Hello.
Glad to have you all back for another chapter. And now finally we get an answer to the important question...is Vali Vegeta?
We hope you all enjoy.
High School DxD is the property of Ishibumi sensei.
Dragon Ball Z Abridged is the creation of Team Four Star
Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z, and Dragon Ball GT are all owned by Akira Toriyama, please support the official release.
"Talking"
'Thinking'
"Host talking"
'Host thinking'
Episode 5
"If I'm right." Gorou spoke up. "This should be when we meet King Kai."
"Right." Irina nodded. "Also, I think that we'll probably see Vali and Riser get to that bug planet."
"Good for you Vali." Issei called his rival. "We'll probably figure out at last if you're really Vegeta."
"Of course I am!" Vali shot back. "I'm the only one who can be a warrior worthy of being your rival!" As he sat back down, some of the other audience members giggled a bit at Vali's insistence that he was Vegeta. Especially considering the character's...track record in future arcs.
[DISCLAIMER]
KAISERNEKO: The following is a fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, Toei Animation, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release.
(Scene opens up with a full view of Snake Way.)
NARRATOR: After endless running and detours, Issei has finally reached the end of Snake Way. How very convenient.
(Issei looks up and notices a small planet in the sky)
ISSEI: Oooooo! Oh wow, that must be King Kai's place! (jumps towards King Kai's planet) Woohooo... (begins falling towards the planet) ...aaaaaahhhhhh-
(Issei crashes onto the planet)
KING KAI: (offscreen) Nice job, jackass!
"Fucking love that show." Azazel giggled. "Seeing humans do extremely stupid things in absolute ignorance of their mortality is peak entertainment."
ISSEI: (in pain) Ow...
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(Scene changes to outer space, where Vali and Riser's Space Pods are seen flying through space.)
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, back in the deep reaches of space...
RISER: Are we there yet?
VALI: (annoyed) No.
RISER: Are we there yet?
VALI: (becoming more annoyed) No!
RISER: Are we there yet?
VALI: (much more annoyed) NO!
RISER: Are we there yet?
VALI: (now very angry) NO!
RISER: Are we there yet?
VALI: (even angrier) NO!
Ravel stood up in her seat and turned towards Vali and bowed. "I am truly sorry. He's not that...annoying in real life... I think. But still, I apologize on behalf of the Phenex family."
Vali just nodded his head, accepting the apology. While at the same time smacking away Bikuou's tail trying to steal his snacks.
RISER: Hey, Vali.
VALI: (ready to snap) WHAT?!
RISER: (sees that they are approaching Planet Arlia) Can we stop at that bug planet?
VALI: (temper stabilized) Riser, if it'll shut you up for five minutes then fine!
"Huh." Irina commented. "Guess we are doing filler after all."
(scene shifts to Planet Arlia)
VALI: (looking at a floating debris) See? Look how fun this is.
(Two Arlians riding on giant millipede-like steeds appear out of the ground)
RISER: Hey, Vali- the locals.
VALI: Seems they brought a welcome service.
RISER: You know, Vali, on some planets they really appreciate foreign commune. Really brings in the revenue. (One Arilan unsheathes their sword) They'll probably treat us like royalty, considering the-
(Arilans handcuff Riser and locks Vali and Riser in a cell)
Laughs were heard all around the theater as Vali and Riser were unceremoniously locked up.
"Looks like Riser actually did the impossible." Issei said before laughing. "He got you arrested!"
"Honestly," Vali commented. "I always figured it would be Bikuou here who would land me in trouble."
"Aw shucks boss." Bikuou rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment. "Thanks for the vote of confidence."
VALI: Well...
RISER: Yeah...
ARLIAN PRINCE: I see. You too have been imprisoned by our horrible fascist king.
(Arilan Prince continues to speak unintelligibly offscreen while Vali and Riser talk)
RISER: Hey, Vali.
VALI: What is it?
RISER: We're in prison, Vali.
VALI: I see that, Riser.
RISER: Hey.
VALI: What?
RISER: Don't drop the soap.
VALI: I swear to God, Riser, I will shiv you.
There was even more laughter all around.
(Scene changes to King Kai's planet)
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, on the Kai planet...
ISSEI: So, you're King Kai.
"Huh, guess King Kai is staying as himself." Issei commented.
KING KAI: That's right. I am the most superior martial artist in all of the galaxy-
ISSEI: (notices Bubbles) Ooo, a monkey!
KING KAI: Yes, this is my monkey, Bubbles. Say hello, Bubbles.
BUBBLES: (subtitled) You have come far, young warrior. Allow me to-
"Awwww." Asia cooed. "Such a polite animal."
KING KAI: Alright, that's enough, Bubbles. Anyway, welcome to my planet.
ISSEI: (struggling to stand up) Man, I'm so heavy here!
KING KAI: Well, because of the small size of my planet, the gravity here is much more intense than that on Earth.
GREGORY: (offscreen) That doesn't make any sense!
"Yes it does!" Azazel cried out in frustration. "It's basic physics!"
KING KAI: Shut up, Gregory! Alright, fine- how's this for a reason: I have an unbelievably powerful space pirate locked within the depths of my planet. That's why the gravity is so heavy here.
BOJACK: (inside King Kai's Planet) Yarr! Get me out of here!
"Would be interesting to see that guy." Kiba chuckled. Then all of a sudden Issei jumped out of his seat in excitement.
"What if we get to see the movies!" He shouted in glee.
"Oh my god that would be amazing!" Irina cheered.
KING KAI: Shut up, Bojack! (stomps on the planet three times) Anyway, what are you here for?
ISSEI: Oh! Well, King Kai, I need you to train me. (shows Vali and Riser's Space Pods flying in space) There's a terrible threat coming to our planet, and I'm its only hope. I'll do whatever it takes for you to train me, I'll withstand any test, I will try as hard as I have to, and I-
KING KAI: Sure.
"Oh come on!" Issei sulked. "I was in the middle of a motivational speech."
ISSEI: (dumbfounded) What?
KING KAI: I'll train you.
ISSEI: S-Seriously? I thought I'd have to do some kind of test.
"That's how it was in the original." Gorou nodded.
KING KAI: Are you kidding me? The only company I've had for the last 500 years have been a disembodied pirate... (BOJACK: Yarr!) ...a monkey... (Bubbles screeches) ...and a grasshopper!
GREGORY: Actually, I'm a cricket.
KING KAI: Nobody cares!
BUBBLES: (clapping his hands; subtitled) I care!
KING KAI: You tell him, Bubbles!
"This." Azazel pointed at the screen. "This is why a lot of the gods and others do what they do. Cause they know that if they just hole up, they will go insane."
ISSEI: Wow, you're right. I can't imagine anything more boring than that.
(scene shifts to Planet Namek)
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, on Namek...
"Wait," Issei tilted his head in confusion. "We're taking a look at Namek already?"
(scene goes inside Falbium Asmodeus's house, where there's a long silence and a splashing sound can be heard)
FALBIUM ASMODEUS: Biiikuou. Biiikuouuu!
(Bikuou walks inside Falbium Asmodeus's house and kneels)
BIKUOU: What is it, Lord Asmodeus?
At this point, Sirzechs could not hold back the laughter that erupted from his mouth. Soon followed by Azazel.
"H-h-he's so fat!" The demon lord managed to say at last.
"And it looks like he's glued to that chair!" Azazel added, holding his sides in pain.
"I'm just surprised that Bikuou is Nail" Issei commented
"Why's that?" asked Bikuou raising an eyebrow.
"Well Nail character is defined by his stoic demeanor and seriousness towards his duties as guardian of the Namek Elder. You on the other hand are…um." Irina started but had to stop to find the right words
"Are a chronic prankster with the attention span of a sparrow" Vali finished without missing a beat. Bikou grumbled but couldn't argue because…well…it was true.
FALBIUM ASMODEUS: I saw a fish. That is all- you can go back outside now.
BIKUOU: (walks outside of Asmodeus's house; thinking) Oh God, this is so horribly dull. I hope something exciting happens around here soon. I don't care what it is.
FALBIUM ASMODEUS: (offscreen) Biiikuouuu!
BIKUOU: (sounding a bit annoyed) What?
FALBIUM ASMODEUS: (offscreen) I saw a bird. It was pretty. Kick its ass.
"Looks like you found a job you can actually be good at." Kuroka snarked. The man in question himself just shrugged.
"Spending my time doing stupid stuff. Sounds like the story of my life."
(Bikuou groans in annoyance)
(scene shifts to planet Arlia)
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, back on Arlia...
(scene goes to the Arlian prison cell, with the Arlian Prince still talking to Vali and Riser)
ARLIAN PRINCE: As you can see, many questionable people have been locked away in here.
"Kind of the point of prison in the first place." Gorou snarked.
"Now now. You know that's not what he meant." Miki chuckled.
ARLIAN PRISONER: Welcome to Oz, bitch! That's right, (to Vali) you with the silver hair!
"Huh. I guess Vali pissed this guy off somehow while we weren't looking." Issei mused before taking a sip from his soda cup.
"Knowing him, probably from just walking or even standing cocky." Kiba agreed, also taking a sip from his drink.
"Truly the greatest Lucifer ever." Azazel snorted as he started to down his cup of beer.
All while Vali smirked, expecting the pathetic bug to cluster about trying to show off that he was the big dog. And none of them were expecting...
ARLIAN PRISONER: You're going to be my BITCH!
So many spit takes happened all at once. All while the man himself now had a dumbfounded expression on his face. Which only made the choking laughter in the theater start off even faster and become louder even faster.
"Y-you might want to close your mouth!" Bikou cackled.
"Yeah!" Issei roared with laughter. "Someone might stick something in there!"
ARLIAN PRISONER: I'm going to sell you for a cigarette- but not before I violate you, because you're my BI-
"Oh man!" Azazel managed to say while rolling on the floor holding his aching sides. "That bug is so fucking dead! Hell, the entire planet is probably dead after this shit!"
Vali was seething in his seat as he slowly crushed the arm rest in his hand.
"The pain I would inflict on that insect would be the stuff of legends" he said through gritted teeth
(Scene cuts to the Arilan throne room)
ARLIAN KING: I love ruling this planet with an iron fist! Right, my quee- (throne room shakes as an explosion occurs offscreen) What in the great Arlian moon was that?
Finally, everyone was able to get back in their seats, no longer laughing like crazy.
"The sound of me parting your heir…all over the walls and ceiling" Vali said with a smirk
RISER: Hi!
ARLIAN KING: Who the f* are you two?
RISER: Hi, I'm Riser, and that's Vali. He was a prison bitch.
Vali tightened his fist in rage. "I barely know this Riser in real life. But I swear I am going to beat the shit of him next time I see him."
Back at the Phenex Household Riser Phenex feels a chill go up his spine. Like something bad was going to happen to him…and he had no idea why.
VALI: Shut the hell up, Riser!
RISER: 'Kay.
VALI: Anyway, we're here because my partner's an idiot. Now that we've got introductions out of the way, I think I'll just kill you and-
RISER: Hey, Vali.
VALI: Oh God, what now?
RISER: (notices Arlian Queen) I think that's their queen. I'm curious how they breed.
This time, instead of sounds of laughter, sounds of holding back vomit filled the room.
"Why the fuck would you ask about that!" Issei groaned.
"That's just disgusting to even think about!" Sirzechs said as he and Grayfia held their hands over Millicas's ears.
VALI: Oh, goddammit, Riser- that's disgusting! I say we just-
RISER: (To Arlians) Hey, you guys, breed for us!
Rias groaned as she too was almost sick. "Somehow how I feel like the actual Riser might say something like this! Now I'm even more grateful the engagement got cancelled!"
ARLIAN KING: Why should we listen to you? (Arlians guards begin surrounding Vali and Riser) You're surrounded by my thirteen elite... (Riser kills guards with an explosion) ...dead guards. (to his wife) Well, you heard him, honey.
Everyone went pale.
"Th-they're not actually going to-" Arthur panicked, already covering Le Fay's eyes and ears as best as he could.
RISER: They're not doing anything; they're just standing on top of each other and... (a snapping sound is heard while both Arlians start mating)Awww, there we go!
"Oh boy!" CC said. A snap of his fingers, and everyone had a bar bag in front of them. Which they all proceeded to use. Lucky for them, they were designed to be bottomless.
"Just in time." he sighed. But then he realized that three members of the audience were completely unbothered by the disgusting sounds.
Azazel looked around the room and chuckled. "Kids. Can't handle the natural process of creating life."
"Such a shame." Michael sighed.
"Really now." Gabriel sighed. "What on earth makes them act like this."
"Huh." CC said. "Makes sense that you guys wouldn't be bothered by this."
(Riser takes his cell phone and takes a picture. Vali's cell phone vibrates, and he takes out his cell phone and sees the picture.)
VALI: (disgusted from what he saw) Oh, goddammit, Riser!
Vali himself started throwing up extra hard at the thought of being forced to actually see such a disgusting picture.
(scene changes to Earth, on a barren wasteland)
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, back on Earth- Sirzechs has finally begun his training with Millicas.
"Oh, thank God!" Irina said as everyone started to recover, using cups of water that were provided to clean their mouths.
MILLICAS: So, Mr. Sirzechs, what are you gonna teach me today? A brand-new technique? How to sense energy? What about how to fly-
SIRZECHS: Dodge! (kicks Millicas)
Everyone winced at this. Though at the same time, none of them objected.
(scene cuts to the barren wasteland at dusk, Millicas is seen injured, has a wart covering his right eye and is sweating)
MILLICAS: (thinking) Oh man, this training with Mr. Sirzechs is really difficult. But I think I'm finally getting the hang of it-
SIRZECHS: DODGE!
MILLICAS: What? (gets blasted at point-blank by Sirzechs) WAAAAAAAAAAA-
(scene cuts to Sirzechs and Millicas in the middle of the wasteland accompanied with a long silence)
SIRZECHS: (punches Millicas in the face) DOOOOOOODGE!
MILLICAS: Aaaah!
"Ok, that's a bit concerning." Rias said, watching her precious family member get hit like that and struggling to dodge even right in front.
(scene shifts to the Hall of Justice)
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, at the Hall of Justice...
"Booooo." Issei and Irina said out loud.
"Oh boy." Miki chuckled. "Here we go again."
"Booo. Booo American heroes." Irina chanted.
"Booo superman."
SUPERMAN: Alright everyone, we have to do something about these Saiyans. They're approaching Earth quickly, and I don't think we have the strength to take them on alone. Batman, what are your thoughts?
BATMAN: Well, I think...
At the same time and in perfect sync, Issei and Irina pointed at the screen and said. "You're cool."
AQUAMAN: (offscreen) I have an idea!
BATMAN: Oh God, it's Aquaman...
AQUAMAN: (offscreen) Come on, guys, we could use whales! WHAAALES!
SUPERMAN: Someone, get him out of here!
AQUAMAN: (sadly; offscreen) I'ma whaaaaales...
"The most useless Superhero of all time ladies and gentlemen," said Azazel
(Scene shifts to planet Arlia)
There was a mix of sounds. Some relief at getting away from the random appearance of American heroes. And some groan at going back to the planet where...that was happening.
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, back on Arlia...
ARLIAN KING: There, I banged my wife, will ya leave us in peace?
VALI: Actually, no, I'm still going to kill you.
"Honestly, I don't even feel sympathy for those bugs like I did when originally watching this episode." Issei commented.
ARLIAN KING: Summon the Rancor!
(the Rancor arises from the ground, which is a gigantic Arlian)
RISER: Vali... It's... It's... It's so cute! Can I keep it? Can I keep it?
"I can't help but agree." Asia cooed. "It's such an adorable innocent creature."
VALI: Fine, just catch it or something.
RISER: Yay! (Rancor tries to attack Riser, who grabs its hand) Here boy, shake- (rips off one of the Rancor's fingers) Ahhh, I got your finger. Okay, now boy, catch the ball. Catch the ball! (hurls a blast at the Rancor, completely destroying it) Hagh! Awwww! Aww, I broked-ed it, Vali. It must be made of something weak- like paper maché, or Raynare.
ARLIAN KING: (the audio downgrades in quality) (terrified and begins running up to his throne) Please, I'll do anything you want! (Vali begins hurling debris at the king's throne) We'll give you riches, women- Wait, what are you doing?
VALI: I'm about to rock you... like a hurricane.
Azazel snickered at this. "Guess you're still in your chunibyo phase here Vali." He chuckled towards the silver-haired boy.
ARLIAN KING: I love that song! (debris hits the king in the torso, killing him) AAUGHWRR!
VALI: Ha, did you see that, Riser- that was totally bada- (looks towards Riser) What are you doing?
RISER: (offscreen) I'm cuddling it, Vali.
VALI: It's dead, Riser.
"Awwww." Asia pouted, prompting Xenovia and Akeno to pat her head lovingly.
RISER: NOOOOOO! (cries) Oh, I remember when we first got him, Vali.
(flashback of Riser Killing the Rancor with Barbara Streisand's "The Way We Were" playing in the background)
RISER: (audio returns to normal) Ah, good times.
ARLIAN: You have freed our race! You two are the greatest heroes known to our planet! We shall erect statues of you...
RISER: Well, isn't that nice of them, Val-
ARLIAN: ...out of our dung.
(silence)
While this caused a few laughs and raised eyebrows among the younger audience, the angels and fallen angel were totally unaffected.
"Not the first time that material's been used for construction." Azazel yawned.
RISER: Well, isn't that nice of them, Va-
VALI: We're leaving, Riser.
RISER: 'Kay.
(Vali and Riser fly to their Space Pods and leave Arlia)
RISER: Look at us, Vali, we saved an entire race from tyranny. We're heroes, Vali- we are a couple of really great guy-
(Vali exits his pod and destroys Arlia)
RISER: Ha ha! Ahaha! Ahh... tragic.
"Again," Issei spoke up. "Not really sympathizing with this version here."
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(scene shifts to a barren wasteland with Millicas eating berries)
MILLICAS: (thinking) Wow, I finally learned how to survive all by myself, live on my own, and surviving off the fat of the land. Mr. Sirzechs will be so proud- (gets blasted) YAAAYYYAYAYAY... (falls down and starts mumbling)
SIRZECHS: (offscreen) DOOOOOOOOODGE!
Sirzechs started to sweat as Grayfia turned towards him, only to be surprised as she looked down at Millicas sitting between them.
"You really need to work on your situational awareness." she said in a lightly chastising tone. "Even in our real life, you are a valuable target for our enemies. So, you must be aware of your surroundings in order to respond quickly."
"Yes mother." the young boy nodded. Meanwhile the crimson haired demon lord mentally sighed in relief. He wasn't in trouble this time! And he too hoped that Millicas would soon get over this hurdle.
Once again, many thanks to everyone for following along. Hope you enjoyed reading this as much as we enjoyed writing this out. It did take longer, but I hope you all are ok with the current pace we are doing this story. I am also working on other stories at the same time while we both work on personal matters in life. Thank you for your patience.
That's it for now. Please Favorite, Follow, and Review. But most of all, thank you for reading!