"Good, good," Palpatine chuckled. "The Force is strong with you. A powerful Sith you will become. Henceforth, you shall be known as Darth… Vader."

Anakin looked up.

"Why?" he asked.

"...why what?" Palpatine said.

"Why Vader?" Anakin asked. "There's a theme, right? With the names. They represent things."

"Yes, of course," Palpatine agreed.

"I'm just saying," Anakin went on. "Like… I'm pretty sure you're Darth Sidious? You haven't actually used the name but there isn't anyone else you could be. Unless I lost count. And you're… insidious. You got yourself elected as the leader of both sides of the war at once…"

Anakin frowned slightly. "Huh. I guess that means the whole war is kind of your fault."

"You had a point?" Palpatine asked, deciding he'd rather hear Anakin's name speculations than Anakin doing a root-cause analysis.

"Right, right," Anakin realized. "So, I don't know when you got the name, but it's really fitting. Really appropriate. Like I say, it's a meaning thing, you're the kind of guy who would do that. And then there's… Dooku, who's, Darth Tyrannus. So he's a tyrant. He's a hereditary count, and he runs the Confederacy of Independent Systems pretty much by himself. The head of state."

Anakin coughed. "Right, uh. Was the head of state. Until he lost. Not an election, the, head of state – but, anyway, Tyrannus the tyrant. It's fitting. And that guy you mentioned, uh, Plagueis… he was doing things with tiny organisms that live inside us. Like a plague!"

"So?" Palpatine asked. "What is your objection to Vader?"

"Well, it's not really clear what it's meant to mean," Anakin replied. "Even that other guy, the one Obi-Wan killed only he didn't. Darth Maul. That's a pretty appropriate name for him since he has about as much self-control as a blender."

"That was actually a very easy one," Palpatine said. "He is called Maul Oppress."

Anakin winced.

"Ouch," he said. "So that was his birth name? I guess his brother is called Savage, so that makes sense, but still… why can't I be Darth Anakin?"

"Anakin doesn't mean anything," Palpatine pointed out.

"Skywalker does, though," Anakin replied. "Darth Skywalker?"

"You can't fly," Palpatine informed him. "At least, I don't think you can. Master Windu could not, I think."

Anakin glanced out the window.

"...I hope not?" he said, vaguely. "But what's wrong with Darth Skywalker, anyway? What are other Sith names?"

"There was Darth Bane," Palpatine muttered. "He was the bane of the Jedi, of course… and his apprentice, Darth Zannah."

"What's a Zannah?" Anakin said.

"I don't know, it was a thousand years ago!" Palpatine said. "And, of course, Darth Tenebrous, Master to Darth Plagueis."

Anakin frowned.

"Tenebrous… like, shadowy," he said. "That's what that word means, right? Or, obscure. So he'd be someone who nobody knew much about. Is that what he was like?"

"I don't know, I don't know much about him," Palpatine admitted. "Anyway! Darth Vader is a perfectly good name, because it symbolizes how you will be leading my invading armies."

"...to prevent the Jedi from taking over, right?" Anakin said.

"Yes, yes, to prevent the Jedi taking over," Palpatine replied. "Starting with moving on the Jedi Temple. I think you are the only Jedi who was not informed of the Jedi plot."

"What about if Obi-Wan fell to the Dark Side?" Anakin asked. "What would his Sith name be?"

"What?" Palpatine said. "I don't know. I don't think it's likely to come up."

"Darth Filibuster," Anakin guessed. "But, I don't know… I don't think I'm an invader. I'm more of a liberator. Couldn't I be Darth Emancipator?"

"A little on the nose, don't you think?" Palpatine asked.

"You called someone Darth Tyrannus," Anakin replied. "Darth Mancipator, then."

Palpatine shook his head. "That sounds like a wrestler. Beside, Anakin, I'm not sure you've got the point here. The name is supposed to sound intimidating."

"Darth Murder," Anakin suggested.

"Intimidating, not tryhard," Palpatine sighed.

"You were okay with Maul," Anakin retorted.

"That was his name," Palpatine reminded him. "Look, just go with Vader, okay? I'm late for a holocall killing off the entire Jedi Order."

"You can do that?" Anakin asked. "Because… I know I'm under a lot of stress but if you can do that I'm fairly sure that proves all the allegations about you."

He shook his head. "Anyway, uh… what else does a Sith do?"

"Oh, the usual," Palpatine shrugged. "Take over the galaxy, build impractical superweapons, run plots decades or centuries in the making to put all your pawns exactly in the right place… kill your master…"

Anakin raised his lightsaber.

"Not me, you buffoon," Palpatine snapped.

"...who, then?" Anakin asked.

"I want you to kill Obi-Wan Kenobi," Palpatine replied. "But I was talking about Sith killing their masters in the generic sense."

Anakin raised his lightsaber again.

"No!" Palpatine said, exasperated. "The apprentice is only meant to kill the master when they've surpassed their master!"

"Oh, right," Anakin realized, lowering his blade. "So you surpassed your master before killing him? That must have been an amazing… wait."

He frowned. "We went through all the names. So you killed your master in his sleep? That sounds like the kind of thing an apprentice who hadn't surpassed his master would do. Especially because otherwise he'd be ready for you."

"Of course," Palpatine said. "If I'd waited until he was expecting it, I'd never have been able to do it!"

Anakin raised his lightsaber.

"Why are you so eager to kill me, Anakin!" Palpatine asked.

"I solve all my problems with lightsabers and it's worked so far," Anakin shrugged. "Hey, that's what I should be! Darth Saber!"

Palpatine stared at him for several seconds.

"Fine, whatever," he said, eventually. "Arise, Darth Saber. And learn some subtlety at some point."

AN:

I don't think Palpy has any command seals.