Hello.

First things first, we made a few fixes to the previous chapter. Realized there were a few things that needed to be changed, so you may or may not notice. Anyway, glad to see more positive feedback. Especially to Ophis.

We hope you all enjoy.

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Dragon Ball Z Abridged is the creation of Team Four Star

Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z, and Dragon Ball GT are all owned by Akira Toriyama, please support the official release.

"Talking"

'Thinking'

"Host talking"

'Host thinking'

Episode 4

Issei was perhaps the most exciting out of everyone. With him being Goku in this world they were watching, he knew it wouldn't be long before he would meet King Kai and everything that came with it.

[DISCLAIMER]

KAISERNEKO: The following is a fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, Toei Animation, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release.
(Scene opens up with a full view of Snake Way.)

NARRATOR: Last time on Dragon Ball Z Abridged... Issei began his journey down Snake Way. ...Wait is that some kind of innuendo?

Some members of the audience contemplated the question.

"I mean..." Issei spoke up. "Not really?"

"If it is, it's a weak one." Azazel said.

(Issei is seen running down Snake Way.)

ISSEI: (in his thoughts) This is going to be the longest, toughest journey I've ever made! I have to receive King Kai's training, and battle the biggest threat to the planet we've ever faced! I have to run as fast as I can—I have to keep running! For the sake of the Earth, humanity, and my fam—

(Camera cuts to a sleeping Issei on a moving cleanup truck. The truck bumps into something, causing Issei to fall off Snake Way and down into the clouds.)

Laughter could be heard all around as Issei was not only caught slacking but received clear punishment for it. Issei himself sunk a bit into his seat in embarrassment.

ISSEI: (hits his head on Snake Way) OW, GAAAAAAAAA...

(Opening sequence with Issei's scream fading out, which resumes at the end of the sequence.)

(Scene changes to a screaming Issei falling straight into the depths of Hell.)

ISSEI: AAAAAAHHHHH—

(Issei crashes hard onto the floor.)

ISSEI: (in pain) Oowwww...

GOZ: Oh, who do we have here? A little girly man, yeah?

ISSEI: I'm Issei. Who are you?

GOZ: I am Goz.

MEZ: And I am Mez.

GOZ & MEZ: Und we are here to pump (camera cuts to a surprised Issei while a clapping sound is heard) you up!

Everyone stared at the screen, surprised by the...attitude of the ogres.

"I don't remember them being this...chirpy." Issei spoke up.

"Neither do I." Irina agreed.

ISSEI: (disturbed) Okay... well I'm sorta—

GOZ: (interrupting) First we are going to do a hundred squats!

MEZ: And then lots of push-ups on the hard ground!

GOZ: And then a bunch of jumping jacks! Oooooooooh!

"Hyoudou, bit of advice. Run." Saji spoke up.

ISSEI: (even more disturbed) That...sounds like...fun. But I'm sort of in a hurry? How do I get out of here?

MEZ: 'Agh, there's no way out of here; unless you manage to beat us in a test of strength and speed.

GOZ: Yeah, lots of running, 'und wrestling, 'und 'sveat!

MEZ: Grappling each other on 'ze cold ground, yeah.

"Nope!" Issei cried out. "Nope nope nope!"

"The only one who can grapple Issei to the ground is me!" Xenovia decalred.

"Wrong. That's my job." Akeno smirked.

ISSEI: (desperate to avoid this) Okay, now let's say we went through all of that, then where would you say the exit is?

GOZ: (points towards the exit) Oh. It's right over 'zere.

MEZ: Ja, but you have to beat us first, and—(sees Issei running off) Ach! He's running away!

"So you use your full brain to get out of awkward situations instead of everyday life." Azazel smirked. "Sounds about right."

ISSEI: (stops running and turns around) Oh, before I go, have you seen my sister Raynare around here? Spikey hair, tail?

MEZ: Agh, yes, she made a horrible mess of 'ze Blood Fountain.

ISSEI: (looks at the Blood Fountain) Looks fine to me.

GOZ: (angrily) IT USED TO BE 'VATER!

"That sounds more like Vali." Bikuou spoke up, pointing at the silver haired devil next to him. But he did not respond, merely smirked at the idea.

ISSEI: Wow. Well, I'm going now! By the way, thanks for the fruit! (reveals a fruit he took from the tree)

MEZ: (horrified as he watches Issei eat the fruit) Agh! He has a piece of 'ze fruit! Agh, nein! Don't eat 'ze fruit! Don't eat 'ze fruit!

ISSEI: (finishes eating the fruit) Bye! (leaves)

GOZ: Oh, now we can't make 'ze fruit salad for King Yemma's barbeque!

"Wait it's for a Barbeque? That fruit is supposed to have special properties." said Issei.
"What kind of Properties?" said Saji
"Anyone who eats the fruit has their health and physical form fully restored. The fruit restores and doubles the consumer's energy and physical might. It also prevents them from losing stamina or needing sleep or nourishment for three months straight" Irina explained

MEZ: Yeah, 'und Dabura's going to bring something totally kickass, 'und we will have nothing, 'und WE WILL LOOK LIKE FOOLS!

GOZ: Ugh, I am so mad!

MEZ: Yeah, let us go 'vork off our stress by doing squat thrusts 'und stretches.

GOZ: Yeah, 'zen we'll do grappling in our speedos.

MEZ: I'll grab 'ze oil. (they both walk off)
Issei, Saji and Azazel made a gagging noise

(Scene shift to Earth at nighttime.)

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, back on Earth... Now that's got to be some kind of innuendo.

"Definetely not." Issei scoffed.

(Camera pans upward on a plateau, with a frightened Millicas looking down from the top as a wolf howls from a distance.)

MILLICAS: I can't believe Sirzechs left me out here all alone! How am I supposed to get down from here?

SIRZECHS: (offscreen) CLIIIIMB DOWWWWWWWN!

MILLICAS: I can't even get any food or water! What should I do?

SIRZECHS: (offscreen) I SAID, CLIIIIMB DOWWWWWWWN!

MILLICAS: If only I had some sticks or reeds lying around, I could make a makeshift ladder, or a rope...

(Sirzechs screams offscreen in frustration.)

"You know," Azazel spoke up. "I really want to make a comment here about kids being spoiled and not knowing how hard we had it back in the day, but just thinking about it makes me feel old."

"Honestly I can't even complain here." Grayfia added, surprised some of the audience. "The training itself is obvious, and clearly this Sirzechs is keeping an eye on him." She puts a hand to her chin in contemplation. "Perhaps we are spoiling Millicas somewhat."

A shiver ran through the audience and the Gremory siblings sent a mental apology to young Millicas.

(Scene shift to Michael's Lookout.)

MICHAEL: You have all come to train on my lookout. But since I am quite old, I shall leave you in the capable hands of Ms. Ophis. (begins to walk inside the lookout) Ms. Ophis, you know what to do...

MS. OPHIS: Yes, Michael.

"Maybe we jumped to conclusions before." Michael spoke up. "This version of Ophis seems to serve me in some way."

"I mean that was Mr. Popo's job." Issei agreed. "But I have a feeling that's not quite it."

(Camera changes to Ms. Ophis looking at Saji, Kiba holding Gasper, Motohama, and Xenovia as a sound of a door slamming can be heard.)

MS. OPHIS: Alright maggots, listen up! Ophis's about to teach you the Pecking Order!

"Oh shit!" Issei and Vali and their dragon partners cried out.

(screen goes black)

MS. OPHIS: It goes: You (show a text "YOU"), the dirt (shows dirt), the worms inside of the dirt (shows a group of worms), Ophis's stool (shows a black censored box, literally not meaning a type of seat), Michael (shows Michael), then Ophis (shows Ms. Ophis's eyes on top). Any questions?

The audience was silent, with the exception of Issei and Vali. Their bodies were shivering so much they were actually making sounds effects. All because the dragons within were getting nightmares about what the world would have been like if Ophis had been half as serious/crazy as this one.

SAJI: Um, yeah I—(cut to an outside shot of Michael's lookout as a punching sound can be heard, followed by a black dot falling off said lookout)

SAJI: (as he falls off the lookout) GGGAAAAAA... (scream fades out)

(Saji Owned Count: 3)

"That's completley on you dumbass." Vali spoke up. "Don't question Ophis when she's like this, ever."

MS. OPHIS: Enjoy the climb back up, BITCH! Now, any more questions? (everyone remains silent) Good, then we can begin.

(Scene changes to Issei running on Snake Way.)

ISSEI: Okay! No more diversions! This is really important! No more sidetr— (notices a house) Oooh, a house!

(Issei stops running and looks at the front entrance)

ISSEI: (in his thoughts) Is that a snake?

"So I am doing this little adventure." Issei nodded. "It got skipped in the Kai remake."

(Snake-house sucks Issei inside its mouth.)

ISSEI: ...EEEEEEEEEEEEEE—

(Issei falls through an open door from the ceiling and hits his back on the the floor, causing him to scream in pain.)

(Cuts to a black screen, with a sound effect from Metal Gear Solid's intermission playing, and then a screen opens up, which is a reference to a Codec conversation in "Metal Gear Solid".)

Azazel threw up his hands and cheered. "Fuck yeah! Kojima reference for the win!" Heads turned towards the Fallen Angle, and he coughed in embarrassment. "I'm a fan." was all he said. To this, everyone nodded. Who wasn't after all.

SERVANT: Princess Akeno! you have a visitor!

"Ara ara." Akeno grinned. "Seems I'm the royalty this time Rias." She teased her friend.

"In case you forgot Akeno," Rias scoffed. "My father in this world is the Ox King. Making me the Ox Princess."

"But you don't have a palace to show off." Akeno retorted, making the crimson haired girl sulk a bit.

PRINCESS AKENO: Ah, perfect... Now let me assess the situation from here...

(Princess Akeno looks out a window and notices Issei talking to a servant)

PRINCESS AKENO: Well, he's quite the hunk of man-meat!

(Door opens and shows Princess Akeno and two servants walking towards Issei.)

Issei's eyes bulged out of face seeing Akeno dressed so...seductively on the screen. It was a style totally different from her usual ones. The girls reacted jealously like always. Meanwhile Akeno herself was memorizing the style, intending to get herself an outfit like it.

PRINCESS AKENO: (in her thoughts) I just love this fur coat! Especially since I killed all the animals for it myself!

Rias tilted her head. "Huh, I could actually see Akeno doing that."

ISSEI: Huh? You don't look like you be King Kai.

PRINCESS AKENO: (blushes) What? Did my magnificent breasts tip you off?

"YES!" Issei cried out. Slaps followed.

ISSEI: (confused) W-what?

PRINCESS AKENO: Nothing. Are you hungry?

ISSEI: Yeah! I could eat anything right now!

PRINCESS AKENO: Me too...

ISSEI: What?

PRINCESS AKENO: Nothing! Take a seat!

The girls glaread at Akeno, as if offended by her forwardness.

(Scene shifts to a table filled with steaming food.)

PRINCESS AKENO: I killed everything here with my bare hands. Including the bear hands—It's a PUN!

(Issei is seen chowing down on the food.)

ISSEI: (with his mouth full) I can't believe you took all this down yourself!

PRINCESS AKENO: I wanna take YOU down...

"Stop it Akeno." Rias grumbled.

"But I'm not doing anything~" Akeno tittered.

ISSEI: What?

PRINCESS AKENO: Nothing! Get in the hot tub!

(Scene changes to Issei taking a bath in a hot tub filled with red water.)

ISSEI: Wow, this water's really nice!

(A cardboard box slowly moves behind Issei.)

PRINCESS AKENO: (spying at Issei from inside the box) Not as nice as your ass!

(An exclamation mark appears above Issei's head, along with the alert sound effect from "Metal Gear Solid" playing.)

ISSEI: Huh?

(Princess Akeno quickly moves out of the screen in her cardboard box.)

"Now that is crossing the line Akeno!" Rias growled. "No peeping on Issei!"

"I don't see the problem. It's only fair since we let him peep on us all the time." Akeno could not hold back the amusement and excitement in her voice.

(Scene changes to Issei entering Princess Akeno's castle, fully dressed.)

ISSEI: Well, thanks for the food and stuff, but I've got to get to King Kai!

PRINCESS AKENO: (runs behind Issei) No! First you must pass the test of... endurance!

ISSEI: What's that mean?

PRINCESS AKENO: It means I want you... (blushes and covers part of her face with her fur coat) inside me!

ISSEI: (completely clueless) What do you mean?

PRINCESS AKENO: You'll see...

Issei clapped her hands together and closed his eyes in concentration.

"I know what's actually going to happen next." He said. "But For a moment, I just want to imagine what could have been." he said outloud, getting pouts from everyone else. Meanwhile Akeno was taking notes for a roleplay session with Issei.

(Scene changes to Issei flying away from Princess Akeno in her snake form, with the "Encounter" music from Metal Gear Solid playing.)

ISSEI: Aaaaaahhhh!

PRINCESS AKENO: Hah! Total supplication! (breathes fires at Issei)

Issei sighed. "Well, at least I have the fantasy in my mind."

ISSEI: Whaaaaa! Stop chasing me!

(Princess Akeno tries to bite Issei but Issei flies out of the way)

PRINCESS AKENO: (makes grunting noises)

ISSEI: Stop grunting—it's creepy!

PRINCESS AKENO: (grunts) Wakka wakka wakka—

(Scenes changes to Princess Akeno chasing Issei in the style of a Pac-Man game)

PRINCESS AKENO: Wakka wakka wakka wakka wakka wakka.

"FUCK THAT GAME!" Azazel and Sirzechs cried out at the same time, shocking everyone.

"I lost so many fucking quarters!" Azazel nearly screamed, smashing his fist into the chair.

"I was so close to a new record but that fucking ghost! Curse you Blinky!" Sirzechs full on cried with tears in his eyes.

ISSEI: (simultaneously as Princess Akeno is saying "wakka") Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa—(notices meat) Ooo! (stops moving and eats meat)

PRINCESS AKENO: Wakka wakka wakka wakka wak—

ISSEI: (simultaneously as Princess Akeno is saying "wakka") Aaaaaaaaa—

(Scene changes to a wasteland at nighttime. Sirzechs is watching Millicas from the sky as he is still stuck on top of a plateau.)

The change in scenerey made the audience breathe a sigh of relife, especially as Sirzechs and Azazel calmed down. That's also when the fans realized what scene was coming up.

"This is gonna be interesting." Irina muttered to Issei.

SIRZECHS: Oh, for God's sake, now he's just standing there looking at the moon like a retarded puppy! (camera zooms out and shows Millicas looking at a full moon) I was trying to teach him to fend for himself, but nooo, (Millicas begins his transformation into a Ōzaru) he has to be a WEAK, DEFENSELESS LITTLE—(finally noticing Millicas's transformation) Wait, is he getting bigger?
"Ooooh, and it beings," said Issei

"What begins?" Grayfia said sounding worried.

"The most destructive force of Nature known to Dragonball" Said Azazel as the two parents looked on worried.

(Millicas fully transforms into an Ōzaru and holds up a barrel, with the theme of "Donkey Kong" playing.)

The two parents looked on in shock as their sweet little boy. Transformed into a hulking colossal Monkey.

SIRZECHS: (surprised) Okay, that's new! (in his thoughts) Wait a second, that tail! (remembers Issei and Raynare's conversation) His Saiyan blood! Does this mean... (out loud extremely quickly) Everyone of Millicas's race can become a giant gorilla!

(Ōzaru Millicas shoots a mouth beam, destroying some terrain.)

SIRZECHS: Damn it, if he destroys everything, what will be left for me?!

(Sirzechs stares at the moon while Ōzaru Millicas continues to cause destruction offscreen.)

SIRZECHS: (shoots a ki blast at the moon, destroying it) STOP MOCKING ME!

(Ōzaru Millicas shrinks, with the "Super Mario" sound effect of going down a pipe playing, and reverts to his human form, naked (which a Dragonball is censoring), and falls down unconscious.)

While Issei and Irina clapped and laughed at the scene of Sirzechs destroying the moon, others in the audience were a bit more...disturbed.

"The scary thing is knowing he can do that." Azazel muttered to himself. "Release all his power in one direction, he really could destroy the moon."

SIRZECHS: (lands next to Millicas) Hah! Take that, Moon! Perfect orbit, my ass! And— (looks at Millicas) Huh? Where'd the monkey go? Well, he's back to normal. (notices Millicas's "male jewels") Oh, God, what the hell is that thing? Well, whatever it is, I don't like looking at it. This either. (pulls off Millicas's tail) Now... CLOTHES BEAM! (fires a beam at Millicas, giving him a new pair of clothes and a sword) That is easily my most metro attack.

"I really wish that had that." Sirzechs pouted.

"I mean you all do." Issei pointed out. "Magic."

"Ohhhh." Said every magical person in the audience just now remembering they could use magic to create clothes.

(Scene changes to Issei once again running on Snake Way.)

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, back on Snake Way...

ISSEI: Man, that was close! Sure am glad I got away from that giant snake lady!

(Scene cut to Princess Akeno tangled up in a knot.)

PRINCESS AKENO: (grunts, trying to break free, but no avail) AAAAAAGGHHH!

(scream echos as the screen fades to black, showing the "Game Over" screen from Metal Gear Solid with its theme also playing)

SERVANT: Princess Akeno? Princess Akeno? PRINCESS SNAAAKE!

"Now that's quite mean of you." Akeno teased. "Leaving a girl all tied up like that, not knowing when you'll return~"

Rias responded, by taking out a spray battle and firing it Akeno.

"Down!"

(ending sequence)

[STINGER]

(Scene shows Sirzechs with an unconscious Millicas.)

SIRZECHS: Yep, and once again wanton destruction has solved all of my problems! With absolutely no negative repercussions!

(Scene changes to Kame House.)

REPORTER: We've got breaking news that the Earth's moon has been completely destroyed. While the long-term environmental effects can only be guessed at, preliminary speculation puts the short-term death toll from tidal effects alone, at the hundreds of millions. We now go to our resident expert on lunar science, Sailor Moon. Sailor?

SAILOR MOON: (getting shocked) OH, DEAR GOD!

REPORTER: Thanks, Sailor! We now return you to Nick at Nite's 24-hour Full House Marathon, already in progress.

"The real damage would be all the wars started because of it." Michael mourned. "Each pantheon has their own unique claim to the moon. Vandalism is enough to make them snippy each other. Full on destruction..." A shudder went through the audience.

(Camera turns black. Scene changes to outer space, where Vali and Riser's Space Pods are seen flying through space and passes a few planets.)

RISER: Hey, Vali.

VALI: What?

RISER: Are we there yet?

VALI: No.

RISER: Are we there yet?

VALI: No.

RISER: Are we there yet?

VALI: No.

RISER: Are we there yet?

VALI: No.

RISER: Are we there yet?

VALI: No.

RISER: Are we there yet?

VALI: No.

"And we still can't tell who's who here." Kiba commented.

"I could see Vali being the annoying one." Bikou smirked.

Once again, many thanks to everyone for following along. Hope you enjoyed reading this as much as we enjoyed writing this out. We especially hope you like our choice of characters.

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