authorsnote: lil update
do enjoy, sorry for the delay, but I'm already writing the next chapter, it is getting angsty ;-;
lemme know watcha think!
songrecs: never say never - the fray
Once back at school they parted ways.
The sun was only just breaking through the clouds as they emerged from the passageway to the Shrieking Shack, passed the Whomping Willow and hurried up the grounds to the castle. It was cold out, a mist rolling over the grass, a windy Scottish morning in Autumn.
That still messed with Hermione's head, it had been what 2 weeks since the return of school? 3? And yet it felt like months had gone by.
Just a month ago she'd been wallowing in the aftermath of wiping her parent's memories, had been looking down the barrel of starting her 6th year, ready to study for her NEWTS, ready to be by Harry's side as they took on the dark forces in the world.
Instead, she had been barely focused on classes, and had been running around with one of said dark forces.
Not for who he was, a werewolf, Hermione didn't prescribe to the idea that dark creatures as they were labelled, had to be evil, but he was a Death Eater too, she'd seen the mark on his wrist, had seen the branding on his arm, just neither of them had raised it … yet.
She knew she'd have to eventually; she was getting in deep with a man who was technically part of the opposing side. She should probably be more concerned, outraged, and yet she remembered his words…
'I'd never hurt you'
And as he'd rolled her over that morning, his grip gentle, almost tender, as she'd shoved him away and he'd backed off immediately … she hadn't felt one ounce of fear, but only trust, and that realisation hit her like a gut punch.
She trusted Draco Malfoy, completely, with her life even.
"Malfoy" She stuttered, drawing him to a pause as they approached the castle. It was early, not even 7 yet and so most people were slumbering, she wasn't worried about being caught, Harry and Ron alone wouldn't emerge for at least another two hours, she had time, and she needed answers.
They had been so focused on getting answers to the soulbond, she hadn't asked something as important, and had to now.
"Whose side are you on?" She asked, biting down on her lip. Perhaps it was too early for such a conversation, perhaps it would ruin the civilness they had come to between them, perhaps it was wrong to ask, and yet she had to.
They were soulbonded, Draco Malfoy as he had described it, was 'it' for her, and yet he had the mark of the man who would see her dead on his wrist; she needed to ask.
And yet, whatever answer she had anticipated, she didn't' expect the one that came.
"Yours Hermione" He said, without hesitation, without thought, as he looked down at her, for he'd shot up over the summer, easily over 6ft to her 5'3, and so she had to tilt her neck to match his gaze, "Your side"
"Are you sure?" She asked, and then she glanced at his wrist, hidden by his jumper and shirt, but she knew what was there, she knew what the fabric hid.
"It's not even a question" He said, no anger, no defensiveness, just honesty, and that touched her, touched her heart even, that for once he was being straight with her. Perhaps he realised how important this was, or maybe she just looked too earnest, but he continued, "I'm on your side, never anyone else's"
"But your mark" She said, stuttering a little again, nervous.
"Fuck it" He spat out, almost viciously, and yet she knew it wasn't aimed at her, "And fuck him" She knew who he referred to, and her eyes widened at such a pronouncement.
"He would kill you" He said, tone gentle again, kind even, and that shocked her, why was he being kind? He didn't need to be, "If he dared to try, I would kill him first"
"And if that meant giving your own life?" She asked, not because she expected it, never, but because she needed to know; just how far did the bond go?
And had to remind herself that; this was the bond, just the bond.
Nothing more.
"To keep you safe?" He whispered then, "In a second"
"I…" She stumbled again, vulnerability, and she'd never felt more vulnerable in her life, made her nervous, less sure of herself. She'd never even had a real boyfriend, and here Malfoy was saying he'd lay down his life for her.
Because of the bond, just the bond, her mind tried to scream at her again, though it was mostly ignored.
"Thank you" Was all she could say, because what else was there? She had almost said, 'I don't know what to say' as it was true, and yet thanks had felt right.
And yet, as they reached the doors, there was something else, and before she could stop herself, she acted on instinct and leaned up, to brush her lips to Draco Malfoy's cheek.
Just a feather of a kiss against his skin, on tiptoes to reach him, and yet she felt she needed to, he'd made a declaration to protect her, and whether it was the bond or just her own nervousness, she felt it warranted a kiss on the cheek.
"Meet me tonight" He said as she leaned down, his hand cupping her cheek then, pulling her close, and she nodded into his palm; intimate, close, and yet it felt right.
His head rested to hers, his palm was soft against her skin, except for the calluses that were rough against her jaw, and yet she continued to lean in, his hand warm, comforting, calming, she felt at ease when he touched her, she felt comfortable.
"I will" She promised, and it was a promise, and she realised she couldn't break a promise to Malfoy, even if she wanted to, her words were truth when it came to him, and she trusted the same from him.
"I'll see you then" He said, and she nodded against him, her eyes having closed, easing into him, how was it so easy now? Even in the past few days it hadn't felt like this. And yet, again it felt right.
And as they parted … the lines blurred.
The lines were blurring.
He didn't return to his dorm as Hermione fled to hers, instead he went to the lake, to run around it, twenty or thirty times this time. Exercise barely tired him nowadays, and yet he felt a need to at least try to make his muscles burn, to at least feel some kind of sting in his lungs, to try and push himself.
His head felt so full, he felt the need to at least try to tire his body.
His cheek was warm from the brush of her lips, and though a year ago he would have recoiled in disgust, this time he had leaned in, and brushed his fingers to the spot as he began to run.
What was happening to him?
He knew of course the bond, and yet this felt deeper, deeper than just instinct, than the parasite that had invaded him. It felt like something more, much more.
He didn't even like Granger, though perhaps that wasn't true anymore, and so why had he leaned in?
That morning, why had he held her close, desperate for her to stay?
The wolf, his mind helpfully supplied, and yet he knew it was more than that.
She was a mudblood, and yet even the word in his mind made him flinch, he knew he'd break anyone who dared call her that now.
Was he re-educated? And was it only because he was a half-breed now too? He'd seen her glance at the blood in the Shrieking Shack, was hers the same as his? Did he need to test it? He near violently recoiled at the ideas of that, of her spilling blood.
He'd die before he hurt her, he'd kill before he let anyone else.
It is just the bond, his mind tried to offer again, and yet as he sprinted around the lakes edge, he knew there was more to it than that.
How much more?
Thankfully there was no confrontation this time she returned to the common room, as she predicted the boys were in bed.
It was easy to sneak up to her dorm, a silencing charm masking her steps, and just as predicted again, all of the girls slumbered too. She hurried, grabbing her washing things, and dove into the shower.
She didn't need to sleep; she had never felt so rested as she did spending a night in Draco Malfoy's arms.
She near laughed at that, a month ago she would have been horrified, and yet already she craved being back next to him, to hold his hand, feel his body heat against hers, she remembered a passage in one of the texts, 'the mate and wolf will crave one another's presence when apart, this will become more intense the more time spent apart' – yet it felt pretty intense already.
The scold of hot water of the shower made it feel easier as she stepped inside, washing quickly, shampooing her hair, shaving her legs, she breathed in the smell of her shower gel, jasmine, and her rose shampoo, and as the bathroom misted up she felt calmer, more at ease.
Something she was not accustomed to feeling much anymore.
Still it couldn't last forever, and she quickly dried her hair (and attempted to tame it with her wand) before pulling on some clothes, no uniform on the weekend, she stuck to jeans and a pink jumper, and then cringed as she looked at herself.
For once she cared what she looked like, not for anyone else, but for him.
Gods, it was so confusing, her stomach twisting and all of these new feelings appearing. It was so untraditional as well. Malfoy wasn't her boyfriend, she didn't like him like that, and yet she craved him, and as she swapped out her fuzzy pink jumper for a nice knitted white and black cardigan, swapping her ratty jeans for a nice skinny pair, did she realise; maybe she craved his approval to.
Was that the bond? Or just a teenage girl wanting to look nice?
And yet she shouldn't want to look nice for Malfoy, it was only the bond. And yet where did the bond end and other feelings begin? Why did she have other feelings?
With a groan she hurried down to the common room, her head was starting to hurt, but not with the ache of a headache, but the ache of being too full.
She had so many feelings flying around, each more confusing than the last, and she had no idea how to process them.
She had no experience with this, and no way to know what was real, teenage girl-ness, and then the bond.
The bond, ever looming.
Once she was dressed, and reasonably happy with her appearance, she made her way to breakfast. The Great Hall was basically empty, some teachers and a few dedicated students getting an early start, her among them.
For the first time in a week, she had an appetite, and happily tucked into some porridge with a side of fruit, and even treated herself to a pastry, she'd been picking at her food all week, barely hungry, in pain until she saw Malfoy, but it seemed spending the night together had allowed the effects to resonate with her, and she tucked into her food with ease.
As breakfast came to an end, she made her way to the doors. She had no plans for the day, Harry and Ron had a day of quidditch, she wasn't sure about Malfoy, they'd meet later.
And she actually felt at ease, to have a day to herself, and so with a smile she walked to her familiar place; the library, she had some homework to catch up on and wanted to read, not werewolf texts, not anything about the bond, just something interesting, something to escape.
She had lived and breathed the soul bond since the moment she had found Malfoy on the train. At lessons, at night, at Malfoy Manor, it was all she had known, now she had a second to think, to breathe, she wasn't in pain, her head wasn't pounding, and she had some time alone.
And yet, as she settled down in her favourite seat of the library, with a book on Advanced Transfiguration techniques, it felt almost perfect, almost … she felt an itch up her spine as she tucked her feet underneath her, an itch that it was almost perfect, and would only be perfect if Malfoy was next to her.
She tried to shake it away, and yet it lingered.
And though she did eventually settle in, tackle her Herbology essay, go through the reading for Runes, and finished her new book, she glanced at the clock far more than she usually would, flickered her gaze to the door incase Malfoy walked in, and as the bell for lunch rang she hoped she'd see him.
She wasn't sure she could wait for the night.
What had happened to her? The bond? Something more?
The lines blurred.
Lunch passed quickly, she chatted to the boys before they hurried into Quidditch practice, she offered them a smile and an apology ducking into the library, guilt stinging at her as they accepted it without question, though Ginny through her a glance.
The afternoon passed in much the same way, an itch in her spine, and yet no pain, nothing, perhaps some tiredness in her limbs, a crick in her neck from her sitting position, but otherwise her body continued to feel relaxes.
It was quite a relief after weeks of pain, and she could understand then how she could come to crave it.
Perhaps she already did it.
And as the night dawned, as she wolfed down dinner and begged off to the library again, doubling back to the greenhouses, she did so as though the wind was at her back.
At her back to drive her towards Malfoy, craving sounded like the right word.
With the lines blurred, more than ever before.
thoughts?
hope you enjoyed, our bbys minds are in a mess! and it will only get worse...
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