authorsnotes: heeeeeeeeeeey
oh I so enjoyed writing this chapter! I just finished binging season 3 of you (highly recommend!), and felt like writing one of our most toxic couples! so here we go, slightly shorter, but damn this chapter made me go 'oooof' so hopefully you enjoy
do lemme know if you did, follow for updates, and most importantly enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it
songrecs: the scientist - coldplay
She wasn't sure how she found him, but it was easier than it should have been. She didn't know him well enough to find him in under five minutes, but she did, it's not hard to know what to blame … or thank.
She found him outside, down by the lake, and as she spied him, the gold glow easily picking him out (though his hair does the same), she followed without hesitation, she didn't need any words in her head to hurry out of the main doors, down the path and stairs, trembling still a little, the cold bite of autumn through her jumper (well Harry's jumper), ignored.
Didn't need any, but they were there. 'Follow' It had said, and she had followed.
It's only mid-morning and so it's bright out, but grey, and thankfully no one follows her as she runs down to the lake, the grounds quiet, deserted, perfect.
Almost like it's planned.
Only it's not, it absolutely is not. In fact, for once she's quite glad she's been putting off processing things fully of recent, as trying to process this? Trying to process what everyone just saw? What Malfoy just did? She can't do that, no, not yet. She'll have to eventually, she knows that, but not now.
How are they supposed to explain this? Judging by Malfoy's pacing, his aggressive turn when she approaches, and the terrifying inch his shoulders relax as he realises it's her … he doesn't know either. He doesn't know why he did it or how they'll deal with it, she can tell.
How can she tell? She shouldn't be able to tell, but she can. The bond of course. She doesn't know whether to hate it or love it. Of course, it's hatred, but it's starting to confuse her.
Love, hate, a fine line, and all that. Confusing.
She doesn't like that, the feeling of being confused, it's not her, it's not Hermione Granger.
But has she been herself? No. Since when. Her parents? She flinches almost, at how little she's thought about them. No. Since when then? She glances up at Malfoy as she comes to a stop just behind him, she knows since when. Since this.
Her stomach cramps again and when Malfoy whirls around she isn't surprised, nor does she try to hide her pain, she knows he can feel it. She feels that flutter of fear again, the same thought as earlier – this isn't sustainable. Though, she has bigger concerns now than their shared pain at distance, right now she needs to calm Malfoy down, she can feel the anger radiating off him and it unnerves her.
Though, when did it become her job to calm him? Now apparently. She isn't sure why she feels the need to, nor why she feels so unnerved at his temper.
She wouldn't bother, she doesn't want to, bond, fuck the bond, she's not his girlfriend, or friend, both ideas make her nauseous. So why is she here? Why does she feel this horrid urge to calm him down? To comfort him?
"Stop thinking" He yanks her out of her very full mind, and normally she'd be annoyed, but for once she's thankful, she had been in overload, few people can get her out of that, though apparently Malfoy can. "It's killing my head"
"You can't hear my thoughts" She snaps back, she can't help herself, she never can with him.
'Don't poke the bear' Apparently, she never learned that lesson.
If he's horrible to her, he's bad for her, and she knows it's the same for her to him. Isn't a bond supposed to be useful? So far, it's only caused pain.
No, her mind whirls again, it's not that simple (when is it ever?), it's causing dependence, that she knows, and it terrifies her. She never would have followed Malfoy, he never would have defended her, they've spent more time together since returning to school than they have in the past six years. This bond is doing what it intends; bringing them together, for what else could it want? What else could it possibly want?!
Perhaps she doesn't want to know. Her mind, her brilliant mind, knows it will want more, there's more to it than that, right now she doesn't know what, and it's not a perhaps, it's a definitely, that she does not want to know.
"You're practically screaming them" He sneers back. "Can't you ever shut your mind up?"
"Why did you do that?" She asks, deciding not to dwell on his insult, it's not the first and she knows it won't be the last, bond or no bond.
"Do what?" He counters, his tone savage, she tries (and fails) not to flinch, but Malfoy continues to pace, if he notices, he doesn't tone down the aggression, he'll be wearing into the grass soon.
"Defend me" She spits out, it sounds ugly on her tongue, she doesn't need to be defended by anyone, least of all Draco Malfoy. "Why?"
"Why do you think Granger?" He sneers again, and she really hates that, always has, but more now, "It's not because I've suddenly decided we're best friends" His tone is horrid, and she feels the cramping in her stomach double, the natural progression of their lack of contact? No, it feels like something else.
"I know…" She begins, but then he's turning again, and he looks furious, cuts her off before she can say another word.
"No, you don't" His tone drops, to a whisper but it's infused with fury, and she takes a step back, that's far scarier on Malfoy than anger, this is cold, and she's not afraid to admit it scares her, "You have no fucking idea"
"Malfoy stop" She says, and she hates herself for how shaky she sounds, but she can't stop it, not as the pain in her stomach spreads to her chest, almost over her heart, not as she begins to shake, tremble, like a leaf. No, this is something else. "Stop"
"You don't' get to tell me what to do" He says, all fury and anger, "I'm not…" He stops then, it's so abrupt it makes her jump.
His hands are on her shoulders, holding her up she realises as she sways, the pain worse, and his demeanour is changed in seconds, it's alarming, or would be if she could focus on it. She suddenly feels dizzy, like she's jumped forward three days without contact, she might faint. Did she faint?
In seconds she's gone from demanding answers to having been on the grass, had Malfoy not caught her, so fast, she didn't even notice, didn't even realise he'd grabbed her before she could hit the deck.
Something else.
"Fuck, Granger" His tone is completely changed too, his sudden change could give her whiplash, if she knew what was happening – she doesn't. His hands are gentle, and she feels something recede, her eyes focus a touch more, but not enough. What is this? She's never felt more scared in her life.
Trolls, Werewolves, Death Eaters, all pale to this, she feels like she's having a heart attack. What is happening?!
Something else. Now it's in her head.
"Granger" His voice is distant, and his touch isn't making it better, why isn't it making it better?! What's happening?!
Something else.
Well, apparently Draco Malfoy is hugging her, is that something else?
Her breath comes back to her in a horrid rush, flooding her chest, almost like bringing her back to life. Her lungs fill with sweet oxygen, her eyes focus again, and she knows she's against a hard male chest, that smells of apples and cinnamon, that is wearing a green tie and is holding her so tightly she could break.
Instead, it just feels like being alive.
Her nose is against his collarbone, and she doesn't move. Even as his hand rubs down her back, even as she pieces together what just happened: Defence, argument, near death, back to life. Or, Malfoy defending me, fighting with Malfoy, feeling like I might die, Malfoy saving me.
What happened?
"What was that?" She's shaking she knows, and the fact she doesn't step away is a testament to how rattled she is. She realises she's not even by the lake anymore, Malfoy's holding her tightly, and her back is against a pillar, tucked away down the side of the Runes classroom, which they both know is empty. Hidden, and yet she feels safe.
What?!
She remembers almost falling, Malfoy catching her, arm under her knees, holding her up, bridal style, carrying her away from any prying eyes. Focused, unfocused, what happened? Did she faint?
"What happened?" She asks again and her teeth chatter, and then she has a Slytherin scarf around her neck and Malfoy is still crushing her to him, close, too close, and yet she doesn't move, she doesn't dare.
She has no idea why she doesn't step away, nor why she doesn't untuck her head from his chest, nor why alongside those she actually pulls him closer, her arms looping around him, her hands curling into fists with bunches of his jumper in her hands.
It's never been like this, never. They held hands in the library, they fell asleep together, they share horrid insults, anger, and aggression. There's pain yes, pain when they're apart, agony when it's for too long, but not this, not fainting, not clinging to one another, not feeling so scared she's still shaking.
What's happened?
"I don't know" Gone is anger, aggression, he's just holding her close, and his tone is the gentlest she's ever heard it, it's fucking terrifying.
Draco Malfoy isn't gentle, he isn't kind or nice, and the fact he's being that now, the fact he's gently stroking her back, the fact he carried her and is speaking like someone might speak to a wounded bird … that mean's he's scared to, no, he's fucking terrified.
Well, he can join the club.
"The bond?" He nods, and she knows he must have been worried, for he doesn't mock her for stating the obvious, a first, maybe a last.
"Apparently it doesn't like us fighting" She nods and finds for once she agrees with it. She felt like she was dying, and yet had, had no idea it was happening, nor how quickly. She shakes, and his hands rub her back still, calming her.
Fucking terrifying.
"You said you won't hurt me, you said you can't" She notes, and he nods, she feels his chin against her hair, she remembers that conversation…
"I won't hurt you"
"Can't?"
"I said I won't hurt you"
"Won't or can't?"
"Both"
His nod spurs her on, "Is this it? Is this you not being able to hurt me?" She's still whispering, she's not sure why. The wind whips here, next to an empty classroom, no one can hear them, not here. And yet, she still feels safe.
"I don't know" He repeats, "I know I'd carve out my own heart before touching you" He says, "I'd kill anyone who tries as well" She shivers, and yet some horrid part of her feels a touch warmer, that she shoves aside, she has to.
She does not want to analyse why the idea of Draco Malfoy killing anyone who dares to try and hurt her makes her feel warm and fuzzy. Nope, she's not going down that rabbit hole, not yet, maybe not ever.
"We need to learn more about this" She whispers, as she finds herself, her bearings, goes back to being Hermione, that's who she is, and Hermione learns, she researches, she figures stuff out. Hermione doesn't stand in the arms of her enemy, shaking and holding him close.
Though, apparently, she does now. Can she do both?
"Tonight, the library" She whispers, and he shakes his head, and she lifts hers to look at him, he still glows, and she flinches at how close they are, but doesn't move, she can't. Every pain is gone again, not just the rush that had come to her but everything before that, all gone. It's near addictive.
That could be a problem.
She looks up at him, his grey eyes meeting her brown. This isn't right, this isn't them, not even since the bond started, they don't hug, they don't cling to one another, they don't do this. And yet, neither move, both relaxing into the feeling of not hurting, of going from pure terror to something easier. Neither move.
"Now" He says, "Accio the books, we'll go somewhere quiet, figure this out, you're right, we need to"
She goes to shake her head, but she realises going back in, waiting till later would mean facing Harry, facing Ron, and explaining this. She'll have to eventually, but she can't right now, she doesn't even know where to begin.
And so, she nods, she nods, Malfoy waves his wand, and then he's got a stack of books in his arms, she has to unclench her fists and let go (and it hurts), and without a word more, just a nod, she's following him to somewhere quiet.
She's following him, as he takes her through the grounds, she's following him, and when she feels the urge to reach for him, it takes too much to squash it down.
soooo thoughts?
what is this bond? who knows? well ... I do, but you'll have to wait and see!
again this chapter was fun to write, very insular, and more sparks will fly next chapter, this couple ain't gunna have a dull moment, trust me.
I've had a question or two about pov's, and yes draco will appear but hermione is our primary!
anywho, do follow/fav for updates, review (as I love em!), and feel free to check out my other hp fics.
speak soon