authorsnotes: it is 3am, I have work at 8:30am, and I'm still awake finishing this off! don't say I'm not dedicated!
anywho, here we goooo. so hype for this story, so excited to bring it to you and loving the response! do follow, lemme know your thoughts pls, and most importantly enjoy!
little disclaimer: this fic is dark, hella dark, angst city with some sprinklings of fluff but not much, you have been warned...
songrecs: after hours - the weeknd (the song not the album, but check out the album, my AOTY 2020!)
Darkness. It was all she knew.
Oblivion, the black, the void, darkness, what was it? Were they the same? Oblivion had called and she had fallen, she knew Malfoy had come with her – how she knew that she didn't know, darkness was all.
Her mind swam, she was aware of where she was, she'd heard the words 'It is done', she'd fallen, and now she was here. If she were more aware, she'd be annoyed, struggling against the darkness, but no, there was no fight, no end in sight.
Just darkness.
And then something tickled across her mind.
'It is done'
A voice had said that, and it said it again, like an intimate little tickle on her brain, like a feather being ran across her arm, the touch of skin against hers. She was no experience to that, a virgin, innocent, some would say, but she felt it, like someone drifting fingertips over her skin.
'It is done'
What was done? She couldn't think here, not properly, not with coherent thought. She couldn't figure things out, analyse them as she would when awake. Awake? Was she asleep? She didn't think so, sleep held dreams, and peace, here it was just dark.
'If you look long enough into the void, the void begins to look back at you'
What had pulled her here? She didn't know, but she heard another whisper, 'He does' Who? Malfoy? Always number two in class, nipping at her heels, perhaps more skilled in some areas, but not with her determination. What did he know that she didn't? If she were awake she'd be annoyed.
What was happening to her?
The void offered no answers.
Had she expected it to? She'd hoped for it, an answer to this. It flashed across her mind then, what had happened. Malfoy, beautiful somehow, glowing bright, gold, silver, harsh light on her eyes. Malfoy, somehow pleading with her, 'Don't, so handsome, but different. He had looked so different, tried, worn, but somehow strong and firm. How could someone look so utterly exhausted and yet radiate the strength he had?
He was a conundrum, something different. The Malfoy she'd known before had been arrogant, awful, she'd have been a masochist to consider him beautiful.
But this Malfoy? Was he different? Different in himself or a different person all together? It had felt different, as she'd reached out to touch his cheek, as his skin had touched hers, as he'd glowed, as he'd caught her.
Your bully wouldn't catch you … She thought, he wouldn't, so why did he?
Unless he wasn't him anymore?
Who was he?
'The same' The voice tickled again, 'And different' A riddle, she hated riddles, she heard a chuckle then, dark, unkind, across her mind. The tickling had felt almost good, soft, and gentle, the laughter was harsh, almost mean.
'You'll see' It said, and then, the darkness went, almost all at once, the void … gone, had it looked back? She didn't know, but as it went, almost in a flash, she found she had looked into it, and perhaps it had.
A groan of resignation, of acceptance, of knowing.
He'd been told about this, 'It'll glow like hell' His maker had so ineloquently put, not that he'd listened much, rolled his eyes as old Greyback (now much friendlier to his own kind, i.e. him), prattled on about mating, legends and more.
He had been at peak of self-loathing then (though it had never really gone down), so he hadn't really listened, hadn't wanted to.
As he had caught Granger, her fingers still on his cheeks, the light blinding just as Greyback said it would, he'd wished he had.
'It is done'
He'd been here before, the darkness, the void, it was no stranger to him now, though he could sense Granger nearby and he felt an urge, a horrible urge that made anxiety race up his spine, made the feeling of nauseous come to him, when he knew what it meant…
Protect her.
That could only mean one thing. The light, her touch, his catch, and now that urge, it could only mean one horrible thing, and it mean they were fucked, both of them, utterly and truly fucked. It was a legend, so fucking rare, but of course, he'd been cursed twice now. Just his fucking luck.
'Malfoys are special, better, we make our own luck, we make our own future. You're lucky to be a Malfoy, perfect and of pure blood, better'
Again, he noted such childhood affirmations had turned out to be complete bullshit.
The void had less hold of him now, less of a deathgrip of wiping his mind. Now he fought back, but this time it was different, knowing Granger was near.
He despised her, such a know-it-all, smug and narrow minded, a Mudblood – though that hardly mattered anymore, half-breeds together he supposed, was he or her worse now? Her blood was born dirty, his tainted now, it hardly mattered, but perhaps he was worse.
Her blood was just murky, his now poisoned.
Protect her.
He didn't want to, didn't want to be near her, but he knew now, based off what he could remember from Greyback, but more from what he could feel. Ruled by instinct, a predator, a fucking animal, ruled by the instinct, and the instinct now was screaming at him.
It was simpler sure, easier, but god it was overwhelming, and he knew what that meant.
Protect her.
Of course, he would, he had no choice now. Just as he couldn't rip the curse from his skin, now this he'd be unable to avoid as well.
Nexus, the wolves called it.
Fucked, was what he named it.
And as he awoke, with no gasp now, not anymore, the void just dissipated, less dramatic than before. As he awoke and found Granger still in its grips, he felt that urge again, the horrible, overwhelming urge. He righted her in her seat, placed her wand next to her (and shuddered at how it felt in his hand, it shouldn't feel like that), and then sat opposite, rolled down his sleeves (they had enough to deal with without that), he just waited.
She'd wake, and he'd protect her. He had no fucking choice now, or ever, not anymore.
When she awoke she wasn't sure what she expected to come. Malfoy screaming at her? Malfoy gone? Her back at home in bed, her parents calling for her, this all one dark, awful dream?
She felt so murky as she came to. Her vision swam, the bright light that had almost seen her pulled under seemed to persist, and she felt odd, like there was a change; something she didn't know properly, something different and new and strange.
She hated that.
She had always prided herself on her ability to know things. When she had struggled to make friends at primary school, 'She doesn't have much tact' The teacher whispered conspiratorially to her Mother (who then ripped said teacher a new one), it hadn't mattered because she'd always come top of the class. When Ron had rolled his eyes or Pansy Parkinson had mocked her, it didn't matter as she knew she was the best in the year. None of it mattered when she was the best. 'Know it all' they sneered, not realising to her that was a compliment.
She liked knowing it all, she liked being in the loop, aware and clear of what was going on. She hated not understanding something, not 'getting it'. She remembered knocking over the crystal ball and storming out - yes, she didn't react well to being told she was wrong. She never had, probably never would.
And she felt that now. This odd sense that something was different - seriously different, and she didn't know what. She didn't understand, and she already felt the annoyance bubbling under her skin, at not knowing.
With that she felt little choice. Oblivion had called her under but now curiosity awoke her. As awful as her head felt, and how simply strange things felt it didn't matter. She forced her eyes open, her eyelashes fluttering; once, twice, before she was awake, eyes open, the bright light gone, in fact it was much darker now.
She recognised she was still on the train, in a compartment, that was darker now. She was on one of the seats, a window seat and she turned her head and saw the train was still moving, though the rain lashing at the window hard made it difficult to see, but she could - they hadn't arrived at Hogwarts yet. She was in her robes, her prefect badge a little askew, her head hurt, and she felt confused.
All those things she knew, but as she turned her head and saw Malfoy, still here, sat opposite her. He didn't glow now, but he looked different, very different; she didn't know then what he'd experienced when she'd fallen - he must have lifted her into her seat which confused her, and again she felt that spike of annoyance at being confused. What had he felt? Could he sense this odd change she couldn't quite put her finger on? Was the change him?
And then she remembered.
'Werewolf' ...
She didn't mean to react to her own memory, she'd been silent whilst trying to figure out what had happened since darkness had called. She'd sat up, looked at Malfoy (who as often betrayed nothing), and then she remembered...
'Werewolf' ...
And she must have reacted. Her eyes widened, the tiniest of gasps left her lips. Malfoy, a werewolf. Malfoy, a werewolf. Who could blame her shock?
Well Malfoy could. His expression went from something indecipherable to a nasty glare - but not a sneer or the horrible smirk she was used to, no, no, this was a glare of pure fury, pure anger, something he'd gathered. She remembered even when Malfoy had been angry before, 'Filthy little mudblood' He'd called her, he'd still sneered, still looked down at her, now he just looked furious.
"Don't you dare" Was the first thing he said - and he even sounded different, gravelly, "Don't you dare pity me" His tone was all hostility, fury, anger. It was a little scary in truth, but she was glued to her seat, eyes wide - had she shown pity? She hadn't meant to.
"I don't pity you Malfoy" She doesn't, can't. Pity and Malfoy don't go together, not in her world, or any other she knows. "You don't deserve it" Maybe that's mean but true, and she's always had a spiteful streak, maybe the one thing in common she has with him, they can both be cruel.
'Mudblood' He sneered, 'SNEAK' She charmed onto the parchment. Yes, both could be cruel.
"Good" He responds with a furious nod. He looks almost vibrating with anger, fury, she glances at the door, could she run if tried to hurt her? Where's her wand? She sees it then, next to her and reaches for it, the wood comforts her as she grips it, but feels a little strange. That could be enough to panic her, her biggest insecurity, that the world of magic feels alien to her.
"I won't hurt you" He doesn't even look at her when he says it, and she resists the urge to scoff, her panic at the odd feeling of her wand dissipating a bit under a roll of her eyes at Malfoys words. He seems to deflate in his anger a bit then, still furious of course but looking less like he might smash the window now.
"I can't" He offers then, his tone savage, perhaps he knows she doesn't trust him, doesn't believe him, how could she? But that stops her scoff in its tracks, he sounds pained as he speaks, savage and pained.
Who had hurt Malfoy so much? And more importantly, why does she care to find that out?
The most interaction the two of them have had is him bullying her, and her punching him. They hate each other, him from a place of racism, bullying and bigotry, hers from a place of him being her bully, looking down on her. They've never had a positive interaction, not one, he's horrible, praying on her biggest insecurity, making her feel as though she doesn't and shouldn't belong, 'Mudblood' And in return she hates him. She doesn't trust him and knows he doesn't trust her.
So what had happened between them?
"Can't?" She asks, for that sounds different than 'won't'
"You don't know what just happened Granger" He sits, hands twined together, head down, she notices how tense he is, how wiry his muscles are now, he looks stronger, but ready to snap. Again she glances at the door and holds her wand, it may feel a little odd, but it's still her comfort, her weapon.
He looks less furious now, more just completely and utterly tense, like very muscle in his body is squeezed, his shoulders up, his entire being on high alert, every inch of him on edge.
"And you do?" She asks, for how could anyone explain that? The light, the fainting? She wants to put it down to a trick, exhaustion or something, but she lives in the world of magic where nothing is coincidence or chance, and as Malfoy looks up at her she shivers.
He looks angry yes, but there's this odd hint of vulnerability in his gaze, and that is far more terrifying than the rage, as he looks at her, all tense and fury and anger it is that little smidge of vulnerability that gets her, he looks exhausted, and strong, handsome and completely wrung out. He is the boy who bullied her for years, and something different entirely.
Werewolf...
What did happen?
It's when he smiles it frightens her, a wry resigned smile that makes her eyes widen in horror. She's seen Malfoy sneer, seen him smirk, seen him have an ugly, nasty grin on his face, but she's never seen him smile. This isn't kind or sweet, it's still nasty, but it's resigned and grim, and it almost feels designed to settle her, reassure her, though it does anything but.
"Yes I know what happened" He nods, shakes his head and stands then, is he taller? He seems taller? He stands, and then he holds his hand out to her, and she could have fainted in shock from that. She doesn't take it, just watches him, eyes dart to the door, could she escape? She's not sure why Malfoy is holding his hand out to her, but she doesn't like it, doesn't want to take it.
"I said I won't hurt you" He rolls his eyes and that reminds her more of the Malfoy she remembers. The mean bully. Does she prefer the bully to the werewolf? The bully certainly scares her less, how strange.
"Won't or can't?" She throws back, and then he smirks, but it loses its nasty edge, it's almost nice, and she wonders then if she hit her head - she must have to think Malfoy looks nice.
"Both" He offers her and her eyes widen. Can't and won't are very different things, different meanings, and now he claims them both.
What has happened to him?
What has happened to them?
His hand is still out to her, 'take it' something whispers, tickles her mind, like the feather, like the touch. Malfoy just stands still, hand out, 'take it' she doesn't want to, shouldn't touch him, she doesn't want oblivion to grab her again.
"It won't" He says, and she jolts. Can he read her mind? Legilimens? Surely not, not this young, not when it requires such proficiency and mental agility. Surely not? Surely he can't read her mind now?
"I can" Again she jumps, she must look foolish, and she feels a crack of shock that he must be inside of her head, she's a little ashamed she feels equal horror and envy "But I'm not"
"Stop it" She growls, she doesn't want him or anyone else inside of her head, it is hers alone, and he laughs then, but there's no humour to it, none at all.
"Just take my hand Granger" Is all he says, no explanation, no reasoning, just an order. One she can't follow. Or won't.
Can't or won't?
"I don't trust you" He scoffs then. He still seems tense, but more controlled, though she can see the tension in his shoulders, alert. He's still furious, but something else overrides it. What else can override such anger? She supposes she might find out.
"I know" He nods, "But you don't have a choice if you want to know what happened"
She glares at him then, damn him. Of course, she wants to know, no, needs to. Not just to sate her insufferable know-it-all mind but for more than that now. Much, much more.
She had found Malfoy in a train compartment, touched him and they'd both glowed and passed out. Magic is at play here, possibly dangerous magic, and her distrust of Malfoy pales in comparison to what all of this could mean. And that's just breaking it down to the most basic explanation, what about when she'd touched his face? Felt her mind forcing her to do something she wouldn't? Prompting her but still alive? What about the cycling of gold, silver, maybe both? What about Malfoy's resigned groan? His horror? Her curiosity? It all pales in comparison to what it could mean, especially as Malfoy stands opposite her now, a werewolf, a predator, hand out.
She has to know.
And so she stands, the rain still lashing hard against the window, the dark of night approaching, she stands, her hand slips into his, and she feels an odd shiver that forces a gasp from her lips as their skin touch, she didn't mean to but it just came, the odd connection as they'd touched. Malfoy grimaces in response and she glares at him - he thinks her bloods dirty, she imagines he thinks the same of her skin.
"I knew it" He growls then, more angry now and she realises she might have read it wrong. He doesn't grimace to touch her, but to what it might mean. And what does that mean?! All she knows is her hand seems to have an odd tingle to it now, and Malfoy seems angry again, his grey eyes alight with fury now, and again she darts her gaze to the door - should she have taken his hand?
"Knew what?" Insufferable know-it-all she can't be out of the loop. On this rare occasion she wishes she were dumber; it would certainly be easier to be stupid sometimes.
"You'll know soon enough" Is all he gives, and he grimaces again before interlocking his fingers with her, again she feels something tickle up her spine and feels an odd sense of foreboding. Something is seriously wrong here, and Malfoy knows what it is. So will she soon, should she want to?
Something here is wrong, really wrong, 'It is done' Tickles in her mind again.
"Soon enough?" She asks - wrong question is all she thinks as Malfoy smirks again, though again it's devoid of any kind of humour, wry and resigned, and he takes a step closer to her, hands still interlocked.
"Yes" He shrugs, and then her eyes widen in horror as he closes his eyes, and she just manages a squeal as she feels that sucking sensation, like being pulled through a horribly skinny tube, and then with a crack of apparition, their gone.
sooo thoughts?
shit is getting weird!
I do hope you enjoyed, this story will have lots o' twists, lots o' death and some interesting pairings! I think you can guess the main one! I'm now working out the others! any guesses or preferences?
do lemme know your thoughts, and do follow for updates! I'll be back soon - I promise!
speak soon