CHAPTER TWELVE: REVELATIONS
He thought he would feel ashamed, disgusted even, lusting after a muggle girl, but he wasn't. He'd laid there on his back in the throes of pleasure, and when he began to think logically again, he simply reasoned it away and told himself it didn't mean anything, that it was just physical, he just needed a release. He wouldn't do it again, he told himself.
He did it several times over the week. Whenever he couldn't sleep, tossing and turning restlessly, his thoughts returned to the desire he was fighting. There was no denying the way she made him feel, the things she made him think about. Each time he did it, in spite of his resolution to not do it again, he would tell himself it was just a lapse in judgement, a moment of weakness. He was young man, after all. He had needs.
In the mornings, he would try to rein himself in, forget about his growing attraction to her and stop himself from indulging in these fantasises. But it seemed that every time he began to get a handle on his desires, she did something to drive him mad once more — a coy look in his direction, a soft touch, a glimpse of her skin as she moved around their shared home — and suddenly he was lost again. He'd once walked into the kitchen to see her down on her hands and knees, sweeping the grate out; Regulus had been momentarily fixated on the rounded shape of her backside, his body's reaction immediate.
Presently, Regulus sat quietly at the table as Flora finished preparing their meal that evening, his gaze following her every move. But she seemed faraway in this moment, focused wholly on her task and unconcerned with him while she took out a tray of roast chicken from the oven, trying not to burn herself in the process.
"Ow, ow, ow…" she muttered, hurriedly placing the hot tray down on the kitchen counter. Her hands were only protected by a thin tea towel.
"How did you learn how to cook?" Regulus asked as the thought suddenly occurred to him.
Flora glanced at him with mild surprise, surprise that he wanted to know something about her. "My mum taught me, and I learned at school too."
"You learned how to cook at school?" He frowned.
"Yeah, home economics," she replied. "Doesn't Hogwarts do any practical lessons in homemaking and cooking? Remus didn't know how to do any spells for cleaning when he left. He had to look them up."
"Well, yes," Regulus scoffed as if it were the most natural thing in the world. "Those are girl subjects. Hogwarts taught them as extra-curricular lessons. Only girls took those courses."
"Oi, they are not just girl subjects," Flora quipped back, now dishing the food out between their plates. "If men learned how to cook and clean and take care of children, maybe they wouldn't be so useless."
"I'm not useless," he said indignantly, though his lips were pulling into a smirk.
"You're about as useful as a chocolate teapot."
Flora set the plates down, her arm brushing his wrist lightly, and then she sat down in her usual place opposite. Regulus was fully smirking now.
"So, at muggle school, you take classes on how to cook?" He reiterated.
Flora nodded. "Well, maths and English too. All the other essentials. My mum suggested I do lessons in childcare and household management."
"Do you want children?"
"Well, I'd need a husband first," Flora said with a laugh, briefly meeting his eyes as she picked up her knife and fork, "But there's no chance of that if Remus won't let me leave the house. I may as well become a nun."
Regulus raised an eyebrow, his eyes dancing playfully. "That would be a waste," he said a little too quickly, realising at once that he may have said something revealing. He looked down at his food, trying to compose himself.
Flora paused a moment as she cut her food up, wondering whether she'd heard him correctly or misunderstood something. She could've let it go, could have changed the subject, but she was simply too curious. After a beat she replied, "Would it?"
Regulus took in a quiet, but deep breath. "Yes, I suppose it would," he said in a very matter-of-fact-tone, trying to cover up his slip. "I mean, I'm sure someone would want to marry you.." He tried to maintain his composure, but he found he just kept talking, "You're not, uh, I mean… just objectively speaking, you're not bad looking."
He cringed inwardly as the words left his mouth, knowing he had just dug himself into a deeper hole he wouldn't be able to climb out of.
Flora smiled widely, relishing in how flustered he was getting. It was rather endearing. She tilted her head to one side, regarding Regulus with a playful smirk. "Are you complimenting me, Regulus?"
"No," he quickly reset to his default scowl. "No, I am not."
"Oh, really, Regulus. You can't backpedal now," Flora shook her head. "You already said it."
"I'm simply saying that some people might find you attractive. I'm not saying I do," he sniffed.
"The only people I see are you, Sirius and Remus. So exactly which other people are we talking about?"
"Hypothetical people," he frowned.
"But not you?"
"Definitely not me."
"Hmm…" Flora looked aside for a moment, still smiling. "Sirius then?"
"No!" A flicker of irritation crossed his brow.
Flora felt a little offended by his abrupt answer. "Why do you say it like that?" She asked with a begrudging air.
Regulus felt backed into a corner. His reaction had been out of jealousy, embittered by the fact he knew Flora preferred Sirius to him. He took a sip of water and looked at Flora directly. He wouldn't have said anything, but she looked so disgruntled by the way he'd rejected the idea of Sirius ever finding her attractive. She looked hurt. The words fell out of his mouth before he could consider their weight and the consequences this would have on their relationship.
"Sirius has different… preferences," Regulus said.
The words hung in the air for a terrible, long moment. Flora stopped eating, staring at Regulus. She narrowed her eyes on him. "Different preferences?" She repeated finally. "What do you mean?"
Regulus paused, feeling a sliver of guilt for what he was about to do, but he couldn't bear the thought of her fantasising about Sirius any longer.
"I mean," he said slowly, considering his next words, "he's not interested in women. I didn't mean that he doesn't think you're pretty. I'm sure he does think you're pretty… but he doesn't fancy you. He likes men."
"Stop it," Flora glared, her eyes flashing with a dark warning. The fun that had infused their conversation just minutes ago had ceased completely, replaced now with palpable, thick tension.
"I'm not trying to hurt you," he continued gently, keeping his gaze on her steadily. "In fact, I'm trying to spare you from disappointment."
"Disappointment from what, exactly?" Flora said, bristling.
"That the man you've been pining after for Merlin-knows-how-long has no interest in you like that."
"Who said I liked Sirius?" She retorted defensively.
Regulus raised an eyebrow. "Don't play dumb. It's painfully obvious how you feel about him."
Flora felt her cheeks burning though she tried to school her expression to appear as nonchalant as possible. She spoke in a cool, steady tone, even as her heart hammered in her chest. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Fine," he rolled his eyes. "But that doesn't change what I just told you. He's queer. He likes men."
"You're lying."
"Why would I lie?"
"Because you're trying to upset me, that's why!" She snapped back.
"You think I've invented this whole thing up just to upset you?" He retorted, incredulous. "Why would I do that?"
"How should I know? You've made it no secret that you think I'm beneath you. Why wouldn't you invent something like this just to mess with me?"
Regulus' face darkened, stung by her accusation. He hated that she saw him that way, like a monster. The thought that she could think he was capable of toying with her emotions for his own amusement stung more than he expected it to.
"You really think so little of me? That I'd relish in upsetting you? I'm telling you the truth, Flora. You pining after him is futile."
"Why do you care anyway?"
Regulus faltered at her question, thrown off by her directness. He hadn't expected her to cut straight to the heart of the matter like that. He rubbed his face, ran his hands through his curls as he tried to find the right words to explain his uncertain feelings without revealing too much.
"Because…" he trailed off, holding up his hands. He spread his long fingers for a moment and then buried them back in his hair. His mind was racing, wondering how he could possibly explain to her the complicated tangle of emotions that he felt for her. "Because it pains me to see you waste your affections on someone who will never reciprocate them."
"Since when have you ever cared about my feelings?" She shot back, not missing a beat.
"Oh, for God's sake," he huffed in frustration. "Fine. Don't believe me. I don't care. Just don't come crying to me about it later."
Regulus could see the wheels turning in Flora's head. Her eyes widened as the penny dropped and she looked directly at Regulus. "Wait, but…" she began, then stopped, a look of contemplation crossing her brow. Her voice trailed off as she grappled with this new information. He could practically see the questions forming in her mind, see her trying to piece together how this knowledge changed everything she had thought she knew about Sirius. And Remus. The penny dropped further. She paled.
"Remus?"
Regulus nodded, his expression solemn. They had both stopped eating a while ago, leaving their food to go cold on their plates.
"Yes, and Remus. They're together," Regulus said quietly.
Flora sat silent for a long moment, her mind reeling with this new information. She was grappling with a range of emotions — shock, disappointment, confusion, denial. The realisation that her brother, her own blood, had been hiding such a significant part of himself felt like a betrayal. It was worse than realising the man she was in love with would never love her back.
"How long have you known?" She finally asked, looking at Regulus with a mixture of hurt and anger.
"Since Sirius took me in. You know they live together."
"Yes, but…" she started, her voice rising slightly and then trailing off. She spoke in a lower voice again. "So, all those nasty remarks you made… about them being queer…"
Regulus' eyes flickered down guiltily. "I…yeah…"
Flora's expression was guarded. Regulus sat up straighter when he saw Flora's eyes glistening, threatening to spill over with tears.
"Why would he hide something like that from me?" Flora said in a small voice, struggling to compose herself. "I'm his sister."
"Maybe he thought you'd be upset…" Regulus suggested, trying to manoeuvre the situation carefully.
"I'm more upset he didn't tell me!" Flora snapped back, narrowing her eyes on him. She blinked fast to stem the tears that were coming. "And that I had to hear you making derogatory remarks about them when I didn't even know."
"Flora…" Regulus reached across the table to touch her arm or her hand, but Flora drew back. He had never said her name before. Not until now. Regulus felt his own surprise acutely, surprise at how pleasant it felt to say her name. If she had noticed, Regulus couldn't tell.
"You just think I'm stupid, don't you? You all do," Flora continued, standing up and picking up her half-finished meal. She dumped it on the kitchen counter with a clatter. The tears were falling now and she wiped her cheek with her hand. "Remus never tells me anything because he thinks I can't understand your silly wizard world. And now I'm hearing this."
Regulus stood up as well, frustrated at how badly this conversation was going. He moved around the table to stand in front of her, wanting to calm her down, to make her understand, but his words kept getting tangled in his throat.
"That's not—" he began, then stopped. He ran his hand through his hair in frustration. "You're not stupid, Flora. Nobody thinks that."
"You do," she said, looking at him. Her face was streaming with tears now. "You think I'm inferior and stupid."
"No, I don't!"
Flora scoffed. "Don't you remember when we first met? You were surprised I could even read."
Regulus opened his mouth to protest, but the words died in his throat. He couldn't deny it. He took a step closer to her, approaching her slowly, hesitantly. She didn't move back, putting only a few feet between them. She was hiccuping from her tears now and her nose was red, a sight which should have repulsed him, but instead only endeared him to her more. He felt an urge to hold her, to pull her to his chest and cradle her against him until her tears stopped. But he knew he had no right to touch her, especially not so tenderly. They were barely even friends, if such an idea could be considered. They were just two people stuck together in hiding, thrust into each other's company by circumstance. He shouldn't care for her. He shouldn't.
Flora was acutely aware of how close he was to her. She rubbed at her eyes and cheeks with her sleeve and looked at him. "It's stupid…" Flora went on in a lower voice, laughing shortly, a little bitterly. "I was…I was starting to actually like having you around."
"I didn't tell you all this to upset you or cause another argument," Regulus replied quickly. "And I'm sorry for all the unkind things I said or implied before."
"About me or about them?"
"Both, but mostly about you. I was wrong. You're not stupid and I know I should be more grateful for the things you do."
"This is just because I got you your wand back," she replied snidely.
"No," he shook his head. "It's not."
He stood there awkwardly, wrestling with his conflicting emotions. Part of him wanted to keep his distance, to put up his usual cold façade, while another part of him told him to throw caution to the wind and embrace her. He contemplated these feelings for a few moments before finally speaking, his voice soft and gentle, a stark contrast to his usual biting tones.
"Come here, please…"
Flora, who had been staring resolutely at the floor, glanced up at him in surprise. The softness of his tone was wholly unexpected and for the moment it shook her out of her angry crying. She hesitated for a moment, torn between her hurt and sudden curiosity.
"Why?" She asked, her voice still thick with tears.
Regulus, seeing her hesitation, felt a twinge of uncertainty. "Just come here," he repeated, his voice a little firmer now. His desire to comfort her outweighed his usual pride and he extended a hand towards her, his palm turned upwards un a silent invitation to take it.
Flora stared at his outstretched hand for a moment, her gaze flickering from his face to his hand and back again, torn between the urge to slap his hand away and the desire to take it. Finally, after what felt like an eternity between them, she tentatively reached out and placed her hand in his. His fingers closed around hers, warm and firm, and he gently tugged her a step closer to him. This was not the first time their hands had touched; there was always the casual brush of hands or shoulder, and Regulus had never forgotten that afternoon he spent teaching her the waltz in the garden, but in this particular moment the contact felt shockingly intimate, even if their bodies were still several inches apart.
He held her hand gently, his thumb stroking over the smooth skin of her knuckles. He could sense Flora's stiffness, her wariness, but she didn't try to pull away. She kept her eyes down, sniffling, too shy to look at him.
"I didn't mean to upset you," Regulus said quietly.
Flora took a shaky breath as she listened to his soft words. The soothing motion of his thumb rubbing against her knuckles made it difficult to stay angry with him. But she wasn't ready to forgive him yet.
"Well, you did," she mumbled, her voice quavering slightly. She sniffled and wiped her eyes again on her sleeve. "You always do."
"I know," he agreed, knowing full well he had a habit of riling her up. "I'm sorry."
They were both quiet for a long moment. Only the ticking of the clock broke the silence, until Flora lifted her eyes and met his. "I… I'm sorry too," she said quietly, almost whispering. "I'm not always very nice to you either."
A small smile pulled at Regulus' lips. "No, you're not," he agreed.
Flora smiled back, laughing softly under her breath as she averted her eyes again quickly. She sniffled again. Their hands were still clasped together, neither of them wanting to be first to break the contact. Their proximity to one another grew closer as Regulus came to lean against the kitchen counter, so they were now standing side-by-side. They both looked ahead, not speaking, barely daring to breathe too loud.
"Our dinner is going cold…" Flora eventually spoke, not looking at him.
Regulus nodded, swallowing thickly. "I'm not hungry anymore."
"Me neither."
"We could have it later… you can heat it up in that machine, can't you?" he nodded to the microwave.
Flora nodded. She removed her hand from his and stepped away, mumbling something about covering the food up. Regulus immediately missed the warmth of her hand in his and longed to pull her back to him. But he didn't, of course. He simply stood there and watched awkwardly as she put away the food. The silence between them was heavier than ever, both embarrassed and confused by what had just occurred between them, because there was no doubt that something significant had happened. As Flora put the last of the food away, she turned towards him again. Their eyes met, and for another long moment they stood there, regarding each other with some uncertainty. Regulus fidgeted, rubbing the back of his neck anxiously.
Flora cleared her throat. "Cup of tea?"
"Yes," he said at once in relief, his voice a little too eager. "Please."