Ch. 9

It was a far cry from the truth to call anything about Breakheart her 'favorite.' Especially a hiking trail since they were absolutely her least favorite outdoor activity, especially on any terrain Anakin deemed a good choice. Undoubtedly, they would be woodsy, and would involve her failed attempts at keeping up with his long strides. And her concentration on not falling into any poisonous plants off the beaten path. Boring as running on the treadmill was, she didn't have to concern herself with counting the leaves on climbing vines, swat relentless insects from around her face, or deal with anyone laughing at her as she hopped over a tree limb or scooted over a large rock. But too late for any of that now.

Why did she have to go marching over with a half-baked plan and make a demand to come along? Padmé wondered if he actually had been planning to take the trip prior to her interrupting him or if it was an attempt at revenge through annoyance. Luckily, or maybe not, she barely had time to think about what she'd gotten herself into by the time they'd finally came around the bend to the parking lot since the whole 40-minute ride she'd barely caught her breath. She'd held on to Anakin so tightly her hands actually hurt when she had the time to relax and flex her fingers. He never was the careful driver she really wanted him to be, but after being told she drove like a grandma, by him years ago and everyone since, maybe she wasn't the authority on it. As he brought the motorcycle to a halt, parking it, an additional worry sprung into her mind now that she wasn't fearful for her life. People might see her. With him. And even if no one recognized him, all they needed was to recognize her and it would be tomorrow's front page news. Internally, she groaned at her own stupid decision making. Externally, he knocked on the side of her helmet, breaking her thought process before she could dwell further.

"What's goin' on in there?" He said, locking his helmet on the back of the bike and slinging the backpack over his shoulder. "You get motion sick or something?"

She began to shake her head 'no,' but stopped herself to take the helmet off first. "Not that, though I have some criticisms of the way you take sharp curves…"

"Of course you do," he huffed. He took her helmet, locking it beside his and offered his hand to help her climb off. "But if that's not it, what's with the weird look on your face for?"

Her eyebrows knitted together. "I do not have a weird look on my face."

"You do now especially. It's your face of contemplation and uncertainty—" He grinned. "And annoyance."

"Shut up, Anakin." She smacked his hand away, throwing her leg over the bike on her own as she moved away from him, crossing her arms. "What are you, an expert on facial expressions now?"

The corners of his mouth turned up slightly. "Yours? Sure. You could say that. I've only seen your angry face a million times, at least. It's permanently etched onto my brain. Whenever the robot overlords take over and they upload my brain to a hard drive, even the bot will remember your angry face."

The robot overlords. She never could take him seriously. "My angry face? What angry face?" He laughed, to the extent she would say was uncalled for, wrapping an arm around his stomach. Tears practically fell from his eyes while she stood there, staring at him. "What's so funny about what I said?"

"Ahh, nothing. I'm just not sure what's worse. That you think you don't have an angry face, or that you think that fact isn't funny. Your eyebrows pull together so tight they're practically one and you get this little wrinkle over your nose. Then you grit your teeth, adding a brief twitch of your jaw… Sound familiar?" He glanced at her, Padmé taking extra care to not let her expression reflect any of what he'd said. "Now let's get a move on, unless you have any actual objections."

He took off in front of her toward a cleared dirt path leading uphill through the forestry. "I do not have an angry face…" she grumbled, stomping off after him.

The one benefit of the loop he chose was that it had less foot-traffic on it than the main trail that led around the lake and beach area. If she had a choice, whenever she came out here, she preferred the upper pond, but no way would she relent that point to him. Especially not as she watched him casually strolling along, the rocks crunching under his feet while her legs were on fire, trying to match his pace. At least she didn't see anyone around to see her disheveled and out of breath, dressed in what had to be the least appropriate hiking attire for moving through actual trees between the amount of exposed skin she had or the beaten Converse tennis shoes she wore. Out of habit, and a terrible one to have with the number of birds, small animals, and deer moving around in the grass and leaves, she jumped at every little rustling noise and other sound. Anakin stopped ahead of her, holding a lower piece of brush up and out of the way. He tilted his head to the side with an eyebrow raised.

"What are you doing back there? Is there a killer squirrel on your trail or something? You look so paranoid."

"Well, if you weren't a giant stomping through the woods and forgetting I have short legs, I wouldn't be so far behind," she said, panting. "And it's a habit, watching for moving bushes…"

"Moving bu— Oh, cameras. Watching for cameras."

"Exactly," she said, ducking under his arm before he let the branches snap back. She jerked her attention at the sound of the leaves before his hand came to the center of her back, pushing her forward.

"Unless someone taught Bambi how to use a Nikon, you can relax. No one's taking your picture. No one's even around. And… Look at you right now."

"You and these vague statements. What does that mean this time?" she scoffed. "Besides, you have no idea the extent some people will go to."

"I'm saying no one's looking for their prized senator dressed in short shorts with her hair down in the middle of a preservation a half hour from Boston and who knows how far from DC. Do you always go around thinking about that?"

"First." She stopped, turning to point at him. "This is a romper. And second, yes. I do. All of that and more. Not sure how much attention you pay, but my head is always on the chopping block."

"Not when you're with me, it's not." He grabbed her finger, wrapping his hand around hers and tugging on her wrist as he continued on.

She was a little taken aback at his words, not having a lot of time to process when she was being pulled along. "What, are you gonna kick some reporter's ass or something?" Padmé said with a hesitant laugh.

"Try me," he said.

No, she thought. No, I don't think I will.

"Take it easy, Anakin. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up."

He grumbled, his hold tightening as he pulled her closer. "I don't understand how people live with themselves. Making others nervous to leave their homes, it's disrespectful. It's disgusting and—"

"It's politics. That's pretty much how it is anymore. Disgusting and disrespectful." And getting more and more out of control every day.

It was a circus and she no longer knew how they'd gotten there. The people had lost their way right alongside their elected officials, some of whom she used to respect. Now they'd fallen deep into talks of obvious violations to the Constitutions, questioning the pillars of democracy, while claiming to love it more than life itself with a commitment to honor all it stood for. It made her sick to see how many bought into the idea. Of how far people will go to gain and protect power. Despicable as she found him now, there was a time she and Palpatine were cordial, sometimes even overtly friendly. She had a deep-rooted respect for the work he'd done in his state even if she didn't always agree politically, and now it only pained her to remember the days.

Anakin didn't respond to her last note, but she casually slipped her hand into his and there was no hesitation on his part to accept her gesture. She was about to call for a break to catch her breath when they stepped out of the trees and onto the peak of the trail. All the words caught in her throat at the breathtaking view over the tops of the trees, stretching for miles in every direction with the Boston skyline like an oasis on the horizon.

"Wow," she said, her voice coming out as a soft sigh. It didn't matter how many times a person climbed to the top of a hill, a canyon, a mountain, and looked out at the rest of the world below, it always seemed magical. She felt Anakin's arm slip around her back, his hand resting on her arm. Like an involuntary reaction, she laid her head against him with a hum.

"It's something, huh? To be so close and so far away from the honking horns and sirens and noise. God, there's so much noise when you're in the city," he said.

"Most of the time, I think I tune it out now. You should hear how bad it can be in DC. Being out here, it feels like the lack of noise heightened my senses."

"It's better that way." He let go of her, stepping out onto the rock closer to the edge. She almost grabbed the back of his shirt but stopped herself as he took a deep breath, lifting his arms as he did and stretching them far above his head. "People should spend more time outdoors. A little sensory reset goes a long way. To get some actual fresh air, get away from the people, the negativity, and their judgments…"

He stood with his hands behind his back, a widened stance with his feet slightly further than shoulder-width apart. She didn't think she'd ever seen someone seem both at peace and troubled at the same time. Apparently, he was coming here, with or without her, taking in his moment of solitude. With that realization, she felt like an intruder, listening to his reflections and reasons for what had to be meditation for him. Padmé backed away slowly, her eyes watching him before turning toward the edge of the brush.

"Where are you going?"

"I… Felt like I might be intruding is all. You seem to be in the zone or something," she said.

"Well, you demanded I bring you with me, so we're past an intrusion. Now, come back." He reached out with one of his hands.

Setting her reservations aside and trying to stay present in the moment, she took his hand. To let herself 'live a little' like she'd been told. Climbing up on the rocky surface beside him, she looked up before slowly twining her fingers with his. "I'm sorry I was so demanding. I shouldn't have done that. And I'm sorry about—"

"Padmé, be quiet. Just stand here with me and breathe."

Anakin slipped his boots off, shifting to the edge of the pond before dipping his feet in the water. He kicked at it softly, making small ripples on the surface. He leaned back on his hands, steadied on the ground behind him and tilted his head toward her. "What made you change your mind today?"

Padmé lifted her hair from over her shoulders, twisting it and holding it up as she leaned over to pour cool water on the back of her neck. "Change my mind about what?"

"Don't know, just seems like you're all over the place in the last couple days. I mean, I guess I am too with last night and all but you invited me to stay, then kicked me out this morning. Not that I blame you or anything, it's just… Well, actually that's probably the most 'you' thing you did. But this—" He wagged a finger between the two of them. "—is the least 'you' thing I expected to happen."

"Want you to know that only vaguely made sense between the rambling, Anakin. But I'm glad me kicking you out was the thing you think is so 'on brand' for me, not the caring for you, bringing you breakfast, or anything that's happened since you got me on your stupid motorcycle." She plopped down on a rock, crossing her arms against her chest.

He rolled his eyes, looking up through the leaves. "Not what I meant, but guess you haven't changed your mind as much as I thought."

"Sorry, I didn't mean for that to come out as harsh as it did," she said, crossing her ankles.

He looked back at her, brow furrowed. "You're full of apologies today. You coming down with something?"

She picked up a few small pebbles by her foot and threw them at him, every single one missing entirely. "This is why I can't be nice to you."

"Because you have no aim?" He said, biting his lip to stifle a laugh.

"Ha. Ha. No. Because you never take me seriously."

"Okay, now I'm offended. I take you seriously, all the time." He kicked the water as he swung his legs around to face her.

"But why?"

"Why what?"

"Why… any of this?"

He groaned, balling up his fist and pressing it to his forehead. "Do you ever just enjoy the moment, senator?"

"Usually with people who aren't calling me senator when they know I don't like it," Padmé said, swinging her own legs to turn away from him.

"But you are. A senator. And a rather impressive one, or so I heard. Something like the 'best fresh face DC has seen in recent decades,' was it?"

She stopped, her interest peaked by the last of his statement. That was what the papers had written about her… two or three years ago? It was something they started saying once she threw herself into work after the Clovis incident. How did he… She quickly turned back, his head ducked with eyes set on her. "Mr. Skywalker, have you been keeping tabs on me?" For once, it was her turn to smile devilishly as he blushed and averted his gaze.

"Hah, right. No," He stuttered, causing her smile to falter. "I mean, yes. Just not… Okay, yes, Padmé. I kept tabs on you. But it was hard not to. Do you know how many TV, radio, or podcast hours you've put in, aside from countless news articles written about you and by you, in the past—"

"Decade," she finished.

"Right."

"Well, I guess I have some idea since I was there for most of the engagements."

He threw his head back with a scoff, "You're ridiculous."

She waved him off. "Doesn't matter how many conferences I do or speeches I give, it doesn't mean people listen so I damn sure don't assume anyone not on my payroll is following them. Most people don't. So, why would you?"

"You're making me regret I even opened my mouth."

"Well, that's endearing. Add it to the list." She drew two check marks in the air in front of her. "Padmé, she'll kick you out of the house, and make you wish you'd just shut up in the first place."

"Why is it so hard for you to believe you say things worth paying attention to? Isn't that your entire job?"

"I know people pay attention, too much sometimes. But I'm talking about you. I don't know why you would care, I guess. There were so many more important things for you to worry about, you were rising through the ranks, leading dangerous missions overseas, risking your life. What I do is nothing compared to any of—"

He shook his head. "You've been in DC too damn long, surrounded by all those stupid, useless politicians." He looked her up and down before taking a long drink from his water bottle. "But you're right, I had my career, which is exactly why I could follow the news about you. Sometimes we were holed up somewhere with not a lot to do, but there was almost always access to American news. And you were filling the airways more often than not." He shrugged one shoulder and went back to looking off across the pond. She couldn't come up with anything that seemed like an appropriate response to the picture he was painting.

They both sat there in silence, listening to the breeze. She heard the water splashing. He casually moved closer until he was next to the rock she'd perched herself on. They both shifted toward one another, letting out a sigh.

She was the first to break the quiet. "What do you mean I spend too much time around politicians?"

"You just can't stop yourself from looking for the catch. In everything, and everyone. Sometimes there just isn't one, and the truth is just the truth. Sometimes people are exactly who they say they are, and—" He lifted himself from the ground to sit next to her. She immediately scooted over to make room for him, her eyes scanning his face. "And sometimes things are exactly as they seem."

"Yeah?" She breathed. "And what is it supposed to seem like?"

He tilted his head slightly, leaning closer. "You tell me."

She watched his eyes, noticing as they flicked down to her lips and back again. It felt like all the air in the universe was being taken away from her lungs the closer his face came to hers. "No, wait," she said frantically, breaking free of what felt like a spell he'd put her under. She reached out, grabbing hold of his shoulders.

He froze, straightening his posture and moving away as she did the same. "Sorry," he apologized. "I don't know what I was thinking. I just—"

She shook her head. "Not yet, it's not… right." She started to stand up, his hand immediately coming to her leg to stop her. Looking down and then back at him, he withdrew his hand slowly, fingertips dragging across her skin. She ignored the pleasant sensation running down her spine, straightening her romper and readjusting herself to comply with his silent request for now. "We have too much baggage, Ani. Time doesn't magically make things better, last night is proof of it. We—"

"Padmé. Answer something for me." He grabbed her chin, tilting her face toward him. "Why did you come today?"

"I… wanted to spend time with you," she said quietly, laying her hand on his arm. "That's all. I heard you leaving, and I reacted to it without much other thought."

The features of his face softened, to her relief. She was only trying to be honest with him; it was absolutely not the right time to do what they'd almost done. It only reminded her of her words from earlier about what a fantasy world it would be to just kiss and make up.

He dropped his hand, palm down, glancing up at her afterwards. "Then we should just spend time together, and forget... Forget the rest of it."

She nodded, scooting over further so she could lay her hand next to his. Inching closer, his pinky finger awkwardly looped over hers. She snorted softly at the lack of subtlety before she laid her left hand over his right, resting her fingers between his. She occasionally heard a bike or other people coming down the trail behind them, but she never once felt an urge to turn to look. Padmé only wanted to soak in the moment, the quiet, with him. For one brief, fleeting moment in time, it almost seemed as simple as everyone always said it could be.

She let herself walk hand in hand with him back to where they'd parked as the sun began to set, coloring everything in a golden hue. They had spoken little since their mutual decision to just spend the time together, and it didn't feel like there was much to say. Not much to put in words or verbalize. Padmé thought part of their problem had been that too many words were spoken already. Without words, she only focused on the surrounding forest, and the warmth of his touch whenever he readjusted his hold on her hand, brushed against her, or lingered near her back. He unlocked her helmet first, doing the same as he had hours ago, making sure it was as snug and secure as it could be, and this time she took his offered hand to climb back on the bike.

Their ride back was far better than the trip going, but it seemed irrational to believe he changed anything about his driving. But when he pulled in the driveway, she didn't feel as beat up by the wind, her knuckles hadn't gone white from her grip. It was possible she had a little more faith in him, and a lot less nervousness weighing on her. Either way, when he turned the engine off and climbed off, it almost felt like the ride wasn't long enough.

"Anakin?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks," she said.

He chuckled. "Thanks for what? I haven't done anything except make sure you won't crack your head open."

She reached over and shoved him. "Not that. For the whole… just spending time together thing. You didn't have to do that, I ruined your hike."

"You always overcomplicate things," he said with another laugh. "You didn't ruin anything. I enjoy being around you, but all you've been doing is spitting venom at me every time I get close. Today, you gave me an opening. And if it's gone tomorrow… Well, I wanted to make sure I took advantage of it while it lasted."

"I still just don't… understand how you want to be in the same room as me, and I'm not trying to rehash last night, or argue about it. I'm just telling you how I feel."

He sighed, taking the discarded helmet from her to put back in the garage. "You're impossible, Padmé," he said, his voice echoing in the open space. "We have a good day together, and we get back here and now we're right back where we started."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yeah, well, I'm sure you don't. Let me see if I can break it down for you." He walked back down the driveway, running a hand through his hair. "Ten years ago, you tried to help me and I ignored you. Blatantly. Repeatedly. Then, I did the exact thing with my career I accused you of doing, selfishly putting it before everything I had. And you refused to take any more of my shit. And now, we're here, and my first crush, the only woman I've truly loved, is staring at me saying she can't understand why I'm not mad at her." He opened his arms, shrugging and shaking his head. "I missed you every day, for I don't even know how long. Like you were saying? Time might not make it all better, but it makes it easier."

"I wanted to talk to you so many times in those first few years." Padmé said, looking away from him at the ground.

"You would've been disappointed. Probably regretted it, if you had. I wasn't… Doing very well. Back then."

She took a deep breath. It felt like there were so many expectations packed into his statements. His first crush, the only woman he loved, taking on the blame again like it wasn't central to their argument before. But he was so… Different. He had grown, and he didn't have to say it out loud because it was obvious. The old him wouldn't have been capable of sitting in the silence, of meditating, or even giving his speech about the wonders of nature he'd tried to entertain her with on their journey. And beyond it, he would've never admitted his flaws so openly.

"And now?" She looked to him, a hopeful expression creeping onto her face.

He smiled, reaching out and brushing the back of his hand against her cheek. "And now, I do the best that I can. Look, I don't know what you're wanting from me, but if you feel at all like I do…"

"It's not—" She took his hand. "I don't know what I can give you. Or anyone, for that matter. And that's not fair. I can't tell you what I want from you, I won't do that regardless how I may feel."

He took advantage of her offered hand to pull her close to him. "But you feel something. This wasn't a onetime open door you're going to slam in my face?"

She swallowed hard, searching her mind to find her words, to find her voice. "I'm willing to… try not to. If you want to, knowing what I just told you. That's all I can do, that's all I have to give. But we have to start from zero, or close to it," she said, untangling herself from his embrace. "We can't ignore our issues, any of them, including all the parts we were screaming about in the middle of the night. But I'd be willing to start over, if you are."

His face lit up, his eyes wide and bright as he let out a breath of air. "If you hadn't said what you just did about starting over, I don't know if I'd be able to resist kissing you right now…"

She blushed, covering her mouth to hide her grin. "Well, it's inappropriate to kiss a metaphorical stranger."

"Okay, we aren't starting that close to zero," he said with a laugh. "How about… I don't know. How about friends?"

"Friends?" She raised an eyebrow, shifting her weight from one leg to the other, setting a hand on her hip. "Have we ever been just friends? Not counting when we were kids?"

"I don't know if I even can just be friends with you, but hey, if I'm giving this a fair shot…"

"Fine. Friends is as good a place as any."

"Y'know what friends do?"

"If you say kiss I'm leaving right now," she said.

He came closer to her, as she started backing away, the grin on her face getting wider as his did the same before he grabbed her. She yelped as he whisked her off her feet in a tight embrace, before relenting and setting her back on her feet.

"Hug. I was going to say friends hug."

She playfully rolled her eyes and pushed him away. "Not like that they don't," she said. "I should get going, Jobal probably made some delicious meal that I missed out on."

"You're right, and Artoo is probably inside eating my shoes or something."

They stood there a moment longer, just waiting for the other to move away. She wrapped her arms around him again, giving him a quick squeeze before she let go and ran off across the street. She kicked her shoes off just inside the door, the smell of Italian beef wafting her way as her stomach reminded her she hadn't eaten at all today. "Mom, I'm back! Sorry. Ani took us up to Breakheart."

"Really? And you still went with him?" Jobal shouted from the kitchen. "Dinner's on the table, so you're right on time."

"Yes, I still went," she said. "But perfect, I'm starved."

Friends, she thought. Even as she settled in at the table, pouring her parents and herself generous glasses of wine, thoughts of her neighbor occupied her mind. His words on a loop, between everything he shouted at her, talking about his first crush, the only woman he'd ever loved. And now they were going to be friends. She wondered how long this would last.