Based on Hey, Arnold! characters created by Craig Bartlett. Author claims no copyright.
On a late February dusk, Helga G. Shortman, with her blonde hair a tad shorter than usual, carried her five-month-old son Phil towards his crib to put him to sleep. Football-headed and blonde-tufted Phil had already started to become the spitting image of his father. He was growing a unibrow inherited from his mother.
Helga welcomed his nap time following a few crying bouts. Sleepless nights, diaper changing, lactation and the like tested her self control. She had to stop herself from shouting 'criminy' or 'quiet football head!' The pregnancy yoga class Arnold set her up with helped her stay calm.
Despite those occasional challenges she was as enamored with her newborn as one would hope a mother to be. It was not lost on Helga that Phil was the offspring of her and her soulmate Arnold. They had named him Philip after Arnold's grandfather.
There were times in her early 20s when Helga thought that what she had dreamed of, she and Arnold married with children, would never come. They had dated as teenagers but broke up when Arnold moved out of the country. It took Arnold soul-searching after years living abroad to come back into her life, only to discover her mired in alcohol abuse. When she need help to get clean and he needed help reconnecting to life in Hillwood, they got back together for good.
With her squirt in bed, Helga had a chance to check her phone for the first time in a few hours. A text from her older sister Olga showed up.
OLGA (text)
Baby sister! is Arnold around this weekend?
HELGA (text)
He should be. Why? What's up?
OLGA (text)
Donny is gonna try baseball. But his friend that got him interested can't practice this weekend. I know you two are busy with little Phil but if Arn could play catch with him for a little while he'd like that. He was so helpful with Don teaching him the harmonica.
HELGA (text)
I think he could spare an hour or so but I'll ask.
OLGA (text)
Thanks!
Olga Pataki was perfect. Bob and Miriam saw their elder daughter that way. Nothing more and nothing less. Straight As and a hoard of spelling bee and piano trophies were accumulated in her youth.
By the time Olga graduated from Bennington College she was too burnt out to seek her masters in hopes to become a child psychologist as she had planned. Instead she wanted to let loose and try her hand at acting. Unfortunately she didn't have much luck, being passed on for a few Broadway shows.
The sudden losing streak of the daughter previously deemed infallible put her out of favor in the Pataki household she had returned to.
Olga rediscovered the special attention she was shockingly denied at a piano bar. The Circle Theater Lounge. She was hired on the keyboard at the CT Lounge by its owner, Tony Spumoni, nephew of legendary crooner Dino Spumoni. Uncle Dino got his big break next door at the historic Circle Theater. Employment turned into marriage to Tony and a son they named Donatello, or 'Donny' for short.
To the dismay of Olga she discovered that Tony had a dark side, much like his uncle Dino. Tony was a compulsive gambler and had accumulated a mountain of debt, which brought bookies to their door. He had also been implicated in a money laundering scheme that eventually sent him to jail. Upon her digging into it Tony slapped Olga and cursed her out.
Olga fled with four-year-old Donny to the Hillwood suburbs and got a divorce. Thrust into single motherhood, she went back to school to get her teaching credential and ran some piano lessons on the side. Her parents threw her financial lifelines but just as they would be with Helga, they were often absent, off on cruises or golfing travels.
Olga felt scarred by men. Prior to Tony, her ex-fiancé Doug turned out not to be who she thought he was. In Tony she felt as if she had married her father. Big Bob was not physically abusive but like Tony he was involved in suspicious business dealings and had given her unwavering and unrealistic expectations of perfection. She also thought that another man would get in the way of her resurgent career ambitions. She also wanted stability for Donny.
However, Olga was a tad jealous of her baby sister. Helga had accomplished her life long mission of marrying Arnold, the man of her dreams.
More importantly, though, Olga saw her brother-in-law as a someone that could be a good male role model for Donny. At least a better one than Tony and Big Bob.
If it were up to Olga she would have played catch with her son. But she had a piano lesson booked for the upcoming Saturday Donny had planned to meet with his pal Jimmy to throw the ball around. Jimmy had been grounded out of needing to make up some homework. Arnold had less time to spare with new parental duties but Olga thought it wouldn't hurt to ask.
Arnold walked in with two grocery bags from a pit stop on the way back from his office. Helga had just finished catching up on texts, emails and news from her phone as he came through the door. "Hey babe, our little guy is asleep?," he said to a nodding and smiling Helga. Then they pecked on the lips. "How was work?", she asked as he emptied the contents of the bags to their places in the kitchen.
"Oh, same old stuff, preaching cognitive behavioral and wellness stuff, how was yours?," said Arnold.
"Tiring," Helga replied. "Phil with all his drooling and crying drives me nuts. Arrgh. And yet, I just can't get enough of him. Our lovely son."
"That's my Helga," said Arnold as his wife blushed.
"That's my Helga" had become a recurring line for Arnold. It was his way of making light of how she took out her aggression on him when they were kids but was secretly in love with him the whole time.
"Oh yeah," Helga said as she got up from the couch, "Olga wanted to know if you could play catch with Donny on Saturday. He's trying out baseball."
"Sure, absolutely," Arnold replied, "but only if it doesn't cut into my weekend baby bonding time."
"I'll give you an hour or so, don't be gone too long, football head," said Helga playfully.
The piano lesson Olga had scheduled was in the city. So she drove her son to the park in Hillwood near the Shortmans' townhouse where Arnold was to meet them.
Olga pulled her blue SUV to the curb in front of the park, next to the backstop. Donny opened the door and walked out, wearing a blue cap over his light brown hair and a glove on his left hand.
A few feet away, Arnold spotted them and walked over. He had a yellowish five-o-clock shadow that matched his hair and was wearing a Hillwood Black Sox hat instead of his usual plain blue one.
"Hey Donny," he said. "Hi Uncle Arnold," Donny replied. Olga had rolled down the front seat window. "Baby brother! Thanks so much, sorry for the trouble," she said. "Hey Olg, no problem at all. He's the only nephew I have. He'll be helping me coach his cousin Phil before he knows it." "I owe you some babysitting time," Olga said just before driving off.
Arnold and Donny stood a few feet away from each other on the grass. The first few throws Donny dropped. "Eye on the ball, squeeze your glove like this," Arnold said while gesturing. Donny picked up on it after a few more throws.
"You still play harmonica, Uncle Arnold?," asked Donny. "Not since your cousin was born," Arnold answered. "You know, baseball is kind of like music. It takes a rhythm to make things happen. A lot of repetition. Maybe your mom pitched in softball once. It probably came natural to her."
"My mom was good at sports? Donny asked. "She never told me." "Are you kidding?," Arnold replied, "your mom has always been good at everything. Your Aunt Helga and I could never catch up with her."
"Did you play?," Donny asked as the catch continued.
"I played some second base and shortstop in high school," Arnold said as he threw Donny grounders. "I wasn't the best hitter. Not as good as when I was your age playing in the street or this vacant lot my buddies and I found. Hitting a baseball is a hard thing to do. Playing catch is way easier. One step at a time."
Arnold stopped throwing for a moment. "Coaches usually put you in the outfield if you're new," he said. " If you want to work your way up to another position, go for it, but while we're here back up a little so you can work on pop flies." Donny did so before Arnold lobbed one in the air. It dropped on the grass before Donny could get under it. When he got under another one he butchered it. After a few more pop ups he caught more of them.
They took a break after a while and sat on a nearby park bench. Olga was not due back for a bit but Arnold texted Helga just to update her. He and Donny chatted a bit about how school was going and what was on his mind other than baseball.
"One of these days I should take you and your cousin to a Black Sox game at Quigley Stadium," said Arnold. "Okay," said Donny. "When I was around your age," Arnold went on, "I went to one with my buddy Gerald, and I caught a home run ball. It was hit by Mickey Kaline. He was my favorite player. Now he's in the hall of fame and he's a commentator on tv. It ended up being his last hit ever."
"Wow," Donny said, "you still have it?" "No," Arnold replied, "I gave it back to him. Oh, and your great uncle went to Quigley once to throw out the first pitch. Back in the prime of his career. One of his songs was about baseball- Play Ball. My grandparents liked that one."
Donny chewed on the piece of bubble gum Arnold gave him. "Uncle Arnold," he said, "I don't wanna be like my dad."
"Yeah your dad did some shady things," said Arnold, "but you won't be like him. You know why? Because you've got your mom. She's doing right by you. Aunt Helga and I won't let you screw up either. Plus, you're already on top of it. I mean, you did your homework and your friend didn't." Donny blew a gum bubble as he was told this.
On a Saturday in mid-March, the Little League season began in the Hillwood suburb of Greenwood. Arnold, Helga and baby Phil had made a trip over there to watch Donny play his first game. They parked far enough away from the fields so not to risk their car getting dented. They walked over, pushing Phil in his stroller, to the bleachers of the 9-10-year-old field. Olga had saved seats for them. They parked the stroller and carried Phil. Arnold went to the nearby refreshment stand to get some peanuts, then took them over.
Donny struck out. Then he hit a ground ball to first base. 0 for 2. When they put him in right field for three innings no balls were hit his way.
"I hate to say this but I'm kind of glad that dad isn't here right now," said Olga. Helga and Arnold nodded in unison. "Yeah, the last thing Donny needs right now is the Pataki pep talk," said Helga while she cradled Phil.
The Pataki sisters had both pictured Big Bob livid at the sight of his grandson swinging and missing. That and giving Donny the whole 'Patakis are winners,' spiel. Instead he was off at a golf course in Hawaii with Miriam at that moment.
"You were right, Uncle Arnold," said Donny after he left the dugout when the game was over, "catch is way easier than hitting."
"Next time, let's go to the batting cages," said Arnold.