Black Hole

For me, there are three factors that contribute to a life uncomplicated professional: one, the amount of work appropriate to the time assigned and the salary. Two, the environment, as well as co-workers. And three, the supervisor.

Although I am not very sociable, during the three years that I have worked in this company, apart from some difficulties and some conflicts with my colleagues, that are normal from time to time, there has never been long term problems. It is when the Department of IT has a new manager when I start feel that my professional life is no longer as happy as before.

"Good morning, Kaede. You're early today," he tells me. The deep, soft voice of Tsuchiya, my manager department, while I'm standing in line to buy a coffee in the coffee shop that has a green mermaid in its logo and is located on the first floor of the office building.

"Good morning, Tsuchiya-san. Just called me Rukawa." I bowed my head to greet him politely, but the other person shakes his head.

"Why can't I called you by your first name? You can called me by my name too, Atsushi."

I narrows my eyes, scolding him in a small way I would be. I don't want him called me by my first name. And so he's, too. I'm not going to called him by his first name. He makes me feel so uncomfortable that I don't really want to him.

"Everyone's called me Rukawa. And I guess, is better for me to called you Tsuchiya."

"Alright... So, which one do you drink? I came to buy one. I will do queue for you, you can take a seat to wait. As for your coffee, I'll pay for it."

"No thank you, Tsuchiya-san. I do not want to bother."

"A supervisor buying something for his subordinate is normal. You're not bothering me. Or do you have something against me?" He moves closer to me.

The nerves in my temples start to beat and instantly my neck starts to hurt head.

Here it comes again... a sentence like that.

"What do you want to drink?"

"An ice-cold Americano."

"Alright. Wait for me at the table," he says as he grabs my arm and pulls me out of the tail.

I murmured a thank you before turning around and go to an empty table in the store. As soon as I arrived, I was sigh deeply.

It's been a month since the new manager came in to the IT Department between secret criticisms of the employees regarding the suitability of Tsuchiya. He may have support because of his connections as nephew of the owner of the company, but his work capacity is not deficient, unlike other people who have connections, but lack talent and can only pass the responsibilities to their subordinates of him.

That's why it didn't take him long to earn the employee acceptance. I do not have any problem with his work competence, but with his gestures towards me in front of other employees, he treats me normally just like a subordinate, so no one suspects, but when we are alone, he usually expresses his interest in me all too clearly, both through his eyes and his voice. Everything is so clear that even a preschooler could figure it out. Does things like buying me a coffee when I haven't asked for it. And not its the first time.

He is attractive and seems polite, but my instinct tells me that I shouldn't be near him.

"Here is your coffee."

"Thank you."

I take my Americano. The thick hand that rubs me lightly of the back hand at the moment when he hands me the glass, it sends chills all over my body. Tsuchiya smiles at me as I hide my eyes to look at him with discomfort.

"Can I go up to the office first?"

"Eh? Why such a hurry? We have half an hour before work hours begin."

"I have some earrings from yesterday. I want to finish them as soon as possible."

"Then I'll go up with you too," he says as he gets up and leaves the cafeteria next to me.

I hurry towards the elevator, looking away from him uncomfortably.

His personality seems like that of a decent man, but I realized that there is something underneath that polite façade with which he camouflages himself. It's like others playboys who go after me because I'm attractive, and only they want to take me by the arm to show off without looking nothing serious.

And I despise those kinds of people.

If he were anyone else, I would have spoken to him so hard that he would have been paralyzed, but it is my supervisor (my direct boss) and I'm not really sure who is able to separate professional matters from the personal ones. I'm afraid it will affect my work, so no. I can be so rebellious no matter how much I want to. The only what I can do is try to avoid talking to him in the extent possible. I know Tsuchiya realizes that I feel uncomfortable next to him, but it doesn't matters. Instead he keeps calling me at his office frequently to talk about work, and try come closer to me without giving up.

He's making me start to feel unhappy about coming to work.

It's lucky that someone casually greeted Tsuchiya, so he has to stop to talk to me, and allowing me to enter the elevator to go up office alone. Once the elevator reaches fifteenth floor, I see the familiar tall boy, wearing a white shirt and gray pants, scanning his employee identification card to mark him entry into the office. Sendoh turns to look at me and raises eyebrows to greet me in an irritating way. If it had been earlier, I would find it frustrating, but now seeing him like this makes me feel inexplicably taste.

At least those eyes are better than Tsuchiya's.

"You're early today," he tells me when I'm next to him.

I take out my employee card and place it on the scanner while I answer him. "You too. How could you get up early today?"

"I wanted to see your face as soon as I could."

That answer warms my face. I withdraw my card, I quickly push the door and enter. I hear Sendoh stops to greet other colleagues departments. He bowed his head to greet our colleagues older as my feet rush to the office from the IT Department, feeling a little angry with myself because my heart beats violence.

Why am I acting like a teenager who is fall in love for the first time? It's just annoying me. Constantly flirting with me. He is not speaking in serious.

"Have you already bought a coffee? Apparently this one is going to waste," Fujima comments when he enters the office from the Department. His eyes squint at me staring at the coffee that someone probably gave me on my desk, thinking it's a shame to have than throw it away. I pushed the coffee glass towards him. His hand grabs it and lifts it to drink it right away.

"You should find a new boyfriend once and for all, like this those guys would stop bothering you," Fujima suggests while I turn on the computer. The face of a certain man irritant appears in my head for a moment, and I stop.

A boyfriend, right? And here I am, thinking about Sendoh?

Anyway, it's impossible.

"I don't want to have a boyfriend for now," I answer between teeth.

Fujima whistles loudly and says that he wants me to finally find a good boyfriend, he also says that Maki has many friends who are still single and if I'm interested I'll can present, but I reject his kind offer.

Fujima doesn't know that I'm in a relationship with Sendoh. No he knows that I accidentally thinks of his childhood friend as more than a friend, but he won't have opportunity to know because everything will end soon.

"Hey. Yesterday you went home. How did she do for you?" Fujima stretches the neck to look at the person who has just entered the office. Sendoh walks past our desks. He places his large palm on the questioner's head and pushes lightly before continuing to walk towards his desk and sit down.

"They scolded me. What else could happen? They complained so much so that I thought I was eight years old, not twenty-eight." he replies, feeling annoyed.

Yesterday was Sunday. At first, Semdoh said he would pass see me at my apartment, but then they called him at home of nothing. And if I have to guess, the reason why he had to go home is...

"And regarding the appointment that they arranged for you, what happened? Were you?" Fujima casually asks what I was thinking.

"Not yet. We're waiting for the girl's part I organized it."

I turn to look at the computer screen. The discomfort that wells up in my chest when I hear the question by Fujima clears my head a little. Since that day when Sendoh said about meeting a girl because of a dating agreement pairing, I haven't asked him anything, partly because I didn't want to admit it.

I'm still skeptical about what Sendoh feels for me, but once this matter came up, I stopped my search to find out the truth. Although said that he liked me, I would still not believe that a person free-spirited like he can stop and stare alone at myself. Furthermore, that we start a relationship not only it concerns both of us and, from what I have seen, his family it's quite strict. I don't think his parents would approve their youngest son dating a man who can't produce an heir for his family.

"Did my mother get the matchmaker's number from your mother?" Dark blue eyes glare at the recipient of the question.

Fujima forces a smile, scratching his head. "Ah yes. Actually, she is the matchmaker with whom my mother had contacted when she thought of looking for me girlfriend, but I got Shinichi first, so she didn't had made use of her services. Your mother called her during that time, so she recommended you to the matchmaker."

"What good synchronization." Sendoh mentions his observation of him.

Fujima puts the glass of coffee in his hand on the desk and goes to clap loudly the thick Sendoh's shoulder.

"Come on. You just only agrees to see that girl once your mother stop complaining."

"I'm going to do it because I'm tired of her complaints."

"Alright. If you don't like her, you don't have to date her. How can they force someone like you? But, who knows? When you meet her, you may feel attracted to her."

Fujima's words make me stop without realizing it. He says while I was trying to open a file in which I have to work. The corners of my mouth rise and they almost form a smile, but if there really were smiled, it would have been a really grim smile.

Yes, who could know? He might be attracted to that girl if it really happened like this, I would have to be happy for him and ask him to end our relationship before moving on with my life. All that would be left are memories to hold on to, memories of to have felt good about each other once.

Just remembering what we once felt would be enough.

The hot midday sun mercilessly hurts the office workers having lunch outside. The sweat drains as Sendoh and I walk back to our office building after lunch, while Fujima, who has taken half a day off, was separating from us to visit a relative who is in the hospital. Once we get back to the building, I inhale the air cold from the air conditioning while using a scarf of paper to dry my sweat.

"Want one?" I take out another tissue and give it to him. I reach out to the person next to me. Sendoh looks at the handkerchief in my hand and his dark eyes shine coquettishly.

"Can you wipe my sweat?"

"Don't you have hands?"

"Yes, but I want you to do it for me."

The descending intonation of that phrase sounds almost like he's begging, so I put quickly the handkerchief in his hand and rush towards the elevator.

Lately, he bothers me like that frequently, which makes me fantasize too much. I do not like that. I'm afraid that he will realize that I have really fallen in love with him.

"Where did you have lunch?" says the voice of the person to whom that I don't want to see from behind us while we wait for the elevator.

Inevitably I turn to look at Tsuchiya as I hear Sendoh's response.

"We ate at the Micasa restaurant, next to the building. And you, manager? Where did you eat?"

"I ordered a delivery. I just went down to buy something." Tsuchiya holds up a pack of cigarettes to show us.

I look at the person who is also smoking next to me.

I can't help but wonder what's so good about that carcinogenic substance. Why do so many people smoke?

"Ordering delivery is convenient. It's hot as hell outside." Sendoh goes with the flow. Tsuchiya looks at me. His eyes are full of ulterior motives.

"Yes, but it costs a lot of money. I also want to try something around the company. You have someone recommendation for me?"

Looking into his eyes I realize that the last question is directed at me, not Sendoh. I pause, thinking of a way to avoid the question, but I'm slower than Sendoh, who puts his hand on my shoulder, laughing.

"Normally we only have lunch in the places there are around the building. There is nothing that is too much tasty. If you want to find something tasty, you will have to ask Hanagata. He is the expert on that.

"Oh, I see," Tsuchiya replies. His face still maintains his friendly smile with tact, but the atmosphere starts to get so uncomfortable that I want to get out of here quickly.

It's like God heard my prayer because I hear the hum of a vibrating phone. Tsuchiya pulls his phone out of his suit before smiling at us and excuse himself to take the call. I exhale, surreptitiously and look at the face of the person who is next to me to see Sendoh staring at the back of the new manager with a serious expression in his eyes.

"The elevator is here." When I give it a gentle elbow on the arm, Sendoh stops looking and enters the elevator together with other office workers.

Maybe it's just me, but I don't think Sendoh liked Tsuchiya so much. Sendoh is sociable and always smiles (although most of the time the smiles are just to flirt with girls while he watches them). However, he is good at putting up a front and smiling even at people he dislikes. I've known him long enough to differentiate the looks in his eyes.

His smile when he talked to Tsuchiya was a very polite smile; but his eyes did not smile consequence. On the other hand, his eyes even looked little solemn.

"Is it me or was that manager acting really suspicious?"

Once we get out of the elevator, Sendoh says that in a loud voice I turn to look behind me and see two cleaning workers, so I decide to give it a elbow on the arm to indicate that it would be better to talk on the emergency staircase. Sendoh closes the emergency staircase door so that no one had heard the conversation before turning to look at me.

"I've noticed it for a long time. He seems to feel something for you."

That was a statement more than a question. I exhale and nod inevitably.

"It may be so."

"And do you like him?"

"No, I don't like him," I responded with such haste that almost I stutter, as if he were a child defending himself in front of his parents, but the idea that Sendoh could misinterpreting that I like Minami makes me uneasy.

"Because?"

"He looks like a playboy." I give an honest answer.

Sendoh smiles slightly as his face seems to relax. "You really despise those kinds of people."

"I don't want to live worrying about when they will deceive. You told me that this behavior is a habit and it is difficult to break it."

"Yes, but it depends on each person. It is not impossible change." Sendoh looks me straight in the face.

Those blue and very dark eyes are so attractive I can't take my eyes off them. I know that the person in front of me is attractive, but I also know how dangerous he is. The deep look of those eyes is like a black hole you can't escape from. I like Sendoh. I am fascinated by his tenderness and his attentive manner in that he takes care of me, but if I get closer to him, I have afraid that he will suck me into that whirlpool and I won't be able to go out again.

"If you know someone you really like, no longer they will want to look for another person."

The tall boy approaches me as he tilts his head so close that I can smell its vague mint aroma. His warm breath blows softly against my cheek. Sendoh smiles slightly. His eyes become less aggressive and seem friendlier than usual.

"Do you think someone can do that?"

"No."

"..."

"When they start a relationship, they may be able to do it, but over time, they go back to their old ways traditions. I've seen many do it." I force a smile. Sendoh narrows his eyes as if he wants to argue, but I push him away by pushing his chest.

In my experience, playboys have a limit to time to behave. That limit begins at the moment in which they feel in love and it ends in the moment that they no longer find that toy enjoyable. This is the real situation that is not at all fantasy like in the novels.

But Sendoh may not know...

That actually I also want to believe what ends to say.

"We go to the office. It is hot here."

"I'll come to your apartment tonight," Sendoh pronounces.

I turn to look at him, frowning. "Do you want to do it or are you going to stay the night?"

"Don't know. It depends on my mood," he responds with ease, and that makes me frown. Seeing that, he smiles irritatingly.

"Why? Are you disappointed that we'd only going to sleep?" He catches me from behind in his thick arms without applying force. "If you want to do it, tell me. They do not have to be three days a week. I'm not that strict."

"It's not that. I just wanted to tell you that if we're not going to do it, you stay in your apartment. You have been going home so often that my bills light and water have been rising."

I exhale in frustration as I struggle to free myself from his arms. I feel strangely ashamed of to interpret my words like this. What was I going to do?Three days a week is more than enough. Plus, Sendoh never leaves his dues unpaid. If he wanted more, he would be a sex addict.

Damn!

"So stingy. I will help you pay your bills." He take the opportunity to give me a kiss on the cheek before let go of his arms.

I go straight to the door, I yank it open and I rush into the office.

I hope I didn't blush in front of him.

"Rukawa-san, can you change the file size? Is too big and I can't climb it."

"Sure."

While I work in the afternoon, in the middle of a sea of mouse clicks and keyboard rattles in the quiet department office, Hikoichi asks me to help him adjust the new banner file for the website I just sent it to the programmers. I agree to help my younger colleague while I click on the file to open it and adjust it as he asked me.

"Thank you."

"When you talk to Kaede, you do it in such a sweet tone." The deep and hoarse voice interrupts our conversation.

"Whoa! You have a problem with that? Is my Sendoh-san jealousyyy?" Hikoichi prolongs the pronunciation of the last word to annoy Sendoh, and that makes him laugh.

"Oh, now that I think about it, lately they haven't fought a lot." says Hanagata with a shrill voice from the front of the room. He adjusting his black frame glasses while looking at our direction. He stare back and forth between Sendoh and me. He narrows his eyes suspiciously. "Since we came back from Maezato Beach, I realized that you guys talk very often. I'm glad you guys get along, but it weren't like that before. Is there something we don't know?"

My face remains indifferent and I shake my head. Luckily, I don't normally express many emotions through my face, so no one can notice that I am secretly anxious while the other person involved laughs hysterically.

"We have been fighting furiously for many years. We already tired. It's better to love each other, right, Kaede?" Sendoh responds to Hanagata and turns to raise his eyebrows towards me.

Are him trying to defend us or make us look more suspicious?

"What do you mean by love? You guys sleeping together secretly?!" Hanagata's eyes widen.

"Hanagata-san, like in novels where the protagonists. They fight constantly and then fall in love," Hikoichi adds.

Why do they have such good intuition?

"Wow! Do you really believe this damn guy?" Fujima intervenes to end the fantasies of those two. He rubs his own arms, as if he had goosebumps. "Are these two having sex in secret? Don't even dream of it! If it were true, I would bark alongside in front of the company building."

"Are you sure, Fujima?" Sendoh smiles slightly.

"Yeah!"

"Interesting. Kaede, do you want to be my boyfriend?I want to see Fujima barking in front of the company building. Hahaha."

"Fuck you!" Fujima screams as what he hear what Sendoh said. I know he's just making fun of Fujima, but my heart keeps beating like crazy.

This gets worse and worse as the days go by.

I sigh, pay no more attention to them and turn around again towards the screen to adjust the file and be able to send it to Hikoichi. Yet I can't help worry since Hanagata and Hikoichi said it, I have afraid of how observant people can be in the office. In fact, maybe I just feel guilty, so I'm being too paranoid. We used to fight quite often, and once we stop if he did, it was certain that others would notice. It is normal. Even a less observant person like Fujima realized.

He said he was so happy that he was about to cry. He wanted to know how we had managed to stop fight us, I could only sit and listen to it on silence, without being able to tell him the truth that we did it in quite a few positions.

If Fujima found out, would he be shocked?

I keep working. When departure time arrives, I put quickly my things in the backpack and I headed to the parking lot. Actually, before I didn't rush about coming home at night after work that night way, but since the new manager arrived, I try to avoid being in the office when there are not many people, so that Tsuchiya does not have a chance to annoy me.

"So, are you going to my apartment?" I ask Sendoh who walks by my side.

He nods as he unlocks his car. "Yeah. Tonight there is a Premier League match a quarter past two. Let's see it."

"Who plays against whom?"

"Arsenal against Liverpool."

When he finishes talking, he gets into his car. My eyes follow him while I, without realizing it, emit a nasal sound of frustration.

In the afternoon, our companions said that they were glad that we stopped fighting, but it seems that I will have to disappoint them because the friendly relationship between Sendoh and me could come to an end someday.

At two in the morning, I rub my eyes sleepily, get out of bed in my room and head to the living room. As soon as I look at the sofa, I see the tall figure of my friend with benefits (that he only comes to eat and sleep at my house to waste my electricity and my water) lying down with his legs straight on the sofa to reserve seat of him.

His eyes are fixed on the television that it's on. His hand lifts a can of beer to take a sip carefree. I surreptitiously look over the other's body person to explore his physique. Again I have to admit that Sendoh looks very attractive. Although he wears a tight white t-shirt and cotton pants, looks like a magazine model in the style concept relax and unwind at home. Especially when his hair down in front and lets it cover his face front instead of leaving it exposed as he does when he goes to work. His attractive face looks apparently younger.

The image I'm seeing almost mirrors the one I saw when I met him nine years ago.

"Are you awake? I was thinking of waking you up," I say and do a signal with my eyes telling him to put his feet down from the couch before walking over and sitting next to him.

I put a cushion between us while my eyes watch the clock on the wall.

"Only a moment. It's almost time," says Sendoh.

I shot his a look. Seeing his infuriating smile, I sigh.

The reason I'm a little anxious is because in tonight's match between Arsenal and Liverpool, and yes, we support different teams.

I was always a normal boy who liked to watch football since I was in high school. Once I started working, I was so exhausted from work the office that I barely wanted to get up to see a match. However, I always followed the news and I was still supporting my favorite team, which has a Liver* bird on the club crest, while Fujima supports Manchester United. As for the person who is sitting next to me, I didn't talk to him much before this, so I didn't know which team he supported until I spent the night in his apartment and saw a t-shirt of a football team that bore the logo of a cannon in his closet. When we have to see a match together, it almost seems like a match of honor.

Look at his smile. He must be so sure that his team will win tonight.

"Why are you looking at me so angry? You still haven't lost and you are already like this."

That infuriating tone of voice makes me turn away look with displeasure. Although I like Sendoh, I don't compromise when it comes to football.

"Actually, I guess you can go to sleep now, Kaede. Tonight, your team will lose anyway."

"The person who should go to sleep is you."

"I'm sorry, but have you seen his potential lately? No matter how you look at it, the Gunners are going to win."

"The cannon could fail," I answer flatly, causing the other to laugh. Sendoh removes the cushion I had put between us before getting closer to me, placing his thick arm on my shoulders to hug me without applying force.

"I think we should play a little game," he says, while his other hand searches through his phone.

I turn to look at his face, asking perplexed, what game?

"The person whose team wins tonight has to order the other, and the person who loses has to do what they ask."

"Ridiculous."

"It will be fun."

"I can't see any fun in that."

"You don't see any fun because you know that the Liverpool are going to lose, right?"

"No way," I replied, feeling more frustrated when seeing the other person click his tongue to make fun of me.

"You say no way, but you don't dare to bet with me. If you are sure that the Liverpool win, accept the bet."

He doesn't stop insisting until he gets to the point where I have have to pause. I truly believe that my team will win, but you can't be so sure when it's about football: once, a team that had the advantage throughout the game he lost in the last minute of the extra time.

If Liverpool lose, Sendoh will certainly ask me to do something weird.

"If you win, you can order me to do something, right?Or if I win, I won't ask you to do something humiliating." He puts both hands behind his head, leans back on the back of the sofa and continues to persuade me nonchalantly. But hey, no matter how look at the potential of the teams, my team is still being superior, so he wouldn't dare...

"Okay, I'll bet," I say abruptly to cut off the conversation annoying persuasion without turning to see that the thick other person's lips formed a smile.

"If you win, you can ask me to do something...cualquier cosa. If I win, I will ask you to make one stuff. Done deal?"

"Yes," I answer without looking at his face. Sendoh is silent for a while before we turn to each other. Hear our voices that made a deal just a year ago moment. Once I turn towards the voices, I see it bringing his phone that recorded the video closer to my face conversation.

"Did you need to record it?" I asked incredulously.

"I need proof, right?" He smiles slyly before lock his phone screen and take another sip of his beer can.

I look at the television screen, which is broadcasting live football game, irritated.

It's so infuriating. Just wait. If I win, I will ask him shout ten times that he have erectile dysfunction in front of the company building.

Once the match starts, both Sendoh and I dedicate all our concentration to the game. Win and losing is normal in sporting events, but this night I pray with all my heart that my dear team don't lose.

The match begins with Liverpool having predominantly ball control. Shortly after, Liverpool scores a goal and is one goal ahead, while Arsenal remains without scoring. I look at the person who is next to me and I smirk with great satisfaction.

"It's still early to rejoice, Mr. Rukawa. Only it's twenty minutes into the game." Sendoh winks at me.

I take a cushion and press it against my chest, without paying attention.

Pay attention to his trust.

Bad losers always say things like that. But happiness is not on my side for long time, because about ten minutes later, Arsenal can even the score. Sendoh cheers loudly while I exhale deeply dissatisfied.

No problem, Liverpool will score a goal again.

I comfort myself, keeping my eyes straight open towards the screen, praying that "the reds" score again and get ahead again, but things don't seem to go the way I want because after Arsenal equalized, Liverpool seem to have lost touch, and ten minutes later, Arsenal scores one more goal and takes the lead with two goals to one.

The person next to me rests one arm on the back of the sofa, cross his leg, move his foot, and take a sip of beer in the most irritating way.

"I told you it was too soon for you to be happy." he says smiling.

"You neither, don't be happy too soon," I say with cold voice. Sendoh shrugs and takes another sip of beer while I turn towards the screen, watching it intensely.

Please, you can lose any day, but not today.

The first half ends with Sendoh's team ahead with two goals to one. Hope still fills my heart when the second half begins, with the reds dominating the field but still unable to find a scoring chance.

The match continues. My hope pales every time further. The score remains two to one until the end of the party.

I hit the cushion against the couch, feeling so frustrated. I want to break something.

Why am I so unlucky?

"My team won."

The person next to me says while he laughs, which makes me take the remote control and turn off the TV, irritated. I feel humiliated, ashamed and disgusted.

"What do you want?"

I turn to look at Sendoh a little reluctantly, but I am a man of my word. If I make a bet and then I refuse to keep my word, I would look like a coward. Also, there is a recording of my voice like test, so anyway I can't get rid of this.

"Come sit here," Sendoh pats his lap as a signal to call me.

I take a deep breath and reluctantly sit down on his lap, with his legs between mine.

His thick arms embrace me tenderly. Sendoh smiles slightly. His dark eyes sweep over my face with an extremely flirtatious look. Tried look back at him without looking away from his eyes, with hoping that his hearing is not as good as to listen to the accelerated beats of my heart, like it was about to burst out of my chest.

"Tell me what you want," I say hurriedly before blush with embarrassment without realizing it.

Sendoh tightens his arms around my waist. His prominent nose buries into the side of my neck. With that gesture, I immediately know my destination.

He'll ask me... to do that, I guess.

His hot breath brushes my skin. I give in to the caresses the other gives me a gift by trapping his neck between my two arms and bowing my neck to make way for that one handsome face to caress me more conveniently. The warm lips of his that touch my neck and go up to my cheek on that side they feel soft and the sparks accumulate abundantly in my chest.

Sendoh looks up to meet my eyes before lean in to kiss me and then leave quickly. Although it is not a very passionate kiss... but rather it's just a tender kiss... it makes me feel even more embarrassed than when we have sex.

"I still have no idea. Let me think about it first," he says gently before my shame. "It's only four o'clock in the morning, we still have an hour to sleep. Come on to the bed."

My face is burning and I feel confused seeing that things haven't gone as I expected, but I hurry to get out of that wide lap and try to avoid look at him as I walk away before he changes opinion.

Sendoh turns off the lights in the living room, leaving only the one in the front door hallway, before following me to the bedroom.

I press the switch on the bedside lamp like I always do before going to sleep, but it doesn't turn on.

"Kaede, aren't you going to sleep?" Sendoh asks as he closes the bedroom door before heading to bed and sit on it.

With no light coming in from outside, darkness fills the room completely.

"The lamp doesn't work," I murmured. My heart begins to accelerate with worry. I get up quickly out of bed, with the intention of going out to look for a source of spare to change it.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going to change the bulb of the lamp," I tell him while I'm about to walk to the light switch to light it, but a thick palm holds my hand.

"You can change it in the morning. Come to sleep first."

"But…"

The more time I spend in the dark, the more afraid I feel. However, before I could continue arguing, Sendoh pulls my arm and puts me back to bed.

"Everything will be okay," he whispers softly as I calmly pushes on the mattress, locks me in his arms and hug me tightly. "I'm here. Nobody more than me can do something to you."

He says the playful and familiar voice. His thick arm places it on my waist and pulls me against him. Tried control my breathing while the person next to my side comforts me gently. His big hand caresses my head gently and the terror of my heart begins to subside.

"Sleep. In an hour it will dawn."

I feel like something is stuck in my throat, and I can't say nothing. I close my eyes tightly and bury the face on the broad chest of the person who hugs me. He terror and anguish that I felt towards the darkness goes away fading little by little, replaced by some uncontrollable feelings.

No one has taken care of me like this, not even any of my exes. No one has ever helped me get rid of my fear nor has it managed to make me capable of remaining in the darkness. I feel happy to be like this while Sendoh hug. As long as he tells me things will be okay, I will believe.

I don't know if Sendoh knows this, but right now he a great influence on my feelings. It is my refuge and my consolation, he is also the person who makes my heart beat and also my pain. If I hadn't been sure that I wouldn't fall in love with him, if I hadn't raised thoughts as crazy as asking him to be my friend with benefits, if I had ended our relationship when I realized it was beginning to feel something for him, things wouldn't have gotten so bad far.

And the most ridiculous thing is that I am not strong enough to end my relationship with him now in same time.

Since high school, more than ten years have passed. I thought that having gone through so much had made me stronger, but today I discovered that no matter how mature that would have made me, in the end, I am still a coward who can't even let go of something that is not mine.

I am like a scientist fascinated by exploring a black hole to find the secrets of him and what I wants know what's inside it. And from so much looking and observing, little by little I got closer and closer to him.

Then the black hole sucked me in, and now it's very difficult to get out.

Will Be Continued...