket.
He lit it and checked the fireplace. There was wood in it, probably prepared by Henry. Some more was stacked next to it. A few newspapers lying next to it. He scrunched one, stuffed it under the wood in the fireplace and brought his lighter to it. It flickered on, licked at the offerings, burning brighter. The room started to light up more. He sat on the floor, looking at the fire for a moment, then turned to regard Alicia.
"How you feeling? Are you okay?"
No one seemed to take her suggestions seriously, which Alicia probably would have found insulting any other day but didn't seem to matter now. She watched Nick make a fire and once it caught and burned brightly moved in close, lured by the warmth it provided. She crouched down beside the fireplace, holding her hands out but careful not to touch.
"Reckon I'm better than you," she answered honestly, gaze transfixed by the flames and the way they danced. "Even if I'm losing my mind. Should I get you bandages? Troy left them with Jake. But if I'm really quiet I might manage to sneak past him."
Troy broke the needle free of the last inch of thread, wincing as it tore at the sensitive flesh it was holding together and tossed it into the sink to be cleaned and dumped later.
He bandaged himself and redressed, walking off the lingering ache as he headed for the cooler. He removed it from the water, letting the last filth drain by balancing it on the edge and bent to pull the plug.
The comfort of the job didn't escape him. There was a sense of peace about it, a semblance of purpose that stemmed past the experimentation, survival and everyday tests of endurance.
A line of chores that allowed him to connect to people in a way Troy usually couldn't or hadn't in the past.
He turned off the battery-powered light to save it and removed the cooler from where it sat hovering over the bath, dragging it back downstairs, unsurprised to find that Nick had already taken care of the light.
Troy guessed Nick wasn't going to bed just yet.
He headed into the kitchen, stepping over the molehill of horse poop that had dried and that Alicia had semi-massacred in her probing earlier, and sought a jug, filling the cooler with a bit of water.
Considering the weak pressure, it wasn't quick.
But he eventually got it done and carried it outside past the two toward the garage.
Alicia's words made Nick wonder and marvel at how incredibly the unreal interlaced with reality in her mind. It was seamless. She didn't get scared at things that would make many people sprout grey hair. She was calm, collected, and seemed in control, to some extent. It could waver many times this night, from good to bad and worse – depending on what she had taken. But for now, he looked at her with admiration and a little envy. She was not collapsing with weariness any time soon, as far as he could tell. He needed a pick-me-up himself if he was going to keep up. He needed to locate the med kit. Jeep. It had to be in the Jeep.
"What did they give you, Alicia?" he ventured, wondering if she even remembered it. "Was it a pill, or a shot? Before the red tent, or in it, maybe? Do you remember?"
She looked at him, frowning in thought, trying to go through her memories like a slide-show.
"Water. I drank some water. They tried to feed me bread, but I wouldn't have it. And then… some sort of tea. I didn't want that either, but they held me down. It made me feel sick."
That much she remembered. Or maybe it was just that the nausea had never truly left. She drew her legs to her chest and rested her chin on her knees, staring into the fire.
"I tried to make them give you back to me," she whispered. "I think I almost made it. Cause they were scared when I threatened to kill myself. But then…" Those stupid tears re-appeared again. She wiped them on her knees.
"The spirits distracted me. I'm sorry, Nick. I should have tried harder."
Nick absorbed the information hungrily, and though it was a bit of work to get his mind gear rolling, he tried his best to focus on analyzing what she recollected.
A tea could mean a herb, or a bunch of herbs. There were a lot of herbs that made people hallucinate. Belladonna for one. Some mushrooms – which he doubted it was. Some inner feeling, intuition guided him toward the herbal solution.
Her apology made him smile. He loved her so much it hurt. All that tenderness he felt for her threatened to bust his chest open. "You saved me just in time, Lisha," he said softly, an encouraging, affectionate smile claiming his mouth. "You saved me out there. I should be sorry you had to."
Another thing came to his mind, and he tried to steer back to the subject.
"Tell me about those spirits. What did you see?"
Alicia sniffled a little, holding onto his words like a life-line, so grateful he wasn't angry or disappointed. So grateful he was here with her.
The topic of the spirits made her straighten and she looked at him with a growing smile, eyes glistening with joy.
"Fireworks. All sorts of colors bursting all around me in the air. Sparkling. Dancing. Playing. It was beautiful, Nick. I wish you could have seen it."
Nick smiled at how her eyes sparkled when she described. Like she was a kid again, with no coldness and apathy she had gained in years of high school, collecting all her will to make a break away from home (and mom; and him with all his shit). That kid in her hadn't died, after all. It was a bit sad that the drug had pulled it out, but it was warming his heart to watch, nonetheless.
"I'm sure it was awesome," he said, smiling. "What else did you see? Tell me everything. Be my eyes."
Be my eyes. Alicia liked this game. She closed her eyes and tried to remember all the vivid things she had seen today, to share her experience with her brother who looked like he could use some joy.
"I saw… the stars. They were sparkling, too. Whispering to me all sort of secrets. And there were flowers. Really pretty flowers that swayed. And fruit that tasted sweeter than anything I've ever had before. And then…"
She frowned, trying to remember.
"Then I couldn't move, because they had tied me to the altar, and the men were looking at me and licking their lips, and their eyes were cruel and hungry, and all around me people died, Travis, Matt, Jake, Dad… And they were angry and it was all my fault, and then they put you at my feet and I tried to wake you but you couldn't because you were dead too, and your face wasn't your face anymore, you were one of them, the infected, and they wanted me to hurt you but I couldn't."
Words fell from her lips like an unstoppable avalanche, her breath hitching in her throat and getting stuck there, struggling to free itself so she could inhale. Her eyes were wide and panicked, her heart throbbing so hard and fast she worried it was going to burst through her chest. She clutched at her throat in despair, trying to dislodge that suffocating sensation.
"The world is moving too quickly and I can't keep up, Nick, and Jake is hiding in the dark and he is so angry with me because I didn't come here with him. Because I came here with Troy and you, and I left him behind to rot."
She started so well, so excited, and then it trickled into an anxiety attack. Nick hated seeing her so restless and scared and worried at the same time. It felt like too much for just one heart to handle.
He reached for her and gently pulled her to him to embrace in hope of helping her calm down.
"It's okay, Lisha, it's okay," he murmured, kissing her head. "Jake's not mad. He could never be mad at you. You meant a lot to him. He wants you to be safe, and he knows you're safe with us. He knows it. I want you to breathe deeper. Close your eyes, breathe in, then out. In… and out. Then the world will slow down as you do, okay? Try it. It's gonna be fine."
The tirade she had poured on him played in his head, bits and pieces repeating as he searched for answers, skimming through things he knew. It sounded like some potent thing. He knew some mushrooms could be like that. But the tea… It made him think of that small cactus Indians liked to use. Mostly shamans. It had to be it. They had been using it for generations for vivid visions like these. They aimed to talk to spirits. And here it all was. A trip of a lifetime without addiction.
She felt warm, almost feverish. It could happen after lots of drugs. It should pass later.
Alicia didn't believe him, because she knew he would always downplay his own misery in order to protect her, but she didn't have it in her to fight him on it at the moment. She shuffled close to his side again, trying to share in his warmth before the temptation of the fire in front of them became too strong, and she scooted closer to that instead, wishing she could press herself up against the warm metal oven to rid herself of this dreadful chill that seemed to have taken root in her bones.
She reached for the flames with her uninjured hand, lips parting in a smile at the promise of the fire licking across her fingers, maybe even weaving in and out between them like serpents. That reminded her…
"Troy drank the rainbow snake. It might make him pee colors. But I don't think it's dangerous."
Nick didn't stop her as she shifted closer to the fireplace, but when she started reaching into the flames, he pulled her back to him, wrapping his arms around her.
"Don't try to touch the fire," he warned. "It can burn you, and you won't even notice. What rainbow snake are you talking about?"
She grinned, suddenly feeling mischievous, no longer worried about Troy's potential anger.
"It was in the water. He drank it. I didn't, cause… I'm smart."
"Nice," he commented, amused.
Once more she reveled in his warmth as he wrapped her in his embrace, and she returned the favor, looping her arms around his waist and letting her face rest in the crook of his neck. It was nice. Rare, but nice. They hadn't really cuddled since they were kids.
Thinking that they'd had enough time alone to get reacquainted and through the tough part of what they might again need to talk about to heal, Troy summoned the horse over with a click of his tongue. The horse is reluctant, forcing him to go over and fetch it like a disobedient child. He got it. It didn't like being caged in such a confined space. Animal or no animal. No one would.
But what other option was there? Troy knew for certain there was dead out there—in the area—and only a matter of time before they funneled over this way and had their first taste of horsemeat.
Troy petted its muzzle, murmuring the same reassurances Jake had plied him with a kid when things had become pretty nasty in the house and he needed to silence his little brother.
It appeared to work on the animal and before long it was greedily suckling in the water Troy'd provided it with.
"Sleep tight, Fido," he said in goodbye, closing the door on it again for the night.
Troy eyed the lump of black he knew was the jeep, and started back to the porch, deciding at last minute to retrieve the cooler box from it with the food.
Alicia had said she wasn't hungry, but considering how high she was that could change as soon as she actually caught a whiff of some. One of the things he remembered doing consistently the night Nick introduced him to his own. Like you couldn't get enough until the nausea kicked in. And then you started all over again.
Troy'd never felt hungry like that before and he never wanted to again.
Troy carried the cooler inside, being careful to slide it around the door and set it down beside the couch where Nick and Alicia were huddled together.
"Hungry?"
Alicia shook her head a no in response to Troy's offer of food. She was feeling full, like she had done nothing but eat all day. She leaned against her brother, eyes on the fire while the two talked, feeling that delightful sense of calm and serenity settle over her. She felt safe.
"I'm not," Nick responded, not certain he could keep anything down if he tried. On the brink of passing out, eating didn't seem like a good idea. There were other options, however, that could help.
"Is the med kit still in the car?"
"Yeah, it is."
Troy considered Nick. He was still covered in blood and he'd struggled to get inside from the junker car, but that could have been old and new bruises coming together to cripple him temporarily.
"I'll get it," Troy added, assuming Nick wasn't going to tell him if anything was wrong anyway since he'd been sucking it up since Troy pulled him out of the water.
Otto snaked his way through the doorway again, jogged to the jeep and unlocked the door.
It took him ten minutes to find the kit in the dark.
As he slipped back inside, Troy tossed it down onto the couch beside Alicia where Nick could help himself to it or she could hand it to him and picked up the cooler to carry it to the kitchen.
He set it down where he knew the table to be and then headed upstairs to the bathroom.
When he returned he had the lantern in hand and the light was adding to the yellowy glow of the fire.
Nick noted where he put the med kit, but didn't move away from Alicia. He wasn't going anywhere until she had to move. With her unpredictable high, he wasn't taking any chances.
Alicia subtly watched Troy haul a large container inside and briefly felt curious about its contents, considering going to explore but decided against it because Nick's arms still encircled her and he seemed reluctant to let go. So she stayed where she was a while yet, liking that Troy brought the lantern back downstairs to chase away the shadows created by the fire.
She reached for it, silently demanding he give it to her to hold.
There were only the three of them there now, no unwanted dead, no additional voices. They could relax. In theory anyway. It seemed her two companions found that hard.
"Will they come for us again?" she asked, gaze consumed by the light. "The people at the lake?"
"If any of them survived and has balls enough to find us?" Troy said. "I wouldn't doubt it. They were batshit crazy and revenge is a go to emotion that everyone can appreciate."
He surely did and if it were him, that's exactly what Troy would do—would have done—had Nick not returned tonight.
He eyed Alicia's outstretched hand a moment and then gave her the lamp, heading toward the kitchen area where he'd left the cooler so that he could scratch around for a can opener.
Unless they already had one?
They had grabbed so much over the last day and a half that he hadn't made an inventory yet.
"Those who didn't survive will come, too," Nick remarked lazily and shot a glance toward the door to make sure Troy pushed the couch back against it.
Alicia trailed her fingers over the lantern, watching it in deep concentration, though she had heard everything the boys had said. It should be a frightening thought – it was a frightening thought, but it didn't elicit any other reaction in her at the moment than a severe thoughtfulness. She definitely didn't want to be separated from Nick and Troy again, but she did trust them to find her if she was lost. Or she would find them. But in the hands of those people… Who knew if she would even be able to.
"If they come here, if they catch me, you need to put a bullet in my head," she said serenely, placing the lantern down on the floor beside Nick and herself. "If I am unable to do so myself."
"If it gets to that point and there is no way out. You got it," Troy supplied, smiling to himself, amused by the macabre lingering and the request itself.
He'd never thought of Alicia as a defeatist. Then again, since she'd taken up with Jake he hadn't thought about her much at all. Not in a sense that wasn't purely sexual and self-gratifying.
Troy found a can opener and a spoon, removing a can of something from inside the cooler—not bothering to be fussy—and headed to make himself comfortable on the abandoned couch.
"No one's gonna catch you," Nick put in tiredly. "Not tonight."
Nick hated to think about tomorrow. Were there any survivors? Would they find their way back here and try to avenge their tribe? How many dead would come down the hills during the night? Would any go for the ranch? Had George and his people doubled their guard?
Had Katie told them the truth? Would they meet the trio tomorrow with guns rather than hello because of Timmy and whatever else Troy did to Katie Nick didn't know about?
"You locked the horse?" Nick asked Troy, pushing the thoughts aside.
Alicia smiled at Troy from across the room, pleased by his promise, and shifted in Nick's arms to get to her feet. She suddenly realized she needed to pee something fierce, and moved for the stairs, confident she would be able to climb them this time with no problem due to the current lack of interference from Jake. She still held onto the railing, though, and paused to watch the two a beat before continuing on her journey.
"You both need stitches? Should I bring the kit from upstairs?"
She couldn't remember if Troy had brought it down with him or if there had even been a kit at all. But she assumed.
"Both the horse and I are taken care of," Troy said, addressing both their questions at once. He offered each a lazy smile and busied himself with the can.
After opening it, he dropped the can opener onto the sofa and dug in with the spoon, taking large mouthfuls until it was finished and he was feeling less inclined to throw up.
It had been a long freaking day.
"No, just bring yourself," Nick said, hoping he could forgo following her around even to the bathroom. If that was where she suddenly wanted to go. He could think of nothing else she would need up there. "Or I'll go looking for you in five minutes."
When she went up the stairs, he let himself lie down on the floor, relaxing his strained and almost numb back, trying him best to not close his eyes and lose the connection to reality. It felt very fragile and thinning.
Alicia heard Nick's warning and disregarded it. It would take as long as it needed to, and he'd just have to accept that.
Finding the bathroom in the dark was harder than she had anticipated, but she managed. She made use of the toilet and turned the faucet on to wash her hand, keeping the bandaged one out of the way as per Doctor Otto's instructions.
Troy and Nick's voices rose to the second floor as she exited the bathroom. She couldn't hear what they were saying but they sounded serene enough. They didn't need her back at once. Which was fortunate because someone else had caught her attention now. Matt. He was standing in the hallway looking like, well, himself. He smiled at her, that gentle smile that always made her heart flutter. It still worked.
"We should leave tomorrow," Nick told Troy. "After I return the horse."
"You're returning the horse tomorrow?" Troy asked, setting aside the finished cans. "They already have the girl, they don't need Fido. How can you trust they're not going to end up eating him?"
Nick turned his head to look at him to see if he was for real or having Nick on.
"They have the girl because she's their family, Troy. And no, they're not gonna eat the horse. He's safer there than with us, I thought it was decided. When did that change?"
"It changed when they drugged you and stole you away in the middle of the night."
Troy thought it was obvious and why was he even explaining himself?
"Why didn't you? You that desperate to believe that there is good in the world that you can't see that those people are weak? That even if they didn't know anything about the children, which I don't believe, that they're going to get Fido and themselves killed."
"Are you seriously shitting me now, Troy? Those people aren't bad, no matter what that pagan gang got into their kids' heads. They'll handle it now that they know. And they're not weak. They're armed, they have been taking care of themselves all this time. They take care of their horses and their cattle, you saw that. You can't downplay all that just because Katie got confused and they manipulated her into helping."
"They did all of that under their noses. What did they think happened to those other people? That they just crept out in the middle of the night like you supposedly did? Once is a coincidence. Twice is a plan. You're naive if you think otherwise, Nick. You trust too easily."
Which was weird considering how he'd come into Broke Jaw Ranch. Troy guessed the reception was different and that he had reason to be suspicious but it shouldn't matter. Even a smiling face can be a devil.
It would have been near impossible to find her way in the dark, but with Matt guiding her it was easy. He stood out like the moon in the night sky. She followed him down the hallway and into one of the bedrooms, finding him at the window overlooking the trees behind the cabin.
"I'm sorry I left." She still thought of that some days, how she hadn't been there for him when he became sick, how Mom had come to drag her away when she tried.
Alicia leaned against the windowsill and watched him uncertainly. This was not how he had looked in the red tent. He had been rotting then, like all the other infected. But now, he was perfect.
He reached out to trace the shape of her tattoo on her arm, and she closed her eyes, reveling in the tingling-sensation that spread across her skin at his touch.
Matt didn't say anything. He just smiled that smile, showing her everything was okay. She could see him now even when her eyes were shut. Like his image had been nailed to the back of her eyelids.
"I missed you."
"That's how it goes nowadays," a male voice said, and Matt crumbled to the floor in front of her. She startled and fell back, staring wide-eyed at the figure that had just appeared. Jack. The mistake that almost got everyone killed. The mistake she made.
"That one dies," Jack said nonchalantly, gesturing to Matt before setting his gaze on her. "This one lives."
"I don't have to trust them!" Nick said. "That's the point. I'm not gonna stick around, so I don't have to get any deeper into whatever is going on in there. So why are you riding me about it?"
"I thought you cared about the horse and his survival. Now you're saying you're willing to throw him at them just to make your life easier? That's a bit selfish, isn't it, Nick?"
Troy twisted on the couch so that he could lie down and used the armrest as a pillow.
"She's been up there awhile. You trust she hasn't drowned in the toilet in her state?"
Nick heaved a sigh and winced, getting up.
"If you wanna keep the horse now – just say so. No need to bullshit me about how I'm being selfish. Not after you were gonna release him into the wild from the start."
"I don't want to keep the horse. You did. That's why he's here. That's why you didn't want to leave him out there to survive for himself."
Troy didn't really care what he did with the horse but he wasn't a fan of those people even if Rosemary appeared sickeningly wholesome.
Nick started up the stairs, accelerating the pace as he could, getting worried.
"Alicia? You done there?"
"You left me too," Jack said, inching closer. "Did you miss me?"
"No. Why would I?" Alicia replied honestly, subtly feeling the windowsill behind her with both hands, looking for something, anything, she could use to defend herself if she needed it.
He looked disappointed, if only for a second.
"You reeled me in and just let me go," he said, closing the space between them and bracing his hands against the window on either side of her head. "I didn't want to be let go."
There was something wrong with this Jack, just like there'd been something wrong with Jake. He seemed angrier, more bloodthirsty. He was a liar and a thief and he had gotten people killed. Possibly even done some of the killing himself. But Alicia had never truly been scared of him. His friends, yes, but not Jack.
She was scared now.
"You reeled me in," she reminded him, feeling like they'd had this conversation before. They had, hadn't they? "You lied, you manipulated me, you–"
"Alicia? You done there?"
Alicia frowned, briefly confused by the new voice coming through. It was Nick. Jack looked back over his shoulder.
"Keep him away," he murmured in a low tone. "Wouldn't want him to end up like Matt, would we?"
"I'm fine," Alicia called back to Nick after a moment of hesitation, her fingers locking around something hard and heavy behind her. Some sort of candlestick?
"Good girl." Jack's eyes traveled back to her. He smiled, but there was no warmth in his eyes. "Now, where were we?"
"She doesn't sound fine," Troy supplied without turning to look at him. "Take the light."
Nick didn't go back for the light. He only had so much steam, he had to ration it.
Alicia was in one of two bedrooms upstairs, her back pressed into the windowsill. Even with all the poor light coming from behind her, he could see she was scared. By her posture, by how she clutched something like a weapon in her hand.
"Alicia?" he asked in a soft voice. "Are you okay? What are you seeing?"
"You need to leave," she told Jack, trying to look up at him and meet his gaze without letting her head fall back.
"You don't get to be here. You don't have the right–"
Jack's palms slammed against the window, making it tremble.
"I have every right!" he bellowed, and she cowered, hating herself for it.
She clutched the candlestick in her good hand, and a part of her was just waiting for the opportunity to use it. He noticed and smiled sardonically.
"You gonna kill me, Alicia? Are you a killer like your Mom?"
Nick's voice pierced the room. He sounded close, but she couldn't see him past Jack's towering form.
"Nick, I can handle this." It was more of a hope than knowledge, but she didn't want him involved. He was already hurt and exhausted, even if he didn't want to admit it. He wouldn't last a single round against Jack in his current state.
"Go back downstairs. Please."
Nick could barely see her face, but felt she wasn't looking at him, rather at something she was seeing between her and him. Something close, so close she was readying to strike it.
"Come with me, Alicia," Nick said. "They can't touch you. Even if it looks like it, no one can hurt you in here. Come to me. Just come here. You'll see."
Jack didn't say anything and he shook his head. A silent warning not to try anything. But if he was going to hurt her wouldn't he have done so already? He'd yet to even touch her…
Alicia swallowed and tried to gauge the distance between Jack's arms and herself, if she would be able to slip out from under one of them without him catching her. He was watching her.
"Don't even think about it," he growled, but she tried anyway, darting under him and whirling around, hurling the candlestick at Jack. There was a strange crashing-sound as it hit him in the forehead and he dropped like a sack of potatoes, merging with the dark floor.
Neither had come down and Troy could hear some form of talking happening upstairs. But he couldn't tell if it was good or bad or if Nick needed his assistance.
He listened awhile longer and then sat up and eased off the couch. Bending to pick up the light and rushing for the stairs when suddenly there was a crash as something or someone was thrown.
He reached the top of the landing in three strides and found them in zero time, cutting away the shadows and darkness with ease.
"Everything okay?"
Nick caught Alicia in his arms and held her. She trembled.
"You're okay, it's okay," he murmured to her. "It's okay, it's gone now."
Nick's arms slid around her protectively, but she couldn't find it in her to relax until she was absolutely certain Jack had vanished. She stared at the floor for several seconds, only averting her gaze when Troy appeared behind her brother.
"It's getting very crowded in here," she murmured, not a reference meant for either of them, but for the dead stalking the shadows.
"Except the window," Nick said to Troy when the latter caught up behind him bringing his lantern with him, spilling a yellow circle of light under their feet. "Who were you battling this time, Alicia?"
Alicia shot them both a look of incredulity and confusion. Hadn't they seen for themselves? Though they'd never met Jack, had they? Not even Nick. They wouldn't recognize him.
"It doesn't matter," she said. "He doesn't matter."
Unless he came back. She imagined he would be very angry now.
"Did we lock the door?"
The ghosts. Jake. Right. It was going to be a long night. It made Troy wish they knew what the cult had given her so they could have a timeframe on how long this madness would persist.
"I'll double check and take care of things downstairs," he assured, setting down the lantern outside the bedroom door where it could continue to provide them with light. "Maybe we should try to get some sleep?"
The last statement he directed at Nick as a form of encouragement meant for his sister. Not that he didn't need it but whatever she was suffering might be better slept off.
"I'll be back."
And with that he headed back downstairs.
Nick picked up the lantern and steered Alicia toward the stairs.
"You sure you don't wanna sleep? Maybe at the fireplace if you promise not to stick your hands in it."
"Maybe." Now that her fear had faded somewhat, the world was becoming fuzzy. It was spinning, making her feel sick. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to lie down for a while.
Downstairs, she made use of Nick's suggestion and curled up on the floor in front of the fireplace, lazily watching the flames, hoping they would lull her to sleep.
Troy had moved the couch into position beside the door and placed the cooler on top of it for added weight.
Now what?
The night was drawing to a close and with nothing more than to babysit the high one, there wasn't much else to do. Pity they hadn't found any decent books and Troy hadn't had much time to revisit his journal.
He smiled though, somewhat amused by Alicia as she curled up in the middle of the floor like a cat.
Why hadn't Nick just tucked her in where she was?
Nick settled against the wall when Alicia lay down at the fire, and peered into the window. It was still pitch dark outside. Perhaps two AM or so. Still a while to go for Alicia's high.
"You haven't taken care of yourself yet," Troy reminded, picking up the medical kit Nick had left abandoned on the couch, tossing it toward him once he met Troy's gaze and shifted to help himself to the last of Alicia's water.
Nick caught the med kit as it slid across the floor.
"There's almost nothing to take care of," he said, and picked himself up to get another half-full bottle of water from the table. He took two swallows, then opened the kit for inspection. The baggy with pills was still there, tucked in the corner. He took one and tossed it in his mouth, washed it down with another swallow of water, then closed the kit.
Troy watched him help himself to another bottle of water and pop his pills. He wondered if Nick did it because his aches were catching up or because of he was feeling envious of Alicia's high.
Or if maybe it was just a comfort.
Sleep didn't come. In fact, Alicia couldn't remember ever feeling more awake. But it was okay to not sleep. Cause there were so many beautiful things to look at in the fire. The spirits were there, sparkling and twirling happily, as if they hadn't minded their disciples failing their mission. Or maybe they hadn't? Maybe she was dead and this was the after-life.
Alicia glanced over at Nick and smiled. If she got to spend it with him, it wasn't so bad. It wasn't bad at all.
God, she loved him. She loved him so much she could barely breathe. She got up off the floor and strode over to him.
"I love you," she told him, hugging him tightly. "You've always been my favorite."
Even now, just being close to her big brother made her feel safe. Like nothing could touch her. He'd always had that power. Ever since they were little. He made the monsters go away.
There was movement in her line of sight and she turned her head slightly to see Troy. She released her Nick and moved to him, reaching up to catch his face between her hands, smiling up at him.
"You're so fucking pretty. You need to… wear less shirts."
It seemed important that he knew.
Troy was readying to ask Nick about the pills out of curiosity and with nothing else to do when his sister unfurled and leaped to her feet to rush to him. Well, not at a full run but at a pace that was considered frantic and possibly cute.
Not that Troy used that word to describe anything – ever.
And then it turned, allowing Troy to grin as she took his face into her hands and once again notched his ego. Not that he didn't think that he was attractive. Who didn't like appreciation? Especially misplaced and potential awkward compliments that would probably horrify her the next day once those high ground morals swept back into place and could be held over her head for very many months/years to come?
Troy had a witness now.
"Had I known you were this attracted to me I might have considered a move or flex sooner."
"I'd rather you tried it when she's doing her own thinking," Nick warned with an amused smirk, leaning his head back against the wall.
"You're gonna flex?" Alicia asked, hopeful as my hands and gaze fell to his biceps, shamelessly feeling the contours of his arms. They were nice arms to have.
"I'm not sure Nick would appreciate that." Troy laughed lightly at the fact that she'd taken his sarcasm so literally. The touch wasn't terrible either. He let that go on for as long as needed.
Why had Alicia been so angry with him these past few days, she wondered. It didn't make sense to be angry with someone so… tall.
She turned her head to look at Nick, surveying the room with brief confusion, wondering who he was talking to. Was he being visited by people from the past as well? No, that couldn't be it. They'd said she was high, and Nick wasn't. She was just high. She should try to remind herself of that so she wouldn't do anything stupid or get too scared.
"Nick? When will the world stop spinning?"
Nick glanced at the window once again, and shrugged. "I can't give you a solid timeframe, but it's a long run."
Both their answers were discouraging. Alicia tried not to pout, she really did, but may have failed slightly. It was such a strange feeling. She knew she wasn't right, could even understand the logic that this was all because of some sort of narcotics, and yet at the drop of a hat all that knowledge faded away and everything they told me wasn't real became real.
And so now she began to doubt. She doubted herself, and she doubted them. What if this moment right now, this relatively peaceful and pleasant moment, was just another part of her imagination? What if Jack and Jake and Matt had been real, and Troy and Nick weren't really here at all?
"How am I supposed to tell the difference?" It was more of a question to herself than anyone else. "How do I know what's real and what isn't?"
Troy didn't have extensive experience in that area and he didn't want any but the part that Nick had told him that night of experimentation was that you needed to go with it.
Fighting it made it worse. A whole lot worse.
And maybe that's where she was in her stage of ecstasy?
He reached for her arm and pinched her.
"Feel that? That's real."
"Ow!" Alicia hissed, instinctively turning and smacking Troy's arm, glowering until she fixed her gaze on Nick to hear him out.
Nick contemplated if there was any good way to tell her or teach her. There probably wasn't. When you were hallucinating, there was barely anything to help you distinguish whether it was real or not. Even if you're told otherwise, your brain doesn't listen.
"Troy and I are real, right here with you," Nick said, thinking of nothing better. "The rest might not be as it seems."
They were just words. They proved nothing. But Alicia supposed she would trust Nick, whether imaginary or real.
She nodded, acknowledging their legitimacy.
"Well, I still say your "real" selves look dead tired, and you both should get some sleep."
The smack stung for about half a second, lips twisting into a lazy grin as Troy slowly stepped away from her to make himself at home on the armrest.
"And leave you to burn down the house while we do? I don't know so much about that. The only way that's happening for me is if the fire is out, you have no lighters on you and you're upstairs, too."
"You can go and sleep, Troy, we'll be fine," Nick said. It probably would be true – the pill didn't solve all his problems, but it dulled the aches and gave him a little more steam to run on. It started to seem he could actually last some time more.
Burn the house down? That seemed entirely uncalled for, considering Alicia hadn't tried any of the sort all evening. Or indeed, ever.
"So little trust," she muttered, moving to claim a seat next to Nick and explore the medical kit, sorting the band-aids from the smallest to largest.
"Get real. I'm not the one that needs sleep after what happened today. The two of you are. If anyone should be closing their eyes and recovering, it's the two of you."
Troy didn't have to comment on the trust thing because frankly, he didn't trust her and hadn't been in a situation where she probably trusted him either. Not outside what they did to help Nick, that was.
"You want to leave tomorrow, right? So, if that's the plan, you should at least move to the next location with a clear head."
So that this time they could actually see trouble coming and practice caution with action if need be.
Nick heaved a sigh. "I dunno what happens tomorrow and if we're all fit to leave or not," he confessed. "But she won't be sleeping while she's on it – at least I don't think so. And leaving her to it can be a bad idea, so I'm not going to do that."
"You've a hole in your stomach," Alicia told Troy without looking up from her work. "Holes are draining."
He needed as much sleep as Nick did. They were both just too stubborn to admit it. Must be a man thing.
Listening to what they were both saying made her feel a pang of guilt, like she was the cause they couldn't properly take care of themselves. She looked at Nick, observing him a moment as she put the band-aids back in the kit.
"Maybe you should just tie me up?" she told him calmly. "So you can sleep?"
Troy glanced down at his stomach although he knew he wouldn't find any hole there. Something visceral drove him to do it, some kind of voice in the back of his head that wanted to find reason for her insanity and test it himself.
He brushed it off and moved to pick up another piece of clothing like he had done this morning. Another cotton thing that was easy to rip apart without the need of a knife.
He pulled it into strips, knotting the ends together to give it length and held it up.
Even if it was her suggestion, he had taken the initiative but he wasn't going to force it on her.
"I won't make it tight."
Not as he had done to Katie anyway.
"You're not doing that to her," Nick said, shooting him a glare. "Go upstairs and sleep if you need to, but we're not tying her up. It's not gonna help anything and can make things worse when visions change. If it's what I think it is, better leave her be."
Alicia watched Troy work, fascinated by the sound of tearing fabric. When he showed off the results, she put her wrists together and held them out, completely at ease with the idea until Nick spoke up.
She turned her head to look at him, apologetic.
"Nick, you won't get any rest if you watch me all night. You're gonna make yourself sick."
Nick's glare did nothing. Not that Troy didn't expect it. Like Madison, they were like frothing rabid bound dogs when it came to protecting their family. A sentimentality Troy admired.
Still.
Troy walked over to where she was sitting and knelt in front of her, winking as he took her wrists into his hand and gently wound the cotton around them, weaving them into a bracelet.
"She's a big girl, Nick. She can decide for herself."
Alicia let Troy encircle her wrists with the makeshift rope, watching how he did it, suspecting he had some sort of experience with knots from before. Maybe he'd been a boy scout as a child? Or maybe it was the military training?
Nick ripped his hands off her and threw the piece of fabric away.
"I know what I'm saying, and you don't know squat about what it is like to be where she is right now," he stated, glaring at Troy. "Your little adventure at El Bazar was nothing compared to mescaline. Nothing. So stop pushing your shit when I tell you to lay off. Just lay off and mind your own business. I know what I'm doing here, and you don't. So let me handle what I know. Go. And sleep."
Thoughts that faded from Alicia the moment Nick swept Troy's hands away and ripped the fabric off her wrists. The anger in his voice was not something she had often encountered. Not when he was clean and sober anyway. It didn't scare her, but it did make her feel like absolute shit for upsetting him.
She put her hand on his arm, feebly trying to soothe him. "I'm sorry. We won't do it. I'm sorry."
Irritation spiked like red hot lava and for the second time that day Troy found himself annoyed with his inflexibility to make things easier.
There was barely any attempt to meet him halfway.
Troy let his hands fall away from her wrists, although given his fatigue, he could have very easily overpowered them both.
Another time. Another place.
He eased off the floor, dusting his knee for effect while she made her pleas and headed for the stairs.
Once he found his way into his short-term bedroom, he didn't bother to undress, flopping onto his back on the mattress, sluggishly giving into the jolt of ensnaring exhaustion.
"You're not the one to apologize for it, Alicia," Nick said, slightly relieved to see Troy following the advice at least this time. "You're doing better than some would, tying you up is not an answer."
Tying him up never ended with anything good for Nick. It felt wrong. It would have made things easier, but not for Alicia, and that had to be the priority in this.
Troy didn't get it. Nick didn't really expect him to. He wasn't there yet. He possibly wouldn't get it for a long time, if ever. And that was a sad thought.
There was confrontation in the air and Alicia didn't like it. It made her feel uncertain, unsure of what to do, how to act, what to say.
Troy retreated upstairs without another word to either of them, and that felt wrong, too. Made her nervous. For some reason it filled her with the same unease she'd felt whenever Mom and Dad would fight.
"Maybe it's over now," she said quietly when they were alone. "I feel okay."
Nick shook his head instead of replying. It wasn't going to be over for a while.
She leaned back against the wall beside Nick, pulling her legs to her, eyeing her bare feet thoughtfully.
"I miss nail polish. My toes look weird without it."
She wriggled them for good measure to prove her point and pulled her feet close for inspection, tracing the numerous tiny cuts and scrapes at her soles with a finger.
Her comment made him laugh quietly.
"I'm not a good adviser on that," he admitted. "But if we ever find some nail polish – it's yours. How about that? We won't let Troy claim it."
Alicia grinned, throwing her brother a sidelong glance.
"I'll fight him to the death. Especially if it's black. Black goes with everything."
The red lines beneath her feet came alive, slowly intertwining and connecting, like branches on a tree. She blinked slowly, watching. It was a soothing view. But she could make it better.
She used her good hand to press her fingernails into the wounds, cutting just enough for a little bit of blood to appear.
"I bleed color," she whispered happily, repeating the process, in awe of how the red mixed with blues and yellows and greens. Her feet were a painting. "Is that why you became addicted? Because it helped you see beauty?"
Her new fixation made Nick wince. It wasn't all that amazing how pain still evaded her, but it would come back with a bang after the good old peyote left her mind.
He took her wrists gently, pulling them away from her feet.
"That's gonna hurt later, Alicia, don't do it. And, to be frank, my high was never really as high as yours right now. Yours makes mine look ridiculously boring. And it's a scary idea."
It suddenly occurred to him how their mom would freak out to see Alicia on drugs. He couldn't help a laugh.
Alicia didn't fight him when he tugged her wrists away, but she couldn't quite tear her gaze off the pretty colors either. It was hard to look away. His laughter broke the spell, though, and she turned to watch him instead, delighted by the slight smile on his face.
"Then why do you like it?"
In the back of her mind she knew it was a ridiculous question. Addicts didn't have to like their addictions, that's not how it worked. But she still felt curious.
"Does it make things… quiet?" she whispered and leaned in close as if divulging a secret. "Sometimes I'd like things to be quiet. Just for a little while."
Nick looked at her for a moment, debating whether he should just come up with something simple and lame or actually answer honestly. If he went for the latter, she could forget it all, and then… Well, maybe she didn't really want to know, anymore. She tried asking him in the beginning, but he could never really explain. He couldn't fully understand it, either. Not deeper than the lame 'it makes me feel good'. Now he felt he had a bigger picture, if he tried to uncover it from the depths of his mind and self-analysis.
"It does make things quiet," he agreed, studying her pretty face, her eyes that sparkled as though she went back to being six and eager for his company. It made him remember how he missed that feeling – of being needed by her, of being that one she always yearned to be around. "It also made things painless, distant, unimportant. It made me feel secure and safe. Like all troubles were too far away to ever reach me again. It was an escape to my comfort zone."
Alicia listened attentively and when he finished she nodded after processing the information he'd given her. She knew it had to be something like that. Mom's excuses of "he's just doing what the other kids are doing" and "he's testing boundaries and trying to get back at me" never really held up.
"Is it still hard?" she asked after a while, catching his hand in hers to trail a finger along the lines of his palm like she had done before. "Do you still crave it? Heroin?"
It was a question she probably would never have asked under different circumstances. Especially not in Mom's presence. But it felt easier now. Maybe this whole experience could lift some of the blinds from Nick's eyes and make him realize she was not as perfect as he thought she was.
She was like a kid in the way her brain worked now, as it seemed. She was asking questions that sounded simple enough but contained things only adult could grasp. Nick didn't know if she would process the answers like that or just take what she could at the moment from them. But he couldn't answer it with simple yes. It was too dumb, and it was nowhere close to a real answer. Not the way it felt for him.
Nick had some weird intuitive temptation to tell her what he thought could be the answer, or at least contain it, to some degree. It might be best to try while she was in her altered state of mind. It felt worth a try.
"After the ranch fell and you wanted to be on your own," he started, "Troy and I left you and went back to El Bazar in Mexicali. Mom and Strand were waiting for Daniel to come for Ofelia. Turned out Ofelia was bit during the whole herd situation. They found out on their way to the trading post. When we arrived, she was in a bad shape. Burning up, unconscious. Mom was devastated to learn you didn't come. She had a small breakdown and cried. I sent her to get some air and sat with Ofelia. There were pills next to her for the pain.
"And then, looking at those pills, I suddenly felt all of it, all of that need and yearning to just take it and escape. I suddenly felt so trapped, like there was no easy way out. It took me back to why I started it all to begin with. And I went for it. I even made Troy take some because it sucked to be alone with the guilt. With him, it was sorta different. It felt better for a while. It felt like I could breathe again. I took those damn pills so I could breathe again, Lisha. Because when mom cried in my arms, I felt I couldn't breathe, anymore. Like I was back in some trap no one else saw, but I felt it in my very bones.
"Next morning, I told her we would stay at the post for a while. And she gave me that look, that old look I knew so well. Like I chose to become trash again. And when she left for the dam and I stayed behind, I felt she took the trap with her. I felt good. If Troy didn't find out about the proctors' plans, we wouldn't have come."
He fell silent for a moment, wondering if it made sense to her as it did to him. Either way, it felt good to have said it.
"Being an addict stays forever, Lisha," he added. "The urge to dive back stays. That feeling of coziness keeps luring you back. But not so much when there's no reason for it around you. It's easier without it."
That was a lot of information at once, and it seemed she needed longer time to process it all than normal. She was silent for a long while, trying to sift through it all, realizing she might have to revisit this conversation later when her head was clear.
Alicia reached out and cupped his cheek with her good hand, smiling warmly and ensuring he met her gaze.
"I love you so much, Nick. And I'm glad you're letting me in, telling me stuff. It's important to me."
She paused, considering what he had said about Mom and suddenly feeling a little uncertain.
"Do I make you want to use?"
Her response took a long while to cook. It was a lot to dump on her while she wasn't thinking in her usual manner, but now that he had, it felt right somehow. The way she reacted made him doubt she truly understood, but the question that followed proved she had absorbed more than it seemed.
Nick shook his head, smiling a bit sadly, feeling deeply responsible for her having an idea like that at all. It was unforgivable for him to make it possible for her to ever wonder about it.
"You never did, not once," he assured vehemently. "You're the one I failed most because you never ever deserved any of the crap you got from me. I had no right to put you through all of it. You're the best thing I ever had in life, Lisha. I'm so sorry for all the care and love you gave me for years that I couldn't return."
Those words meant more to Alicia than she could ever explain. It seemed to soothe some old and deep-rooted insecurity, brushed away some of the anger she had been carrying with her all this time.
"You're returning it now," she said, scooting closer to him so she could rest her head on his shoulder. "And I think I understand… a little. You were trying to get away from a place, a person, who made your life too hard. You just wanted to be free."
Alicia wasn't sure if that was what he'd been trying to tell her, but it made sense in her head.
Nick smiled with more sadness than humor. Now seemed horribly late to be giving her what he should've never stopped showering her with. But there was nothing he could do to fix the past. It would die with him.
"I just never had your patience," he admitted. "You were working for your freedom while I used the easy way that wasn't even a way - just an escape room. A temporary relief. But without it, I was drowning."
Alicia wrapped her arms around him, resting her forehead against the side of his head. She really wanted to take his sadness away, but she didn't know how.
"It's okay," she whispered, squeezing him. "I won't let you drown anymore. I'll keep you safe."
Nick chuckled softly. "Isn't it still my job to keep you safe? I'm not planning on evading that duty, anymore."
Alicia smiled at that, pulling away so she could toy with his hair, possibly braid it.
"We'll keep each other safe," she said. "And Troy too," she added as an afterthought in case he was listening in. She didn't want to hurt his feelings.
Her gaze drifted to the window and she stared out at the darkness, smiling when the stars outside began to twinkle brighter and brighter. Like disco lights.
"They're such show-offs. Should we go outside and dance?"
"We still don't know how many, if anyone, survived that night, and how long it would take the dead to find their way back here. We better stay indoors until the sun's up and high."
"Yes." She'd forgotten about the lake people for a moment. And, of course, Nick was right. It would be unsafe. But it also felt unbearable to remain sitting any longer, so she got to her feet to walk around the room, examining the walls and the pattern in the wood.
"Do you want to know a secret?" she asked absentmindedly and continued before he had a chance to answer. "The spirits don't care that the people failed. They don't care about blood. They just want to be talked about. And seen. Because if no one ever sees them, they forget that they are beautiful."
Nick gave an amused hem, watching her with lazy interest. "Yeah… It shouldn't be a secret."
She ran her fingers along the wall, trying to stay quiet and keep to herself, hoping it would make Nick relaxed enough to doze off. She knew he didn't want to leave her alone, but he needed rest.
She glanced at him every now and then, subtly so to not startle him, and eventually found that even though he had his eyes open it looked like he was sleeping. No… it looked like he was dead. Why wasn't he blinking?
She stared and waited, eyes glued to his until he finally lowered his lids and opened them again. The movement was so slow. Everything was moving slow. Even her. Like being underwater.
It was fascinating and scary at the same time. And cold. She was suddenly cold again.
She wrapped her arms around herself, shivering, continuing to face the wall so to not disturb her brother until she heard someone call out from upstairs. She couldn't decipher the words or even if the voice was male or female. But the only logical explanation would be Troy.
"Is he having a nightmare?" she whispered, more to herself than anyone else as she moved towards the stairs.
She cast a few bewildered gazes Nick's way, but he didn't ask what it was about. He kept the questions for when she would start doing some weird things.
He had to strain to make out her murmur, and frowned as she walked for the stairs.
"Why, you hear something? I didn't hear anything."
Alicia closed her eyes, uncertain now if she had heard something when Nick hadn't. She listened. And there it was again. Louder now, more urgent.
She dashed for the stairs, but even now it felt like she was moving slow. Like in a dream when you run and run but never get closer to your destination.
Her feet were rooted to the floor and she hadn't even made it past the second step.
"He's crying!" she called back over her shoulder. "He's in trouble!"
Nick watched his sister dash for the stairs, but something weird happened. She seemed to be unable to go past the second step. Like she had her feet glued to the wood. She was agitated by whatever she was hearing; it would have been comical had it been on TV.
Nick got to his feet and approached her.
"What you're hearing is not real, Alicia. He's sleeping. Quietly. Trust me, he's fine."
Alicia shook her head, maddened by the fact Nick couldn't seem to hear his friend calling for help, and simultaneously starting to doubt herself. But how could something so vivid not be real?
"We have to check," she implored with her brother, on the verge of tears as she, with great effort, tore her feet off the floor to climb the next step. "Please, Nick!"
She carried another foot to the next step with visible effort. He snuck past her and started up the stairs.
"I'll check, you stay here, okay? I'll be a second."
Alicia let him go, watching him ascend the last steps like a whirlwind. But when she could, she had to follow. So she did. She needed to see it for herself, to make sure whatever had gotten to Troy wouldn't get to Nick.
But when they made it to the room Troy had chosen he was sleeping peacefully, just as Nick had said. The moon outside shone in through the window and illuminated his face and chest. It was definitely him. And he appeared to be fine.
"I thought–" she whispered, stuck in some mess of shame and confusion. "I thought I heard–"
She stopped talking, eyes glued to Troy's chest, his stomach. There was something moving there. Subtly at first. And then… squirming.
She grasped the door jamb with one hand to steady herself, eyes wide and horrified as she watched something burrow its way out of Troy's stomach from the inside. It was the rainbow snake. It burst from him like a creature in a horror movie, blood and gore everywhere, and she quickly turned on her heel and darted for the bathroom, barely able to lean over the toilet before she vomited the water she'd been drinking earlier.
Troy had been awake for a while.
How couldn't he be with all that commotion going on downstairs? The conversation? The panicked yelling between one another and then the sudden barrage of footsteps as Alicia fled.
"Maybe we should take her for a walk," he suggested, sensing Nick was still there, scarcely trying to pretend that he was asleep anymore.
When she darted away, Nick made to follow, but heard her vomiting in the bathroom and lingered in the doorway, feeling exhausted to just be standing and knowing there were hours of it still coming.
Troy being awake didn't surprise him much.
"There can be the dead returning from the ritual site, as well as survivors. We can't risk it. Not until she's back from it."
"I know you can't take her out. I can. I've more energy at work. I can take her outside, walk her back and forth, just let her get some air on her face for a while and bring her back in."
That or he could shove her into the garage with the horse. A safe space, right? Four walls. No windows. A door. She'd be okay. Pity he'd taken Katie away. They could have kept each other company. Troy smirked at the image that painted. The sheer fantasy.
"It's safer for her to be indoors with me," Nick said.
"How long do you think she's going to keep going on whatever it is?"
Nick thought about it, and shrugged. "Mescaline high lasts from nine to twelve hours, give or take. So it can take up till noon. A bit less if I'm lucky. Get some sleep while you can."
He closed the door behind him as he went to check on Alicia.
Her stomach emptied fairly quickly. She guessed that made sense. She hadn't eaten anything in forever.
Alicia pushed herself away from the toilet and to the wall opposite, leaning back against it, unmindful of the tears on her cheeks, and entirely focused on the headache and sudden exhaustion of not understanding what the hell was going on.
She looked up when Nick appeared in the doorway, but didn't have it in her to give him a smile.
"Just put me to sleep," she begged. "Just knock me out."
Troy raised his right arm, pushing the button on the side of his watch to light it up and to see the time. He'd found a new battery a couple of months ago and it was still going strong.
2:45AM.
Nick really planned on staying up for another 9 – 10 hours?
Was he crazy?
Probably.
But he didn't want Troy's help so Troy didn't bother to get up and chase after the two of them. He released the watch, rolled onto his side and fluffed the pillow beneath his head a couple of times and tried to sleep again.
Nick leaned against the door frame, displaying a helpless smile.
"If there would be a safe way, I would've, but there isn't. You'll have to ride it out, it's how it is. I'm sorry you're not having fun with it. I wish I could help with that."
Alicia closed her eyes, feeling defeated. "Is he dead? Is Troy dead?"
So, she had seen something horrible. That must suck.
"Of course not. He's sleeping. He's fine. What you saw was in your head. It's the drug. Don't fight the visions, just let them be, let them pass."
"They're not visions to me."
And that is the truth of it, she thought. Just because it was happening in her head didn't mean it wasn't real.
"Why would anyone want to feel like this?"
"There are plenty of reasons to take mescaline - most of them are spiritual. It's used mostly by shamans to get closer to the spirits they work with. It's why they forced it on you. People take it for some spiritual insights they can't get the other way."
"Doesn't feel spiritual. Feels like that first night all over again. When everything was falling apart."
She hesitated a moment, trying to feel if she could move without throwing up again. After a few moments she used the wall to get back on her feet, swaying a little.
"Maybe I should just lie down for a bit."
"Sure. Let me help you."
Nick wrapped an arm around her waist, leading her to another room next to Troy's. He helped her on the bed, then found a plaid on a chair at the wall and covered her with it.
"Try to sleep."
Alicia curled up on the bed Nick led her to, shifting once or twice to get comfortable. "Thank you."
This all felt strangely familiar, only once more their roles had been reversed. Once upon a time she'd be the one to help Nick to his bed and watch him during the night to make sure he didn't have a seizure. Now he was the guardian.
She closed her eyes and like her brother had urged, tried to sleep.
Nick went to settle in the chair he picked the plaid from. Lying down next to her was dangerous. He would pass out and something might happen to her while he was out cold. He didn't need any surprises.
Alicia didn't sleep. It just wouldn't happen. But she remained in the bed for what felt like a long while, sometimes huddling under the blanket to try and get warm, other times flinging it off her because it felt like her skin was on fire.
Matt made an appearance, too. He hovered behind Nick's chair for some time before he was replaced with Mom.
The look of judgement and anger she sent Alicia had the latter pull the blanket up to cover her face. Alicia couldn't stand it.
There was a time the bed began to sway back and forth like a boat on the ocean, and it threatened to make her sick again. She leaned over the edge and dry-heaved a few times, not sure if she was grateful by the lack of contents in her stomach or not. Still, she felt painfully full. And it was such a rare sensation these days it might not be so bad in the long run.
By the time the sky started to change colors outside she was certain Nick had fallen asleep. His head hung towards his chest and his breathing was heavy.
She was thirsty, parched, actually, but she wouldn't wake him to ask for water. She might not have been feeling her best but her legs still worked. She could fetch some herself.
Alicia crawled out from under the blanket and silently headed for the door, closing it behind her so she wouldn't disturb Nick when she walked down the stairs.
She never made it to the stairs. Jake was blocking them. He looked different now. He looked like himself. Clean and rugged and with a crooked little smile that made him resemble Troy too much for her comfort.
"It's still early, Alicia," he said, voice hoarse from sleep. "Come lie down with me awhile."
He moved into the room closest to the stairs and after a while she followed, carefully opening the door to peer inside.
This was the Jake that had attracted her back at the ranch. He was lying on the bed, one arm beneath his head and he smiled at her, handsome and boyish and warm. Just like the day they'd first gotten together, he offered something she had been searching for – comfort and a sense of normalcy.
He patted the space on the bed beside him and she caved.
She went to him and lay down with her back to his chest, feeling his arm slip around her to hold her close, his breath on the back of her neck, his scent enveloping her. And she was at peace.
Troy was alerted to movement as soon as the bedroom door cracked open, half expecting to see Nick shamefacedly standing in the doorway with a want to tap out and change shifts.
Troy wouldn't blame him. Only it wasn't him standing there or making his way toward the bed to curl up on the mattress next to Troy with all the familiarity of a lover.
He opened his mouth to ask her what Alicia was doing but with the dark circles under her eyes, the faraway look as if she wasn't even seeing him or maybe seeing too much made the answer apparent.
She wasn't home. Not entirely.
Had she slipped away while he was counting the tiles? Had Nick fallen asleep? He'd be worried when he woke up and discovered she wasn't with him anymore. The only cause Troy could make for her freedom.
Still, like her compliments, the warmth radiating off her wasn't entirely unpleasant or something he wanted to discharge right away. Besides, she'd come to him, right? So how was he at fault for giving into temptation? A lure that had an arm involuntarily snake its way around her waist and hold her tighter against him.
A one-time thing.
When the drugs wore off so would her weird fixation with his prettiness and abs.
He smiled into her hair, inhaling slightly to take in her scent and closed his eyes again, allowing himself a brief reprieve from the chaos of their sibling rivalry.
Alicia closed her eyes and gave in to the comfort, the familiarity of his body so close to hers. Her days at the ranch had been far from happy, but it had given her something she needed at the time. It had given her a goal, something more to life than just surviving. And Jake had been a part of that.
He'd treated her well, respected her, seen her as an equal. And she had treated him fairly as well, she thought. But he'd wanted more than she could give him. He was a romantic. She may have been, too, once upon a time, but the apocalypse seemed to have killed that part of her.
And yet, here they were, having pushed all past differences aside to take comfort from one another.
Alicia thought she dozed off for a few minutes and it was nice. Peaceful. She wriggled back against Jake, brushing her fingers up and down his arm, smiling as he whispered to her that all was fine and that they'd be okay.
Troy's arm tightened around her as she wiggled deeper into the one armed embrace, her ass doing wondrous things to his crotch, unwittingly waking his little friend.
Troy guessed this was the point where most would frown upon what he was doing and call into question his ethics.
Not that he had any.
None anyone would defend.
He forced himself to let go of how easy it would be and how good it would feel to let his hands explore. Fingers lazily toying with the shirt he'd helped her button, index finger teasing an expanse of exposed skin before jerking away as if burnt.
He curled the hand into a fist and willed himself to relax.
It was surprisingly hard, but eventually his body conceded.
An hour and a half passed like that before he attempted to move, to remove his arm from beneath her body and make his escape to check the house and make sure Nick didn't wake up and have a heart attack.
Alicia wavered in and out of consciousness, feeling warm and safe and loved. It was the most peace she'd had for the last few days. Since before the horde overwhelmed the ranch.
And when she woke up finally and Jake was no longer there, that was fine, too. He'd moved on, finally. At peace as well.
She stretched and got up to open the window, basking in the sunlight like a cat, swaying lightly on her feet where she stood and breathing the fresh air.