I don't normally place A/N's before chapters anymore, but I just wanted to quickly say that I changed Cana and her family's place of origin from Puerto Rico to Colombia.
Also I don't think I'll translate family terms in the chapter so for reference:
Primo/a = Cousin (male/female)
Tio/a = (Uncle/Aunt)
Abuelo/a =(Grandfather/grandmother)
Sobrino/a = (Nephew/Niece)
Alright, enjoy!
Cana was the first to wake up in her shared model home to the sound of loud banging on her door.
"¿Quién diablos llama a mi puerta como la policía?" Cana grumbled as she went and answered the door.
["Who the hell is knocking on my door like the police?"]
When Cana opened the door, her small frame jolted in surprise at who she saw.
"¡HOLA!" Yelled a woman, accompanied with three men and a little girl.
Cana's mouth hung open taking in the sight of the guests at her door. She stared at them in her sleepwear, a form fitting tank top and shorts. Seeing that she wasn't going to willingly invite them in, one of the younger men ducked under Cana's arm inviting himself in, and the others followed suit.
Cana was dumbstruck as the uninvited guests began exploring her apartment. The man who slipped into the apartment first sped down the hallway, nearly bumping into another one of her roommates, Laki, as she emerged from her room. "Bathroom!" he shouted. The older woman latched onto the arm of the older man as they walked into the kitchen and searched the cupboards for food. The little girl, who was wearing a black hood hoodie and black nail polish, held up her iPhone playing Cut the Rope as she surveyed the model's living quarters, unimpressed.
"This is where you live prima?" the little girl asked. She didn't even wait on an answer as she shook her head in disgust. "Tetas tontas..." ("Dumb boobs...")
The brunette's eye twitched as she finally gathered herself enough to close the door, glaring at the girl's sassy remarks. "Puta..." she muttered under her breath. ("Bitch...")
One of the other older gentlemen lounged himself on the white, L-shaped couch, picking up the remote and turning on the TV.
"Cana?" Laki asked approaching her in a tiny, black robe. Her long, lilac hair fell in messy waves over her shoulders. "Who... the be... these people?" She asked in broken English, with a thick Russian accent.
"This is my familia..." Cana answered shamefully. The sound of glass crashing resonated from the kitchen. Cana and her roommate rushed over to see the lanky, pale man bent on the ground, frantically trying to pick up large shards of glass. The shorter, red head woman, turned from rinsing something out in the sink to the commotion as Cana reached for the broom and dustpan.
"No, no, no tío Bruno!" Cana said trying to push him away from the mess to clean it up herself. Suddenly, the entire apartment started to shake with strong bass music blasting from the surround sound speakers. Frying pans vibrated from the hooks they were on, the knife holder shook until it fell off the table, sprawling sharp butcher knives on the ground, and everyone stopped what they were doing to cover their ears. Cana ran back over to the den where her other uncle was playing a rock and roll song on the TV, with Cana's cousin sitting next to him.
Cana scrambled to find the remote and mute the TV before everyone in the apartment went deaf. "Uncle Eddy!" She screamed once she stopped everyone's ears from bleeding.
"Los sientos Mangolia, I don't know how to handle all these switches and buttons."
["I'm sorry Mango."]
Peace didn't last long however, as the guy who sprinted into the bathroom, reemerged and started flirting with Cana's other roommate, Kinana, who walked out of her room. Cana's family member eyed Kinana in her white silk robe, taking in her ample chest that was pressing from her robe feeling incredibly pleased.
"Hey baby," he said getting close. "I'm not a professional photographer, but I can easily picture us together."
Kinana ignored him as she returned to her room and reemerged with a large, green serpent wrapped around her neck.
"OH MY FREAKING GOSH!" he shouted.
"Shush! Be quiet," she said quietly. "Cana, you know that we don't blast loud music in this house. It stresses out my baby Cubellios!"
"Sorry Kinana-"
"Sobrina!" her aunt called from the kitchen. "We cleaned up the glass from the floor but what do we do with the knife stabbed into the floor?"
Cana raced back into the kitchen to see that one of the butcher knives was indeed stabbed into the wooden floorboards, her aunt and uncle having trouble pulling it out.
"Knife in floor! Knife in floor!" Laki clapped her hands happily. "Stab with knife for fun!"
"WHY IS THAT THING SO BIG?!" Cana's cousin was still freaking out over Kinana's snake.
"Mango, how do I change the channel?" her other uncle called from the den.
"Tío, just press the cable button..." her young cousin answered beside him.
Cana excused herself from her current company quickly, and ran into her bedroom and shut the door. She collapsed face first on her bed, taking a deep breath.
"Prima, are you still best friends with the blonde in these pictures?"
Cana jolted and turned around to see her younger cousin standing in the corner of her doorframe, staring at a picture of she and Lucy dressed up for a party. He was eying Lucy's curves shamelessly.
"Why are you in my room?"
"To be fair... I didn't realize it was your room when I ran in here. I just hid in the first empty space I saw when that girl showed up with that monster snake. How can you live with a snake that large, right in the other room?"
"Cubellios is defanged so he's basically harmless," she waved off his concerns as she sighed and melted into her bed. "So you can unclench your panties."
"Nice room you got here Cece," he said, ignoring her insults and checking out her nightstand. He ran across another picture of Lucy and Cana together, the two women were on the beach, clad in two-piece swimsuits.
"Seriously Cana, your friend... is she single?"
Cana rolled her eyes before falling on her pillow.
"No tengas tanta sed Sebastián."
["Don't be so thirsty Sebastian."]
"No fair cuz, you've known I had a crush on her since forever," Sebastian continued. "She and that loser boyfriend of hers still together?"
Cana put her pillow over her head, feeling the inklings of a migraine starting to form. She ran into her bedroom to catch a break from her family and think, and her horny, playboy cousin would not stop asking her about Lucy. God, somebody put her out of her misery already.
"First of all, you weren't interested in her until her boobs grew in. Second of all, if she was single, as if I would ever set her up with you. I know sometimes women can get desperate, but never will she be that desperate."
Her words were going in one ear, and right out the other. "So she's single isn't she?" Her 29-year-old cousin start fluffing his curly brown hair in the mirror. He took Cana's peeved silence as a yes.
"I can come right on in and be her Valentine," he smoothed down his mustache and goatee with his fingers. He smiled at the thought, showing off his pearly white teeth in the mirror. He lost his train of thought, becoming too infatuated with how good his reflection looked.
Letting the man continue to live in his delusions, Cana was reminded of the Valentine's Day plans she had with her own boyfriend. Fling. Fuck buddy. Whatever Bacchus was supposed to be to her. She pulled out her phone to quickly text him a reminder to meet her at the bar. Her reprieve was interrupted (further) when someone timidly knocked on her door. "Sobrina?"
It was her Aunt Marie.
After granting the red headed woman permission, she entered Cana's room in her long blue plaid dress, elbow length sleeves, hoop earrings and orange curly hair in a bun. Sebastian took his leave.
"Cana, I have to take Sebastian and your uncles to do some real estate stuff with comadre, and then we'll be visiting your abuelos at the Radley later tonight. Do you think it'd be okay if Consuela spent the day with you?"
Cana immediately shot up. "That brat?! No way, am I taking that little... demonio [demon] behind me today! Besides I have plans!"
"Oh come on, please honey!" She pleaded. "I already have to be with your cousin and uncles for the day, and you know how crazy they can get. And Comadre is terrifying but she demands that we all be here to help buy the house. Please Cana?"
Cana's eyes softened at her aunt's desperate pleas. Comadre was a woman who wasn't biologically related to their family, she was actually an anthropologist from Great Britain who lived with their grandmother for a couple of years in Colombia to write about her life. The woman spent quality time getting to know their grandmother, partaking in family traditions, taking a genuine interest in the woman's younger life, even serving as a specialized caretaker/nurse in certain capacities. Their abuela took a liking to the woman and welcomed her into the family as "comadre", and abuela expected the family to give her the same level of respect and deference they gave to the matriarch of the family. Since everyone in the family basically answered to their abuela (even her own husband) that meant comadre held the same amount of authority (despite her only being around the same age as Cana's Aunt). The family as a whole took a liking to comadre so the dynamic worked well.
Comadre could be stern as hell though.
"I know you said you wanted to talk to me about something important..."
Cana straightened up at her aunt's mention of the letter.
After her talk with Lucy, Cana decided to start her search for the mysterious "G.C" by talking to her aunt. Out of everyone in the family, she always felt closest to her aunt, probably because Cana latched onto her from a young age, being the younger sister of her mom and everything. After they talked, her aunt Marie had business in L.A already, and decided to bring the whole family over to visit Cana and Cana's grandparents.
"I'll look at whatever you want me to look at after dinner tonight," Marie continued. "When you bring Consuela."
Cana groaned and looked up at the ceiling. "Fine, I'll babysit the little twerp," she said receiving a pinch on her cheeks from her aunt.
"Don't be so mean Sobrina. She really adores you, you know."
"Tía, she hates me."
"That's just how she shows her love! Now I've got to get going, but I'll see you at dinner tonight, alright?"
"Sí Sí."
Consuela's Revenge
The morning of February 14th was one that held excitement and promise for all lovers, and potential lovers of the world. As the happily taken of the world started the day sending good morning texts, making breakfast for their significant others, or even planning out the rest of their day, there was also a large percentage of the population that remained largely indifferent (whether they were in a relationship or single). Finally, there were the people who actively disliked the holiday, or at the very least, let their singleness make them feel temporarily bitter towards it.
Like Lucy.
"Ugh... couples," Lucy's voice was groggy from a late morning, but also tainted with disgust. She strolled into the kitchen with pajamas on and her coffee mug, eyeing Daphne and Natsu canoodling in the living room, whilst Gajeel flirted with Sue over the phone. "Boo..." she said softly. "Hiss. Freaking Valentine's Day. Hiss."
"Every time you have sex with the same person, Luce," Loke offered from the kitchen counter, "you just die a little bit on the inside." The honey blonde, who was dressed in his suit, wearing his shades ready for work, shook his head. "It's like a copy of a copy."
"But lucky us, we get to go out looking for some strange," she said gleefully, going for the high five with him. "Happy V-Day, player!"
"Holla!" He said, not leaving her hanging.
"Listen, Luce," Loke said solemnly. "Truth is, I don't usually go out on Valentine's Day."
"What? Why?"
"There's no thrill. You know, all these bars filled with emotionally vulnerable women. I'm like a... Dominican teenager playing Little League. It's just not fair for everybody else."
"Loke, this is my first, single, Valentine's Day in six years, and I need to go out, okay? We need to go out. I haven't had sex with anybody in over six months, and the last person I had sex with is Sting. Ew, do you hear me Loke? Sting."
"Yeah, ew Sting," he agreed.
"And besides... I've been feeling pretty... twirly recently."
"Twirly?"
"Twirly!"
"Is that like, your version of horny?"
"Yes," she admitted, giggling a little bit. "I got the dirty twirls, Loke! And you're going to come with me to the bar tonight to help me pick out a cure."
"Terrible idea."
Lucy was flabbergasted. "Wha- wha... why? You do it all the time!"
"I know you, Luce. You're capable of having an emotional connection with a shoe on the side of the road."
Lucy thought about it for a moment. "Well is it just one shoe or two? Because one shoe is just so lonely without its other half, you know?"
Loke raised an eyebrow. "Even with my help picking out someone, knowing you, it'll probably still end up being you and him doing missionary with a lot of eye contact... which I'd argue is even worse than doing it again with Sting."
"Okay, now you're starting to sound like Cana."
"Because she's probably right Luce."
"She's not," Lucy stressed. "And neither are you. I so can too have a one night stand. And if neither of you are going to help me, I can go to the bar and do it myself."
"Listen Luce, here's my advice," he said, leaning closer and lowering his voice in all seriousness. "You don't want your first one night stand to be with some stranger -you don't know how many germs they can bring with them to this loft. You've got to pick someone who you know, who's not going to make a big deal out of the whole thing."
Loke's words made sense to her. Someone who she knew, who wouldn't make a big deal out of it. That sounded a lot less scary than finding a random stranger to try and seduce into taking home. But honestly no guy popped up at the top of her head for the task. Most of the guys in her phone were either already taken or gay. Mostly gay.
Speaking of the former, Natsu and Daphne approached the kitchen as Daphne was on her way out the door to get ready for work.
"I'll call you later," Natsu said before he and the lawyer shared a smooch and she exited.
As soon as the door closed, he rushed over to his single friends in a panic.
"Guys, I need your help," he said quickly. "I need to make a really sweet, homemade basket for Daphne, and I haven't even started it yet. I have absolutely no idea what to put in it and I'm trying to make this the most special Valentine's Day for her. She just finished telling me how she's never cared about Valentine's Day before, because nobody's ever asked her to be their valentine. Can you believe that? So I need this to be romantic. I already have dinner reservations for tonight and everything."
"Weak," Loke folded his arms. "Giving a woman anything on Valentine's day is a recipe for disaster. I mean," he sputtered a laugh. "Why don't you just be a real man... and stop texting her?"
"Shut up you weirdo." Natsu retorted.
"Well I think it's really sweet Natsu," Lucy responded. "And of course I'll help you. Sorry Loke, I'll have to put our plans to get into stranger danger on hold."
Natsu's upper lip turned in disgusted as he looked between the two of them. "What the hell do you two got going on?"
That afternoon, after Loke and Gajeel had returned home from work, the honey blonde met his pierced friend wearing an orange track suit, holding a bottle of wine on his way out the door to meet up with Sue. Loke shook his head disapprovingly as he got ready to head to the bar.
"You can't go on a first date on Valentine's Day, Gajeel," he warned him passively, pressing the button for the elevator.
"Dude, I'm telling you, it's not a first date," Gajeel said, getting on the elevator with him. "We used to hook up all the time. You know, for two years I had her number stored in my phone as "Shue," 'cause I was too drunk to type "Sue." She just wants a relaxed night in. It actually sounds kind of sexy."
Loke didn't look convinced.
"Dude, we're just trying to figure each other out... that's all."
"You know where that puts you in six months?" Loke asked incredulously. "Yeah, watching It's Complicated on DVD while you cradle your newborn baby to sleep! And guess what? It's not complicated! It's just about a bunch of rich, white people who are remodeling their kitchen! Are you sure you're really ready for that?"
"Relax Celeste," Gajeel said as they elevator landed on the ground floor. "It's gonna be great."
Cana begrudgingly got ready and drove herself, and her cousin, Consuela around Los Angeles running errands until she had to meet up with Bacchus at the bar. She was just as bossy and vindictive as Cana remembered. Consuela turned on Cana's headlights lights so the model could get pulled over by a police officer, yet played innocent about it. She demanded that Cana drive her to a Thai restaurant that was super far away, threatening to sprinkle baking soda all over her dashboard and send a picture to her mother, saying Cana was snorting coke while driving, and finally, nearly pushing Cana out of the window when she veered out of it to check her bumper. Needless to say, Cana and Consuela didn't get along.
When Cana pulled up to the bar, she put the car in park and took the keys out of the ignition. She turned to her passenger sternly.
"I need you to stay in here until I get back."
"Sure boobs," the 11-year-old said, peacefully playing Cut the Rope on her phone.
Cana glared at her as she unbuckled her seatbelt. "I mean it."
Once the model got inside, smoky eyeshadow and red minidress on, she started searching for Bacchus. Who she saw instead, was a familiar mess of golden hair on a lounging couch, wearing a suit and tie and his signature shades. She made her way over to him, lounging on the couch next to him.
"So what are you doing?" She said with a small smile when Loke finally noticed her.
He took a sip of his martini. "I was supposed to be helping Lucy pick a one night stand but she's off helping Natsu."
"And what about you? I assume you're here trying to get lucky yourself." Cana's eyes gravitated towards a red headed woman sitting by a bar, sending subtle looks to Lucy's roommate. "What about that redhead over there? I thought you totally had that."
"Oh, that's in process," Loke said quickly. "This is where I do this kind of, like, look thing, where, like, my confusion makes her confused... and, then, also kind of hot..."
Cana rolled her eyes. "Let me help you," she said, snuggling closer to him, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I'm gonna make her jealous."
"All right, can you... can you stop?" he chuckled nervously. "Cana, you are... way too beautiful. She'll think she doesn't have a shot with me. Can you- can you stop looking at me like that, please?"
"What look?" she said with a giggle. "I'm not even looking at you."
"The pouty one, the naughty baby Mexican. I just ate something spicy, and now my lip is swollen."
"I'm not Mexican sweetie," she corrected gently. Without more words to fill out the space, the two of them were left to contend with the fact that they were so close together. Her body rested comfortably on his. Their faces in each other's personal bubbles.
Finally, Bacchus arrived.
"Baby! Hi!"
"Hey! Oh-"
Without warning, he whipped Cana towards him by her waist and wasted no time in slipping his tongue into her mouth.
"All right, just get in there, man..." Loke said awkwardly as they made out. "Clean it all out... like a dentist."
"Hey! Hey-hey-hey-hey! Wow! Look, look." Bacchus said sporadically, pulling out a plastic baggie with gray mushrooms in it.
"Surprise! 'Shrooms!"
"Oh, Bach..." Cana said uncertainly. "You really shouldn't have."
"I ate three. I ate three. Three. On a pizza!"
"Look at you, man," Loke commented dryly on Bacchus' apparent drug induced freak out. "You're a champion."
"Okay, Bacchus I don't have time for this," she said getting up. She turned to Loke. "I have to take my cousin to go see my abuela soon. So, Loke you'll watch him right?"
"W-well, uh..."
"I LOVE BROWN PEO-PLE!" Cana's date shouted intoxicatedly.
"That's racist Bacchus..." Cana trailed off. Realizing she couldn't bring him around Consuela in his current state, Cana got up to leave Bacchus at the bar and return to her car. Cana got approached by the bouncer as she stood up. He whispered something in her ear. When he was done, Cana's eyes bulged.
"What?!"
She zoomed towards the exit. Since Bacchus was still hallucinating, Loke jumped up to follow her. Once outside, Cana looked towards her car which was now empty. Adrenaline pumped through her veins as she bolted to her car. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no..."
Loke finally caught up to her as Cana opened up her door and searched her car panicking.
"Cece what's wrong?" Loke held the car door open as Cana was gawkily crawling the backseat and looking under the seats frantically. She shot up after confirming her worst fears to be true.
"My little cousin's gone missing."
"Mmmmmmm," Lucy moaned slightly, biting her bottom lip, to keep it shut. She took in more haggard breaths.
"Natsu... please..." the blonde whimpered. "I need you... to take me..."
Said pinkette rolled his eyes in annoyance. He clenched tightly onto the steering wheel of his car. "Where the hell do you think we've been driving to all this time!? We get it. You have to pee. Now, I'm driving you to the nearest bathroom as fast as I can, but we'll never be able to get there in time if you don't quit bitching and moaning about it... LITERALLY!"
Lucy, who had her hands in her lap, squirmed, as she rubbed her thighs together in the passenger seat, turned to glare at her roommate.
"How dare you..." she started. "Well, you wouldn't have to hear my VOICE, Natsu, if you would just DRIVE FASTER! I swear we've been overtaken by like every car in Los Angeles by now. I just saw an old guy, driving a disabled person, completely overtake us, slow down to glare at us, and then leave us in the dust! So guess what Natsu? You don't want to hear my voice? Then DRIVE BETTER! BECAUSE MY GRANDMOTHER CAN DRIVE FASTER THAN YOU!"
"Hey!" Natsu said sharply. "We're in a 10 lane highway, and I'm not gonna risk anything because YOU were stupid enough to drink all those smoothies!"
"Th-they were free!" she sputtered in her defense. "I couldn't help it..."
Flashback
Natsu and Lucy strolled lazily in the mall that afternoon, after successfully shopping for romantic items for Natsu to complete his Valentine's basket for Daphne. Although shopping didn't go all the way smoothly between them, with Natsu and Lucy butting heads frequently on what would be better to put in the basket. Lucy wanted him to buy things like chocolates and tiny stuffed animals, meanwhile Natsu thought a scavenger hunt to make her work for the gift would be better, including (for some reason) a map of Arizona and an alcohol flask she'd be comfortable getting urine in which Lucy thought was the most unromantic thing ever.
Once the pair finally come to their conclusions on everything, they headed for the food court for something to eat. Lucy became starry eyed when she saw a new smoothie place that was giving out free promotional samples. Lucy took one, practically inhaling it, before going back for another one, and then another one.
"You drinking all those smoothies is gonna make you pee later..." Natsu warned dryly from their food court table.
"Nonsense," she waved him off, taking another small cup from the worker's tray and sipping on it happily.
Natsu wasn't buying it.
"Whatever, just don't pee on my seats."
Lucy glared at him. "I might do it, just to piss you off... no pun intended."
"Really? You'd really pee your pants just to get a one up on me in an argument?"
"Don't test me Dragneel," she said with a smirk. She sighed in contentment. "My bladder's starting to feel emptier already..."
Natsu panicked. "Don't you dare..." taking one more look at her supercilious expression, he gradually slowed the car down. "You know what?"
Natsu pulled over to the side of the road, reaching over her and opening her door. "You're going lumberjack style."
"What? No!"
"I'll watch your flank. The car will cover your front. You'll be fine."
"No! I already told you I'm not going to do that! Take me to a place with working plumbing!"
She closed the door and pushed the steering in the opposite direction to place the car back on the road.
"Hey watch it-"
"Don't push me-" She responded.
The two of them fought for dominance over the steering wheel, Natsu trying to pull over and Lucy trying to get them back on the road. The car swerved from side to side on the highway as both of them shouted for the other to let go. In an attempt to pull over, Natsu took a hard swerve left, but accidentally ended up rolling over a sharp bump. The two of them heard an immediate 'pop!'. Their eyes widened and they slowly turned to each other.
"Did we just...?"
Natsu gradually slowed down the car, pulling over to the side of the road with his vehicle now leaning hard to the front left.
"Way to go Luce..." he said, followed by a long sigh.
"How is this my fault?! You're the smart one who decided to pull over, even though I told you to take me to an actual bathroom! I'm a shy pee-er..." she added softly.
"Well guess what princess!? None of us are going home if we've got a flat in the middle of the highway! THANKS A LOT!"
"Hey, don't blame me for YOUR AWFUL DRIVING!"
"It was YOUR pea sized bladder that got us in this situation IN THE FIRST PLACE!"
"No, it's about you acting like an asshole and..."
She stopped arguing, feeling the urge to pee surging within her and she shut her eyes, squirming in her seat. Natsu sighed.
"I can't believe I agreed to do this today," she grumbled to herself, turning to look out the window and away from him.
"Me neither..." he grumbled getting out of the car and slamming the door behind him. She quickly turned to him slack jawed, appalled that he would dare say to her the exact same thing she just said to him.
Gajeel arrived to Sue's front porch in her upscale neighborhood, about a few minutes later than she asked, just so he was fashionably late and didn't seem too eager. He was fresh, he was groomed, he smelt good and he was ready to have a romantic evening with this beautiful woman. She opened the door.
"Hey, babe," she said, spotting the glass bottle in his hands and grabbing it. "Ooh, you brought wine?"
"Yep."
"Good. We're almost out of it," she backed up from the door, widening it to reveal two other women in her living room wearing nightwear, face masks and holding nail polish. Gajeel's smile faltered.
"It's not the food guys!" she yelled at them. "Come on in."
As soon as Gajeel stepped inside the lion's den, the women immediately began sizing him up. The air smelled like acrylic nail polish and oatmeal, and the 90's sitcom, Sister, Sister droned on the TV in the background.
"Pick out a polish." Sue said to him.
"He looks like a player," said the woman in the middle of the couch. "Ahhhhhhhhhhh... on second thought, never mind."
"I thought we said no guys Sue," the girl on a beanbag chair said disparagingly. "And I am not touching his feet," the woman said indignantly.
With Loke's help, Cana searched all around town for her 11 year old cousin before her family dinner that evening. She retraced her steps to everywhere they've been, everywhere she might've been and everywhere she could possibly go to - which weren't many places since Consuela was 11 and this was her first time in the city. Things were starting to look bad... really bad.
"Children are filthy anyway," Loke said, in an attempt to make her feel better. "They're sticky and dirty and don't seem to know the difference between sticky cheese and avant-garde Crème brûlée!"
Cana raised the head she had resting on the steering wheel and turned to glare at him.
"It's almost time for everyone to meet at the Radley for dinner," Cana said looking at the clock. "I can't go there without her, but I also can't just flake. Mi abuela me matará..." She finished quietly.
"Well I have no idea what you said just now, but I think you're family's gonna kill you if you tell them you lost an 11 year old kid."
Cana turned to glare at him again.
"I'm just saying," he raised his arms innocently. "I wouldn't go there empty handed if I were you."
The longer her eyes laid on him, the longer her brain cogs seemed to turn. "Look I can't believe I'm saying this... but you're a genius."
Loke stared dazed at her for a moment, before chuckling wryly at the compliment. "Well you know, I try not to brag..."
At 7:30pm exactly, Cana took Loke along with her to her mini family reunion dinner at the Radley's retirement home. After she put the car in park, she turned to the honey blonde and looked at him warningly.
"I have to warn you now Celeste, before we get in there... just know... it can get ugly."
Loke scoffed at her warning. "Please, it's an old folk's home Cana. Just how bad can it be?"
Inside the Radley
All day,
I sat in my cell,
Just stressing,
Sitting back reading my mail,
Reminiscing,
About the good times I had,
trying to relive all the good memories I had,
Hate the sound it makes when they close the
Gates,
Wake up at 6:00 to eat nasty cornflakes,
Weirdly cathartic yet oddly specific rap music blasted throughout the speakers of the retirement home. As the old school beat played filling up the spaces, senior citizens were lounging in the rec room in their walkers and wheelchairs with depressed looks on their faces, while others were in the game room trying to swindle their opponents out of money in gambling. In the cafeteria, the chef scooped up beige slop with a ladle and dumped it on the trays of those in line. Somewhere in his bedroom, was an old man getting a new tattoo on his saggy upper arm, a tattoo of Robin Hood holding milk and goodies, about to give them to the poor.
Loke and Cana walked through the big double doors seeing the big sign that read "No Exit Without Permission" as it closed. The nurse at the front desk looked up at their presence.
"Can I help you?"
"Cana Alberona. Here to visit my grandparents."
"Aww, how nice of you..." the woman cooed. Then her demeanor completely changed. "All right, arms in the air."
Two tall, gruff men with mean looking faces appeared behind the duo with metal detectors in hand. Cana complied to the woman's instructions without hesitation as the Scrubs did a pat-down search to her and Loke. Meanwhile, Loke was horrified.
"What in the... what is this, prison?"
"Prison would be an improvement," Cana said softly.
"All right, you can go," the receptionist said once the search was done. The two of them made their way down a corridor to the ballroom where her family was gathered. Music continued to blast through the speakers. The corridor was a hallway full of bedrooms, all the doors were open with senior citizens loitering outside territorially, glaring at both of them. Loke hid behind Cana.
It's ten in the morning and you gotta get up,
Play dice,
Old-timers,
Gonna teach you 'bout life,
Get religious,
Start reading 'bout Christ,
Pray to God,
It feels like I'm stuck down in hell,
When I'm stuck in a cell (my room),
Finally, Cana and Loke made it to the ballroom where the family gathering was sanctioned to be held. Cana's blended family were all there, with the place decorated with cheap fake plants and paper cut hearts hanging from the ceiling. Colombian music played from Sebastian's phone speaker as Cana's blended family all stood around talking happily, partaking in tradition Colombian food that they no doubt prepared themselves. Her Uncle Eddy and Uncle Bruno were sitting by a table deeply enthralled in a game of Dominoes.
Cana walked over to her cousin.
"Where's abuela?"
"She's coming soon," Sebastian said. He looked around for his sister. "Where's Consuela?"
"Someplace safe," the brunette answered quickly. "Oye, ¿conoces a Loke, mi prometido?"
[Hey, do you know Loke, my fiancé?]
Sebastian's eyes bulged at the honey blonde as Cana quickly skidded away. Loke, who still had no idea what she said, chuckled modestly, assuming Cana was calling him a genius again.
"Hey, uh... are you really...?"
"I try not to brag about it," Loke replied fixing his shades.
Suddenly the music in the Radley changed to a very busy, thrashing bass. Everyone in the Radley became stricken in panic. Loke looked around confused at the change in the family's behavior.
"What's happening?" Loke asked Sebastian.
"She's coming..."
"Who?"
"Who? Only the top bitch of the Radley... our abuela..."
Now what'cha gone do with it?
Now what'cha gone do with it?
Now what'cha gone do with it?
As her theme music started to play on the speakers, an elderly, caramel skinned woman walked down the corridor to the ballroom, with Cana's aunt, and a younger, dark skinned women right next to her. The senior citizens who were loitering the halls started cowering back into their rooms as she walked dominantly passed them, hoisted by her walker.
BETTER HAVE MY MONEY WHEN I COME TO COLLECT
BETTER HAVE MY MONEY WHEN I COME TO COLLECT
PAY UP, PAY UP, PAY UP
Cana's grandmother and comadre stopped at one of the bedroom doors, not even turning their heads to the elderly man who teetered backwards in his room in panic. Abuela only uttered one sentence.
"¿Dónde está mi perra de Hummels?"
[Where's my Hummels bitch?]
"Wa-wait! Please, I don't want no trouble..."
Abuela tilted her head at comadre, gesturing for them to go into his room and take care of business.
"Please!" the old man pleaded. "I'm sorry! I swear I'll get better Hummels next time!"
"Abuela is basically the mob boss around here," Sebastian further explained. "You do what she says... or else."
Loke took in a large audible gulp. Abuela then entered the ballroom with her family surrounding her. The whole place went silent. Comadre and Aunt Marie dispersed from around her. Abuela's eyes landed on Cana in the corner of the room. She gestured for her to come forward. With every step Cana took, she secretly prayed to God.
Once she was close enough, Cana's grandmother immediately changed her stern demeanor into a dopey smile, reaching upwards to affectionately pinch Cana's cheeks.
"NIETA! ¡ES TAN BUENO VERTE DE NUEVO! NO TE HE VISTO NI ESCUCHADO DE TI EN EDADES, ¡TE EXTRAÑO BEBÉ!"
[GRANDDAUGHTER! IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN! I HAVEN'T SEEN OR HEARD FROM YOU IN AGES, I MISSED YOU BABY!]
"Missed you too abuela..."
In the midst or their reunion, Aunt Marie approached Cana from behind. "Cana... where's Consuela?"
"Oh uh... she's with Lucy."
"With Lucy?"
"Yeah she wanted to hang out, asked if she could sleep over and stuff- hey I've got to go check in with grandpa!"
Cana's hasty exit was ruined when the double doors to the ballroom slammed open, this time the interrupter was none other than a wet, muddied Consuela herself. And she looked annoyed.
"Consuela!" Marie cried, rushing to her child. "What happened to you?"
"Mama!" She cried. "Cana left me alone to go hooking up with guys!"
Cana's family members all looked at her in confusion. Cana felt her body heating up with shame.
"That's not even true!" she protested.
Sebastian and her Uncle Bruno joined Consuela and her aunt together by the door. As the young girl stood in the center as her family fussed over her and how she made her way back to the Radley, Consuela secretly flashed Cana a wicked grin.
"I was so scared mama," she said hugging her mother tight.
Why that little...
"Cana I trusted you... how could you...?"
"I'm so, so, so sorry tia. But honestly, I left the car for only a few minutes and came right back! She ran away when I told her to stay, just to make me look bad!"
Her aunt shook her head. "All this time, I would've hoped you started growing up at some point. But I see you're still the same. Just like her."
Loke noticed the pang of devastation that went through Cana at her aunt's words.
"You really are your mother's child."
Hurt, Cana shook her head repeatedly as she backed away from the scene. Loke noticed the tears starting to form in her eyes before she stormed away. Loke wasted no time in following her.
After about an hour, Natsu tried to at least slowly drive his car off the freeway, but things went from bad to worse when the engine let out a sputter when] he turned the key to the ignition.
"You've got to be kidding me..."
He got out the car and decided to start working under the hood, meanwhile Lucy started to feel worse and worse about his bad fortune. She thought about her own bad luck as her urge to pee was becoming harder to contain. Despite what she said earlier, she really didn't want to pee in his car and wanted to stay dry for as long as possible. She focused on something else. As the pinkette worked under the hood, he'd occasionally give Lucy instructions to turn the ignition or watch the gauges. At some point during the process, the engine sputtered again and sleek, black oil regurgitated from the car and splotched all over Natsu's shirt and a little on his face. "Crap..." he said, yanking off his shirt to prevent more staining.
When Natsu unveiled himself from behind the hood, telling her to turn on the car again, Lucy froze when she caught sight of him.
Lucy's eyes were undividedly drawn to Natsu's upper body, especially since she wasn't used to seeing so much skin from him. His body was lean and muscular, but nothing too bulgy or intrusive where Lucy would feel uncomfortable looking at his muscles. It seemed as if time was moving in slow motion as the pinkette worked a monkey wrench under the hood, his biceps curling as he struggled to unscrew something in the engine. Strands of his pink hair stuck to his forehead in sweat, which only added to the seductive image. One thing Lucy didn't know before now, was that he had some sort of red, phoenix tattoo on his upper, right bicep. She thought it suited him. Checking out his tattoo sent her down the slippery slope of checking out his arms. And wow... his arms...
Well, he did say he used to box... She had to fan herself.
She turned her upper lip and looked away from him shaking her head.
Gross Lucy! She thought to herself. What are you doing? This is the same grease monkey you once caught having to write a note to himself to remember to put on pants in the morning! And he ended it with a question mark! So it actually read, "Put on pants?" Honestly, if Loke and Gajeel were here, they'd be so disgusted with you right now.
Then, as if on cue, Natsu's phone buzzed from his pocket. He picked it up impatiently.
"What is it Gajeel?"
"Hey, man, look, I'm sorry to call you, I know you're at dinner."
"No, I'm not. I'm actually... stranded in the middle of nowhere, with Lucy who's on the verge of peeing. Although I don't think for long though..."
"What? You know what, I don't wanna know. Listen here man, I'm at Sue's place and there's two other girls here. They're drinking cranberry juice, talking about Michelle Obama's upper-body workout. I got a nose strip on my face, man."
"So leave," Natsu said absentmindedly as he continued to work under the hood.
"It's just that... I really enjoy being around this girl," Gajeel continued.
"All right, so stay."
After a small silence, Gajeel finally spoke again.
"...You know what, I'm gonna stay."
Once his call was done, Lucy gasped at the surging of the final damn break from her urine. She didn't think she would be able to hold this one back.
"Natsu..." she said warningly as her face turned red. His eyes widened in realization.
"Not on the seats, Lucy! Not on the seats!"
Sadly, his pleas were only in vain as the golden showers started to flow. Once she was done relieving herself, her entire body language changed, her shoulders slumped and her eyebrows relaxed as she sighed in relief. Natsu sighed again, but for a different reason.
"I hope you know you're cleaning that up."
After an engaging evening indulging in fruit, facials and girl talk, Sue's two friends were ready to go home. Gajeel was getting ready to go back too. He actually felt sad when Essence and Tanya announced they were leaving. He was having so much fun talking to the girls about girl stuff and being put on to their grooming secrets. He learned a lot, like how girls viewed what guys did in relationships, the mechanisms behind girl drama, what girls found so enjoyable about chick flicks, he even let Tanya give him a manicure and paint his nails black.
It turned out to be a fun experience regardless of it not being the romantic evening with Sue he envisioned.
"Bye."
"Bye, girl, thank you."
"Bye, Sue."
Gajeel and Sue stood face to face at the door once her friends were gone. They smiled at each other under the light of setting sun.
"So... that was fun."
"Any time."
"You really weren't expecting a girls' night, were you?" She asked, getting to the heart of the matter.
"Not really," he admitted. "But you know, Tanya needed some tough love. You never want to get in a relationship with a man who has fancier underpants than you."
The both chuckled.
"You keep doing it," she said in amazement.
"What?"
"Making up for how you used to be. You don't remember?" She shuffled her feet in place. "Valentine's Day, four years ago? You said you'd call... you didn't. I waited all night."
Gajeel's smile fell off his face slowly. He could see in her eyes how much his past actions hurt her.
"Okay... I don't deserve a second chance with you, do I?" He asked softly.
She smiled and stepped forward, wrapping her arms around his neck
"But here you are. Getting one," she said softly. She leaned her head forward and gently pressed her lips against his. Gajeel doesn't move for a moment, remaining completely still and she kissed him with her eyes shut. After a moment, he wrapped his arms around her upper back, bringing her closer and reciprocating the kiss.
"There's a reason my mother cut them off," Cana said tearfully to a listening Loke. They were outside the Radley, back in her car, as that was as far as Cana could go before breaking down in tears. "They are... insufferable, and, and suffocating, and judgmental and all she wanted was to be free..."
Cana got a faraway look in her eyes.
"All I want is to be free."
"Well, if she's anything like you..." Loke said tenderly, "your mother must've been amazing."
Cana couldn't help but smile at Loke's successful attempt at cheering her up. He looked into her eyes with all sincerity as he smiled gently back at her. The two were interrupted by a knock on the window. It was Aunt Marie... and Consuela. After begrudgingly allowing the two to sit in her backseat, her aunt explained that Consuela confessed to what Cana said, and the two of them came over to apologize.
"Los sientos Cana," Consuela said, refraining to use her nickname 'boobs'. "I didn't expect for everything to turn out like this... I just..." Consuela was struggling to put her thoughts together. She sighed.
"I always feel left out," she continued. "I don't have any sisters, and once you moved out Cana, I've only been surrounded by boys. You couldn't wait to leave though. Even when you lived with us, you'd always exclude me from things and call me annoying... you'd only ever pay attention to me when I played pranks on you."
Consuela's next words blew Cana away.
"I know you only saw me as your bratty little cousin... but I really looked to you as my big sister."
"Prima..." Cana said, turning to a nervous Consuela in the backseat. She enveloped the girl in a hug. "I'm sorry too. I didn't think about how you were feeling about everything. I promise, I'll make it a point for us to hang out more. I promise."
Loke smiled.
"I'm sorry too Sobrina," her aunt chimed in. "I can't believe I said such awful things to you, even if I was angry, there's no excuse. I don't expect you to accept my apology, but I'm really glad you let me offer it. And for the record, I do adore my sister."
"Then why'd you say that? Mama wasn't evil."
"Of course not Cana, but I think even you can admit your mother was a little... irresponsible."
A myriad of things flashed through Cana's mind at her Aunt's words.
"It made everyone in the family understandably frustrated at times," her Aunt continued. "But we all loved her fiercely, even when we were at odds. Just as we do you Sobrina."
"Yo también te amo tía," Cana said before going in to hug her aunt as well.
[I love you too Aunty.]
"I know I don't really have a place in this conversation," Loke said, breaking the silence. "But I'd just like to say, that I am like catnip to tough-talking Mestiza Latina women... such as your niece."
All three women in the car looked to him in varying degrees of confusion.
"When you get home, put a dollar in the jar," Cana said plainly.
After Natsu called for a tow truck, he informed his blonde roommate that they couldn't get any help until the next morning. He sighed, realizing he was going to have to cancel his plans with Daphne. When he called her, she frantically asked if the two of them were okay, and once he assured her they were fine, she told him even if he came, he would've had to reschedule their dinner since she was still working. She and Lucy briefly greeted each other over the call.
"I hope you plan on making this up to me," Daphne said suggestively into his ear.
"Eeeehh, I really think you should be making it up to me," he said right back with a devious glint. "I can think of a few ways..."
Feeling awkward, Lucy started to stray away from the car as her roommate flirted with his girlfriend over the phone. Once he was done, the two of them walked to a nearby motel to stay for the night, with Natsu offering the blonde his flannel to wrap around her waist to cover her urinated shame.
"I wish this could double as new underwear," Lucy joked. "Because I feel like I'm walking around in a cold, soggy diaper," she chuckled at her own joke.
"And that's an image that'll haunt me forever..." he mumbled.
Finally, the two arrived at the motel, checking into the same room to save money, since they had to pay for rental clothes, as well as the laundry service for their sullied outfits (which Natsu raised hell about to the receptionist). Lucy couldn't wait to get into the bathroom to strip herself of her ruined clothes and swash herself clean. She waited for her roommate to come back with her rental clothes before she hopped in the shower, adorned only in the motel bathrobe. Natsu returned to the room with rental clothes for the two of them, meeting her lying on one of the beds.
"Did you remember to put our clothes in the laundry?" the blonde asked expectantly.
"Um..."
"Natsu, please go back and do that," she said, walking into the bathroom and turning on the shower head. Before he could get far though, the shower head suddenly popped off the hose, sending a dense stream of water guzzling from a pipe instead of an evenly dispersed spray. Lucy shrieked.
"Hold on, I got it," Natsu said, rushing past her to the shower. Lucy couldn't seem to take her eyes off him as he tinkered around with the shower head to the nozzle. Once he was done, he stood up tall, presenting her the shower to use, but she said nothing. "Luce?"
Confused, Natsu figured she was still unsure about the safety of the shower, so he quickly rushed out the bathroom to get something to fix that. When he returned, he brought a roll of duct tape with him from God-knows-where and wrapped several rolls of it securely around the shower head for her reassurance. "There," he said, feeling it should be safe enough for her now. He turned on the shower so that the water could heat up. "Now you should be able to shower without any problems."
"Wait... Natsu..." Lucy started. Natsu spun on his heel suddenly, as he was already on his way out the door. Loke's words from that morning reemerged in her mind.
You've got to pick someone who you know, who's not going to make a big deal out of the whole thing.
Lucy felt nervous. Her manicured toes curled up, grabbing as much of the teal rug beneath her feet as was possible. Her hands toyed with the sash of her robe, and she began to twirl the fabric around her fingers absentmindedly.
"Do you..." she continued slowly, "maybe... want... to..."
She let the rest of the question fade away as soon as she uttered the first words.
Do you want to come in the shower with me?
She wasn't sure what had gotten into her, given everything that happened between them that day and how the day ended, she found the question rather strange herself. But... the only thing she did know in that moment, was that her pheromones were calling for something, that something, happened to be the salmon-haired man before her.
The air weighed heavily in a silence that stretched between the two of them as they got lost staring in each other's eyes. A silence, that was brought on by the words she left unsaid. Lucy stared with unguarded, chocolate brown eyes. Eyes, that gave away a lot more than her censored words could ever convey. Natsu felt scared in that moment, apprehension pooling in his golden pupils as he gazed at her timid ones, feeling her vulnerability might disarm him at any moment, causing him to try something he'd regret later. The gravitas of what she dared to ask, nay, even think about asking of him, was hammering down on the blonde all at once. This man was in a relationship. She snapped out of her lustful trance, quickly realizing how wrong it all was.
"What...?" he asked hesitantly.
Lucy shook her head, laughing wryly at herself. "Nothing. It was nothing."
Lucy got up and turned him around, trying to usher him out the door, but he turned to eye the shower with steam flowing forth, Lucy's nervous expression and her demeanor from a moment before.
"Wait..." he said, slowly furrowing his eyebrows.
"Okay, time for you to go," she said a little more urgently, continuing to push him out.
"Luce..." he turned to her with a curious eyebrow. "Were you... trying to-"
"I said OUT!" She cut him off, shoving him even harder with her head facing downwards to hide her embarrassment. She managed to push him all the way to the doorframe while he resisted with little to no effort, still dumbly trying to put the pieces together. Before he was all the way out, his fingers clenched the doorframe and he swiftly turned himself around, much to her surprise (and mortification). Her eyes widened. Their faces only centimeters apart.
"Lucy," he didn't call her by her nickname, so she could tell he was being somewhat serious. Her heart skipped a beat.
"Were you just trying to get me in the shower with you?"
A shade of red, darker than Erza's hair, dispersed itself across the blonde's cheeks. "NO! Of course not! As if!" she squeaked, before slamming the door in his face.
Lucy slid down the door, her heart about hammering out of her chest. Her ears burned red as steam gently emitted from her face.
"Curse you, dirty twirlies..." she said softly, burying her head in her arms in shame. She decided it was best to blame her strange behavior on all of her unchecked libido. "I should've just gone to the bar..."
Back at the loft, Gajeel, who thought he was alone, decided to spend the rest of the night lounging on the couch, 'All that jazz' from the musical Wicked played in his headphones as he gorged himself in cookies and warm milk, reading his favorite guilty pleasure. What was the title of this book you ask?
Loke's New Year's resolutions: 2007
Gajeel snickered wickedly as he turned to the first page, taking a bite of a cookie.
"Everything is easy... when you are a battleship, invading the Bay of Success."
Gajeel laughed like a madman before scanning the next page. "What a cornball..."
"Stop pursuing Lisanna. She's Natsu's girl."
He snickered some more, dipping his Oreos in the warm milk next to him. He furrowed his pierced eyebrows in confusion at the next line he read.
"Begin the search for the cocoon... that will one day release your butterfly?"
His confusion completely dissipated into bubbles and bubbles of laughter as he read the next resolution.
"Find out where Gray gets his sparkle... and then steal it."
Gajeel was laughing so hard he spit out his milk.
"Okay, what is going on out there?" Loke asked quietly from his room.
"Stop, do not move, okay?" Hushed his guest.
Standing by the edge of the bed were a half naked Loke and Cana, who were mushed together as Cana was wrestling with Loke to get his gray V-neck over his head. His arms were half raised as Cana tugged and tugged at the fabric, and his toned pale chest was exposed, grazing Cana's caramel bosoms clad in a black lacy bra. Finally, the woman got the shirt off of the honey blonde.
"What? Why...?" He asked.
"Because if somebody catches us, I'm gonna say that you drugged me, and it's my word against yours. Okay?"
Loke nodded dumbly. Cana continued.
"And don't get any funny ideas, I just need a warm body to help me forget my troubles tonight. It could've been anybody."
"Okay, yeah. Sure. That-that's fine, that makes sense."
Once stipulations were out of the way, the two of them went to savagely kissing each other, hands clawing at one another's skin before they inevitably plopped on the bed. Loke climbed on top of her and Cana looked up at him expectantly before the ladies' man, continued his conquest. Cana moaned.
"You smell so good right now."
The next morning, Cana stirred in Loke's bed, topless at the vibrating of her cellphone on the nightstand. His open curtains allowed for blinding rays of sun directly on her face and she clenched her eyes tighter as she felt around for her phone. She answered it after briefly checking the caller ID.
"You are not gonna believe the stupid thing I almost did last night," Lucy said, wasting no time.
"Tell me." Cana was always down for gossip, especially coming from her best friend.
"Okay, but you have to promise never to tell anyone. Ever."
"Of course, now out with it. Tell me."
"Okay... I almost... tried to hook up... with Natsu last night."
Cana's jaw dropped.
"Can you imagine that?" Lucy continued, chuckling in disbelief. "Sleeping with one of my roommates? That would've been such a mistake."
Cana's hazel eyes widened in instant mortification looking at the naked Jewish man laying next to her. He stirred in his sleep at the slight commotion, wrapping his arm around Cana's waist and snuggling into the crook of her neck. Cana's heart dropped like a pebble.
"Such a mistake..." the model said dryly.
"I know! I feel terrible. I mean... we were just supposed to be shopping for Daphne and yet there I was, feeling... twirly. Ugh. Good thing I didn't actually ask or it would've been super awkward between us forever. Still can't believe I almost did that... can you?"
"I cannot..." the brunette said half-heartedly. "I got to go, okay sweetie? Bye."
Once she hung up the call, Cana turned to the man snuggling up to her with a huge grin on his face. Regret instantly flooded her veins as she came to clarity with how big of a mistake she's made.
Oh... no...
So I got quite a bit of reviews last chapter, a few of them with questions that I'd like to answer. I figured for this A/N, I'd just respond to everyone for fun.
Rao hyuga 18: As soon as I saw Shelby in the show, I knew exactly who was going to play her lol.
Samurai of sunflowers: Thank you for this review! Yeah, right now it is still pretty similar but I do intend to start shifting from the show's episodic nature the longer this story goes on. Also, I'm glad you empathize with Daphne even though those weren't my feelings for the character when I watched Julia in the show. And yes I agree, even though Natsu's got some stiff competition for him.
Fluffy experiment: Yooooo, I totally forgot about the Duncan reference until you brought it up again. What's funny was that I didn't intentionally set out to make a reference, but I thought it would be a funny thing to include. It was a subconscious reference! Goes to show how good TDI is.
AJ: Thank you for your reviews! As to the answer to your question, Coach doesn't return to the show until season 3, almost 60 or so episodes since he was seen in the pilot. Now while I don't intend on following the show that closely at all, I will say that it'll still be a while until we see Gray again.
fairytailfanatic0703: Thank you!
Guest: First, thank you for reviewing. Second, I know it may seem like it, but I won't be following New Girl one to one every episode to chapter. Sadly, you might not see the popcorn scene, since I hope to be diverging a lot more from the show by around season two. I do think that scene is hilarious however, and if anyone is interested, there's a clip online, or you can start the show (for context to the clip). That being said, Erza's already been introduced as a character in this story (see chapter 4), and the answer to Gray's return was addressed in a reply above.
All in all, thank you to everyone who reviewed, favorited and followed after the last chapter. School's been... well, school, and as those of you who watch the show can tell, this chapter is different from the actual Valentine's episode so I'm curious about the response to this. A lot going on. Who do you think had the best Valentine's Day? What was your favorite part?
Anyways, until next time: Brown Lightning
Happy Valentine's Day everyone!