Ch. 5

"Shouldn't you want this?" He tilted her head back and leaned in, closer…closer… She parted her lips instinctually, letting her eyes close on their own. She felt hot, she felt a lot of things, including his warm breath coming down over her face until his lips had almost brushed against hers. "…yes." No sooner had the word slipped from her lips did he smash his lips against hers, grabbing her tighter. Fire burning between them, she threaded her fingers through the curls at the nape of his neck, involuntarily leaning into his kiss and touch…

The sunshine was bright on the other side of the curtains in her room. Padmé woke up in a huff, sitting straight up, gasping for air. Her eyes were wide, and she looked around to make sure she was alone. She let out a small sigh of relief noticing it was just her.

Damn Anakin and his stupid attractiveness, his stupid flirtatious nature, his stupid innuendo that she had no actual proof was anything more than a genuine question. It was bad enough it happened in the first place, and now he was invading her dreams. She liked to think the last thing that would've been on her mind before bed was the call with her friends, but no, when she finally got them off the phone she just had to look over and who did she see? Who. Else. And ever since then, he'd shown up in her stupid dreams every night for the past 4 nights. She rolled her head from side to side and stretched. When her heartbeat returned to a normal rhythm, she ran both of her hands through her hair before slamming back down against her pillows.

"Fuck!"

Anakin woke up way too early, it was barely 4:30 a.m. but he just couldn't sleep. Well, he could sleep, but he couldn't stay asleep. He hadn't dreamt of her in years, and now… Being around her was absolutely intoxicating, he couldn't stop. Enough, no more dreams about Padmé, lovely as they were. Since he was up, he might as well get a move on. By 5:30 when the sun was starting to rise, he had already showered, made breakfast, and went for a jog. Artoo seemed confused at his owner's ambitious start to the day, but Anakin needed to change up his routine just this once. They'd go for their regular walk later in the morning.

He had nothing better to do, so why not fix the motorcycle? He hadn't had the motivation to mess with it much since it broke down in the spring, but summer was slipping away if he wanted to go for a single ride before it got cold again. Boston was brutal in the winter, he shivered at the thought of the snow and ice. Especially after spending so many years overseas where it was hot all day, every day. He came to not even be bothered by the heat though, because the worst part of the environment was the sand. For miles in every direction. Nothing but it. He scowled even now. He hated sand. He couldn't keep anything clean, it got everywhere, and everything left out was constantly needing to be dusted off before the day's mission could start. A total nuisance. Eventually you learn to deal with it, but he never learned to like it.

Anakin opened his garage door and maneuvered the bike into the drive so he could get a better look. He worked on it for what seemed like forever, yelling, kicking, throwing things occasionally. The damn thing had started and died about five times during his efforts, and he was ready to give up. It had to be well into the morning now. He ditched his shirt when it got drenched in sweat and grease, but finally… he thought he fixed it. He threw a leg over the seat and fired it up. This time – started right up, no problem.

"AHA!" He clapped his hands together before revving the motor a few times. Artoo barked from inside the house, but Anakin waved him off. If he needed to use the bathroom, he could just use his dog-door. He turned the motorcycle back off before immediately starting it back up to make sure it wasn't a fluke. "Yes!" He shouted again when everything worked the same as before.

Artoo whined now, and pawing at the front window, which was weird since he was trained to only do that in emergencies. He shrugged. He'd just deal with it when he got back. He started to turn the bike around so he could take off and when he glanced up, Padmé was standing in his driveway in her robe, fuzzy slippers, with her hair in a messy bun, fists tight at her sides.

"Anakin Skywalker, do you have any idea what time it is?" Padmé growled at him through gritted teeth.

He had to admit that he truly had no idea. "Ehh…no?" He turned the bike off again, swinging his leg back over off the seat. He suddenly felt a bit like a child in trouble and it didn't help that she was glaring at him and softly tapping her foot on the ground.

"Well…let me enlighten you. It's just a little past 7. In. The. Morning." He could tell she was furious. She never was much of a morning person, while he had always been an early riser. He liked to watch the sunrise as often as he could. Every time he tried to get her to join him, she would groan before pushing him out of the bed, usually with a palm to the face, and rolling over. He wasn't sure exactly how many early mornings senators had, but he was glad he wasn't in charge of getting her up for them.

"I'm sorry, I just—I couldn't sleep, and I thought I'd make use of my time. I—guess I should've been quieter though. Did I wake you?" He set the bike on its kickstand and reached to grab his discarded shirt.

"No, I regret to say you didn't, but you did keep me from going back to sleep, like I would've prior to your cursing, tool clanking, and engine revving I could hear from all the way across the street!" He could see her looking him up and down when he slid his shirt back over his head. He couldn't help but grin, making her quickly look away.

Did she just say she wasn't asleep? Hmm. He wondered if they were up for the same reason. And she looked… kind of adorable this angry with her nose wrinkled, eyebrows scrunched, her best attempt at a serious face while suppressing a yawn. Maybe it would be fun to push her a little.

"Couldn't sleep, Senator?" He stepped toward her, smiling mischievously now. "Too busy thinking of some important bill back home?"

"Oh, please. I'd be the only one in all of Washington doing so if that were the case. And I told you, don't call me that," she looked back up at him, taking a small step backwards the closer he got to her.

"Riiiiight," he drew the word out slowly, nodding his head and continuing his approach. He locked eyes with her as he moved, and she pulled her robe tighter around herself. "My apologies, Padmé," he said in a low, husky voice. "Something else keeping you up then?"

She cleared her throat, holding the front of her clothes like she was afraid he was going to knock it away with some invisible force. "It—it's nothing. Just… a dream. No—nothing to…"

He bit his lip, noting the soft pink that had come across her cheeks. "Oh, just a dream? Not a nightmare, though. That would be bad."

She took another step back, "Y-yeah well…" She swayed a bit, "Well, it wasn't."

"Funny, I was up because of a dream too, but also not a nightmare, what are the odds?" He moved quickly to close the distance.

"Anakin." She put her hand out toward him but did so right as he stepped nearly chest to chest with her. Her small hand landing on his lower stomach. She looked at it and then at his face before snatching her hand away. Her face was bright red as she turned to leave. He couldn't help but laugh at her, moving away like touching him had burnt her. "Goodbye Anakin! Just…try to be quieter next time!" She went marching back across the street.

She was so easy to fluster sometimes, to tease her just enough but not enough to really upset her. Because he did want her to come back again, he had missed this. God, he missed her. She had to have a million people answering her ever beck and call, always in total control, but standing in front of him… blushing madly… how could he resist? Standing there with her, he felt like a kid again, hopelessly in… love? He needs to stop thinking about her. She's a politician. You can't trust politicians.

"Will do. See you later, angel." The words fell off his tongue through pure instinct. She froze momentarily in the middle of the street before continuing on to the porch and through the door without looking back at him. He stood there shaking his head before he got back on his bike and started it up. Now, he needed an even longer ride.

She frantically closed the front door before pressing her back against it and steadying her breath. "Angel." She scoffed. Why is he like this? It's like some form of slow torture. When she told Dormé about her dreams, she said she should lighten up, that 'messing around' on a vacation was something people did, and if she was going to do it with anyone, there probably wasn't a better choice. Padmé scolded her ridiculous suggestion, but if Anakin kept up this… No. There's no way that was going to happen.

They hadn't even talked unless you counted the first day and this morning, both her chiding him for being particularly irritating. Both also included him moving awfully close and involved more physical contact than she had actually bargained for. And his stupid ability to turn her anger into his… flirtations. Getting her all worked up. She hated how easily he was able to do that to her. She was a senator, and he had her feeling like an infatuated teenager. She wanted to be president, damn it, and this …man… was now reducing her to some sort of base desire. She thought back on her friend's advice again before pushing it out of her mind for good, she was notgoing to do anything with Anakin. That was that.

"Something the matter?" her mom called, ripping her from her thoughts. Padmé jumped like she was caught with her hand in the cookie jar. She put her hand on her chest and shook her head rigorously. "Nope, not a thing," she said before rushing off toward the stairs.

"Okay, dear. Whatever you say." Jobal took a sip of her coffee, amused at her younger daughter's attempts to conceal what was noticeable to everyone else.

Ruwee came up and looped an arm around his wife's shoulders, "What was that about? Did she just come in from outside dressed in her…"

"Yes, yes, she did," Jobal leaned her head against her husband, "I think he's getting the best of her already, you know. And she still has nearly three weeks to go. She never did like that about him."

Ruwee shook his head, "I'd assume not. They always were sort of an odd pair, though." His wife turned her face to look at him with a smile. "Ah, I know that look. You stay out of this."

She laughed and stepped away, raising her hands in defeat, "I'm not going to do anything different than I ever have."

"That means you're going to do something though," He raised an eyebrow to her as she started backing away, "Maybe I should go talk to him myself, man-to-man."

"I thought you just told me to stay out of it!"

Her husband laughed before following her further into the house. "I did, but I never said anything about me."

Padmé woke up much later than she intended to after finally managing to escape her thoughts of Anakin and get some sleep. Being away from her strict senate schedule, her work out routine, with no meetings, no people around her… What a weird place to be, it felt as if time was an illusion.

She lazily dragged herself from the covers, noticing it was now well into the late afternoon, and heard some commotion from outside. If it was Anakin again, she swore to all the Gods, she might actually lose it. Even more so because now she'd know he was doing it on purpose. She peeked out the window to see her dad standing in Anakin's garage, his laughter reverberating through the whole neighborhood practically. Ruwee was a lot of things, but mechanically inclined was not one of them so he couldn't be helping out. And Anakin definitely wasn't that funny. She narrowed her eyes, letting the curtain fall closed. He was up to something, and she had a bad feeling about what that something was.

"What's dad doing at Anakin's?" She called, fumbling to pull her shirt over her head on the way downstairs.

"Hm? He's at Anakin's?" Jobal responded, circling the kitchen island. Oh great, they're both up to something. And neither of them was going to let her in on what.

She grabbed a yogurt and banana, resisting the childish urge to roll her eyes at her mother's feigned innocence. "I'd really appreciate it if you were both just up front with me about whatever's going on with you and your 'adopted son' if you don't mind," she said with a slight edge to her voice that Jobal perked up at. She sat down across from where her mom was standing to eat her make-shift 'breakfast.'

Jobal tapped a finger in front of her, calling for her attention – that gesture hadn't changed once in her entire life and without hesitation, Padmé's pulled her attitude together and looked up.

"Thank you," her mom offered with a raised eyebrow, "but if you don't mind, there's nothing to let you know. Anakin's our neighbor that we've known for nearly his entire life if you recall. He helps us around here, and he's been helping your dad with the lawn mower since it broke down. He's a good man, you know. You, on the other hand, have been in a foul mood for most of your trip so far and are taking it out on everyone else. You care to be up front about that?"

Padmé set her spoon down, throwing her trash away before returning to her seat. "I'm sorry… Things have just been… so complicated, nothing is going the way it's supposed to be, and everything feels beyond my control. I—I know you're close with Anakin, Sola and I talked about it. It just… bothers me. And don't ask why." She ran a hand over her head, tugging her ponytail tighter.

She knew why it bothered her. For one thing, she was still upset about the whole…lying and hiding, but after her 'argument' with Sola she didn't want to get into it with her mom too. The other part bothered her more – much more. It all felt a little like the life she 'might have had' in a different time, a different place. Where she could've been settled down with a family, like her sister. Like her parents. Sure, they'd ran a non-profit while her dad was a professor and had worked incredibly hard, but they did it all together and she was… alone. In her day-to-day, she was able to forget all of that.

Most of her friends were single, she was one of millions of single, young, working professionals in the bustle of the metro area. Even shuffling around the state for constituent work. There wasn't a shortage of people exactly like her. Not to mention how busy she was with her political work without the free time for someone else. So, it never bothered her, she hadn't had a serious anything since Rush and that was fine. But being here, where everything was moving at a slower pace, no schedule pushing her through the day…

Her and Sola were not the same, they had completely different trajectories. Darred was it for her sister from the moment they met, and she never wanted that. She knew that, in her heart – what she had done for herself was everything she wanted it to be. But maybe she could've had both? Was it selfish for her to want both? Or was it because her friends were seriously beginning to settle down? What did she want though? Padmé was never the one to do something just because it was expected of her, she wouldn't have done 90% of the things she had if that were the case. But… having someone… might be nice.

Her mom reached out and placed a hand over hers. "Padmé… You may think you're fooling me, but I'm your mother and you're not. I've seen you at your happiest, and at your saddest. I know every expression that's ever crossed your face, and I know when my baby is hurt. You didn't come home because this was your first choice, I know that, but I also know this isn't just about Anakin, or me and your father's behavior. You walk around with so many pressures and opinions looming over your head. The fate of the nation is not solely your responsibility to consider. You have to learn to let some of it go or it'll kill you," she said softly, giving her daughter's hand a squeeze, "And it's also okay to talk about it. Maybe not with me, maybe you're too old for your old mother's advice. But you should talk to someone."

She shook her head, "No, mom. Never. I don't want you to… That's not how I feel at all." She looked up at her, completely dropping her façade. "I don't know how to not… be the one with the answers, be the one in charge. This is who I've been for as long as I can remember," her voice was quiet as her mom came around the counter to wrap her in a hug. "But I'm worried that I'm taking on too much, that I'm going to do all those things they say I will – crumble, not have what it takes, not be level-headed enough."

Jobal squeezed her tight and rocked slowly, "The weight of the world on your shoulders and at the end of the day… we're still only human underneath it all. You are not those things that people say, especially not the people who want you to fail. This is who you've always been – your sense of justice and duty has driven you since the day you started making your own choices. Which is exactly why it's time to take a moment just for you. You have to learn how to extend the faith in and patience you have for others to yourself." She leaned back, tilting her daughter's face up. "Who you are, who you've always been, the woman with the plans, the answers, the gumption to do what's needed, is the reason you don't crumble and are so level-headed. But that's when you're out there. Save that for them."

She scrunched her face up a bit, "What do you mean, save it for them?"

"You don't leave your work at work and—just listen—I know that's what makes you a good politician. But! You don't have to be anyone other than who you are when you're here, at home. Ever. My little girl may be an all-grown-up senator-turned-president one day living in the White House, but in this house - we only call her Padmé."

"I don't know how you always know what to say, but I'm glad you do," Padmé sat up, leaning her head against her mom. "I don't think I'd know what to do with myself if I had to be 'Senator Amidala' in this house though," she added with a small laugh.

"Lucky for you, you'll never have to. You're a Naberrie in here," her mom pointed to her heart, "And the rest of the world can't ever take that from you."

She smiled warmly. She couldn't be luckier to have the family support that she did. "Can I ask you something? And you'll be honest?"

"Always, honey."

"What do you think I should do? About the campaign, the presidency? After this whole thing with Palpatine… My team has been running around trying to control the wildfire he's been pouring gasoline on. This time I was able to dodge questions and handle it. What if I can't next time? What if I can't comment on what they're saying at all? And what if I lose?"

"What if you win? That crazy old man has had it out for you since day one, you know that. But you don't get backed into corners, that's not who we raised you to be. You chose your team because they're good at what they do, but they stick with you because they believe in you. And so do we. So does this state. But you won't know anything unless you get out there and get to work like you always have. Besides, I think you already have a pretty good idea what you want to do already."

"Do you have these speeches planned and you just wait for me to ask?" Jobal laughed and Padmé hugged her mom tighter, "Really though, thank you, mom. I wouldn't have made it to where I am without you, or dad. And I love you both, so much."

"We love you too, we are always behind you 100%. Even if you are the reason your father went gray so young in life," she joked, breaking the serious mood and in turn, making Padmé laugh. She stepped back, relinquishing her hold as she took her daughter by the hand and pulled her to her feet. "Now come…" she led her by the hand to the front windows, pointing across the street, "…I want to show you these two."

Ruwee and Anakin were still standing together, both with their arms crossed against their chests, laughing. Padmé felt something warm swell in her chest, looking at the both of them. It was a bit bittersweet, thinking back on her previous thought that this could've been her life. Where her dad would come back over here, and she would just be dropping something off before she joined her husband back at home. Maybe they'd be planning a summer vacation, with her entire family. Maybe they'd have a child by now, or two, and a dog. A world where they'd just be everyday people… She'd actually be one of the people she tried to project herself to be. The proverbial 'All-American family', white picket fence included. Before she could dwell long, Jobal pulled her back to the moment.

"Your father doesn't know a single thing about mechanics. He can tell you all about the markers for an approaching recession or evaluate the economic impacts of a hurricane or flood to a low-income community. But ask him to change a spark plug…" Her mom waved of the hand. "But he goes over there and he's like a schoolboy. He'll come home later and sit in the kitchen with me and tell me everything the two of them worked on today. Anakin is like the son we didn't have. Darred is a wonderful son-in-law, but he has his own family, with Sola, and otherwise. But those two, they enjoy each other, and I think Anakin feels the same. He and Cliegg were never really… well, they were never like this," she looked at them, smiling, before turning her attention back to her daughter. "You should really give him a chance, he's not the same man he used to be. Maybe the two of you could take a weekend at the beach house before you go."

Padmé snapped her attention back to Jobal, her smile shifting into a confused frown, "Wh-what are you talking about? There's nothing going on between me and Anakin. Nor will there be! Especially not before I leave!"

Her mom laughed, shaking her head as she started to walk away. Padmé followed after her quickly, "I'm serious, mom!"

Grabbing food from the fridge to start preparing, she smiled, "I know you are, that's what makes it so funny." She let the door close, walking over to the stove. "Meanwhile, I see the way you two look at each other, or more precisely, the way you look at him. In all the years, I've never seen you look at anyone else that way. And you're so touchy about it!"

She spoke with her back to Padmé, which offered her a chance to roll her eyes on that note, "I do not look at Anakin any kind of way. Anything you see is just…" She could not catch a break with this guy.

"Just what, Padmé? Hmmm?" She laughed again, chopping vegetables, much to her daughter's annoyance.

"It's just… fondness of a memory!" She stuttered out. She couldn't think of a single way to put it into words, whatever it was she was trying to describe that existed between them.

She put her hands up to her daughter's assurances, "Whatever you say, dear. I just… Just do me a favor and think about what I said, will you? He's a good man. And I have to admit, beyond the lawnmower, your father was there to invite him for the barbecue next weekend. He's been dying to try out the new meat smoker he bought."

She should have known that her original feelings were correct, the two of them had been conspiring about something. "I knew you were up to something, you just wanted an opening to lecture me without my guard up," her mom spun around, finger pointed ready to go again, before Padmé laughed. Getting Jobal worked up was irresistible, her and Sola relished in doing so when they were younger and every other time they managed to since.

Jobal shook a finger at her, "You know I was ready to let you have it all over again for that. Now get out of my kitchen unless you're going to help. Otherwise, wash up, it's time to start dinner before your dad comes to talk my ear off about the most efficient way to clean a lawn mower or something."

"Yes ma'am," Padmé made to salute with a chuckle as her mom turned back around before moving to the sink to help.

"I think my mom is trying to set me up with Anakin," she said, dipping her toes in the pool.

"Your mom? Jobal? She would never! I'm... I am stunned!" Sabé replied in mock astonishment with a laugh.

"Shut up and be serious, would you?"

"I can't be serious when you say dumb shit like that," she managed to stifle her laughter, but Padmé could still hear it in the distance over the phone. "Okay, okay, why do you think she's trying to set you up with him?"

"Why do I think she wants me to date him, or what proof do I have that she's plotting against me?" She kicked at the water some, wishing her best friend was beside her instead of hours away.

"I mean… I'm interested in both. So, wherever you want to start. It's been so long since you called me to complain about a guy, I'm just living for every minute of it."

"You and Dormé, and probably Sola if I told her, are all doing just that. At my expense," she huffed. "But who else would appreciate just how stupid this is if not you two?" Despite her complaining, she was beyond thankful to have them to confide in at all. Particularly because she didn't have to continuously relive their past to tell a story.

"Exactly, so spill it, Naberrie."

Padmé could hear her voice echo some as she heard glass clanking. "Are you pouring wine right now?" She laughed.

"Of course, I am! Who has a good gossip hour without a drink? Besides… I almost strangled a client over a contract today," Sabé said. "Now quit avoiding my question."

She recounted her interaction with Anakin and conversation with her mom from a couple days ago, having to pause several times to answer some clarifying question or wait for Sabé to stop laughing.

"Well?" She asked, chewing the inside of her cheek, "Thoughts?"

"Jobal is my hero, I want you to tell her I said that too. What a gem," she cackled, Padmé moving the phone away from her ear as she did. "God, your mom is the best."

"Based on what? I just described, in detail, her very devious plans."

"Devious plans? Really Padmé? Is your mom secretly like a Palpatine-proxy or something?" She laughed again, "She's doing exactly what she's always done with you! Putting your options right in front of you and just casually nudging you. It's so subtle! Maybe that's where you get your political intuition."

"I'm really glad you're such a fan of her work," Padmé rolled her eyes. "Now. On to all of the reasons I need her to stop…"

"Oh, give it up, girl. You've done nothing but tell me story after story about how different Anakin is now, which means you noticed first of all. And second, that is exactly what your mom said. How do you know it would be so bad if you just… Had a conversation with him?"

"Because… What if it is different? Then what? I already can't figure anything out, what makes you think I want to add to it?" She stood and started pacing around the deck in her frustration.

"So, you're just going to live for the campaign, end up in the White House, live solely for the country and… then what? If you become president, there is not anywhere further up to go, unless you marry royalty or something. Which I would support, not that it matters, just saying. But what have you done for yourself in that time?"

"Fine, I'll relent that point to you… But it doesn't… Wait a minute." She stopped abruptly.

"What now?" Sabé asked, exasperated.

"How do we even know Anakin wants to talk to me or anything like that?"

"Are you always this stupid and I've just misremembered, or is it only with men?" Padmé gasped, to Sabé's amusement. "When's the last time a man played in your hair, called your name in some low voice, or even smiledat you for reasons other than the only ones I'm thinking of that makes a man, the same man, do that…"

She knew Sabé was going to say that. Because she already knew that. She was just hoping that it wasn't…true. "I…know." Padmé groaned, "That's the problem."

"Would you stop trying to figure it out and oh, I don't know, chill the fuck out for once in your life? It's Anakin we're talking about. I do remember him, you know. If we…disregard…that one year, he always adored you. I'm honestly shocked he didn't seek you out at some point. Especially with this whole thing with your family?"

She mumbled under her breath, "Yeah, I'm starting to feel that way too."

"See? I knew you'd come to your senses." Padmé could tell from her tone how satisfied Sabé was with herself.

"You and mom might actually be the same person, giving me the same speech, though not exactly like you just did," she laughed. "Maybe you're right? I don't know… Putting that aside, what's your personal life like, ma'am? Any special someone? Maybe I need a flight to NYC to escape said Skywalker…"

"I don't think you'll ever escape him now. Enough heat on you for one phone call, though?" Sabé added with another quick chuckle, "But I do have some news. Maybe. I've only seen her a couple times so far but…" there was a pause, followed by a gulp, "There may be something there?"

"Oh? Do tell! Maybe I need my own wine now…" Padmé teased.

Listening to Sabé gush about the first person in a long time brought her full circle back to wondering… Just what did she want out of the rest of her life? Her friend was right. There wasn't much more beyond the presidency to go for, outside of the humanitarian work she wanted to do anyway. She did her work for her but also for her supporters, even for those who didn't support her, so what else could she do for herself? Give herself the grace to not have the answers like her mother begged? Maybe her summer was the perfect time to reflect on who she was and how that measured up to who she wanted to be.