authorsnote: been trying to get this chapter right for a week and then I deleted it all and re-wrote it over the past 3hrs so here we go!
do enjoy, do comment/fav/follow etc
songrecs: emails I can't send - sabrina carpenter (the song, not the album, tho the album is banging)
'Trust me now'
She knew that was what she needed to do, must and would do as she took his hand and let him leader deep her into the belly of the beast, i.e., his families house.
His hand in hers comforted her, having her muscles sag a touch, the ache in her bones gone as he led her out of the library, the stiffness in her shoulders rolled away, and that delicious easing that happened every time she and Malfoy touched.
Being around him all night had kept any worsening of feeling in pain or uncomfortable at bay, but touching him? That chased away any and all discomfort and just left way for feeling utterly and sublimely at ease. It was odd, feeling tense at having to dash around to avoid his parents, and yet she felt calm from him his touch, at ease.
Malfoy putting her at ease? Just a month or so ago she'd have scoffed at the idea and called the person suggesting it mad.
But now it was all different, everything was different, her entire life was different, and as she was slowly realising (well quickly realising, just slow to accept), that it would be different, her life could never go back to normal, and that was something she did understand, but couldn't accept.
Not yet maybe not ever.
But for now, she had her hand in Malfoy's and was creeping through the upper echelons of Malfoy manner, her sock clad feet silent against the floor, shoes in hand, bag awkwardly on her shoulder, thick book under her arm (sure the two had been useless but they'd both scooped them up). Malfoy too looked a little dishevelled as he paused at every corner but hurried her through the Manor to his room.
She didn't hesitate as he arrived at the door, only took the plunge, and followed him in.
Antagonistic as her relationship with Malfoy still may be (and may never change), she had absolute belief that he wouldn't hurt her, not just because he didn't want to, but also because he simply couldn't.
Hermione knew she was safe in his presence, probably safer than with anyone else, and though that was odd to acknowledge it did make her feel a touch better as she crossed the threshold into his room.
He wouldn't hurt her, that she knew.
'Trust me now'
It was odd, having her here, in his inner sanctum.
He'd had friends here of course, Blaise and Theo round to chat, and scheme (Crabbe and Goyle were more bodyguards than friends), Pansy over to fool around with whilst his parents were out. But then he'd never really invited anyone in here, people came over, they saw his bedroom, but he'd never had anyone stay over, had never opened up his suite of rooms.
Hermione was the first, and as he stepped over the threshold and she followed without hesitation he felt something ease in him, an odd feeling of calm to have her here.
To have her safe.
Ever since this had happened, since he'd realised Hermione was his soul-bonded mate (he near shuddered at the word, just proof of his status as a half-breed), he'd felt many things; anger, hatred, disgust, unhappiness, elation when touching her, attraction, a whole myriad of emotions, and yet there was one that overruled all else.
Protectiveness.
More than anything else he felt driven to protect her, driven by that desire more than any other. Every second she wasn't near, and he couldn't pull her to safety if need be, made his skin itch, every minute he wasn't sure if she was okay hurt him. He had instincts now, and one useful titbit from the book was that the bond would 'have him feeling an utter sense of dread and horror if the wolfs mate were ever to be harmed, unsafe or at risk of either', but it wasn't enough.
Having her here though, stepping into his room, her scent of jasmine, rose and ink mixing with his smell soothed something in him that he realised couldn't have been soothed without her being here, like cutting a tense rope, it unknotted something in his chest, put him at ease.
It was rotten luck his parents coming home, and a good dose of him still disliked Granger (not that it mattered), years of enmity couldn't erase that, but the wolf in him was pleased to have here, and even part of his wizard side was happy to invite her in, there was no point denying it, not even to himself.
He hadn't even started to trying unpick his feelings for Granger yet, separate man from beast, wolf from wizard, and he didn't intend to anytime soon; he was sure that promised only headaches and pain.
But here she was, she'd taken his hand and trusted him, and that warmed his usually cold heart more than anything else ever had.
"Make yourself at home" He drawled, because in his mind this was her home; wherever he was would be her home, and vice versa.
He knew from the second he'd found out about the soul-bond their lives would be changed forever, though he hadn't appreciated it until that first time he'd burst into the library, every inch of his body in agony searching for her, searching for Hermione.
Then he'd realised things couldn't go back to normal, not with the instincts crawling under his skin that screamed; protect her at all costs, and his need to be near her overwhelming all else, any rationality, anything normal.
Right now it was okay to bae part for a while, but the texts had told them, and he knew deep down it wouldn't be okay for long. Soon they'd crave being together more, the pain and the onset of it would be worse when apart, and then the being together would feel better.
It was fucked up, and he knew why the soul-bond was so rare, commonality would surely see everyone mad.
Was he going mad? Part of him felt like he had been slowly losing it since being turned, but now with Hermione he was sure he was going insane, his own thoughts and mind being carved out to make room for her, to protect her, that was his priority now. What he wanted? What he needed? Came second.
Everything came second to her now, everything.
"Thank you" Her words broke his spell, he almost smiled but no, he didn't smile, not even for her, though if she ordered it, he was sure he'd grin until his cheeks hurt.
Fucked up indeed.
But for now, he had to focus, focus on Granger being inside his inner sanctum, as she walked into the middle of the room, glanced at his bed and then the ensuite. Focus on making sure they got through the night, focus on combing back over the texts, on getting her back safely, focus on anything but the giant bed in the room.
And maybe when she left her scent would go, or perhaps be mixed with his forever, swirling in the air next to his for good.
He secretly (and hated that he did) hoped for the latter.
"So, we're here for the night?" She knew the answer of course but felt the need to confirm, at Malfoys nod she returned it.
'Make yourself at home'
She was surprised to see it was a home. The rest of the Manor was so show-like she was sure his rooms would be the same (and yes rooms, she could count an ensuite, study, and the equivalent of a living room all branching off the bedroom, damn rich people), but no.
Sure, it was clean, impeccably so, clearly the House Elfs (and she bristled at their earlier argument, she wasn't accepting that line anytime soon), kept it tidy, dusted and brushed, but she could see books on the cases that looked well read, could see quidditch gear in the closet clearly used over summer, soaps, and lotions in the bathroom she recognised the scent on.
She made a lap of the main room, her senses invaded with everything Malfoy.
The room was in green and silver, that she wasn't surprised at, and she hated how her eyes were used to the colour. She could touch the bed if she wanted to but didn't (though she knew if she did it would be soft). Could hear the gentle wind outside, kind, and sweet on the window. Could smell and taste the scent on the air; crisp apple and cinnamon, delicious and Malfoy.
She hates that.
Part of her wants to pick apart what she feels because of the bond and just what is natural, but she can't, she won't, it is too confusing. So much of it has to be the bond, she wouldn't have looked at Malfoy twice before, sure he was good looking objectively but so cruel she had no interest. She doesn't want to unpack that now though, maybe not ever.
They have enough to be dealing with, even with just what they have tonight.
"So, we'll stay here and sneak out early" She knows she is repeating herself, but she can't help it, her hands shake a little, panic? She is in Malfoy Manor with Narcissa and Lucius Malfoy, blood purists to the core just down the corridor no doubt, hiding out with their prized son.
She doesn't audibly gulp but it is a close-run thing.
"Yes Granger" Malfoy drawls mocking, and she shoots him a glare, at least that hasn't changed, if he was nice to her all the time, she would know something was truly wrong, she cracks a smile at that, small but a smile all the same.
"What?" He asks as he makes his way to the bed, undoes his tie, he looks rumpled, handsome, objectively, and more, ugh, that has to be the bond.
She ignores the fact she knows its not.
"Just thinking about how I'm glad some of our dynamic is the same, and if you start being really nice, I'll know we're doomed" She chimes, and steps to the bed but doesn't sit down, she shouldn't, too intimate.
She almost scoffs at that, she's spent the night asleep holding hands with, had buried herself into his chest, had shared every thought with him, had sat with him not half hour earlier with his hand cupping her cheek, soaking in the comfort. Still, she stands.
"God forbid" Malfoy mocks, and she manages a small laugh, he says it without malice, something she has noticed ever since her fainting spell, even when he mocks it is without venom or he audibly tries to make it so.
The bond sure makes him do strange things, she wonders if he resents, she thinks he must.
"Just sit-down Granger" He says then, snapping her from her thoughts, "You won't break"
"It seems unwise" She says before she can think. Why does it seem unwise? Her cheeks burn pink then, as she looks at the bed, and Malfoy lying on it now, one of the books open on his lap again, settled and right at home, and yet she has never felt so awkward in her life.
"I think I have enough self-control not to ravish you if you sit on my bed" He drawls again, and she hates how unaffected he seems.
Is she effected? She doesn't want to answer that, but she certainly feels warm, blooming as she hears the word 'ravish'. As she knew Malfoy was attractive before the bond, only his bullying stopped her seeing him that way, even now she's put off by his cruelty only in check because of the bond, but in close quarters…
Malfoy knows how good he looks, and with that glow clinging to him, gold, and silver, somewhere in between but no less dazzling, of course her cheeks a red, of course she feels a touch warm, a touch…
Oh god she's nervous.
"Granger" He speaks gently then, snaps her out of her jumbled thoughts, "I won't" He pauses, searching for the right words "I won't try anything"
"I know" Because she does, she knows Malfoy won't make her uncomfortable, fuck, she does trust him she realises then, trusts him far more than she should. "I...I know that" She does.
When did that happen?
"I just…" She stumbles again. This must be the bond right? Making her nervous to get into bed with him, making her stumble ever word, even making her hands shake as she approaches. Fuck, she should just say it; should say that the bond makes her attracted to him and nervous to sit down next to him, makes her see him in a different light than she ever has.
A desirable one.
Because he is, but now its different, now she entertains it, and takes him in.
His hair is silver not blonde as some would suggest, it is so light it frames his face like a halo, only added by the glow. His features are aristocratic, and some would describe as 'devastatingly handsome' like something out of a romance novel. His lips are full, soft she can see from here, his hands too, though she can spy the callouses from quidditch, manly her mind offers to her annoyance.
He is well muscled, not like a body builder but he is clearly defined from all the flying, his arms are toned and defined, not an inch of fat across his body, and as he sits, book in hand looking relaxed and casual, not smirking, or sneering, she thinks he might be one of the most beautiful people she has ever seen.
Maybe even the most beautiful.
"I know" He repeats back to her, and she thinks of her earlier words, how his kindness would mean they were really screwed. His tone is soft now, "I feel the same" He says, admitting something she never would, she gulps, steps closer.
She never expected Malfoy to give an inch with her, now he gives a mile.
"You do?" She asks in almost a whisper, and he nods. They shouldn't be ashamed to admit it, as driven by the bond as it surely is, this attraction, this want.
"Yes" He says with a nod, but then back to his book, vulnerability closed down for now, will she see it again? Is it bad she wants to? "But as I said I won't act on it"
"Me neither" She promises too quickly, she wouldn't out of sheer nervousness, even if she wanted to.
She does want to.
Where did this come from? Perhaps it was always there but now she is just confronted with it? In his room, surrounded by his smell, apple and cinnamon clouding her senses? Perhaps it has just come to her, she doesn't know, but it is there, hitting her like a bus.
This attraction, desire, want.
"Then sit" He says, "We'll read and head out early as planned" She nods, and forces herself to step forward, shoes already off she sits herself down on the bed, on the right side to Malfoy's left, sits upright, plumping the pillows, reaches for the other book, aware they are next to one another, almost touching.
Malfoy waves his wand, the main lights go off, the lamp clicks on, and she settles into the extremely comfortable pillows, she won't sleep, she can't be that vulnerable here, but instead she just settles down, book in hand, almost touching.
"Its fine Granger" He offers, turns his gaze to her and she hers to him, she knows her heart is thudding, nerves still getting to her. She feels stupid, will curse herself in the morning, but she knows here and now Malfoy won't mock her for this, not just because the bond prevents it, but she knows he just won't.
How things have changed.
"I know" She says, and she does, it is.
For now.
sooo thoughts?
it is getting intenseeee and it isn't calming anytime soon
let me know watcha thought
speak soon